"Lily!"
"Bloody hell, is that-"
"It is Potter!"
"Someone send for-"
"-get her out of-"
"I can 'elp 'er!"
"Move, get-"
"Please, I can 'elp! Don't touch me, I can help, just-"
Someone was lifting her, and she couldn't move or speak or-
"Welcome to St. Mun- Bloody hell!"
"Quick, someone send for-"
"Bring her this way, quickly, now, come on."
"Does anyone know her blood type?"
"-need a transfusion, someone get her-"
"Did anyone hear the spell?"
"Hell, it's not closing, get me the-"
"-need a-"
Lily screamed as someone prodded the wound, even though she couldn't see or breathe or-
"Bloody hell, how is she still alive?"
"-fucking Girl-Who-Lived, mate. Get me a-"
"Oi, you! Out of the-"
"I am here to assist." She knew that voice. She tried to say his name, but she couldn't remember, she couldn't- couldn't-
"You can't be-"
"Out of the way, you nitwits."
"You can't-"
Lily screamed again as her chest burned, her body twisting and contorting against the bindings they placed around her arms and legs.
"Fuckin' hell, he did it."
"How did you-"
"She will need a-"
"-still needs blood-"
"O negative, you fools, quickly now, she's still in a for a lot of suffering before this is over."
The next of her memories were blurry and vague. She remembered screaming herself hoarse, and she remembered a lot of people touching her, their hands always stinging the gash across her chest. She remembered a montage of blurry faces, and she remembered feeling feverish and delirious. She remembered potions being forced down her throat, and she remembered spells being muttered. She remembered coughing a lot, each one causing her immense pain, and each set of fits almost always being followed by more potions and spells. She remembered splitting headaches and interchanging feelings of mirth and anger.
Her head was still hazy and heavy the final time she woke, and the light pouring from the nearby window was blinding. She tried to raise a hand to her eyes to block it out, but her arms were so weak and heavy it took all her effort to do so. Her skin was hot and clammy when she touched it, and her chest was still aching, making it hard to breathe. She moved her hand to her chest and found a thick layer of bandages around it, ending at her neckline and stretching down to her abdomen.
She leaned her head back into her pillow and closed her eyes, her head still pounding. She was alive. This wasn't the first time she'd woken up in the hospital after nearly dying, but this time felt different. The previous times, she woke up feeling relieved and generally favourable to whatever adventure caused it. The last time she was worried only about whether or not her friends were safe.
But this time, she still felt afraid. That hadn't happened since first year, when the same man caused it. But that wasn't the only emotion coursing through her.
She also felt happy, or at least close to it, and she was sure it wasn't coming from her. The strange feeling seemed centered directly underneath her scar. When she focused hard on the ticking clock and her breathing exercises, the emotion vanished, leaving only the nervousness and uncertainty.
It hurt to move, but she did anyway, taking a long look at her surroundings. She was in St. Mungo's again, based off the white, sterile walls, but there wasn't anybody here to visit her. That hurt more than she wanted to admit. It wasn't her first experience with this particular hospital, but it was the first without anybody waiting near her.
It took an hour for somebody to enter the room, and then it was only a female Healer come to give her a set of potions and change her bandages. Her wound was mostly closed, but the bandages still came away with a rusty colouring to them. The Healer poked at the tender areas, Lily sucking in a hiss of breath each time, and then the woman was gone again, leaving Lily basking in the sun, alone with her thoughts.
Finally, after another half hour of sitting alone and staring out the window, the door opened again. Mrs. Weasley made a squeaking noise, Ginny making a very similar one, and then both girls were next to her, pulling her into a hug that was definitely far too rough for her condition. Lily was so relieved that she couldn't find her voice. It only fled further away from her when the rest of the Weasleys came in, each giving similarly enthusiastic greetings (if a bit less physical).
"I'm sorry, Lily," Ginny said between her tears. Part of her wanted to steel her heart and remain angry, but it made her happy that Ginny was hugging her again, and she was leaning into the touch on instinct. She missed the contact more than she thought.
"Thought you were gone, mate," Ron said with a big smile, pulling a chair up to her side.
"We've been visiting every day since," Mr. Weasley said. "Bill, Charlie, and the twins would be here, too, but Mungo's will only let so many visit at once. They're with Sirius."
"Sirius?" Lily asked, her voice thick from lack of use. "Where is he?" She'd been hoping he was here, just waiting to come inside.
"You'll see soon enough," Mrs. Weasley said with a sharp look at her husband. "You shouldn't have to worry when you're so weak."
Lily thought about protesting, but she did feel weak. She couldn't even bring herself to stop Mrs. Weasley from fussing about her, pinching at her cheeks and wiping away some of the cold sweat still stuck on her skin.
"How long was I out this time?" she asked instead.
"Well, let's just say you only have three days until the next term," Mr. Weasley said, finally sitting next to his wife.
Lily groaned and leaned her head back into her pillow, closing her eyes.
"You'll make it on time," Mrs. Weasley said, patting her hand reassuringly. "Remus is buying your school things now, as a matter of fact. We hoped you'd be well enough to go yourself, but- well-"
"How bad was it?" Lily asked nervously.
"Bad," Ron said gravely. Lily felt her heart sink when nobody contradicted him.
"Healers say there won't be any lasting effects," Mr. Weasley said after a long pause, "but you'll be weak for a while longer. The curse hit deep enough to cut into your lungs and nicked the edge of your heart. You'll live, but it'll take a while to get back to normal."
"Can I play Quidditch?" Lily asked hopefully.
"Not until you're well," Mrs. Weasley said sternly. "You'll be able to leave later today, but the Healers are insistent that you don't participate in any strenuous activities for a few more weeks, and they'll be sending potions home with you."
"You should see the list of instructions they gave with them," Ron said, his tone light. "Makes Hermione's essays look like scrap paper."
"Lovely," Lily said, closing her eyes. She swallowed the lump in her throat down and threw a smile on her face when she opened them back up. "Just business as usual, then, eh?"
"Just in case- you know, for next time," Ron said, his smile seeming more genuine now, "can I have your broom if you really do croak it?"
"Sure? Not like I'd get much use out of it."
"That's not fair!" Ginny said. "Why does he get to use it?"
"Because it's my broom and I get to pick," Lily said, neglecting to mention how hurt the other girl had been making her feel lately. "Besides, if I don't get to fly, then I might as well make it so Slytherin loses another cup."
"Way to show House pride," Ron said, his wide smile bringing a genuine one to Lily's face. "Snakes won't like it when I show up with your broom."
Lily snorted. "You lose a single match, and I'm giving it to Sae, instead."
Ron snorted back. "Like you get a say in it, you'll be dead."
"Ronald!"
"That's not fair!" Ginny said. "I haven't even gotten a turn!"
Lily rolled her eyes. "Let Ginny ride it too, Ron, or neither of us will hear the end of it."
"Us?"
"You really think death would make her stop?"
Ron sighed. "No, you're probably right."
"Cedric came to visit you, too," Mrs. Weasley said, still holding tightly to Lily's right hand. "Seemed right out of it."
"Guess I missed our date," Lily said sadly. Ginny gave her a strange look again, but she didn't move away this time, nor did she stop holding Lily's other hand. "Are Hermione and Neville alright?"
"They're fine," Ron said. "They just went home. Hermione threw a fit beforehand, but as soon as her parents arrived, she was all smiles and laughs. Strange girl, that one."
"She didn't want us telling her parents where you were," Ginny said. "Mum had to lie and say you did go on that date." Mrs. Weasley made a shushing noise and seemed a bit embarrassed about it.
Lily didn't blame her. If Hermione told her parents they were attacked by a murderous dark wizard at the magical equivalent of a football game, she'd probably never be allowed out of the house again.
Just like Mrs. Weasley promised, she was soon allowed out of her bed, along with a stern warning to take it as easy as possible and a full explanation of her exact condition. Quirrell's spell cut through her ribs and into her lungs, leaving her extremely lucky to be alive. It was only due to her immediate transportation to St. Mungo's and the timely arrival of an anonymous benefactor (which they refused to elaborate any further on) that she was still here; the Healers couldn't get the wound to close without his help, although they refused to tell Lily exactly why.
But the wound still wasn't fully healed. She was healing from the inside out, as the Healers needed easy access to her organs should they reopen (they sent a full list of precautions and countermeasures to Beauxbatons ahead of her arrival). Due to this, the gash on her chest would be the last thing to heal, and it would remain a gnarly scab until it did, at which point she could apply dittany to keep it from scarring. That meant she needed to change her own bandages daily (she immediately refused to consent to anybody doing it for her, especially when Mrs. Weasley tried to take charge). The Healer spent an hour walking her through the proper spell for it; she was still feeling very fatigued and slightly feverish.
"Remember to enunciate, dear," the Healer said patiently. "Infulvo."
And then, after a lengthy check-out process spanning a few more hours, she was finally allowed to leave, albeit in a wheelchair. The Healers were insistent on that one; it was important for her to spend the next few days building strength back up, but she needed to spend as little time as possible on her feet during these early stages.
"Here, you'll need to read this," Mr. Weasley said, handing her a scrap of paper as Ron wheeled her over to the Floo. "And make sure you whisper the command. Should be alright, but we want to play it safe."
Lily glanced at the small strip of paper, barely processing the wordsbefore it was taken out of her hands and burned by Mr. Weasley's wand.
"We're not going to the Burrow?" Lily asked hopelessly.
"Can't," Mr. Weasley said with a grimace. "It isn't safe there. Whole wizarding world's found out you live with us, Skeeter leaked it when you- well, never mind that, now. Point is, we've had reporters hounding us every day since, and we can't bring you back there while Quirrell is still looking for you."
"He is?" Lily asked.
"Don't worry yourself about that, none," Mrs. Weasley said, sharply motioning for Ron to wheel her inside. "We'll be back later; need to stop by the house and run a few errands before we follow."
"Remember not to breathe, you tosser," Ron said as he placed her in the fireplace (after tossing the powder, thank Merlin). Lily wanted to punch him, but he was already standing well back.
"Number Twelve Grimmauld Place?" she whispered, wondering where on Earth she was about to end up.
She kept a very firm grip on her seat as she spun upwards; the last thing she wanted to do was lose it and end up back at the hospital. When she landed, she was facing the wrong direction. When she tried to wheel herself backwards, she got caught on the grating, and she was very worried that somebody would come tumbling on top of her.
"I told them not to send the chair," Sirius said from behind, groaning as he used his strength to lift her awkwardly out and into a very clean (and barren) sitting room.
"Welcome back to the land of the living," Charlie said with a big smile, one hand clapping her on the shoulder.
"Am I back?" Lily asked, taking a glance at the blank walls around her and the scrubbed, wooden floor that Lily was certain used to be carpet (a bit was still clinging to the edge of the fireplace, as if they couldn't quite get it all removed). It all made the place look very sterile and lifeless.
"Not quite homey yet, that's for certain," Sirius said sheepishly (Lily noticed that he wouldn't look her in the eye). "But it's a vast improvement to how it used to be, I can promise you that much. Want a tour?"
"Absolutely," Lily said, standing from her chair with a great deal of effort. "Wanted out of that bloody thing since they put me in it."
Lily almost slipped, but Charlie was quick on his feet, and he grabbed under her shoulders and hauled her to her feet.
"Maybe we shouldn't, Sirius," Charlie said, an arm placed protectively around her back for support.
"She can handle a few stairs," Sirius said confidently. "Place isn't as bloody big as it used to be, I made sure of that myself."
"This is yours, then?" Lily asked as they started walking. She was a bit reluctant to have Charlie so close, but she had to admit that his presence was very comforting once they began walking, as she had to lean her weight fully into him to manage it.
"Yes," Sirius said, pointing over to a door near the base of the stairs. "Bath and loo are in there. Only the one, unfortunately. In their infinite wisdom, the 'Ancient and Noble' Blacks never thought they'd need a second one. We'll fix that as soon as we can, going to turn the family room into one just as soon as we figure out how to get rid of the ruddy tapestry." Sirius said that last part as if nothing would please him more.
"This is what Remus was helping you with, then?" Lily asked, briefly poking her head into the loo. It seemed to be the only place that wasn't torn apart, with fresh tile and a large, marble tub.
"We did a bloody good job of it, if I say so myself," Sirius said proudly. "It's been cathartic, too. Spent my whole youth hating this place. Tearing it apart's been a lifelong dream. Shame mum wasn't still alive to see me do it. Had to settle for the screaming portrait she left behind, and that wasn't anywhere near as fun."
"Screaming portrait?" Lily said, wiping some sweat from her brow as they reached the first floor landing. She smiled weakly at Charlie as he reoriented their two bodies, trying to get more comfortable with the awkward angle.
"Charming woman," Sirius said snidely. "I'm sure you would have loved her. If you're lucky, Kreacher will have taken her from the bin. Probably has her hidden around here, the little rat. Drinking Room's in there, you stay out of it."
"Kreacher?" Lily asked, lingering next to the forbidden room for just a bit too long. Perhaps later.
"He's the House Elf," Charlie said, still keeping his hand on her as they walked down the hall.
"He's a bloody nightmare, is what he is," Sirius said. "But Remus insisted we keep him. He thinks we can rehabilitate him, as if he didn't willingly drink all of the poison mum gave him. Wasn't anywhere near as fun as the elf Dumbledore leant us to get the place ready. These are the guest rooms, the Weasleys are staying in them right now, Arthur and Molly in there, Ron and Charlie in there. Twins are upstairs, we'll get to them, you're up there, too, and Bill's out with the other two, right now, looking at a flat."
"Who's in there?" Lily said, pointing at a door with a sign that read:
Do not Enter Without the Express Permission of Regulus Arcturus Black.
"My brother was," Sirius said after a long pause, staring forlornly at the sign. "Didn't have the heart to take it down or clean it out."
"Oh," Lily said awkwardly.
"Don't feel bad," Sirius said, squaring his shoulders again. "He was a Death Eater. He was good to me- well, better than our parents were, anyway- but he still believed all their rubbish up until the end."
"Up until?"
"Tried to turn cloak right before he died," Sirius said sadly. "He finally came around, but he did it without telling anybody who could have helped him. You don't just leave the Death Eaters. Never found his body."
"I'm sorry," Lily said.
"It is what it is," Sirius said with a shrug, turning back towards the stairs. "He's not the one I'd choose to save if I could go back."
Lily knew exactly who he would choose, and she chose to say nothing as they climbed the steps in relative silence (the boards were still creaking, although she was sure Sirius would take care of that as soon as he could).
"This is the top floor, now," Sirius said as he waited for her to make the landing (she took each step slowly and carefully, Charlie supporting her from behind). "Used to be more, but Remus and I took them all out. Well, the House Elf did that part, truth be told- magic's stronger for households than ours is- but we took care of all the nasty creatures and items ourselves."
"House Elf?" Lily asked, breathing hard. "I thought you said Kreacher was nasty?"
"Not him," Sirius said with a barking laugh. "The friendly bugger, didn't catch his name. Never would have been able to do half of what we did without him. Real strange fellow, too. Had to pay him. Can't say I've ever had that happen before, but it was a nice change of pace. I'd pay Kreacher to piss off if I could, but I think trying to hand him any coins might just kill him. Err- you alright, there?"
"I don't think I can do much more," Lily said, leaning heavily against the railing.
"I've got you," Charlie said, scooping her into his arms without skipping a beat. She didn't fight it.
"Your room's down here," Sirius said, hurrying forward a few doors. "Twins are right next to the stairs, Remus is right across from you, and then I'm next to him. Next to you is the library, I thought you'd like that. I had to take out some of the darker stuff, Dumbledore said you'd get into them, but feel free to browse the rest."
Lily swore silently. She absolutely would have.
Sirius opened the door for her after Charlie set her down, an arm still perched protectively over her shoulders, and when they walked in, the room was almost an exact replica of her old one (Gwenog Jones poster above her mattress, winking and smiling away), albeit larger and with a spare bed on the opposite wall from her own. The far wall was made up almost entirely of a large window that looked out onto a balcony, where a little table and a few chairs were set out.
"Wouldn't recommend going out there during the winter," Sirius said, following her gaze (although he still wouldn't meet her eyes). "Gets bloody cold, you'll freeze your tits off. Room's heated, though, so don't worry about that none."
"Alright," Lily said, letting out a deep sigh when she was finally sitting on her bed.
"Ginny's staying in here with you," Charlie said, pointing towards the other bed. "Insisted on it, actually. Said you'd probably have nightmares if she didn't."
Lily was pretty sure she'd have them if she did, even though she wouldn't remember any of them. She leaned back into the soft cushioning, sinking far deeper than she ever did at home, and then she felt really sad as she realized something.
"This is it, then, isn't?" she asked. She wouldn't be going back to the Burrow again.
"Sorry," Sirius said sheepishly. "It's just- it isn't safe, Lily. We're only safe here because Dumbledore made us put a Fidelius Charm on the place."
Lily nodded. She supposed that made sense. At least it seemed that the Weasleys weren't opposed to visiting. It still hurt, though, losing another home. She wasn't sure she'd ever get used to it.
"We'll leave you to get settled," Sirius said after a long pause. "Your school things are in your trunk, if you want to go over them. I'm sure someone will come get you for supper."
Lily just nodded again as the boys left her room. She didn't really want to move, but as soon as the door closed, she did. She needed to check to make sure her treasures were still safe. Her Gryffindor tapestry was hanging next to the guest bed, which meant someone found them. That made her deeply uncomfortable, but she tried not to get too mad. The tapestry wasn't in the box; it was always laying underneath. She ran out of room to keep it inside long ago.
She found the box under her bed, which isn't quite where she would have hidden them, but it was alright enough. A careful inspection of the contents told her that nobody disturbed them; the box was too full for things to shift around, and all the objects were in their proper places. Her Golden Snitch was laying in the bottom corner (she wondered how long they could reasonably expect her to wait before flying with it), her ruby earrings were next to it (she put those back on her ears, taking comfort in her fond memories of Katie), the Marauder's Map was under her album (she needed to remember to lend that to Ron, she had no need for it anymore), she removed the album for her perusal (she often did that when she was feeling down), and her various collected letters were a complete mess and hid the rest of her objects (she still plucked some unicorn hair off of one and placed it gingerly back onto the rest of the pile). She really needed to invest in a larger container. She wouldn't be able to hide it anywhere, but she could always enchant it to keep others out.
"Oh!" she squeaked as her door opened loudly, slamming the top of her box closed.
"Almost forgot to tell you," Sirius said, not even noticing what he'd done. "Absolutely no magic while you're here, and I mean it, too."
"We're not practicing, then?" Lily asked, a hand still held to her frailly beating heart.
"Can't," Sirius said. "With the Trace on you, casting could break the Fidelius. It'll withstand the rest of us casting around you, but something by you would be too strong. So, no magic."
"Alright," Lily said. "Err- could you knock, next time?"
"Right," Sirius said, his face turning a bit red. "Sorry. I- err- didn't think. I'll do that. Sorry."
Lily took a nap after he left, her robes laying in a pile on the floor, the curtains drawn across the large window. All she wore were her knickers and the bandages covering her chest. Her body still felt too hot for anything else, even though she was also shivering constantly. She hated having a fever. She never knew what to trust. At least she felt all snug and comfortable under her blankets.
She woke up to her door opening slightly, the warm hallway light piercing into the thick darkness of her room. At first, she thought she simply missed someone coming to get her for supper. She sat up, her blanket falling to her lap, and rubbed sleepily at her eyes. She still felt a bit fatigued, but her fever was gone (mostly, anyway).
And then she saw the little creature stirring objects near her desk, his bat-wing ears twitching as he grumbled to himself.
"The blood traitors have multiplied again," he said, just loud enough so she could hear. "Oh, what would my mistress think, with this much foul blood running amok in her hallowed halls?"
"Are you Kreacher?" Lily asked softly. The House Elf jumped, his hands rubbing together when he turned to look at her, his head and back bowed towards the ground.
"The blood traitor is trying to speak to Kreacher," Kreacher said. "Oh, if my mistress was still here, she'd have words for the brat, yes she would."
"Is supper ready?" Lily asked. She could faintly smell something cooking. There was a slight chill to the air as she swung her legs out, stretching just a bit (going too far hurt her chest).
"Too many of them in the house, fouling up Kreacher's kitchen with their nasty little recipes," Kreacher said.
"I'll take that as a yes," Lily said, standing on slightly steadier legs.
"Master sent Kreacher up to fetch the blood traitor," Kreacher grumbled as Lily began pulling on some pyjamas (she fully intended on going straight back to sleep after they were done eating and saw no reason to pretend otherwise). "As if nothing would please Kreacher more than to follow the orders of one like him. Oh, if my mistress knew he was back, she would have-"
"What happened to her?" Lily asked. "Your mistress, I mean."
"The great Walburga Black has passed from this world," Kreacher said, sounding surprised and slightly excited to be talking about it. "She passed peacefully in her sleep, with her faithful Kreacher at her side."
"You liked her, then?"
"Oh, yes," Kreacher said fondly. "Yes, Mistress was always kind to Kreacher, even helping him with the fouler tasks, even though Kreacher always insisted there was no need for it."
"I'm sure she was lovely," Lily lied. "Do you mind drawing a bath for me? I'd like to take one after I eat. Please."
Kreacher blinked at her.
"It thinks to order Kreacher around, as if it is my new mistress," Kreacher said, turning towards the door to leave.
"I like it really hot!" Lily called after him as she finished buttoning her top.
She wore her fuzziest pair of slippers downstairs, taking great care not to trip down the stairs. The last thing she wanted was to end back up in St. Mungo's so close to the new term. She'd never be able to live that down. It took her a bit longer than she would have liked to admit to find where the kitchen was; that part was never mentioned in her little tour. It was just down the main hall, near the entrance. She had to take a small staircase down to the basement to find it.
There was a lot of chatter coming from the door, a lot of laughter. She briefly considered sneaking back upstairs; she was sure Mrs. Weasley, at least, would make far too big a deal of her arrival.
And she was right. As soon as she pushed open the door, Mrs. Weasley was fussing over her and sitting her across from a person Lily didn't recognize.
"I like your slippers," the purple haired woman said with a wink. She had a small nose, too, and blue eyes that reminded Lily of ice. She was having a hard time not staring, even though she knew that was incredibly rude.
"Thanks!" Lily said, a bowl of stew and a piece of hot bread placed in front of her without asking. That gave her something else to focus on, and she gladly did.
"This is Tonks, Lily," Remus said, sitting next to the girl. "Tonks, this is Lily. She came a bit earlier than the others to join us."
"As if I wouldn't recognize The-Girl-Who-Lived," Tonks said, rolling her eyes. "And don't act like you didn't invite me over for supper."
"Yes, well," Remus said, a strange, knowing glance lingering on Lily, "I thought Lily would quite like to meet you."
"If you say so," Tonks said, rolling her eyes at Remus and then winking at Lily. "You know, you have very pretty hair."
"Thanks?" Lily said, spoon halfway to her mouth when Tonks's own hair shifted. It lengthened, down to her shoulders, curled slightly, and then deepened to a dark red. Lily was still holding the spoon near her open mouth when Tonks winked at her one more time, causing her spoon to slip from her fingers and fall into the hot liquid below.
"They're calling her The-Girl-Who-Lives now," Remus said, not acknowledging what Tonks had just done at all, a clever smile appearing on his lips as he continued staring at Lily. The only signs that anybody else noticed was a giggling Ginny (down at the other end of the table). Lily just kept staring as Tonks's nose shifted into a pig snout, which got Ginny laughing again. Charlie, Bill, and Percy were nowhere to be found.
"Like it?" Tonks said with a wink, fluffing her hair with her hands (which happened to stay in the exact shape).
"How do you do that?" Lily asked, her mouth still stupidly hanging open.
"Natural talent," Tonks said with a wink.
"Oh, come off it."
"No, really," Tonks said with a laugh. "I'm a metamorphmagus. I can change how I look, when I want."
"Can you teach me?" Lily asked eagerly.
"Sorry," Tonks said with a shrug, her hair colour shifting to blue and her cheeks sagging. "It's not the sort of thing you learn. You're either born with it, or you aren't."
"That's not fair!" Lily said. "Come on, really, I'm no good at Transfiguration, this has to help."
"Sorry," Tonks said again, her face returning to a more normal shape and her hair bleeding back to red. "There's really nothing I can do about it. 'sides, it wouldn't help you much, anyway. Human transfiguration is only half the class."
"'Spose it doesn't matter, then," Lily said with a sigh. "That's the only part I'm not rubbish at."
"Well, actually," Lupin said, taking a sip of his drink, "I asked you to be here tonight specifically so you could show her a few things."
"Sorry, mate," Tonks said playfully, "but I don't really have the time to tutor anyone."
"I don't need a tutor," Lily said grumpily. "Just thought I could use a cheat, is all."
Remus cleared his throat and opened his mouth to speak.
"You can talk later," Mrs. Weasley said, sitting down and helping Lily's spoon close the distance to her mouth. "You need to eat, you look like you've dropped two stone!"
"It's alright," Lily said, finding her voice now that she was filling her void with food. "It was mostly blood-weight."
Nobody laughed at that (aside from the wonderful woman sitting in front of her), but Lily thought it was funny.
"Molly, really," Remus said, "You see, I was conversing with Minerva about Lily's Transfiguration marks just the other night, and we both have a theory we'd like to test. I'd really prefer to have this conversation now while Tonks is-"
"Oh, it can wait," Tonks said, brushing a hand along Remus's arm. "I'm sure you could find a reason to get me visiting again."
"Another time, then," Remus said reluctantly, moving his arm away from the girl's touch. Lily thought that was very awkwardly done, and she set about shoveling hot stew in her mouth and pretending not to notice.
"So," Mr. Weasley said, sounding eager to break the silence, "Bill's got that desk job, after all. Starts Monday."
"Brilliant," Fred and George said together.
"It will be nice having him so close again," Mrs. Weasley said fondly. "If only we could convince Charlie to come back, too."
"Like he'd ever leave his dragons behind," Ginny said. "Tonks, do the tongue thing again!"
Lily stared as Tonks's tongue darted from her mouth, looking rather like a lizard's, trying very hard not to think about the feelings that gave her.
"Where is Charlie?" Lily asked, acting as if she wasn't immensely curious about what Tonks was doing. It was completely impossible to take her eyes away, but at least she had a reason to stare this time.
"Had to head home," Mr. Weasley said. "His Portkey left two hours ago."
"He couldn't have said goodbye?" Lily asked, feeling oddly sad about it.
"He tried to," Ron said, "but you were sleeping."
"Where's Percy, then?" Lily said, taking another bite when the chatter and movement froze around her. "What?" Mrs. Weasley was moving away from her and wiping at her eyes.
"Git's not here," Fred said, his face turning red.
"Don't talk about you brother that way," Mr. Weasley said, his cool tone betraying his true feelings.
Lily shoveled more stew into her mouth. Nobody was explaining to her, but she could take the hint. Percy was gone, and it was probably her fault. She'd been expecting it for weeks, truth be told.
"How's your chest doing?" Remus asked.
"Still sore," Lily said, rubbing it. It actually hurt pretty badly, but she was never one to complain.
"I'm sure you'll be up and flying in no time," Ron said with a nudge, sliding over to take the spot next to her; she smiled to pretend it didn't cause tremendous pain.
"She will not," Mrs. Weasley said sternly, replacing her empty bowl with a fresh one. Lily muttered a thanks and then began draining it, too. "Lily, you're to rest and heal. Don't go hurting yourself again."
"Not a lot I can do about it," Lily said with her mouth full.
"By the way," Ron whispered, "Charlie left us a little something, I'll show you later."
"Just stay off that broom," Remus added helpfully. The look he was giving her made her think he knew exactly what she was planning on doing.
"Did they catch Quirrell?" Lily asked, trying to deflect.
"Not yet," Tonks said, her face back to normal but still wearing Lily's hair (it felt very surreal to look at). "But we're looking. Last we had sightings of, he was near Worcestershire, heading north. Sirius reckons that's a load of rubbish, though, thinks he'll be somewhere in the south if not abroad. Suppose he'd know, being an expert."
"Where is Sirius, anyway?" Lily asked, looking around the table for the absent man.
"He had something to take care of," Remus said way too quickly. Lily didn't believe the lie one bit, and she went back to eating stew, trying to ignore the feelings.
"Here, check this out," Fred said, he and George taking up spots right next to her (which meant scooching Ron away) and unfolding a newspaper for her perusal. The front-page photo was of her, albeit looking very sickly and laying in her hospital bed. It looked like it was taken from the door; a Healer was trying to block their access and shoo them from the room.
The-Girl-Who-Lives!
Despite initial reports, the Daily Prophet has obtained assurance that Hazel Potter (Order of Merlin, 2nd Class, picture above), will survive her wounds obtained during Quirinius Quirrell's sinister attack on the Quidditch World Cup (see page 32 for more details on her injuries) during the distraction caused by Bulgarian rioters. The Healers declined to comment on her specific condition.
"Great," Lily said, pushing the paper away from her. "Another nickname." She couldn't wait to see how people twisted that one around.
"They just swapped one letter," Ron said. "But, look, they're talking about your Order ranking again!"
"Lovely," Lily said, beginning on her third bowl of stew. "I'm sure they'll forget it again just as soon Skeeter finds something else to complain about."
"Maybe it'll be about your love life," Ginny suggested. "That always seems to be a hit." Lily felt like she was trying to get at something. She ignored it by shoveling more stew into her mouth.
"You'd think they'd have better things to talk about than a fourteen-year-old girl's affairs," Mrs. Weasley said sternly.
"Skeeter writes what will sell," Mr. Weasley said. "As soon as Lily's out of fashion, she'll move on."
"Fat chance of that," Lily said with a sigh. She sincerely hoped the French wouldn't care nearly as much about her goings-on.
"It's nice to see you've retained your appetite," Lupin said as she started on her next bowl, dipping the bread into it. Lily shrugged as she chewed, and Lupin leaned forward and lowered his voice. "Listen, if you need to talk, I could let someone else handle the shop tomorrow."
"I'm alright," Lily said, ignoring the pain in her chest.
"You almost died, Lily," Lupin said. "A traumatic experience like that is bound to get to even the best of us."
"I'm alright," Lily said again. "Really, it's not a big deal. Happens all the time."
"I'll save it for the holidays, then," Lupin said reluctantly. "Along with the other thing. But we should talk about it. Even if you think you're alright, it's not good to bottle these things inside."
"Alright," Lily said reluctantly. She chewed slowly as she thought, trying to get up the nerve. "Actually, there is something I wanted to-"
"Well, we're fresh out of stew!" Mrs. Weasley said from the stove. "You kids better clear out now, the others will all be here soon."
"Others?" Lily asked, noticing how grumpy the other minors suddenly seemed.
"We want to stay," Fred said.
"Charlie let us fight, and we'll be of age soon!" George added.
"Wait," Lily said, "who are we fighting?"
"You're not fighting anybody," Mrs. Weasley said. "It's just a precautionary meeting for your protection. Dumbledore thinks it might be necessary."
"Well, if it's for me, then I should stay!"
"Maybe she should stay, Molly," Remus said. "This could be important for her to hear."
"Absolutely not," Mrs. Weasley said sternly. "She's too young!"
"Sirius would tell me," Lily grumbled into her bowl.
"He most certainly would not," Mrs. Weasley said. "You're far too young, and we're all under very strict orders not to reveal anything to those who aren't in the Order."
"What's the order?" Ron said eagerly.
"Never you mind," Mrs. Weasley said sharply. "Now, off you go, the lot of you. Lily, you too, you need your rest."
"Fine," Lily said, pushing her bowl away. "'Spose I'll have a bath. Nice meeting you, Tonks."
"A right pleasure," Tonks said, sipping her tea.
"Remember what the Healers told you!" Mrs. Weasley called after her. "We don't want it getting infected!"
"I know," Lily said with a whine. She was pleasantly surprised to find the tub full of steaming, hot water when she arrived. She made a mental note to thank Kreacher just as soon as she saw him again.
Once she was freshened up, she went upstairs, her bed calling for her longingly. She was very disappointed to find the lights on, the curtain drawn back, and Ginny laying on the other bed, her feet in the air as she read from a magazine. Lily was pretty sure it was one of her magazines, as a matter of fact. She tried not to feel too offended by that.
"Hey, listen," Ginny said as she crossed the room, moving so her feet were now dangling off the side. "Can we talk?"
"Can we?" Lily asked, not quite meaning it to sound as rude as it did.
"Why are you dating Cedric?" Ginny asked, ignoring her comment.
"Because he asked me," Lily said, sitting on her own bed.
"But do you fancy him?" Ginny asked nervously.
"Yes," Lily lied. It would be true eventually. She just needed to figure out how first.
"I don't get it," Ginny said, her face scrunching up. "Why were you kissing Katie?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Lily said, moving to recline on her bed. Her face felt hot as she stared up at Gwenog Jones.
"I know what I saw, Lily," Ginny said. "You were snogging her! I just don't get why."
"I've never snogged anybody but Cedric," Lily lied.
"But-"
"Drop it."
"Why would you go out with Cedric if you don't fancy him?" Ginny said instead. "I don't get it."
Lily closed her eyes, letting the conversation lapse into silence.
"Do you fancy other girls?"
"No."
"Is that why you always laughed at everything Lavender Brown said? Merlin, does she fancy you?"
"Ginny, please."
"Does Hermione know?"
"There's nothing to know," Lily snapped. "Drop it, will you?"
"I know what I saw," Ginny grumbled.
"I think you're the one who seems entirely too obsessed with girls," Lily said. "Maybe stop projecting, yeah?"
"I don't fancy girls!" Ginny said, her face a bright red.
"And neither do I," Lily said confidently. She'd make it true. She just needed to talk to Lupin first, was all, and he was just too busy right now. They'd get around to it.
"I know what I saw," Ginny grumbled one last time. "I'm going to go take a bath."
Lily said nothing as Ginny got up and left, slamming the door behind her. She let out a little sigh and closed her eyes just as the door swung open again, this time Ron coming in with a stack of magazines in his hands.
"Check these out," he said eagerly, clicking the lock behind him.
"What?" Lily asked, feeling immensely curious as Ron sat next to her.
"Here," he said, handing her one of them. She immediately felt her face growing hot again as she stared at the scantily clad woman on the cover. "Nice, aren't they?"
"No!" Lily said far too defensively, feeling immensely relieved that Ginny was gone. Her hands opened the pages against her will, giving her a better look at the titillating contents within.
"These are what Charlie left," Ron said. "I was confused why he wanted you to have half, at first, but then I saw the price tag." One of Ron's fingers drummed on the cover of the top magazine. "Reckon we could get at least half for them?"
"I think you could get the full amount, Ron," Lily said without looking away.
"You hit your head, too?" Ron said with a laugh. "They're a bit vintage, don't you think? Some of them don't even move. How would we get even close to full?"
There was no way in hell she was going to tell Ron how. That was going to be her little secret. She had to swallow when she turned the page; that position was entirely too scandalous for her feverish brain to handle.
"I'll take them off of you," she offered, her mouth dry. "Sell them at Beauxbatons. They'll go for more if people think they were owned by me."
"That makes sense," Ron said after a moment, nodding along. "Forgot about the Potter tax. Knew Charlie was on to something, there. You're going to split it with me, right?"
"Of course," Lily said, fully intending on just paying him for all of them herself.
"Good," Ron said in relief. "I was hoping to buy a better broom, to be honest."
Lily glanced at the stack, wondering if it was really worth paying that much. She felt like this was going to be really bad for her plan. If anybody found them, especially Ginny, it'd be impossible to hide the secret any longer, but the temptation was almost-
One of the women blew a kiss at her, sending her heartrate soaring.
The answer was yes.
"I know we probably won't get that much," Ron said, misinterpreting her longing stare, "but between that and my Order prize, I figured I should at least be able to swing the new Nimbus."
"I thought your mum wanted you to save it," Lily said, not taking her eyes off the nearest magazine.
"I think I could convince them to let me spend some of it," Ron said. "I really think I might have a shot of going pro, and Charlie thinks so, too, he loaned me all his old notes now that you don't need them anymore."
"Make Quidditch Captain, then?" Lily asked, giving in and picking up the closest one. She could just look. That'd be alright, surely.
Ron snorted. "No, but I'm too young, aren't I?"
"They made me Captain."
"Right, but their choices were you or disbanding."
"Cho made it, too!"
"Right, but she's their best player! McGonagall would just cut me loose even if I was that good. Anyway, Charlie said he'd help me convince them. They'd never let me spend it all on a Firebolt, but if we get a decent amount from the magazines, I wouldn't even need to use half of it, and- Lily, will you stop squirming around?"
"Sorry," Lily said. She set the magazine back down on the stack and then got up to move around, hoping that would cool her down a bit. When that didn't work, she opened the balcony door and stood there, letting the cool night air do it.
"I don't think that's a good idea when you just had a fever," Ron said from her bed.
"Probably not," Lily agreed, still doing it anyway.
"What are you even doing?" Ron asked suspiciously.
"Nothing!" Lily said innocently. "Fresh air just helps me think, and I need to come up with a good sales pitch if we're going to get you a new broom."
"That makes sense," Ron said after a brief pause. "You think we can do it, then?"
"Absolutely," Lily said. She had enough money in her purse right now, after all.
"Wicked," Ron said. Lily finally closed the door now that she was starting to shiver again. "We should-"
"Oi, you," Fred said as he entered her room uninvited, George right behind him. "Out."
"Why?" Ron asked after a pause. "We were talking about-"
"Doesn't matter," George said, tugging him off the bed by the arm. "It's our turn to talk to her, now, you had yours."
"But-"
"Just go, Ron," Lily said, stuffing the magazines into her school trunk while the twins were distracted. The last thing she wanted was for them to see them. The whole charade would be over if that happened; they'd never be able to stop teasing her about it, and it would only be a matter of time before they slipped up in front of other people.
"Fine," Ron said, grumbling as he left the room. Fred closed it behind them and then locked it with a quick flick of his wrist.
"Dear sister," George said, grabbing her by the shoulder and leading her to her bed. "It seems we made a grievous error."
"You have our full apologies," Fred said, making a show of bowing deeply.
"What do you want?" Lily asked, narrowing her eyes in suspicion.
"Your forgiveness," George said, joining his brother in their mocking little show.
"For what?" Lily asked, crossing her arms. "What did you do?"
Fred and George exchanged a glance with each other.
"You saved me," Fred said, sounding far more serious now. "I'd be dead if you hadn't shoved me out of the way, and twice at that."
"And you almost died doing it," George said, matching his tone.
"Thanks," Fred said awkwardly.
"Don't mention it," Lily said. "Really, don't. I don't want to think about it."
"You shouldn't put yourself into danger like that, Lily," George said.
"You almost died doing it," Fred repeated. "And neither of us would have been able to stand it if you died after our row."
Lily couldn't remember having a row, but she got the sense that would be a terrible thing to say.
"We're sorry," George said. "You just wanted to help us, and we turned you down."
"So, we're going to let you help," Fred said, clearing his throat and putting back on his showmanship voice. "You can fund us, you can help us invent the things, or you can just help us test the products. You're one of us."
Fred and George both held out their hands for her to shake, which she did (very awkwardly).
"Welcome to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes," they said together.
"Thanks," Lily said, feeling oddly choked up. "But- but why me?"
"You're family," Fred said with a shrug.
"Even if that git Percy says otherwise," George said with a scowl.
"But you didn't invite Ron, or Ginny, or- or anybody else," Lily said. "Why me?"
"Because you wanted to help," Fred said. "You offered to, while everybody else asks us to stop or just ignores it."
"Even Bill thinks the shop's a bad idea," George said. "That's why we wanted to do it on our own. Prove them all wrong, you know?"
"But if you'd died after we refused you," Fred said, voice trailing off without another word. Lily understood. They probably would have given it up.
"We'll show you what we have tomorrow," George said. "You already saw the ears, but we've got a lot more done, and even more than that needs a good go through."
"Sounds brilliant," Lily said, stifling a huge yawn.
"We'll let you get some rest," Fred said, dragging his brother back over to the door.
"Thanks," Lily said, already feeling herself drifting off as they clicked the door shut. She took the brief moment to pull her blankets up to her chin and then gave in, letting the void world take her.
"All is not lost yet, Master."
"Is that so?"
"It is a great setback, yes, but if we move forward with my plan, then we may still be able to get our hands on the boy."
"Are you so eager to have a fresh bride, Lucius?" Lily laughed, the complete mockery of mirth filling the room and sending the other inhabitants into a cold silence.
"I seek only to serve you as well as I can, master," Lucius said.
"I do not see how it is even possible," she said.
"It'll be easier now, Master," Lucius said. "With what we've gained from Jorkins, it'll be a trivial matter to arrange the rest, especially with him under your control."
"Turn me, Wormtail."
Wormtail hurried forward, head bent low so as not to see her twisted form. He recoiled as he put his hands on her seat, her mere presence foul enough to disturb him greater. Still, though, he wasn't made a Gryffindor for nothing, and he managed to push through until she was fully facing Lucius's kneeled form.
"Go on," she said patiently. "Let us hear this grand plan of yours, Lucius."
The door closed, knocking Lily out of her sound stupor. She could hear the traces of one last snore leave her throat as her head snapped upwards, trying to find the source of the sound. Ginny was still sleeping softly across the room in her own bed, and while she was told Kreacher liked to sneak into rooms, she could see no sign of him, either.
Lily felt incredibly hot under her covers, her forehead covered in sweat, but when she moved them off, she was shivering uncontrollably. She tried to deal with it and fall back asleep, but between the pain in her chest and the one now in her head, she found she was wide awake. She wrapped a blanket around her body, slipped her fuzzy little bunnies on her feet, and then shuffled out as quietly as she could, settling on fetching a nice, cold glass of milk to calm her down.
There was a light coming from the Drinking Room, with the door cracked slightly open. She could hear a voice talking softly as she approached, and she did her best to ignore it completely. She felt quite proud of herself when she made it fully past. Not a single word overheard, and not a single hurt feeling caused by it. Just for that, she might put a bit of cocoa in her milk as a little reward.
It was much harder to ignore on her way back up, as this time, when she tried to pass, she heard someone crying. Her natural curiosity (and worry) had her pushing the door open before she could even consider it, and she found Sirius staring at an old photograph, a glass of whiskey in his hand and a half-empty bottle next to him. His eyes were bleary and red, tearstains running down his cheeks. As soon as he saw her, he hurried to wipe them away, letting the photo fall to the ground as he plastered a smile on his face.
"You up, then?" he said, sniffing quickly and wiping his face. "Didn't mean to wake you, I was just- just checking in."
"What's wrong?" Lily asked, clicking the door shut gently behind her. The last thing she would want is for anybody else to hear her. The second to last thing she would have wanted was for somebody to find her crying and then not do anything about it.
"Nothing," Sirius said, taking a sip of his drink. He stared at for a moment, thinking, and then gestured towards her with it. "Want one?"
"I probably shouldn't," Lily said, sitting next to him gently. "You know. With the giant gash on my chest and everything."
"Right," Sirius said, downing the rest of his drink and then going to pour another one with a shaking hand.
"Here," Lily said, taking both bottle and cup and pouring for him.
"Thanks," Sirius said with a tight smile before taking another sip, taking a moment to swirl the amber liquid afterwards.
"You weren't at supper," Lily said. Sirius shook his head and took another sip.
"Couldn't," he said quietly.
"Why?"
Sirius shrugged. "Didn't think you'd want me there."
"I'm not mad anymore," Lily said, leaning a head on his shoulder. "I wasn't even really mad before. It's just- I was scared."
Sirius nodded and drank more.
"I wanted to apologize," Lily said quietly. "I- I meant to, before- well- you were gone, so I didn't get to."
"You don't have a thing to apologize for," Sirius said. "I'm the adult, and Remus told me I'd need to be careful when you're distressed, and I- I messed it up."
Lily just nodded, head still on his shoulder. Sirius downed the rest of his drink, poured another, took a sip, and then continued talking.
"I thought I'd lost you," he said. "I thought I'd lost you, and that the last thing I'd said to you was- well-"
"I know," Lily said awkwardly.
"You're all I've got," Sirius said. "You're all that got me through Azkaban. I just thought- I didn't try to escape sooner because- I- I thought you'd be happy. I didn't think you'd want me, not after I got your parents killed."
"Sirius-"
"You were right," Sirius said, cutting her off and then taking another deep drink. "They'd still be here if it wasn't for Peter, and I was the one that gave him the opportunity. It wasn't you I was angry at, Lily. It was me."
Lily swallowed down the lump in her throat. She considered mentioning what she knew about the prophecy, about what Snape did, but now didn't seem the appropriate time for it."
"It wasn't you," she said instead.
"It was," Sirius said, finishing off the drink and pouring again. "It's something I've got to learn to deal with. Especially if I want to be there for you."
"What were you doing in here?" Lily asked after a pause.
"Just thinking," Sirius said awkwardly. "And- well- giving a few apologies."
"Apologies?"
"I should have been there," Sirius said, drinking again. "For your childhood and against Quirrell. I just- I needed to get away, after our- our row, and- I should have been there. You never would have been in that position if I had been. So, I had to tell them I'm sorry for- for everything, really."
"It's alright, Sirius," Lily said.
Sirius shook his head and drank again. "It's not. I should have been there. I never should have left you with those- those monsters."
Lily noticed the dark twist on Sirius's face, and she pulled away, but before she could say anything, Sirius was talking again.
"I went to see them, when I thought that- that you might die," he said, the liquid in his glass swirling dangerously close to the lip. "Your aunt and uncle, I mean. I just thought- I thought they'd want to know. I know you said they were awful, and I- Remus told me you wouldn't want to, but I had to. I guess- I guess part of me assumed you were wrong, or- or-"
"I wasn't lying," Lily said, a brief flicker of fear, anger, and pain flickering through her.
"I know," Sirius said, drinking again. "They proved that much to me."
Sirius sank back into silence, and Lily let him. Just the mere mention of her family brought back all the old memories she'd worked so hard to bury. She stared down at the floor, her left hand twitching and clenching, and took a deep breath. She focused her mind back on the clock and forgot.
"What's this?" she asked, mind and voice clear, bending down to pick up the forgotten photo from the cold tiles where it lay.
"The old Order," Sirius said, looking at it wistfully. "Mad-Eye brought it with him tonight. We're not back together, yet, but he thought it'd be a good reminder of what our lack of preparation cost us last time."
Lily ran her thumb over the old, aged paper her eyes locked on two particular people on the right side, smiling widely and untouched by the horrors of war.
"Yeah," Sirius said, taking another long sip of his drink. "That's them."
Lily swallowed hard. Her mother was so beautiful. She already knew that, she'd already seen so many photos of her, but it shocked her every time. She ran a hand through her hair, the hair she inherited, just as the eyes the two women shared misted over.
"She always wanted a daughter," Sirius said, staring up at the ceiling as more tears escaped his eyes. "She was- she was looking forward to it more than anything. Couldn't wait for your hair to get long enough for her to braid, couldn't wait to help you paint your nails, she- she wanted to do everything with you."
Lily nodded, the glossy paper crinkling slightly when she tightened her grip.
"James did, too," Sirius continued. "Kept joking before you were born that he wanted a boy, but as soon as he saw you, his tone changed completely. Wanted to teach you to fly, wanted to- to teach you your first spell." Sirius cleared this throat, wiped his face, and then took a deep breath, chuckling softly to himself. "Merlin, he even wanted to- he was looking forward to the bloody tea parties. Had a fake name picked out for himself and everything. 'I'll be Lord Prongson, and you can be Paddington.'"
Lily laughed at that, taking the moment to wipe her own tears away. "Bet he was proud of that."
"He was," Sirius said wistfully. "He always said that-" Sirius took another deep breath, and then turned to look at her, his drink set down and forgotten. "What he was looking forward to the most was walking you down the aisle."
Lily sucked on her lip, desperate to hold back more tears as she looked back down at the photo. Her father was handsome, too, his hair a complete mess, and his glasses perched high up on his nose. He had a Quidditch player's build, and the clothes he wore showed it off well. He also had a hand perched protectively on her mother's stomach, the two exchanging a knowing look.
"They'd just found out," Sirius said when she ran a hand over the spot. "Hadn't told anybody yet, not even me. Your mother went into hiding a few weeks later, before she could start showing. James waited a few more months, wanted to be involved in the war as long as he could. Played it all off like- like they were just hiding from Voldemort. He'd approached them with an offer, see, a few times by then, but they turned him down every time." Sirius scoffed. "As if they'd ever have gone for it."
"They're so young," Lily said quietly.
"We all were," Sirius said at the same volume. "We were only a couple years out of school by that point, if even that. James just finished his auror training, and he hardly had anytime to use it before resigning so he could be with your mother."
"Can I keep this?" Lily asked.
"Of course, you can," Sirius said, putting an arm around her shoulders and kissing the top of her head.
"Thanks," Lily said quietly, leaning her head into Sirius's shoulder and allowing him to hold her tighter.
"They loved you, Lily," Sirius said, leaning his head onto hers and squeezing her tighter.
"I know," Lily said, taking a deep breath to get rid of the tightness in her chest.
"I'm sorry they couldn't have been here with you," Sirius asked. "You deserve them, not me."
"I'm sorry," Lily said, still staring at the photo. "I- I sh-shouldn't have said what I did."
"You don't have to apologize to me, Lily," Sirius said softly.
"I want to," Lily said, swallowing down a hiccup. "I'm s-sorry, Sirius, really, I- I didn't mean it. I was just- I was-"
"I know," Sirius said. "I shouldn't have, either, not any of it. To be honest, I- I tried to get Dumbledore to let you stay at the Burrow. When I thought that- that you were- I couldn't stand the thought of it all ending like that. I just want you to be happy."
Lily didn't say anything to that, but she didn't think she'd have been able to. She snuggled closer to Sirius as he leaned back into the corner of the couch, drawing her legs up to her chest and leaning her head against his, one of his arms draped protectively over her.
"I thought I'd lost you," Sirius said quietly. "I don't think I could have taken that. Not after- after everything else."
Lily nodded. She understood completely.
"When this all blows over," Sirius continued, "when we've caught Quirrell, and we've chased off Voldemort, you can go back, I promise. I won't keep you here."
"Thanks," Lily said, her voice tight.
"I love you, Lily," Sirius said, kissing the top of her head again.
Lily didn't know quite what to say. She wanted to say it right back, but when she opened her mouth, she couldn't get any words to come out. The words meant everything to her, but she had no idea how to explain that to him. She had no idea how to tell him that this was all she ever wanted, right here, laying on the couch with somebody who genuinely cared for her wellbeing. She loved the Weasleys, sure, but she'd never been able to get that close to them.
"Thanks," she managed at last.
"Listen," Sirius said after a few minutes of very comforting silence, "there's something that- I was going to give them to you for your birthday- your real one- but, well-"
"What is it?" Lily asked, rubbing at her still-stinging eyes.
"Wait here," Sirius said, reluctantly extricating himself from underneath Lily and leaving the room. Lily whiled the time away staring at the photo. She could see Neville's parents, too, looking healthy and happy and sane, Remus and Sirius were both near her own parents, looking much younger, like the world hadn't gotten to them, yet, and Wormtail was right behind them. Lily wondered if he'd defected yet at that point, but she supposed it didn't matter.
What happened was past, and now she was stuck with the consequences of it all.
The rest of the order, she didn't recognize, all except for Dumbledore and Mad-Eye Moody, although Moody was nowhere near as scarred or defaced. He didn't even have the eye he was name for yet, and as far as Lily could tell he was standing on two real legs. There was another man near Dumbledore, giving him a terrible look, that Lily could have sworn was the proprietor of the Hog's Head, but she was sure she must be mistaken on that one.
When Sirius returned shortly after she finally put the photo down on the nearby table, he handed her a small box before taking his previous seat, pulling Lily back into the same position. Lily didn't mind it one bit.
"What is it?" she asked, shaking the box.
"Why don't you open it and find out?" Sirius said. "Happy birthday, Lily."
Lily snuggled in closer and then did just that, flipping the small lid open. Inside the box was a lot of soft, velvety cushioning, safely holding two rings. One had a large, red garnet held in twisting gold. The other was two metals intertwined, gold and red, thicker, but without a gemstone.
"Was this-" Lily asked, her voice breaking and trailing off.
"The gem was your mother's," Sirius said sounding just as emotional. "Your father didn't want any jewels, said he had enough of that rubbish growing up, so he just settled for the Gryffindor colours. Your mother said that meant she had to match, too, so she chose garnet for the red, and it just happened to work out that it was her birthstone, too. And yours, too, for that matter. I don't think I've said, but- but your mother was thrilled to have you born so close to her own."
"I can really have them?" Lily asked, unable to stop staring.
"They wanted you to," Sirius said. "They were supposed to be left to you, but- well, it took a while to track them down, but I got them in the end. I'll spare you the details. You can wear them if you'd like. They're enchanted to meld to your fingers and never fall off unless you want them to."
"I don't know," Lily said nervously, chewing her lip.
"They're yours, Lily," Sirius said. "They didn't want you to end up with them so soon, but they were always meant to be. Your mother wanted you to wear hers, and your father wanted you to give his to whatever bloke you married- I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you gave it to a bird, either."
Lily swallowed, the same awful feelings and nerves coming back to her, tears welling up unbidden.
"I- I'm not- I d-don't want to b-be-"
"It's alright," Sirius said gently, kissing her head again. "You don't have to tell me a thing. I just want you to know, Lily, that it doesn't matter who you are or who you love. Not one bit. I'll love you just the same."
Lily sniffed and wiped at her eyes.
"I know it's hard," Sirius said. "Believe me, I know better than you could possibly understand. Just give it some thought, go experiment and explore yourself while you're at Beauxbatons. When you've figured it out for yourself, then you can tell me, and I'll accept it no matter what it is you find. If its blokes, brilliant, I'll even let you sneak off with Cedric again. If not, well- I'll have to dole out a lot of money to get a few laws passed, but you'll get to walk down that aisle, I promise you. James would have done exactly the same."
"Thanks," Lily finally managed, a trembling hand taking her mum's ring from the box and slipping it over one of her finger's (right hand, of course; the last thing she needed was another scandal). Her father's she put on the same hand, although it went over the middle finger rather than the ring.
It felt strange, but also right. She felt like she should be sad, or angry, or a host of other things.
Instead, she knew instinctively that this memory would be strong enough to cast a Patronus.
"I love you, Lily," Sirius said one more time, his voice drowsy and low. Lily looked slightly up, finding his head leaned back against the couch and his eyes closed. While she watched, his breathing slowed until a soft snore started. She considered getting up and moving to her own bed now that she was starting to feel tired again.
Instead, she snuggled in closer to Sirius, draping the blanket she was still wearing over the both of them, and was dozing off within a minute.