North Stars
Chapter 13
Christine didn't understand Mike's hesitancy about the baby. He had always loved children and enjoyed when their kids were young. He had not brought up an abortion again and had told her to buy anything she needed for the baby. But he had no interest in the gender, names or details. The next day, she waited until she knew Kara was gone to visit and immediately knew that Mike was in a bad mood. She bent down and kissed his cheek but he just turned away.
"How did your visit with Kara go?" Christine asked.
"How do you expect that it went? Fifty-three…the count went up last night…died. The Congress wants to know why and I am supposed to testify as soon as possible." Mike answered.
"But Kara has already said you are not to blame." Christine commented.
"Congresswoman Greene still has to cross the t's and dot the I's. Which means I have to relive it all…and they don't like the answer; 'I don't recall.'" Mike argued.
"Mike…you know the process. You know that you were going to have to testify." Christine said. She was not prepared for Mike to throw his water cup at her. Mike had never done anything like that before. "Okay; enough. I am not going to stay here when you are like this. The girls wanted to visit but I will make them wait. Call me when you are in a better frame of mind. I love you." Christine said in the calmest voice she could muster. She kissed Mike's forehead, grabbed her purse and left before anything else could be said. Mike's favorite nurse caught her in the hallway and smiled.
"I saw. Christine; you've been a military wife for years and you know the statistics and all that. Stay away for a day or so and I promise he will be in a better frame of mind when you come back. I will take care of him and will call you. Did he hurt you when he threw the cup?" Sandy asked.
"No. Just surprised me. I guess better me than one of the girls and Congresswoman Greene." Christine answered.
"I suppose so but you are pregnant. Did you find out what you're having?" Sandy asked.
"A boy. I am thrilled but I know Mike…won't be." Christine admitted. Sandy knew that Mike had asked Christine to have an abortion to begin with and had completely disassociated about the baby.
"Frankly; I think its all caught up with him. Losing your son. Losing so many of his crew. Whatever happened in the Baltic. Christine; he is a hero. Everyone knows it. He is not at fault for what happened, but he has to know and admit it wasn't his fault. The knowing and admitting is the problem." Sandy said.
"Doesn't explain how he feels about the baby." Christine remarked.
"Grief is the last act of love. He doesn't want to…more or less seal the love he had for Lucas. To close it out. And to him, loving the new baby feels like he is replacing and not loving Lucas anymore." Sandy said.
"So, how do I fix that?" Christine asked.
"You don't. He has to. I have asked Dr. Adams to refer in a psychiatrist. That might help some." Sandy said.
"Mike will hate that." Christine remarked.
"He has to talk to someone. What about a priest or pastor?" Sandy asked.
"He might talk to a priest. Of course; he hasn't had much use for religion in a while. I like going to church and the girls and I have since we've been reunited but Mike has been resistant so I am not sure." Christine said.
"Well, all we can do is try. Our hospital chaplain is good." Sandy said.
"He also is close friends with Russ Jeter, who was kind of the de facto chaplain for the James." Christine remarked.
"In cases like this, sometimes it is better if the friend stays the friend and Mike might not want a friend to see him crack…and he probably will crack up some. I am sure Master Chief Jeter is a wonderful chaplain, but lets try a stranger first." Sandy suggested.
"I am open to anything. That man in there…Mike is not an angry person. Grumpy at times, yes, but not angry. That man in there is not my husband. Physically, yes but not emotionally. And I really want this baby to know his daddy and for his daddy to love his son." Christine remarked with tears in her voice.
"You go home and get some rest. I will call you when Mike is ready to see you again and I will make sure he is okay. And the night nurse is good too. I will warn her." Sandy said. She rubbed Christine's shoulder and smiled at her.
"Just remind him that we love him. I don't want him to feel that he is unloved." Christine said.
"I will do that." Sandy answered.
"Thank you for taking such good care of him. I know Mike isn't the easiest patient and I know he has been particularly ornery lately. He really is a good man." Christine said as she stood at the elevator.
"He is not the first to go through PTSD and he won't be the last. It affects everyone, even Admirals, good men, husbands and fathers. We'll have him back to normal, albeit a new normal, before that baby makes his appearance." Sandy said.
"I hope so. Mike doesn't even know it's a boy." Christine said.
"Just relax." Sandy instructed. The elevator doors opened and Christine stepped inside, hoping and praying that Sandy was right. She needed Mike to be okay.