BLOODSHARED

Disclaimer: I do not own The Vampire Diaries or any of the characters, I just like to play in their world.:)

Chapter 21 ~ Depression

(Ring Ring)

I stand with a huff and grab my bag next to me on the bed to retrieve my cell phone. I look and see it's Caroline...

"Hello" I answer sadly

"Hey!...What's wrong? What happened last night?" Caroline ask in a frantic tone.

"Not much, just Damon's Jackass reveal of a new plan to clear his head and get control and today is his first act in his new plan." I say in a deep voice, mixed with sadness and anger.

"A new plan?" Caroline asks in a high pitch voice.

I sit up and with a deep sigh and a quick draw of breath...I explain...

"Damon says he had taken a road trip this last week to clear his head...Florida... be exact..and it didn't seem to work. He said he has a new plan to take back control and it involves a blonde friend of Jenna's...Andie!" I spit out hastily.

Hot tears are flowing down my cheeks but I'm too angry to allow any sobs with my tears and now Caroline sighs...takes a deep breath and out it spills...

"So let me get this straight. Damon has admitted that he is Not in control (she emphasizes), that even a long trip didn't work, and now he is so desperate he is trying to use some blonde as a distraction." she states with a giggle and I can almost see the smirk on her face, just by the tone of her voice.

"And...?" I say irritated that she is amused while I'm hurting.

"Elena!" Caroline shouts!

"What Caroline!" I say sternly and in haste.

"Duh! Don't you see it? Damon is totally acting out of desperation. He is not in control at all! You have him wrapped around your little finger, on his knees at your very command!" She states excitedly with an assurance to her tone.

"Then why is he going on a date with her today? (voice raising) Why, this morning was Damon an inch away from my face wiping away my angry, jealous tears and whispered to me that he is doing this for both of us?" I spit at her in one breath.

"What do you expect Elena? You are with Stefan and this Bloodsharing has turned into kissing and even more! Damon knows you love Stefan, so he's just trying to do the right thing! It is so hard for him that he's getting a blonde toy to distract him, Damon's cravings ….obviously are as bad as yours and even worse for him because he has feelings for you!" she says with a pleading to her voice.

I take a deep breath, letting all she has said sink in for a minute and then I reply in a small voice...

"I never thought of it that way."

I pause a moment and my hand covers my mouth as my eyes go wide in horror! Oh God, I am being selfish and acting like a jealous girlfriend when I have no right to! I have a boyfriend...Stefan...his brother! I start to cry again and say...

"Thank you Caroline, your right. I am acting like a jealous...selfish fool. Damon is taking the noble path, trying to do what's right! I am feeling an ache in my chest (I continue to confess to her) and an even deeper longing for him, that for once is not driven by the craving."

I shake my head ….No...this is not fair to him. I need to text him and apologize and let him be...

"Well I didn't say that!" Caroline responds with a surprise in her voice.

"No, but I did. You didn't see the way I treated him last night or this morning Caroline. I even told him I hoped he had the worst date ever!" I tell her, feeling shame wash over me as my shoulders slump.

"Sounds like you feel more than just cravings Elena, maybe you should just back off even more, take a long beat, and give yourself some major space to think and sort out your own feelings. Let Damon have his Distraction, that sounds fair and reasonable for both of you." Caroline adds in a soft voice.

"Your right Caroline, thank you so much. Listen I need to text Damon an apology. Call me later?" I try to add in a happier tone but there is just no disguising the sadness in my voice.

Caroline starts to speak and I cut her off "Oh, I may need you and Bonnie's help with something!" I blurt out.

"Sure, with what?" Caroline asks sounding serious now. Se must of picked up on the urgency in my voice. I better fill her in...

"Stefan met with Katherine last weekend while we were at Zippo's. Matt saw them and thought it was me and that I was ignoring him, anyway...Stefan has said nothing to me or Damon. Damon says wait to see if Stefan comes to us but if I'm going to get space from Damon (swallowing hard) I am going to need you and Bonnie to help me figure out what's going on, plus you should know in case Katherine tries to impersonate me again!" I speak quickly feeling some relief to get this off my chest and to have warned Caroline.

"Oh, well I will call Bonnie right now and see if she can help?" Caroline sounds worried, but she's trying to sound fine for my sake.

"Okay, thank you Caroline." I say with raw emotion in my voice.

"Call me later Lena."

I quickly end the call and text Damon:

from Elena:

I'm so sorry for the way I acted last night and this morning. I wasn't thinking clearly. I understand Damon...really I do! Enjoy your Date:) I think it's best we just give each other space for awhile. I also need time to clear my head and a plan to take back control as well. Your my friend Damon and I care more than you know;)

I finished the text and I thought I would feel better but instead my heart aches with a deep sadness, tears are streaming down my face endlessly and my brain cant stop thinking of the Craving! The wondrous feel of being fed from and all the stress it was relieving my body of, but overall there is something else taking over me, a familiar kind of dark shadow and I start to feel sick, an ache over my whole body, weakness, and I have to lay down on my bed. Giving in to this familiar dark feeling that has overtaken me before...right after my parents died...Depression.