"I get it, Hermione," Lily grumbled on their walk towards Potions. "Can you please drop it?"
"It's not right," Hermione said in that hoity-toity voice of hers.
"It's none of your business!"
"It was yesterday," Hermione said, a smug satisfaction on the last word.
Lily clenched her jaw. Sure, she spent most of the day laying in bed, too sick to move much further than the loo, and, sure, Hermione was forced to clean up her mess when she failed to make it to the loo the first time around, but she did manage to at least crawl down to her session with Professor Belby. That the professor sent her back for more rest after just half an hour wasn't relevant in the slightest.
She'd have recovered much faster if she didn't have to spend so much time arguing with Hermione about it. It was hard to get some much-needed sleep when your roommate wanted to tell you off for how much of a knob you were. At least Hermione was talking to her again, but she wasn't sure if it was much of an improvement, considering every conversation was exactly the same.
"It's fine," Lily insisted. "I'm not going to have as much next weekend, and I'll be more careful. Alright?"
"And are you going to go snogging someone again?" Hermione asked, crossing her arms.
Lily just clenched her jaw and remained silent.
"Lily, you can't go."
"I'm going."
"You could be expelled!" Hermione said, not quite getting the hint. "You can't put yourself at this much risk just because you want to have some fun, Lily. Don't be stupid."
"And you can't presume to tell me what I can or cannot do," Lily said, feeling her nostrils flare. "You're not my mother, Hermione."
"Lily-"
"I'm going," Lily said, storming past her. "And that's that."
They spent the subsequent class brewing their respective potions in an uncomfortable silence. Lily, admittedly, only made it worse when, upon Professor Belby ordering the class to divide up in partners, picked her cauldron up and moved it over to Henri's table, completely displacing a furious Clara.
At the very least, though Henri made for a fantastic conversation, as they spent the class time going over their Quidditch playbooks and talking about their own ideas that they'd like to try out on the field. Henri briefly seemed horrified when Lily described the violent maneuvers she'd been practicing in her spare time, but he brightened up very quickly when she invited him to come watch (and even offered to teach him a few, if he wanted).
Lily had no idea who Hermione partnered up with, and she didn't care. She never even once looked in the girl's direction. She wished she could say the same about Clara; the girl spent the entire time trying to kill Lily with a single glance. She felt no sympathy, though; she suspected the truth, and was just trying to figure out how best to bring it up.
After Potions, she had a very quick meeting with Professor Belby about the state of their Polyjuice Potion, promised to meet up in the evening before curfew to add the Lacewing flies, and then hurried off to eat a very hurried lunch before Charms. Hermione was nowhere to be seen at any table, and Lily was starting to feel bad about her previous attitude. She didn't like the rowing, but it was preferable to not seeing her at all.
She tried to make it up to her constant companion during the next class, but upon her arrival, she found that Hermione didn't leave her a seat, and was sitting with a disgruntled looking boy instead. Thankfully, there was no partner work this time around, and Lily took all her notes in silence, sitting next to Henri and Clara, listening to them chat amicably and trying to ignore the little snide comments and barbs Clara sent her way.
"Course, I don't know how you get any boys looking your way at all, honestly," she said once. "She's just too tall, don't you think, Henri?"
"What?"
"Oh, shut up, will you?" Lily snapped.
"I was only joking, Potter, relax," Clara said with a sneer. "I thought you were tired of my compliments."
"Maybe I'm just tired of you in general," Lily said, rising to her feet and leaving the two of them alone.
Hermione didn't save her a seat in Arithmancy, either, but she didn't need to, since Lily sprinted to the class just as soon as Charms ended and then waited in the corner for Hermione to arrive. The bushy-haired girl didn't think to check for her until she was sliding into the neighbouring seat.
"I'm sorry," she said instantly, earning her a look of reproval from Hermione. "I shouldn't have said what I did. You were just trying to help. I just- can we drop it? Please?"
Lily noticed Hermione's jaw clench and supposed that was as good as she was going to get.
They spent that class taking notes in silence, only to be forced to converse as they worked on their arithmetic problems together. By the time class was over, Hermione seemed to have mostly forgiven Lily. Her tone was a bit cool as they walked to dinner, but she was at least trying to hold a conversation. She did stop talking when Clara exchanged a quick, chaste kiss with Henri before running off to do Merlin-knows-what, but she chose to not say anything to Lily about it as they walked back to their dorm room. When Lily returned from her nightly run, Hermione was already fast asleep in her bed, little half-finished hats strewn around her. Lily didn't consider that a slight, though; life at Beauxbatons was hectic and exhausting.
"I'm sorry, too," Hermione said during breakfast the next morning, nibbling moodily at a croissant. Lily offered her a smile, and they walked to their first class of the day in companionable silence.
Transfiguration continued being Lily's least favourite class, as she completely failed to turn her pumpkin into a carriage even slightly suitable for the mice/horses that were supposed to be pulling it, but Hermione helping her and offering advice to counter Clara's snickering did a lot to improve her mood.
They were finished with mermaids in Care of Magical Creatures, much to Lily's chagrin, but they did start learning about Ashwinders, some cute little grey snakes that liked to live in the ashes of magical fires. Madame Maxime herself showed up to put out the Great Blaze in the middle of the dining platform (as well as to relight it once they were done) so that they could move the snakes to much smaller, contained areas. Once they laid their eggs (which could happen at any point in the next two weeks), the snakes would disintegrate into ash within an hour, a fact which Lily recounted far too happily for the class upon Professor Gagnon calling on her. When he showed off her sketch of the cute little guys to the whole class, heaping all sorts of praise on her for capturing the precise details, Lily felt like she was floating on clouds, especially when Madame Maxime gave her a very approving nod and smile.
That fuzzy feeling did very little to help her concentrate in Ancient Runes, but she at least had Hermione's notes to fall back on, and she did so during their supper before hurrying off to meet Fleur.
"Hello, Lily," Fleur said with a tired smile when she arrived.
"Hello!" Lily said far too cheerily, leaning against the tree in her best attempt to seem casual and cute. Fleur hardly seemed to notice at all. "You- err- look very pretty today."
"Thank you," Fleur said, drawing her wand. "We should get working, I have to leave early to meet with Madame Maxime."
"Err- don't you want to talk, first?"
"About what?"
"The- err- you- the party?"
"Yes, it was very nice," Fleur said. "Are you coming next weekend?"
"Do you want me to?" Lily said, far too much excitement in her voice.
"Why wouldn't I?" Fleur asked. "It'll be nice to spend more time together."
"Yeah," Lily agreed, that stupid smile on her face.
Several times, she purposefully got her Dueling stance wrong so that Fleur would correct her from behind. She didn't think that was very good for her plan, but she found she didn't care whenever Miss Delacour was involved. Just the slightest touch of Fleur's hand on hers, and the vague impression her body left on Lily's back, had her feeling like she was melting. She went on a much longer run than normal that night in an attempt to cool down, and when that failed, she spent a very long time in the bath.
In Transfiguration the next morning, Lily was still riding that particular high, humming to herself while they took notes. It seemed to annoy Hermione, but the girl didn't say anything to her about it, not even in History of Magic when she spent the whole-time doodling Fleur.
She was unstoppable in Dueling. She fought twelve matches and won every single one of them, further solidifying herself as the Fourth Year Champion. Henri tried to distract her during their match with some cheeky insults and jibes, Clara with some far more mean-spirited digs, particularly aiming at her height now that she knew it was a sensitive topic, but they just bounced off her spirits like an Itching Hex did off her Shield Charm. Lily won that match in her best way yet; she transfigured the ground underneath her into quicksand, sinking her up to his neck, and then let out a very enthusiastic squeal and embarrassed herself fully in front of half her year.
"Don't get what you're so happy about," Clara grumbled as they shook hands. "Anybody could have done that."
"Then why didn't you?" Lily asked.
"Don't be such a sore loser, Clara," Henri said, clapping Lily on the back as her latest victory was added to the scoreboard.
"Yeah," Lily added coolly. "Maybe you should take a look in the mirror sometime, sort out your own issues."
Unfortunately, with that little action, and a glare from Hermione (and an entirely different look from Clara), her ecstatic outlook finally came crumbling down around her.
"I just don't like the way he talks to you, Lily," Hermione said as they left Dueling. "And you really shouldn't string him along like that."
"She's just having a bit of fun, you prude," Clara said, earning an irritated glare from Hermione (and Lily). "No harm in it."
"No harm in it?" Hermione asked, voice indignant. "She. Has. A. Boyfriend."
"So?"
"And he's yours! Why aren't you mad!"
"I don't mind sharing," Clara said, sending a wink at Lily just as soon as Hermione turned away.
"You're dating Henri?" Lily asked, the coolness getting replaced by a deep fury.
"Asked me out before the party, matter of fact," Clara said.
Lily clenched her jaw, holding back on what she wanted to say so Hermione wouldn't hear it, and started walking faster. "I'm going to meet with Fleur."
"You haven't had supper yet!" Hermione called after her. Lily ignored it. She'd sneak by the kitchens later and grab something to eat. And if they wouldn't give her anything, she'd just eat what she had hoarded away in the dorm room. Come to think of it, she should probably nip down there now before it got too late; she didn't want to get in trouble, after all.
She just finished eating when Fleur finally arrived.
"Hello, Lily," she said with a tired smile.
"Hey!" Lily said, moving to lean on the tree before deciding to just stand, instead, with her hands behind her back and leaning forward just a bit to show off her assets. "Are we dancing today?"
"Actually, I thought we'd work on your Transfiguration," Fleur said, drawing her wand.
"I don't need to!" Lily said happily, moving a bit closer to Fleur. "I was brilliant in dueling today, you should have seen it!"
"Lily, we need to-"
She never got to finish that statement, as Lily then launched into a beat-by-beat recap of every single one of her duels, complete with enthusiastic reenactments and far too flamboyant flourishes with her wand. She just couldn't help it; after the first one, she earned a laugh from Fleur, and then she just kept going.
Eventually, Fleur even joined in, helping her in her little show, showing her what both she and her opponents could have done to improve, even having Lily take a turn as those she beat, so she could see how to counter her own moves. That turned into drills, but Lily didn't mind at all. In fact, that was always her favourite part; Fleur would always stand behind her to help her stance and movements, and Lily kept leaning into her to get as much physical contact as possible.
"Now, focus very hard, Lily," Fleur said as they neared the end of their time, her arms around Lily and holding her hands in place. "Keep the image in your mind of exactly what you want to do."
Lily was doing just that, but she was fairly certain it wasn't what Fleur was hinting at. She wiggled her hips slightly back into Fleur and then thought very hard on changing the air to ice. There was a cool air around the both of them, and then the moisture coalesced and hardened into a magnificent sculpture of ice, the two lovers entwined in a close embrace as they danced together. Not her most subtle moment, but Fleur didn't seem to be getting those. She didn't seem to get that, either, if her generic praise and sending Lily back to the dorms was any sign.
"But, Fleur, there was something I wanted to ask before we-"
"Not now, Lily," Fleur said with a long yawn. "We'll dance tomorrow. I promise."
"It wasn't that, it was- err- do you remember- err-"
"Yes?" Fleur asked expectantly. Lily stared at her for a long time, Sirius's orders ringing through her mind. She was so pretty, and Lily was sure she felt the same way, that she just didn't remember trying to kiss her, but with her brain screaming every negative possibility, she couldn't find the words.
"Nothing," she said, backing up to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."
She wasn't sure how much of that she could take before doing something completely stupid. She did end up going for that run, though, if only to thoroughly exhaust herself before returning to the dorm. She didn't want to speak to Hermione, who may notice her heightened energy levels and ask; she just wanted to lay in the bath for an hour and then collapse into bed. She'd get up early and tend to her homework in the morning (maybe).
Hermione was sitting at her desk, and Lily briefly thought it was the same paperwork she'd been doing since receiving her letter. She paused, hand on the door to her bathroom, watching as Hermione formed another very lumpy hat. That was curious. She normally did that while lying in bed.
"What's the knitting for?" she asked, unable to contain herself.
"What?" Hermione asked, not looking up. There was still a bit of tension to her voice, and Lily briefly considered retreating and waiting for another time.
"The knitting," Lily said instead, pointing to it. "You wouldn't tell me before."
"Why do you write with your left hand?"
"What?" Lily asked, blinking slowly.
"Why do you write with your left hand?" Hermione repeated innocently, setting her crocheting down and placing her hands in her lap.
"I- what- because I'm left-handed?"
"No, you aren't," Hermione said. "You always used your right up until last year. Now you use your left to write and- well, everything, really- all except for spellcasting, which you still do with your right."
"Because I'm left handed," Lily repeated firmly.
"And, yet," Hermione said patiently, "you weren't last year. How curious."
"Hermione."
"I can only assume it has something to do with your sessions with Professor Lupin," Hermione said, "because Sae said she didn't see you doing it until after you got that journal from him."
"Hermione, come on, this isn't fair!"
"Well, those are my terms," Hermione said, picking her needles back up. "Solve that little Listery for me, and we'll talk about my knitting."
"Listery?"
"Oh, pay me no mind."
"Hermione," Lily said, putting every ounce of her exhaustion into her voice, "I don't want to talk about this."
"Well, when you do, I'll tell you why I'm knitting."
Lily sighed and entered the bathroom, settling in for a nice, long bath before a nice, long sleep, satisfied that Hermione at least didn't seem angry anymore. There was something else, there, and while she couldn't quite place it, it didn't worry her nearly as much.
Transfiguration, Care, and Ancient Runes went the same way they did on Tuesday, and when Lily reported to her training session with Fleur, the girl had the record player set up to play a slow waltz. She even smiled when Lily's excitement and enthusiasm simply could not be contained, and within seconds of entering the room, the two were entwined and circling around the room. Lily tried very hard not to think about what she desperately wanted to think about, especially since Fleur smelled so nice and was so pretty and whenever she smiled or said anything at all Lily felt like fireworks were going off in her belly.
Mostly, though, she was lost in how soft Fleur was.
"'ello? Lily?"
"Yeah?" Lily asked, surprised she found her voice at all. Fleur was staring at her with a bemused smile, her crystal clear, blue eyes lit up in curiosity.
"I asked if you are ready to take the next step, yet," Fleur said.
"Yes," Lily said far too quickly, her heart hammering in her chest.
Fleur laughed, leaving Lily feeling stupid and happy. "I'm sure you won't have any difficulties finding a boy to practice with. I will miss our practices, though."
Lily blinked.
"Wait, what were you saying?"
"Were you not listening? I was asking if you were ready to practice with a boy, instead, perhaps even get your date settled for the ball."
"Oh," Lily said, her disappointment tremendous. "Actually, I have a boyfriend at Hogwarts."
"Ah!" Fleur said as if she suddenly understood. "Then I suppose you will just have to put up with me, in the meantime. Not too much longer, is it?"
"No," Lily said. "Err- I don't suppose that- that our meetings could keep going, could they?"
"You do not want to dance with this boy of yours?"
"No," Lily said, running her thumb over Fleur's in what she hoped was a stealthy maneuver. "Actually, I was going to break up with him. There's someone else I want to go with, instead."
"Really?"
"Really," Lily said. "So- err- can we keep dancing together?"
"Perhaps, if I can find the time," Fleur said, twirling her on the spot. That wasn't quite what Lily was getting at, but she supposed it was her own fault for being vague. She really wished the mirror wasn't stolen; she desperately needed Sirius's advice on how to ask out a girl.
Merlin, she was trying to ask out a girl.
"Right," Lily said, now very nervous and needing to recover from it. "I guess you'll be busy after you become champion."
"I will try to find time," Fleur said. "I just cannot make any promises. Perhaps you could help me practice some new spells? Then we can learn together."
"I'd love to!" Lily said, her heart beating faster as Fleur dipped her and brought her back, holding both of their bodies close together.
"Then it is settled," Fleur said. "Just remember that I cannot have you holding me back during the tournament. I have every intention of winning, and that means improving as much as I can."
"I won't, I promise."
"Good," Fleur said with a pleased smile, spinning her again. "Have you seen to your dress, yet?"
"My what?"
"Your dress!" Fleur said with a delightful laugh, dipping Lily in time with the music again. "We talked about it last time, no? You'll want to see to it, soon. Have you put any thought into it, yet?"
"I was thinking red," Lily said slyly. "Since it's your favourite colour." Alright, so adding onto it wasn't her brightest idea. She made note to do better.
Fleur gave her a strange look. "You should not base what you wear on what I think, Lily. Wear what makes you look and feel the best."
"I am!"
"Red is a bold choice, for hair like yours," Fleur said, running a hand through it and driving Lily completely crazy. "Perhaps it could work, but you may want to put in for a backup, just in case."
"I can make my hair look like anything I want, Fleur," Lily said, demonstrating it by turning it into an exact copy of the other girl's.
"I forgot!" Fleur said, giving Lily another delightful laugh. "Wear whatever you want, then. Just remember to get it soon. You do not want to wait until very seamstress and tailor is swamped with orders."
"Somebody offered to make me one," Lily said, thinking back on the letter she threw away ages ago.
"Then you should take it," Fleur said, pausing briefly before continuing. "I'll go with you, if you'd like, just to make sure you look your best. I do not know how much I trust your designers; I have seen what you English call fashion. Disgusting."
"I'd like that," Lily said, her mouth going dry.
"Of course, it would be hard to mess it up," Fleur said, preparing to spin her again. "You are already quite pretty. I am sure you would look terrific in anything."
As they dipped again, Lily opened her mouth to just get it over with and ask her out. As they came back up, and Lily stared into Fleur's beautiful eyes, her lips parted just slightly in a teasing smile, Lily had only two words run through her mind.
Fuck it.
Lily closed the very small gap and placed her lips firmly on Fleur's lips, her lion's heart roaring in triumph in her chest, and her arms wrapping tighter around Fleur's back. Fleur's lips were so soft, and Lily pushed in closer, savouring the taste of them. When Fleur kissed back, her hands moving up and entangling themselves in Lily's hair, she felt like she was floating on clouds.
When Fleur suddenly broke it off and pushed her away, she came crumbling back down to reality.
"We can't," Fleur said, sounding horrified at what they'd done.
"Oh," Lily said, frozen in fear.
Then she tore herself away from Fleur's grim face and posture, practically screamed an apology at her in a language the French girl didn't fully understand, snatched her things from near the door, and was bolting it out of the room and down the stone path as fast as she could. She didn't even think about where she was running to; she just knew she needed to get away from her shame.
Unfortunately, she was on a rather small island. The only place she could think of to hide where Fleur wouldn't be able to find her was a little cave under a hill students called the Dragon's Tooth. Double unfortunately, when she arrived, she found Clara there with Henri, in a state of half-undress, which only furthered her very complicated feelings as well as the speed of her legs. This time, she ran even faster back towards the dorms. She supposed that even if Fleur did find her there, she at least wouldn't be able to get in without Lily's express permission.
Triply unfortunately, Fleur was, by some cruel trick of God, inside her dorm when she arrived, having a very terse conversation with an equally cool Hermione.
"Lily!" both girls said, standing immediately upon her entrance.
"No," Lily said, her face still a bright red, immediately slamming the door behind her and running in the opposite direction.
She was out of options, this time. She kept running, her feet carrying her over almost every inch of the island, but she just couldn't find anywhere to be alone. Every classroom she tried, every forlorn little beach, somebody was there. Twice, she even ran into Fleur again, but despite being the prime choice for champion, she was nowhere near as fast as Lily was.
Eventually, she settled for the Quidditch Pitch, staying high above the ground on her Firebolt and running countless numbers of exhaustive, intensive exercises. She could see Fleur watching her from the ground, as well as Hermione (sitting on the complete opposite side of Fleur, of course), but as neither girl was at all comfortable on a broom, neither could reach her. And that was just how she preferred it.
She flew until she was bone tired, and then she kept flying, long after the time where the few other practicing members of the team left her. She flew well after the sunset, well after what felt sensible, lasting up until the final moment she could, when the school's staff were threatening her with detentions if she didn't land this very instant and return to her dorm before curfew.
"I know you are adamant on impressing us, Miss Potter," Madame Maxime said once it required her presence, "and your persistence and dedication are admirable. But I will not have my star Quidditch player exhausting herself so thoroughly that she cannot play in her first match. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Lily said, her brain stuck on the words "Star Quidditch Player."
"Then you will have a good night's rest, and you will keep your training sessions to reasonable hours," Maxime said, leaving her at the doors to the girl's dormitory.
At least there, with the Headmistress's presence, Fleur couldn't get at her. Lily stumbled her way back to her dorm on stiff legs, her broom perched over her shoulder, looking forward to a nice, long soak, and (hopefully) a sleep deep enough to forget about her day's mistakes.
Unfortunately, she never even considered that Fleur would try again, and this time, when she found her leaning on her door, arms crossed in a stern posture, she had no place else to run. It seemed she wasn't the only person with an iron will and unwillingness to surrender.
"There you are!" Fleur said, immediately approaching. "Lily, I must have a word with you."
"I'm a little tired," Lily said, completely refusing to look up or even slightly in her direction.
"It will just be a moment," Fleur said, grabbing her by the arm and hauling her away from safety (and, Lily supposed, the prying eyes who were choosing to stare at Fleur waiting by an underclassman's room).
Fleur dragged Lily down the hall, opening a door and pulling her into a large, empty dorm with only a single bed in the corner. There was a record player that looked suspiciously like the one they used to practice dancing sitting on the desk, there were articles of clothing littered all about the floor (some Lily fought very hard not to stare at), there were posters of French singers and Quidditch players on the walls, and there was a door that, presumably, led to a private bath much like her own.
Lily had no idea how she didn't notice all of this the last time she was in Fleur's room, but finding herself inside of it once more was making her deeply uncomfortable on multiple levels.
"I didn't mean to kiss you," she blurted out before Fleur could even turn to face her. "It's just- I- err- you did it, first, after the party, and I thought you wouldn't mind if- if-"
"You should have told me you were attracted to girls," Fleur said, crossing her arms.
"I'm not!" Lily shrieked, falling back on her old defense as her hands began to tremble.
"Lily, you don't need to be scared," Fleur said, placing a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm not!"
"I just wish I'd known to be careful around you," Fleur said.
"Fleur, really, I'm not- I- I don't feel that way!"
"Lily, really, please calm down," Fleur said, grabbing her by both shoulders instead to keep her from pacing in her hysterics. "I just want to talk to you. Alright?"
"Alright," Lily said, closing her eyes.
"My grandmother is a Veela, Lily," Fleur said, dragging her memories right back to the Quidditch World Cup. "I do not have quite the same effect as a pureblood, but it can still be hard for people to be around me if they aren't prepared."
"I'm sorry I kissed you," Lily said, starting to shake.
"You do not need to worry, Lily," Fleur said, finally pulling her in for a hug. "I kissed you first. It is only understandable that you feel so confused."
"You do remember?" Lily asked as Fleur pulled away.
"I thought it a dream, to be honest," Fleur said, at least sounding embarrassed by it. "I do find you attractive, and if I believed there was the slightest chance of- of us working out, I would pursue it. On that, you can trust me."
"But you don't?" Lily said, her heart dropping.
"No," Fleur said with a sad shake of her head. "I finish school this year, and you still have three left after it."
"I don't mind!"
"Even if you don't, it isn't right," Fleur said, shaking her head again. "Madame Maxime put me in a position of power above you, and I have abused it. For that, I am so, so sorry. I thought I could control myself, that nothing would happen, but it's gone too far. I think it best if we no longer spend so much time together."
"I don't want to," Lily said, stepping forward just so Fleur could push her away.
"I will speak to Maxime," Fleur said, eyes cast on the floor. "You have no need for a further mentorship."
"Fleur, I'm sorry!" Lily said desperately. "It's my fault, really, I- I don't want to stop."
"A relationship between the two of us isn't right, Lily," Fleur insisted. "Perhaps, if you were older, if you didn't have so much time left in school, and if I hadn't stupidly insisted on being your mentor, it would work. As it is, I cannot spend any more time around you. It isn't any fault of yours. It is entirely mine."
"But-"
"Here," Fleur said, turning towards her desk, lifting the record player, and dropping it straight into her arms. "I want you to keep this."
"You made it!" Lily said, finally realizing she'd already completely lost this encounter.
"I did nothing of the sort," Fleur said, waving it off. "I simply summon it from my dorm to the room when I have need of it. I will send for another one."
"But-"
"I have no need for it anymore," Fleur said. "You should keep it. Find another pretty girl to practice dancing with. You deserve that much."
Lily didn't get another word in before leaving Fleur's room, feeling completely dejected and alone. As it turns out, Sirius was wrong: there were worse things than Fleur not remembering or liking their kiss. There was her remembering, liking Lily back, and then completely removing herself from her life. Lily considered tossing the record player out a window as she walked back to her dorm, but instead, she sank against the wall in a lonely corridor, hugged it tight to her chest, and had a good cry to try and make herself feel better.
She was still feeling like complete rubbish when she opened the door to her own dorm, player held precariously in her arms. She froze in place after closing it behind her upon turning around and finding Hermione sitting at her desk, the drawing she made almost a week ago held tightly in her hands, sobbing harder than she'd ever seen the girl do before.
"Hermione?" Lily said, immediately setting the record player down on her mattress and hurrying over to the girl. "What's wrong?"
Whatever Hermione tried to say, it was drowned out by the sound of her cries, hiccups, and sniffs, and Lily couldn't understand a word of it. As soon as she got close, Hermione clung tightly to her, wrapping her arms in a desperate cling. Lily really wasn't sure what to do, never having been on this end of things before, so she just did what she would have wanted to happen and held Hermione while she got it out of her system. She did move the both of them to Hermione's bed, so she didn't have to lean awkwardly, and Hermione seemed to take that as permission to snuggle into her chest and force her to lay on her back, holding the still-sobbing girl, her drawing falling to the side forgotten.
"I'm s-sorry," Hermione said, only hugging harder as she finally began to calm down.
Lily almost cracked a joke and then decided now was definitely not the time.
"For what?" she asked, brushing a hand through Hermione's thick hair.
"I've b-been so a-awful to you," Hermione said with a sniff. "And you w-were just t-trying to- to be n-nice and I-" Hermione hiccupped again. "And I n-never even told you wh-what happened."
"I just assumed it was something I'd done, to be honest," Lily said. "Do you- err- do you want to talk about it?" She wouldn't, but she hardly knew how to be human at all.
Hermione sniffed and pulled tighter again, and Lily took that as "I need a moment, please."
"You were right about the hand thing," Lily said, holding her left one up just to demonstrate. She saw Hermione's eyes following it, although she didn't understand. "I am left-handed, but I wasn't using it before last year."
"Why?" Hermione asked, sniffing again.
Lily took a deep breath. "Remember the Dursleys?"
"The p-people you used to l-live with?"
"Well, people is a bit inaccurate," Lily said, still staring at her own hand. "I know that you know they were terrible to me, and I- I know I don't like to talk much about them, but- well-"
"It's okay, Lily," Hermione said. "You don't h-have to tell me."
"I should, though," Lily said. "Lupin says opening up about it will help me heal, so- so- err- I don't use my left hand because, when I was six or seven or some really young age, my Aunt Petunia held it down to a burner, because I was using it do my maths, and she hated that because my mum was right handed, and if I wasn't going to have the decency to not look like her, then I had to be exactly the same."
"Lily-"
"There's more, but- but we can talk about it later, I promise. It's hard for me, but I'll try."
"Lily, I'm so sorry."
"So, there," Lily said, finally setting her hand down. "Now you know. So- so why don't you tell me what's bothering you?"
They fell back into silence, the two girls just holding each other, the only sound the ticking of their clock high on the wall. Lily was content to let it stay that way, if that was what Hermione wanted, and she would have spent the entire night on Hermione's bed if that was what she needed.
"My grandparents died," Hermione said quietly, squeezing Lily tighter.
"Oh," Lily said, suddenly feeling like her silly girl troubles hardly mattered at all. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want to bother you."
"Hermione, why would it bother me?"
"Because you have so much worse to worry about!" Hermione said. "And, I- I don't know. It made sense at the time. I'm sorry."
"How did it happen?"
"Car accident," Hermione said, sniffing again. "They- they were driving to visit my parents, see, and- and-"
"It's alright," Lily said once Hermione's voice trailed off. "Why did the Weasleys tell you?"
"What?" Hermione asked. "They didn't, it was- oh! Err- well, that's what I was so mad about, actually."
"So it wasn't aboutme? Because, I'll admit, I was worried for a bit, there."
"No," Hermione said, glancing over at her desk. Lily got the impression she wanted to go to it, perhaps to show her something, but instead she laid her head back down on Lily's shoulder.
"Well?" Lily asked expectantly.
"I shouldn't," Hermione said with a sigh. "It doesn't concern you, and I know it's just going to make you mad."
"I thought you said it wasn't me?"
"It's not," Hermione said, "it's everybody else, and- well- Lily, you have a tendency to do something stupid when you're angry, and you're on thin ice with Maxime as it is, even if she does want you to be the next champion."
"Hermione, just tell me."
"Alright," Hermione said quietly, after another long pause. "Well- it's- err- it's what I've been working on, actually."
"Hermione-"
"I know, it's just- if I can keep you from being- well, you- then I will."
"Hermione, you're stalling."
"Right, well- I- my parents wrote to tell me, to see if I could get the time off to attend the funeral. They used the Weasleys because, without me, they can't get access to Diagon Alley or the Ministry or anywhere they could use to borrow an owl or send a message, and we- we only own one owl, and I wasn't going to write again for a bit, so- so-"
"They couldn't use the Visitor's Entrance?"
Hermione shook her head. "They couldn't even enter to drop me off. Muggles aren't allowed inside the Ministry unless they're summoned, so I had to go alone."
"That's-"
"Lily, I know it's terrible, but I have a lot more to go over, and you're only going to get angrier, so please wait."
"Fine."
"They had to make an entire day of it, just so they could drive down to bloody Surrey and send me an owl," Hermione said, her tone losing its own cool despite her warnings. "They couldn't even find the house, either, they just parked where they remembered it being and then walked through the woods until they finally came out onto the property."
"Wait, they couldn't find it? But they've been there!"
"They still can't see it, Lily. They can't see the Leaky Cauldron or the Visitor's Entrance, either, and because of the Anti-Muggle charms the Ministry has on them, they can't even remember the section of city they're in, they get distracted and start thinking about other things as soon as they try. So, even if they wanted to walk around the street, asking strangers until they finally found a wizard willing to let them in, they couldn't unless they wanted to spend weeks staking out all of bloody London. And they couldn't do that if they wanted me to make the funeral."
"Wait, is that where you were?" Lily asked. "You were missing all of Thursday, weren't you?"
"No," Hermione said, her nostrils flaring and finally rising from her comfortable spot in Lily's shoulder. "I didn't get to go."
"What?" Lily asked, missing the physical contact as Hermione rose and went to her desk. Hermione grabbed a letter from near the bottom of her paper stack and then tossed it over at Lily.
"Give it a read," Hermione said as Lily did just that. "Maxime gave it to me during Dueling. Couldn't believe what I was seeing."
Dear Miss Granger,
It is with unfortunate regret that I must inform you that your request has been denied. The attendance of a funeral for Muggles is not under the Ministry's permitted excuses for unattendance of your education. Please understand that the growth of our young magical minds is of the utmost importance; only for true emergencies can permission be given for an unrecognized break.
Sincerest Apologies,
Dolores Umbridge
Senior Undersecretary to the Minister for Magic
Head of the Department of Magical Education and Regulation
"This doesn't make any sense," Lily said as she finished it. "The Ministry wouldn't let you?"
"Neither would the Governors," Hermione said, her face twisting into a nasty sneer. "Any pureblood witch or wizard, they would have had a portkey back the same day, and they would have had a week off. But me? A filthy little mudblood? I didn't even get the day. I got to stay here, because a couple of Muggles dying doesn't really matter, does it? Why should I care that they were family, why would I even want to go? It's not like they can do magic."
"Hermione, I don't think that's what they were-"
"Of course it is, Lily," Hermione said. "Do you honestly think Draco Malfoy wouldn't get to go? Pansy Parkinson? Ron? Neville?"
"Why didn't Maxime do anything?"
"What was she supposed to do, Lily? She has bosses, too. She tried, but they don't give a damn about a poor little Muggleborn girl. Just like they don't care about house elves, or centaur, or anything but themselves because they're so superior."
"So, that's what you were working on?" Lily asked, gesturing to the desk. "Convincing them to let you go?"
"I already failed at that, Lily," Hermione said coldly. "The funeral was Thursday, and I didn't get to go. That's why I was missing. I spent the whole day crying in the bathroom, feeling sick and disgusted with myself, because I'm not important enough to get to say goodbye to people I loved and who loved me."
"I'm sorry, Hermione," Lily said. "I should have done something."
"How could you, Lily?" Hermione said with a sigh, her shoulders sagging. "I didn't tell you what was happening, I was- I was just trying to get past it all. I thought that- that if I stayed busy, I wouldn't have to think about it. I thought I was over it, until I saw your drawing, and- I don't know. I just lost it."
"Do you want to talk about it some more?"
"No," Hermione said, taking a deep breath. "Honestly, Lily. I feel much better now. Just think I needed- I needed this. Don't feel bad about it."
"I'm still sorry," Lily said, reading over the letter again, wanting to see the same hatred that Hermione did. "What were you working on, then?"
"Spew," Hermione said, rummaging through her desk until she found a rattling tin.
"What?'
"Spew," Hermione said again, tossing Lily a little, silver badge.
"What's spew?" Lily asked.
"Don't say it like that. It's S.P.E.W."
"I- that's what I said, isn't it?"
"It was Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare," Hermione said, ignoring her entirely. "I founded it after Crouch refused to listen to me about Winky."
"What is it now, then?"
"Society for the Procurement of Equality and Welfare," Hermione said, wringing her hands together. "I- err- it's a bit awkward, I know, but I already made the badges, see, and I- I was just trying to figure out how to distribute them, but, I- I thought you'd make fun of me."
Lily held the badge up to the light. It was shaped like a shield, the letters S.P.E.W. proudly displayed over what Lily thought was supposed to be a sun. She tapped it with her wand, changing the colours of the celestial body to gold and moving the (now bronze) letters to the four corners. Broken, iron chains, the severed links lined with leaves and ivy, connected each of the letters, surrounding their hopeful dawn with a spirit of freedom, underneath it all the clear, blue sky of their future.
Or, at least, that was the quick rubbish Lily came up with to explain it all.
"What was that?" Hermione asked, mouth hanging open.
"Your graphic design needed a bit of work," Lily said with a shrug. "So, what do we do, then?"
"You don't hate it?"
"Course not."
"You- you're not going to make fun of me for choosing such a silly name?"
"Never," Lily said, proudly pinning the badge to her chest. "So, what do we do?"
"What?" Hermione asked, still staring at the badge on the opposite side of Lily's school crest.
"What are we doing?" Lily repeated. "You want to make things better for Muggleborns, yeah? How are we doing that?"
"Better for everybody, actually," Hermione said, a smile threatening to appear on her face, her eyes still locked onto Lily's badge.
"And what are we doing?"
"Well, for the elves, I was making the hats," Hermione said, dragging her eyes away and grabbing one from the stack of finished "clothing." "I know it's not right, but if nobody else will do anything about the actual slavery wizards are committing, I thought I could at least free the Hogwarts elves."
"By making hats?"
"I was going to hide them around the castle, so that they'd find them while cleaning!"
"Hermione, they do our laundry. I don't think that'd free them."
"I know," Hermione said with a sigh. "But I need to do something."
"We'll talk to Dumbledore," Lily said, dreading having to be the one to do it. "I'll write him, set up a meeting for our first week back."
"What?"
"We can give the hats to him," Lily explained. "Elves are allowed clothes so long as it's their uniforms, right?"
"Right," Hermione said, sounding hopeful, "but all they're given are those dreadful sacks!"
"Exactly," Lily said. "We give them to Dumbledore, and he'll make the elves wear them as their new uniforms."
"And what does that do, exactly?"
"It gets them used to clothes," Lily said. "Elves hate the idea of getting any, right?"
"Right."
"But they only hate it because it's the worst punishment they can get," Lily said. "Nobody wants to be a free elf because nobody will let them work, which means they'll starve and die. They have to be slaves, and they have to deny clothes, because it's the only thing keeping them alive. It's ingrained in their culture at this point."
"You were listening!" Hermione said, that smile finally appearing for the first time in days.
"I listen to everything you say, Hermione," Lily said. "I love hearing you talk. I just don't always respond. Merlin, sometimes you run out of the room to go get some more books without giving me a chance to."
Hermione beamed, as if she was just a little girl receiving the puppy she'd always wanted for Christmas.
"So," Lily said, that smile spreading to her own face. "That's our elf plan, for now. What about the Muggleborns?"
"Right," Hermione said, rummaging through her desk again. "Well, that- that's what I've been spending all my time doing, lately, I only just got back to knitting as a little break. I'm going through court cases and legal arguments, both for Britain and France, to build a timeline and history of anti-Muggle and Muggleborn prejudice and legislation."
"And how much have you found?"
"Far too much," Hermione said with an angry sigh. "Honestly, I think I'll be spending most of this year processing it all."
"Well, let's just start with the worst of what you have," Lily said, rummaging through a few of her notes herself. "I'll help you do it, after this weekend."
"Really?"
Lily nodded, skimming through a rather lengthy and bloviated legal case. "Just have to get through my homework, first. Been putting it off too long."
"And then what?"
"We'll make a pamphlet," Lily said, "distribute it when we get back to Hogwarts, along with as many badges as we can make. The hats should be our priority, though; Dumbledore will help us immediately, he owes me that much, whereas getting the pigheads to listen to us for more than a second will take a lot more effort."
"I don't know if I can fit everything into a pamphlet," Hermione said, eyeing her stacks of paper nervously.
"Stick to the biggest things," Lily said. "Make a list of priorities, we'll go over it together. The other Muggleborn students will join, and I'm sure their pureblood and halfblood friends will, too. Keep the elves and centaurs out for now. It'll be easier to get others if we make it seem small, at first. We'll hit them with the rest, later."
Hermione was smiling and staring at her strangely again.
"You'll really help me?" Hermione asked, still sounding as if in disbelief.
"What did I put the badge on for?"
"You want to?"
"I'm with you until the end, Hermione."
"Do you want to be Treasurer?" Hermione said, the uncertainty changing to complete and utter rapture.
"I'd love to," Lily said, holding up her fingers. "On two conditions."
"What?" Hermione said, that smile never once leaving her face.
"First," Lily said with a smile of her own, "I want you to go to a party with me next weekend."
"What?" Hermione said, this time with a disbelieving laugh. "Are you having me on?"
"No," Lily said happily. "I've lost my date, and I want you to go with me instead."
"What? Why me?"
"Because you're the only person who knows I'm a Metamorphmagus," Lily said. "And, for reasons I will explain in the future, but am too embarrassed to explain right now, I need to go as someone else."
"But why not ask anybody else?" Hermione asked. "I mean, I'm- I'm just-"
"My favourite person to be around," Lily finished for her. "Plus, you could use the break. Come on, Hermione, it'll be fun!"
"Alright," Hermione said after a pause, clearly fighting hard to hide her smile. "What's the second condition?"
"You have to tell me what a Listery is," Lily said, crossing her arms. "I held up my end of the bargain, didn't I?"
"I suppose so," Hermione said, losing her battle. "Alright. But you have to help me make more hats, too, or I'll never be done before we get to Hogwarts."
"Blimey, Hermione, I'll model them for you, if that's what you want."
"I'm being serious, Lily!"
"So am I."
"Lily."
"Sometimes, I put them on and wear them around when you're out of the dorm."
"Wait, really?"
"Really."
"You'll help me, then? You can keep wearing them!"
"You have a deal, but you'll have to show me how. Not much for knitting."
"You live with Mrs. Weasley!"
"Lived. And that doesn't mean anything. Ginny doesn't know how, either, now does she?"
"Point."
"So," Lily said, picking up the tin to change the rest of the badges to match her own. "What's this about a Listery?"
"Oh, it's nothing," Hermione said, still staring at her with that wonderful, loving expression before finally picking up her crocheting needles to get back to work. "Just something Sae and I came up with."
"I don't get it."
"Well, it's just- you do a lot of mysterious things, see?"
"No."
"Lily. Mystery. Listery. Get it?"
Lily laughed loudly and until she was nearly out of breath. "Blimey, that's terrible."
"We knew you'd say that," Hermione said, blushing. "That's why we never told you."
"I mean, really," Lily said, still laughing. "Mystelily was right there."
"I don't see how that's much better."
"Mysteriouslily?"
"Far too long."
"Myslily?"
"Now you sound like you have a lisp."
"I'll work on it."