Newt's Miracle

Physical touch: it could mean many things.

It could be a painful slap in the face, or it could be a soft kiss on the cheek. It could be a wanted touch, or it could be an unwanted touch. It could be a physical touch, or it could be a touch that caressed or broke the soul. Some people hated physical touch, while some people needed it. They craved it. Sometimes, physical touch was hard for people to perform, while for others, it was as natural as breathing. Physical touch meant different things. One physical touch… could mean a hundred different things.

A friendly hug. The last hug.

The unemotional kiss. The emotional kiss.

An angry punch. The pitiful punch.

Cuddling in bed with your partner. Cuddling in bed with… your friend.

"Oh, bloody hell…" Newt huffed to himself. "What have you done, Newt?"

Newt had awoken to the sun peeking through the wooden hut and gently hitting his face. Beneath him, Newt hadn't felt the hardness of the ground or the coldness of the morning air; instead, he felt softness and the warmth of cozy blankets. Furthermore, upon feeling those hot rays of sunshine, Newt turned his body and nestled more into the bed. For a few moments, the boy simply slept in that position, not knowing what had laid before him. Or, well, until the sun rose at the perfect angle to shine directly on Newt's closed eyes. The light had made him unable to sleep and slowly, lethargically open up his eyes.

But again, Newt didn't know what he would find once he opened up those eyes of his. He didn't know what his dark-brown irises would see right… there. Right in front of him. So very close to him. First, Newt had muttered that sentence, not knowing what else to do. Then, once every ounce of sleep had left him, Newt finally remembered why he was in Hope's bed. He remembered… last night.

"You deserve… a bed, so… since you can't hang a hammock here, then… you can… sleep on… here."

…Thump.

"But I'm not scared of you, Newt, because you're… a good person."

…Thump.

"You're kind. Understanding. Smart."

…Thump.

"You're someone that… I cherish."

Newt's uneasiness vanished when he heard Hope's words in his head. He heard her angelic voice, filled with compassion and joy. He saw her sleeping face, filled with peace and innocence. As Newt stared at Hope's sleeping face, the sunlight seemed to sparkle against her skin. Hope had a round face with puffy cheeks, a smaller nose, long eyelashes, plump lips, and even… a little brown mole on the left side of those same lips. At that moment, Newt saw it all. And he… However long he looked, Newt couldn't find… a single thing he disliked. Every single inch of Hope, Newt liked.

"Am I insane…?" he whispered to himself. "Am I insane for liking you this much?"

Secretly… Mysteriously… Bashfully…

Secretly, Newt wanted to reach out to her.

Mysteriously, Newt wanted to reach out to her.

Bashfully, Newt wanted to reach out to her.

He wanted… to stay in that moment forever.

It was the most at peace that Newt had felt in a long time.

"I may say mean things, but…

"You know I don't mean them.

"Don't leave me, Hope.

"P-Please…

"DON'T LEAVE ME!"

Hope snapped open her eyes, and when she saw a hand coming toward her face, she immediately flinched away.

"N-No…!" she screeched, falling out of bed and backing up against the wall. Hope even covered her face with her arms, tears lining her eyes. "N-No, please, I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry! I-I won't do it again!"

It happened again.

Neither of them wanted it to, but it did.

Sadly, Newt couldn't save Hope every time.

Sometimes, he'd have to lose.

"Hope…?"

And sometimes, Hope would have to lose too.

"N-Newt…?" Hope stuttered after hearing his voice say her name. She dropped her arms, widened her eyes, and shakily lifted her head. However, when she saw the utter pain in Newt's eyes, all of Hope's fear from before… turned into shame. "O-Oh my gosh, Newt, I didn't mean to-"

"I, uh… I gotta go," Newt said, quickly getting out of bed and standing up. "Sorry, Hope. I… I won't do that ever again."

"W-Wait, Newt, I didn't…!" But he left Hope's room before she could stop him, leaving her to stand there completely alone. Once more, Hope hit her back against the wall and slid down it, covering her face with her hands. "Idiot! You're an idiot, Hope!"

"Mmm…" Beside her, Hope felt Hugo nuzzle into her side. The dog wanted to comfort her, but it wouldn't work. It couldn't work. After what had happened, Hope felt like she didn't deserve to be comforted. She couldn't get Newt's miserable-looking face out of her head.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Newt cursed himself as he walked. And as he walked, he kept hitting his head with his hands. Hard. "You're such a stupid slinthhead, Newt! Why would you do that?!"

The sun had been covered by some clouds, so no more rays of sunlight beamed down onto Newt. A dull color seeped across the Glade, making all of the greenery to lessen in vibrancy. It was almost like the sky was mocking him. Newt had grown quite fond of Hope, and now that he had caused her to make that expression twice, he didn't know how to handle it. To him, he felt like he had chosen his own feelings over Hope's. He knew that Hope was scared of hands moving toward her face, yet he did it. He kept doing it. Newt thought that, if Hope didn't see his hand coming (like those times in the Infirmary when she got stitches or was sleeping), that he could touch her like that.

But Newt was careless. He had gotten too… close. Deep down, Newt knew why he touched Hope. That unfamiliar feeling of his was the answer. Still, Newt wouldn't admit it. He couldn't, especially after what had just happened.

"Hey, Newt!" Just then, Newt heard his name being called by a familiar voice. The voice made him stop in his tracks, even stopping him from mentally and physically hurting himself. And there was only one person in the entire Glade… who could do that. "Newt, man, what're you doing up so early?"

"I'm…" Newt mumbled without looking up. The person was now standing at his side, but Newt couldn't look him in the eye. "I'm just, uhm… Getting an early start."

"In the Infirmary?" the older boy asked, which indicated that he had seen Newt exit said building. "Are you hurt or something?"

"No. No, it's… not that."

"Then… what is it?"

"It's nothing."

"It doesn't seem like 'nothing.'"

"It's nothing, Minho." Newt spat out the name. He was clenching his hands into fists, and his teeth were grinding against each other. "I'm fine. Just let me do what I need to do."

"I'll help you with it," Minho said with a shrug. "Whatever it is, I can-"

"I can do things on my own," Newt argued while a breeze tousled his hair. "I'm not a bloody child."

"No one said you were, Newt," Minho argued right back. "C'mon, dude. What's wrong? If you're hurt, I can tell Alby and get you the day off. In secret, of course."

Newt's clenched hands started shaking. "I'm fine, Minho."

"And I'm not stupid. Newt, something obviously happened."

"Nothing happened."

"Then why are you so angry?"

"I'm not angry."

"You're shaking, Newt. Did someone say something?"

"No."

"Did someone do something?"

"No."

"Newt, please. I just wanna help. I'm not trying to embarrass you or-"

"Yeah, well, I'm not the one who should be helped!" Newt had finally snapped: he snapped his head toward Minho, showing his best friend an angry yet sad glare. "Choose someone else to 'help', Minho! I don't want it! I don't need it! I'm perfectly fine not being helped, and I just wanna be left alone! Okay?! So just leave me and go help someone else!"

"Why're you helping me?"

…

"Just leave me."

…

"I don't… want to be saved."

Minho stood there, while Newt glared at him. And even when Newt walked away, Minho still stood there. He had heard Newt's words in his head - the words that Newt had once spoken to him long ago - and became glued to that spot. Minho, every once and while, would hear those words from that day. He would see Newt's hopeless eyes, his monotonous voice, and the way he barely clung onto Minho's body. He swore that he'd never let Newt say those words again, but…

Someone had made Newt say them.

And Minho…

Oh, Minho wanted to kill them.

Hope didn't see Newt for the rest of that morning. At Breakfast, Hope served every person except for Newt; and when she ate with Chuck, she couldn't find him anywhere. Then, at Lunch, Hope served every person except for Newt; and when she ate with Chuck, she still couldn't find him anywhere. Hope looked at every single Glader, yet couldn't find the single Glader she was searching for. It made her feel worse than she already did. Hope was worried. She felt anxious. Uneasiness flooded through her veins.

I'm such an idiot, Hope thought throughout that entire morning. I'm a horrible idiot.

She wasn't even hungry, so Hope said her early goodbyes to Chuck and went back into the Kitchen. As she washed her dish, Hope's only thoughts were Newt. She was so depressed that… Hope did something that she hadn't managed to do in weeks.

"Hey, Hope."

"Hey, Minho," she said without even jumping or yelping. "You're back early."

"And you didn't freak-out," Minho acknowledged as he leaned against the Kitchen's door. "That's unusual for you, isn't it?"

"I guess…" Hope muttered, making Minho sigh while he crossed his arms over his chest.

"And I guess that I'm right about you and Newt. Something happened, didn't it?"

"Are you angry with me?"

"No."

"Why? You should be."

"You're not the type of person to hurt someone on purpose," Minho remarked without a single doubt in his mind. "Though, you are the type of person to blame it all on yourself. That's Newt's thing, too."

"I know," Hope breathed. She dropped the plate and dropped her hands to her sides, feeling that same dread wash over her again. "Newt is someone that… puts others before himself. He's selfless. And kind. And an amazing person that I… I made sad."

"What happened?" Minho asked softly. "What happened between you two, Hope?"

For a few moments, Hope thought over her next move. Her next words. She thought of what she could say, and what would make the most sense. Hope knew that her life wasn't coherent or normal, she knew that it was confusing and dark. Whatever had happened before the Maze, was something that scared Hope. A part of her wanted to know the answer to the mystery, while another part of her… screamed at her not to know. To just leave it in the past. That, maybe, knowing would be worse than not knowing.

But… Hope wouldn't drag Newt into that world. Or Minho. Or anyone in the Glade.

"…I pushed Newt away," Hope ultimately said. "I pushed him away, and I hurt him because of it. I don't know how to handle my emotions, so instead of accepting them, I push them away. I discard them. I don't wanna be a burden. I don't wanna burden anyone with my problems. I'm messy. I'm strange. I'm hopeless. So, even if I didn't mean to, I think I feel better now that Newt won't see me. Maybe I was right that… I don't deserve to be saved. That I deserve… to be alone."

"Minho… I don't deserve this…"

Once more, Minho heard Newt's voice.

"I don't want you to carry me."

He heard Newt's pleas.

"You don't deserve this."

He heard… Newt's pain.

"I shouldn't be saved."

So Minho turned around and walked away.

And, in response, Hope smiled in content.

Minho climbed up the ladder, causing the wooden structure to groan against his weight. It wouldn't break due to Gally's expertise, but it would still groan. It would still hurt. The Watchtower had been there for years by then, and Minho remembered when it was first built. He recalled how proud Gally was of it. And, most of all, he remembered the look on Newt's the first time he stood at the top. Minho had been standing beside him, making sure that Newt wouldn't give in. Give up. However, when Minho saw Newt smile down at the Glade and see all the work that they had accomplished, Minho knew that Newt wouldn't give up. He would stand strong despite the pain. But now, once Minho got to the top, he found Newt sitting. He saw the blond-headed boy frowning as he stared down at the Glade. Newt didn't even acknowledge Minho's entrance. He knew that Minho would find him eventually. So, as Minho sat beside him, Newt said what he had been waiting to say.

"Give it to somebody else," he uttered the moment Minho handed him a plate of food. "I'm not hungry."

"You sound like me," Minho grumbled, prompting Newt to huff.

"We've seen each other every day for the past three years. It was bound to happen."

"But I haven't seen you this bad since the first year," Minho acknowledged, but Newt didn't even respond. He simply kept staring out at the Glade. Minho sighed, set the plate down, and rested his arm against his knee. "Newt… I know what happened…"

"I know," Newt said. "I saw you go into the Kitchen."

"Do you know what she said to me?"

"I could take a guess."

"No, seriously. Do you know what she said to me?"

Upon hearing that, Newt's eyes finally found Minho's. For a few seconds, Newt stared into his best friend's eyes, analyzing them. Then, he looked away again. "Did she blame herself?"

"It was like I was hearing you talk, Newt," Minho clarified in a low, serious tone. "Do you even know how alike you two are? I mean, after all these years, I think that I've come to understand you pretty well. But her… I think without even knowing you that well that that girl could understand you. You two are-"

"We're bad for each other," Newt interjected with his own serious tone. "We're just… too alike."

"Are you saying that because you believe it or… are you saying it to push her away?" Minho inquired, causing Newt unable to respond. But seeing Newt's response gave Minho all the answers he needed. "Newt, you're both way too selfless."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"It's a good thing for others, but… not so much for yourselves."

"Look, Minho, I don't want you trying to solve anything," Newt growled while pointing a glare at the boy beside him. "I want you to stay out of it and bloody leave me-"

"I know you don't want me to leave as much as you don't wanna leave Hope." It was Minho's turn to interject, but this one made something jab at Newt's heart. His body stiffened, and that unfamiliar feeling in his heart… threatened to escape once more. "I get it, Newt. Neither of you wanna lean on anyone or any of that mushy crap, but I also know that you need it. And that, secretly, you do want it. Now, you have two choices. You can either cry yourself to sleep every night, wishing that it could go back to the way it once was. Or, you can finally open yourself up to someone who actually understands your pain. And, if you chose the latter," Minho smiled, "you get to be with Hope."

Newt's eyes widened upon hearing that final sentence. He remembered just that morning, and last night, when he yearned to be closer to Hope. When he wanted to finally close the distance between them and become something more. Hope had become someone important to Newt, and he didn't even know when that had happened. Was the second night when she remembered her name? Was it when she told him how amazing he was? Was it when she told him how important his life was? Was it when he touched her cheek for the first time? Was it when her eyes stared into his and only his? Was it when she smiled or laughed or even jumped when anyone talked to her? Or was it just Hope herself that made Newt so infatuated with her?

But… But that infatuation was why that morning hurt him so much. Newt couldn't get Hope's petrified, mortified, traumatized expression out of his head. He had caused her to look that way, so he couldn't seem to forgive himself for it. Newt had chosen his feelings over Hope's, and that was something that he had never done to anyone else.

"Hey, Newt!"

In his head, Newt heard Hope call his name.

"Newt!"

And he felt how amazing it made him feel.

"Newt…"

He felt how warm his heart felt.

"Thank you, Newt."

He felt that unfamiliar feeling…

"Newt, you've made me so happy."

Escape.

"I… I cherish you."

Newt wanted to touch her.

He wanted to see her and to talk to her.

He wanted to make her smile again.

At that moment, Newt realized that he'd do anything for Hope.

Anything, if it meant Hope talking to him or smiling at him.

Newt wanted Hope to comfort him and tell him amazing things.

But… But did he deserve that?

"Newt…" Almost like he was reading Newt's mind, Minho spoke up at the perfect time. "Hope is the type of girl… that would accept you for anything. And would even be… happy that you did. She wouldn't judge a single thing about you, Newt. But if you really want to be with her, then you need to open yourself up to her. She can't be the only one. And again, if you do open yourself up to her, I bet you a million of Fry's bacon that she'll accept every inch of you. Newt, it'll make her happy… to have you back in her life. The true you."

Newt smiled. It was a little sad, but it was a smile nevertheless. "Thank you, Minho. You've saved me yet again."

"Just stop throwing yourself away, Newt," was all Minho could say. "I know that it'd make me, Hope, and many others here very, very angry."

"Pffft," Newt snorted. "I'll try my best."

Newt was ready.

By Dinner, Hope still hadn't seen Newt. She wondered if he had eaten yet, and the thought made her worry if he hadn't. But still, after the conversation she'd had with Minho, Hope started to accept that Newt shouldn't have been on her mind. She had hurt him, and to Hope, that meant that even thinking about Newt was wrong. More so, despite what had happened, there was still a part of Hope that found comfort in Newt's memory; that found comfort in simply imagining his face or remembering his voice. Hence, thinking about Newt was even more of a sin for Hope. She didn't deserve his comfort. His kindness. She had thrown it all away.

Hope felt like a terrible person, more than she usually did.

"I was right…" Hope murmured to herself as she sat by the fire. "I am just a burden."

"…Wait. Is that… Newt!" But when Hope heard Chuck yell this from beside her, her body went completely numb. "Hey, buddy! I haven't seen you all day! Where have you-?"

"Sorry, Chuck, I can't talk right now," Newt said, suddenly blocking Hope's view of the fire. "I need her."

"W-Woah…!" Hope let out a yelp of surprise after Newt had unexpectedly grabbed her wrist and pulled her up. Likewise, she whipped her head up to see… an actual fire in Newt's eyes. It wasn't even the fire being reflected, either, it was just Newt's natural eyes. Hope had never… seen him that serious before. "N-Newt…? What's wrong?"

"C'mere," was Newt's only response. He then started pulling on Hope's hand and walking her away from the bonfire. There were some Gladers giving them weird looks, but neither of the duo noticed them. They were too focused on each other. Newt's hand was tight around her arm, which was all that Hope could focus on. She never thought that… she'd feel this hand again. Hope looked up and away from Newt's hand, now staring at his slim yet muscular back. And although the sun had almost set, which meant that the Glade was quite dark, Hope could see Newt through the darkness. He was almost like… her light.

But then, Newt stopped in his tracks. He didn't turn around to face Hope, and he didn't talk to her, yet he didn't need to. Not right then, anyway. Since, just because of the setting, Hope understood that Newt needed his time. In front of Newt, was the wall of names. They climbed up the tall, stone wall, levitating around Newt's figure. All those names of the dead… were standing before Newt. Waiting. Watching. Wondering what he was about to say.

Hope felt Newt's hand tighten around her, and she couldn't stop herself from returning the gesture. This boy… This boy that was standing in front of her… was so precious to Hope. Even if she didn't deserve his kindness, or she felt guilty every time he was kind to her, she would never reject it. And that was why that morning hurt so much: without meaning to, Hope had rejected Newt. So no, Hope wouldn't reject Newt again. She couldn't bear to see him in that much pain again.

So Hope waited for Newt.

She waited and held his hand… for support.

"Hope…" Newt eventually spoke her name. "Can I tell you another story?"

"A… story?" Hope tilted her head, prompting Newt to nod.

"Yeah. Like the other night when I told you about Fry and Gally. I wanna tell you another one, but… this one's more… is more about me."

Hope's eyes widened. "You wanna… tell me about you? Are you sure?"

"I didn't realize it until today, but I've been wanting to tell you this story for a long time now," Newt explained. "Maybe ever since… the first day you got here when… you fell into my arms. The first time I ever held you, or the first time I saw you sleep. I felt your body, saw your peaceful face, and I think - at that moment - I realized that I could tell you anything. I didn't know you, but I still knew. I knew… that you'd understand my feelings."

"N-Newt…" Hope stuttered as she felt an intense emotion wash over her. The way he was talking, and the way his voice was cracking, Hope could tell that… this wasn't going to be a happy story. "Newt, I will accept you. I will accept you for anything you say to me. Just like you once said to me, our friendship won't change regardless of what you say to me. I will… still cherish you… as much as I do now."

Newt didn't need to ask anything more, nor did he need to hesitate. He felt Hope's hand around his, and he knew for certain that she wouldn't reject him. This was a story that Newt had kept hidden for so many years. A story that he and Minho promised would never be told. However, Hope had confessed her pain. Her pain that she promised herself that nobody would ever know about. So Newt felt obligated to tell Hope of his own pain. His own big secret. Though, Newt wasn't only telling Hope for this 'obligation' of his. No, Newt's other reason for telling Hope, was because… he truly wanted to tell her.

That unknown, mysterious feeling in his heart… was the feeling of selfish want. Newt's want… for Hope… to be even closer to him.

"A long time ago, just like all the other guys, I was sent up into the Maze," Newt started, his voice breaking occasionally as he spoke. "I was scared. And confused. And I didn't know anything, not even my name. Still, I felt like something was missing. I felt this… emptiness. I didn't lash-out or get angry, so I didn't spend that long on the pit. But even when I left that dirt hole, that emptiness never left. I-I couldn't handle that, Hope. I couldn't take it. I tried to, but… I was too weak."

Hope watched Newt's shoulders rise and fall as he took a deep breath. But the breath she heard was shaky, uneven. Exactly like Newt's every word he spoke next. "S-So, one morning, I… I got up early, and I… snuck out into the Maze. I found… I-I found the… tallest wall I could, and I… I climbed up there." Hope's heart stopped. "And I jumped off it."

Hope dropped her hand from Newt's, unable to comprehend what he had just told her. She even took a step back and found herself incapable of breathing. The one reaction that Hope couldn't bear to think of… Anger, confusion, disgust, sadness, fear were all horrible, but not this. Not this reaction that combined all those emotions into one. And, worst of all, this unthinkable reaction had happened to Newt. He had felt so hopeless that… he had… he had tried to…

"…O-Of course, I got completely tangled up in the ivy," Newt eventually spoke up again after hearing Hope's silent reaction. He had tried to play off his negative emotions by smiling, but the fact that she had moved her hand away from his and wasn't speaking, made Newt petrified. "Snapped my leg in three different places, just like a proper shank. I landed hard on the floor, and I… I thought that was it. Though, Minho being Minho, ran in and saved the day for me. Seriously," Newt turned around to show Hope a sad smile, "if it wasn't for that shank, I'd be dead. I'd just be another name on this wall. I wouldn't even have met-"

Whistle! The air made a whistling sound that was caused by a powerful gush of wind. Thump! But, at the same time that that wind danced, was the same moment that Hope and Newt's bodies… collided for the first time. Hope threw herself at Newt, not being able to hear another second of his self-deprecating speech. She wrapped her arms around Newt's neck, flushing his body against hers. In response, Newt could only stand there in utter shock.

"I-I… I don't want you to be another name on that wall," Hope cried into Newt's ear. "I want you here with me and the others. I-I want you to be alive! I want you to be happy, and I wanna spend more time with you! I-I'm… I'm so happy that you're alive, Newt!" Once those words left Hope's mouth, Newt's arms slowly… lifted. "I'm so happy that you're here! I don't wanna live in a world without you! I… I love my world with you in it!"

"I get it, Newt."

Newt heard Minho's voice.

"Neither of you wanna lean on anyone or any of that mushy crap, but I also know that you need it. And that, secretly, you do want it."

Newt's arms lifted higher.

"Now, you have two choices. You can either cry yourself to sleep every night, wishing that it could go back to the way it once was."

One arm lifted higher than the other.

"Or, you can finally open yourself up to someone who actually understands your pain."

And then… Finally…

"And, if you chose the latter, you get to be with Hope."

Newt's arms accepted Hope's touch.

"Thank you…" Newt purred into Hope's hair. One of his arms was around her waist, while the other hand was laced through her hair. Either touch was pulling her closer to him, and her body felt amazing against his. "Thank you… so much."

"No… No, thank you for telling me that story, Newt," Hope whispered as she held onto him tighter. "It must have been difficult, but… I'm honored that you shared it with me."

"I'm just glad that you're letting me touch you," Newt mumbled, causing Hope's body to stiffen a little. "I'm… I'm sorry about this morning."

"Me too," Hope agreed. "I didn't mean to push you away."

"I know."

"Are… Are we still friends?"

"Definitely," Newt said without reluctance. "We're… best friends, Hope."

"Haha…" Hope giggled into Newt's ear, and the boy had to stop himself from trembling in delight. But then, Hope abruptly leaned away from the hug and effectively caused their bodies to disconnect. Immediately when Newt was about to grumble in irritation, however, he even more abruptly felt two warm hands grasp his right one. Hope's two hands brought up this hand to her face and allowed him to place it… against her cheek. "I'm happy, Newt! I'm so happy that you're alive!"

Newt's eyes widened.

"Hope is the type of girl… that would accept you for anything."

Again, he heard Minho's voice.

"Newt, it'll make her happy… to have you back in her life."

And again…

"The true you."

Newt was able to touch Hope.

"I'm… I'm happy that I'm alive, too," Newt stammered while seeing his vision blur with tears. He felt Hope's hands hold his, and on the other side of that hand, he felt Hope's soft cheek. It was one of the best feelings… he had ever felt. "I'm happy, Hope. I'm really happy."

"Good…" Hope beamed. "That's all that I need."

Hope was wrong about one thing, though. That night, their friendship did change. It was changing… into something more.

A/N: Hope this doesn't disappoint!