Last time: Sasha falsely accused Kait and J'onz turned out to be the real mole.
Now: Kyr checks on Cien after the raider attack.
Part 3 Chapter 1- I Don't Want This for Them
Kyr walked into the canteen aboard the Defiant, after leaving the briefing with the rest of the Copperheads, Admiral Sulam and Lieutenant Thrase. He was tired. After the battle of Abbiados, after Cien had won the day for them, the 19th had arrived hours later for mop up work. They had taken the surviving raiders as prisoners, and they were currently exiting the nebula. The archeologists were safe, and a corvette and frigate had been left in orbit in case there were any other raiders, but they were sure it was just the one group of hired mercenaries. Why they had been raiding the temples they hadn't determined yet, but one of the survivors had been a fairly high ranking member of the group, so hopefully he might be able to tell them.
Cien had groggily woken up a few moments after Kelce had arrived in the reliquary. After she had put an end to the attack. Kelce had examined her then, but they had had to wait until they arrived back aboard the ship for a more thorough examination. It had been the longest hours of both their lives, waiting to find out if the twins were safe.
He spied her, over in a far corner. Sitting on a sofa, distant from all the others that were relaxing in the canteen. She was looking out at the blood red nebula that was dissipating as they moved out to a safe spot where they could jump out. He passed boisterous groups playing sabbac, both quiet and loud groups of friends relaxing at the end of the day. There were a few couples that seemed to be on dates. A few people that he recognized waved at him as he passed, and he waved back, making his way through the gargantuan lounge to see his wife.
He came around the sofa, there was a low table between it and the large windows that looked out into the view beyond. He was a little surprised that she was sitting there in a loose shirt, having changed into that and some comfortable looking pants rather than the flight suit and armor she had been wearing for most of the trip.
"Hey cyar'ika." He said, as he moved to sit down next to her. "Are you okay?" He asked, wrapping an arm across her shoulders. She had a bottle of untouched fruit juice that she was holding in her hands while she looked distantly out the window.
"Yeah." She said, snuggling into his side. There was still a part of him that was surprised she would do that in such a public setting, even if they had a relatively private space here on their sofa.
"I just got out of the briefing, they don't really know much yet." He said.
"I figured they wouldn't, that's why I didn't really want to attend." She said a little tiredly, and despondently.
"You sure you're okay?" He asked her worriedly.
"Yeah." She said, curling her feet up under her and leaning into him a little more, relaxing somewhat as they sat together.
"What's with the new clothes?" He asked. The shirt was something long sleeved and utilitarian, it looked familiar to him, but he couldn't quite place it. It definitely wasn't something she owned or had packed, though. And the comfortable cargo pants looked so anachronistic on her, and definitely contrasted with the boots from her armor.
"Nova let me borrow them, after I mentioned to Kelce that the flight suit was getting a little tight for the three of us." She said, pulling Kyr's hand down with hers around her shoulder and over her growing baby bump.
"Oh, well, that makes sense." Kyr said.
"It wasn't exactly meant as maternity wear." She joked tiredly.
"No, I guess it wasn't." Kyr said, "a lot of the women in the family had special flight suits, or just didn't wear their armor when they were pregnant." He said, trying to remember. Trying to remember those days so far in the past when the family had been much bigger, and there had been new cousins on the way every now and then.
"I don't know how to do this." Cien admitted quietly. "I feel like we nearly lost them because I…" She grimaced, falling quiet. "I hate having to not be able to fight the way I need to." She said.
Kyr just hugged her closer. "It's okay."
"It's not." She said, annoyedly, fuming. "It's not in my nature to walk away from a fight. To not be the one to do what I need to win. If it was, I wouldn't have survived." She said quietly.
"I know, that's why I love you." He said, kissing the top of her head.
"And I hate having to be protected." She continued, finally voicing her frustrations. "It was one thing when I had a personal guard that preceded me, but that was just a formality. But now I'm having to hold myself back and I hate it." She said.
Kyr was quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry if I've been adding to that. I'm sorry I insisted on going before you." He said, half heartedly. He would never feel sorry for protecting her, or them.
She let out a fuming sigh, knowing he didn't really mean it. But understanding why. "I'm still able to defend myself." She said annoyedly.
"That I know cyar'ika." Kyr said. "You don't need to prove anything to any of us."
"Then why do I feel like I do?" She said, annoyedly, glancing up at him.
He had no answer for that, he swallowed before speaking. "Cyar'ika, I am sorry if I have done anything to make you think you're not still the toughest, most capable person I have ever met." He said quietly. "Nothing could ever change that. And I am sorry if I have been too over protective. I…" He paused, as she stayed silent looking up at him. For so many others, an insistence on having a protector that would precede them would mean little, or be welcomed if anything. But he realized that for her it was something that hurt. It was something that insisted that she was no longer capable of looking out for herself, when for so long she was the only person who could, or would. That was why he loved her, because she was the kind of person that didn't want or need a protector, but appreciated having one. But he had insisted on it, and he realized that he had made a deep mistake in doing so.
"I will always be at your side to protect you. But at your side." He said, trying to make amends, "not in front of you, because you don't need that. Or behind you, because I don't need that. And I am sorry that my insistence otherwise hurt you." He said softly and contritely, and fully meaning it. "I love you, cyar'ika, because that is who you are."
He felt her relax in his hold of her as she looked away. "Thank you cyar'riduur." She said with a tone of relief in her voice.
They sat there, looking out the window for some time as the Defiant sailed away from the heart of the nebula, the blood red clouds outside dissipated somewhat and the stars started coming out.
"I have something that might cheer you up." Kyr said after a while.
"Oh?" Cien said, slightly bemused.
"One of the raiders seems fairly high ranking, but he's not talking. I suggested you might want to interrogate him." Kyr said with a slight smirk as they looked out the window.
"That does sound kind of fun." Cien said with a slight and evil smile. "Maybe tomorrow, though. I'm pretty tired after the fight, and it's better to let them sweat anyway."
"That sounds good." Kyr said, "maybe the four of us can get dinner and we can call it a night?" He suggested.
"In a bit," Cien said quietly. She was enjoying sitting here on the comfortable sofa with her legs curled up beneath her as she snuggled with Kyr. And, in a strange way, being surrounded by the comfortable atmosphere of the canteen, filled with people, it had the atmosphere of being surrounded by family. Which she had missed since Sasha, Viran and Oppie had gone their separate way to Caranas.
"Okay." Kyr said quietly, quite enjoying the moment as well.
"I heard a voice in the reliquary." She said, broaching another topic that had been gnawing at her.
"I remember." Kyr said. "Is everything okay from that?" He asked.
"I think so." Cien replied. "She seemed more interested in finally meeting another Sith. And finally being freed."
"I can imagine, after twenty seven hundred years." Kyr said.
"Probably more like six thousand." Cien said, idly. "The guardian would have been trapped there when the temple was established."
"Yeesh." Kyr said from beside her.
She smiled, and it faltered. "She called them the future of the Sith order." Cien said quietly. That was a remark that had been repeating itself over and over again in her mind, ever since the spirit had said it.
Kyr was silent for a while. "I kind of figured they would be Sith? Following in their mom's footsteps?" He said. "You said they were both going to be Force sensitives." He observed.
"Yes." She said, "one of them is stronger than the other, much stronger, I think." She said, "but both will be Force users.
"So you weren't planning to train them in your own ways?" Kyr asked, glancing down at her.
"I hadn't thought of it." She said, from the crook of his arm, still looking out the window. "I guess I just assumed so, but…" She trailed off. "I feel like I'm always walking on a knife's edge. I fell to the light, because of you and Sasha. But the Darkside is always there. Like a spice addiction that I have to fight constantly, by trying to only draw upon my new passions. My love for you, and our family." She said, she swallowed, trying to work up the courage to admit something; "but I fell back to the darkside." She said, finally sharing something she had kept secret from everyone.
"What?" Kyr asked, confused. That admission seemed at odds with the woman that was quietly snuggling with him on the sofa, enjoying the stars that were emerging from behind the blood red clouds. The woman that had been happily humming a few days ago as she checked in on a prospective nursery.
"When I went to go kill Selina." She said, and she hated herself for saying her name, since she could feel Kyr subtly tense even though he tried to hide it. "After what she had done to you, I hated her, like no other person I have ever met. I wanted to hurt her, like no one else in the galaxy had ever been hurt. I drew on that to get to her in time, past all the barriers she put in my way. Then when I reached her she taunted me with what she had done, and goaded me with it, and then taunted me with what she would do to me when she almost captured me because I lost myself to my rage at her." She admitted. "I drew upon that." She said, "and I feel back to the Darkside."
Kyr was silent at her side, he had no idea what to say. "But you've been so happy these past few months, you don't seem… dark-sidey to me." Kyr finally said, not sure at all what she was trying to say. If anything, over the past months since they had returned from that awful experience, she had seemed more at peace than he had ever known her. More happy, more kind, more thoughtful, he hated to admit, than he had ever thought to see her.
"I hated her." Cien said, "and I wanted her to hurt so badly. So I trapped her in her mind for centuries with herself, and… with something else. All of my rage, my hate, I bottled it up and created something to meet her if she ever escaped from the first layer of her prison. To make sure that if she ever felt that hope of having escaped, since I made sure she had a way to, she would meet something far, far worse." Cien said. "And if she hadn't been there as a vessel for all of that, then I'm not sure how I would have recovered. If I would have recovered. If I'd be who I am today without having someplace to… dispose of that." She said quietly. She was shaking a little in his arms.
He hugged her tighter. "Well, that seems like a good use of that energy." He said, uncertainly.
She paused for a while before continuing. "Being a Sith like I am, it's like trying to talk a narrow trail along an… abyss. An infinitely deep abyss. And that's if you've fallen to the lightside like me. Without you and the rest of the family, I would still be consumed by hate and anger. And I try to push those feelings away all the time. And I don't think I want that for them." She said quietly.
"So what do you want for them?" Kyr asked, "I'll train them to be the best Mandos they can be, but their Force powers, that has to be up to you." Kyr said.
"I was thinking of asking Op if he could train them as Jedi." She stated quietly.
Kyr had to admit he was a little stunned by that. She had spent most of her life thinking of Jedi as her mortal enemies. And now, even if she shared her house with three and a half Jedi, she still seemed proud to be a Sith. It seemed so odd to think that she would turn her back on the Sith so completely. But maybe not, considering that she only ever spoke of other Sith with a deep hatred, and did, in fact, happily share her life with three and a half Jedi.
"Whatever you think is best for them I trust you." Kyr said after a moment.
"I don't honestly know." Cien said quietly. "I just feel like if I tried to raise them as… lightside Sith, that they would always be on the verge of falling to the darkness. And I don't want that for either of them." She paused for a moment. "I always feel like I'm on the verge of slipping, but Sasha, Viran and Oppie always seem so centered. So safe where they are."
"Maybe talk with them about it then, and see what they think." Kyr said, "I also have a friend whose brother is a Jedi, apparently, who's trying to set up a new school or something for them." Kyr said offhandedly.
"Skywalker?" Cien asked.
"Yeah." Kyr said with a slight smirk.
"Maybe." She said with a slight shrug.
"We've got a couple of years to work it out, right? Based on Lana's progress." Kyr observed.
"I suppose so." Cien said.
"Think about it for as long as you need. I trust you to make the right decision about this." Kyr stated. "For what it's worth, I have never seen any particular evidence that you are walking a finer line than any of the rest of us." Kyr said, "Op, Sasha and Viran have had their moments where they weren't so centered as well. Don't be hard on yourself that you have to grapple with anger, frustration or other dark-sidey type emotions." He said quietly. "All of us have to, including them. Considering the life you led, that you came through all of that and can be the wonderful person that you are is a testament to how bright your spirit is." He said quietly. Outside the last of the nebula was fading away, leaving nothing but an uninterrupted starscape.
She was quiet for a time before she finally spoke, quietly. "I love you cyar'riduur."
"I love you too, cyar'ika." Kyr said, kissing the top of her head again.
They sat quietly for a time, enjoying the starscape out the window. Cien yawned, "I think I might be ready to head to bed." She said.
"No dinner?" He asked.
"No, I'm exhausted." She said, getting up. "I had a snack earlier, so feel free to get something without me." She said as he stood with her.
"Nah, I'm ready to call it a night too. It's been a really long day." Kyr said as they started walking through the canteen. Past the couples on dates, past the friends that were spending time together in boisterous and quiet groups, and past the sabacc game that looked like it was getting serious, based on the sabacc faces. They passed all of this as they went to leave the canteen. And though a few people smiled at them as they passed, none waved, since they were holding hands and the Colonel and his wife wouldn't have been able to wave back.
Review! So glad she and the twins are okay!