"This is ridiculous." Valentine paced the floor of Snape's front room.
"When has The Daily Prophet been anything but?" Snape muttered, reading the very same newspaper.
Valentine threw up her hands and slapped them down to her sides in anger. She glared at the front page of The Daily Prophet. It displayed in large lettering; Dumbledore: Daft or Dangerous?
"He's doing everything he can to stop the greatest magical threat the wizarding world has ever seen and Fudge is too busy with his hat up his ass!"
Snape glowered at her over the edge of the paper.
"Don't give me that look, Severus Snape." She pointed at him accusingly. "I know you think the same."
"Perhaps. But not as vocally and not with such language."
"And Harry!" Valentine continued to pace. "A liar? He's seen Voldemort with his own eyes! That tends to happen when he keeps trying to kill him. And don't even get me started on Cedric Diggory's death. Tragic accident? Tragic accident!"
Valentine was completely livid. Being on the inside and knowing the truth it only made it harder to hear the lies that she wasn't even allowed to deny.
One day everyone is going to feel so bloody stupid for believing this rubbish.
"You're working yourself up for nothing, Lestrange." said Snape.
"Nothing!" She twisted violently to face him.
"That's what I said, yes."
"How can you call this nothing?" Valentine exclaimed. "You know everything that I know! Voldemort tried to kill Harry Potter and he's the reason why Cedric Diggory is dead!"
"I am aware." Snape ground out through his teeth.
Valentine resisted the urge to stamp her foot. She knew for sure that she'd be ridiculed for that. She walked into the kitchen and then immediately spun around, marched back into the front room and fell into her typical spot by the window. The book she had been reading was still sitting there open on the table, her boots beneath the chair.
She glared over at her potions professor. He completely ignored her. As the summer holidays had rolled on, he'd quickly gotten used to her being around, mostly due to the fact he quite literally couldn't get rid of her. She groaned loudly enough to be sure that it would annoy him and then picked up the book to continue reading.
They sat in silence for close to an hour before Valentine pulled a hand back through her hair and sighed. The textbook she was reading wasn't even for a schooling level and she was having more trouble then she anticipated. She was used to working ahead by at least a year, the texts for her current year levels were often too easy and she memorised it quickly. This wasn't something she'd ever learn while at Hogwarts, but the fact that she couldn't understand it was maddening. She was used to a smooth ride when it came to academics.
Valentine glanced over at Snape in his armchair and briefly considered throwing the book at his face but instead, she stood and thrust the book an inch from his nose.
"This section." She ordered. "Explain it to me."
She squared her shoulders and did her best to appear menacing. On anyone else, it would have done just the trick. But this was Severus Snape and he knew that behind her threatening act that she was just a fifteen year old with venomous use of sarcasm and a generally unstable amount of guilt. Naturally, if she'd ever heard him say that she'd have kicked him. Sometimes Valentine wished that she was in this Potter-Protection-Boat with anyone else.
"This isn't even on the curriculum." Snape arched a brow at her.
"Just explain it to me." She insisted in an irritated tone.
"I thought you were a prodigy."
"And I thought you were a teacher." Valentine returned sourly, starting to regret asking for help in the first place.
"Well, I suppose if you are well and truly unable to understand then..." Snape spoke slowly, words dripping with self-satisfaction.
"Finish that sentence and I finish your life."
"Ah, everything status quo on this end."
The sudden voice made Valentine spin around to face her headmaster standing in the entrance to Snape's kitchen.
"Professor?" She blinked in surprise, almost feeling like a sticky-fingered child caught in some mischievous act.
"Miss Lestrange. Severus." The elderly wizard inclined his head towards them.
"How long have you been standing there?" She frowned.
"Long enough to wonder what you're doing here of all places." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled curiously.
"You try and get rid of her." Snape muttered under this breath.
"I got bored." Valentine shrugged and kicked her leg back into the side of his chair to shut him up.
"Nevertheless, it's convenient you're here." Dumbledore's words seemed to add thirty years to his already ancient appearance.
"What is it?" asked Valentine. "Is it about what they've been saying in the paper?"
"Harry Potter has been attacked by dementors." said Dumbledore wearily. Valentine's heart dropped into her stomach and behind her, Snape sat up straighter. "He fought them off through the use of the Patronus Charm, but his cousin was present."
"Perfect." Valentine raised a hand to her forehead. "Just perfect."
I swear no matter what happens danger creeps up on him and pounces.
"Currently, he has been expelled from Hogwarts." said Dumbledore. "Tomorrow there will be a hearing and I will go myself as Harry's defence."
"A hearing for the use of underage magic...for protection?" Snape asked slowly as though he hadn't heard correctly.
"Just watch." Valentine clenched her fists at her side. "They'll just use this as another way to discredit what happened during the last task."
"I am certain that Cornelius will try and take full advantage of this situation, yes." Dumbledore agreed.
"But dementors?" Valentine shook her head in disbelief. "What would dementors be doing in a Muggle-populated area?"
"You think the ministry is behind this." Snape stood from his chair.
"You think Fudge is willing to go that far?" Valentine looked up at him.
"I think he'd do anything to convince the community that the Dark Lord hasn't returned."
"That is a possibility, but it could be the Dark Lord himself who orchestrated this." Dumbledore pointed out.
"But the dementors have been loyal to the Ministry for hundreds of years." said Valentine. "Why would they suddenly align themselves with Voldemort? It's not like they give a damn about politics."
"Dementors serve whoever can provide the most food for them." Dumbledore explained. "Allowing them to feast on the prisoners of Azkaban has always been the main reason for their loyalty."
"And you think Voldemort can offer more?"
"Perhaps. Regardless, they have sided with him in the past."
Valentine sighed and frowned heavily down at her feet.
What good am I if Potter's going to get hurt where he can't be protected? What happens if he gets attacked during the holidays and he's alone?
She bit down hard on the inside of her mouth in sheer frustration.
He could die and this would be over. I would have failed. I-
"Stop that." Snape growled and seized her forearm in a tight grip. "I can practically see the guilt leaking out of your head and I'm not cleaning you up again."
"No one asked you too." Valentine ripped her arm from his grasp, covering the scarred flesh with her other hand.
"Then the next time you're bleeding, go somewhere else." Snape rebutted.
"Were you injured?" asked Dumbledore, his brow creasing in concern.
Valentine realized she'd almost forgot he was standing there, watching them squabble as per usual.
"Well." Snape prompted her harshly. "Show him."
Valentine sent him an icy glare as she extended her arm out for her Headmaster to see.
"This looks serious." Dumbledore commented softly, taking the arm in one hand and running his thumb along the fading scar.
"She did it to herself." Snape added and Valentine immediately wished she had thrown that book at him. "Her little friend Highcourt finally confessed his feelings for her and she felt so guilty for turning him down that she thought cutting her arm open was the correct course of action."
"Excuse me." Valentine snapped at him. "I already told you I couldn't control it. It just happened!"
"That's quite concerning." Dumbledore surmised.
Valentine groaned and took her arm back.
"It's fine, okay? I hardly doubt I'm going to get any more surprise confessions." Valentine curled her lip at Snape. "Unless you got a creepy little secret."
"That's revolting." Snape sneered, openly disgusted by the thought.
"The feeling's mutual." She sneered back.
"You say you couldn't control it?" said Dumbledore, brow furrowed.
"When it happens...it happens so quickly that it's like there's no time to stop myself." Valentine tried to explain. "It's almost like I'm overcome, I can't control it."
"This has happened before?"
"I may or may not have punched through a window a while back." Valentine murmured offhandedly. Dumbledore exchanged a glance with Snape. "Oh no. I've seen that look before. This had better not be another life-sucking parasite. I am not doing that again."
"No, but I believe something can be done to help you." Dumbledore patted her on the shoulder. "It sounds to me like you need a stronger grip on your emotions, particularly your feelings of guilt."
"Obviously." Snape scoffed.
"And while I would usually suggest talking about your problems with someone you trust, this is a peculiar kind of situation." said Dumbledore. "I personally believe Occlumency could be helpful in this situation as well as useful in the future. It could help you tame your emotions into a place where it wouldn't cause you to lash out in forms of self-harm."
The words 'self-harm' were like a slap in the face. Valentine had never thought of what she'd done as self-harm.
But that really is the best word for it, isn't it? I'm hurting myself. Whether or not I can control it is beside the point.
"Occlumency?" Snape practically grimaced.
"It's protection from the use of Legilimency, isn't it?" asked Valentine.
"Yes." Dumbledore nodded. "Its practice takes a great deal of mental discipline. It's a difficult task but I wouldn't be surprised if someone with your talents didn't catch on soon enough."
"Oh and I suppose you're going to throw this on me as well." Snape growled.
"You're an Occlumen?" Valentine stared at him.
"And a very skilled one." Dumbledore appraised, a small twinkle in his eye. "It could be fun."
Snape scoffed and turned away.
"Something really must be done, Severus." Dumbledore tucked his hands behind his back and crept towards the other man.
"I'm standing right here." Valentine muttered.
"This could become a rather dire situation if left untreated." Dumbledore added.
"I will...do it...if I must." Snape spoke as though the mere words caused him pain. He turned to Valentine sharply. "Be warned, I won't go easy on you."
"Don't be surprised when I surpass you, professor." She tilted her chin up to him defiantly.
--Pretending To Live--
"Shut those curtains." said Snape.
Valentine frowned. He was perfectly capable of doing it himself, with hand or by magic but she just grumbled under her breath and did so anyway.
"The ones in the kitchen too."
"Excuse me." Valentine glared at him. "Is there a reason you can't do it?"
"This is for your own benefit." Snape ignored her unimpressed stare. "Now do as you're told."
Valentine trudged through the front room and into the kitchen, tugging the threadbare curtains shut.
"I don't see how shutting the curtains will make a world of difference." said Valentine, turning to look into the now dim setting.
"It'll stop you from getting distracted by any movement outside."
"You do realise where you live, right?"
He ignored her again. Valentine rolled her eyes and moved back into the front room.
"Stand over there." Snape gestured to the floor in front of her usual seat by the window.
She complied. Despite all her whinging and complaints, she was strangely excited for her first Occlumency lesson. Its purpose may have been to stop her from injuring herself again, but she saw it as another weapon in her arsenal.
"Now, tell me what you already know about Occlumency." Snape ordered, standing across from her and sounding very much like the grump of a teacher who'd taught her potions for all these years.
"Occlumency is a form of magic that has been around for hundreds of years. It is the practice of closing off one's mind to others using Legilimency, which in turn is the practice of dwelling into another person's thoughts, feelings and memories." Valentine answered, as though reading from a textbook. "Particularly skilled Occlumen can even alter their own memories or at least a Legilimens' perceptions of them."
"Correct." Snape drawl, quite unsatisfied with her intelligence. "It can also be used in resisting the effects of veritaserum and other forms of magic used to control a person's mind or body."
"Like the Imperius Curse?"
"Yes. But no matter the form, the practice of Occlumency is difficult to master. It's rare for one to manage so, but it is extremely useful.
"Where do we start?"
"The most basic form of Occlumency is completely clearing one's mind of all thoughts. I will then attempt to enter your mind."
"You're going inside my head?" Valentine grimaced.
"You're not the only one who finds this less than tasteful." Snape curled his lip in disgust. "But if you are not able to do this, then there's no point in going any further."
"Give it your best shot." Valentine challenged, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Clear your mind, Lestrange."
Snape pulled his wand from his robes, watching her carefully.
Valentine sucked in a breath, steeling herself.
Here we go.
Wait. No.
My mind has to be completely blank. Fantastic. Unlike Snape, I actually have things going on in here.
Valentine breathed out and did her best to see nothing but black, choosing a spot in the middle of Snape's chest and staring at it.
Completely blank. Nothing.
"Legilimens!" Snape flicked his wrist.
Valentine immediately felt an abnormal pressure around her head, she gritted her teeth, but Snape found his way inside seamlessly. She felt like images were being pulled up from her past and played out in front of her eyes, but she wasn't the only one who could see them. It was reminiscent of the dreams she'd experienced for years under the effects of a magical parasite.
Sitting on the stool before the entire school, being sorted into a house that wasn't really hers.
Visiting Liam's house over the Summer and continuously destroying Blaze in chess.
Brushing Leah's hair while she prattled on.
Protecting Draco from the rage of his father, taking the pain herself.
Watching Olivia Benson fall to her death.
Staring down at Liam's nervous fingers, twisting the buttons of his shirt cuffs.
Valentine forced back, trying to push the pressure around her head away. She felt Snape pull back, but it had been on his own accord.
"I said empty your mind, Lestrange." Snape growled at her.
"Shut up." She hissed back, slightly unsteady on her feet. "It's not like I've ever done this before and having you inside my head is less than pleasant."
"The feeling's mutual." said Snape unsympathetically, raising his wand again. "You must harness your emotions. Empty your mind. Now, prepare yourself."
Valentine clenched her fist and shut her eyes, again trying to think of nothing, to feel nothing.
She felt that same pressure and instinctively pushed back, it was little more than a reflex born from the desire to not have Snape poking around in her head again.
"Focus! Your task is not to remove me, but to give me nothing." Snape ordered, just pushing harder.
Valentine grunted with the sheer effort it took to stop trying to force him from her mind. She thought of nothing, nothing but keeping him out of her head and like that Snape was pushed away again.
"You must do as I say!" Snape took a threatening step towards her, dropping his wand arm. "Forcing me out is not enough! If you don't want me to see inside your mind then empty it!"
He raised his wand again and Valentine let him back in without resistance. She saw the memories flash behind her closed eyes and ignored them.
Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Who cares what he can see? It's just Snape. It's not like his opinion even matters. It's fine. Calm down. Think of nothing. Nothing. Just black.
She unclenched her fists and breathed out.
I can't do this if I'm focused on keeping him out. That's not what I have to do. It's fine if he's there. It's fine. But I can't give him something to look at. My task leaving him with nothing but black. Empty...
...nothing...
The images were flickering in and out of view. They were fading away into the nothingness. She almost got excited but stopped herself.
...calm...
It was as if she was pulling herself deeper and locking away her thoughts and memories, keeping the forefront of her mind blank. Then she felt Snape pressed deeper, testing her strength and it immediately unravelled.
"Damn it!" Valentine cursed as her eyes snapped open.
"That was better."
Valentine looked up at him in genuine surprise.
"But you're not there yet." Snape continued. "Your mind is a mess. You overthink basic situations. This isn't difficult if you can control yourself without force."
Valentine twisted her ring on her finger. All the clenching had pressed the metal into her skin and now it was tender. She sighed wearily and shut her eyes for a moment. When they opened again they were hard and determined, bright and steadfast.
"Again." She clenched her fists despite the bite of the ring and cleared her mind.
--Pretending To Live--
Valentine rocked back on her chair, feeling the motion halt from the wall behind her. She could hear the house's old pipes creak and whistle as the water rushed through them. Snape was upstairs in the bathroom.
She turned her attention down to the book in front of her. It was a volume on Occlumency. Snape insisted practical application was always more valuable in the case of Occlumency and Legilimency, but until she could clear her mind successfully, she thought it couldn't hurt to read up a little more.
Both she and Snape had been ready to kick her. They spent three hours trying to empty her head, but it simply devolved into an argument about Valentine's lack of self-control. Failure was still alien to her. It left a bitter taste in her mouth. She was so used to accomplishing things with ease that challenges irked her.
It had become apparent to everyone that she was highly intelligent from a very young age. She and Draco's tutors would have to construct completely different assignments to them to suit their skill level. The only thing Draco had ever excelled in compared to her, was riding a broom. But despite the obstacles in her own emotions, she was determined to master Occlumency, even if it was just to spite Snape.
Valentine looked up from the book and out the narrow window. Night had fallen over the dank little suburb some time ago.
I suppose I should return to Malfoy Manor eventually. I haven't been back since yesterday morning.
She had her intimidation to thank for letting her roam so freely. Draco had only asked where she was disappearing to a few times and Valentine had swiftly reminded him that it was none of his business. Lucius found it best to stay out of her way after she'd humiliated him. Narcissa was another story but Valentine didn't think that there was a force on Earth that could stop her from worrying and nagging.
Valentine knew she should have felt guilty, but being out in the world was too enticing to pass up. Even if it did mostly consist of irritating Snape. School would begin again soon and she could go return to pretending to hate Harry while secretly protecting him. What a simple life she led.
Now all I have to do is learn to control my emotions. Right. Okay. Easy...fuck.
Valentine groaned and laid her head down on the open book.
"Difficult chapter?" The sudden voice made Valentine spring back up. She locked eyes with her Headmaster, smiling at her coyly. "Forgive me for frightening you."
"I wasn't afraid." Valentine said a bit too quickly.
"Of course." Dumbledore smiled wider.
She really wasn't. Surprised if anything. There weren't many things that made her feel truly afraid.
"What has happened to Harry's case?" Valentine asked. "The Daily Prophet hasn't reported anything."
"Harry has been cleared of all charges."
"No trouble then?" Valentine eyed him. Dumbledore was old and kind and wise, but also secretive and had a cunning streak usually found in Slytherins.
"The hearing time was moved forward, but I arrived three hours early in case something like that was to happen." He explained.
"Ah." Valentine nodded in understanding. It had seemed too far fetched to her that they'd give Harry a fair trial.
"You've begun your Occlumency training?" Dumbledore peeked curiously at the book on the table.
"Oh." Valentine glanced down at it. "Yes. We started today."
"And how are you finding it?"
"About as difficult as everyone says." Valentine admitted.
"Occlumency can't be procured from books." Dumbledore looked off into the corner of the room while he talked. "It is a power of the mind. Your will is strong enough but you need to balance your emotions also."
"That's where it's getting difficult." Valentine sighed and leaned back in her chair. "How do you control emotions? You can't decide what thoughts come into your mind."
"Ah, but thoughts are not emotions, child." Dumbledore had that twinkle in his eye. "Emotions are how you feel in response to those thoughts."
"It's my reactions I have to control?" Valentine cocked her head to the side, narrowing her eyes. "That's usually no problem for me, but given the circumstance, I'm not always given the choice. Not that Snape can grasp that. According to him, everything is entirely my fault no matter the details."
Dumbledore laughed heartily.
"You bicker like children, and yet you're here in this house." Dumbledore hummed in that all-knowing way of his.
Valentine had her mouth open and ready to remind Dumbledore that Snape didn't exactly welcome her presence, and no matter where they were, they treated each other with animosity. Then they heard the footsteps coming down the narrow steps.
Valentine hadn't noticed that the groaning pipes had fallen silent.
"His ears must have been burning." Dumbledore chuckled playfully.
Upon seeing them, Snape's gaze immediately turned suspicious.
"Headmaster." He greeted hesitantly.
"Evening Severus." Dumbledore smiled, oh so innocently.
Valentine looked down at the book to hide her grin. It wasn't often the man looked so uneasy.
"Evening..." Snape drawled. "Potter?"
"Cleared of all charges. He'll be returning to Hogwarts at the beginning of term." Dumbledore relayed.
"How fortunate." said Snape, not bothering to tailor his expression to his words.
"Do try not to over excite yourself." Valentine scoffed.
"I have more news I wanted to tell both of you." This got Valentine and Snape's attention. "A Defence Against the Dark Arts professor has been selected. Her name is Dolores Umbridge."
Snape's face rapidly changed and he suddenly looked like he'd eaten something sour.
"Where have I heard that name before?" Valentine frowned.
"She's from the Ministry." Snape explained distastefully. "Head of the Improper Use of Magic Office."
"And Cornelius's Senior Undersecretary." Dumbledore added.
"Oh, that's just fantastic." Valentine slapped her hand on the table. "She's going to run off and tell everything that happens to the Minister."
"Undoubtedly." Dumbledore sighed. "Cornelius suspects me of vying for his position. Employing Dolores Umbridge at Hogwarts is obviously his way of keeping an eye on things."
"What are you going to do?" Valentine scoffed. "Form an uprising? Train students like soldiers and storm the Ministry? He's mad."
"Not mad." Dumbledore shook his head. "Just paranoid."
"Fudge will be the least of your problems with Umbridge at Hogwarts." Snape hissed, sitting in his armchair.
"How bad are you insinuating?" Valentine arched a brow. "Secretly a Death Eater and using a Polyjuice potion to disguise themselves bad? Or someone who thinks they're far more attractive and intelligent than they really are bad?"
"I'd rather deal with Barty Crouch Jr and Lockhart combined then that woman." Snape spoke the word 'woman' as if referring to her as such was an insult to every female on the planet.
"And there goes another chance at a semi peaceful year." Valentine grumbled. "Fuck."
Dumbledore blinked in surprise at the sudden curse.
"Lestrange!" Snape barked at her.
Valentine just rolled her eyes and rested her head in the palm of her hand.
"When are you going to get over this?"
"When you get out of my house?"
"They're just harmless little words." Valentine prodded. "It's not like I called you an old, annoying, sadistic, evil gutter rat."
Snape gritted his teeth in a way that seemed painful, almost looking like he was about ready to launch across the room at her in a violent attack.
"Question." Valentine abruptly ignored him, turning to Dumbledore. "If Occlumency is supposed to help me control my emotions, then what about the old, annoying, sadistic, evil gutter rat in question? He hardly seems stable to me."
"I haven't punched any windows." Snape responded snidely.
"No, you just spend your time bullying little school children."
"Well, clearly I haven't bullied you enough." The man spat. "You're still a disrespectful, ungrateful brat."
"You're just angry because I've never been afraid of you like everyone else."
"That's your mistake."
"Your mistake was thinking you can push me around!"
"Why don't you go and cry to your little delinquent friends!"
"Better friends with delinquents then a senile old bastard!"
Dumbledore stood amidst the bickering, glancing back and forth as they threw insult after insult.
"Now, now, Severus." He said in an almost patronizing tone. "They are Miss Valentine's friends after all and she wouldn't be the first child to have surrounded herself with those her elders think unsuitable."
"Elders?" Snape was displeased by the phrasing.
Unsuitable? My other friends are practically insane! What makes them any more suitable than the band? Unless...?
"Wait." Valentine straightened, a faint, smug smile drifting into her lips. "You don't like them because you think they're a bad influence. Because after I met them, I started to swear."
"Nonsense." Snape turned his face away.
"That's basically an admission of guilt!" Valentine pointed to him accusingly. "You didn't want me around them because you were worried I would pick up bad habits. Oh, Professor. I never knew you cared."
"I don't." Snape's hands visibly tightened on the chair's arms.
"That settles it." Valentine jumped up from her seat. "I'm going to fucking swear all the fucking time now."
Dumbledore could hardly hide his chuckle.
"You can't approve of this!" Snape gestured at her in open offence.
"I believe there's a time and place for all kinds of language." Dumbledore said in his ever cryptic manner. "School may not be the best place for expletives however..."
"Just try and fucking stop me." Valentine crossed her arms defiantly with a wide smile.
Snape rubbed at his eyes tiredly.
"Will all you just leave already."
--Pretending To Live--
That morning Valentine woke at an unusually early hour. Typically, Snape was up before her. Usually, he was the one to make some sort of noise that woke her up. But today, she woke to silence in the house. She bundled the blanket in her hand and then paused.
Where did this come from? I know I went to sleep without a blanket...
The blanket was slightly scratchy and smelt musty like the oldest of Leah's stuffed animals.
Did Snape...? No. I find it hard to believe he put a blanket on me without first contemplating using it to suffocate me. Maybe he's going to act freakishly nice in the hope of actually getting rid of me? Weird but it might just work.
Valentine peeled the blanket off herself and threw it in a bundle on her chair. She cleared away her cup and the box of biscuits, but not before grabbing one and sticking it between her teeth. She dragged a hand through her hair, but her fingers got caught on a knot. It was already a nightmare on a regular basis, but sleeping on a floor certainly didn't help.
She glanced up the staircase leading to the second floor. She'd only been up there a handful of times- to use the bathroom and shower- but Snape hardly put up with her being a constant in the front room let alone any other room in his house. Valentine assumed he didn't want her rummaging through his things.
She moved up the stairs on quiet, deft feet. The second floor had that same air of organised havoc that the first floor did. To the outside eye, it was a cluttered mess, but to the owner, everything was in its designated place. Everything was lit by the early morning sun coming in through a slim window down the far end of the hall.
She passed a single photograph framed on the wall. It had no motion the way magical photographs tended to have. Valentine had stared at it every time she'd been up there. It was a family portrait with what she could only assume was Snape and his parents.
He and his mother really do look alike.
The woman had a long nose and sullen complexion, with dark eyes and hair, just like the young boy standing beside her. Valentine had picked Snape out of the picture easily. Although his face was more prominently lined now. Snape's father stood behind them both, a grip on his wife's shoulder that even through ink Valentine could recognise as being unwelcomed.
He was average in looks, with hair lighter than his family. He was much taller than his wife. Snape had inherited his height. None of them were smiling.
If Valentine was being completely honest, she didn't like to think about her Potions Professor's life. What little she knew was depressing and humbling to say the very least and it was so easy to forget and simply hate him instead. It was obvious to see he'd grown up in poverty like most in the area and then went on to be bullied and ridiculed while at Hogwarts, then the woman he loved was murdered by the madman he followed. That sort of thing tended either to make a person or break them. Valentine wasn't certain which one applied to Snape.
Hmm. Perhaps some of his resentment for me stems from the fact that I've never been in want of material objects? It's not like I can deny that coming from a wealthy family has a world of benefits, whether or not the head of that family is even remotely a decent person.
She walked away from the photograph, trailing the tips of her fingers along the faded and peeling wallpaper. Valentine knew that if she'd put on her boots when she woke up, she'd be able to hear every step she took loud and clear.
The hall was very short and narrow like the rest of the house. There were only three doors. Two on the left side of the hall, one she knew to be the combined toilet and bathroom. Then there was another solidarity one on the other side.
She stopped at the first door and glanced down at the handle. It was covered in a layer of dust Valentine ran a finger across the knobs surface, dust and grime coming away with it. She looked behind her at the door across the hall. The handle was completely clean. As was the one for the bathroom.
I guess he never goes in here then.
Valentine reached out and twisted the knob, half expecting it to be locked, but the knob turned as it should. She pushed the door gently and it gave a loud squeak.
She immediately stopped, holding her breath. She waited for the sounds of footsteps behind her. Nothing. She heaved a sigh and pushed again.
The door still creaked and so she only opened it far enough to wiggle her body through. The doorknob had been a precursor for the dust inside.
There has to be decades worth of stuff in here.
Valentine glanced down at her feet, stepping carefully, though leaving footprints in the dust on the floor. By the sunlight streaming through the moth-bitten material of the dirty curtains hung over the window, she could see the contents of the room; An old iron-wrought bed in one corner, boxes piled on top of it and a bookcase up against one wall, its shelves sagging under the weight of the many items.
Valentine steps towards it carefully, as if it could collapse on top of her at any time. She reached out and cautiously pulled a book from it. She covered her mouth so as to not cough as the dust on it was disrupted.
She flicked it open and read a few lines. It was a novel she recognised. She read the small embossed words on the hardcover 'Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens'. She vaguely recalled the writer's name as a popular Muggle author; naturally, they didn't have such things in the library at Malfoy Manor. She slid it back into its place and pulled out the one beside it.
This was a thin worn notebook. She opened it and as she did a small piece of paper fell from its pages. Valentine looked down at her foot where it had landed by her toes.
A photograph?
She bent down and picked it up to study it.
Is that...? It has to be.
It was a small square photograph of a young girl with fiery red hair. She was wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Valentine flipped it over, but it was unlabelled. She frowned.
Who else would he have a picture of? But it's been years now. Lily Potter was murdered over a decade ago. It seems so strange to keep a picture like this, especially when she went on to marry and have a child with another man. It doesn't make any sense. Surely such a long time is adequate to move on? But what do I know? Nothing about the heart, that's for certain. Maybe he's forgotten it's even in here.
"What the hell are you doing in here, Lestrange?" Snape's voice in the doorway almost startled her and she quickly turned to the fuming man.
"I was just looking."
"Get out!" He glowered dangerously, near shaking with rage.
"Do you want this back?" She glared, holding up the photograph for him to see.
He snatched it from her hand.
"Leave and do not come back." He spoke between heavy breaths.
"I won't come in here again!" She gestured to the room.
"I said get out!" He grabbed her wrist and jerked her towards the door.
"Why do you still have that picture?" She asked, wincing slightly at the way the skin of her wrist twisted in his grip.
Snape looked genuinely shocked by her question.
"What?" He snapped.
"The picture." Valentine continued. "It's Lily Potter, isn't it? I know you used to be in love with her, but that was years ago. Why do you still have it?"
"That's none of your concern!" He shoved her way as if she'd burnt him.
Then it dawned on her.
"You're still in love with her, aren't you?" Valentine was honestly confused. "Why?"
"It's none of your concern. You're a child. You don't know anything about what happened." He hissed at her.
Valentine remembered the words Delaney had told her about and what they meant.
"You're right." Valentine could only shrug. "When it comes to romantic love, I don't know anything. To hold a torch for someone your whole life...why? It doesn't make sense. What do you get out of it? How does the emotion linger for so long?"
"What kind of question is that?" Snape sneered.
"I don't know." Valentine shrugged again. "It just seems...useless I suppose? That kind of thing doesn't interest me. What kind of relationship can you have with a romantic partner that you can't have with a friend? I mean, what's even the difference?"
"What in the world are you babbling on about?" Snape seemed increasingly less angry by her intrusion and more confused by her questions.
"Have you ever heard of the word aromantic? Or asexual?"
"No." He arched a dark brow at her.
"Well, I suppose that doesn't matter. But you never answered my questions."
"Keep your questions to yourself."
"But who else am I supposed to ask? Leah and Blaze? They usually don't even know what day it is!" Valentine exclaimed. "What's the difference between a friend and a lover? I know people usually don't tend to become sexually involved with their friends, but that's the only difference I can pinpoint."
"Of all the ridiculous questions..." Snape shook his head at her. "It's obvious."
"Not to me." Valentine looked at him expectantly and for a moment Snape looked like a deer in the headlights.
"They're...they're just different."
"Well, you're no help!" Valentine groaned.
Snape gave an annoyed sigh.
"Why don't you go ask Highcourt since he wants to be more than just friends? Surely he must know something in the topic?"
"One; That was below the belt. Two; Why? Does he want to be more than friends? He knows me to be a terrible person! What could he get from me that he couldn't get by being my friend?" Valentine agonised. "What did you want from Lily Potter that she couldn't give you as a friend?"
Snape turned away from her and for a moment she thought she just wouldn't get an answer. The air was tense and thick with dust.
"It's just not the same." He said lowly.
"Fucking hell- whatever. Whatever. This is stupid. I don't even know why I'm talking about this. Romance is stupid and unnecessary. Think about it, your life could have been so much easier if you hadn't fallen in love with her in the first place."
"No." Snape said firmly, his head snapped up but he didn't look at her. His voice was even and final. "I don't regret it."
"But it could have saved you so much pain?" Valentine's brows knitted together in confusion. "I don't understand."
"It's...not something that can be explained." He replied slowly.
"Well, like I said. This is stupid." Valentine sighed. Snape remained silent. "When you're done brooding, I'll be downstairs. I'm going to master Occlumency today, I guarantee it."
Snape glanced over his shoulder and scoffed at her. His eyes were glassy but she pretended not to notice.
"We'll see, Lestrange."