Author: PreppyPrincess5103

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

Notes: I know it's been a while... I'm the absolute worst at leaving stories unfinished. But I am determined to finish this, especially since it's so close to the end.

Part Eighteen

"Come on. If we leave now, we should be able to miss the traffic." He reached for her suitcase as well, and pulled both behind him as they made their way out of the apartment. He put them in the back and then hurried to open her door for her.

He started the car and they drove in silence for a few moments. Harm glanced over at her, and tried to hide his grin. Maddie may not have wanted a large wedding, but she was a big fan of over-the-top bachelorette parties, at least judging by the list in Mac's lap. "So, are you going to want a bachelorette party?"

She frowned and reached over to lower the volume on the stereo. "No. Why, are you? A bachelor party, anyway."

He shrugged. "I hadn't really thought about it. I feel a little old for this kind of thing." He thought back to other bachelor parties he'd attended over the years. There was always too much alcohol and someone usually ended up injured. That kind of party just didn't appeal to him anymore. Even the idea of strippers and lap dances didn't interest him - they didn't hold a candle to the woman he was marrying.

"You don't have to have a raucous party at a strip club." She pulled her legs into her seat and turned to him. "You could go to a cigar bar, or a scotch tasting. Something a little more upscale."

He shrugged again. "Maybe. But I just don't see the point."

"Yeah, I guess. I think the original reasoning behind one was to have one last wild night before settling down." She smiled at him. "But I guess we're already pretty settled."

He grinned and moved one hand to rest on her thigh. "Yeah, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Really?"

He glanced at her, confusion on his handsome face. "Is that a serious question? I love our life, Mac. You know that."

"I know you do. I just... we've moved fairly fast. And when we close on the new house next week, that's one more nail in the coffin of the easygoing & commitment free life you used to have."

He frowned and quickly glanced at her again. "You had the same 'easygoing and commitment free' life that I had."

She shrugged. "I guess." She was quiet for a moment and focused on the scenery they were driving by. She loved this city in the summer; she loved how alive it was with people and activity.

"Mac?"

She turned back to him and sighed. "I didn't want that life, though. Not until Chris came back into the picture and made me swear off men. Before that I wanted a relationship and commitment. I remember after that night I'm Russia I thought that maybe it was time to put myself back out there. I wanted romance and passion, and intimacy."

He swallowed at the memory of that first night in Russia. "You should have said something."

She shrugged again. "Maybe. It doesn't matter now."

Harm glanced at her quickly, before turning his attention back to the road. "You're right; it doesn't matter. We want the same thing now, and I love being committed to you. Coming home to you every day is the best thing I've ever done."

"Let me take that to the bedroom." Ben took Mac's suitcase from her and took it back to the bedroom. He came back and grinned at his fiancée. "I feel kind of guilty that we're spending the weekend in an oceanfront house, and you all are spending the weekend here."

Maddie rolled her eyes and glanced at Mac. "We're spending tonight here, and then all day tomorrow at the Four Seasons Spa and tomorrow night in luxury suites, while you all are drinking beer on a beach in 100-degree weather. I think we've got the better end of this deal."

He grinned. "So, what are you two doing tonight while we're driving to the Outer Banks?"

Maddie grinned and wrapped an arm around Mac's waist. "Oh, you know. Just change into sexy lingerie, have a pillow fight. You know. Typical girl things."

"Yeah, adult movie girl things," Harm said with a grin.

"Anyway," Mac chimed in, feeling a little like the only adult in the room. "We're going for the final wedding gown fitting, then getting dinner at Jaleo."

Ben smiled and looked at Harm. "Fine, fine. I guess we'll go ahead and make the drive to that hot, sandy beach." He reached for Maddie and tugged her close to say their goodbyes.

Mac glanced at her friends and then moved closer to Harm. "Have fun. And please be careful."

"Of course." He grinned and bent to kiss her. "I think I'm a little old to get in trouble at a bachelor party."

She raised an eyebrow and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Do I need to remind you that Admiral Chegwidden was in jail with you all after Bud's party."

He gave her a sheepish grin. "Good point." He brushed his lips over hers. "I'll see you in a few days."

She watched as Ben grabbed his suitcase and the two men left the apartment and headed back to Harm's SUV. Then she turned her attention to Maddie. "You ready to go try on your dress?"

She groaned and flopped back onto the couch. "Not really. I still wish we would have eloped."

Mac extended a hand to Maddie, to pulled her up. "Well, it's a little late for that, and there's a $3,000 white gown waiting for you in Georgetown. Come on."

Maddie groaned again and lifted herself off the couch. "Fine, fine. Let's get this over with."

"It really is a beautiful gown."

Maddie spun around, and lifted the skirt of the gown before stepping off the platform. She spun around again, watching the skirts move with her in the mirror. "You really think so?"

Mac smiled and looked over the white satin ballgown. It really was breathtaking and so simple with its full skirt, fitted bodice, and delicate white straps. "Yeah, it's absolutely perfect."

"I can't believe I ended up with such a princess style ballgown." She spun again, and turned back to her reflection. She lifted her red hair up and made a face in the mirror. "Hair up or down?"

"I vote for down." She stood and came to stand behind her friend. She tugged her hand, and watched as the curtain of red hair fell around her shoulders. "Down, and a little wild like it is now." They stood there and studied their reflections for a long moment. Then Mac gently squeezed her shoulders and stepped back. "You look beautiful, Maddie. You're going to make a stunning bride."

Maddie turned and smiled. "Thank you, Mac. For everything, really. I don't know how I would get through this without you. Hell, I would never even have met Ben if it weren't for you."

Mac shrugged and adjusted her green sundress in the massive mirror. "You never know. You could have run into him at a bar or a museum or something." She shrugged. "It would have happened somehow, someway."

Maddie frowned and moved her hands over her waist. She wasn't as much of a romantic as Mac was; she didn't necessarily believe in destiny, or that two people were meant for one another. She loved Ben, and knew they'd have a long and incredibly happy life together, but she also knew that she could have just as easily fallen for someone else. "You think that you and Harm were destined to be together?"

She blushed, and ran her fingers through her hair; gathering it into a high ponytail. "Yeah, I do. I know you're a scientist and don't really believe in that kind of thing." Mac studied looked at Maddie in the mirror and shrugged. "I don't know if I really did either before I met Harm."

"What about him makes you believe that he's the only man out there for you?"

She let out a breath and returned to the sofa. "I can't really describe it. I just know. I feel it." She watched Maddie's reflection and noticed she was staring at her engagement ring, and suddenly felt uncomfortable with the conversation. Was she having second thoughts about marrying Ben? Was there someone else?

"Maddie? Is everything okay?"

She turned, and carefully set on the armrest of the sofa. "Do you think it's bad that I don't feel that for Ben?"

"No." Mac took her hand and squeezed. "I believe in that kind of thing and you don't. It's not a bad thing, sweetie." Maddie let out a breath, and Mac smiled. "Besides; Harm and I have nearly died together at least five times, so I tend to think we have a connection a little bit beyond what's normal."

Maddie thought about how Harm claimed to always know where Mac was and smiled. "Yeah, definitely beyond normal."

Mac smiled and squeezed her hand again. "Do you love Ben?"

She nodded, and tears filled her eyes. "Yeah. I do. He's wonderful, and I'm so happy with him."

"Then I think you're good. I can't imagine anything else is nearly as important as that."

The Next Night…

The music was loud, the drinks were overpriced, the college-aged women were more aggressive than he was used to, and as Harm gently tried to discretely push away a buxom blonde who screamed over the too loud music that her name was Ashley, all he could think was that he was much too old for this. And even though there were no strippers, just scantily clad vacationers, he had been right – none of these young women could hold a candle to Mac.

He looked up as Ben slid onto the barstool next to him and gestured for another beer. He smiled at the bartender and then took a long swig before glancing at Harm. "Having fun?"

"Are you?"

Ben winced and drank more of his beer. "I should have known better than to let my brother arrange this." He spun on the barstool and watched his much younger half-brother, Evan, and two of his other friends dance with a very loud and very drunk group of women. He sighed, and turned back to Harm. "I'm sorry about this."

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it. The last bachelor party I went to ended up with all of us in jail. This is fine." Ben smiled and Harm sipped his scotch. "Today was a lot of fun. I haven't been to a golf course in ages."

"Yeah, that was good. And the beach afterward was nice." He scanned the club again and shook his head. "This is just uncomfortable though. Most of the people in here are my students ages."

Harm snorted and shook his head. "I think we're technically old enough to be their fathers. At least to that group over there." He tilted his head towards a group celebrating someone's 18th birthday. Ben winced, and Harm smiled.

"I feel like I should be having fun," Ben went on. "I mean, I'm here, the women are interested, and I feel like seventeen-year-old Ben would be livid right now that I'm wasting this night by sitting on a bar stool and thinking about my fiancée."

"Seventeen-year-old Ben didn't have a woman like Maddie." Ben smiled and Harm signaled to the bartender. "I think he would understand." He smiled as the bartender poured another glass of scotch, and then turned back to his friend. "But I get it. If I were single, and much younger, I would have probably already gone home with someone."

"Are you tempted? Even a little bit."

He shook his head. "Absolutely not." Ben didn't say anything, and Harm's eyes widened. "Are you?"

He wrapped his hands around the bottle and stared down at it. "I'm not; not really. I just feel like I should be. This is my last night of freedom, you know." He turned and watched a woman in very short shorts and a pink cropped tank top dance with her friend. He turned back to Harm and shrugged lightly. "I don't even know what I'm saying."

Harm pushed his glass away and stood. "I need some air." He gestured for the bartender and asked to close out his tab. He handed over a credit card, and then signed the slip before downing the rest of his drink and heading outside.

Being outside instantly improved his mood. It was warm and muggy, but there was a nice breeze coming from the ocean. For as long as he had been in the south, he had enjoyed nights that felt like this. The Outer Banks was a nice spot, but it wasn't as developed as other southern beaches. There was no boardwalk to walk down, like in Virginia Beach or Ocean City. Just miles and miles of relatively undeveloped ocean front. So, he kicked off his shoes, rolled up his pants, and made his way onto the sand.

He walked for a while, lost in his own thoughts. He was frustrated with this whole evening, and was ready to be back at the house. This night had turned into exactly what he had been dreading. He pulled out his phone to text Ben; to tell him that he was making his way back to the house, and he saw that he had a text from him.

Back at the house (alone). Everyone else is still at the bar.

Harm sighed with relief and continued the walk home. Ben was alone on the deck when he got there, and Harm dropped his shoes on the deck and settled into the chair next to him.

"I danced with the girl in that pink tank top." He took a sip of his beer and closed his eyes. "She was… She was willing."

Harm wanted to scream at his friend, but said nothing.

"I bought her a drink, and we danced again. And then she…" He trailed off and shook his head. Harm didn't need to hear the details, and Ben didn't want to say it out loud. He didn't want to say that she had buried her face in his neck and whispered what she wanted him to do to her. "She wanted to go back to her place."

"Well, since you're sitting here with me, I'm guessing that you didn't."

"I didn't," Ben confirmed.

They both fell silent again, and the only sound was the sound of crashing waves. Finally, Harm asked the next question. "Did you want to?"

Ben let out a breath and leaned back. "Do you ever feel like blowing up your own life?" He glanced over and saw a puzzled expression on Harm's face. "I guess not." He shrugged and looked up at the sky. "Lately I've felt like things are too good, you know? I'm so happy with everything, especially with Maddie. And I look at her – this beautiful, intelligent, incredible woman and I don't feel like I'm going to be enough. Like one day she's going to wake up and realize she could be with someone smarter or more successful, and she'll leave." He swallowed hard and closed his eyes. "I was a wreck when Kristen left. If Maddie left, I really don't think I'd survive it."

"So, you're subconsciously trying to ruin things yourself to make it hurt less if she leaves one day?"

"You sound like my old therapist," Ben said with a groan.

Harm smiled and looked up at the stars. "Maybe you should go see someone again." He looked at his friend and sighed. "There's a flaw in your logic though. If you had gone home with pink tank top, you would have had to tell Maddie what you had done, and it would have crushed her."

"I know," he said softly.

"If you don't want to get married; if you don't want to risk having it end someday, then be a man and end it yourself. But take it from me. If you cheat, the guilt will consume you." Harm thought back to that night at McMurphy's, and winced. "Mac is the love of my life; she's my soul mate. But I still feel guilty about what happened that night at McMurphy's while I was still with Jordan."

"I do want to get married. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I just wish there was some guarantee."

The Next Afternoon…

"You seem subdued," Mac commented as she slid into the passenger seat. "Everything okay?"

Harm backed the SUV out of the parking lot. "Yeah, everything is good. Yesterday was just a long day and I'm exhausted." He could feel her eyes on him and sighed softly. "Do you still worry about the future?"

"Our future?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I know for a while you worried we wouldn't last. Do you still worry about that?"

She thought for a minute and shook her head. "No, not anymore." She chewed on her lower lip for a moment and then smiled softly. "Not for a while, now that I think about it." He didn't say anything and she frowned. "Why, do you?"

"No. I never worry about us." He reached over and gave her knee a gentle squeeze. "Ben is worried about the future. He's afraid of Maddie hurting him as badly as his ex did."

"She won't," Mac said, almost defensively. "She loves him."

"Oh, I know that. And he loves her. He's just afraid. I realized last night that I was the wrong person to give him advice, because I've never really been hurt like that. I've never had someone I love just come home one day and tell me they don't want to be with me anymore."

"It isn't a good feeling," she said softly.

He let out a breath and glanced at her. "Are you thinking about your mom?"

"Yeah." She looked out the window and then down at her hands. "I know it's not the same…"

"No, it's worse." He reached for her hand, and curled his fingers around hers. "Your ability to love in spite of that just amazes me."

She nodded and turned back to the window. "Do you think I'll know," she asked after a few minutes.

"Know what?"

She swallowed. "Know when she dies. Do you think anyone will call and tell me?"

He wanted to say yes. He wanted her to know, and to have that closure. But he couldn't say that, because he didn't know. He knew nothing about Deane MacKenzie. "I don't know, sweetheart," he said softly, and gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

End Part 18