Chapter 23

"You look pretty deep in thought - and from the look on your face, they don't seem to be very pretty." Jake offered her what she was sure he meant to be a charming grin. "Are you sure a little snack wouldn't help with that?" "I could bring you a plate and we can commiserate over egg rolls."

His eyes went to the wine bottle. "Or something stronger, if that's what you need."

Olivia found herself forcing a smile to her face and she deliberately ignored the self-invitation to a drink. "Thank you, but I'm still not that hungry right now. The truth is, it's been a long day and it's not even close to being over yet. My team and I still have a lot of work to do."

She half-hoped that Jake would take the hint and leave, but from his the look on his face, it was clear that she wasn't going to be that lucky.

Instead - again, uninvited - Jake made himself comfortable on her couch. "I couldn't help but notice you're taking an interest in the Caldwell clan, what with the pics on your rogues gallery wall and the appearance of the younger son and company. I could help you with that if you want."

"While I appreciate the offer, I don't think that's a good idea, Jake." Olivia said.

"Really?"

"Really." Olivia found herself pretty insistent about that. "I don't need you compromising your position."

Olivia watched as his expression shifted, going from confident to puzzled to something almost petulant even as a flash of irritation came and went in his eyes.

"Compromise?"

"Compromise." Olivia stated. With everything else that's on her mind, this conversation was becoming an uncomfortable one and one she didn't need right now. She reacted by standing up and beginning to pace as her mind started sorting her feelings out. Her gut didn't want him anywhere near this investigation and compromising their relationship with the White House is only one reason why.

"It's one thing for me and my people to ferret out dirty little secrets and decide what to do with them - that's what we're hired to do. It's a whole different scenario for an active naval intelligence officer - one who's been known to report directly to the president to do the same."

"It's not known -" Jake started to object.

Olivia didn't let him finish." - we know it, Jake - and if we know it, then there's no telling who else does - and that makes you compromised."

"And if I don't agree?" Jake asked. "Just hypothetically…"

"It doesn't matter." She told him as she stopped pacing and came to stand in front of him. "We deal in secrets - but this a secret that we don't need. Hypothetically…these are the kind of secret scandals like Watergate are made from - and we can't - and I won't - take the chance of compromising this administration in any way, shape or form - no matter how well meaning the circumstances might be."

Secrets, Olivia thought. Once again she was reminded how they can be lethal to relationships both personal and impersonal and her own words brought that home to her even as they left her lips.

As if to underscore her thoughts, Harrison's words played themselves inside her head. "This is some 'til death do us part ish."

As if the thought of him had called him, suddenly Harrison was there, knocking once before poking his head through the door. "Break time's just about up, Liv. You ready?"

"I'm good." Olivia said, grateful for the interruption. "I'll be out in a minute."

She gestured to Jake to precede her out the door, pretending not to see the disagreement and disappointment still lurking in his eyes.

As they re-entered the conference room, the team had just finished packing up the leftovers. Olivia noted that there were a few new notes on their glass wall and Abby was scribbling something on the last one.

She turned as Olivia and Jake walked back into the conference room. "Thanks for the meal, Mr. Military Man."

Abby gestured at the wall with a grin. "You want in on the Caldwell pool?"

"No thanks." His voice was sharp enough that it brought everyone's attention to him. "I'm sure it's open to OPA members only - and I just got reminded that I'm not one of the team."

Before anyone could find an answer to that, Jake slammed his way out of the office. There was a little benumbed silence in his wake.

Harrison was the first to break it. "What the hell was that all about?"

"Well..." Abby said with a shrug. "I thought it was just me, but hasn't he been a little bitch since his girlfriend went on her extended vacation?"

Just then, Quinn walked back in; from her timing, it was clear that she'd stepped off the elevator just in time to hear the exchange between Jake and Abby. "Maybe the vacation was from him."

They all looked at her with different levels of curiosity; after all, everyone knew that Jake was involved with Shireen Davis, a cyber-tech from the Pentagon - and that she had also been their last client.

Huck looked up from his laptop. "None of our business." He knew better than any of them that Quinn had never been keen about Jake, even though he'd proven himself an asset on their last case.

What they didn't know was that she had admitted to Huck privately, that she hadn't had anything to base it on - but still, Jake just rubbed her the wrong way sometimes. On the other hand, Shireen's cyber-skills had led to several tech tutorials between she and Quinn, who'd been awed at her expertise from the start, and with them being close in age, their collaboration had led quickly to them becoming friends.

Considering Quinn's past and the role she'd played in it, Olivia had been pleased to see them forming that friendship, but now she found herself wondering what Quinn knew that she didn't.

"I wouldn't be surprised-" Quinn started to say.

"None of our business." Huck's quiet tone only underscored the intensity of his words.

"I could always call Shireen and ask…" It was clear that Quinn wasn't quite ready to let it go.

"Whatever is happening - if anything is happening - we need to mind our business and not theirs." He lifted his eyes to hers and stared at Quinn.

"So you say." Quinn's tone made it clear that this was a conversation the two of them had had before - and she hadn't agreed with him then or now.

"Yeah, I do."

"I get it, Huck." Quinn snapped in exasperation. "It's just that - that considering the work she's done with us and for us, Shireen is like an unofficial Gladiator - forgive me if I'd rather look out for her than for him -"

"- and you've never cared for Jake -"

"With reason-"

"Let it alone for now -"

Quinn gave a sigh, one filled with more than exasperation, it was equally weighed down with suspicion - and none of it was missed by anyone else. "Fine."

Olivia heard what Quinn said - but did she mean it?

"Let's keep our heads in the game, people." She said, trusting Huck's word enough to let things alone for now. But those were words easier said than done; they only led to a vague sense of unease that kept returning to tickle and tease at the edges of her thoughts as they worked, worsened by the fact that she couldn't pinpoint the reason why. It all kept distracting her from the conversations that began again around her and made the time drag by.

Olivia found herself surprised to find it was a little after midnight by the time they were all ready to call it a night, even though they all knew that what they'd done was little more than preliminary groundwork. She supposed it was because she'd let them know about the conversation she'd had with Will and Gayle; in the end they'd all agreed that she really wouldn't know anything concrete unless and until she agreed to meet with the Caldwells and speak with them face to face.

"I think Harrison and I will make the trip." Olivia decided. "Everyone else, carry on and see if there's anything else we can find out before or during the trip - and with that decided, let's call it a night."

Olivia retreated to her office, but the quiet that she'd sought turned out to be no help at all. Her earlier thoughts came back to nag at her until she found herself pacing the confines of her office space again and again, but found no peace of mind.

The knock startled her so much that she very nearly jumped. A quick glance told her that Quinn and Abby had left, and it was Harrison and Huck at her door.

"What is it?" her voice was sharp and inwardly Olivia almost regretted it, but there were other matters on her mind and as far as she was concerned, they were personal.

"We just wanted to check in on you." Harrison said.

Before he could continue, Huck spoke up and as usual, he went straight to the point. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Olivia heard the lie in her own words and as the words left her lips she knew that they did too. "I'm fine, just tired."

She walked over to her desk, giving her the excuse she needed to turn her back to them.

"No, you're not." Huck said.

Tears stung her eyes as she heard Harrison agree, in spite of - or maybe because of the warmth and care in his voice. "No, you're not. You know it, Huck knows it and I know it. What we want to know is what can we do about it?"

"Nothing." Olivia managed to get the lone word out past her suddenly tightened throat. She closed her eyes against the feeling that was taking over her; it was like there was two of her inhabiting the same space in her body and mind. There she was, answering Huck and Harrison, trying to reassure them -and herself - that she was fine, that she was just tired - that this was just the result of a very long day.

And then there was the other her, caught in the repeat of a dream she'd thought she'd buried long ago - snippets of it ran through her mind in bright disjointed flashes - and then the hated voice from this morning was back in her head again

- if I've taught you one thing - it's that you keep your true self to your own self - to do anything else is a weakness - and you WILL NOT BE WEAK!"

The words boom inside her skull, triggering a fierce headache. Olivia gripped the edge of her desk, letting its cool, polished solidness ground her back in the here and now. She turned back to both men, drawing in a deep breath.

"I'm just tired." She lied again; inside she was shaking like a leaf in a storm, but she can do this - she's done it time and time again - she's had years of practice - she can hold it together until she's safe behind her own closed doors and she can drown any voices - all the voices - in glass after glass of sweet red, red wine.

She drags another deep breath into her lungs and with it, Olivia found the last shreds of her will and wove them together long enough to slam the door shut on the roiling turmoil inside her. It was imperative that all Harrison and Huck saw was her outer weariness that was suddenly very, very real.

Olivia lets a little of that tiredness show now, leaning against the desk. "I promise to go home right now, where I'll take a hot shower, maybe unwind with a little more wine and then I promise to be a good girl and go straight to bed to get some obviously much-needed sleep."

And maybe with enough wine - just maybe - she could even make her words come true.

a/n: Our Olivia still has her issues, but I think she just might be ready to learn from her mistakes. At least this is what my muse is telling me, since she threw a curve in where once again I wasn't expecting it. And she's not going to make it easy for Olivia either. My muse, she do love the drama... but I ain't mad at her for it.