Are You Happy Now?
Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.
Chapter Two
Before Jacob had a chance to respond to Bella's question, the front door flew open and Charlie stormed out of the house. He was red in the face and clearly furious. As he passed Jacob, he gave him a scathing glance. Jacob recoiled a little at the hostility coming from Charlie. He stepped out of the angry police chief's way and hung his head.
"Too right you should be ashamed. You and your old man." Charlie berated him. "Come on, Bells, we're leaving. We won't stay where we're not welcome."
More tears leaked out of Bella's eyes as she cast one more anguished look in Jacob's direction before clambering back into the cruiser and closing the door. Charlie went around the other side and climbed behind the steering wheel. He turned on the engine and slammed the cruiser into reverse, the rear tires spraying up mud when he changed direction and drove off at high speed.
Devastation crossed Jacob's face as he watched them go. He actually took a few stumbling steps forward as if to follow them, but figures in the distance caught his eye, immediately stopping his forward momentum. Approaching was Sam Uley and with him were four others: all tall and russet skinned, black hair chopped short just like his own. From a distance they could have been mistaken for brothers, so similarly did the move and look.
Sam came up to him first, his face was serene and sure unlike the others. Jacob swallowed back the bile in his throat as he confronted the older guy. "Are you happy now, Sam?" He threw the same question at Uley as Bella had thrown at him. "You got what you wanted. She's gone."
Without giving Sam a chance to respond, Jacob took off at fast sprint for the trees. He felt like every atom in his body was splitting apart, every limb was visibly shaking. He hated it. Hated what was happening to him. His life had been torn apart and there was nothing he could do to stop it happening. None of the others followed him as he burst out of his skin and disappeared into the forest.
By the time Charlie and Bella reached Forks, the rain had picked up again, and so did the wind. The drops no longer fell from above but slanted at an angle from the west. The rain droplets mixed with Bella's salty tears, they dribbled down her face, finding the way to the corners of her mouth. She was no longer able to hide her misery from Charlie. She felt his hand on her shoulder in solidarity as they left the cruiser parked in the drive and took a slow walk toward the house. He seemed to understand her pain. In a way he had lost his friend just like she had. She didn't think he would ever forgive Billy this time.
Charlie opened the door for Bella and let her go inside first. Flipping on all the lights, he took a good look at her face. Bella didn't miss the horrified recognition in his expression as he saw the true state of her. All Bella knew was that she felt empty and dead inside and guessed it must be reflected on her face.
"Bells, talk to me." Charlie pleaded.
"I'm not going back into a zombie state again." Bella muttered. "You don't need to worry."
"I will damn well worry." Charlie helped her out of her rain jacket before putting his arm around her. "You're not alone, Bells. I'm here. Let your old man look after you."
Bella settled gratefully on the sofa as Charlie pulled the Afghan blanket off the back of the recliner and wrapped it around her shoulders. Even with the extra warmth, it did little to stop Bella shivering.
"I'll make us both some hot soup." Charlie offered.
"I'm not h- "
"Bells, what did I just say? I will not let you sink back into depression again. Do you hear me? I'm going to make the soup and you are going to eat it." Charlie cut in with a determined frown.
Bella couldn't fight him. She was too weak. Too upset. So, she curled up on the sofa by pulling her legs underneath her and nodded her agreement. Appeased, Charlie left and headed to the kitchen.
There's a kind of tired that needs a good night's sleep, and another that needs so much more. For Bella, one had become the other, starting out as the "one night kind" until one day it was ever present - like it once was a heavy jacket but became heavy bones. It was then she knew that being tired could be a wearing of the emotions too, that it can come together with a tired body, and become an ingrained part of a life that isn't lived, but survived, endured. She wasn't born for that.
For the rest of the day Bella let Charlie take care of her. She ate the soup he gave her, and in truth it did make her feel a little better. They sat together and watched old comedies. It may not have taken her pain away from Jacob's rejection but it did stop her brain from going around endlessly in circles wondering why.
By the time she was ready for bed she was so tired that she knew she would go straight to sleep despite her aching unhappiness. Before she headed for her room, she gave Charlie a rare hug. He returned it, reminding her that he was there and always ready to listen.
"Thanks, Dad." Bella whispered as she felt him kiss the top of her head. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight, kiddo." Charlie gave her a small smile. He was more relaxed now that she seemed to be taking his advice and not falling into the same uncommunicative depressive state she had when Edward left.
Bella woke suddenly, her every thought in high definition. She felt her heart palpitating wildly in her chest. It was so dark, she couldn't see. Fumbling for her lamp, she switched it on, the pool of light revealing nothing unusual in her room. She half closed her eyes wearily, getting ready to settle down again, when she heard the noise that must have awakened her in the first place.
Something sharp scraped along length of her windowsill with a high-pitched squeal, like fingernails against the glass. It happened again and again and Bella began to panic. She practically fell out of her bed, her heart thumping so wildly with fear she worried she might have a heart attack. She finally managed to reach the window, and upon looking out, she found none other than Jacob Black balanced precariously on the spruce growing outside her bedroom window.
"Bella." Jacob hissed when he noticed her staring. "Open the freaking window."
Bella instinctively shoved the glass out of the way. "What are you doing, idiot?" She accused. "I nearly died thinking someone was breaking in."
The thin branches of the tip of the spruce scraped against the window again with a grating squeal. So that was the noise. Jacob got a determined look on his face as he swung his legs and catapulted himself through the window with ease. He landed on his feet with a dull thud and broke into a relieved grin.
"That was harder than I thought."
"You idiot. You could have been killed." Bella smacked him on the chest, wincing as she felt the vibrations running through her tendons. "Damn." She complained, shaking and then stretching her fingers. It was only then she became aware she had hit hard muscle. Jacob was wearing nothing but a pair of cut off denim shorts. His upper torso was bare.
"Did you forget to get dressed before breaking into my room and scaring me half to death?" Bella hissed through clenched teeth.
"Oh." Jacob just shrugged. "To tell you the truth I'm not really thinking at all." He frowned, glancing out of the window uneasily as if checking for something.
"That is plainly obvious." Bella felt her anger building. She had cried herself to sleep over this boy. His harsh rejection had punched a painful new hole in her heart. "Just get out, Jacob. I have nothing to say to you."
Jacob's expression turned grave. "You have every right to be pissed, Bells. But I'm not leaving."
"You will be when I wake Charlie." Bella threatened.
"We both know you're not going to do that." Jacob replied with certainty. "Look I came here to apologise."
"I don't accept."
"Too bad."
Bella tried to shove him back out the window-he didn't budge an inch. She dropped her hands quickly. His skin was burning hot, like he had a fever. He didn't look sick, he looked huge, vital and alive.
"Jacob, I'm done with you. Don't you get it?"
"Don't say that." Jacob pleaded. He caught hold of her upper arms and walked her back to her bed, gently pushing her down so she was sitting on the edge of the mattress. "I'm sorry."
"Okay, you're sorry. Now go."
Jacob sighed and sat down beside her. The mattress dipped alarmingly. Bella almost toppled off the end. "I came here to explain-" He stopped speaking, almost as if his airwaves had been cut off. He clenched his fists in his lap and uttered a few curses. "But I can't."
Bella laughed bitterly. "That's it? Get out of here, Jacob."
"No." Jacob put his head in his hands and groaned in defeat. "This is awful. I hate this, Bells. I hate that I hurt you. I didn't want to do it. But I was given no choice. Even now it's hard for me to be here, but I'm trying."
"I don't understand." Bella replied helplessly. Her anger was beginning to drain away, he looked totally beaten, as if he was at the end of his tether.
Jacob raised his head again and gazed at her, stricken. "Bells, things are happening to me…. have happened that….so many changes…I'm afraid you'll be afraid."
His misery was getting to her. Bella put a tentative hand on his shoulder. He immediately reached up and covered her hand with his own. The palm of his hand was hot, but not in an unpleasant way. The heat was quite soothing. She let her hand remain in his.
"Jake, I'd never be afraid of you. Never." Bella pleaded. "You can confide in me. Whatever it is, I won't judge."
"I wish I could say." Jacob stopped short as if he was experiencing the same choking sensation as before. "Dammit, this is not fair." He protested.
Bella felt perplexed. "I want to help, but if you can't tell me…." She tailed off, waiting for him to continue.
"Have you ever had a secret, Bells? Something you couldn't tell Charlie, or your mom? Or me? Not even now?"
Bella stiffened. She remained silent, continuing to wait.
"Can you understand that I might have the same kid of…situation?" Jacob's eyes were begging for understanding. "Sometimes loyalty gets in the way of what you want to do."
"So, you can't tell?" Bella said slowly.
Jacob shook his head.
"Can you show me?" Bella suggested instead.
Jacob stared at her incredulously "Show you?" He murmured. "They only said I couldn't tell you….so…maybe…. It's risky." He was talking to himself now. "What if something went wrong and I accidentally hurt you. I could never forgive myself."
Bella released her hands from his and twisted to face him fully. She placed her hands on either side of his face instead. "Jake, you would never hurt me. I know that. You know that."
"I hurt you today." Jacob whispered regretfully.
"That's different." Bella was dismissive now. "You have a reason. And you are about to show me that reason. Aren't you?" She held her breath as she looked deep into his eyes and waited for his answer.
A/N-thanks for reading!