a/n: Sorry for the delay, dear readers. RL and health issues are back at it. Apologies to all, and let's get to it...
EPISODE 11: Q And A
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
The grin that spread across Fitz's face made it easy for Olivia to guess at the direction of his thoughts. It makes her smile even as she shakes her head at him. This was the man that no one but her got to see, the one that brought out the smiles in her like no one else ever had or ever would.
"Do you want some help?" she asks with a mischievousness in her voice, already knowing how he'll answer.
"I don't know - I know you can pop popcorn, but I'm wondering if toast is within your pay grade. Are you sure you can handle it?" Now both of them were playing the same game. His question was probably corny and probably the lamest thing Olivia had heard in a very long time, but that was all right. Right now, everything is all right.
"Cute, mister." Olivia gave him a look that he returned. It held for a moment before his smile broke out across his face again and the look on his face made her laugh and Fitz swore to himself that he'd make all the corny, dumb jokes that he needs to if that will keep *that* smile on her face along with the sound of her laughter in the air between them.
"I think I can handle the toast - but I know I can handle the jam, if you just point me to it." She filled her voice with deliberate sass, just to make him smile again, and it does.
Fitz directs Olivia to the pantry and as she passes by him, he takes the opportunity to slip his arm around her waist. She laughed again as he pulled her to him and buried his face in her hair, inhaling her as he pressed a quick kiss to the back of her neck. "Are you sure that's not too much for you?"
Olivia closed her eyes as Fitz's lips grazed her skin. His touch made her happy enough to smile once again. "I'm sure."
As his arm tightened around her, she murmured his name in a soft protest. "Fitz…"
Because if he were thinking what she was thinking, about jam, that meant thoughts of a sweet stickiness were in both of their minds and if they weren't careful, they'd end up right back in bed. As nice as that sounded, they had other matters to tend to first. Olivia couldn't let herself forget that.
But on this quiet sunny morning, there was time for that. There was time for a long leisurely breakfast where they could take the time to concentrate on only them; time to share bites of food and to linger over mugs of tea - because Fitz had insisted on it; coffee was for busier times, for hectic mornings in the White House with details and deadlines and was a whole other lifetime away.
There was even time for the conversation that they'd begun last night. There's time for everything that needed saying today.
Olivia didn't bring up their earlier, more personal talk, so neither did Fitz. What she'd already shared was enough for a first step and he'd wait patiently for her to be ready to take on the next one.
So instead, the conversation drifted naturally to politics and the upcoming re-election, eventually, finding its way to the subject of the Caldwells and the informal open house at the start of the holiday season. It was common knowledge that the family alternated hosting between the family members' homes and Olivia pointed out that this was the first one that would be hosted by the youngest son, Will.
The way Olivia's explained it, it made sense to hold it at Will's this all, he was new to the national stage and this tailor-made to step up the spotlight. He already had Fitz's endorsement, which every knew since he'd given a fund-raiser speech back when he'd been running for governor.
"Why didn't he ask me earlier?" Fitz asked.
"He probably thought he'd be seen as presumptuous." Olivia said. "I'm betting the invitation isn't from him."
"If not Will, then who - Peter?"
Olivia thought about it for a moment, then shook her head. "If it were Peter, you would have received the invitation well before now. As you said, this was a last minute invitation. If I were to take a guess - I think it might be their father Nathaniel." The more she thought about it, the more her guts told her she was right.
"You've met him?" Fitz's expression made it clear that he agreed. What he knew about Nathaniel Caldwell was mostly second-hand, the man having retired from active politics before Fitz had become president. He was a contemporary of Big Gerry - and his father had called Nathaniel one "sick, sorry, self-serving pain in the ass."
"I have." A smile tugged at her lips. "He's…eccentric. Has interests fromCanada to South America and all points in between."
"Eccentric is the definition of crazy, but with money." Fitz said with a grin. Hell, now he couldn't wait to meet him.
"The diagnosis is still out on that one." Olivia said. "I'd say that he's crazy like a fox, at the very least but that hasn't stopped the rest of the clan from expanding their brand and influence - or from him wielding his political influence from behind the scenes. Their political game is both brilliant and well underplayed - which is why it's brilliant."
"And no doubt you had a hand in that."
"No doubt." For a moment, Olivia pretended an attempt to look humble, but purposefully failing, shot him a grin of her own.
"So Peter's cowboy antics were politically crafted?"
"Peter's cowboy antics were tailored to his personality." Olivia said. "Turning a potential problem into an asset."
"And what about his little brother? Is he going to be an asset to the party?"
Olivia tossed the question back at him. "You spoke up for him - so what do you think?"
Fitz recognized what she was doing; she wanted him to consider all sides without her input before making up his mind. He thought about it as he finished the last of his tea - tea instead of his normal coffee, because this time was all about what was best for Olivia and not him. He decided to have another cup, lifting his mug in silent question to Olivia, asking if she wanted more.
She smiled and shook her head at the bright sunny-yellow over-sized mug adorned with birds in her hands and looked to his own, a purple sky and stars. She knew without asking that these were Karen and Gerry's work. It made everything that much more perfect this morning, another sweet touch of normal that set her mind and heart at ease. She could sit in the sun and pretend that this was their normal…
Fitz answered her question as he walked back into the kitchen and began to refill his mug. "Will seems solid and smart enough. He checks off on all the requirements for a candidate, bright, young, seemingly energetic and compassionate conservative - he even has that Cinderella romance going for him. What's not to love about him? Or are there any little dirty secrets that I don't know about?"
Olivia couldn't answer him at first. She knew that Fitz was asking something else other than what was in her mind. He couldn't know how much she was being reminded of the last conversation she and Will had had and more importantly the memory of he and his fiancee and the emotional bonds between them.
Will's story wasn't hers to tell. But now she was in a position where she had to weigh client confidentiality against information that Fitz might need; that made Olivia uncomfortable for reasons she wasn't ready to quite ready to put into words and to force her mind to stay on track, she stood up and began clearing the table before following Fitz into the kitchen.
She kept her focus on the politics of the moment. It was easier, somehow. "I agree, politically, he's almost a perfect poster boy for the party. I'm sure that's another reason the family event is being held at his estate in North Carolina this year."
Fitz was silent for a moment. He'd noticed the brief change in Olivia's expression and guessed correctly at the reasons why, but at the same time he wondered if that was it was all that it was - or if there was something more to it because something indefinable in him was telling him that it was.
His gut was telling him something, but Fitz was reluctant to press her - at least not right now. She looked so happy - content was a better word. Content with the idea that this was their normal…
So instead of asking questions that would only serve to take the peacefulness of the morning away, he joined her in clearing the cups and dishes away, wanting nothing more than to keep this slice of happy domestic normal while he shared his thoughts on the Caldwells.
Fitz had actually attended one of the Caldwell's events back when he had first been running for governor. Unfortunately, Big Gerry had gone as well, so his memories were less than great. But there had been some things that he had remembered and he shared them with her.
"One thing I noted was that it was very laid-back event - there were grills and smokers - real food as in steaks and burgers - and football and volleyball setups on the lawns - that kind of thing. The Caldwells know a lot of people that work in a lot of fields; I thought it was a great idea how they managed to gather together people who might not normally mix with one another."
They'd even invited a certain amount of media - and here Fitz was reminded of Susan's words again about keeping the media away - "…giving them a low-key presence. I thought it was smart as hell, but Big Gerry of course thought that choice in particular was idiotic."
"Is that why you didn't implement it during your years as governor?"
"Are you kidding? Of course my father thought we Grants were above such things - never mind that the Caldwells are old-school money and we were definitely new money. Mellie - of course - sided with him and even after dear old dad had died" - he couldn't help the tinge of bitterness that underlaid his words - "she thought it was absolutely undignified and wanted no part of it."
Fitz sighed, hating the fact that he had caved so easily to the both of them. It was just that there had been times when it had been easier to just go along, rather than fight…
Olivia watched him, guessing at the direction of his thoughts. She moved closer to him and placed a comforting hand on his arm. "Fitz, you were just doing what you thought was right at the time, what was right for everyone else beside yourself. There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep peace in your home - especially since the kids were involved. You had Mellie and your father double-teaming you -"
She was right, but the memories still left an ugly taste in his mouth. "And I let them basically bully me into doing what they wanted, because it was my default mode when it came to my father."
"Not at the end." Olivia reminded him. "Before he passed, your father saw you become your own man."
A brief smile graced his lips in appreciation of her comforting words. He let one hand came up to cover hers in a warm caress before he turned away and began wiping down the nearest counters.
Olivia let him have his silence and it was few moments before he spoke again. "My father had an unhealthy distrust of the press. Then again, anything he couldn't control, he didn't trust."
"I've heard stories about the clashes between them." Olivia said. "I'm sure learning that he couldn't control Nathaniel Caldwell didn't sit well with him."
"Stop trying to cheer me up." Fitz deliberately pushed the sour echo of his father out of his mind and as he did, a fresh idea took its place.
"I wonder if we could adapt something like that to the White House?" Olivia mused aloud.
Fitz turned back towards her and as their eyes met, they realized that once again their thoughts were in sync.
"I think something like that has always been in the back of my mind to do something along those lines, I could just never find the time or opportunity."
Fitz paused. "Not that Mellie ever changed her mind - but it was hard on her too back then. There was the burden of being a political wife and mother and with the kids being so little, it seemed like such a little thing to give up in comparison…"
Olivia knew without it having to be said that for Fitz it had been one more time when he'd given in, given up his own desires to keep the peace for those around him.
An overwhelming desire to make Fitz smile rose up inside her. Olivia gave him a tiny teasing smile. "So… I'm guessing the whole open cookout didn't exactly go with the pearls?"
"Total clash."
"Why am I not surprised?"
The joined laughter that followed moved them easily into one another's arms.
"Luckily for us both, I've never been all that much into them." Olivia tilted her gaze up at him, adoring the warmth in his eyes as he gazed down at her.
"Really? What woman doesn't like pearls?"
"I never said that I didn't like pearls - I've just never really had a reason - or the time - to invest in them." Olivia had never really given that fact much thought in the past, but looking up at Fitz, her eyes saw what he was thinking.
First Ladies always wore pearls.
He wouldn't say the words, knowing her the way he did, knowing what she'd just been through and knowing he'd never ever press her but his eyes said what his lips would not and his the love in his gaze filled what little space was left between them.
Once again, Olivia read his thoughts and in a fresh moment of clarity, she also sees him through a different prism. A swift moving kaleidoscope of memories pour through her, made up of echoes of words spoken and images from the past through which she sees a side of him that he's kept hidden from everyone around him - even her. In it she saw a different side of him that she realized that Fitz had kept mostly from everyone - including her - the hurt of why he could never earn his father's love, how much hurt he'd blamed himself for the reason why Mellie had turned into the woman she'd become -he'd even taken on the burden of their relationship, the part where he'd made promises that it turned out he couldn't keep. Promises that had sent her running and kept them apart time after time again. But in all that time, he'd never stopped loving her.
Focusing on that fact gave her the bravery to ask a question that had long lingered at the back of her mind. "Fitz - can I ask you something?"
"Of course, Livvie - you know that you can ask me anything."
"How do you do it?"
"Do what?"
"How do you love so easily - so completely - the way that you do?"