The sword was like an extension of him, he was so used to having it in his hand. Even when the sweat would drip down his arm, his grip never faltered, never slipped. The dummy in front of him was already in bits, he needed to practice. He did not want to do it earlier in front of her. He knew this made him look like a monster. He couldn't face the way her eyes would light up in fear.
She's going to have to watch me kill people. The demolition of this dummy pales in comparison.
He shook off the nausea this thought rose in his stomach and continued his practiced swings. He wished he had chosen an easier weapon to watch. Something about a sword was so violent, so invasive.
It literally stabs people, of course it's fucking invasive.
Why couldn't he stand the thought of her watching? Why did he hate the way he felt her eyes on him during training today? She already knew that he didn't particularly enjoy violence, that he wasn't the monster the Academy tried to create. But then he remembered the way she looked at Clove, the fear on her face. He remembered the way she accused him of wanting to slaughter Rue.
No, she can't see this yet. Not until she knows me better.
The dummy in front of him was just a stand now. He placed the sword back on the rack and used his hand to wipe the sweat off his face. He still hadn't decided if he was going to ditch the other Careers after he got what he needed from the Cornucopia, or after he had killed Clove. He knew the better option was to eliminate the biggest threat to Katniss before breaking the alliance, but he was so worried that she would die out there on her own. If Peeta didn't seem like he wouldn't hurt a fly, he would have no reserves about it. But he knew that in an alliance with Peeta and Rue, Katniss would be the protector. Nobody would be watching out for her.
Images flashed through his mind, Katniss being run down by mutts; Katniss screaming as Thresh threw her around, Katniss with cracked lips and dry eyes, dying of dehydration.
"No." he audibly said, surprising himself. He knew she could take care of herself, but the separation would nearly be the death of him. He'd be distracted, worrying about her.
Maybe he could get Thresh or someone to take down Clove in the bloodbath, and then Cato could still be in the alliance long enough to get supplies. He could either take out Glimmer and Marvel or just run and wait out the rest of the games.
Cato wondered if anyone would be bothered in his home district by his break from the Careers. Would they spit at the scream and call him pussy-whipped?
Probably, but they're not wrong. You are.
He walked back over to the next dummy, dusting chalk along his hands and gripping the sword in his hand again.
What would his mother think? All he could think about during the reaping was how disappointed she would be. She probably thought he had forgot. She probably watched him smile and wave at the Tribute Parade and shook her head in disappointment. What did she say to Alice? Did she point at the screen and say "That's your big brother. Don't be like him."
Oh, and there goes the left arm.
Did Alice cry? Was she scared of him? He wondered if she thought Katniss was pretty. Did she look up at her, her 12-year-old eyes filled with admiration? Would she fawn over the way her big brother watched out for the girl?
And the right leg.
Or maybe, once Cato ditched the Careers and met up with Katniss and Rue, she would be too focused on the way her big brother was nice to the little girl. Would she cry, wishing it was her he protected?
Bye-bye to the left leg.
What would his mother think of Katniss? He wondered if his mother would approve of the girl. Katniss was defiant, with no love for the Capitol. His mother was the same way, going as far as to instill good qualities in her children. His mother paid no mind to the fact that they lived in the most Capitol-loving district of all. Cato often wondered how his mother ended up that way. He didn't know very much about her childhood, or her relationship with his father. He barely even remembered his father, but knowing his current profession, he was definitely pro-Capitol.
Did the right arm just come off so hard that it hit the wall next to me? Yeah, there it goes.
He thought his mother would approve of Katniss. She would admire the girl's strength, her selflessness, her bravery. He wondered if his mother had raised Alice to be the kind of girl that Katniss was. He wondered if Katniss would raise her children like his mother did. What would they look like?
An image popped in his mind, a little girl with dark wavy hair like Katniss. Her skin would be the same rich olive tone, with little freckles across the nose. But, when the girl opened her eyes, bright icy blue irises looked up at him. The same blue eyes Cato saw in the mirror every day.
No, Katniss' children would not be his. He would be long dead, torn to pieces by mutts or dead by his own hand so she could go on. He would never be able to have a life with her. He had so little time to get to know her, he doubted she would ever look at him the same way he looked at her. Maybe after his death, she would look back and think she could have fallen in love with him. Maybe she would mourn the life they could have had the way he did. No, he would be long dead. Katniss would probably be too worried about going home to Prim and the boy from the reaping. Maybe that guy would be the one who took care of her. Maybe the little girl he pictured in his mind would have grey eyes. Not like Katniss, but like the boy from the reaping.
And off went the head.
"Well, you certainly know how to rip the shit out of a dummy." The voice that echoed through the training center wasn't one that he recognized. At least, he didn't recognize it without the slurring.
Leaning against a rack that held an array of axes was Haymitch Abernathy. The Victor of the Second Quarter Quell looked better than Cato had ever seen him, and without the haze of alcohol his eyes seemed to be lit with a renewed hope.
Katniss.
Cato didn't think he would ever see the man sober; let alone showered and well-dressed. It seemed that her flames had caught her mentor on fire as well.
"I like to think that all of my time at the Academy won't be for absolutely nothing." Cato responded to him.
Haymitch nodded at the man knowingly, and then motioned for Cato to follow him. He left the sword on the floor, feeling slightly bad that one of the attendants would have to clean up his mess. The man led him through the lobby, into narrow passageways, and eventually into an elevator.
"This is for the attendants, but they don't mind too much when we use them." The older man explained to him.
Cato knew to expect the wind when he stepped off the elevator onto the roof, but the cold air on his sweaty skin sent chills down his spine. He looked at the railing, remembering the way that she had leaned against it. He remembered the way it felt like there was an electric current running between them. Being around her was something he was quickly growing addicted to. He couldn't remember the last time he had been himself around someone.
Yes, you do. You were 7.
"So, what's all this about my tribute?" Haymitch turned to him.
Cato wasn't sure how to answer. Just as he had with Brutus, he felt so put on the spot by the question.
How can you explain your feelings when you don't even understand them?
"I'm not like the rest of the careers. I think this whole thing is absolutely fucking disgusting, not something to be proud of." He opted to change the subject, mostly, instead.
"Why volunteer then?" The older man cocked his head, "I know they select you guys to volunteer but… you have to ask to be considered, no?"
Cato nodded, "There's a whole process, yeah. Uh, my dad left when I was five to take a higher rank as a Peacekeeper in the Capitol. He abandoned me and my mom, who was pregnant at the time. We had no money, and got by on scraps for like two years after my sister was born. The Academy will send your family a stipend if you enroll your kid. It's enough to live off but my mom refused. She's not the biggest fan of the games or this place." Cato gestured around; he didn't understand why he was so nervous. "But things got too tight, I was starving. My sister was starving. I know my mom was nearly dead at that point. So, she really didn't have any other option. She couldn't work because my sister was too young for school still, and there wasn't anyone else to watch her. My mom took odd jobs here and there, but it just wasn't enough. I went to the Academy and promised her I wouldn't forget who she raised me to be. I didn't."
Haymitch was still listening intently, so he decided to continue. "If you're in the Academy and you don't go to the games; you only have one other option. You become a Peacekeeper, and you never see your family again. All the Peacekeepers in 2 are from the Capitol or 1, they do it to keep things fair. So, odds are you'll live out your days giving whippings to innocent people and watching over people being forced to do heavy labor for no pay. I figured either dying in the games or winning and being able to see my family again was the better option. I'm the best because all I ever wanted was to go home, and the only way I can do that is to win this bullshit."
The older victor took a moment, then asked "So then, what about Katniss?"
Just hearing her name made his heart start racing, "I watched the reaping tapes and just, I have no idea. Have you ever just been drawn to someone? It's not like one particular thing about her, it's just everything and nothing at the same time. She's just special. And she volunteered for her sister. My family hasn't seen me in years, at this point they won't really even miss me when I'm dead. But her family needs her to come home to survive. I just- I thought I would win and just figure out a way to live with myself afterwards. At least I could put my family up in a big house and take care of them. When I saw her, I just felt like if she died, and I lived; I wouldn't be able to recover from that. I wouldn't be able to live with myself." He breathed out. Everything he just said had been like finally breathing out after 10 years, and of all people, it was Haymitch Abernathy who was looking at him with understanding.
"Have you ever seen my games?" The older man asked.
"Yes, we have to study the past games in the Academy."
"Do you remember the district partner I had an alliance with? Maysilee?" When Haymitch said her name, he winced.
I know where this is going. He's living my nightmare.
Cato remembered the blonde girl. He remembered the way he had ran to the bathroom and thrown up after seeing her death. The way the colorful, freakish birds ripped apart her neck was brutal. He remembered watching the man in front of him run to her, gripping her hand as she died. Cato had only been 10. The beating he took for his reaction to the tapes was when he finally developed his skill at hiding his emotions.
"Yes." Was all he could say. It was as if someone was pounding across his cheekbones with the brass knuckles again.
"She and I were more than allies. We went to school together. We weren't even friends before the games but when we were reaped together, we talked a lot. I felt the same way about her by the time I stepped off the train in the Capitol. I told myself I would die in there happily if it meant she would live. Trust me, you're right. There's nothing you will ever do to recover from it."
"So, you're in?" Cato asked, hopeful.
The older man's somber tone broke through with a chuckle, "Yeah, I'll personally escort you to your death kid."
He laughed at that. Haymitch was a good man. Cato knew that nobody else would ever be able to understand what he needed to do the way this man would.
"What's all this about a bow?" Cato asked, remembering his curiosity from earlier.
"She's a killer shot. She started hunting when her father died, real sad shit. I knew all of the guys who died in that mine explosion. Ray made bows out of wood outside of the fence, taught Katniss when she was little. She trades her game all the time. I've never seen someone with a shot that good, not even in the games." Haymitch looked proud.
Well, there's your answer.
"I'm probably going to have to kill the girl from 1 for that bow. She's obsessed with trying to use it even if she's the worst shot I've ever seen." Cato snorted.
"Cashmere has been saying you are all over her tribute." The older man smirked at him.
"Yeah, I am sure she has. I wouldn't be shocked to find out that the girl was hiding up my ass right now. Lord knows she spent enough time up there today."
Haymitch laughed loudly at his words, looking over at the boy "You know, you're not bad." Cato laughed at his amusement while he took a deep breath, "Well, then you have a goal. You have to get that bow before you ditch the careers. In the meantime, introduce yourself to Rue. Katniss won't make an alliance without that girl, which honestly worries me."
"Me too." Cato agreed.
"I don't want to be the one to say this but unfortunately, I think we both know she won't last very long. I just don't want Katniss to lose it when she dies."
Cato nodded at his words, trying very hard to swallow the lump in his throat.
"I haven't spoken to Peeta about the alliance yet. I'm too busy trying to convince him not to admit his undying love for Katniss in his interview."
There's the green-eyed monster again. Don't be stupid. More protection for Katniss is welcome in any form.
"That will throw a wrench in my plans." Cato said.
"Agreed. I can sell you and Katniss. It's interesting enough that the sponsors will be all over it. They'd like a love triangle too, but I really don't need the gamemakers trying to get you and Peeta to battle it out for her hand." Haymitch rubbed his forehead in stress.
"Do you think he will go for the alliance?" Cato asked, remembering Katniss's story and the nightmares that followed. He had to give this kid the benefit of the doubt.
"I'll try. For your interview, you've got enough of a pretty boy act going on that Ceasar will ask about ladies. Be vague. Just say you have your eye on someone, refuse to say who. Just leave a crumb. Most people will assume you're talking about Glitter or Glitzen or whatever the hell her name is, just don't say anything more than you are interested in someone."
Cato nodded, he had to give it to the man. He was smart. Cato remembered how he won his games, using the gamemaker's arena edge to send the axe flying into the girl from 2. That battle was almost as bad as Maysilee's death.
"Ok, that's enough for now. Keep doing what you're doing." The man stood up, placing a hand on Cato's shoulder. "You're doing the right thing kid. Stay here, I am sure she will be up soon. If you want some advice, just tell her what you told me about your family. Trust me, she will get it."
Mint leaves and rotten apples.
"Thank you." Cato looked into his eyes. They were a lot like Katniss's but darker. There was more pain in them.
Haymitch nodded and walked away, stepping onto the attendant's elevator, and then he was gone.
Cato sat shell-shocked. He could barely believe he just said all of that out loud. He needed to process it all. Her mentor was on his side.