Happy Sunday. Some of your comments a nothing short of touching. WOW. Thank you. I like it that you enjoy this story. I love writing it. My aim was to write a story between the story and I want to continue with it as far as I can manage. I'm ahead of this portion by a fair bit and believe me, its hard in season two to figure out which way to send them on their journey. A lot of factors weigh in.

Chapter 43

Late at night, all was quiet in the Candela house.

Beckett restlessly wandered the apartment unable to settle in the strange house. She longed to be at home, in her recluse, settled on her favourite arm chair, with a glass of wine, a magazine or a novel to read. Even just to be in bed, snuggled beneath the blankets was appealing. She was hungry and thirsty. It had been a long day in which weariness had set in hours ago.

In search of a refreshment, she entered the kitchen. She was surprised to find Sorenson at the counter, pouring a cup of coffee. He seemed sombre, more so than normally. He had always been a quiet guy on the job, when they had dated but out of work, he'd been fun and active. He took his career as seriously as she did.

"Hey," she softly greeted.

"Hey, yourself. Want some?" He pointed at his mug.

"Yeah, thanks," she replied. Sorenson filled another cup with coffee as she spoke, "So, I just got word from my guys that Ellers is definitely a dead end. The owner over at Paradise Diner on East 62nd vouched that he was having his usual poached eggs this morning." She accepted the coffee from him and nodded her thanks.

"Would have been too easy, right? Or over-easy." He smirked.

She looked at him in thought, then smiled at his humour and commented, "That's like something Castle would say."

Sorenson immediately smirked, glanced over her expression then said, "You like him."

She pulled a face and shrugged her shoulders a little, "No. I just, um... I don't know. I think he's interesting."

He gazed over her face, physically quite close to her now, "So you're not...?"

"Together?" Kate rapidly thought this one out. The plan was to let everyone think they were single, "No..." she replied, feeling an immediate pinch of guilt in her abdomen. However, she was sticking to their agreement of total secrecy. They were both single.

Sorenson saw it as an opportunity, "I meant to call. Must've picked up the phone a dozen times."

"Yeah, I know. You meant to do a lot of things. That's why you left, remember?" Right in that instance, she decided that reminding him that he was the one who left her, might also tell him not to pursue something with her tonight, tomorrow, forever.

"But Boston was a great opportunity," he replied breathing in deeper.

Kate watched his face, noticed he breathed deep enough to absorb her scent and his eyes slowly took her in. It was all over his face he was fond of her, and she liked him, but not as a boyfriend anymore. "I'm not saying that it wasn't. I'm just saying it was a choice. That didn't include me."

"You could've come. We talked about it."

"And then done what? Join the Boston PD, and then you have to move to Phoenix, and then Cleveland? And then you're back here. I mean, we both know what that life is all about," she said in almost a whisper so as not to wake any of the family sleeping or to get the attention of the other agents in the living room.

"Didn't stop me from missing you, Kate. Missing us," he said, "Our Sundays in the park. Those ridiculous neon ice skates at Rockefeller Center." He laughed.

Kate smiled, her mind unlocking fond memories she had secured away after he had left New York. Left her. Keeping her emotions camouflaged, she replied with a higher tone, "I will have you know that those ice skates are awesome."

"It wasn't the skates," Sorenson said closing in so he was inches from her. Beckett couldn't step back as she was already against a wall. Her eyes momentarily lowered to his lips.

"Will, I- I'm..." Her fingers lightly pressed against his chest to prevent his advance.

Sorenson persisted and went in for a kiss. He took her hand. He lowered it, held it. The kiss was hot, reminded her of their intimacy. She internally fought with herself. A charge of emotions soared within her. She pictured Rick. His kiss and touch. She tried to pull away. Fought for the freedom of her hand.

Castle walked into the kitchen.

He stopped, rapidly taking in the scene.

"Oh!" He began, "I thought cops and Feds hated each other," he dryly stated, his eyes staring at Sorenson. Jealousy. Anger.

Kate pushed away, slipping from between the wall and Sorenson to the other side of the kitchen.

Everything shot to awkward for the three adults.

"They say justice never sleeps. I think I know why," Castle said.

"We were just, uh..." Kate started but tailed off, unsure of exactly what had just happened and how much he'd seen and heard. She wiped her mouth. Too much was going on inside. Every thought was about Rick and how much he'd just seen.

Rick held out an arm towards her, "Being consenting adults," he cut in, his eyes staying on Sorenson's, "I'm not judging, Kate," he reassured.

She wasn't sure about how Rick was really reacting, but she felt uncomfortable, anxious, "Umm.. I thought I told you to go home," she said with more confidence.

"I did go home, but then my mother told me something that couldn't wait."

Surprised, Sorenson asked, "You live with your mother?"

"Yeah. Apparently, we're peas in a pod. But the important point is, Angela's adopted."

"So?" Kate said confused by the events and the the conversation.

"So, prior to giving up her baby, the birth mother would've been given background on the Candelas. Specifically, their ability to support the child."

Beckett began to focus, "Knowledge of their finances." She looked to Sorenson, inspired by Rick's idea.

"Really, Kate? We're going to waste time on the insights of Nancy Drew here?"

"Is that supposed to be an insult?" Rick intercepted before Kate had a chance to respond. "Because Nancy Drew solved every case. Look, okay, and I'm quoting here, when a child's life is at stake, we have to be sure. Which means we have to question everything we think we know."

Kate and Sorenson met eyes, and Kate nodded indicating she agreed with Castle.

"We'll pick this up in the morning. I'll get my agents to investigate that path. Find out who the mother is and we can interview her tomorrow. Kate, you go home, and take writer boy with you."

"Alright. I'll call you on my way in tomorrow," she said a little taken aback by his tone. However, it was pure relief that washed over Kate once Sorenson gave her the order to quit for the night.

"Good night, Kate." Sorenson said, staring down Castle who maintained the stare right back.

Kate sensed the writer wanted to hit Sorenson, and hit him hard.

She needed space. A lot of space. She and Will needed to get away from each other because she was quickly losing control of her thoughts and feelings. His kiss had brought back many fine and happy memories, had aroused feelings within that she had believed were dead and buried. It was gone nine months since they had dated, and all the pain he caused when he left, was starting to bubble to the surface. She had once considered he was the guy for her. She knew now that they were through.

She walked out of the kitchen in silence, her heals sounding louder on the floorboards than she wanted. People were sleeping. For once, she didn't summon Castle to run after her. She had been conscious of the air between the two men all day, and concluded it had escalated significantly in the last few minutes, and didn't wish to be a part of it.

She kissed Sorenson.

No.

Sorenson kissed her.

She was in a relationship with Castle.

Kate didn't know what to do with that.

Sorenson had dictated, and she hadn't anticipated his actions.

She had unknowingly volunteered. Perhaps she had been too tired to recognise his moves. She was usually good at that sort of stuff. Not tonight.

A part of her felt victimised, like a choice had been taken from her.

Rick came after her, and he caught up as she grabbed her jacket and bag that had been stashed nearby the entrance. He stopped about a foot from her. As she straightened up she looked at his face, noting he wasn't happy.

The writer didn't say anything as they exited the house but he followed close behind. She was afraid he would say something. She was anxious because he didn't say a word.

This was the first time in his presence she'd truly felt uncomfortable.

As she took the steps out of the dwelling, Kate breathed deeply, grateful for the fresh air. It cleared her mind, enabled her to regain a little control. The FBI agent who guarded the front entrance, closed and locked the door once they were outside on the pavement. Kate continued to stride towards her unit, thinking she would keep the car for the night and park it at home in her car space. Rick fell in at her side easily able to keep with her pace. His presence comforted and unnerved her. She didn't pull on her coat, as the night was mild and the car was close by. Her cheeks were slowly cooling. That had certainly been an awkward moment in the kitchen, like the day her dad had caught her kissing a boy outside school one afternoon, but in reality, it was worse.

Far worse.

Much, much worse that her current boyfriend had caught her being kissed by her ex-boyfriend.

She hadn't planned on it. Either part of it. The kiss or being sprung.

She walked with gritted teeth, seething inside because Will had kissed her but more so because she'd let him. Guys always had this way of trying to coerce her into things. Even Rick was guilty of that. He'd insisted on following her in the first place. What couple spent all their time together?

"Geezus, fucking, Christ," she whispered to herself, fully aware Rick heard her. In response, he cleared his throat and she sensed his gaze momentarily upon her. However, they walked on in silence to the vehicle and Rick stepped to the passenger side. Kate paused, wondering what he was planning.

"I'm going home, Castle." Her tone was firm. She was extremely embarrassed about the kiss but didn't want him to know it, so she acted out on him instead. "Good night."

"You don't want to talk about…" He stopped, realising there might be an FBI agent or a cop within hearing range. He also saw she wasn't in a mood to discuss what had happened back there. "No, you don't."

"No," she confirmed.

"Did it hurt falling out of heaven, Kate?"

She paused, glared at him, brow furrowed. "Fall out of heaven? That's not fair!" That had hurt. "I don't claim perfection, Rick. You weren't…." She stopped, choking on the constriction in her throat, unable to speak. She coughed.

"I was there." He stated, then dropped his foul attitude. "I'm sorry I said that."

"I probably deserve it." She replied.

He calmly asked, "Would you run me home, please? I won't get a taxi out here this time of the night."

She pressed her lips together, noted he had seemingly calmed down, then unlocked the car, saying, "Get in."

The silence was deafening in the car during the ride to his apartment. Both kept their eyes to the front. To make it worse, she copped red lights at every intersection. For the entire trip, Kate experienced a bizarre internal battle of love and hate, right and wrong, guilt and panic, and she didn't have a path out of the forest. Experiences of life had failed to set her up to handle this situation.

Outside of Castle's place she pulled over to the curb. The car was put into park as she glanced at the time. It was almost 1.30 am. She wanted to go home to bed but she was positive Rick had something to say just by the way he remained seated and tapped his fingers on his thigh, but unclipped his belt. She turned enough to face him. She waited, anxious.

He swallowed, then looked over at her from her head to waist and back. "I know you don't like to talk about things but we need to talk about this."

"Okay," she quietly agreed.

"Good," Then he calmly stated, "You kissed him, Kate."

"He kissed me," she corrected immediately, then swallowed the second she realised how stupid she sounded. "He put me against the wall." She looked at him, his frown, that widened her eyes, "I was stuck."

"Stuck. You could physically kill him, if you wanted to. I've seen you fight."

She huffed and frowned, "Yes. But I mean, he asked me if we were together. I had to say no. It's what we agreed to do, Castle, if we got asked. We didn't discuss being kissed by ex's and I don't have many of them."

"Are you implying I have a lot of ex-girlfriends?"

"No," she sighed in exasperation then repeated softer, "No. If I did tell him that we were together I know it would not be a secret for much longer." She closed her mouth, when she saw his expression. At first, she thought she'd said too much but then he seemed to accept her excuse, her pattern of thought at the time, but he was also clearly upset about what had happened.

"Okay," he said, "I can deal with it because I probably would have done the same thing. But the thing is Kate, you still have feelings for him."

"No!" She hotly objected, "No. I don't," her voice shot up an octave. Simultaneously, anguish surged up from deep inside that problems were going to burst their little lust bubble, that she was about to be hit with a good dose of reality. Confronted with a sudden urge to cry, she pressed the heel of her right hand to her chest, held her breath. She couldn't help but confess. "This hurts, Rick."

"Yes, it does, and we've only been together two months-"

Kate cut in, "Nearly two months, in four days it will be two great months," she shyly finished with, "I got you something already."

Rick smirked, "She is counting the days until their two month anniversary. That eases his mind." He narrated.

"He bought her jewellery, a necklace, for their first month. She loves it. Cherishes it," she whispered.

"And he's planning to buy her a novel she mentioned she wanted. Little gifts. It's the thought that counts." He peered out the window at his entrance as he asked, "And what was your first thought, Kate?"

The Detective stared at him several seconds before she shyly replied, "You. I wanted it to be you kissing me. Confusion, a lot of confusion."

He looked at her eyes, his face quite serious, "Really?"

"To what?"

"You wanted it to be me?"

"Of course." It was in that second Kate realised how insecure he was. The larger than life writer was insecure. "Really."

"This is unordinary, what we have."

For several seconds Kate started out the window, listened to his breathing, watched a young man walk along the sidewalk past them.

"Scandalous." She muttered to herself, which caused Rick to direct his entire attention to her. She made the decision not to go down the negative path, to see the lighter side of it.

"Why so?" Is all he asked.

"A secret passionate love affair between a cop and a famous author. An ex-lover kissing me. People write novels about this sort of stuff, Castle."

He chuckled, "Yeah. Maybe you should be the writer. I always wanted to be a cop."

"Yeah?"

He nodded. "What happened Kate, before I walked in?" He asked quietly, "I want the background story."

There were a few seconds of silence, then she answered, "We were talking, reflecting a little. It happened fast. Rick, nothing is black and white because our relationship isn't. It's all grey and there are many forms of grey," she stressed, "Yes, I could have pushed him back, but I didn't. I could have said I was with you but that was against the rules of our agreement." Kate wiped beneath her eyes. She was confused and tired. The day had dragged up many professional and personal memories she had tried hard to forget. "Castle, I'm new to all this. An ex-boyfriend has never kissed me, and I've never lived a secret love affair."

"You should have pushed Will off you," he calmly said, "But in fairness to you, he probably didn't give you the chance to even think. If I were him, I would have tried the same thing. And you're right. The situation we have put ourselves in has created a lot of grey and murky areas we will have to wade through, together." He put his hand on her thigh and stroked it. "It's okay. We're learning from it and being honest. We've talked through it."

"I'm sorry I didn't react," Kate sniffed and wiped her eyes.

"Mistakes are the building blocks of wisdom."

"Pardon?"

"Oh, just something my mother told me earlier. Maybe she was right." He said as he looked over her face. He reached out and touched her cheek.

She whispered, "Castle. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Wish I could kiss you," he whispered and lightly brushed his thumb over her lips. She smiled a little. "Until tomorrow, Kate."

She raised her eyes to his. "Good night, Rick."

He got out the car, closed the door and walked across the pavement to the entry of his building. Once he disappeared inside without looking back to her with his usual wave, Kate put the car in reverse, pulled out then hung a U-turn and drove home. It wasn't resolved which gravely upset Kate.

It took about seven minutes to drive between their homes, and she used that time to process what had happened with Sorenson and consequently Rick. Less than a quarter hour after she had dropped off Rick, she locked the door to her apartment and slung her bag and coat on a chair. She walked through to her bedroom where she pulled off her boots and clothing. She needed a shower but she also wanted to know something. It had bothered her most of the evening. From the top drawer of her bedside table she retrieved a tray of birth control pills.

Three days into the white pills and nothing.

"Shit."

This was bad.

She tossed the tray dismissively into the drawer, slammed it shut and headed for the bathroom. She couldn't deal with this right now.

Relationship with boyfriend on the rocks.

No period.

Clothes were thrown in the wash basket and she turned on the shower.

"Shit. Shit. Shit!" She got the water to the right temperature then stepped under the flow of hot water.

For a long time after he returned home, Rick sat in a leather chair in the study, a glass of Scotch in his hand. He didn't have his phone nearby, a laptop on or the TV running. He was busy with processing those few seconds in the kitchen and the conversation in the car. He thought about seeing Kate kiss another man and dwelled on what he had internally experienced because of it. There had been a sudden jab of jealousy like he'd never felt before, and there was no denying that he'd had a powerful urge to punch Sorenson for hitting on Kate. But in fairness to the FBI agent, he understood Kate was single. The fact was, Rick didn't like it that people thought she was single, that he was too. However, this was the decision they had made when they started this relationship.

Moping into the wee hours of the night, he also realised that Kate wasn't as snappy or assertive when it came to personal issues like she would be at work. The cop persona was an act, like she pretended to everyone she disliked him.

There was another thing that bothered him that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Kate had been a little distracted by something the past day or so. When he'd asked her if there was something amiss, she'd told him all was good. He didn't think it was.

He tipped his head back as he downed the final drop of alcohol. It was time for bed.

Not waving her off when he'd exited the car has unsettled him, was an act he wouldn't normally do and he was sure it would have upset Kate. It was way too late to text her now, but in a few hours, he would fair well Alexis to school and then go see Kate.