Here it comes….

Chapter 48

Rick did the trip from the loft to the Precinct via train before the Saturday rush begun. Beckett hadn't picked up any of his calls to her phone or the burner, which caused him to think she was at the Precinct because she'd figured out something on the case. If she was entailed in a new lead, the phones would be discarded on her desk.

As predicted, he found Beckett standing in front of her murder board completely focussed on the information pinned to the board. Ryan, Esposito and Castle watched her from their desks.

Ryan said, "Desk officer said she came in at 4:00 this morning. She's been at the board ever since."

Castle raised an eyebrow. Usually whenever Beckett left the bed during the night her movement brought him from sleep. If she was here at 4.00 am that implied she'd left the loft about 3.30 am. He didn't remember a thing.

Esposito interrupted his thoughts when he added, "She called us in at six am to recheck every person we talked to on the case."

"And she's had, like, nine double espressos." Ryan added, watching his boss work hard at the white board.

"Well, here we go." Rick murmured, looking to each of the men with a concerned look. He held up the coffees, "Here's her number ten."

Castle wandered up to Beckett saying, "Hey. Been reading on the internet about this new thing called sleep. Supposed to be real good for ya."

Beckett hushed him with a dismissive wave of her hand, "Shhhh."

"When I gave you that little speech last night, I really didn't mean for you to go all beautiful mind on me." He whispered.

"It wasn't anyone at the US Attorney's office." Beckett replied, "They wouldn't need us to find him. So, it had to be someone that we talked to."

"You don't think it was my mafia connection?" Castle asked.

"If he's in a rival family, then they would want Moran alive to testify because if the feds take down the Spolanos, then the other families can take over their territories. No, we are looking for someone who had access to the doctor before we got the case."

"So that leaves the fiancée and his staff," Castle replied.

As Ryan approached, he said, "Yeah, except the fiancée is clean, alibied and accounted for last night. Phone records don't indicate any calls to unknown numbers."

"I thought you already ran his staff up, Beckett."

"We did, Castle," Esposito replied, "And there were no records of anything that indicate ties to organized crime."

"What about last night?" Beckett asked.

"Maggie Dowd was at dinner with friends. Mario Guerrero worked late packing patient files, and the senior nurse, Julia Hammond, claims she was home alone." Esposito replied, reading from his notes.

"What was Mario doing packing patient files last night?"

"They're closing up shop, Beckett. Patient files are all going to new doctors."

"It's just, doesn't that seem like a weird thing to be doing on a Friday night?" She suggested.

Ryan rolled his eyes, "Yeah, well, when you're a low man on the totem pole, that's what life is like. People think they can call you in to work at 6:00 am" he muffled the last words with his cup of coffee, "On a Saturday."

Beckett pointed at the board to the photographs of the women who worked for Dr Leeds, "Julia Hammond and Maggie Dowd. How long did they work for Dr Leeds?"

"Uh, Hammond was with him ten years. Maggie came on a few months back. Why?" Espo asked.

"Because our low man on the totem pole Mario Guerrero started working for the doctor about a month ago."

"We checked him." Ryan replied, "We even called his nursing school. He's clean."

Beckett paused then ordered, "Check again. They can't all be clean." She walked away

"Where are you going?" Castle called, stood off the chair to follow her.

Beckett called back, "To see if Mario was actually at the office Friday night."

The Detective pushed open the doorway to the Clinic of the late Dr Leeds and held it to allow Castle to enter behind her. They saw Julia, the senior nurse and Mario behind the reception desk packing up the office.

The senior nurse stopped what she was doing and stepped to the counter to meet the detective and the writer.

"Detective. Is everything okay?"

Beckett replied, looking at the young man, "Mario, I need you to come with me."

Confused Mario looked to Julia for support, then back at Beckett, "Why?"

"We need to ask you some questions."

"Did I do something wrong?"

Beckett's cell phone started to ring so she immediately reached for her in her coat pocket, checked the caller ID and swiped.

"Beckett," she greeted.

"Its Esposito."

"What you got?" She looked to Rick who tried to listen in.

"It's Maggie," Esposito said.

"What?" Her eyes widened in disbelief.

"Yeah, its Maggie." Ryan confirmed on loud speaker, "We double-checked everything, even called the nursing schools again. This time we had 'em send pictures, and the one of Maggie. We're looking at it right now and it's a different girl."

Beckett said to Castle, "It's Maggie." She turned her attention to the nurses, "Where's Maggie Dowd?"

"She didn't come in today. Why?"

Castle reached over the desk and picked up a business card he scanned then held up for Beckett to see, "Business card from Dr Joshua Leeds, Detective?"

Beckett read, then asked, "Is Dr Leeds affiliated with St Marcus hospital?"

"Yeah," Julia replied, "That's where we do our procedures."

Castle turned to Beckett, "If she has a hospital ID-"

Beckett finished, "She can finish the job." And with that she started out of the clinic the phone to her ear, "Guys, we need a team to be rounded up to get over to St Marcus hospital to find Maggie Dowd.'

As Castle followed her out he pointed at Mario and said, "You're off the hook... But don't leave town." He turned about and hurried after her partner.

Maggie Dowd was arrested at the Hospital where Jimmy Moran was a patient about an hour after Kate organised a team of NYPD and FBI members to meet at the hospital. Mrs Robinson was present at the 12th to accept handover of the Dowd from the Detectives. Beckett and her team stayed at the Precinct to wrap things up. Castle parted company at the hospital, saying he had to meet someone.

While Kate was finalising her part of the paperwork, as fast as she could so she could go visit Sorenson before going home to get ready to go out with Castle, Montgomery approached her. "Looks like you managed to set things right with the US Attorney's office."

Beckett smiled, stapled sheets of together, "Yeah, she turned State's. When Moran recovers, the Feds will have two witnesses against the Spolanos."

"But only Maggie back there can link them to murder."

"Oh, but her real name is Carla Dante. They call her Carla Coldblood. She's been killing for the family for five years now. When Jimmy dropped dime, the Spolanos sent their best."

Montgomery raised an eyebrow, "Lady hit man. A real blow for women's rights. And the real Maggie Dowd?"

"Works for a hospital in Seattle. She had no idea that they had stolen her identity. Carla even pulled a recommendation off of a job-hunting site in order to apply for the position with Leeds. Originally, she thought she was gonna get a photograph of Moran, and when she couldn't, she went after Leeds."

"And then when Leeds didn't talk, she killed him. But why stay around the office?" The Captain asked.

Beckett replied, "If she left before Leeds' body was found, it would have looked suspicious, and she probably didn't think he'd be sitting around for a week. Then we showed up, and she waited to see how far we'd get."

"That's good work, detective. Very good work."

"Thank you, sir. You know, sir, I never thought that I would be saying this, but... I don't think I could have done it without Castle." She admitted, as hard as it was to do so.

Surprised by her generosity to compliment the writer, the Captain searched the bullpen for the writer "Where is Castle, anyway?"

"Umm.. He said he was going to meet with a friend." She shrugged her shoulders, pretending she wasn't concerned about his whereabouts. But the truth was her gut instincts were nagging at her that something wasn't right with him after he took a phone call while they were outside the hospital. He'd only said he needed to head off and would find her later. He didn't like doing the administration which caused her not to be too concerned. He always disappeared the moment paperwork was mentioned.

"He'll turn up, when it comes to you." Montgomery remarked as he walked away.

"Sir," she called after him, "What was that?"

"You heard me. You know he's fond of you, Beckett."

Kate sat down in her chair, thinking through the Captain's comments. They'd been so careful of hiding their affair, but its seemed that Montgomery saw straight through it. Her heart raced with fear that she would have to stop seeing Rick. Montgomery continued to his office as though nothing had happened. Had he warned her? Had he just made that comment because he saw Rick was fond of her? Fondness was okay, acceptable. She pretended she despised his presence most of the time but Rick continued to follow her from day to day.

She put the lid on the box then opened the top drawer of her desk. She took her burner phone out and texted Castle.

I'm wrapping things up here. Going to visit Sorenson to tell him the news then will go home. XX

She put the phone into her pocket, grabbed her Police phone then stood, picking up her back.

Nervous was an understatement. Castle was on edge, afraid of learning what the ME might had found in the information he had provided the doctor a few days earlier. The ME was seated in Rick's apartment the file opened out on the table, now thicker and it contained handwritten notes that Dr Murray had penned. He held an old evidence photo out so Rick could see it. Kate's mother, dead and face down on a slab. It was cold, heartless and he now believed it was something he should never have seen. He was looking at the one thing she had threatened and then begged him not to pursue. The murder that had caused a husband to drink, a daughter to alter her future, and had put a curse over a family that couldn't get beyond that one night in January.

Rick feigned calmness and interest. He briefly wondered whether the ME noticed his slight physiological changes. If he did, then he was keeping it to himself as he continued to explain to the writer what he had learned during his investigation.

"The original M.E. concluded that the stab wounds were random." He pointed with a pen tip at the placements of the stabbings. "Now maybe the killer got lucky, but you see this wound here?" Dr Clark Murray pointed at a wound on the woman's back below the ribs.

"Yeah." He nodded and swallowed.

"It's a low-angle thrust to the kidney. The wound size indicated that the knife was twisted. Her body would have gone into immediate shock." The doctor cast his gaze over Rick's face, "Are you okay?"

Fuck.

"Yeah." He licked his lips, trying his hardest to ignore the bile rising into his throat. He swallowed, and pointed at the higher wounds, "What about these?"

The doctor thought for a moment then continued, "Well, their angles indicate that they were delivered after she was immobilized and on the ground. They're just for show. This is the one that killed her." He directed the pen back to the wound near the kidney.

"This is sounding less like a random killing, more like a targeted murder." Castle stated, his brow knotted the sense of unease diminishing for now.

"There's more. On a hunch, I checked the city ME files to see if this was an isolated incident and found three other stabbings around that time that the ME working the case dismissed as... random."

"Were they related?" Rick asked.

"Are you sure you want to know?" The doctor inquired scanning the writer's paled face, "I must ask how far do you want to take this? Does the daughter want to know?"

Castle sighed, aware the doctor knew the identity of the daughter, "She wants to know who killed her mother, but I'm not sure she's ready right now to hear any of this."

"Be careful." The doctor closed the file. "I hear around the traps she once asked a lot of questions and then dropped it for her own good."

"She did drop it. Put it behind her." Rick accepted the file back and put it aside as the doctor stood up to leave. "Thank you, Clark. I will have to give it some thought."

"I'll show myself out Rick. Say hello to your mother."

"I will, thanks." Rick forced a smiled and waited as the doctor left the apartment. Only when he heard the front door close, he sat back in his chair and covered his face with his hands, elbows to the table. His phone beeped, the secret phone. He looked at the message. Kate was going to see Sorenson. That was good. It would do her good to visit her ex to ensure he was going to be alright. She'd done everything she possibly could to find the killer. He stared at the closed file, unaware his mother had entered the living in stealth mode. He stood up and started towards the office as he tapped back that he wanted to take her out for dinner, being a Saturday. He asked her to pick a place she wanted to try out. She had a list of restaurants on her bucket list. There was a nausea within him that he'd rarely experienced. An impending doom. He sat at his desk aware his mother followed into the office.

"I see Dr Death has been." She started.

My mother.

Rick sat up, his eyes lifting to see his mother.

"Mmm. He was here." He wished his mother didn't see things, would mind her own business once in a while. He sat back in his chair, watched her close in on him. She sat on the arm of one of the leather chairs studied him a moment, like a mother. "What news did he have?"

He blinked, to bring clarity back into his thoughts. All he could see was how happy Kate was around him, how cute she was when she climbed over his, smothering him with kisses because she longed for him to make love with her. She was like no other and he didn't want to lose that. It was still so new, their relationship. They soaked in the glory of their little lust bubble.

He breathed in deeply, "That there were other murders at the same time her mother was murdered. It wasn't a random murder as the detectives at the time wrapped it up to be."

Martha pressed her lips together in thought as she looked from her son to the file on his desk, "You have to tell her, you know."

"Do you know what this would do to her? To us?" He stressed and immediately the nausea became worse. "I can't Mom."

"You have information that could lead to her mother's killer. You can't keep that from her." Martha insisted.

"I know. But she said if I opened the file, that we'd be through."

"It doesn't matter. She has to know."

"It does matter. Its paramount and that's my point. There's a lot more at stake here than just a partnership and me following her around, Mom. She's my girlfriend. I think she's the one." His hands fisted on the table.

"I know she's important to you, Richard. You're head over heels about her, but you opened a can of worms when you called Clark. Now it's your responsibility to let her know what he found."

"She begged me not to poke around in it."

"You did exactly what she told you not to do, but you found something and you should tell her and let her make the decision."

"She will crawl back into the hole I brought her out of, and will never trust me again." He muttered, closing his eyes, suppressing the strong emotions building up into his throat. This was really hurting. He protected their relationship but betrayed her by holding back information, or he passed her the information and risked losing her.

"Where is she now?" His mother asked, interrupting his thoughts.

He glanced at the time, "Arr, at the hospital seeing Agent Sorenson, the guy who got shot."

"When are you seeing her?"

"Its Saturday, Mother. I want to take my girlfriend out for dinner, perhaps go to a movie, enjoy her company. Do something with her. Us." He wanted to spend the night with her, make love with her, just be with her. "Telling her today might result in me not seeing her tonight."

He needed air, fresh air. He stood up. Wavered a little.

"I'm taking a walk. Need to clear my head. Where's my daughter?"

"Out with her friends." Martha answered.

"I'll be back." He picked up the file, dropped it in a drawer and locked it, taking out the key. He didn't want his mother reading the file any time soon. Never.

He exploded out of the entrance, and inhaled deeply. It wasn't fresh air but it was cool and not filled with the scent of his mother's perfume, the heat of the house. Fumes of vehicles, rubbish and city smells surrounded him. But he sucked in oxygen like a starved man gulped food. He took about a dozen strides, when he had the sudden urge to vomit. He rushed to the nearest bin, dragged the lid off and vomited the lunch he'd enjoyed.

Minutes later he was tense, his chest constricted and heavy, and his head thumped loudly. He suffered the taste of vomit and heart burn. He walked, the emotions overwhelming his conscious control of public behaviour. He didn't care if people saw him upset. The anxiety Kate would break up with him was unbearable.

The phone in his left jean pocket vibrated. He pulled it out to see Kate had responded to his text. She was at the hospital and she couldn't wait to see him. Wanted him to stay at her place the night.

He pocketed the phone, wiped his eyes. A drink would be good. A drink would be perfect. Get the foul taste out of his mouth and take the edge off the raw emotions.

The first mouthful of whiskey tasted weird, burned his aggravated throat. He sat on the bar stool, nursed the shot glass in his left hand and his head in his right. Another five minutes passed before he made his decision. He was scared to death but he had to do it. He'd promised Kate he'd be honest. He'd gone behind her back and now he had the consequences of his actions. He downed the remainder of his drink, grabbed the bottle of water he'd ordered and left the bar.

No matter what, he had an obligation to Kate.

On her way to the hospital, Beckett bought several donuts as a gift for Will Sorenson. She carried a hot coffee she'd bought a few blocks back. Will was awake and sitting up in his hospital bed. For the first time since he had left her for work, they talked and laughed like they used to. It was all about stupid stuff, things they used to do together. It was good that the anger the carried about his leaving her was gone. She was past them now as a couple.

"No, you didn't." He objected, "Stop making me laugh." Will pleaded between weaker than usual laughter.

"Oh, come on. It's not like you've been shot or something." She said breaking a piece of donut off that she popped into her mouth.

"I thought you were over sprinkles," he commented.

Kate smiled and looked at Will, "Maybe not."

"Mm."

There was a knock on the opened door and both looked up to see Castle stood in the doorway. Kate furrowed her brow, confused by his appearance. He'd texted her earlier to say he was taking a walk and would see her later. He seemed a bit off, was pale.

"It's the writer monkey." Will commented, "What is he still doing here?" He asked Beckett then looked to Castle with a smile, "Haven't you finished your book yet?" He inquired with a mischievous tone.

"Last chapter," Rick calmly replied then focussed on Beckett. "Do you have a sec?"

"Yeah." Kate sobered, wondering why Rick was acting so serious. She wasn't sure what to make of it but her senses prickled and her stomach felt off.

"Watch it, Kate. He likes you." Will playfully warned as Kate stood off the chair and stepped towards Rick.

She said jokingly to Castle, mainly to conceal her uneasiness, "You'll have to forgive him, Castle. He is heavily medicated." She followed him out of the room noting he didn't come back with a smartass response. In fact, it appeared like something was up. Her heart rate increased with anxiety, "You look awfully serious. Is everything okay?" Beckett asked remaining light hearted from her time with Will, choosing to ignore the unease building up. She stopped in the corridor out of people's way, faced Castle and saw him point at a waiting chair.

"Take a seat." He told her.

"What?"

"Sit down."

He was quite serious. Her brow furrowed again, and she felt the anxiety in her gut strengthen. Disgruntled she looked at the plastic chairs lined against the wall but turned her gaze back to Castle who was being way too serious. His eyes were that greyish blue when he had something going on that upset him. Then it occurred to her. He was going to break up with her, right here in a damn hospital. He didn't like her being around Sorenson. She scanned his face for hint but he was damn hard to read at the best of times, "Castle, what's going on?" Her voice was timid, shaky and she sounded younger than her years. She hated how her voice betrayed her.

He looked about, unsettled, then quietly replied, "It's about your mother."

Disappointment set in Kate then her stomach did a roll as though she'd eaten bad food. She sat heavily down on the first plastic chair. "Rick, I said no. You promised me." Things were starting to hurt inside and there was a tightness in her throat.

Rick sat on the chair beside her on the edge of it so he faced her. "I know you did, but hear me out. Please."

Kate scanned his eyes, his face. He looked gravely concerned, and it caused her to think he understood he was risking a hell of a lot to share information with her. "Cas-"

"Kate," he cut in. He swallowed nervously, studied her eyes, then spilled so only she would hear, "Three people were killed the same way as your mother was and at roughly the same time."

Her heart started to bang against her ribs. Panic rose. She inhaled. "Go," she demanded using a tone that wouldn't raise attention in the hospital. She stood up, "I can't do this here."

"Then come by my place when you leave here. I'll show you what I found."

For a few seconds Kate stared at him, overwhelmed with emotions of betrayal, and deceit. He had sneaked behind her back to investigate her mother's murder. She shook her head in the negative, stepped backwards, turned and walked back to Will's room. Rick remained seated in the chair.

Inside the room, Kate maintained calmness.

"What did writer boy want?"

"Nothing important. Just something that could have waited. But look, I have to get going. I'm meeting my Dad for a coffee at the usual diner." She lied as she leaned over the bed to give his cheek a kiss.

"Say hello to him for me. Come see me tomorrow?"

"Sure." She smiled. "You rest up." She gave his head a light stroke, then grabbed her bag and keys and left the room.

When she entered the corridor, she searched for Rick who waited by the chairs. She decided to go the opposite direction to the elevators and quickly commenced to walk away. She soon sensed Castle's presence, well before he began to speak.

"Kate." His voice was deep, demanding her attention. He took a firm hold of her left upper arm to slow her down. He then stopped which caused her to have to do the same and he turned her about. "I really need to show you what I found." He quietly insisted, not wanting to raise attention to them in the middle of a hospital ward.

She glared at him, didn't make a sound but shook herself loose of his polite hold and kept going. He followed.

They stood in silence and waited in the foyer for an elevator. They stepped in with several other people. She refused to even look at him, but felt the heat of his body radiating from him. He was nervous and perspired a little. She was also certain he'd had a drink. His breath vaguely smelt of alcohol. He was worried.

She was first out of the elevator and hiked it towards the entrance of the hospital, her long legs carrying her briskly. He bustled past the exiting crown and hurried after Kate, conscious not to harm anyone else. She was outside and on the pavement by the time he caught up.

"Kate!" He called loudly after her. She continued, her pace not faltering. She paced across the car park with Castle nipping at her heels. When she got to the stairs leading out of the car park to the street, it was his hand on the railing, that prevented her from descending the stairs that had her react. She turned about to find he was right there, so close she could hit him.

"I asked you to talk about this," he firmly stated.

"We did," she said, "And I begged you to keep out of it, but you had to go digging into my Mom's murder." She spat back.

"I didn't have to dig too far before I found new evidence, Kate." He stated, then inhaled deeper, "Can we sit down and talk about this like civilised adults? I was just trying to help you." He didn't care if anyone saw them when he softly touched her cheek and wiped away the tear she shed. She refused to make eye contact with him. His thumb cleaned away another tear.

"Don't," she ordered, "Castle. Don't." She tilted her head away from his contact so he closed his fingers and lowered his hand. Disappointment was all over his face.

He quietly closed in on her space, conscious it weakened her, and said, "I'll meet you at your place and show you what I found."

"No. Go home. Go back to your life." She shook herself loose of him, turned and hurried over the car park to an alternative exit.

How she'd done it wasn't clear, but Kate had given Rick the slip in the crowd at the subway. Being taller than the average woman, she was aware he would be able to spot her quickly especially if he had a clear view of the station. She hurried through the sea of commuters along the platform until the waiting train was about to depart, when jumped into the second car, grabbing a support bar just as the train jolted forward. In a crowd of people busy with staring at mobile gadgets she stayed low but kept searching through the hundreds of human heads for Rick's. She was certain he wasn't on the train, at least not in the car she travelled in. He'd followed her to the subway but she'd lost sight of him on the platform.

She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. Rick had hit a raw nerve she had no idea that she had lugged it around for years. She couldn't believe he had delved into her mother's file, her mother's. He could have asked. He had asked. The response would have still been a flat out no.

Kate bit her bottom lip with stress. Somebody in the NYPD had let Rick into the archives to access the file. Only cops were allowed in there. Someone had betrayed her. Someone close to them. She angrily swiped at the tear that spilt from her right eye. The train pulled into the next stop. Staying on, Kate shifted to the back of the flow as commuters stepped out of the train. She searched but didn't see him, but she knew how good he could disappear into the background.

Seconds later the doors closed and the metro train was on its way again. She was to get out at the next stop which was as close to home as she would get in this direction. Her phone buzzed so she pulled it out of her pocket and swiped it open. Her Dad had sent her a text wanting to know how she was that he hadn't heard from her in a few days.

She tapped back Sorenson had been shot and she was on her way home from visiting him. He asked back if Sorenson was okay, if she was okay and was she with Rick.

She wrote, Will is fine, I'm okay and not with Rick anymore.

Seconds later, and as the train pulled into her home station, her father called. As she stepped from the train with fifty or so other people, she accepted the call, feeling her heart lurch into her throat.

"Dad?"

"Katie. Are you okay, Honey?"

She hurried ahead of the crowd to the stairs. It was suffocating, being amongst the people all shuffling about each other in a race to escape the confines of the station.

"Yes. I'm fine."

"Have you broken up with Rick?"

"Yes." She ran up the steps anxious to get to the outside world.

"Why, Kate? What happened?"

"Dad." She pressed not wanting to share. At the top of the stairs she turned to her left and then hiked it up the pavement towards home.

"Kate, you do this all the time. They get too close and you're gone."

"Dad," she whined in objection, hurt by his comment. "It wasn't that."

"What happened?"

"He went behind my back, Dad."

"He cheated on you?"

Kate stalled a moment, surprised by the tone of her father's voice, like he would never imagine the man doing such a thing to his daughter. "No, he investigated Mom's file without asking me if he could."

"Oh. Kate." She heard her father sigh heavily, in understanding. "And you really like him. Oh dear."

At that point Kate began to cry, unable to hold it in any longer. Only one other person understood why she was upset and he remained silent on the other end of the line, his own emotions probably giving him hell. He had dated since the death of his wife but the relationships rarely lasted beyond two years. She was the same. Her Dad was also quite fond of Rick mainly because he had made the effort to get to know him, and Kate's family.

"Where are you now, Kate?"

"About half a block from home." She spun about searching for Rick but didn't see him. She continued.

"Katie, don't shut him out."

"Mom's murder, Dad." She pressed. "My personal life for his books."

"Are you …"

"His books, Dad. Fodder for his books."

She paused outside of her apartment, searching for the keys to get inside the foyer. Her father told her that her mother wouldn't want her to be living in the past, to move on and not let this be a reason to break them up, but she could hear he struggled to believe his own words.

"You run away, Katie, at the first sign of pressure. When it's about your Mother, you're nineteen years old again, Honey."

Kate plopped herself on the steps, her head dropping into her free hand. Sobs of pure despair escaped her as she listened to her father's consoling words. It was difficult to breathe.

"Why did he have to drag it up?" She cried.

"I don't know, Kate, beyond the reason he loves you and wants to help you I don't know. He's not an evil man, his intentions are not to hurt you. He promised me, man to man, he would never intentionally hurt you."

"Dad." She protested sitting up and wiping her eyes. "It hurts, what he's done."

"It's hurting you because you love him, because he defied your wishes."

"No." She shook her head. "No."

"He loves you, Kate. Can see it all over him he does. He wouldn't intentionally hurt you, Honey."

"He's never said it."

"I bet you haven't either. Sort it out with him, Kate. Talk to him."

Kate nodded, "Okay." She stood up, turned and started up the steps,

"I will."

"Your mother would have wanted you to move on, Kate."

"I know." She pressed the elevator button, then glanced behind her for a second thinking Castle was at the entrance wanting to get in. No one was there. "I'm home Dad. I'll call you tonight." The elevator came and once the doors opened she stepped inside.

"As late as you want, Honey. Don't stay mad at him."

"I need time Dad. He breached my personal space."

"I know."

"I'll talk later. Love you, Dad."

"Me too, Baby girl."

It never ceased to make her smile whenever he called her that. It gave her security. She was twenty-nine and he still treated her as his child.

Inside the security of her home she went directly to her bedroom to change and use the toilet. She had no plans to leave home for the rest of the day. She washed her face, making the decision not to cry any more.

A few minutes later she was folded up on the couch crying into bundle of dampened tissues.

There was a knock on the door. Kate stopped dead in the kitchen and looked at the door. She wasn't expecting any visitors.

"Beckett?"

It was Rick. Her anxiety shot through the roof. She stayed still and silent. He knocked again and harder. It had been about two hours since she had shaken him off at the hospital.

"Kate? I know you're home. Please let me in."

If it wasn't for the anger bubbling within her, there wasn't a chance she would have done what she did. Later she would blame her short fused temper for her actions. She walked to the door, unlocked the dead bolt, then flung open the door. Rick who leaned against the door, fell clumsily into the apartment, almost stumbling to the floor.

He managed to right himself. He looked at Kate and cautiously smiled. "Hey."

"I told you I didn't want to see you." She said, giving him a dark look.

"Kate." He gave the door a push to close it then turned the deadlock, a task that was now a habit when he visited his girlfriend. "You need to know what I found even if you decide to do nothing with it."

"Castle." She started to crumble. Her fingers fiddled with her right hip. "What if I don't want to know?"

"Kate, you're not alone in this. I have good progress," he stressed holding a folder that seemed full of papers.

Kate stepped away her face a picture of horror, as she looked from him to the file, "How did you get to the file?"

"I bribed someone."

Kate walked into the living room. That answer immediately caused her to feel insecure, betrayed. "Who?"

"It doesn't matter who, Kate. Will you just listen to what I found? You make the decision with what you do with it."

"You've taken the decision from me, Rick. You probed into something that is extremely personal and it impacts on other's lives."

"Not telling you would take the decision from you, Honey. I can't live with you knowing something important and not telling you. I tell you I risk losing you, and if I don't and you find out I risk losing you."

"I asked you not to look in to it."

"After I had started."

"You lied to me?"

"Technically, I didn't."

Kate hugged her body, watched him step closer.

"Did you tell your Father I found a new lead?" He asked.

She glared at him in disbelief. It had been an odd time for her father to make that call on a Saturday afternoon. The realisation hit her. "Oh God." She choked. "You called my Dad?" Her eyes filled with tears. "You had my Dad call me?" She started to cry, wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

Rick swallowed, suddenly very nervous as though he was treading deep and treacherous waters, "I was worried. I asked him to make sure you got home okay."

"No!" She shouted, "Your worry is me being your muse and your money tree."

His nostrils flared, "It was never about that, Kate."

"You were thinking about you and the trophy you have." She pointed at the file in his hand, furious at his audacity to drag her father into this.

He moved suddenly into her space, holding up the file.

"Yes, I found something good. Three other people connected to your Mother were murdered the same way about the same time, Kate."

"Its behind me. You selfishly had to intrude in my life," She broke down, grabbing her chest, "my past."

She stepped away, needing to sit down. Rick had betrayed her, and her Dad had deceived her. She had no one to confide in.

Things didn't go well at all after that moment. In fact, Rick would say it spun out of control in a rapid and drastic manner that he had a fucking chance in hell of saving.

He slammed the door of his apartment closed. Locked the door, threw the keys in the dish, then stormed off to the study, unaware whether his co-residents were at home. It did cross his mind he might have got caught on a speed camera driving home. He'd find out in a couple of weeks.

The office door was slammed shut but it didn't have the same satisfying bang the entry door did. The heavier door really produced an impact. He dropped the file on his desk beside his laptop.

Pissed off wasn't the right word to describe how he felt about what had happened today.

"Fubar!" He spat out, "Yep! Fucked up beyond all repair," he stated, staring at the sample cover of the new novel that was coming out in the next couple of weeks. He rubbed his hands though his thick hair. "God dammit."

"Fubar?" Echoed his mother from between the bookshelves. "What the hell is Fubar?"

"You would know if you had kept listening to me Mother. Don't we ever have privacy in this god forsaken house? Huh? I think it's time I introduced a privacy policy."

"Oh, Darling." She opened the door.

Rick leaned against the desk staring at his mother. "What Mom?" He asked calmly, when he really wanted to throw an absolute tantrum.

"What on earth has gotten you all pent up?" She looked down at the table and saw the file.

He followed her eye line then looked at her, "Yes, I told Beckett."

"And?"

"We had a massive, no mega fight, Mother. Happy?"

"And?" She glared at him.

"She said we're done. I'm not to go back to the Precinct."

"What about dating?"

He scoffed, "Dating?"

"Richard," she warned in a tone only he understood.

He sighed, defusing a little, "It's over. I pried into her mother's case and she didn't appreciate it one bit."

"Oh dear," Martha responded, then said, "Well, you need to find a way to mend it with her."

"She was very angry, no, pissed off to the max and she's hurting. I'm the one who hurt her. I didn't want that. I promised I would never hurt her. She won't have me back."

Martha pressed her lips together in thought, then asked, "Do you have feelings for her?"

"Of course, I do. She's…." he choked.

She leaned in encouraged him, "Go on … she's?"

"Everything."

"Do you love her."

Rick tilted his head back, looked at the ceiling then closed his eyes in thought about how he felt about Kate. She was his favourite person in the world beside his daughter. She made him happy, very happy. "Yeah, I love her. I did the moment I laid my eyes on her."

"Have you told her you love her?"

He slowly shook his head, "Never. Wanted to a thousand times. Saying it would only serve terrify her. She will have to say it first in her time."

Martha reached out and stroked her son's shoulder, "Then you have to find a way to make amends with her, especially if you think she's the one."

Rick opened his eyes, looked back at his mother and blinked several times attempting to stop the tears welling up. He was in so much pain internally that the anger had subsided. He didn't know whether to sit down and cry or grab a bottle of Scotch and drink it dry. He pressed his hand to his nose to ease the mounting tears.

"She was a mess. A total mess when I left her place."

"You should have stayed there."

"She didn't give me that choice."

"Oh. Would you like a Scotch, Honey?" His mother asked, "Let's share a night cap."

"Good idea, Mom."

After she went to bed, Rick retreated into this bedroom, wanting to be alone. Using a remote, he flicked on the radio, needing noise to drown out his thoughts.

The bottle of Scotch was the first thing Kate reached for after she slammed and locked the door behind Castle. Tears streamed down her cheeks when she stumbled across the living area to her liquor cabinet. She poured a wee amount of the aged beverage into a glass, put that down on the bench, lifted the bottle and downed a couple of good swallows. She coughed. Then she splashed a bit more of it into the glass and swapped over. She downed the contents of the glass in one swallow. She then poured a generous amount and drank half of that.

"Fuck you, Castle. Fuck you for messing in my life." She flopped to the couch, her breaths sharp and shallow. Seconds after she broke down into sobs of pure despair. There was anger that he had deceived her, anger he had intruded into her personal life after she had told him not to. Like all the men she had dated, somewhere and how, they screwed up big time. They either messed in her personal life, wanted commitment, to move in or have babies. Everything she wasn't ever ready for. But this split had torn her heart apart.

She wanted to phone Lanie, but no one knew her and Rick had been dating so talking with the doctor would only mean updating her friend. Lanie would potentially be hostile for not sharing information, which was fair enough. Kate would feel the same if it were Lanie keeping secrets from her.

With the bottle in one hand the empty glass in the other, she wandered the apartment, and cried her heart out over her sudden and unexpected break up with Castle. She had said some things she already regretted. She hated herself. She hated the way she found it necessary to push men away when the relationship become too serious, too complicated or too committed or a combination of all of them. Then on top of her issues, she'd taken the high moral ground to reprimand his actions even if he had come across good information that would progress her investigation. Perhaps, and it was possible, she had over reacted and fucked it right up. Right now, the internal rage kept logical thoughts at arm's length.

At some stage, she found herself in a small alcove of her one bedroom apartment staring at her own private murder board. She was somewhere near the border of being sober and tipping to intoxicated, and knew that one more drink would do the trick. She had a wooden box sitting on an old stool that contained bits and pieces of material she thought was important even if she didn't know why so just yet. The half full glass was on the box for now.

With three fresh post it notes, she wrote in neat capital letters the full names of the other people murdered, the individuals Rick and the ME had found. She held onto them as she navigated the board, figured the most appropriate place to have them showing, then pinned them to the cork board. Those notes would remind her to follow up any avenues of investigation they might open, when she was ready. With the drink in her hand she cast her eye over the relatively bland murder board. It had run dry a long time ago but she had kept the board up in the diminishing hope that one day she might progress on the case. She'd always done this investigation alone. Castle interfering had destabilised her in ways she didn't understand just yet. Perhaps it was a shift in power, him poking into her private life for the sake of a story, that had her rattled. Intuitively, she understood it was more than that. A primal part of her, something from her youth, had been violated, caused her to react strongly and, as an adult, she needed to address it. Not right now.

Then she oddly pondered about whether he'd slept with her to get in her head, to fully understand her so he could write his novel. Had he done it before? Had he chased down other women, seduced them, all for inspiration?

He hadn't said he loved her. Neither had she. But she'd come so close to saying it to him the other night. Half a breath away.

He hadn't. Maybe he was afraid to; maybe as scared as she was to.

That hurt. She sobbed, wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and blinked.

She tipped back the drink and gulped it down. With it gone, currently burning her throat, she wandered back into the living area in search of the bottle. That last mouthful had certainly affected her senses. The clarity of her thoughts had diminished, but she still felt the awful tightness and pain in her throat and chest.

Somewhere the iPhone, the secret one, pinged because it had received a text from Castle. Castle. Their first real fight and what a doozy it had been. With the exception of her parents, while she'd been young and flighty, she had never yelled at anyone like that.

Now she was older and flighty, flightier. Her mother would have been ashamed. Would have sent her to her room. She'd never seen her parents fight like that. She'd never broken down in front of a boyfriend like she had tonight.

She accepted her behaviour had been wrong. But why did she feel so damn violated by his actions?

The secret phone was next to her work phone. She picked it up, unlocked it and read his message. It simply said he was sorry and that he would drop off any of her belongings at his place, to the Precinct soon.

She put the phone back, crossed the room and turned on her radio. Quiet music filled the silence that surrounded her. A note on desk caught her attention. In Rick's handwriting he'd jotted down a reservation for lunch tomorrow.

The song playing she liked. It took her back to a day that she and rick had gone driving for the day, like they had planned to do tomorrow. The same song had come on. Half way through it Rick had commented that he connected to the lyrics, that they reminded him of them, of her. Maroon 5. Ever since, every time she heard the song she was reminded of that day.

The secret phone beeped. She stepped to it. Saw a text from Rick that read; I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door. I've had you so many times but somehow I want more… please speak to me.

She dropped the phone and turned to the radio. He was listening in too.

Tap on my window, knock on my door, I want to make you feel beautiful, I know I tend to get so insecure … Doesn't matter anymore, It's not always rainbows and butterflies, It's compromise that moves us along, yeah, My heart is full and my door's always open, You come anytime you wa-

She turned off the radio. Enough of that song. She poured what was left of the Scotch into the glass. The song was hurting, maiming her heart. She sunk to the couch, drank and cried.

She'd never been so heartbroken in her life because of a man.