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The issue between them about investigating the murder is a pivotal point in the overall story arc so this part cannot be slipped out. We all know there isn't a story without conflict. And we continue …

Chapter 49

James Beckett folded the sheets of note paper that were stained with his daughter's handwritten notes. He slowly gave them back to her while thinking about how much her cursive script was like her mother's. It was Sunday, which had his daughter out of detective clothing and in a cute bright coloured summer dress. The way she had styled her hair, she was the image of her late mother at about the same age. She didn't intend to be. He'd seen his niece Sophia a few days earlier, a woman who could easily pass as a sister to Kate. They were similar enough, that people often thought they were sisters rather than cousins. He didn't see much of himself at all in Kate.

"It's interesting information, Katie."

"Paid a high price for it, Dad." She slipped the paper into the brown suede bag that sat beside her.

"You didn't have to pay it."

"I did."

"Why? I know you asked him not to look into your Mother's case."

"Begged." She uttered before she had a mouthful of coffee.

"Begged, yes. Let's ignore that lack of respect to your wishes for a minute," he suggested and waited for his daughter's agreement which she gave with a slow blink of her eyes, "He did look into it, and he found new information. Isn't that more important?"

"Dad, I told him to leave it," she stubbornly stated.

He sat back on the café chair, scratched his head. She was also as tenacious at her mother could be, if not more. "Kate. Honey." He leaned forward again and softly asked, "Are you simply pissed at him because he found new clues that you couldn't find or is there something else?"

"Da-"

"Hear me out, Kate." He took her hand in his over the coffee table. "I mean, you are an exceptionally good cop, and maybe," he paused, "just maybe could you be a little threatened by Castle's ability to solve crimes. You are competitive. You always were."

For several moments, Kate stared out the window of the café, particularly at a couple who had a young child and a German Shepherd dog. She thought about her Dad's suggestion. Briefly, she acknowledged she wanted a family one day like she saw outside, and she pictured Rick being the person, who in this scenario, held the leash connected to the dog. She blinked, as she focused on her father and the subject of their conversation. Her insecurities.

"Dad, he has an ability to see the story and that helps put the clues together. I'm not envious of that."

"Are you angry at him for finding the clues so fast?" Jim asked as tactfully as possible.

"Yes, and no. He took the file to an unbiased ME and that ME has access to a database that he used to find similar cases. It could have been just a factor of time. I was asking a long time ago and got nowhere. The ME's are dead or gone and there are new people there now, who didn't know the history of the case."

"You're saying that time allowed new developments, fresh eyes."

"Yes, and Castle approached the best person for the job."

"Then why are you furious at him for helping you?"

"Dad." She sighed.

"Your mother was far better at tapping into your emotions, your thought processes, but I'm having a guess here, for if it isn't jealousy, then there is something else that is the problem. What Rick found was your excuse to break up with him."

Kate swallowed trying to suppress the lump building in her throat. Tears welled in her eyes and she pulled away her hands to wipe her cheeks. She whispered, "I wish-"

"I do too," he quietly responded, "Did you sleep last night?"

She shook her head as she reached into the bag for tissues she soon located. "Not a minute. Barely slept since we broke up."

"Do you love him?" Jim inquired having made the decision to force her to talk.

She began to cry, choked when she attempted to answer her father. She coughed, wiped her nose.

He saw it all over her face, "You love him."

She nodded.

"Have you told him?"

After clearing her throat, she answered, "I almost told him I loved him one night a couple of weeks back. I couldn't say it."

Jim wasn't sure what to make of his daughter's behaviour. It gravely concerned him that couldn't admit to herself she loved someone. She shrunk in her chair, conscious people noticed she was upset and made every effort to suppress the emotions.

"Why couldn't you say it?" He asked.

Kate shrugged her shoulders, gazing downwards.

"Kate. You generously tell me you love me."

She nodded, picking at the edge of the coffee table, "I was so close to telling him."

"Look at me Katie." He requested when her eyes remained on her fiddling fingers. She obediently raised her eyes to his, "You should have told him."

"I'm terrified, Dad."

"Terrified to love him?"

She nodded, "That he'll be killed being with me. That I will lose him."

"Kate, your mother's death does not mean you will lose another person you love. Don't shut yourself off because you lost your mother."

"It hurt."

"I know. So, you're gonna keep Rick at arm's length because you're afraid you will lose him. Its why you break up with boyfriends and keep friends at a safe distance, at arms distance."

"No." She stared at him with reddened teary eyes. "You make me sound silly and immature." She stated, then smiled foolishly when her father gave her a smirk.

"When the shoe fits, Katherine." He watched her process the problem. He was certain she wouldn't do anything about this, that it would have to be Rick that persisted. "Kate, your mother would have loved him. She would be kicking your ass right now."

She really smiled, wiped her eyes, "Mom and Rick would have teamed up against me."

"I agree. Eat your lunch, it's getting cold." He ordered, noting she'd barely picked at the bagel filled with salad.

Kate unlocked the door to her apartment, and juggling several items in her arms, she used her butt to push open the door. Inside, she did the same thing to close it. As she headed into the living room she dumped her work laptop bag on a cabinet by the door. The aroma of flowers flooded her nostrils and she took a second to cast her eyes over the dozen or so bunches of flowers on display throughout her one bedroom apartment. She stopped dead in her tracks a little startled. A massive teddy bear was sitting on the floor of her living room, staring at her. It had to be four feet tall sitting. It was fawn in colour with a large pink ribbon choking it about its neck. His head was flopped over like he'd died of suffocation.

"What the hell? Castle!" She dropped the grocery bag on the kitchen counter careful not to knock over the bunch of flowers sitting there. She reached out to the ribbon where an envelope hung from it. She opened the envelope then the card. In Rick's handwriting a note read: Dear Kate, Please accept my apologies. Rick.

Kate slumped onto the couch, stared at the massive teddy taking up plenty of room. Her eyes then slowly took in the abundance of beautiful and exotic flowers placed about her apartment. They would have cost Rick a fortune. The manager of her apartment block had been delivering the gifts on a daily basis. She had texted Rick to stop. He had for two days and had then resumed, proving a note that said she hadn't indicated how long to stop for.

She ran her hands through her hair then cast her eyes down her body. She needed to get out of her yoga clothes and into the shower. It was late. And thinking about Castle is one thing she'd been trying not to do all day. Her body craved his touch, his company, his scent. Her brain longed for his intellectual stimulation. She missed him and wanted him, but nearly five weeks on she still didn't know how to resolve her own issues.

She got up, to put the food away. A session with her therapist hadn't provided her with much of a resolution but had served to reinforce just how much emotional baggage she carried. She accepted everyone had their own set of issues buried inside at varying depths but according to her private psychologist, Dr Marilyn Baker, she just had trouble forgiving and moving on. Simple. She headed to the bathroom for a shower, carrying the life size soft toy with her. She would figure it out. On the edge of the bed she checked her secret phone for a call or a text from Castle. There was nothing today. Her fingers hovered over the letters, her mind contemplated how she could break the ice. He'd be awake. It was a given. He only went to bed early if he was exhausted or they were going to make love. She tapped out Hey and then paused.

Her head tilted back as she cast her eyes toward the ceiling. She wanted him. She wanted his arms around her. She wanted to kiss him, desperately wanted him inside her. The intimacy they shared she had never experienced with anyone else and she missed that, missed everything about him and them.

She growled herself, at her own determination to prove a point, to hold out this long and miss out on so much.

She'd been edgy for days because of all that and a co-worker had noticed her prickly behaviour. One detective coming off the night shift had off-handedly implied Beckett needed a good lay. Taken aback, Beckett had fled the breakroom with an empty mug of coffee and had gone for a taken away. The other woman was right, out of line, but right.

Frustrated, she clenched her jaw as she glared at the three letters on the phone screen.

She needed to see Rick, to make love to Rick. He was all she wanted. To do that she had to suck it up.

She hit send.

For a long time, Rick sat alone in his office in one of the leather armchairs. He nursed a Scotch in a tumbler glass, the ice long gone in one hand and his cell phone in the other, waiting. Waiting for a text a call while he stared vacantly at the flatscreen that was running through a collection of photographs he'd taken in recent times. Most of the photos were of himself and Kate spending time together. It had been three weeks since he'd seen her, touched her and it was killing him. Early in the afternoon, the guys had called him to see why he wasn't showing up at the Precinct. Apparently, Beckett was being tight lipped about him. His last ditched effort to break down her wall had taken place today. He'd come across an enormous soft toy bear and had taken it to her apartment and slipped the apartment manager a twenty to deliver it to her home. Rick had gone home to be with his daughter. She was now in bed, most likely asleep.

He pondered over what Kate would have done with the bear, aware it would be one of two reactions. She would hate or love it.

His mother heels sounded on the floor boards. Quickly he shut off the TV, aware she would make a beeline from the front door to his office.

"Richard, you're still up."

"Yes, I am. Just finishing up a night cap. Did you have a nice evening?" He brightened up as his mother made her entrance.

"Yes. Delightful." She sat in the second armchair and studied his face. "Had a lovely dinner with great company. Good night. You-"

"I know, I look tired." He said before she started on him.

"Have you heard from her?"

He shook his head, "Nothing."

"At all?"

"Yeah. She's gone. Scared her too much."

"Well, she might come to her senses, Richard."

"I doubt it. Been almost four weeks so I've decided to let her go."

"Alright. Well, I'm gonna go to bed. You should be there too. You have that meeting tomorrow with your agent and the promo thing she's been going on about for the magazine."

"Yeah… that promo thing," he echoed distracted by his secret phone sparking to life in his hand. He sat up, nearly spilling his drink.

A single message read, Hey.

"Ground control to Major Tom," Castle mumbled as a smile spread over his face. "Fuck me."

He downed his drink.

About two weeks later …

"Beckett! in my office. Now." Montgomery called out as he paced from the elevator to his office. He was dressed in a good suit. That heavily implied he'd been stuck in meetings most of the morning at 1PP. Everyone knew he disliked Police formalities and usually came from 1PP in a foul mood.

"Sir?" Kate sprung out of her chair, a knot quickly developing in her gut.

"Don't Sir me. Just get your ass in here now." The Captain sounded pissed. The boys kept their heads lowered but their eyes nervously looked at her in question as she walked the ten or so steps across the bullpen to the office. She shrugged her shoulders at the boys, gesturing with her hands she at a loss about what she had done. It would be easier to take the heat if she had a heads up and could prepare for the onslaught. She followed the Captain into his office as he stepped around his desk.

"Shut the door." He said his back to her.

"Shit." She hissed and pushed the door closed, giving Ryan a please help me look. It was his turn to shrug his shoulders and frown apologetically. She poked out her tongue at him and saw him laugh.

With the door shut, the Captain turned about, glanced up to see a very anxious woman which was exactly the state of mind he wanted her in. A little spooked and unsure about what was about to happen. He left the room silent for several long seconds. He placed his case onto the desk and unpacked his lap top, then said with a better mannered voice, "Take a seat, Detective Beckett."

She almost collapsed in the chair, which provoked him to want to laugh but he held it in. Her eyes were wide and alert.

He pulled his chair to the right position then sat, elbows resting on the chair arms, his fingers forming a triangle in front of him. He gave her a troubled, concerned look, and in return she gave him a worried but inquisitive expression.

"What's going on, Kate?" He quietly asked scanning his best detective from head to thighs. From thereon down, the desk blocked his view. She'd lost weight if that were at all possible and she seemed tired and flat. That sparkle had gone from her eyes. Whatever she had going on internally, she worked her butt off as usual, and gave every ounce of her flesh to the job. He was aware there was one important element of Kate that had been constantly missing in action recently.

"Sir?"

"Don't Sir me. You know what I'm talking about."

Kate's body immediately slumped in the chair and she vacantly, tiredly, replied, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Okay. I'll play along here, Beckett."

"Roy?" She queried.

"Let's address the elephant in the room, Kate."

Kate stared at his desk top, unable to believe she was about to be reprimanded over Castle not being at the Precinct with her team. What else could it be? The man's absence was deafeningly obvious to the entire homicide branch of the 12th. She swallowed, then said, "I need more information."

"Where's Castle? Where has he been for the past four weeks?"

"Five weeks, Sir." She could have kicked herself for correcting him so quickly.

"There you go. Five weeks, huh? Time does fly."

Kate acknowledged her agreement with a single nod, "It does." However, she thought the past five weeks had pathetically dragged on.

"Why hasn't he been around? He follows you like a damn puppy."

She smirked, in amusement and disappointment. "I know he does."

"So why isn't he with you, working with your team?"

Kate inhaled deeply then confessed through clenched teeth. "We had a fight." She felt so awkward, like she was talking to her Dad about sex.

"A fight, about?"

"He did something really stupid after I told him not to."

"Elaborate. I need to know because the Mayor is gonna find out sooner or later, Kate, and I don't want any surprises."

"I don't think it will be a problem, Sir. We had a big fight."

"Over?"

"My mother's murder." She lifted her eyes to his and stayed there, hoping he would understand. He of all people would be in the best position to understand where she was coming from.

"Yikes. Alright." Montgomery said fidgeting a little. He glanced out of the office to Ryan and Esposito, wondered whether they knew and if so, why the hell they hadn't shared the news with him. He trained his eyes on Beckett and asked, "Is he okay?"

Kate's mouth dropped open, then closed, and she sat up straight, "Is he okay?" She echoed, in partial disbelief. "You sound like you're more concerned for Castle, than me."

"I know you. I know how hard you would have gone at him."

"Captain, he invaded my privacy, investigated my mother's murder behind my back," she persisted.

"Maybe so, but did he find anything new? Make any advances?"

Kate stared out the window, fiddling with her fingers and thinking. It still upset her about what he'd done but the break up had been worse, far worse. Her own stubbornness had broken her heart. She missed Castle probably more than she missed her mother. And knowing he walked the same city as her, made it harder.

"Well?"

She nodded without looking back at him, aware his brown eyes would be observing every move she made. He'd taught her to read people, to interrogate and extract information out of others. He was a master at it and she was merely his student.

"What did he find out?" He asked in a softer tone.

"That other people were murdered with the same knife, same manner as my mom, at about the same time. The ME's at the time didn't pick it up and now they're dead too."

"So, you're angry at him because he showed you up and found something, or because he re-opened old wounds?"

Kate fidgeted in discomfort. Montgomery sure knew how to press her buttons. She cleared her throat, then replied, "A bit of both. There's a lot more to it than just the case."

"Beckett, I know you two were sleeping together."

Her eyes shot up in surprise, then she guarded herself, wondering whether he was just poking about. "No, Sir."

"Kate, I know, and I let it happen because you need someone like, Castle. He's good for you. He's stops you from drowning in the job, in yourself."

"Maybe." She smiled and wiped a tear from her left cheek. "He's a pain in the ass, Roy."

"He might be a pain in the ass and I won't dispute that, Katie, but he is genius at solving crimes and figuring you out."

"He hasn't figured me out," she objected.

The Captain leaned back, took in the detective for several moments in amusement at her denial. "One Saturday evening not that long ago, I took my wife out to dinner to a new place some writer recommended. Evidently, we saw you there with Castle. You were laughing so hard at what he was talking about. We heard your laughter when we walked in the joint."

Kate's brow knotted in thought and she felt her cheeks heat up. She hadn't seen Montgomery out anywhere. "It was me?"

"It was you."

"At the steak place," she stated and saw him give a nod. "You didn't say anything." She recollected Rick was telling her stories about events in his life. "He can be funny."

"You were having a lot of fun."

"You haven't stopped us working together." She mentioned.

"And I won't," he confirmed, "Besides, you were just out having a meal together. It doesn't mean a thing. Now, what I want you to do is fix the problem you have with him, put it behind you and get him back here working with you."

"No." She replied, then defiantly pressed her lips together. She'd tried and it hadn't worked.

"You're aware that was an order, right?

"I can't do that, Sir, I already tried." It was followed with a sigh and her shoulders slumped. "He's gone."

Captain Montgomery observed the young detective was beginning to expose her true feelings, saw the personal battle going on within her.

"I saw him at the Mayor's poker night a few nights back. He told me he's been at the Hamptons. He said he hadn't had a chance to drop by. I know that was a cover. You need to reach out, Kate."

"He didn't reply to a text I sent him." Kate confessed, uncomfortable and beginning to feel angry about this reprimand.

"Try again. He's your partner until you're given other orders, is that clear?"

"What if I was sleeping with him? We're not allowed to sleep with co-workers."

"Last time I checked, his name wasn't on my payroll. I can continue to choose to look the other way. You have three days to think this out and resolve it. I want to see his ass back in that lousy chair he has taken possession of."

"Yes, Sir." Kate stood up, not seeing any sense in arguing over an issue that wasn't black and white, but filled with a lot of grey. She was too tired, and now stressed because she had to amend problems with Castle. She paused at the door and turned back to look at her Captain. "We've tried our best to keep it a secret from everyone, Roy. You caught us."

"I saw two friends meeting for dinner. That's what it looked like."

"What gave us away?"

The Captain smiled knowingly, "You. After you broke things off with him. You successfully concealed it until then. You've been miserable. I know you, girl. I've seen how happy he makes you too, how much you've grown. Go on, get out of here. I won't tell anyone so long as you sort it out with him. I want to see the happy Detective back in action."

She softly smiled, wiped her eyes.

"Oh, and you had better act pissed. Those boys are dying to know what I'm reprimanding you about."

"Yes, Sir." With that, she put on the Detective face, clenched her jaw and swung open the door. She strode out of the office, saying, "Yes, Sir, I will get right on to it." She rolled her eyes ensuring the boys saw her. They immediately got back to work.

Montgomery laughed to himself, as he looked through his emails. He found the one from some magazine, asking if they could do a photo shoot inside the Precinct. That very morning he'd obtained approval from 1PP to grant permission to go ahead, so he needed to send a response. Beckett thought she had three days to clear things up with the writer, when in fact, she only had two.

In the breakroom a few minutes later, while she had Castle's machine make her a coffee, she scanned through their text messages on her secret phone. Castle had stopped texting her almost three weeks ago. He had tried every avenue he could think of to get her to respond and she had on the most part, ignored him. Her apartment was crowded with flowers and soft toys he'd had delivered, all the notes saying the same sort of thing. Her text to him hadn't been replied.

The machine gurgled to a stop. She picked up her mug of brew and carried it to the table she sat at. Lanie had dropped by the other night unexpectedly so Kate had been forced to pretend she was ducking out for dinner when her friend had arrived. They ended up in a coffee shop. Lanie had been within inches of discovering her secret life. The house looked like a florist's shop, with red, pink, hybrid roses, gerberas of all colours, teddy bears of all shapes and sizes. Then the last gift had been a simple sheet of white paper in a white envelope, and all he had written was "I'm sorry."

She still needed time, and for him to accept and acknowledge he'd invaded her privacy.

"Bloody hell," she whispered to herself.

"About what?" Esposito asked.

"Nothing. Just something the Captain wants me to do for him."

"Oh. Did I see you using Castle's coffee machine?"

She nodded. "I figured out how to use it in his absence."

"When is writer boy coming back on board? I miss his antics."

"Seems everyone does," she replied looking up at him then about the bullpen. That was the problem, the famous writer was popular amongst her peers because he was genuinely a nice guy. Every day without fail she was asked when he was returning and everyone respected his chair. Not a sole had stolen it.

"Have you heard from him?"

"Arr. no, not really." She thought again about the gifts.

"My auntie wants a copy of the new book signed. She's been on at me since she found out its getting released soon."

"Ask him." she encouraged. "Why don't you give him a call and see what he's up to. He's your friend too." Kate suggested. That was a way of luring the writer back to the Precinct.

"I will." He pulled out his phone as he started to make coffees for himself and Ryan. "Dude! Hey. How's it going?"

Kate rolled her eyes. Then the pang of jealousy hit her. She had the biggest urge to snatch Espo's phone from him.

"Yeah, she's here… sitting around meant to be doing paper work but she's playing on her phone. We have no murder to solve and an hour left of our shift."

Kate's phone immediately got put away and she stood up. She took the coffee and returned to her desk. Three days to rectify things.