Chapter 52

Rick stayed with Kate for the phone call to the victim's wife to give her the news that they had found the murderer, that he was under arrest and had been charged and retained without bail. The conversation was short, but Kate as always, was compassionate and explained what would happen going forward.

She hung up the call then sat back in her seat.

"So, how is she?" Rick asked, relaxing in his old chair. He had his jacket back on and was happy to see Kate was comfortable and warm again. Since their brief but meaningful discussion in the car she was conversing with him without sounding pissed off.

Kate looked at him, at the desk top, "It's hard, when everything you thought you knew turns out to be a lie."

"Well, not everything was a lie. Not her husband's love. I mean, sometimes we do the wrong thing for the right reasons," Rick replied, hoping she would pick up on his subtext.

Kate thought about his comment for a couple of seconds then said, "So case is closed, I guess your Cosmo story gets a happy ending."

"Speaking of happy endings, thanks for saving my life."

"Oh, I was just trying to avoid the paperwork," she teased.

"Ahh, of course," Rick smiled with a nod of his head, "We make a pretty good team, you know. Like Starsky and Hutch. Tango and Cash. Turner and Hooch."

"You know, now that you mention it, you do remind me a little of Hooch," she said poker faced.

"Mm," he responded in amusement, paused, then said, "It's because you're afraid, isn't it? You're afraid if you look into your mother's death, that you will go back down that rabbit hole and lose yourself again. But it's different this time, Kate. We have good leads. We have strong leads. And you won't have to do it alone. We can do it together." He calmly insisted and immediately saw a rise in frustration.

"What if I don't want to know? Did you ever think of that? What if I'm not ready? What if the idea of catching my mom's murderer and then having to sit there and watch as he cuts some deal that puts him back on the street in ten years makes me nauseous? You dredged up my past for you, Castle. Not for me. And you're too selfish to even see it. The case is closed, Castle. We made a deal and I expect you to honour it," she said sternly and stared at him for a long while. Then she sat up, she dismissed him and returned to do her work.

For several moments, Rick tried to think of something to say to bring her back, but then he got up and walked to the elevator. He was disappointed in how events had rolled out, that Kate was so sensitive to his actions and communications.

Outside the Precinct he stood deciding how he would travel home. He wanted air, wanted some time to think about things. He walked with purpose towards home, aware it was a long walk but he needed it. Earlier in the evening she'd taken them back to their first night together. He'd been stunned into immobility when he'd sensed how afraid she was to sleep with him. Working with her on their first case she'd presented as a woman who was tough, perhaps a little bossy and independent. She was all that indeed, but then there was this other side of her, the fragile side, the woman who loved to be held in bed at night, who cuddled up to him on the sofa, who hid behind his shoulders when she was vulnerable, who cried at things she saw on TV. What was she doing sleeping alone, without him laying with her?

His phone began to ring out in his pocket. He grabbed it out to see his daughter was calling. He accepted the call.

"Hey, Honey."

"Dad? Where are you?"

"On my way home. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Just checking in. Have you eaten?"

"Of course, its late. Ate with the boys."

"Can I temp you with a jaffle?"

"Just one, Sweetie. I'll be there in ten."

"I'll see you soon, Dad."

"Okay." Rick hung up as he turned about and waved for a taxi. It was enough with the analysing and trying to figure out Beckett. He had a daughter who sounded like she wanted to talk. She was his priority. He climbed in the cab and provided directions to the driver to take him to the corner of his apartment block.

"Dad?" Alexis called from the stairs.

"I'm in here, baby girl."

She came into the office, saw he was at his laptop. "You're writing. What a surprise."

"It's time," he replied.

"And Beckett?" She cautiously asked.

Rick shook his head aware Alexis knew he was very fond of working at the Precinct with his team.

"Can she do that, stop you? I thought it was an agreement between you and the 1PP."

"If Beckett doesn't want me there, I won't push it." He frowned, overall disappointed in the way events had rolled out.

"I'm sorry, Dad."

He dismissed his woes, noticing his daughter seemed a little disappointed. "So, how was the movie?" He inquired while pretending to be nonchalant about not resolving things with Beckett. His daughter had enough going on without his issues. He shut his computer lid down when he saw the disappointment over his daughter's face.

"We didn't go."

"Why not?" He was concerned because she had been looking forward to the evening.

"Owen."

"What happened?"

"He was playing video games and lost track of time. By the time he showed up, it was too late." She shrugged her shoulders implying she didn't care but it was all over her she was disappointed.

"Sorry, Sweetheart."

"And then, when he did show up, he tried to act like it was no big deal. Like I'm overreacting. I mean, he didn't even call." She paused a moment, looking over him and he thought about how intellectual his daughter was, how sensitive. Just like the woman he loved. She overreacted on things he thought were minor, but to Kate they were enormous problems.

"Why do boys do that? Why do they always have to justify everything? Why can't they just say they're sorry?" She asked, looking to her father for an answer.

Rick attempted to answer, but his brain came up with nothing. He didn't have anything, and even if he did, it would be another excuse on behalf of his sex. Then a thought hit him like a lightning strike. He shot up out of his chair, excited. He rushed around the table to hug his daughter, "Thank you." He held her by the upper arms and kissed her forehead. "I've gotta go, Honey. Owen will figure it out and when he does, listen and accept." He gave her a light squeeze.

"Beckett?" She asked a little bewildered.

"Yes. I've got one more shot at this." He replied, "And I have to do it."

Fifteen or something minutes later, Rick walked out of the elevator at the 12th Precinct, noting most of the cops had gone home. The further he stepped, he saw that the one cop he really wanted to see, was still seated at her desk finishing reports. If she completed them tonight he knew she would have two or three days off duty. He walked to her desk and stopped by his chair.

Beckett momentarily raised her eyes up at the movement and saw him, obviously a little surprised he was back.

He had her attention for now so he began to speak, trusting himself to say the write words, "I'm sorry. What I did was wrong. I violated your trust. I opened old wounds and I did not respect your wishes. And if we're not going to see each other again, then you deserve to know, I'm very, very sorry." He was finished. He turned and began to walk in the direction he had just come from.

From her seat, Kate stared at Castle as he walked away, suddenly in a panic because he had finally apologised for the right reason and he was leaving.

"Castle?" She called and waited for him to turn about. She said, without showing any feelings, "I'll see you tomorrow." Her eyes returned to her notes.

Rick stared at her for too long. With such simplicity, she had let him back to be her partner. He had another chance to be with her. He resumed his departure from the Precinct to go home to bed feeling reassured that tomorrow would be a better day.

It was well after midnight when Kate rode the elevator to the top floor, her mind vacant of any thoughts other than the taste she had in her mouth, that was busy sucking on a red lollypop she was almost done with. When the doors opened, she stepped out onto the penthouse floor. Before she embarked on a rather significant moment, she wrapped the lollypop back in the plastic wrapper, slipped it into the side pocket of her bag then checked herself in the hall mirror. She applied pale pink lipstick, amused at how red her tongue was. The nerves spiked when she stopped at a familiar brown door she hadn't entered in a while. No one in her life had caused her to feel the emotions she experienced when it came to this guy. Using her personal phone, she sent a text message.

I'm at your front door.

She waited. There was a sudden thump inside the apartment. Her eyes widened in partial amusement.

You're kidding me.

Came straight back.

Not kidding.

She knocked lightly on the wood to prove a point.

Waiting, she peered down at her body feeling very afraid he wouldn't want to be with her anymore. Shortly after his brief appearance at the Precinct, she'd retreated directly home to seeking sanctuary. During a long shower she'd thought about everything, how much she'd given up to be such an immature and stubborn bitch. She was the one who had missed out on having fun with Rick. Staring at the door she reflected she'd absently dressed into yoga pants while contemplating whether it was too late to go and try to make amends. Here she was standing at his doorway, with butterflies fluttering in her tummy. She felt nauseas. She wanted this minute over. Whatever he served her, she deserved it. This was her, finally willing to step up and be the woman she was nowadays rather than the frightened teenager who had tragically lost her Mother and been left to take care of a father who had hit the bottle big time. It wasn't appropriate to let that teenager take over again.

Soft footfalls sounded on the other side of the door. The lock was fiddled with. The door swung open.

She shyly looked up to Rick's face. His smile changed to a perfect grin.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Hi." It was a timid response.

He waved his right hand in front of his mouth, "Your tongue is all red."

"Lollipop."

"Arr. I have more of those inside," he paused, sobered then stated, "You said tomorrow."

"It is tomorrow." She dropped her phone into her bag, wishing he would ask her inside.

"Technically, yes it is." His eyes scanned her from head to toe, "Kate?"

It was a tone that demanded her full attention and in return she looked right at him, "Mm?"

"Are we past the problem?" He asked, maintaining his stance in the doorway, obviously reluctant to let her in.

Kate accepted that Rick had every right to be a bastard, even if she had to suffer it for a while. However, as always, he remained the polite, gentle man she'd come so familiar with.

"Rick, I've come to terms with the fact that your intentions, when you investigated my mom's murder were genuine, that you wanted to help me. You apologised with a thousand flowers and ten teddies, but I only needed you to acknowledge how it hurt me, and that you have done." She felt awkward, ashamed for having taken so long to break the silence between them, "I'm not that good at relationships, Castle, but I shouldn't have let this drag out for so long. I should have made an effort to talk with you earlier and I apologise for that."

"I only wanted-" he stopped himself because he'd already explained himself and it was no longer about his actions. "I'm not that good either."

"Castle? I can't get obsessed," she told him hearing a tone in her voice that demonstrated she was fearful she would.

"I won't let you, Kate."

"We have to do it together. You apply brakes when I'm out of control."

"Deal." He reached out to her bag, clutched it by the strap and extracted from her shoulder. "It's hard to have a serious conversation with your mouth all red."

Initially she smiled cautiously and it broadened when she saw him let go of her bag to the floor inside the loft.

He grinned, and opened his arms, "C'mere." It was softly requested.

Kate leapt to him, her arms wrapped around his neck, her legs around his body and he cupped her buttocks in support.

"God, Baby, I've missed you so much." He kicked the door shut, locked it and carried Kate towards the bedroom.

"Me too. So much."

"What you wearing underneath your yoga clothing?"

Instantly Kate pulled back grabbing his shoulders to hold herself up. She glared at him. "Seriously?"

"No." He laughed. "I did it to get a raise out of you. It worked." His step faltered when Kate suddenly leaned in and kissed him hard clutched his head. He emitted a contented moan, his tone full of want. He stopped to steady himself, responding to her advances equally as keen.

They lay together in the bed, Rick on his back, Kate's long lean body down the length of his, her head on his right shoulder. They were quiet, having just settled into the most comfortable position they had as a pair. For several minutes he combed his fingers through her hair, soaking in the realism she was back, that she was with him. He wanted to be the man who made her happy.

It didn't take long for Kate to doze off, her palm resting over his heart. Once he was certain she was asleep, he relaxed, happy he had her back and could keep her safe. He too fell to sleep.

Rick's eyes opened wide the second Kate's hand strongly pushed against his ribs. She whimpered several words he didn't understand. Cop dreams. Her fingers clutched at his t-shirt, let go, slid over his chest. The dream quietened for a minute or so.

She woke with a cry and her body jumped. "Rick?"

"It's okay." He whispered into the darkness. "You're safe," he reminded.

"Mm."

He half rotated on to his side towards Kate to embrace her and drew her in closer. His forehead pressed to hers. She breathed shallow and he sensed she was upset.

"Babe." She barely whispered. "I missed you."

"Every second?"

"Mm."

"I got in there," he whispered, then pressed his lips to her forehead. In the darkness, his eyes closed, he was fully focused on the other person with him. Her breathing was shallow, her body trembled and her shoulder rotated back a little when he touched her body over her heart. "Baby." He exhaled.

"Castle." Her tone was tired, weak.

"Broke the surface didn't I." He completely closed in the space between them, "I got inside your heart and it scared the shit out of you."

She gave a whimper in response, her fingers finding the side of his face.

"You were gonna say something to me that night-" He paused, "You were on top of me, in bed. You started-"

"Mm." She nodded just the once.

"You stopped."

She shook her head.

"You …don't need … to tell me .." he whispered lightly kissing her face.

"Just words."

"Shhh….You show me how you feel, Honey."

For several seconds she breathed, held his head, "I do?"

"Mm."

She brushed her lips against his cheek. "Are you scared?"

He smiled, hearing hesitation and felt her fingers touch his smile, follow the outline of his lips. She made a squeak of contentment.

"About?" He asked.

"Us."

"About loving you?" He asked curiously

"Mm."

"That doesn't scare me." He paused, allowed himself to accept the emotions he'd experienced when they'd been apart, "You not being in my life scares me."

She released a whimpered cry. "You still wanna be with me?"

"Oh yeah."

The caresses ceased, her fingers stilled and her lips came off his skin. "With me." She breathed deeper.

"Since the moment I laid eyes on you." He took a long deep breath, "Don't be scared."

"I'm not." She pressed her lips to his, "Castle?"

"Mm?"
"Help me sleep."

"C'mere." He opened his arm as Kate did a 180 degree turn then wriggled up against him into a tight spooning position her head resting on his right arm. He then pulled up the bed sheet and wrapped his arm around her. She relaxed, her fingers entwined in his.

"I missed you so much," she whispered.

Rick buried his face in her hair, held her firmly and thought about the nights he'd spent alone imagining she was with him.

"I missed you," she repeated. "I missed this."

"Me too. We'll be okay, Kate."

"We'll be okay," she echoed.

It was late when Rick woke up and it was only because his arm was in pain from being in the same position for a long time. He opened his eyes to a mass of dark hair, hair that smelt so good it caused him to smile. She had really come back to him. She was asleep, deep asleep. Their night had been disturbed by dreams until about 5.00 am when she had begun to sleep soundly. He pushed himself up to a sit and without arousing Kate he got himself out of the bed and went to the bathroom.

When he came from the en suite a while later fresh out of the shower he peered down at Beckett who was curled up on her side dead centre in the bed. He dressed.

The daughter was in the kitchen cooking breakfast and brewing coffee. He put his hands to her upper arms and kissed her hair. "Good morning."

"Morning, Dad.' She smiled, when he wrapped her in his embrace for a hug. "You seem happy this morning."

"Because I am." He let her go. "What you cooking?"

"Just oats. Want some?"

"Arrh, no thanks. I will start with the coffee." He grabbed a couple of mugs.

"How did things go last night?" She quietly asked, her eyes glancing to the front door. Rick's gaze followed and he saw the bag on the floor.

"Oh yeah. Kate dropped by last night."

"She's still here?"

He nodded, "She's asleep. She came off a double shift."

"Did she apologise?"

Rick frowned, rubbed the back of his neck, aware of where this was going as far as Alexis was concerned. "It's not about that, Alexis. We've talked a few times and we've sorted it out."

"She's –" Alexis stopped speaking the second she noticed her father's expression. She resumed preparation of their breakfast. "Dad, is it okay if I meet friends for the day?"

"So long as you have fun and be home before the street lights come on." He smiled, took a first sip of coffee and paused to savour its qualities on his taste buds. "Flavour country."

They ate at the kitchen counter, their conversation mainly about his experience with the Russian poker game and what Beckett had done when she had saved his ass. Because she had cooked Castle let his daughter go to get herself ready for the day. He cleaned up their breakfast dishes, then decided to remove Kate's bag from the door way before his mother sighted it. The bag was left at the end of the bed. A quick check on Kate showed him she was in exactly the same position he'd last seen her in so he continued through to the study to do some writing.