Chapter 3: And They All Lived Happily Ever…. Oh…
[Goku is on the Nimbus and Piccolo is flying]
Goku: Piccolo, mind if I ask you something?
Piccolo: What is it?
Goku: You're not human either, right?
Piccolo: Yeah.
Goku: And your dad spit you out as an egg, right?
"I TOLD YOU!" Natsu shouts at Lucy while pointing at the screen.
"WE MEANT HUMANS YOU IDIOT!" Lucy screams back.
Piccolo: What about it?
Goku: Are…are you a Yoshi?
"What's a Yoshi? It sounds cute!" Asaka's cute voice rang out.
Piccolo: [sarcastically] Yes, Goku. I'm a green f*cking dinosaur.
Asaka's parents covered her ears, but she heard the dinosaur part.
Goku: Can…can I ride you?
Piccolo: Grrr…
"That could be misinterpreted" Cana said as she continued to get drunk.
Her words caused Levy and Lucy to blush, making the two think about some adult books they've read.
[intro theme]
Gohan: [crying]
Raditz: Shut up. I said shut up! SHUT UP! Dammit. Why isn't screaming angrily making you cry less? I'll fix you with the timeout ball. [tosses Gohan inside his pod]
Raditz's actions cause the whole guild to growl in anger at the mistreatment of Gohan.
"I really wanna beat the crap out of this guy" Natsu growls out as his hands begin to smoke.
Thank sweet merciful god that's over. Now I'm gonna sit back and– [his scouter goes off] –beat the crap out of whoever's coming. [sighs] Great…
[Goku and Piccolo approach]
Goku: Raditz! Gimme back my son! [he jumps off the Nimbus] Wheeeee!
[Goku and Piccolo land]
"Riding that cloud looks really fun," Wendy smiles brightly imagining herself riding the Nimbus. Carla looks apprehensive, "That cloud is probably dangerous, it's better if I fly you around."
Wendy doesn't hear her as she's still in her own imagination.
Raditz: So, you're here already. And I see you brought the Namkeian as well.
"Huh?" Levy quirks up on that information.
Goku: Actually that hasn't been explained yet.
Levy saves that tidbit of information for later.
Raditz: Oh. Well, it's not like anyone cares about it anyway.
Piccolo: Well screw you too! [he throws his cape and hat off]
"Yeah, screw you!" Natsu and Romeo shouted together.
Goku: Piccolo, you use weighted training clothes as well?
Piccolo: [sarcastically] No, Goku; I just love to get naked when I'm around you.
"Weighted clothing? I can see the benefit in wearing clothes like that" Erza speaks thoughtfully. Meanwhile both Levy's and Lucy's faces are red from Piccolo's words.
Raditz: Their power level is rising. So. Nudity makes you stronger on this planet. [zipping sound]
"Uhhhhhhh….."
Goku: Uh… no. We're wearing weighted clothing.
[zipping sound again]
Raditz: Of course! Because that would be ridiculous! Ahahaha!
[wind blowing]
"This is still just sad," Gajeel complains.
Piccolo: So that hair does compensate for something.
Natsu and Gray both stifle their laughter while looking at Gajeel.
A tick mark appears on the Iron Dragon Slayer's head. "WHAT'S SO FUNNY HUH!?"
The two burst out laughing until a glare from Erza shuts them up.
Raditz: SHUT UP. [he attacks but Goku and Piccolo rebound easily]
Piccolo: Okay, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT.
Goku: I don't know. But let's try it again. From behind!
[they try attacking Raditz but he kicks them in the face]
Piccolo: We REALLY shouldn't be announcing our attack strategy!
"Who the hell would just shout their attack strategy to their opponent," Romeo asks out loud.
Most of the members whistle while not looking anyone in the eyes.
Goku: Rush him!
Piccolo: DAMMIT GOKU! CAN WE AT LEAST TRY TO DODGE THIS ONE?
Goku: Dodge what? Woah geeze!
[Raditz blasts them out of the air]
Goku: Hah! You missed me!
[Raditz appears behind him]
Raditz: My bad. [he kicks Goku away]
"They are losing badly," Gray points out shocked.
"Even with the two of them Raditz has them outmatched" Erza states, not expecting the fight to be completely one-sided.
Natsu doesn't give up hope, "They'll bounce back and kick his butt! They have to save Gohan!"
The other nod their heads in agreement.
Goku: Note to self: less talky, more fighty. Hey, Piccolo. We may be taking a beating, but at least we managed to dodge that one. Hi fii– [he sees Piccolo's arm torn off] Aww handsha– Thumbs u– Good job.
Some face palm at Goku's antics.
Raditz: [laughing] Oh excuse me has anyone seen my arm? You can't miss it; it's green.
Piccolo: Yeah, anyway, listen. I've got one more attack that should do it. Upside is I can use it with one arm.
Goku: And what's the downside?
Piccolo: You'll have to distract him while I charge it.
Goku: That's not too ba–
Piccolo: For five minutes. And considering he beat us to a pulp in under one, and… Ah, never mind. I'm sure you can handle it.
Makarov raises an eyebrow. "Five minutes as a charge up time, even the strongest of spells don't take THAT long."
"It seems very impractical to use in a fight," Lisanna adds in.
"We just gotta hope that Piccolo's move is worth it" Mira tells her sister.
Goku: Wow, you really have that much faith in me?
Piccolo: [flatly] Yeah, sure. Why not?
Goku: Well then I won't disappoint you. Here goes nothin'! [he charges at Raditz] Ready or not, here I– AH!
[sounds of fighting with Goku clearly getting beaten]
Piccolo: du duh duh duh. Chargin' my attack
Gajeel laughs at Goku taking a beat down until Levy slaps his arm.
"It's funny," he complains to her.
"Now isn't the time," Levy scolds.
Goku: [grabs Raditz's tail] Hah! Got your tail!
Raditz: Please let me go?
Goku: Well, since you asked nicely… [he lets go and Raditz slaps him across the field]
"A saiyan's weak point is their tail. That's good to note down," Levy jots down on a notepad.
Happy places his paw on his chin in thought. "Wait, then where did Goku's go?" he asked.
Lucy decided to answer her blue friend. "We can only guess that they cut off his tail."
"I wonder why tho?" Juvia asked. Unfortunately nobody had an answer.
Piccolo: Perhaps, on second thought, a whole five minute start up time is pretty abysmal in terms of usability in battle.
Goku: PICCOLO HELP! Hah! Got your tail…again!
Raditz: Please let go?
Goku: I'm not falling for that again.
Raditz: Pretty please let me go?
Goku: Well…
[Raditz gets up and elbows him]
"Dammit Goku…" Erza mutters at seeing Goku's trustworthy nature backfire again.
Goku: Ooh! OW spine! [Raditz lands on top of him] OW RIBS. DEFINITELY RIBS.
Raditz: Ah haha. Attacking an opponent roughly four times your strength in a one on one battle… A cunning strategy. No, not cunning. What's the opposite of that?
Piccolo: Retarded?
"That's...not very nice," Wendy says.
Raditz: That's it; thank you! Now disregarding the Namekian, I…
Goku: Ah ah. Yoshi.
Piccolo: I'M NOT A GODDAMN YOSHI.
Goku: But you said you were!
Piccolo: IT'S CALLED SARCASM!
Goku: What's that taste like?
Piccolo: DAMMIT GOKU!
"Is his brain in his stomach, because then he's exactly like Natsu" Cana says.
"I KNOW WHAT SARCASM IS!" Natsu shouts back before pouting angrily as Lucy rubs his back.
Raditz: [steps on Goku] STOP IGNORING ME!
Goku: AH MY RIBS! I THINK YOU BROKE MY… mmm…ribs…
"Either the blood loss got to him first or he's really thinking about ribs right now," Gray ponders still wondering how Goku's brain functions.
"I could go for some ribs right now," Natsu says. Everyone else just rolls their eyes.
Raditz: [sighs in exasperation] STOP. IGNORING. ME. AND DIE! Huh? [his scouter goes off]
Gohan: STOP BEATING UP MY DADDY! [he flips out of Raditz's pod]
"WHAT THE HELL!"
Raditz: NO MY SPACE BALL! [Gohan hits him in the chest] AH! MY SPACE ARMOR!
Piccolo: WE GET IT. YOU'RE FROM SPACE.
Raditz: [gasps as he regains his footing]
"That little guy managed to hurt while both Goku and Piccolo couldn't put a dent in him," Lily gapes, amazed at Gohan's strength.
Makarov smiles happily, "That kid has potential that's for sure."
"YOU GO GOHAN!" The more rambunctious ones yelled out excitedly.
Goku: G-Gohan?
Gohan: Huh?
Goku: What…was that?
Gohan: Daddy. [he walks toward Goku]
Goku: No. No seriously. What the hell was that? We were getting slaughtered out there and you could do tha–
"Even Goku is shocked by his son's strength," Lucy spoke.
Levy nods her head. "That would make sense since Goku said that Gohan has never been trained to fight."
"So how?" Wendy asks her.
"Saiyan genetics I guess."
[Raditz walks up behind Gohan]
Goku: Oh crap…
"Oh no…"
Raditz: UNCLE RADITZ IS PISSED!
*BING*
We here at TeamFourstar do not condone child violence. We do, however, find it hilarious.
*BING*
The members of Fairy Tail all frowned at once. They didn't find child violence funny at all.
Goku: Wait. Hold on.
Raditz: Oh what. Mister Shattered Ribs is going to stop me?
Goku: You don't understand. Nothing you can ever do will compare to what Chichi would do to me if she found out he died.
"At least he's concerned for Gohan," Lucy laughs out.
"Of course he is Lucy, that's his son," Erza tells her.
"Makes me wonder who his wife is to terrify him so much," Lisanna wonders.
Raditz: [charges an attack] Well sucks to be you.
Goku: I don't have any choice. I have to use my last technique.
Raditz: NOW DIE!
Goku: FULL NELSON!
Raditz: Uh oh. Full nelson. That won't work on me. I am Raditz. [he struggles] Okay let go. Seriously this is starting to piss me off.
"This fight might just be the saddest fight I've ever seen," Gajeel says as he shakes his head.
"I agree with Gajeel on this one," Lily nods his head as well.
Levy doesn't say anything, but appreciates Goku and Piccolo for trying.
Goku: Piccolo!
Piccolo: Ready!
Goku: Just make sure you give me a signal before you fire that thing! I'm right behind him!
Piccolo: Oh sure. I'll give you a signal. It'll be the last signal you ever get. [evil laughter]
"I have a bad feeling about this," Carla speaks with worry. Everyone else in the guild shared the same sentiment.
Goku: Well, okay, as long as we're clear on that.
Piccolo: Makan– [unintelligable syllables] Oh to hell with it. Special Beam Cannon!
Goku: Is that what you're gonna yell out when you— OH GOD
"OH GOD!"
"NO!"
"WHY!?"
[Goku and Raditz land on the ground]
Raditz: Dammit. And there was no way I could've gotten out of there.
Piccolo: You know you could've flown.
Raditz: DAMN YOU HINDSIGHT! bleh [he dies]
"At least he's finally gone."
"But, at what cost?"
Krillin: [from the sky] Goku, after several hours of debate, we decided that you might need our help– Ah crap. [on the ground] Goku! You can't die! Here; I brought a senzu bean!
Goku: I don't think that's gonna work…
Krillin: Why not?
Goku: I sort of have a hole in my esophagus.
"That would do the trick," Romeo tried to lighten up the atmosphere, but it didn't work.
Krillin: Wait, then how are you breathing? [Goku dies] Goku? Goku? Holy crap. I'm not the first person to die in this series!
"Really!?" Everyone shouts at Krillin's disregard of Goku's death.
Master Roshi: Krillin!
Krillin: What?
Master Roshi: Too soon!
Bulma: I can't believe he's gone.
Piccolo: Yeah, pity that. [he shouts and his arm regenerates]
"Wait, he could do that the entire time!?" Gray yells annoyed. "Why didn't he just do it sooner!?"
"Maybe it would've taken up too much energy?" Mira explains.
Krillin: Wait, what the hell? You can regenerate?
Piccolo: Yeah. And you know what else?
Krillin: What?
Piccolo: I'm taking Gohan. Bye! [he flies off]
Krillin: Quick! Somebody stop him! [crickets chirp] Dammit Roshi!
"AGAIN WITH THIS!?"
Roshi: Shut up Krillin.
[Krillin Owned Count: 2]
Krillin: Ohh…
"Well, that was episode 2…" Mira tried to cheer everyone up.
No one jumped up in excitement. Mira decided something else.
"Let's all take a quick break before continuing," Mira finished.
Nobody argued.
Chapter End