Chapter 80

Beckett and Castle boarded a train with a bunch of other passengers. Ryan had taken his car to run down a lead, while Espo had said he would remain at Beckett's apartment until he could lock up. He would return to the Precinct in Beckett's unit.

Kate huddled closer to Castle not particularly happy with the crowd. Both glanced about the packed carriage to ensure there was no one about them they recognized. When Castle was satisfied, he lowered his gaze to two large green eyes that stared up at him, her expression serious.

"You should have stayed home," Kate quietly said. The doors to the train closed.

"No," he firmly replied. "I was where I was meant to be." He reached over Kate's shoulder to take hold of the pole and she used him for support by placing a hand to the belt of his jeans.

"They're onto us."

"Because I slept on your couch?"

"Couch?" Kate smirked, glanced away then smiled, "Hardly slept in my bed, leave alone the couch."

He smiled, "If my memory serves me right, we did spend some time doing foreplay on your couch before we progressed to the bed." He put his left hand to her neck as he said, "Its presumptuous of them saying we are doing something because I was there."

"But what if they find out, Castle?"

"We deny it until we can't." His hand fell away from her neck to find its place at her lower back to keep her steady during the movement of the train. "You just have to keep up your act because I am sure that Lanie has heard I was with you."

"Deny everything." Beckett said then pressed her lips together. "I don't know how much longer I can do this."

"Until you can't, is my guess," he answered and stared at her with a serious expression. "Keep it together, Beckett."

They rode in silence to the next stop. Passengers disembarked and boarded the train. Once again, the pair observed all the passengers in search of anyone they recognized.

As the train left the station, Beckett noticed a woman staring at them. She was instantly suspicious and wary. She was as a cop. By being one part of a secret relationship, her instincts and awareness of her surroundings were constantly heightened. It became tiring at times. Fingers pushed against his side, which gained his attention and he looked to her eyes in question. She quietly said.

"We're being watched. My ten o'clock."

"It's nothing," he replied. He couldn't help but turn his gaze in a casual manner in the direction she mentioned. Yes, there was a woman in her mid-forties he guessed with her eyeline directed on them. He turned back to Kate, aware she became unsettled with people staring at her or them. "She's just observing." He watched Kate lick her lips nervously, noticed she was busy watching the woman.

"Maybe she recognizes me," he suggested.

Beckett sighed, gave an eye roll and frowned at him.

"What?" He hissed. "You really don't appreciate you're with a famous celebrity." And that did it. She smiled. Exactly what he wanted. He smugly smiled.

"Seriously?"

"Yep. She recognizes me."

"Perhaps she thinks you're Jason Bateman."

"Ha ha! One time, and you're gonna milk that one."

"It was funny." Kate turned about in readiness to exit the train at their designation.

"You thought so. He was embarrassed." He wrapped his left arm around her waist from behind her and felt her lean into his subtle embrace. With his head near her left ear he quietly said, "You looked beautiful this morning when you got up. Very sexy."

"Really?" She slightly turned her head.

"Really." He let her go when the doors of the train slid open.

They stepped off the train and commenced their journey on foot to the morgue.

The ME greeted Beckett with a smile when she sighted the Detective push upon the swinging door. The tall woman entered the Morgue with Castle right behind. The bottle of Vicks was pulled out of her pocket. She smeared a pinch of the oily substance beneath her nose to prevent the smell of death then offered the blue bottle to Castle.

"I'm stronger than that," he replied declining the offer.

"It was time to man up?" Beckett shot him a look.

"No." He dipped his finger in the jar then swiped beneath his nose, deciding he'd rather the smell of vapor rub than the stench of death and chemicals.

Beckett greeted Lanie with a "Hey, Doctor. Good morning."

"Morning." Lanie responded. Suspicious Brown eyes observed the pair, then Lanie suggestively informed them. "I heard you two were making pancakes when the body dropped."

Instantly, Beckett's breath got stuck in her throat, and her feet became too heavy to continue on her path. A dry mouth dried and a tightened throat only caused further stress. A gentle nudge from Castle shunted her forward. She cleared her throat with a dry cough.

"Nothing happened, Lanie." Castle replied.

"Right."

Beckett decided to push through and asked, "So what have you got?" She was uncomfortable and fearful they had finally been sprung.

Castle fell in alongside Beckett, and, as Lanie turned away, his eyes met Kates.

He hissed. "Chill out."

For a moment she maintained their gaze, tried to message him she was afraid. They had so much to lose.

"There are letters carved onto the slugs." The doctor said, which drew their attention to the bullets on the glass. They drew closer and leaned in to see the bullets. "B-U-R-"

"Burn." Kate murmured, "Nikki will burn."

Castle straightened up and looked at the women, "Well, that's chilling."

"Lanie, the victim's fingerprints aren't in the system. Do you have anything that can ID her?"

"Well, I did find formaldehyde on her."

"Yeah, that's from the killer," Beckett said, "He left it on the other scenes as well."

"Not traces, Kate. It was under her fingernails, in her hair. She worked with embalming fluid. I also found traces of clay, polyurethane and animal blood. I don't know who she is, but I can tell you what she does."

Together, Castle and Beckett said, "She's a taxidermist."

Lanie smiled, "It's so cute, the way you two do that. What I want to know is, why aren't you two a couple."

"Lanie." Kate warned.

"Because she can't have a sexual relationship with her partner, being me," Rick replied to completely shut down the conversation. "And I'm seeing someone," he added. "So, I'm not available and anyway, she's…" he pointed at Becket, "Not one bit interested in dating me."

Beckett's eyes widened nearly more than Lanie's happened to, and she looked at him with an expression like she finally had found the answer to something that had bothered her for awhile. "You're dating someone? I thought you looked like you were getting laid."

The writer stared at Beckett, uncertain how to respond. Then he smirked. "Yes, I'm getting laid and yes she hits the mark."

"Really? Hits the mark, huh?"

"She does." He cleared his throat.

"What's she like? Do I know her?" Beckett asked without hesitation.

"No, I don't think you do. She's quite remarkable. Tall, brunette, gorgeous eyes, and as beautiful as a cup cake."

Beckett turned away, unable to look at him in fear she would start giggling. Her cheeks glowed. Given a second or so, she recovered and said, "I think it's time we returned to the Precinct, Kitten."

"Hold up a second." Lanie ordered Beckett when the pair went to depart.

"Wait out there." Beckett said to Castle and he obediently left the morgue.

"What is going on, Beckett? He's staying at your place and he's dating another…. Cup cake? My God."

Kate pressed her lips together. She suppressed a bout of giggles, her mind stuck on the cup cake reference. "You know Lanie," she began when she was confident she could keep it together, "He's a grown man. He can do what he likes."

"It's not you? Be he just described you, Kate."

"Mmm." She pondered. "Tall, yes, brunette, yes." Kate spoke loud and clearly. "Could be a lot of women."

"Gorgeous eyes?" Lanie wriggled at finger in the direction of Kate's eyes that widened.

"So?"

"You have gorgeous eyes and you know it."

"Maybe. But I'm not a cup cake. Bloody hell. I've gotta go back to the Precinct, Lanie. We should catch up for dinner."

"Yes. Good idea. Have a nice day with cup cake eater."

"That's his girlfriend." Kate called back as she pushed through the door way into the corridor.

"Do I need to find you a paper bag to breathe into?" Castle asked aware his partner was not only stewing on their morning, and their trip to the morgue but was bordering on having a meltdown. Surprisingly, her head wasn't wrapped up in the case, which is what she should have been focused on, but was spending a lot of time in their secret.

"Not right now." Kate replied sounding distracted, as they descended the stairs from the morgue going in the direction of the foyer. "She called you a cup cake eater."

Rick laughed. An extremely fond memory flipped into in mind of what he'd been doing about 12 hours earlier. He ceased his laughter when he caught the look Beckett shot at him.

"On my fucking God, Castle."

"C'mon, Kate. Lighten up." Totally amused, Castle again glanced at Kate, to see she was clearly and silently freaking out. There wasn't going to be any humor in this discussion. She'd lost all color in her cheeks about ten minutes ago, and by her expression, was not one bit happy with the day so far. Out on the pavement, he slipped his hand discreetly around her wrist and pulled her in the direction of a nearby coffee shop named Aussie Coffee, where he frequently bought coffee from. It had been a while and he hadn't taken the Detective there until now. Inside the store, he read the menu on the wall.

"Australian coffee," she commented.

"Yes. You've had it from here quite a bit."

"Yuss. Is this the place they have milk coffee?"

"Yes. It is."

"Oh good. Latte please."

"Vanilla?"

"No, thank you. Let's go straight up. Full cream milk."

"That's my girl. Going out on a limb." He held up their hands. "I'm gonna let go," he calmly said, "Stay where you are. Do not run away. We are going to talk."

Beckett looked from his eyes to their hands and back again. "I'll find us a table, or are we talking and walking?"

"Go find a table," he replied and briefly watched after her before he turned his attention to the woman behind the counter serving. The orders were placed then he waited for the delivery.

A tray was put in front of Beckett on the table minutes later, that she inspected. "You bought breakfast? Raisin toast?"

Castle sat, "With strawberry jam." He too took a closer look at the toast, coffee and two dishes of jam. "And French blueberry jam." He pointed at the darker blob of jam.

Beckett's smiled. "Looks delicious."

"Well, we didn't get to eat much." He handed her a knife to cut her piece of toast. "Share." He smiled, "Let's dig in."

They ate mostly in silence. Beckett was hungry and she really enjoyed the raisin toast. It was thick, hot and covered in jam.

"Are you still upset about this morning?" Castle inquired when he was done.

Beckett thought about it and eventually gave a nod but didn't pause her progress with the toast. She swallowed, looked at him her eyes full of admiration and that caused him to smile. She looked beautiful this morning despite her concerns. "I'll be fine."

"I know." He used a napkin, "But tell me. What are you worried about?"

After a couple of savored sips of coffee with her eyes almost closed, she replied, "They're gonna find out."

"If they find out then that's it," he replied. "We just deal with it." He saw the flicker of distress cross her face, the slightest flex of muscles, and in response, he leaned forward and slipped his hand over hers. "No matter what, Kate, it won't matter. So, we get found out, it will allow us to move on."

She paused eating, "Move on, how?"

"Well," he unconsciously gripped the edge of the table, having sensed the spike in fear, "We can be together with friends, build a future together." He offered.

What was left of her toast fell from her fingers and dropped to the plate. She almost choked out, "Future?" Her eyes were larger than earlier.

"Never mind." Castle let go of the table and her hand, but grabbed and clutched the cup of coffee he then quietly sipped on, now afraid to continue. He gazed about the café at the Australian décor. He thought about Beckett. She wasn't ready to talk commitment. She hated the lying they went through to keep them a secret but he found himself asking whether she was lying about lying, that she was fooling him. The way she was going, she never would be ready to commit to them.

She was fidgety.

He eventually said to relieve her. "Finish up and let's get back to the Precinct."

"I'm done." She immediately pushed the plate to the middle of the table. There was about two mouthfuls of food left on it.

Rick abruptly stood, stepped aside to slide his chair beneath the table.

"Castle? Wait."

"For how long?" He asked.

"I don't know."

"We cannot talk about us, Kate."

She quickly rose from the chair, faced him as she quietly asked. "Can we not do this now please?"

A deep breath was taken. "You know what? Let's not worry about it. Period,"

"Castle?" She queried, brow furrowed her eyes worried.

He turned about and started for the entrance having made the decision it was up to Beckett to now show him when she was ready to talk. If he was to push a little she would retreat, so she could approach him when she was confident to.

Outside, he soon heard her shoes on the concrete hurrying after him. His step slowed to let her catch up but he didn't acknowledge her after she fell in beside him. They walked together weaving between other pedestrians.

"Castle?" She attempted to slow him further with a hand to his upper arm. "I need to digest all this."

"Let's just continue to fly under the radar, Beckett." He suggested. "If we're meant to be together and people known, it will happen."

Beckett stopped.

Rick stopped too and turned with a questioning look.

"I want to be with you," she said. "I just have to progress at my pace."

"I know you do, in both instances."

"It's not about whether we're meant to be, Castle, it's just timing. I need more time."

"I heard you." He took in a deep breath, gazed over her dark hair and the highlights the sun brought to it. "I get it Kate. You're gonna be more hesitant. I'm older, have a teenage daughter and been married twice."

"In that order?"

"No." He swallowed.

"Well, no," she said, "That's not it." She looked at him. "That's not fair."

"Okay."

"I just don't want to burst our bubble." She crossed her arms. "I want to keep us a secret, I want to share it with Lanie, but I don't want to. Then I hate the cover ups. Then this morning makes it hard, because you were there Castle, and you admitted to being there all night…"

"I didn't admit it. I just didn't deny it," he objected.

"It's become too complicated." Kate walked, unable to talk about it anymore.

"Kate! Beckett!" He called but she barely broke her stride and kept going.

Rick spent the better part of several moments seething, unable to think of what to do. He watched her pace away and, left with no other choice than to follow, he proceeded onwards.

"Wait up," he shouted. This time Kate did stop and she waited. He gently tidied the collar of her coat. "Let's bench this until we can sit down and discuss it properly. Will you agree to that?"

She nodded. "I agree to that."

He smiled. "Let's go find that bastard who is messing with our lives."