Chapter 7: No One Ever Listens to the Magical Dragon

(scene changes to a dark room with swinging pendulum in the ceiling as Mr. Popo, Krillin, Yamcha, Tien holding Chiaotzu, and Yajirobe are seen walking forward)

"Weird room," Romeo comments.

"It does have a very time aesthetic," Lucy says.

KRILLIN: Um. Mr. Popo, are you sure this'll make us strong-

MR. POPO: Pecking order.

Makarov places his hand on his chin. "I should install a pecking order for every time Natsu breaks something," he says.

Natsu's face loses its color.

"I agree with you master," Erza adds in while nodding her head.

Natsu tries to make himself small. Gray and Gajeel laugh at his misfortune.

KRILLIN: Sorry!

(everyone arrives at the Pendulum Room)

MR. POPO: Damn right you are. Now, stand in this circle here.

(everyone minus Yajirobe are seen standing on the magic circle)

TIEN: You mean, like this?

MR. POPO: Yeah. Bye!

KRILLIN: Wait, what?!

(everyone gets teleported to another dimension)

"WHAT HAPPENED!?"

[OPENING SEQUENCE]

(scene changes to King Kai's planet)

KING KAI: Alright, today we will commence your training.

"Finally!" Natsu regains his color and cheers.

GOKU: Woohoo! Alright! Now, what's my first lesson?

KING KAI: First, you must-

GOKU: Catch the monkey! (begins chasing Bubbles)

"Why is he so stupid?" Gray asked no one in particular.

"I don't know, why do you lose your clothes so much ice-stripper?" Natsu retorts back.

"What did you say fire-boy!?"

"You heard me frozen-dumbass!"

"Shut up, both of you," Erza's harsh voice cut through.

Both males respectively sat back in their seats.

KING KAI: Actually, I was going to-

GOKU: (continues to chase Bubbles) Whee!

KING KAI: Okay, have fun with that.

"Best to leave him like that till he gets tired," Lisanna giggles.

(scene changes to the Z Fighters walking in a ruined city)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, in... somewhere...

YAMCHA: Wow, this place is a wreck.

TIEN: I know- the desolation, the ruin, the horror.

KRILLIN: Where are we, New Orleans?

"What is that?" most of the guild asked.

(record scratch)

TIEN: Krillin!

KRILLIN: What?

TIEN: Too soon!

"I'm just gonna guess, something bad happened there," Levy says.

(Chiaotzu looks at a helmet)

CHIAOTZU: Huh?

HELMET: (quickly) You must construct additional pylons.

"Funny helmet!" Asaka giggled.

(Chiaotzu shrieks)

"Funny talking doll!" Asaka giggled some more.

TIEN: Chiaotzu, get away from there.

CHIAOTZU: Why?

(helmet disintegrates, revealing the head of a Saiyan)

"And the funny helmet suddenly turned terrifying," Romeo deadpans. Wendy flinched hugging Carla tightly.

TIEN: You have no idea where that's been- it could give you an infection.

CHIAOTZU: You're not my dad- don't tell me what to-

(Saiyan attacks Chiaotzu, causing him to scream as he falls off the city)

"A SAIYAN!?"

"B-but, I thought they were wiped out besides the ones we know," Lucy stumbles out fearfully.

"Something isn't right here," Levy deduces to herself.

TIEN: Chiaotzu, My partner!

YAMCHA: ...Gay.

"Is there an issue with that?" Erza asks. She may swing for the otherside herself, but she has no prejudice against love.

TIEN: Hey, at least I don't spend all my free time living alone with a cat!

YAMCHA: Hey, at least I get some puss- Wow, that did not come out right.

All the dragon slayers looked at their exceeds.

The exceeds looked back. "What?" they asked.

"Nothing."

SPRAUT: (disembodied echo) Hey, Bruzzel, look what we got here.

BRUZZEL: (disembodied echo) Yes, we've got some tourists, Spraut.

SPRAUT: (disembodied echo) Well, then we should give them the tour.

BRUZZEL: (disembodied echo) Yes, the tour straight to hell, because we'll be killing them, with our own two diabolical hands, which are comprised of many sinister fingers, which we shall use to fiendishly destroy them one by one until-

"Talk about over explaining the joke," Gray rolled his eyes at the scene.

SPRAUT: (disembodied echo) Oh, for Christ's sake, yes, they get it- we're evil. Shut up!

(Saiyan grabs Krillin's ankle and pulls him underground)

KRILLIN: Oh, God, why?!

"NO NOT KRILLIN, TAKE GRAY INSTEAD!" Natsu pleaded

"WHAT!?" the ice-make mage shouted.

"I'll take you anywhere my darling Gray!" Juvia shouted, jumping on top of Gray.

"PERSONAL SPACE!"

(Yamcha and Tien look at the hole as fighting sounds can be heard along with Krillin screaming)

KRILLIN: Oh, God, this can't possibly get any worse.

MR. POPO: Hi.

(Krillin screaming louder, possibly due to seeing Mr. Popo.)

(Krillin Owned Count: 4)

"I don't pity him at all," Macao says while shaking his head.

YAMCHA: It's up to us! We have to attack together!

TIEN: Right, back to back! Let's do it for Chiaotzu!

YAMCHA: And Krillin!

(crickets chips in silence)

"Krillin really gets no love huh?" Natsu pouted.

YAMCHA: Eh, okay, just Chiaotzu.

(Yamcha and Tien charge up to attack the Saiyans)

"This won't end well. Will it?" Wendy asked.

(scene shifts to the Pendulum Room with Mr. Popo standing next to the circle)

MR. POPO: Alright, let's see how they're doing inside.

(Yamcha and Tien are seen getting hit and screaming in pain as Mr. Popo laughs, loving every moment of it.)

The scene unnerved everyone in the room.

(Eventually, everyone returns to the Pendulum Room, exhausted and terrified.)

"I KNEW IT!" Levy cheered.

"Figured out what Levy?" Erza asked.

Levy smiles confidently. "That magic circle is like a transporter. It's capable of sending someone into a dimension akin to a simulation of sorts. So, even though the Z-fighters were killed in the dimension they didn't actually die in real life."

A lightbulb turns on in Lucy's head. "And that explains the weird appearance of other saiyans!"

"Exactly!" Levy answered, smiling brightly. Gajeel patted her on the head signaling she did a great job.

MR. POPO: So, how was it?

(Heavy breathing are heard with Krillin muttering something unintelligible about "darkness")

TIEN: It was... horrible.

MR. POPO: Good, you survived the first test.

"First?"

KRILLIN: (relieved) Oh, thank God!

MR. POPO: But I have some bad news.

KRILLIN: What?

MR. POPO: You're going back.

KRILLIN: (sounding a bit scared) Wh-What?

MR. POPO: Bye!

(Z-Fighters all get teleported back to the ruined city)

KRILLIN: (screaming) No!

"I really don't pity them at all," Macao repeated.

Everyone had to agree with that one.

(short silence with Kami suddenly appearing next to Mr. Popo)

KAMI: Mr. Popo, where did you send them?

MR. POPO: I'll tell you where they're not: safe.

Wendy hugs Carla tighter.

(scene changes to King Kai's planet, Goku has just caught Bubbles)

GOKU: Woohoo! Alright, I caught the mon- (notices Gregory) ooh, a cricket! (drops Bubbles who screeches in pain)

"I really wonder how long that took," Romeo says.

GREGORY: Yeah, I'm Gregory-

GOKU: (holding a hammer) I'ma smash him!

GREGORY: (visibly terrified) What? (shift to inside King Kai's house; Gregory is seen blasting by) OHMYDEARGOD!

GOKU: (chases Gregory with the hammer) Wee-hee!

"I don't pity him either."

KING KAI: (watering a plant, unconcerned) Shut up, Gregory.

(Gregory screams as Goku hits the ground with a hammer)

BOJACK: Yarr...

KING KAI: (continues watering a plant, unconcerned) Shut up, Bojack.

"He's not even trying to stop Goku," Erza comments annoyed.

"I'm sure he tried and realized trying to stop Goku is absolutely pointless," Cana tells her.

(scene changes to Kami's Lookout)

KAMI: It seems that your training here is complete.

"All they did was die over and over again," Gray replied with a deadpan tone.

KRILLIN: But we-

KAMI: Mr. Popo, do you have any last comments for them?

MR. POPO: (extremely blunt) You're all going to die.

"The unwavering faith is just rolling off of him," Carla replies sarcastically.

"I have another bad feeling about things," Lucy says to herself.

KAMI: Thank you, Mr. Popo. Now I believe it is time for you to leave.

KRILLIN: But-but all we did was-

MR. POPO: Pecking order.

(Z-Fighter fly off the lookout with Tien screaming)

KRILLIN: Oh, God, get out of my way!

"RUN KRILLIN!" Natsu and Happy shout.

(scene changes to King Kai's planet)

GOKU: I completed the first two lessons, King Kai.

KING KAI: Yes, congratulations, you've managed to catch my pet monkey, Bubbles, and give Gregory a concussion.

"An average day in the afterlife of Son Goku," Erza states proudly.

"Why are you so proud of that?" Gray asked.

GREGORY: (in pain, off-screen) You psychotic bastard!

"Yes he is."

KING KAI: Now we can start on your real training and I can teach you the-

GOKU: Oh, before you do, could you tell me about the Saiyans.

"Ooooh!" Levy lets out excitedly, getting her notepad ready.

KING KAI: Not much to tell you other than they all died 20 years ago.

"That's a lot of info right there," Gajeel snickers until Levy elbows him in his sides.

GOKU: (gasps) Even my dad?

(flashback of Bardock screaming while burning)

"His dad is practically his twin," Gray comments.

"Raditz looks nothing like him at all," Romeo adds.

"Then he must get his looks from their mother," Lisanna throws in.

(King Kai is seen holding his mouth, trying not to burst out laughing)

KING KAI: (abruptly) Yes.

"Not funny," Natsu says.

"I mean...they were alien mercenaries, so they had it coming," Lucy tells him.

GOKU: Really? What killed them?

KING KAI: Let me check. (checks Wikipedia entry) Let's see here. "Stupid monkeys hit by falling rocks. Hahahahahahaha! P.S. Freeza rules you." That doesn't seem right-

"Frieza?" Levy tests out the name before writing it down and drawing a circle around the name.

GOKU: Bored now. Let's get back to training, King Kai!

"I wonder how many times he's said that to Chichi," Cana quips laughing. She feels a dark stare looking directly at her and stops laughing.

KING KAI: (lets out an exasperated sigh)

(scene changes to Master Roshi's Island)

NARRATOR: And so, one year has passed- the characters who actually did anything in the last series, but not in this one, have finally found themselves of use and have summoned the Eternal Dragon to wish back their fallen comrade, Goku!

"So, we just get a timeskip then?" Levy raises an eyebrow.

"Well, at least we finally get to the confrontation with the saiyans," Gray says, getting a bit excited. Everyone starts feeling the same ready for the action to get underway.

Everyone, but Lucy and Carla who couldn't shake the bad feeling they were getting.

BULMA: I don't get it. Why are we doing this again?

MASTER ROSHI: Because my sister, Baba, told us to.

(Shenron gets summoned)

SHENRON: You have summoned the eternal dragon. Make your wish and I'll-(recognizes Master Roshi, Bulma, and Oolong, with disdain) Oh, God, it's you guys again. Can't anyone else find these damn things?! Ah, screw it, whatever, what do you want?

"He really doesn't like them," Happy states the obvious.

"They probably summoned him a bunch of times already," Romeo answers the cat.

Wendy looks a bit mirth at it. "He doesn't have to be so rude about it," the blue haired teen huffs.

MASTER ROSHI: There are two horrible Saiyans coming to our planet and we need Goku to be brought back to life in order to defeat them.

SHENRON: Really? You know you could, um, just wish me–a magical dragon–to send them into an asteroid field. One crossed wire and BOOM, right in the sun!

MASTER ROSHI: (insistently) No, you see, as long as we have Goku, we'll be fine.

"That's gonna bite them in the ass someday," Makarov points out.

SHENRON: (puzzled) Right... Yeah, okay, fine, whatever, I'll grant your wish. Just don't come crying to me when half your stupid asses get killed! Ah, who am I kidding? You will.

(Shenron's eyes starts to glow and then the scene changes to King Kai's planet, with Goku's halo disappearing)

GOKU: Hey, King Kai, I'm alive again!

KING KAI: Yes, and you've conveniently learned the Kaio-ken and the Spirit Bomb off-screen. Now get the f**k off my planet!

"He learned the Kaio-what and the what bomb?" Levy questions while writing them down.

"I'm sure we'll see them, Levy," Lily reassures her.

Levy looks unconcerned. "I know, it's just that we skipped the whole training thing."

GOKU: Alright, and thank you, King Kai, for all the training. It'll be a hard fight when I return to Earth, but now, I'm truly confident-

KING KAI: GO HOME!

"He couldn't even let Goku get his thanks out," Erza huffs harshly in annoyance.

"He spent a year with Goku, I'm sure that would drive most people insane," Lucy mutters low enough for Erza to not hear.

GOKU: 'Kay, bye! (flies off King Kai's planet)

(silence as King Kai, Gregory, and Bubbles watch Goku leave)

KING KAI: (sudden realization) Oh, God, what have I done?! I'm all alone again!

"And he regretted it immediately," Erza says smugly.

BUBBLES: (subtitled) Well, good sir, you've still my modest company. How about I grab us some tea and some quiet music and we-

KING KAI: Shut up, Bubbles!

GREGORY: Well, I'm still here for you, sir.

KING KAI: Shut up, Gregory!

BOJACK: Yarr, You've still have-

KING KAI: Shut up, Bojack!

"He just hates all of them," Lisanna says sadly.

"Understandable," Gajeel replies.

[ENDING SEQUENCE]

[STINGER]

(scene shifts on Earth in a barren wasteland)

PICCOLO: All right, runt, your training is complete. Now you and I will take over the worl-

"He's still on that?" Mira asks annoyed.

KAMI: (telepathically) Hello? Hello?

PICCOLO: (telepathically) Ugh. What is it, old man?

KAMI: (telepathically) I just wanted to check in and make sure you were ready for the Saiyans.

PICCOLO: (telepathically) Ready for the what now?

"He DIDN'T know?!" Almost everyone shouted in surprise.

Levy's eyes widened in realization. "That's right! He took off with Gohan, before Vegeta and Nappa said they were coming through the scouter!" Levy shouted.

Everyone suddenly face palms all together just realizing this.

KAMI: (telepathically) Didn't Mr. Popo tell you? There are two Saiyans headed towards the Earth as we speak. Both several times more powerful than the last one you faced. They should be landing pretty soon- within a few days, in fact.

PICCOLO: New plan, Gohan, we're going to kick some Saiyan ass!

GOHAN: Um, okay?

(silence)

PICCOLO: (telepathically) You're still there, aren't you?

KAMI: (telepathically) I'm just so lonely...

PICCOLO: (out loud) Get out of my head!

Everyone laughed at the exchange between the two.

Chapter End