Chapter 9: Nappa's Best Day Ever
(scene opens up at Kame House with Bulma, Master Roshi, Oolong and Puar watching a telecast of Yamcha's death)
"Hey, they're viewing just like us!" Happy replies, glad to have pointed it out.
"Yes, we see it, Happy," Carla tells him, taking the situation seriously.
MR. KENT: And there you have it, folks. That man is dead. Very, very dead.
JIMMY: Mr. Kent, if you had to come up with a word for how dead he is, what would it be?
MR. KENT: "Cadaverific!"
BULMA: (breaks down crying in Master Roshi's chest) Yamcha! No! I was saving myself for him!
"BULLSHIT!" The adults shouted out.
MASTER ROSHI: (...?) Bulls**t!
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(scene shifts to the battlefield with Krillin being struck with grief over Yamcha's death)
"Losing a friend hurts a lot," Natsu says out loud.
Everyone agrees without hesitation.
KRILLIN: Yamcha! Yamcha! Yamcha was our friend...and you bastards killed him! Don't worry, Yamcha, I'll avenge you!
PICCOLO: Oh right, you're going to avenge him? The five-year-old over here is stronger than you are!
"He's not wrong," Gajeel says.
KRILLIN: But I-
PICCOLO: Face it, you're pretty much here as a meat shield.
"At least he wasn't Yamcha," Romeo tries to defend Krillin. Wendy glares at him for the insensitive comment, making the fire mage to slump down into his seat.
(Krillin is extremely angry)
NAPPA: Ha! Look at him, Vegeta. He's like the Raditz of their group.
KRILLIN: That's it! I can't take it anymore! I can only be pushed so far!
"People can only take so much before they snap," Erza comments, sage like.
(HUD from Final Fantasy VII appears at the bottom of the screen, selecting "Krillin" and "Limit")
(Scatter Shot appears at the top of the screen)
KRILLIN: KRILLIN LIMIT BREEEEEAK!
(Battle music from Final Fantasy VII plays as Krillin uses Scatter Shot to kill three Saibamen; Victory music from Final Fantasy VII plays after Krillin's rampage)
KRILLIN: (while catching his breath) That was...for Yamcha.
"YEAH KRILLIN!" The guild shouted at his success against the saibamen.
"He beat 3 Raditz! That means the training wasn't useless after all!" Lisanna cheered.
Maybe the Z-fighters have a good chance at winning.
Levy nervously looked down at her notepad.
VEGETA: Congratulations, you've just destroyed the equivalent of three Raditz.
KRILLIN: That's right! What now, you son of a bi-
VEGETA: Nappa here is worth five Raditz.
"Uhhhhh…."
KRILLIN: I- uh... What?
VEGETA: And I am worth fifteen Raditz.
KRILLIN: (disappointed) I... Oh…
"We shouldn't expect them to have an easy time," Makarov tells his children. The mages nod understanding.
They just wanted to hope for the best.
NAPPA: Aw, come on, don't get so down on yourself. At least you've proven that your Raditz is still stronger than our Raditz.
(scene shift to Raditz)
RADITZ: I...hate...all of you!
"Understandable," Gajeel responds.
(scene shifts back to the battlefield)
VEGETA: So in short, good for you. Oh, by the way, you missed one.
(one Saibamen pops out from hiding and tries to attack Gohan, only to be grabbed by Piccolo)
PICCOLO: Yeah, no.
(punches the Saibamen in its stomach and throws it in the air before blasting it with a mouth blast)
"PICCOLO ROCKS!" Natsu and Gray yelled at the same time, before glaring at each other.
Mira scoffs in annoyance. "Show off," She mutters.
GOHAN: That was incredible, Mr. Piccolo!
"Don't compliment him," Mira huffs at Gohan's admiration.
TIEN: Yeah, way to go!
KRILLIN: But, what about-
PICCOLO: Well, you can all learn a thing or two.
KRILLIN: But I just killed three of them-
CHIAOTZU: Nobody cares, Krillin!
KRILLIN: Aww...
"It really does suck to be Krillin," Natsu pouts.
VEGETA: Well, Nappa, looks like it's your turn to teach them a lesson.
NAPPA: Yeah, right out of Saiyan University. (begins walking towards the Z-Fighters)
VEGETA: Hold on, you went to college?
"HE WENT TO SCHOOL!?"
NAPPA: Yup.
"WHY ARE YOU SO DUMB THEN!?"
VEGETA: What the hell could someone like you possibly major in?!
NAPPA: Child Psychology.
"That sounds really interesting," Wendy says in interest.
GOHAN: Wow, That sounds really interes-
NAPPA: With a minor in Pain! (dashes towards Tien and severs his left arm in one punch)
(Tien screams in absolute pain)
"HOLY SHIT!"
"Heh, I get it," Gajeel laughs.
VEGETA: Looks like he's been...disarmed!
Erza groans at the pun.
(silence as the wind blows)
NAPPA: (off-screen) I get it!
VEGETA: Shut it, Nappa.
(Tien leaps in the sky)
NAPPA: Oh, I love this game! Tag! (chases Tien and kicks him towards the ground) No tagbacks.
"Come on Tien fight back!" Natsu shouts in eagerness.
"That buffon really thinks this is a game," Erza grits in anger at Nappa's idiocy.
TIEN: (thinking) Agh, damn, this guy's strong. Maybe it would be best if I just took Chiaotzu and- (notices Chiaotzu is gone) Wait, where is he?!
Everyone's attention is on high alert.
(Chiaotzu is seen latched onto Nappa's back)
"What is he doing!?" Lisanna shrieks in panic.
NAPPA: Vegeta, the Pokémon's on my back.
TIEN: Chiaotzu! No!
NAPPA: Aww, I can't get it off, Vegeta! Here, I'll use Rock Smash.
(smashes his back into a rock, causing Chiaotzu to whimper in pain)
Everybody winces in phantom pain.
TIEN: Chiaotzu, you get down from there this instant!
CHIAOTZU: (telepathically) No! I have to do this, Tenshinhan! For all the people of Earth, our friends, and especially you!
TIEN: But Chiaotzu...!
"There has to be a better solution right!?" Natsu's panic increased.
Makarov only looks down as a response, making Natsu's eyes widen in realization.
CHIAOTZU: (telepathically) Don't worry, you can just wish me back with the Dragon Balls! Now, goodbye, my friend!
"Oh! That's right they can!" Wendy shouts. Not expecting to hear Tien's next words.
TIEN: That won't work, Chiaotzu! We already wished you back once with the Dragon Balls; we can't do it twice!
Wendy plops down into her seat with wide eyes.
CHIAOTZU: (telepathically) Wait, wha-? (explodes)
TIEN: N-No! No! Chiaotzu! CHIAOTZUUUU!
Wendy and Asaka start crying. The parents and Carla moved to comfort them.
The adults either clenched their fists in anger or lowered their heads in respect.
Levy crossed Chiaotzu's name off the list.
KRILLIN: Oh, my God... He blew into more pieces than Yamcha!
Glares were thrown in Krillin's direction.
TIEN: Krillin!
KRILLIN: What?
TIEN: He was my closest friend! I... I loved him.
More tears were shed after Tien's confession.
KRILLIN: As a memorial to Yamcha: gay.
TIEN: (thinking) At least your sacrifice wasn't in vain, my friend.
(Nappa is revealed to be alive, leaving Chiaotzu's sacrifice to be in vain)
"HOW!?"
"THAT'S BULLSHIT!" Natsu shouted in fury.
NAPPA: Aww, dang it, Vegeta. He used Self-Destruct. I hate it when they do that.
"The bastard doesn't even care," Gray spat.
TIEN: (off-screen) DAMN IT!
NAPPA: (lands next to a grieving Tien) Awwww, I think I made him mad, Vegeta. Should I talk to him about it? The first step to working out your problems is healthy communication. And-
"Bastard," Gajeel spat
TIEN: HUAAAH! (tries to punch Nappa, but hits a boulder)
NAPPA: Hey, that was very rude! I was talking to VEGETA! (punches Tien, launching him into a boulder)
"Dammit...c'mon land a hit already," Natsu says with impatience.
Lucy rubs his back to calm him down.
GOHAN: Should- shouldn't we help him?
PICCOLO: Can't you see he has to fight this battle on his own? He's fighting for the honor of his fallen comrade.
Erza nods her head, agreeing with Piccolo's words.
"He's fighting to defend his friend's honor," Erza says with complete seriousness.
(Nappa is seen beating Tien to a pulp)
TIEN: (getting hit with each word) HELP ME, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP MEEEE!
"Yup, like a true warrior," Erza says with absolute seriousness.
Those who weren't still crying could only sweat drop.
PICCOLO: Like a hero.
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo, help him!
PICCOLO: Oh, fine! (to Krillin) Krillin, go!
"Time to avenger their friends!" Natsu shouts in eagerness.
"Hopefully no one else has to die," Wendy softly mutters, calming down.
(Piccolo and Krillin jump into the air to help Tien)
NAPPA: For PONY! (Piccolo hits him) UWAGH! He hit me! (Krillin knocks Nappa towards the ground) GAH HA! He hit me too!
"Finally! They get some hits in on him!" Romeo shouts.
(Nappa is seen flying towards Gohan)
"Gohan move!" Mira shouts in worry.
PICCOLO: Gohan, hurry up and blast him with all your strength! Before he has time to DOOOOODGE!
("dodge" echoes traumatically in Gohan's head, causing him to scream and run for cover)
PICCOLO: Damn you, Pavlov!
"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TRAUMATIZED HIM!" Mira(Now in Satan Soul) screams out.
Lisanna rushes to calm her sister down. Mira takes a deep breath before turning back and sitting down.
(scene goes static and switches to a news reporter)
NEWS REPORTER: For those of you who don't know who Pavlov is, allow us to take a brief moment to explain. Back in 1904-
"NO ONE CARES!" Gajeel and Natsu shout at the screen.
OOLONG: (banging his hand on the TV) Get back to the fight!
NEWS REPORTER: Annnd back to the fight.
(scene goes static and changes back to the fight, with Nappa recovering from Piccolo and Krillin's surprise attack)
NAPPA: Hey, not gonna lie. Dick move, guys, dick move.
"So is punching off someone's arm," Macao retorts back.
KRILLIN: Piccolo, do you have a plan?
PICCOLO: That depends; can you get him in a Full Nelson?
"You really want to kill Krillin that bad?" Gray asked.
"He's too small for that plan to work anyway," Cana mentions.
KRILLIN: Any plans that don't involve killing me?
PICCOLO: Well, there is the multi-form technique.
"The what?" Levy asks intrigued.
KRILLIN: But doesn't that cut our power levels by-
PICCOLO: Plan A or Plan B, Krillin!
KRILLIN: Plan B! Plan B!
PICCOLO & KRILLIN: Kage Bunshin no Jutsu! (three clones of Piccolo and Krillin appear)
"Oh!" Levy writes down.
NAPPA: Vegeta! I can't..."believe it".
(Vegeta gives off an annoyed groan off-screen)
(the three Piccolos and Krillin's attack Nappa, who dominates them with his superior strength)
PICCOLO: (thinking) Hrgh, he's dodging every hit! We can't lay a finger on him! What kind of incredible mental discipline has this guy gone through?
NAPPA: Patty cake, patty cake, baker's MAN! (punches a Krillin clone) Bake me a cake as fast as you CAN! (punches a Piccolo clone and eventually launches all three clones towards the ground)
"I can imagine the same thoughts passing through Salamander's head," Gajeel taunts.
"SAY THAT AGAIN METAL MOUTH!" Natsu retorts before Lucy yanks him down telling him it's not the time.
(Krillin slams onto the ground, followed by his two clones, causing him to groan in pain)
(Krillin Owned Count: 5-7)
(Piccolo also hits the ground, followed by his doubles, which knocks him down)
NAPPA: Good effort, but I'm the Patty Cake champion.
PICCOLO: (after a short pause) What?
"We're all wondering the same thing," Gray says.
NAPPA: But, at least you didn't uselessly self-destruct like that Pokémon.
The glares returned with intense heat.
TIEN: (gets up from Nappa's beatdown earlier) You stupid...ugly...son of a bitch. (begins charging a blast) His name...was CHIAOTZU! KIKŌHŌ! (fires a Spirit Tri-Beam at Nappa)
NAPPA: Yeah, that Chiaotzu- OH, MY GOOOOOD! (gets hit directly by Tien's attack)
"YEAH! HIT HIM WHERE IT HURTS!" Natsu cheered.
Some of the others cheered at Tien's attack.
Others watched with bated breaths.
TIEN: (thinking) Right here... Right behind you, Chiaotzu. (falls on the ground, dying from using up all his energy)
"No," Wendy whimpers and Carla tries to tell her it's ok.
"I'm ok Carla, I won't cry again," Wendy tries to stop her tears.
Gray shakes his head in sadness. "Damn," was all he could say as a response. Juvia tried to comfort him.
Erza and Makarov lowered their heads in respect.
Everyone else could only look downtrodden at Tien's death.
Levy crosses off Tien's name.
(Nappa again survives the attack, this time, losing some of his armor)
"NO WAY!"
"GODDAMMIT! HOW DO YOU STOP THIS BASTARD!" Natsu shouted in fury.
NAPPA: Aha, pointless.
Natsu growls at Nappa's words.
KRILLIN: (absolutely terrified) We're gonna die, aren't we.
NAPPA: Yep! (charges towards the remaining Z-Fighters, who all stand frozen in fear, but suddenly stops in midair and looks at Vegeta)
NAPPA: Vegeta!
VEGETA: (annoyed) What?
NAPPA: I can fly...!
"At this point…." Lucy doesn't continue her sentence.
VEGETA: (starts stammering before letting out a sigh) Yes, Nappa, yes you can.
KRILLIN: You know, you're gonna be in a lot of trouble once Goku gets here!
"That's right Goku will totally kick his butt!" Natsu shouted
VEGETA: Who?
KRILLIN: Goku! He's stronger than all of us combined!
"And he won't allow you to go unpunished," Erza smiles confidently.
VEGETA: Well then, I guess we better kill you before he gets here.
Levy halted. "That's not usually how it goes."
KRILLIN: W-Wait, I mean...
NAPPA: But Vegeta, I wanna meet the strong guy!
VEGETA: Nappa just kill them first and-
NAPPA: But I want him to see us kill them!
VEGETA: Oh, God, there's no arguing with you. Fine, I'll give you three hours tops. After that, I'm killing all of you.
"C'mon Goku!" Everyone prayed.
NAPPA: Yay! And now we wait.
(Thirty seconds later...)
NAPPA: Is he here yet?
PICCOLO, GOHAN, & KRILLIN: No.
NAPPA: Is he here yet?
PICCOLO, GOHAN, & KRILLIN: No...!
NAPPA: Is he here yet?
PICCOLO, GOHAN, & KRILLIN: NO!
NAPPA: Is he here yet?
PICCOLO, GOHAN, & KRILLIN: NOO!
(long pause)
NAPPA: ...Is he here ye-?
VEGETA, PICCOLO, GOHAN, & KRILLIN: NOO!
"Nappa is so damn annoying," Lucy breathes out.
"How does Vegeta put up with that?" Erza questions.
VEGETA: Goddammit, Nappa, just go do something! Go have fun- I don't care how.
NAPPA: Oh boy! This is gonna be my best...day...ever.
(scene shifts to Nappa destroying both naval and air forces, laughing while doing so, while Peewee's Pocket Circus plays in the background)
"Well...he's not annoying anyone…" Gajeel says.
(scene shifts back to the battlefield with the Z-Fighters waiting for Goku until Vegeta's scouter beeps)
VEGETA: Well, time's up- time to die. (removes his scouter and throws it at the ground)
"Goku didn't show up…." Erza says in disbelief.
PICCOLO: So, where's your friend-
NAPPA: I'm back! (elbows Piccolo in the head)
"Where the hell is Goku!?" Natsu shouts in worry.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
VEGETA: Nappa, where did your armor go?
NAPPA: I had a hell of a day, Vegeta. I sank their battleship...and their whales.
(scene shifts to the remains of a navy ship floating in a bloody ocean, presumably the blood of the whales Nappa indirectly murdered)
AQUAMAN: (off-screen) Nooo...
"All that needless death," Wendy said astonished.
"Don't worry they can just use the Dragon balls to bring them back," Carla tries to reassure.
"If they survive long enough," Gajeel mutters.
Levy stares down at her notepad, a bad feeling twisting in her stomach.
Chapter End