Chapter 85

A quarter hour later, the door was closed to Castle's apartment. Rick passed Beckett her bag. It had been a quiet ride home in a cab but the anger within Beckett had diminished. The police who were parked outside had ensured they made it safely inside the building and Castle informed them they were going to stay at the loft for the remainder of the day and all night.

Beckett made her way to the bedroom with Rick behind her. She dumped her coat to the end of the bed. "Well, who would've thought that I would be homeless-"

"You're not homeless," he butted in.

"- and caseless in one day?"

"Caseless, yes. Homeless, never." Castle rested his hand on her shoulder, "I know I'm the kind of going rogue type, but you were right to chase after Dunn even if it made you caseless."

"And Agent Shaw was right to kick me off the case." She plonked her weary body to the mattress.

"I disagree." He replied with a playful pat to her thigh.

"You're making fun of me." She light heatedly commented.

"Which part?"

"Um." She smiled, "The bit about being caseless."

"Oh." Rick smirked, "No. I wouldn't do that."

"Sure."

"Look Beckett, Shaw's FBI, and she was playing her power card on you. She's been subtly pissing on your turf and trying to raise jealousy out of you since the moment she got out her non-descript black vehicle."

Laughter erupted, which caused Castle to smile.

"Well, I would've done the same thing if I was in her spot," she confessed under her breath. "I'm too close to it."

"No, I disagree. You think differently to Shaw." Castle sat on the bed beside Beckett and took hold of her boot as she raised her leg. "But you did feed right into her jealousy probing."

"I did not." She gave him a look that cause him to smile like a cheeky boy.

He nudged her with his shoulder. "You were so jealous, Baby. And it was oddly cute." Without being asked he gently tugged at the unzipped boot feeling it easily come from her foot. "In all seriousness, I'm sure that you, after all this, are a little sorry you let me follow you around." One boot off he put it to the floor.

"No." Beckett twisted and raised the other leg, "No, not this, Castle." Rick had that boot off in no time, and she lowered her foot to the floor. She rested her hand to his thigh which caused him to glance down. "All the other annoying things that you do, but not this." She whispered, "Not this."

"Hmm."

"What about you? Are you sorry that you ever wrote Heat Wave?"

Castle gazed over her face. She had dark circles beneath weary eyes, "The way I look at it now, if it wasn't for Nikki Heat, this guy would've just gone on killing because he wouldn't have met anyone smart enough to catch him."

Beckett smiled and playfully bumped into his shoulder.

Rick absorbed the bump, smiled, continued on, as he took hold of her injured hand. "I'm speaking, of course, about Special Agent Shaw."

Beckett rolled her eyes, "Right, Castle." She watched him unravel the soiled bandage from the injured wrist.

He laughed, "In a minute, you will go for a hot bubbly bath. Clean yourself up. I'll go knock up something for-" he glanced at his watch, "Afternoon tea slash dinner."

"Early for dinner, but I'm starving."

"Well, I will see what the women of my family have in mind first, if they're home."

"Anything will be good." She inspected the bruising and the minor cut to her forearm. "We've been most of the day without food." She rotated her wrist.

"Yes. Is it okay?"

"Bit sore but she'll be right," she murmured as she got up of the edge of the bed and closed the space between them by stepping between his legs.

"Agree." He pressed his lips to the palm of her hand. "How's your ears?"

"What?"

He sighed, stared at her eyes.

She grinned and ruffled his hair, "Still ringing." She stepped back as he stood up, his hands going to the sides of her head. He momentarily covered her ears, so gently that she leaned in.

"Mm." It concerned him her ears were ringing. "Run the bath. I'll bring you a drink."

"Thank you, Castle."

"What for?"

"Saving my life. Letting me stay here."

"No worries, Beckett. So long as you feel at home."

The bath was filled with bubbles and Kate when he returned with a bottle of water a while later. "Well, Alexis is home and upstairs studying, but going to stay with a friend overnight, and my Mother will be back tomorrow. I've got dinner in the oven." He passed her the bottle, lid off.

"Thanks."

"You okay?" It was easy to see she wasn't and he didn't need to ask, but by asking there was the slightest chance his question might get her talking. She was huddled up in the bath tub, her arms wrapped around her legs, chin on knees, a somber, cloudy mood heavy on her. She was up to her armpits in bubbles which he thought should have lightened her mood.

Several seconds passed before she shrugged her shoulders and looked to his face. "Big couple of days, I guess."

"You could say that." He pulled up a stool and sat on it. "But we got through it. We'll eat soon. Go to bed and tomorrow is a new day." His phone beeped.

"New day," she echoed.

"You're alive, you're safe and you here with me," he pulled the phone out of his pocket to read the text.

"The Captain. Wants to know you're with me, here."

"Mm." He saw that immediately brightened her and she gave him a devilish look. "Tell him I ran off to a cheap hotel."

He laughed, her expression not lost on him. "Maybe not," he said. "I'm sure he'll personally wring my neck, or shoot me, if you leave my humble abode."

Kate frowned at him.

"Hey," he objected. "Montgomery ordered I take care of you. Me."

"I'm a cop." She quickly reminded, but her tone told him she wasn't being serious. "Castle, do you think he knows we're together? Not speculating? Like, before, you basically told him."

"Yep. You know he does, well he had a good stab about it when we did break up. But he hasn't said a word to the Mayor. To anyone." He tapped back a Yes to Montgomery then forgot the phone and looked at Beckett. "Listen." He waited for her to look at him.

He continued, remaining softly spoken. "Next time either of us has a spontaneous impulse to confess to our secret life to whomever it is, can we agree to count to ten before we open our mouth. Deal?" He gave her a sober look. "And I'm very sorry I reminded the Captain."

"Yeah, about that." She nodded, touched his fingers at the edge of the bathtub with her own. She momentarily bit her bottom lip, then looked at his eyes. "I'm very sorry I said that to the boys. I just thought it would be funny. Lighten the mood."

"Not funny."

"No. I realized that like a smack in the face when I was in the bathroom."

"Talk to me if you really do want to go public about us. We currently have a lot riding on us now you're staying here."

He paused, noted Beckett stared at him, and her cheeks paled, so he continued. "We might need to re-assess what our friends know about us sooner, rather than later, is what I'm saying."

"Okay. One day at a time, Castle." She put her hand over his, "I'm sorry, but I'm not up to a long term commitment under these circumstances. Its forced, not my choice, I'm here because my apartment blew up. I need time to digest what I've lost," she explained with a soft tone.

"I know. You can have as much time as you need. I promise. No pressure. I want it to be because you want to be here."

"Thank you. No pressure on you either." She stroked his fingers, "You might change your mind."

"Seriously?" He suppressed laughter, but instead he raised a hand and caressed over her damp head. "Just relax for now. Don't complicate it."

"I won't." As she looked about Rick's bathroom, she suddenly sat up a little with a thought. "Castle?"

"Beckett?" He studied her face.

"My stuff? Where did my stuff go?"

He pointed towards the shower implying beyond those walls, "Everything the cleaners salvaged is either in the guest room, where you are staying if anyone asks, but I insist you sleep in my bed, and what didn't fit is in my storage shed."

"Clothes?"

"Bedroom, laundry or dry cleaners."

"Books?"

"Storage."

"The sofa?"

"In pieces and gone. The apartment is empty. The building managers gave the cleaners like an hour window to empty the place and salvage what they could."

She gave a nod of acceptance and sighed heavily before she said, "Thank you for taking care of it. Thank you for accepting my delegation to you."

"It only took a few phone calls and thanks for placing my name as your contact."

"I had to. If something happened to me, I need someone to be able to make decision."

"Good idea."

"Well, being a cop, I have to think of these things."

"And my Mother, she helped out a lot today. She was great." He reached out once again to stroke the top of her head in hope she might relax the crease in her brow. "And um, the arr building manager called. Well, first of all, I got a call from your insurance and that will be good to claim your belongings, but the building manager called to tell me the body corporate will take care of the building, but you can't move back in there."

"I can't?"

"Well, correction, no one can until the building is fixed, that's if its ever fixed. They gave me the rundown about the structural integrity being compromised." He squinted momentarily and rubbed the back of his neck expecting a strong reaction but she just sat in the water processing the news. He stood. "I will go check on dinner." With that, he left the bathroom very conscious Beckett required time to come to terms with the news she had lost her home.

Kate slumped back in the bath in exasperation and despair, her eyes closed, her left forearm resting upon forehead. The fact her old apartment would never be safe for her to return to was a devastating blow. She'd lost her home, lost belongings that formed part of her story, who she was. It was the apartment she had been living in since she'd been a rookie. Now, no home. No retreat.

But the worst thing was she'd lost her Dad's old watch. It was sentimental to her. Its loss would barely raise a muscle twitch from her father who'd probably forgotten about the watch years ago.

If she was off the case, she had a few days of leave and would be able to go find a new home. Her eyes opened wide at a thought that hit her. Recollection of recent conversations but one in particular.

She sat up with a racing heart and she looked about the bathroom with a whole new perspective. Double shower, double vanity.

"Oh God." She choked.

Fingers gripped the side of the tub.

She recalled saying, "When the time comes, I will be happy to live with you…"

Rick had stopped walking, and had stared at her with an expression that had prickled her nerves. She'd pretended not to notice, had tugged on his finger to encourage him to follow.

"Well, what about us?" He had brought her to a stop.

She had physically tried to tell him not to go there, not to make that suggestion.

"It's been a year, Kate. Why don't we –"

She had cut him off, stopped him and had looked away into the distance and tried to slow her racing mind. Her line of sight returned to him and she'd firmly said. "Not yet, Castle."

Castle had instantly released their connection and she had carried on, pretended his reaction hadn't bothered her.

Earlier at the precinct, he'd insisted she come home with him, that she had a home where she was family. She hadn't heard the subtext. The damn subtext.

Beckett got out of the bath, no longer finding it a place of comfort and relaxation. Her skin was wrinkled and clean so she'd been there long enough. She wrapped the large, white fluffy towel around her body and hugged herself. Large, spooked eyes stared back at her in the mirror.

Rick unexpectedly entered the bathroom. She jumped in surprise. He too was taken aback.

"You're out already?" He pointed at the empty tub.

"Yes," she breathlessly replied.

His brow furrowed as he studied her. "Honey, you look really pale."

Kate shifted, tried to shield her panicky state of mind. He swiftly moved towards her, spooking her and her footing faltered. His hands went to her upper arms steadying her.

"Beckett?" He scanned her face. "You're shaking."

"I can't." She hugged herself.

"Are you cold?"

"Yes." She nodded. She wasn't cold at all. But she couldn't tell him she was afraid of taking up her place at the bathroom sink, of waking every morning and turning the faucet to one of those showers. Crystal clear, she imagined her life with him, being with him, having a future alongside the writer, the man she adored. Simultaneously. she smacked the panic button and didn't know why.

He unpeeled the towel from her body and raised it to her hair, giving it a gentle rub.

"Stop staring at the vanity, Kate," he murmured calmly, pausing from his actions. He lowered the towel when her eyes connected with his, the moment when she understood he knew where she'd gone. She swallowed, lowered her eyes down to the grey stone floor tiles.

"Kate?"

She vaguely heard him.

"Breathe." A hand glided over the left side of her face. It was a featherlike caress. "Breathe. You're gonna be fine." He reached for his bathrobe that hung from the door. He spread over her shoulders. It was soft, comforting. Hands held her upper arms. "Kate? That conversation we had the other day about you moving in, the reference to it before?"

"I-." She glanced at the two sinks. It was a simple task to imagine her make-up, hair products, body creams, all there. They were currently stored in the cupboard below, hidden from prying eyes, but if she lived with Castle, her stuff would be scattered throughout his house. "I see it," she whispered.

"You see it?" He followed her eye line to the vanity but quickly looked back at her. "I'm confused."

"I see it, but not yet, Castle. Need time."

"Like I said before, there's no pressure, Kate." He put a finger to her chin and urged her to look at him. "Relax. You've experienced a lot and its had a profound effect on you, on me."

Beckett inhaled deeply, gathered herself up and gave him a nod. and replied, "I know. It's just been a big day." She pushed her arms through the sleeves of the robe. "I will figure this out, Rick. There's others that need to be included in any decision we make."

"By that you mean Martha and Alexis."

"Of course. They live here too, Castle."

"When you're ready." He paused, waited for it to sink in, then repeated, "When you are ready, we'll have a family talk."

Kate processed his words, his tone and responded with a slight nod. "Okay."

He stepped back as though he was about to leave the room then said. "Dinner is almost ready. No one is around so wear what your most comfortable in."

Kate peered down her body wrapped in his heavy bathrobe. It was big, warm and had his scent infused in the thick material. She had no intention of changing into her own clothes. She shrugged her shoulders. "This is comfy." She tied the knot around her waist as she padded bare footed after him into the living room, the smell of his cooking making her keen to see what he was dishing up. The creamy, bacon smell comforted, and calmed her thoughts, reminded her how hungry she was. She felt at home wherever she was when Castle was at her side, but something was lurking below the surface of her conscious thoughts that unsettled her. She didn't like the unease and tried to dismiss it. She needed time for recent events to sink in, to accept them. There would also come a time when she would talk with his family about moving in permanently. Right now, she wasn't ready for that conversation. As she tagged along after him, she forced herself to remain in the moment to not dwell on what might be and to ignore the ill feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Alongside him she inspected the pot of penne on the boil and the pot of creamy chicken.

"I can't wait," she said, her hand stroking his back.

"Few more minutes and it will be ready." He placed the wooden spoon on the counter the turned to face her. "C'mere. I need a hug." He drew her into his hold. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she held him firmly her cheek to his whiskered jaw. Moments later his hands lowered to her buttocks and he lifted her from the floor and stepped to the kitchen bench. Standing between her knees, he checked her face, lightly swept back damp strands of dark hair from over her eyes. Long slender arms linked loosely around his neck.

He slowly untied the bow on the robe as he quietly said, "You feel cold. I will warm you."

She gazed down to watch his hands slide around her body to the small of her waist. "Your hands are warm," she softly encouraged.

"Mm."

He took his right hand to her left breast and gently brushed across her nipple with his thumb, his eyes following his actions. He gave a crooked, boyish smile. "You are cold."

"Maybe. Maybe aroused." She offered up. "You really like-"

"Oh yeah." He cut in keenly, "Biologically engineered to." He momentarily closed his eyes to savor the softness of her skin, the touch of her fingers in his hair, her calves pressed against is butt and urged him to come closer.

"Castle?" She whispered. When he opened his eyes to hers he saw softer, calmer eyes and content.

"Kiss me." He ordered pleased his goal to bring her back had been achieved. The woman in his arms was relaxed once again and confidence was returning. There came the smile. She loved to kiss. His left arm dragged her to him. Her body immediately arched against his as she pressed her lips to his.

They parted minutes later, heavily breathing with full blushed lips. Uncomfortable in his jeans Castle tugged at them as he hurried to rescue their dinner off the stove.

Kate covered her body, tied the robe's band, and slipped off the bench to the floor.

"I'll get the bowls."

"Thanks. Shit, I just saved it," he responded as he drained the pasta.

"If I wasn't so hungry I would be dragging you to bed." Beckett replied. "I'm that horny."

"Yeah same. I'm starving so food first."

They ate a meal of chicken carbonara, accompanied with a glass of white wine, seated on the couch watching television.

Once the kitchen and dishes cleaned up, they returned to the couch, Kate holding a tub of body cream. She sat cross legged, facing him no longer interested in watching a program.

"I'm feeling a little beaten up from the life-saving dive into the bathtub." She said, then smiled hearing the funny side of her statement.

"I would have loved to have seen it." His eyes shined.

Kate released a laugh, "That leap was a clumsy affair, Castle. Nothing like how they do it in the movies or on TV. Look at me." She straightened out her limbs all sporting bruises of varying sizes.

"Tell me about it." He requested his hand softly touching the bruise on her forehead.

"I can't share with you how messy it was."

"Why can't you?"

"Because in your imagination it was undertaken with flare comparable to 007."

Rick grinned his approval.

She pointed at him a big smile appearing. "She, Babe. You imagine that I demonstrated the same grace that James Bond would, if he were to do a run and dive into a wrought iron bath to save his life,."

"I sure do imagine that's how it rolled out. But which James Bond?"

"Huh?"

"Connery? Brosnan?"

"The Quantum Solace one," she replied.

"Yes. Daniel Craig." He thought about that. "Okay. I imagine you more as one of the Bond girls, but I'll follow."

"Of course, you would." She dropped a blob of cream to her right shin and started to massage it in. Rick watched.

"You fit the bill. You could be a Bond girl."

"You need to take off those rose colored glasses."

Castle pretended to take glass frames from his face, and he blinked several times, looking at her. "Nope. Still see it."

She giggled and playfully pushed on his shoulder. "You idiot." He too laughed. "Well Castle, put simply, the crash into the tub was clumsy and the impact hurt. A lot."

He held out his hand requesting she squeeze some body cream to his palm, then gently stroked it into her leg. "Still sorry I missed it."

"I will leave it for your imagination."

###

By seven, Kate was stretched down the couch, her head resting on Rick's thigh, unable to fight the heaviness of her eyelids any longer. Rick's head was slumped back, and he slept. It was only a vibrating phone that woke him some time later. He checked his phone to see Alexis had texted him. He wriggled his way off the couch without disturbing Beckett.

In the kitchen, he called his daughter for a quick catch up chat. He explained that Beckett was going to be staying at the loft for a while. The night out of the house would give Alexis time to process that news. She adored Beckett, but he also appreciated that there had to be discussion about changes in the home.

Alone, he snacked on ice cream and milk, all the time wondering whether Beckett wanted to join him for the indulgence. The constant purr of her sleeping, gave him the feeling she might prefer to sleep, so he let her be.

It was around eight o'clock. Castle brought Beckett from a deep sleep with gentle caresses, only enough to get her off the couch. With some coercion and mostly physical effort on his part, he managed to stand her up. She whined mainly noises, or perhaps bits of words he didn't comprehend whatsoever.

"Hang on to me," he softly requested.

In response, she sleepily reached around his shoulders and hung on. He scooped her legs off the floor to carry her to his bedroom. When he lowered her to the bed she was fully unconscious and her arms flopped away from him. He was surprised she didn't stir as he extracted her out of the robe, then shifted her fully relaxed body into what he considered a comfortable position to sleep. He went to the living area to shut off the lights. She was exactly where he'd left her when he returned to the bed. He stripped to boxers and a t-shirt he crept into bed, pulled the blankets over them and nestled in behind her.