Hi all, hope you are all safe and well. This is a long chapter and will be followed up with another soon.

Chapter 101

"You're not eating."

"Huh?" Kate turned her eyes from staring out the window to Rick, his empty plate, his elbows on the table, palms supporting his jaw.

He knew he looked cute by the coy mannerisms she showed. He was worried. Overall, quite concerned about Kate's wellbeing. He was also fretful about their relationship and he feared his expression showed his emotions. Lately, he'd found it increasingly hard to conceal his thoughts and he spat out comments that he shouldn't. Being the interrogator Beckett was, she wouldn't miss a thing, though she seemed quite distant and distracted by her own thoughts tonight. The distance was relative of late and was dividing them. Its why she didn't want to eat, why she couldn't get in a good night sleep.

"Your dinner." He pointed at her plate of barely touched vegetables.

She put the fork down that she'd absently held in the air for God only knew how long. "I'm not hungry. Long day, I guess. Pretty beat." She momentarily raised her eyebrows.

"Okay." Rick replied as he wiped his mouth with a napkin accepting she had been quite flat since she'd come home. There was also the uneasiness between them, that was worse each day. There had also been a change in her demeanour in the past few days. Generally, she was content at work but within a short time of arriving home, she would quieten.

Then there had been the argument with Alexis earlier that evening while Beckett had been at work. His daughter had exhibited strong opinions about Kate that he considered were unwarranted. Being the Father, he'd taken the path of being the stronger willed of the two, but being set in her mind Alexis chose to remain in her room.

Tonight, Beckett didn't know about it, but she had asked him earlier if he was okay. She hadn't noticed that Alexis had retreated to her room, which surprised him. Perhaps that innate sense she had that something was amiss was making her uneasy.

Beckett picked up the fork again. For roughly half a minute, she chased a piece a broccoli around the plate before she gave up, the appetite not enough to encourage her.

"Kate, you don't have to eat it."

She paused, looked at him then the food. "No, I don't. I'm not hungry." Immediately, she pushed the plate away. "Excuse me." She stood from the dining table taking the plates and utensils to the kitchen.

She started to clean up what was left of the dishes, her back to him. After she had arrived home from work, she had changed work clothes into a string shoulder top and shorts. It was what made Castle notice her spine between her shoulder blades. She'd lost weight and he hadn't noticed until now. How much her clothes hung from her fine body concerned him. When she went to turn around, he redirected his eyes to the counter, collected the remaining cutlery and dishes, then took them to the sink, all the time asking himself what was going on, what was he missing?

"Wanna do anything?" He manoeuvred his way around the counter. Kate leaned against the bench and hugged herself, possibly thinking, more likely weary.

"Umm. No. I'm going to view an apartment early tomorrow, so I might head off to bed soon." She glanced at the clock on the oven. "Maybe read."

"Another apartment?" He placed the plates in the dishwasher, closed it up. She'd inspected a handful of apartments in the past two weeks, a few of which he'd joined her. It was a time consuming job, finding a property. "Open days are regular."

She shrugged a shoulder, "It's hard to find an apartment. They get sold so fast."

He stepped to her with the aim to close in on her space a little, kind of forcing her to look at him, "You know," he murmured, "We've had this conversation about you being welcome to stay here as long as you want." It was said as gently as he could manage. She lifted her eyes when he spoke, more so when he stroked strands of dark hair from her forehead. She connected eyes. The worry was evident. Maybe of what he was going to say, or suggest. "You are more than welcome to stay with me, I want to be with you, as in let's combine your stuff into the house and go public."

She glanced at the stairs, back at his eyes as she swallowed, then whispered, "I can't do that, Rick. At the worst I could lose my job." She struggled to say it, then looked away uncomfortable. "But we won't be able to work together anymore."

"We don't know that." He watched her mannerisms.

"I don't think I'm ready." Kate stared at Rick's shirt.

"Kate? Look at me."

She obeyed, rubbed her upper arms. She looked so small.

"Talk to me."

She breathed in, chewed her lip with anxiety. "You don't want a woman like me living with you, Castle. I come with hazards and danger."

"You say that because some idiot blew up your apartment?" He leaned against the opposite counter trying his hardest to remain calm. "Are you still playing the card on protecting me? You know I'm an adult. Or are you protecting someone else?" He briefly pointed to the ceiling.

Kate crossed her arms in defence. "Castle, my mind is a constant rush of thoughts." She looked right at him, clearly recognised his determined expression to get to the bottom of her concerns, which in turn, raised her temper enough to express herself. "Yes."

"Yes, what? You're protecting someone else?"

"Well, yes. There is the air we could cut with a knife," she rotated her hand above her head indicating their space, "And the silent gestures and signals and reckless comments and expressions. I don't know how to answer you, I don't know how to tell you. I don't know how you will perceive the situation. Yes, I want to be with you for-" She stopped with the realisation of what was coming out of her mouth.

"For?"

She bit her bottom lip, "Forever."

"Then what is the fucking problem, Kate? We can fix anything."

"My apartment got blown up, your book has placed me in the public eye. I'm suddenly out of my apartment and in yours. We didn't even have a chance to discuss it, to make the transition, like other couples. I'm scared and …. You have a daughter you need to keep safe," she quietly defended.

"What if we make it public to our friends that we're together?" It was a regular discussion point, but this time it caused the slightest flinch below her right eye. Something was going on that had Kate at a high level of stress he wasn't accustomed to seeing her in. "Kate?"

She looked at him agitation on the rise. "You want to go public?"

"Why not?"

"No. Yes, but no. I don't want to, Castle. This is okay, but I can't be in the public."

"I'm not that famous, Kate. You've seen how much I can get about in public without being recognised."

"Book launches? Page 6 regular with girls?"

He frowned in annoyance, "C'mon, that's a low punch. You're with me at any book launches or events, and you know I'm not on page 6." He leaned against the counter, crossed his arms, conscious Beckett was pushing for a fight. He couldn't help but add, "I haven't been on page 6 since we started dating. We made a deal, Kate. You know it's the agent who pushes that for publicity and I've said no." He stared at her.

In hushed tones she replied, "I'm sorry. But I'm the one who was termed your temporary fling until you're sick of me." She stared at him, trying not to cry.

"My what?" He saw the welling of tears, immediately pushed himself away from the counter and closed in on her, aware his proximity would weaken her emotions.

"You heard me." She blinked, now feeling the sting of Alexis' accusations.

"Kate?" His voice was softer, and he went to touch her upper arm but she kind of shied away, which caused him to halt. His brow furrowed. "Kate, what's going on?" He scratched his head in frustration aware things were becoming intense. "Hang on a minute. Let's just back up. The air, the silent gestures, reckless comments and expressions. You said you don't know how to answer me, you don't know how to tell me. You don't know how to tell me that the problem is Alexis?"

"Castle," she whispered, trying her hardest not break down. "Please."

"I told you to parent her as you need to. You have my full support. Always. You have the best instincts of anyone I know. I trust you with her."

"I'm sorry. But I was afraid you would take her side."

"No. She might be my daughter, Kate, but you are .." he momentarily clenched his teeth. "You are my everything." He pressed his fingers to his eyes, pushing away a headache. "She called you a fling?" He raised his head and looked over her. "Fling?" There was no way he would classify Kate as a fling. Alexis would also know this, so if she had made the accusation, then he was certain Alexis was intentionally setting out to upset the Detective.

Kate shrugged. Smiled a little. "She called me a few things, Castle, but it doesn't matter. It was honest. She doesn't want me here."

He balanced from one foot to the other and thought rapidly, his memory going back a few years, "Did she happen to accuse me of being busy with women?"

"Something along those lines I guess, that I'm a temporary girlfriend until you lose interest and find another."

"A fling," he repeated.

She gave a slight nod in response to his statement.

Rick rubbed the back of his neck as he said, "I'm assuming she also mentioned that I'm a womaniser." For several seconds, Rick concentrated on keeping himself composed especially when Kate's expression gave away the answer. "I told her she was not to be like that. She heard Meredith accuse me of it when she was little. Its stuck in her mind of course."

Kate couldn't help the scoff that erupted. "The woman who cheated on you, called you a womaniser?"

He pointed at her, "That's the one. Alexis doesn't know about that." He sighed heavily, crossed his arms. "This is new ground we are treading on for you, dealing with a teenager."

"Bit different. Last night I arranged to meet with her so we could talk, but she texted to say she couldn't make it." She quietly shared, her eyes constantly flicking to the stairs.

"I'm really sorry, Kate. I will speak to her."

"It's in the past, Rick. I could have done better at responding. I was just caught off guard, end of the day."

"It happened the night you were in court, the fight?"

"Yes. You were with your agent, I think." Kate crossed her arms, nodded. He came closer wanting to touch her. "There's something I have to tell you, Rick."

"Okay." He waited.

"The next morning, when I met Lanie-"

"You told her about us?"

"I did." She scanned his face for a reaction, but he maintained a poker face. "I'm sorry but I needed to get some perspective on the situation."

"It's okay." He placed his hands to her upper arms and stroked her, unsure whether telling Lanie about them was a good idea, but he repeated to himself that he needed to calm her. He stared at the fruit bowl.

That's when he saw the invitation. "That reminds me." He pointed at a card by the fruit bowl. It was gold and black.

"What is it?" She turned her head to look at what he directed her to.

"An invitation. Would you please come with me to a social function next Saturday evening?"

"As your date?"

"Of course," he replied with a look of confusion. "What else would you be?"

She gave him a confused looked that he didn't understand.

"Kate?"

"I mean," she nervously pressed her lips together, then said, "I get the feeling we're on the edge of-"

He shrugged his shoulders, understanding she anticipated they would break up.

She inhaled then cautiously asked, "Are we?"

"I don't know, Kate, are we?"

"I hope not." She bit her bottom lip. She ran fingers through her hair. It was her turn to shrug her shoulders. "People will see us together, in public, I mean."

"Naturally. But at those events, we're not in our daily world and those people don't care."

She crossed her arms, leaned against the counter and crossed her ankles. "Okay. I'll go with you."

"Thank you." He inhaled deeply.

"How formal?"

"Umm." He thought about the gowns and evening dresses she owned nowadays for the occasions she accompanied him to similar events. Compared to an event last year when she hadn't joined him because she didn't have suitable clothing she now had a bit of a collection. "You should book in hair and make-up."

"Okay," Kate nodded. "And one of my dresses?"

"Yes, will be perfect, whatever you choose. You always look beautiful," he commented. "Let me know if you need anything."

Again, she gave a nod, and she inhaled, visibly concerned about the situation. "Thank you," she responded, "For inviting me."

"I actually assumed you would just be there with me, an opportunity to dress up and slip into our alternative universe." He smiled hoping they could get through this unscathed.

"Our AU, Castle." She smiled at his reference to how she had recently described the charity events they attended and her smile broadened with confidence when she saw his expression.

"C'mon. Let's go in the bedroom. Chill out," Castle suggested.

Kate gave a nod of acceptance then pushed herself from the bench and walked to his bedroom with him right behind. Later, he would come out to turn off the lights once he knew everyone was tucked into bed. It was odd living with Castle, in his home. Most of her belongings were stored in the spare room in case people came by but they lived in his room. The clothes she mostly wore were hung in his walk-in-closet and her personal effects were scattered about his bedroom and en suite. He'd generously provided her with much of the available storage space so she had a place for her stuff. Residing with him had significantly altered their relationship. Alone, they were as normal as always, and they were happy together, but when his family was present she felt like an outsider looking in. The guest that didn't go home. She thought about that feeling a lot, how she might have contributed to the situation, and always came to the conclusion that it wasn't of her doing. It wasn't on her that things had become difficult. However, it didn't help her to feel any better. Even talking about it with him hadn't eased the anxiety.

Castle closed the bedroom doors and secured the entry near the front door to restrict access for the night. He then gathered up Kate in his embrace, holding from behind. She accepted his affection, happily leaned into his body as he guided her to the bathroom.

"Shower?" He suggested.

"No. Had one. I'll brush my teeth." She laughed when she lost her balance, but he corrected her weight and directed them into the large en suite. The bathroom and bedroom was their private place. Rick had made it clear to his family it had to be good reason to interrupt them once they retired for the evening.

Kate, released of his hold, went to her sink. She stood before the vanity, looked down upon the bottles of personal products. While she brushed her teeth she shamelessly watched Castle take off his clothes. He was aware she watched on and he played with it. Exhibited his body, flexed his muscles. Her expression didn't change and once he was naked she simply raised an eyebrow.

"I see you. Can't take your eyes off me," he mumbled as he opened the faucet for the shower. "You should join me, Kate."

"Nuh. I could be in danger in there," she replied with a hint of humour.

"I'll be the judge of that."

"Hurry up," she said and with a bottle of body lotion she left the bathroom.

She sat on the armchair beside the bed to apply lotion to her legs. She placed the novel she was currently reading on the night stand for when she did climb between the sheets, the expensive linen sheets.

When Rick entered the bedroom fresh from a shower, Kate had her left leg held up high, her foot flexed like a dancer's. She paused and looked at him, cautious about how he was going to behave, particularly with her posture. His expression served to impress upon her, he thought she was beautiful. He stopped before her. She lowered her foot to the floor, then paused waiting for him to do something.

His leaned over and placed his hand on the arms of the chair. He looked serious.

"You okay?" She was a little nervous about the response.

He shrugged his right shoulder, glanced over her face. "Thoughts remain on why you don't want to move in with me permanently, Kate. I'm never wearied by your company." He leaned over and pressed his lips to her left cheek. It sent shivers down her spine, aroused her in ways no other man's touch ever had. "When we're alone." He finished with a moan of content.

Breathless, with a strong ache in her groin she maintained a calm outwardness.

"We're great," she finished her voice husky.

"We are." He pushed off the chair and straightened up. "Your eyes are so dilated," he said his eyes lowering to her hips. "I bet you're sodden."

Kate who had images of him fucking her, suddenly inhaled, pulled back to reality. "Maybe," she breathed out.

"Maybe, my ass." His tone was deep, a sign he was aroused.

He turned about to continue around the bed to his side. Kate's slender body slumped into the chair, totally taken by his motions, his indicators he wanted her. He always did. Any time of the day, any time of the month. Even if they fought, he would make love with her. Sometimes it stopped the fight and brought them back together.

Given a moment or two, she returned to rubbing in the body lotion over her body.

Castle pulled back the sheets to slip into bed. He laid on his back, puffed up his pillow and tidied the sheets. She capped the lotion bottle as she rose out of the chair. Now wanting more of him, she crawled across the large bed to him, her face ending up mere inches from his.

"Hello," she whispered. His breath smelt of mint and Scotch, the scent of him, soap and expensive cologne was divine. His hair was damp and messed from the rubbing it with the towel.

He stared at her eyes then murmured, "Hi." Disinterest was evident, although she considered he was feigning it, teasing her.

"Am I still in danger?" She cautiously asked in an attempt at humour and stroked his head, then combed her fingers through his hair.

His hand unconsciously cupped his swelling cock. He sighed. "Not now." He glanced at her and immediately she understood something annoyed him.

She sat back, briefly inspected his arousal regardless of his behaviou. "Please don't be upset with me, Castle."

He breathed in then replied. "You've said you don't want to live with me, Honey. That gravely upsets me."

"I know it does." She drew in a deeper breath then leaned over and kissed him on his chin making a decision to terminate the conversation. She was tired of the subject. However, he didn't respond or react to her advances. She pulled away and looked over his face, his darkened expression. Her gaze settled on his cloudy blue eyes, as she whispered, "Please." She caressed his shoulder observed slight changes in his expression. "Please don't get moody."

"Why, Kate?"

Kate sat up again, sunk to her bottom, rested her hands to her lap. There was a moment of pouting and deep thought. She then heaved out a sigh, and carefully said, "Because we're not ready, none of us. Apart from what you said earlier, have you had a one-on-one discussion with Alexis about me moving in, Castle?"

"Not really, kind of." Rick fidgeted clearly uncomfortable now she was putting forward the questions.

Kate sighed. "You and Alexis seem strained of late, like something has happened." She watched him for a response and saw the slightest twitch. "What? Did something happen?"

"We had an argument before you arrived home."

"Another?" She took a deeper breath. She was right.

"Mm. Another about you again."

It was clear something had happened because Rick was onto her tonight to make a decision. "How bad?"

"Kate." He paused in thought, then with a calmer tone he continued, "My mother is moving out. Alexis has had other women live here. Erin for instance."

Beckett bit her lip, a pang of jealousy giving her momentary grief. "She wasn't a cop."

"What are you saying?"

"Alexis wants to protect and keep you safe. I'm the risk."

"She cannot do that, and I won't let you," he calmly said. "We've been through this."

"I know."

He sighed with frustration. "Don't ever think that things were perfect with Erin, Kate."

"Well, you're divorced, Castle."

"Yep, that marriage didn't last. She's a career woman. No children. Things could be heated between the girls at times and Alexis was pre-teen. She didn't want another mother."

"I don't want to be in that role either."

"No, but unlike Erin, you have to deal with a teenager, an intelligent one."

"Who has seen her father risk his life for me." She said it softly, "I get it, Rick. I understand her and I've lost a parent."

"I appreciate that. The move was also too sudden for you. One day you're in your place and that night you are living with me and my family."

Kate thought about that, felt the restriction tighten in her throat. He was perfectly spot on. It had been a shock and she'd struggled to find the loft her home. "Can we just-"

"Can we just what?"

"Can we keep dating for a while longer? Like, we hide us from our friends, we've never been on a planned double date. I've never held your hand in front of our friends."

Castle sighed, "Okay. Well, we'd better find you an apartment then. Perhaps one day it will be a place for Alexis," he said then laid to his left side facing away from Kate.

Her stomach gave a nervous roll. He'd given up on the conversation quicker than she'd anticipated. She lightly touched his shoulder. "Babe?"

"Mm?"

"Please don't shut me out."

"Go to sleep, Kate."

She instantly pulled her hand away very uncertain about the situation. For a moment or two she remained as she was unsure of what to do, how to react. Castle had experience with domestic life, with the challenges couples face in blended families but she had none of that to source from. Resigned that the awkwardness was going to continue, she placed herself in her favourite position for sleep; on her right side, her body towards the middle of the bed, because that was usually when Castle would wriggle in behind her and rest his left arm about her hip or her waist. It was when she would feel the warmth of his belly on her lower back, his strength when he drew her closer and she would peacefully fall to sleep in his embrace. She looked forward to ending their days like that. His head resting on her pillow, in her hair, his body touching hers, keeping her warm and secure.

She murmured, "Castle?" She waited. He didn't respond. She bit her lip, tightened her body into a ball, fearful of where this might be going.

Warm fingers touched over the curve of her ass like a feather would, and she felt the mattress move as Rick rolled over to spoon her. His arm snaked up her body and she in turn hugged it. She pressed her lips to his knuckles. His face nestled in behind her and he released a slight moan of content.

"It's okay," he whispered.

"Don't scare me."

"Scare you? How?"

Kate squeezed her eyes shut, then she opened them and turned her head a little. "Please don't break up with me."

He squeezed her, "C'mon, Kate. Are you serious? You might not be ready today, but there will come a day you will only want to be with me."

She whispered, "I'm sorry."

He pressed his lips to her bare shoulder. "You do know I'm equally not ready to let you go. I don't want to see you with another man. I like making love with you way too much to let that go."

"I wouldn't be with another man." She breathed for several seconds, sensing he was putting a band aid over the situation for now. "I don't-"

"You don't?"

She remained quiet, leaned into his body and tried to relax. Fingers stroked the top of his hand, and when he prompted her with a light squeeze, she said, "I won't be able to handle seeing you with another woman."

"You won't see that." He said, "You'll share when you're ready."

Kate stayed still but she held his forearm tighter, curled up and pressed her body against his. She felt uneasy but his embrace settled her just enough to sleep.