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RPOV

Watching Stephanie back away and run off the dance floor hurt like hell. For a moment, it felt as if I was watching my world crumble around me. Then I remembered where we were and who I was. No way was I going to give up this easily. I started to follow only to have Bobby and Tank block my path. "Lester is going after her," Bobby said as he glanced from me to the door.

"I need to talk to her," I said, pulling off my mask. I was already over this whole costume situation that Juniak thought was so clever.

"Just give Lester a chance to calm her down first," Bobby said.

I stripped off the jacket and dumped both it and the mask on the table. "Did anyone let her know I was coming or was my arrival a complete shock to her?" Based on her expression when she spotted me, I'd guess she wasn't informed.

"Lester had just told her about you coming when you walked through the door," Bobby replied. "She didn't have hardly any time to process the information."

That would explain her body language. My attention cut to the door she'd escaped through. I'm going after her.

Bobby and Tank stepped back, giving me a clear path. "Walk, don't run," Tank said. "It will give Lester more time to work his magic."

Using every bit of strength I could muster, I forced myself to walk through the door and onto the outside patio. Binkie and Cal were standing at the foot of the patio talking and looking toward the golf course. "Gentlemen."

"Boss," Binkie said, his eyes widening for a split second before awareness lit in his gaze. He lifted a hand and pointed toward the direction they'd been looking. "They went that way."

"I could hear her heels on the concrete cart path," Cal added. "So, I'd stick to the path."

Considering she was in heels and the grass was soft, staying on the path would help her move faster.

I gave them a nod then took off in the direction of the path. Every nerve in my body was on alert as I forced myself to walk at a slower pace. She had every right to refuse my apology. Hell, she had every right to refuse to listen to me, period. My mind was just starting to spiral into the abyss when I caught the sound of voices in the distance. The moment I was able to identify those voices as Lester and Steph, I sped up my pace.

"If I know my cousin the way I think I do, this is the last time, Steph," Lester said.

"Last time for what?" she asked, and I could detect the curiosity and fear in her voice.

"For anything. For everything. Even if you two aren't meant to ever be a couple again, you need to talk to him. Get the answers to all the questions you've been living with. Let him explain why he did what he did. Maybe you'll find enough common ground to at least revive a friendship."

My cousin knew me well. The fact that this was my last shot at having any kind of life worth living wasn't lost on him.

I stepped into their line of sight and stopped. They both turned their attention to me. The look on Steph's face nearly broke my heart all over again.

"Babe," I said, and had to fight back a wince at how emotional I sounded. What in the hell happened to the badass Army Ranger who could invoke fear with one look? "Can we please talk?"

Lester looked from me to Stephanie. "Please, Steph. If you won't do it for Ranger, do it for me."

Besides Tank, my cousin is probably the only other person who has seen me at my worst. I'm sure he can tell by my emotional state that I'm not in a good headspace right now. Though, in truth, I haven't been in a good headspace since before my fallout with Stephanie. I know he doesn't want to lose me, but he also doesn't want to have to explain everything to our family if he did.

After what felt like an eternity, Steph finally nodded. He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "Don't be afraid to ask the hard questions," he murmured as he pulled back. Then he turned and walked past me, patting me on the back as he went.

Once he was out of sight, I shifted my attention back to Stephanie. The set in her jaw told me this wasn't going to be an easy conversation.

"You wanted to talk," she said, her voice filled with emotion. "So, talk."

"Okay." I nodded as I took a cautious step toward her. "Let me start by saying I'm sorry."

She cocked her head to the side as she held my gaze. "Sorry for what exactly?"

I knew she wouldn't make this easy on me, as well as she shouldn't. "For everything," I replied. "For dumping my emotional baggage on you and then giving you an ultimatum. For turning tail and running. For not reaching out sooner to try and explain."

She held up a hand, stopping my verbal diarrhea. "Let's start with the first I'm sorry," she said. "You've never been one to hand me ultimatums. Why then? What changed?"

I took another step forward and rested an arm along the bridge railing. "I changed," I began. "You know how normally when I return from a mission, I spend a week or two in isolation decompressing and getting my head back on straight."

She nodded.

"I didn't do that two years ago."

Her eyes widened as she stared at me. "Why not? You need that time to help keep you balanced."

I nodded and turned to look over the railing as my mind reeled and the memories came flooding back. "You're right. I do, but at that point, all I could think about was getting home to you."

The last and final mission of my contract term ended up being FUBAR. I'd lost two men and the rest of my team barely made it out alive after almost failing to accomplish our task. The days immediately following were filled with doctor's appointments, debriefings, and hours of my handler badgering me to re-sign.

When he finally accepted that I was done and cut me loose, all I could think about was getting home to Steph.

"The mission I returned from had been all kinds of FUBAR and I had no business coming near you until I'd decompressed and seen my therapist. Instead, I drove back to Trenton and straight to your apartment."

She mimicked my move and turned to look over the railing at the creek. "I remember. You were amped up and unusually emotional." She smirked. "That night was some of the best sex we ever had."

I'd been rough with her that night, rougher than she deserved. Yet somehow, she'd known what I needed and gave herself to me without reservation. The guilt I'd carried over what I perceived as my manhandling of her dissolved with her comment and I managed a grin. "My ego thanks you."

She matched my grin with one of her own and I relaxed just a little. "You're welcome."

My smile faded as I formulated my next thought. "I wasn't in a good headspace when I showed up on your doorstep that night. I wasn't in control of my emotions. I had no right to touch you and certainly no right to do what I did the morning after."

She turned her head to look at me. "Is that why you issued the ultimatum?"

I could still remember it as if it happened yesterday. While standing in her foyer, preparing to leave, an overwhelming wave of fear washed over me. It felt as if I was saying goodbye to her for the last time, and in a moment of abject panic, I'd said things to her I could never take back.

"Like I told you last night, my contract is done, Babe. I'm ready for someday, but I need to know you're finally done with the cop for good. I love you more than life itself, but I deserve better than to be your safety net when things go sideways with Morelli. I won't be your second choice and I won't accept anything less than everything."

Her shocked expression should have been enough to pull me out of my frenzy. Instead, when she remained silent, I continued my rant. "I'm prepared to give you everything you'd ever want, including me, but that means you move out of this rat trap apartment. You and the rat can live with me at Haywood, or we can buy a house somewhere, but I won't have you staying here. You deserve better."

The shock on her face slowly morphed into anger. "If that was a marriage proposal, then it's the worse one I've ever heard in my life." She closed the distance between us and poked a finger at my chest. "And just who in the hell do you think you are showing up here after being in the wind for four months, then dropping all these demands in my lap after years of telling me your life didn't lend itself to relationships?"

I snagged her finger and held it probably a little tighter than I should have. "I'm the man who loves you and is tired of being treated as an afterthought in your life." I let go of her finger and reached for the door. "You think about what I said and let me know. The ball is in your court, babe."

I nodded. "I said some rotten things to you that morning. I did mean them, but I shouldn't have dropped it on your shoulders like that. It should have been an equal and measured conversation between us. Not me backing you into a corner with accusations."

"Yes, it should have," she replied. "You knew I didn't appreciate being told what to do."

I nodded. "I did, and you have to know, if I'd been in my right mind, I would have never dumped on you in that way."

"At the time, I didn't know what to think," she said. "After you left, I was confused and angry and frustrated. I didn't even get a chance to tell you about the offer your contact at the FBI extended to me the day before. You just swooped in and took me to bed, then the next morning you laid down your demands and left." Her attention drifted back to the stream. "You'd never been like that with me before. So, I had to get over the shock and the anger before it occurred to me that something wasn't right with you."

"It wasn't," I murmured as I continued to stare down at the running water.

"That's when I really thought about what you said," she continued. "I decided I needed to find out what was wrong with you. You can't begin to imagine how devastated I was when I showed up at Haywood only to learn that you disappeared again."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "At first, I was confused when Lester told me you'd gone into the wind again. I had damn near convinced myself that our encounter had been nothing but a dream. Then Tank, Lester, and Bobby sat me down and told me how you'd arrived at Haywood out of the blue, gone straight to Seven, and nearly ripped the place apart. Bobby said it took Lester, Tank, Cal, and Ram to hold you down while he sedated you."

"I was angry at myself for what I'd done," I replied. "I was angry at you for not just jumping in my arms and screaming yes at my proposal. I was also terrified of you rejecting me."

"So you disappear? Did you think it would hurt less if you rejected me first?"

I hung my head at the accuracy of her question. "I'm not proud of what I did, babe. My only defense is that I wasn't in my right mind. So, when a full twenty-four hours went by, and I didn't hear from you, I thought I'd blown my chance. My handler called in a last-ditch effort to try and get me to re-sign. I told him the only way I'd sign back on was if they could ship me back out ASAP. He jumped at it, and I was deployed before the end of the day."

"Before Bobby's sedation had completely worn off?" she asked, her voice now laced with concern and what sounded like a hint of anger. "What were you trying to accomplish?"

"I had it in my head that you'd rejected me and emotionally, I couldn't bring myself to stay in Trenton and watch you shack up with the cop. It would have killed me to see him crush your spirit."

"So, what?" she asked with a bite in her tone. "Did you think the Government would kill you instead?"

I couldn't bring myself to answer her question and instead let the silence hang between us.

After several long silence seconds, she turned her head to look at me. "Dear God, Carlos. Why?"