SPOV

My heart clenched at the silence that met my question. I knew him well enough to understand that he'd signed a new contract, with the hope that the Government would send him to some third-world country on some suicide mission where his body might never be found. "Dear God, Carlos. Why?"

The shrug he gave me in answer was so far out of his character that it dragged all of my focus off my pain and fully onto him. For a moment, I simply studied him, taking in his stance. Hunched shoulders, sad eyes, and an inability to look me in the face, all screamed insecurity and doubt. Hell, I could almost feel the anguish radiating off his frame. The man standing next to me wasn't my Ranger, the badass mercenary I knew and loved. This man was Carlos, the battered and broken soldier clinging with bloody hands to the jagged shards of his life.

The need to comfort him was overpowering and without thinking, I reached out to cup his face. The moment I touched him he jerked as if I'd slapped him instead. "Easy," I murmured, then gently turned his head so he had to face me. "That wasn't an answer," I whispered. "Now, tell me why."

"Babe," he choked out on what sounded like a broken sob.

My chest constricted at the sound, and I fought to draw in a breath. I don't think I'd ever seen Ranger so shattered and vulnerable. "Knowingly walking into a suicide mission is the same thing as committing the act," I said.

"What difference would it have made," he asked, his voice shaky as he lifted a hand to cover mine. "With all the black marks on my soul, I'm going to hell anyway."

His image blurred as tears welled for a second time. I closed my eyes in a futile attempt to battle them back. Instead, I could feel them break loose and trickle down my cheeks. "Don't say that. You're a good man, Carlos."

"No, I'm not," he replied. "I've done a lot of horrible and unspeakable things in my life, that have left me forever damaged. Then I met you and got to experience all your sunlight and exuberance for life and I found myself wanting to be that good man you somehow see. I so desperately wanted to become him, for you."

Knowing there wasn't any way I was going to stop the tears, I opened my eyes and tried to focus on him. "You were and you still are him."

"If I was a good man, I wouldn't have hurt you two years ago, and I wouldn't be standing here now, causing you pain all over again." He shook his head, then took a step back and out of my touch. The loss of contact conjured such a powerful and immediate feeling of loss I nearly gasped at the pain.

"No, Stephanie," he continued. "I'm a cruel and selfish man because I couldn't bring myself to say no when Juniak invited me. I knew coming here would hurt you, but I couldn't resist the chance to see and touch you one last time. Maybe even by some miracle, I could find a way to convince you to take a second chance with me and earn back your love."

What in the hell was I supposed to say to that? I sucked in a ragged breath. "I never stopped loving you, Carlos." I finally managed to say as I swiped at the tears. God, I'm sure my makeup is now wrecked with all the crying I've done. "Lord knows I tried, but even starting over and putting two hundred miles between me and this town wasn't enough."

Instead of giving him the boost I intended, his shoulders slumped even more, and the grief in his expression deepened. "I'm sorry you felt you had to leave everything you knew and loved to get away from me."

I gave a vicious shake of my head. "No, Ranger. That's not what I meant. Yes, leaving the guys, Mary Lou, and my nieces behind were hard, but DC is less than three hours away. They've all come to visit me over the last two years, so it's not like I never get to see them. What I meant was, my location doesn't matter. Yes, if I'd stayed here there would have been constant reminders of you, but leaving didn't keep the memories from following me."

Even though it was early July, a sudden chill shimmied through me, and I crossed my arms and began rubbing them with my hands. "It didn't matter that I was in a new city with new friends. There were still sights and sounds, events and circumstances that reminded me of you daily. I'd wake up wondering how you were doing, and I'd go to bed missing your embrace."

"Don't you see…" I shook my head again. "Despite everything that's happened or how bad you hurt me; I've never been able to stop loving you."

Another silence fell between us before he cocked his head to the side and looked me straight in the eyes. "You are my world, Stephanie, and I don't want to go on living in it without you."

His declaration pierced my heart with such force I almost staggered in response. As much as I missed him and wanted him in my life, the fear of going through that kind of pain again still made me wary.

Could I find it within myself to give him another chance?

Could I live with the consequences if I didn't?

"I'm scared, Carlos. I'm scared to say yes, but I'm just as scared to say no."

"I know, babe." He reached and took my hand in his. "After what I did, you have every right to be frightened and leery. Honestly, you probably have more good reasons for saying no than you do yes. All I can say is that if you give me another chance, I will spend the rest of my life doing everything in my power to keep you happy and make up for what I did to you."

I could feel myself shaking, though at this point I know it was not from the cold. I knew coming tonight wouldn't be easy, but I hadn't expected my entire future to be hanging in the balance. If I say no, there won't ever be another chance for us. He'll make sure of that.

Just the thought of living in a world where Ranger didn't exist, created such a blinding pain within me I could barely breathe. There was only one choice I could make and not feel guilt or regret, but could I survive it if something went wrong?

His actions tonight only served to confirm that he was still far from being a mentally and emotionally stable man. Though, I guess maybe he never really was before. He was just a master at hiding his wounds. The need to help him heal and become a better version of the badass Ranger he used to be, swamped me. Still, I couldn't bring myself to just blindly sweep the last two years away as if it never happened.

There would need to be conditions and ground rules and we were far from done hashing out everything. "If we do this again, I'm going to need you to be patient, because we both still have a lot to work through, and quite frankly, Carlos, you need to understand that my heart won't survive another blow."

For the first time since he appeared on the path, his expression began to lighten, and hope lit in his eyes. "A day, a week, a year, or ten years, we can take as much time as you need. Just please say yes, Babe."

No way could I resist when I know that one little word would give him so much joy. "Yes," I said with an almost exasperated sigh. "I'm probably crazy for doing this again, but the fact is I still love you beyond logic and reason, so yes, we can try again."

In an instant, he pulled me to him and slammed his mouth down on mine. The second his lips were on mine; a whimper tore from me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. God, I missed the taste of him and the feel of his arms wrapped around me. Our mouths dueled for dominance as the need to convey our feelings to one another drove us.

When we finally broke apart, gasping for breath, I couldn't help but smile. "Wow, have I missed that."

"Me too," he replied as he grinned at me. Then he lifted a hand and tucked a stray curl behind my ear. "I meant everything I said, Babe. I promise I won't break your heart again."

"You better not." I grabbed his hand and held it in mine. "But you should know if you do, you won't have to worry about the Government sending you on a suicide mission because I'll kill you myself."

He barked out a laugh at my warning. The sound wrapped around me like a warm blanket, easing just a little of the anxiety and pain. "Dually noted," he said then he reached out and took his other hand in mine. "I know we're far from being done with this conversation, but we probably should get back to the party before Juniak, or worse yet, your mother, comes looking for us."

The remainder of my mother sent another cold chill slithering through me. She and a slew of other burg busybodies were inside probably already spreading gossip about my spectacular exit. If I went back in looking like a raccoon, it would only further their speculation. "I can't go back in looking like this. I'm sure with all the crying I've done I must be a sight."

His smile softened as he cupped my head and leaned in for a gentle kiss. "You're stunning, babe."

"I'm glad you think so, but unless I can find a bathroom to freshen up first, I'm not going back inside and giving all those nosy bodies, even more, to talk about." Just because I didn't live here anymore didn't mean I could easily dismiss their rumormongering.

He let go of me and pulled out his phone. I could only assume he was talking to Tank or Lester when he began to speak. "Yo. Find someone to open the clubhouse for us, then have Brown meet us there with Stephanie's bag. She wants to freshen up and would rather not have an audience while doing it."

Several seconds of silence followed before he spoke again. "Good. Meet you there in a couple of minutes."

He disconnected the call and slid his phone back into his pocket.

"I see you still haven't learned proper phone manners," I quipped.

"Babe."