Chapter 38: Freeza Burn
(cut to Goku getting knocked down to the ground)
GOHAN: That last attack drained all of his energy. We gotta help him!
KRILLIN: You're right, Gohan. It's time to get in there and throw down!
"Really?" Lucy was skeptical.
GOHAN: Really, Krillin?
KRILLIN: Ha-ha! F**k no!
"That's what I thought," Lucy sweatdropped.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(Cut to Goku getting knocked by a lake, his head falling into the water. Frieza is seen approaching Goku as the latter gets up and starts coughing and sputtering before Frieza grabs him by the undershirt.)
FRIEZA: Now what do you have to say for yourself, monkey?
"Uh, can we make up and be friends?" Lisanna answered, hopefully.
(Goku coughs up water on Frieza's face, who proceeds to kick Goku repeatedly on the ground after a brief pause)
"Yeah, I thought so," Lisanna sighed.
GOKU: Oh! Yike! Ugh! Ah! Ow! Sonofa!...
(cut to King Kai's planet)
YAMCHA: You know what? This is totally bogus.
"Never use that word again," Gray cringed.
"And just never talk again," Gajeel said.
TIEN: I'm going to do my best to ignore that you just used the word "bogus".
YAMCHA: King Kai hasn't taught us crap since we got here! And what's worse, Piccolo didn't even have to train with us. He just sat and meditated all the time.
"Because what's the point of you guys learning if you're just gonna become obsolete," Levy said with no remorse.
"And screw Yamcha," Gajeel added.
"Can't you two have a bit more faith?" Erza asked.
"I'll have more faith when one of them actually contributes," Levy folded her arms.
"And screw Yamcha," Gajeel repeated.
TIEN: You're just jealous.
YAMCHA: No I'm not- Okay, a little.
"At least he admitted it," Laxus said.
"Unlike some people," Evergreen huffed.
RECOOME: (faintly in the distance) Recoome…
"Well, this is unexpected," Freed looks a bit surprised.
"I actually didn't expect to see these guys again," Levy said.
CHIAOTZU: Hey, do you guys hear that?
RECOOME: (now more loudly) DIVE!
(Recoome crashes head first into the planet)
RECOOME: (muffled) Hello.
"Hello," Some of the mages waved.
BOJACK: Yargh!
(Burter, Jeice, Guldo all appear above Recoome)
BURTER: I've got his left leg!
JEICE: I've got his right!
GULDO: I've got his middle!
"What are you grabbing exactly?" Carla's brow raised.
(all three of them pull Recoome out of the ground, who shakes his head)
RECOOME: Hey, what's up?
"Just us watching you," Happy answered.
TIEN: So... are you guys-
GULDO: We're under attack! (telekinetically slams a tree into King Kai's house)
"Rude," Juvia points her finger at the screen.
BURTER: Whoa, little quick to the trigger there, Ace.
GULDO: Sorry, I kinda lost my head there.
"It's funny you say that," Bickslow laughs.
GULDO: After I... lost my head.
(King Kai opens his door and walks up to the Ginyu Force)
KING KAI: Hey, I was just inside, taking a crap- I'm old, takes me awhile- come out, there's a tree in my living room. What's up?
"The most nonchalant way to address that," Lucy laughed a bit.
YAMCHA: We were just standing around and talking about your awesome training and then these guys showed up.
"Kiss ass," Gajeel sighed.
CHIAOTZU: Look like a bunch of queers.
TIEN: Chiaotzu! We don't even know them. We shouldn't make such rash judgments about-
"No, he's very correct," Gajeel said.
"Still, you shouldn't judge people," Erza added.
("Tokusentai" clip plays and the four deceased Ginyu Force members make a battle pose)
TIEN: Well... we shouldn't think less of them for it.
"Glad you agree, Tien," Erza smiled.
JEICE: Good day, mates. How ya going? We're here to take control of your planet in the name of Lord Frieza. Sorry about that. (cracks his knuckles)
"But you're dead? What's Frieza gonna do with a tiny planet in the afterlife?" Levy was confused.
"Brag about it?" Gray suggested.
KING KAI: Heh! Hahah! Ah yeah, good luck with that. Alright guys, show them who's boss.
TIEN: That'd be you.
YAMCHA: Yep. All you, man.
CHIAOTZU: You're the boss.
KING KAI: What?!
"I'll give it to them. Best way to reverse it on an asshole teacher," Laxus laughed.
RECOOME: What? Recoome has to fight this? He doesn't even come up to Recoome's knee caps!
"You can't even fit through a door," Lucy said.
JEICE: Probably can't even handle a gut full of piss.
"The only thing you have going for you is Space Australia, you one dimensional side character," Levy threw in.
BURTER: I bet you can't even run a mile.
"You're insecure homosexual alien who's only personality trait is being fast," Evergreen folded her arms.
GULDO: You're blue!
"And you're just a racist small green alien," Erza finished.
"Who has an attraction for dog treats!" Happy added.
"No...I don't think that one is by his own choice," Lucy sweatdropped.
KING KAI: Yeah, all of you can just go straight to Hell.
"They should be, I don't understand why they aren't," Romeo said.
RECOOME: Oh, yeah? And who's gonna make Recoome?
(Cut to the Bloody Pond in Hell with the camera moving to Goz, who is seen picking his nose while singing in German. A hitting sound is heard off-screen and all four deceased Ginyu Force are seen falling into the Bloody Pond.)
The guild erupts into laughter.
GOZ: Mez, we have visitors! Prepare ze camps.
(cut back to King Kai's planet)
KING KAI: Well, that takes care of that! Hmm, that reminds me. Wonder how Goku's doing.
(shows Frieza headbutting Goku, sending him tumbling)
The guild winces at the hit.
"That looks about right," Gray winced.
KING KAI: That's about right.
GOKU: (struggles to get back up on his feet) No...! I can't lose! I have to beat you! You're evil, and you have to be stopped!
"You tell him!" Wendy pumped her fist.
FRIEZA: Oh, come now. If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then let God strike me down where I stand! (lightning strikes Frieza, which doesn't even harm him)
"So, God's pretty useless," Laxus was unimpressed.
"Don't be mean to Kami," Natsu frowned.
"The point still stands," Laxus responded.
FRIEZA: Ha! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game! Anyway, back to- (sees Goku raising both hands in the sky) What are you doing?
"Spirit Bomb!" Those who knew what the move was cheered.
Those who didn't were confused.
GOKU: (thinking) I have to use the Spirit Bomb! It's my only chance!
FRIEZA: Seriously, what... What is this all about? Are you trying to tell me you once caught a fish that big?
"I'm sure he has," Lucy said.
GOKU: I'm just... stretchin'.
FRIEZA: In the middle of a fight?
"Nothing wrong with proper stretching," Lisanna started stretching himself.
GOKU: Yes. (thinking) I have only one chance, but this planet barely has enough energy left as it is. Wait, I'll just draw from the surrounding planets! (starts drawing energy from nearby planets for the Spirit Bomb)
"So, he needs energy from other people?" Freed asked.
"Specifically he needs energy from anything living, and it takes a while to charge," Levy explained.
"What good is a move if your enemy kills you before it goes off," Laxus scoffed.
(cut to Piccolo, Gohan, and Krillin watching the fight from an island)
PICCOLO: What's going on? He's just standing there with his hands up.
KRILLIN: (thinking to himself) Wait a second... (extremely loudly) HE'S USING (off screen) THE SPIRIT BOMB!
"WE'RE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN KRILLIN!" The mages shouted at him.
FRIEZA: The Spirit what's-it-now?
"Ah, crapbaskets," Everyone said.
GOKU: (thinking) Oh, no...
PICCOLO: Would you stop screaming?
KRILLIN: THE SPIRIT BOMB IS THE ONLY THING THAT CAN (off screen) KILL FRIEZA!
"Shut up!" Gray shouted.
"Krillin, please stop!" Wendy begged.
PICCOLO: (off-screen) Shut up!
KRILLIN: (off-screen) Too scared!
PICCOLO: (off-screen) Damn it!
"Just punch him!" Gajeel stressed.
FRIEZA: What is that fool yammering on about?
GOKU: He's talking about... ghosts.
"Really?" The intelligent members deadpanned.
FRIEZA: Ghosts?
GOKU: Yeah, you know. Spirits. Ghosts
"Well, we now know where Gohan's bad lying comes from," Mira giggled.
FRIEZA: What do ghosts have to do with this?
GOKU: Everything.
FRIEZA: That's stupid. You're stupid! STOP BEING STUPID!
"That's like asking Natsu to stop breathing," Gray laughed...until he got punched in the face.
"Say that again!" Natsu roared. Gray rushed him back and the two scuffled until Erza punched them back into their seats.
GOKU: Or, maybe I'm just being rhetorical.
FRIEZA: NO! No, you're not! God, it's like you just try to use words you hear randomly to try and sound smarter!
"Pretty sure that's how Natsu learned how to speak," Laxus quipped. The fire dragon slayer did nothing, so he could avoid Erza's wrath.
GOKU: Huh. Well now you're just acting transcendent.
FRIEZA: Hrgh! (angrily knees Goku in the face)
KRILLIN: Oh, no! If Goku can't focus on the Spirit Bomb he doesn't stand a chance!
"He also needs to be alive to use it," Lily said.
"So, now would be a perfect time to help him," Lucy urged.
PICCOLO: I think the issue is less about him focusing and more about staying alive!
KRILLIN: I don't get it, though. Where's the baaaa... (notices the Spirit Bomb) holy balls!
"THAT'S HUGE!" Everyone shouted.
"Wait, so it's not always that size?" Freed asked.
"N-no it's usually the size of a beach ball," Levy stammered.
GOHAN: Wow! Is that... the Spirit Bomb?
PICCOLO: It's massive!
KRILLIN: (extremely loud) Oh, my God, that thing's gigantic! It's gonna kill Frieza for sure-
PICCOLO: SHUT UP! (punches Krillin)
KRILLIN: Aaah!
"Finally," Gajeel sighed.
(Frieza punches Goku, knocking him back but continues to hold his hands in the sky)
FRIEZA: There you are again, throwing your hands up in the air like you just don't care. Care, damn it! (swats Goku away with his tail, knocking him into the water)
"Should be really thankful villains don't just look up," Romeo was relieved/
"It's a good thing Frieza's too pissed off to care," Macao agreed.
PICCOLO: Damn it, this is bad!
GOHAN: Dad...
(Goku is seen climbing halfway onto shore and gasping for breath)
FRIEZA: (lands in front of Goku) I believe I'm done. As entertaining a punching bag you make, I find there is no more enjoyment to be found here.
"You're only just realizing this?" Evergreen asked.
GOKU: Wait, we could always play a game of 20 questions.
"Oh! I love that game," Happy prepares to play. Lucy tapes his mouth shut.
FRIEZA: Alright then, first question: Are you about to die?
"No…" Natsu answered, sweating a bit.
GOKU: No.
FRIEZA: Ah-ah-ah. (points a finger at Goku, preparing to finish him off) No lying.
"Ah, crapbaskets," The mages looked in worry.
GOKU: Damn!
FRIEZA: Say goodbye, monkey- (notices a flare in the lake)
"Ah, crapbaskets," Everyone muttered again.
FRIEZA: Ugh. Wh-What... What is that glare? That's not a sun. It's not a moon and it's certainly not a space stati- What is that? (looks up and notices the Spirit Bomb) What... is... that-? (looks down at Goku) What is that?!
GOKU: Are we still playing 20 questions?
"Not sure if it would help you," Lucy spoke, nervously.
FRIEZA: You were planning on using that on me, weren't you?!
"No," Natsu lied.
GOKU: Yeah…
"You're not still playing 20 questions! Keep lying!" Lisanna urged.
FRIEZA: I don't know where you got that much power from, but it doesn't really matter now, does it?
"Can't he just throw it now?" Romeo asked.
"If he throws it now Frieza would just dodge it, and it would all be for nothing," Levy explained. The situation didn't look good for the Z-fighters.
(Goku leaps from the water and tries to launch a surprise attack at Frieza but Frieza catches his fist)
GOKU: Ah, nuts...
FRIEZA: Looks like that whole "Super Saiyan" thing didn't really pan out after all. When you see Vegeta, tell him I said, "Like a bitch."
"Will someone help already!?" Wendy yelled.
FRIEZA: (charges a Death Beam aimed between Goku's eyes) What the-FAAAAHH?! (Piccolo kicks him in the face, sending him far into the lake)
"Alright Piccolo!" The mages cheered.
"Good job," Mira smiled a bit.
GOKU: Piccolo, what are you doing here?
PICCOLO: No talk time. Plan, now!
GOKU: Well, I still got the Spirit Bomb, but I still need both arms to charge it. (puts both arms in the sky) You'll have to distract him while I gather energy.
PICCOLO: Oh, that's not so bad-
GOKU: For five minutes. And considering how bad he was kicking my butt... Ah, I'm sure you can handle it.
Everyone who was there for the fight with Raditz were slacked jawed by Goku's words.
"Did he just hold a grudge?" Carla was shocked.
"I didn't think it was physically possible…" Lucy watched in surprise.
PICCOLO: Did you just hold a grudge?
(Frieza rises back up from the water, visibly furious)
FRIEZA: AND I JUST KEEP GETTING REMINDED OF MY FAILURES!
PICCOLO: You mean your failure at killing me or just in general?
"Oooooooh," The childish members laughed.
(Freiza growls in anger and proceeds to give Piccolo a massive beatdown)
GOKU: (in his thoughts; singing the tune of "Mahna Mahna") Mahna Mahna
do-doo be-do-do
Mahna Mahna
do do-do do
Mahna Mahna
do-doo de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do I'ma chargin' my attack
Everyone laughed at the scene.
"He definitely held a grudge," Gajeel laughed.
PICCOLO: (faintly in the background) No, no, no, no- (a snapping sound is heard) Oh, God, my glubok!
"Seems Frieza finally found it," Freed winced.
PICCOLO: (gets knocked down to the ground next to Goku) DARN IT!
FRIEZA: You know, I think I have an insta-fix for this situation: I'm going to blow you and this whole miserable planet to nothing! (begins charging a Death Ball) ISN'T THAT FUN?! (starts laughing manically while rising in the air, holding the Death Ball with his finger)
"He's finally gone insane," Erza said. The mages were taken aback by Frieza's craze.
PICCOLO: Gah! Goku, just throw the damn thing!
GOKU: Can't. Not done yet.
"HOW!?" Everyone yelled.
PICCOLO: What?! How?!
GOKU: It's only been four minutes and fifty-eight- (a "ding" sound is heard) Done!
"NOW THROW IT!" Everyone was ready for the end.
(Goku launches the Spirit Bomb at Frieza. Frieza is shown rising in the air while laughing madly until he stops and forgets something...)
FRIEZA: What? (looks behind and notices the Spirit Bomb) Oh, somehow I completely forgot about that.
"Weird how that happens sometimes," Gajeel laughed.
SPIRIT BOMB: Om, nom, nom.
FRIEZA: (extends both arms out) Oh, my God.
"I'd be pretty scared if that was coming at me, but I have my darling Gray to protect me!" Juvia cooed.
"Get off me!" Gray yelled, trying to push her off.
(Frieza tries to stop the Spirit Bomb with his hands, groaning while doing so, but is slowly getting pushed back)
FRIEZA: (thinking) If I had any single regret for the countless horrific events that have transpired in my wake, it's that I'm dying. (screams as he gets pulled in into the Spirit Bomb)
"Yeah, that sounds about right," Laxus leaned back in his seat.
(the Spirit Bomb explodes, with the explosion being so enormous that it can be seen from outside Planet Namek as the camera fades to black)
"That's...the biggest explosion we've seen so far," Levy gapped at the scene.
(cut back to Planet Namek where there's an enormous crater and then to Krillin climbing onto a rock)
GOHAN: Krillin! You're okay!
KRILLIN: I think I swallowed a trout. (Gohan helps him onto shore) So, Gohan, think he's dead?
"Has to be dead," Gray said.
"I have another bad feeling," Carla muttered to herself.
GOHAN: Krillin, right now I'm more worried about my dad.
KRILLIN: Who did you think I was talking about?
"Freezer," Natsu answered.
GOHAN: *gasps* Krillin, look!
(shows Piccolo emerging from the water)
PICCOLO: (thinking) Alright, come on you heavy bastard. No, no one actually helped me, that would be a little too much. (heaves Goku onto shore, who gasps for breath)
"Well, you're both alive and that's what matters," Lisanna was happy.
GOHAN: They're both alive!
KRILLIN: Neat.
GOKU: Grandpa, I don't want any more baths today. I'm clean now.
"And his brain is waterlogged, great," Evergreen rolled her eyes.
(Gohan and Krillin land on the island)
GOHAN: (starts running up to Goku) Dad!
GOKU: (wearily) Hey, Gohan.
(Gohan laughs and hugs Goku)
"Awwwww!" The girls cooed at the scene.
The guys smiled at the reunion of father and son.
KRILLIN: You know, I gotta admit, after what happened with Vegeta, I was pretty sure the Spirit Bomb was gonna be a dud.
"Stop talking Krillin," Carla muttered again.
GOHAN: But we showed him what for!
GOKU: Yeah, you could say he suffered a bad case of "Freezer burn".
"Never tell a joke again," Gajeel looked serious.
(Everyone starts laughing until Krillin suddenly shrieks and look up in horror at Frieza is seen standing on top of a rock, surviving the Spirit Bomb)
"HOW!?" Everyone was shocked at Frieza still being alive.
"I knew it…" Carla looked upset.
FRIEZA: By the way, not dead. 'Kay, thanks, die. (blasts Piccolo in the chest)
"NO!" Screamed Wendy.
PICCOLO: ...F**k you. (collapses on the ground)
GOHAN: (walks up to Piccolo and drops to his knees) No... No...! (raises his head to the sky and screams) NOOOOOOOOOOOO! (echoes)
"Gohan…" Mira felt worried for him.
KRILLIN: Whoa! For a moment there I thought that was gonna be me.
"Not the time Krillin!" Lucy screamed.
FRIEZA: (smiles) Oh-ho-ho! (frowns and points at Krillin) You're next.
Levy looked down at her notepad and remembered Popo's words from earlier.
"Ah shit.." She said softly.
KRILLIN: W-W-Wait! What did I do to you?
FRIEZA: Remember my tail?
"OVER THAT!?" Natsu roared.
KRILLIN: Can't you take a joke?
(Frieza gives an ugly stare at Krillin while Krillin gives an innocent, cute smile. Cut to Krillin being shot into the sky.)
KRILLIN: WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAA- (explodes to smithereens as Goku and Gohan watch his remains fall from the sky)
Everyone's faces mirrored Goku and Gohan's shocked expressions.
(Krillin Owned Count: 28)
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to Mr. Popo at on Earth with the camera zooming in on his face, with dramatic music playing, before eventually stopping)
MR. POPO: Called it!
Chapter End