NOTE: I wanna put out an idea for a reaction fic where as a wedding gift to Goku and Chi-Chi, Baba shows the two and their friends DBZKAi. You can either do just the saiyan saga or all of Z. It doesn't really matter, but just an idea I wanted to put out there, because I'm not gonna do it. I just want to see if someone else would be up to the task of doing it.
I also have another story that I'm currently working on that isn't a reaction fic. It's a fic based around Cardfight Vanguard with my own characters and plot. I don't have a date on when that'll be getting posted, but I do know that when I do this story will be finished.
Anyways enough of my rambling and enjoy these misfits watching Bardock.
Chapter 42: The Father of Goku
"C'mon Gajeel! You're being slow as hell!" Natsu yelled at the other dragon slayer. The pink haired idiot was munching on a stack of meat Mira had cooked.
"Shut the hell up, Salamander!" Gajeel yelled back. He sat down next to Levy and crossed his legs. The blue word mage placed her book down as Lily sat in her lap.
"Are you sure it's ok to watch without the majority of the audience here?" Levy asked Mira. The eldest Strauss sibling stood on the stage, getting the lacrama ready to go.
"I'm sure they won't mind," Mira dismissed with a wave of her hand. Once she was finished she made her way back towards her siblings.
"I for one hope that it's nothing too chaotic like the last stuff. I could use a bit of a breather," Lucy sighed, leaning into her seat.
"Don't be such a baby, Lucy," Happy teased as he laid on the table. The blue exceed munched happily on a fish as Lucy fumed at the small feline.
"Don't call me a baby, cat!" Lucy shot back at Happy.
Juvia hugged Gray tightly, forcing herself into his seat. "As long as I have my Gray here, nothing will be too much!" Juvia gushed.
"You're being a bit too much right now," Gray tried to remove her from his person. Juvia stuck to him like gorilla glue, making the ice mage eventually give up.
"Wendy, you're bouncing around too much," Carla informed the excited dragon slayer. The young teen looked down at her partner and smiled, embarrassingly.
"S-sorry, Carla, I'm just excited to watch more," Wendy explained herself. The young dragon slayer wanted to see more of Gohan. Since the two are the youngest of a certain special group, she felt a certain kinship with Gohan(No, it's not romance).
"It's about time we got started everyone," Erza announced, so everyone would calm down.
"Alright guys, it's starting up!" Mira started the viewing.
(shows an outside shot of Planet Vegeta with the sound of an infant crying being heard)
"This is different," Lucy noticed.
"Oh, are we getting what I think we're getting!?" Levy looked excited.
NARRATOR: Long ago, on a planet long forgotten by time...a young hero was born. A righteous Saiyan warrior who would bring peace to the galaxy. This...is not his story.
"Baby Goku looks so cute!" The girls gushed.
NARRATOR: This is the story of another Saiyan warrior, who slaughtered millions of innocents and brought terror to those who heard his name. And that name is...
("Bardock: Father of Goku Abridged" appears on the screen)
"We are getting a flashback!" Levy shouted, excited.
"Finally getting more of a look into Goku's dad! I bet he was a badass!" Natsu grinned, excitedly.
"I wonder how similar and different him and Goku are," Erza pondered.
"So, we're ignoring the part where it said he murdered millions?" Gray asked. Apparently nobody heard him.
(Cut to Bardock and his crew in their Ōzaru forms causing a rampage on Planet Kanassa with "Dare" by Stan Bush playing in the background. By morning, all of the Kanassans have been exterminated and shows everyone but Bardock laughing.)
Silence overtakes the guild at the bloodshed they just witnessed.
"Completely forgot that saiyans weren't good people," Wendy shuddered.
PUMBUKIN: And then I tell the guy, "Don't be angry, I'm just Saiyan!" (everyone but Bardock started laughing) And then I tore out his throat.
(silence)
"Way to kill the mood fatass," Gajeel insulted.
"The mood wasn't the only thing to be killed," Lily muttered.
TOMA: Hey, Bardock, heard you had another kid. Congrats. Who's the mom?
"I completely forgot that Raditz existed," Gray sweatdropped.
"Don't worry, we all did," Lucy told him.
"But, he did bring up a good question. Who is Goku's mom?" Levy looked ready to find out the news.
PUMBUKIN: I bet it's Selypa. I see the way you two look at each other.
Levy's ears perked up.
BARDOCK: Nah, it'd never work out between us.
Her ears drooped down at the dismissal.
TOMA: Why not?
BARDOCK: Are you kidding? She's a raging dyke.
"I wouldn't use that term to describe people," Erza glared at the saiyan.
SELYPA: I'm right here, you asshole!
BARDOCK: And?
SELYPA: God, this is why I hate men.
"You're on a team full of men. Who's the actual idiot here?" Gajeel deadpanned.
BARDOCK: Point proven.
PUMBUKIN: So, uh, why did we attack this rock in the first place?
"Don't you guys wipe out planets for trade?" Levy asked.
BARDOCK: I dunno. The mission briefing said this planet was full of psychics.
"So, shouldn't they have seen the attack coming?" Lisanna asked.
TOMA: Wait a second. Doesn't that mean they can see the future? Don't you think they should have seen us coming?
BARDOCK: Just because they're psychic doesn't mean they're smart.
"Hindsight is a mysterious thing for most," Levy spoke.
"It does tend to go over people's heads time to time," Lily agreed.
"Isn't that kinda like you Carla?" Wendy asked the white feline.
"I was way more intelligent with it than those people," Carla huffed at the comparison.
TOMA: But, aren't psychics supposed to have unbelievable mental-
(a surviving Kanassan warrior emerges from the rubble)
"At least one lived," Wendy sighed in relief.
KANASSAN: I CAN SEE THE FUTUUUURE!
"Why...does that sound familiar?" Levy asked herself.
"It does feel like we've heard this before," Mira pondered.
PUMBUKIN: Hey, look! One survived.
KANASSAN: Oh no, they can see me! I have to stop you from destroying my race... in the futuuuure!
"They...already did that though," Elfman replied, sadly.
BARDOCK: We already did that.
KANASSAN: (silence) I knew you'd do that! Now I have to kill you!
"I extremely doubt you'll succeed," Gajeel said.
KANASSAN: (rushes at Bardock and hits him in the back of the neck) Now you too can see the futuuuure! (gets blasted by Toma) WAH!
"Can it be explained how he did that?" Lucy asked.
"They did state these people ar-WERE psychic," Levy answered.
(camera pans over the burning Kanassan, moment of silence)
KANASSAN: I'M ON FIIIIIRE! (gets blown up by Bardock) AH!
"I could've eaten that fire," Natsu said as he observed the scene.
TOMA: Well, that was...odd.
PUMBUKIN: Hey, Bardock. What do you think he meant about you seeing the future? Bardock? (Bardock collapses on the ground) Bardock? Bardock?
"Help him!" Lisanna yelled at the screen.
"Do saiyans just not care about their comrades!?" Erza questioned.
"Pretty sure Vegeta has already answered that question," Gray said. The ice mage flinched as Erza glared in his direction.
PUMBUKIN: Say nothing if you want me to eat the remains of that alien. (is heard making munching noises as the screen goes black)
"Fatass didn't even wait for him to answer," Gajeel grunted.
(cut to Freeza)
The mages gagged at the sight of the space emperor.
ZARBON: Lord Freeza, the reports are saying that Kanassa has been seized.
"I did kinda miss Zarbon. Wonder how his girlfriend is doing?" Juvia wondered.
"I still doubt his girlfriend is a she," Gajeel said.
FREEZA: (sounding like an old hag) Thank you, Zarbon.
"Grandma voice Frieza!" Natsu and Happy called out.
FREEZA: That's very good to hea- (starts coughing and then speaks in his normal voice) Ah, sorry about that. I had something in my throat. Continue, Zarbon.
"That's better," Everyone sounded relieved.
ZARBON: The reports say that it was overtaken by a group of low-level Saiyans led by Bardock.
DODORIA: Yeah, that Bardock's a pretty cool guy.
"I could've gone my whole life without ever seeing you again," Gajeel wanted to throw up.
"Dodoria is a poor sight for already sore eyes," Lily shuddered.
ZARBON: He conquers planets and isn't afraid of anything.
FREEZA: Hmm... isn't afraid of anything, indeed…
"He has something evil schemed up," Lisanna scrunched her face in thought.
(cut to Bardock inside a healing tank)
BARDOCK: (thinking) What...? What's going on? (sees Planet Vegeta exploding) Is...that my planet?
"The future visions are turning on now," Carla said as she reminisced.
BARDOCK: (sees his son as an infant and then as a kid) Wait, who is...? Is that my son?
"Do you not know what he looks like?" Erza asked, offended.
"He never felt like the caring parent type," Lucy sweatdropped.
BARDOCK: Where is he? Hold on... Is he befriending that alien race? Oh, I get it. He must be earning their trust before he slaughters them all.
"I would really hope not!" Mira exclaimed.
"Yeah! Goku doesn't have an evil bone in his body!" Happy defended.
"He only has stupid ones like Natsu," Gray insulted. Natsu almost charged if not for Erza's glare in his direction.
BARDOCK: (screen goes black) Wait...now everything's gone dark. Is...is it over? Am I...? (Mr. Popo's face appears on the screen)
A wave of fear passed through the audience.
MR. POPO: Hi.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Everybody screamed.
(Bardock lets out a muffled scream as the water in the healing tank drains down)
SCIENTIST: Bardock, are you all right? Your heart rate skyrocketed.
"He just saw the living incarnation of every death and nightmare," Lucy gasped.
BARDOCK: *gasps* I'm okay! I'm okay. It's just...eyes. Where am I, anyway?
SCIENTIST: Well, you're on Freeza Planet 692.
"Is Frieza just not creative in the slightest?" Levy raised an eyebrow.
BARDOCK: Man, you'd think with all his free time he'd come up with better names for his planets.
"His arrogance takes up the entire universe," Erza hissed.
(cut to Freeza inside his ship)
ZARBON: So Lord Freeza. Now that we have Kanassa under our command, what shall we-
FREEZA: 419!
ZARBON: Right, right…
"Even Zarbon can see the bullshit," Lily sighed.
(cut back to Bardock)
BARDOCK: Anyway, where's my team? Are they already on a new mission?
SCIENTIST: Yes, well, it seems that Freeza passed down a new mission just two hours ago.
"Suspicious," Lisanna whispered.
SCIENTIST: By the way, while you're here, would you like to see your son, Kakarrot?
BARDOCK: Kaka-wha?
Erza shattered a table. The other mages wisely scooted away from the scarlet knight.
BARDOCK: Oh right, his name. Nah. Think I'll pass. Didn't pay attention to Raditz when he was growing up.
"That explains everything," Gajeel's eyes widened at the revelation.
SCIENTIST: Oh, yes, and we both know how he turned out…
"Dead," Lily answered.
(Bardock pauses for a brief moment and then cuts to him standing in front of a nursery with Kakarrot crying inside.)
"Awwww!" The girls cooed at baby Goku.
"He's loud even as a baby," Gajeel grumbled.
"Hmph! I'm louder!" Natsu puffed his chest proudly.
"We know," Lucy answered.
BARDOCK: Hey there, Kakarrot. It's your daddy! (thinking) Let's see what kind of power level we've got here... (scouter starts beeping) All right... Whoa...! 10,000! That's my boy!
"Strong even as a baby!" Erza looked proud.
"That's our Goku!" Natsu pumped his fists.
BARDOCK: (sees name plaque) Wait...Broly?
"Huh?" The two stop their cheering.
"Eh, I'm sure that'll be important later...maybe," Levy said.
BARDOCK: (shifts over to Kakarrot's plaque) Ah, here we go. (scans Kakarrot with his scouter) Kakarro- (starts groaning in dismay) Two?
"Two? Well...he's still a Super Saiyan! So, who's the actual weaking! Huh!?" Erza blushed in embarrassment at being proven wrong.
"Aw, Goku was weak at a baby," Natsu complained.
"Well, the strongest warriors don't exactly start as the strongest," Lucy reassured him.
BARDOCK: Crap! (out loud) There is no possible way this day could get any more disappointing... (runs off)
"Jinx," Levy whispered.
(cut to another planet with Toteppo getting killed)
The guild jumps back in total shock.
TOMA: Bardock's going to be so disappointed.
"I KNEW IT!" Lisanna screamed at the screen.
DODORIA: I think Bardock is the least of your concerns.
TOMA: Why? I don't understand. We've served Freeza loyally. (Dodoria picks him up)
"Doesn't matter how much dirty work you do for a scum bag, they'll always stab you in the back in the end," Gajeel spoke, glaring at the screen.
DODORIA: Seems Freeza wants you dirty Saiyans out of the picture... And I'm just willing enough to oblige him.
TOMA: Don't you get it? Chances are someday he's just going to kill you, too.
"Vegeta beat him to it," Levy thought back to Dodoria's death, before shuddering at the memory.
DODORIA: Yeah, well, see... I'm more of a "in-the-now" kinda guy. Like, what am I gonna eat now? What am I gonna kill now? And in this regard, you're probably gonna be both.
"What is with you aliens and eating dead bodies?" Lucy gagged.
TOMA: You... You won't get away with this.
DODORIA: Oh, yeah? Well tell me something... What looks like crap, feels like crap, and probably ain't gonna wake up in the morning?
"You in like 20 years," Levy answered.
TOMA: Is... Is it me?
DODORIA: And that's the punchline.
"A horrible punchline," Happy's ears dropped.
(Dodoria throws Toma in the air and punches him in the jaw before cutting to Bardock arriving at the planet)
BARDOCK: (sees multiple corpses of the planet's inhabitants) Whoa, looks like I'm late to the party. Where's the gang- (sees the corpses of his crew) Oh... Oh. Oh, God! Guys... Tell me you're just resting in the blood of your enemies! Selypa... Totepo... Pumbukin? Toma?
"He really does care for them," Lisanna smiled.
TOMA: (weakly and coughs a few times) P-present...
BARDOCK: Toma! Oh, thank God Toma, you're okay. I'll be honest, you're the only one I really cared about.
"Nevermind," Lisanna's smile dropped.
BARDOCK: Everyone else was kinda bland. 'Cept for Selypa, she was the only one here with a decent pair of t-
"Of course that's what you care for," Erza rolled her eyes.
TOMA: Bardock...listen. Freeza's...turned on us. He's afraid of the Saiyans. He sent someone to...to take us out.
BARDOCK: (terrified) Oh, God! He sent the Ginyu Force?
"That's a bit overkill," Lucy said.
TOMA: No...
BARDOCK: (less terrified) Zarbon?
"Would've been a cleaner job," Juvia answered.
TOMA: No...
BARDOCK: (disappointed) Dodoria?
"Even I'm disappointed," Gajeel shook his head.
"Seems Bardock held his team in high regards at least," Lily said.
TOMA: Sorry…
"You don't need to apologize," Wendy frowned.
BARDOCK: Listen, it won't end like this! We're not too far from a healing planet. We're gonna get you fixed up. We'll get you better, we'll warn everyone else, and then we'll- (Toma closes his eyes and dies)
Everyone lowered their heads in respect for Toma's passing.
BARDOCK: (thinking) My best friend just died in my arms, didn't he? Yep... Yeeep... (removes Toma's handkerchief and cleans the blood off his fallen comrade's face) All right, Plan B.
"Plan B?" Lucy asked.
"Break everything in your path!" Natsu's face broke into a feral grin.
BARDOCK: Don't worry, my friends. You shall all be avenged! (clutches Toma's handkerchief, which starts turning red with blood)
"Fight for your friend's honor like a real man!" Elfman flexed his muscles.
"For once I agree with ya, big guy. Time to kick some Frieza force ass!" Gajeel laughed menacingly.
BARDOCK: If Freeza's afraid of us, I'm gonna give him something to be afraid of. (starts tying the bloody handkerchief on his forehead) Then I'll know why I'm still alive... And I'm gonna rain hot vengeance down upon every single one of those sons of bi-
(Eachpe fires a bunch of ki blasts at Bardock)
"You can be his first victim in his vengeance," Gajeel laughed.
EACHPE: All right guys, let's hit the show- (scouter beeps as Bardock appears above him) Tell my brother, Appule, I love him! (Bardock hits him hard on the skull) Aaah... (starts falling to the ground)
"Now that Appule thing makes sense," Levy realized, before giving the fight her full attention.
MANGO: Eachpe, no! (he and his comrades fire a ki blast at Bardock, who vanishes before all three blasts connect) Where the hell is he?
LEMI: Keep sharp! These Saiyans can pull off all kinds of tricks! You have to be very careful-
"There's the ape transformation and Super Saiyan. I don't know what else they got," Happy munched on his fish.
MANGO: Got him! (fires a ki blast through the smoke, accidentally shooting down his teammate) Pierre, no! You dirty monkey!
"That was you!" Gray called out.
LEMI: You're the one who killed him, you ass!
MANGO: Oh, gee Lemi, I never thought of it like tha- Shut the f**k up! (both of them start charging at Bardock)
BARDOCK: (thinking) Man, I can't believe they lost to these guys! What a bunch of- (starts having another vision) Oh, sweet crap, not again!
"Poorly timed vision...I hate those," Carla muttered.
KAKARROT (GOKU): (through vision) Kaio-ken!
BARDOCK: Kaio-wha- (gets kneed in the face) Ugh!
"Didn't expect it and I'm happy to see it," Levy clapped.
(Lemi grabs Bardock from behind as Mango proceeds to punch him in the stomach. Bardock starts having another vision.)
BARDOCK: (through vision) For years, you've kept us under your foot...
BARDOCK: (thinking as he's getting pummeled in reality) What? Is that me? That's it!
"What did he figure out?" Wendy asked and nobody answered.
MANGO: NOW, DIE!
(Bardock manages to flip over, causing Lemi to get in the way of the attack)
LEMI: What the f- (gets punched in the back by Mango, coughing up blood) Guah! (Badrock breaks free and fires a ki blast) Goddamn it, Mango, you team-killing f**ktard! (both he and Mango scream as they get disintegrated by the blast)
"He's a really talented fighter," Erza complimented.
"He's Goku's dad of course," Natsu states, proudly.
BARDOCK: (thinking) I understand what I have to do now. I'm going to raise an army. We're going to rebel against Freeza. And nothing is going to stop me.
"Do you have to keep jinxing yourself?" Levy complained.
BARDOCK: (scouter starts beeping) What the-? (turns to see Dodoria charging up a mouth-beam) (out loud) USELESS-ASS PSYCHIC POWERS! (screams as he gets engulfed by the blast)
"Now you know how those psychics felt," Mira giggled.
"Karma really is a bitch," Gajeel sighed.
DODORIA: (singing "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen)
Do-do-do, another one bites the dust
Dodo-do-do-do, another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone (flies off)
Another one bites the dust
Hey, I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust...
"Please shut up," Gajeel face palmed.
BARDOCK: (muffled while under his teammates' bodies) Oh, God! It's true! You really do soil yourself when you die!
"That's...didn't need to know that," Lucy blanched.
BARDOCK: Ah, it's everywhere! It's in my Dodoria wounds! (frees himself from under the pile and starts coughing)
"Ew," Everyone blanched.
BARDOCK: Oh, well, uh, later guys. Off to raise that army. Vengeance... Yada, yada…
"You already did the whole speech, so just leave," Gray sweatdropped.
(cut to Kakarrot inside a space pod)
"When he leaves for earth," Levy said.
"The start of a wonderful adventure," Lisanna smiled.
OPERATOR 1: All right, little guy. Time to send you to planet "Ee-arth."
OPERATOR 2: I think it's pronounced "Earth."
OPERATOR 1: That sounds stupid.
OPERATOR 2: You're stupid!
"You're both stupid," Gajeel insulted.
(cut to Freeza's ship)
FREEZA: So... how did the mission go?
DODORIA: Complete Annihilation.
"Nope!" Lisanna grinned.
ZARBON: Where are your men?
DODORIA: Complete Annihilation.
"That part is true," Juvia said.
FREEZA: So, you're absolutely sure you killed every single living thing on that planet?
DODORIA: Complete...Annihilation.
(Bardock's space pod is seen flying by Freeza's ship)
"Complete annihilation, huh?" Lucy raised an eyebrow.
ZARBON: So, "Complete Annihilation," huh?
DODORIA: (stammers a few times before speaking) I'm sorry, Lord Freeza. I'll go take care of it right away.
FREEZA: Oh, forget about it. He's already on a direct course for Planet S.O.L.
ZARBON: Planet what?
"He forgot to number it," Levy explained.
FREEZA: (groans) Planet...
(cut to Bardock)
BARDOCK: (thinking) Vegeta! I've gotta warn King Vegeta.
"If he's named Vegeta, then he won't listen," Gajeel said.
(cut to a bar with many Saiyans socializing as George Thorgood's "Bad to the Bone" plays in a radio)
BARDOCK: (enters inside from a door) You guys! Freeza's going to... (hit a table) Augh! (falls to the ground) Who put that table there?
"You need medical attention," Mira's voice showed concern.
"And you'll get a free power boost," Levy winked.
SAIYAN 1: Dude, Bardock, are you wasted?
BARDOCK: Nooo. But my crew is...
SAIYAN 2: You smell like poo!
"He crapped himself," Gajeel answered.
BARDOCK: Listen to me! We don't have much time. Freeza's on his way here and he plans to kill us all! We have to raise an army and-
SAIYAN 3: You're mom's an army! (Saiyan crowd starts laughing)
"W-what? How does that even make sense?" Carla asked, flabbergasted.
BARDOCK: What are you, stupid?! Do you-
SAIYAN 4: You face is stupid! (Saiyan crowd starts laughing again)
"Do they not want to live!?" Gray asked, shocked.
"Maybe it was too hopeful to think they'd believe him," Mira sighed.
BARDOCK: Augh! Do you idiots even get it? Freeza's about to commit genocide on our entire race!
(short pause)
SAIYAN 5: Cool story, bro! (Saiyan crowd starts laughing once more)
"I really can't blame Frieza for killing them," Gajeel said. Everyone couldn't believe how stupid the saiyans were.
BARDOCK: You know what? F**k it! I'm done! I hope you all die and go to hell! (runs off)
SAIYAN 6: Wow, that guy's a douche.
"He isn't, you guys are," Gray shook his head.
BARDOCK: (thinking) Screw them! I don't need an army. I took on those elites, I can take on this tyrant! Freeza must be stopped...no matter the cost!
"You couldn't even beat Dodoria. Frieza is way out of your league," Lucy made an x with her arms.
("You Got The Touch" by Stan Bush starts playing as Bardock flies off towards Freeza's ship)
"This will not end well," Erza frowned.
ZARBON: Lord Freeza, Bardock is approaching from the planet-
FREEZA: Waves of Freeza-soldiers…
"He's a man on a mission. Those soldiers don't stand a chance!" Elfman proclaimed.
(multiple Freeza soldiers start flying down from the ship)
DODORIA: It's raining men!
ZARBON: Hallelujah!
"Love that song," Mira swayed as she hummed the melody.
BARDOCK: FREEZA!
(soldiers simultaneously fire a ki blast at Bardock)
SOLDIER 1: Yeah, take that- (Bardock rushes forward and elbows him in the face)
"OOF!"
BARDOCK: FREEZA!
(Bardock flies through the multiple soldiers, killing a few of them in the process)
BARDOCK: FREEZA! (gets dogpiled by multiple soldiers) FREEZA!
SOLDIER 2: Ah, yo, Bardock, I'm really happy for you and I'ma let you finish, but-
(Bardock launches a blast to free himself and continues flying forward, ramming through multiple soldiers. It then shows the onslaught through a monitor at Freeza's ship.)
"BARDOCK IS SO FREAKING COOL!" Natsu's and Elfman's eyes shift into stars.
"A little too brutal for my tastes," Lucy chuckled, nervously.
"The right amount of brutal for my tastes," Gajeel smirked.
ZARBON: Sir, I think he wishes to have words.
FREEZA: Oh, whatever gave you that impression?
"Don't be a smartass," Gray groaned.
ZARBON: Well, he does keep on shouting your name.
BARDOCK: (over the speaker) FREEZA!
"You remind you of anything, shorty?" Gajeel nudged her. Levy smacked his arm hard, sputtering with a red face.
FREEZA: Just get my freaking bubble car.
ZARBON: Too bad. That Bardock was such a dashing rogue...
DODORIA: What?
"He's gay, let's move on," Carla rolled her eyes.
(Freeza emerges from inside his ship on his bubble car, which makes a Jetsons mobile sound effect)
BARDOCK: There you are, Freeza! I've been looking for you.
FREEZA: Well, I'm not exactly hard to find!
"He's not wrong," Lisanna agrees.
BARDOCK: We've had enough of this! We're done working for you, Freeza!
SOLDIER 3: (off-screen) Uh, just so you know, that man does not speak for us!
"You can't exactly blame them. I'd be freaking out too if some random guy was about to get me killed," Levy pitied.
BARDOCK: We're here to kill you, and take our planet for our own!
SOLDIER 3: (off-screen) Seriously, we're not with him!
"Then just move away from him," Lily advises.
BARDOCK: For years, you've kept us under your foot... (continues speaking inaudibly under Freeza's thoughts)
FREEZA: (thinking) Oh, lord, these heroic types with their speeches. "Blah, blah, blah, injustices. Blah, blah, blah, tyranny. Blah, blah, blah, Freeza, stop killing me!"
"Gotta remember this is still before he met Goku," Erza smirked.
FREEZA: God, does he have any idea how hard it is to run an empire? I've got other things to do today, you know... Like deciding what wine I will have for dinner tonight. White wine, red wine, or dare I say...rosé?
"Someone's a bit classy," Lisanna giggled a bit.
FREEZA: Oh, perhaps I should give Cooler a call; his birthday's coming up. Nah, he's a prick.
"Brothers, the age old rivalry," Gray sighed.
FREEZA: Wait a second, where was I? Oh right, mass genocide. (starts charging a Supernova)
The guild braces themselves for the incoming death.
BARDOCK: ...end your miserable life, once and for all! (starts charging up a ki blast) Now... Take this, Freeza! The power of the Saiyan race! (hurls his blast at Freeza) Hyah!
(Bardock's blast is seen flying towards Freeza and his growing Supernova and gets swallowed by the tyrant's blast. Freeza starts laughing madly and fires his now massive Supernova directly at Planet Vegeta.)
"The saiyan race doesn't mean shit does it?" Gajeel clapped his hands.
BARDOCK: (thinking) Well, I'd say I should have seen this coming, but that would be ironic…
"Then it's a good thing that you thought it and didn't say it out loud," Gray chuckled a bit.
(Bardock gets engulfed by Freeza's Supernova, with many pieces of his armor falling off)
"We all saw coming, doesn't make it any better," Lily shook his head. The mages looked downcast as Bardock died.
BARDOCK: (thinking) I see it... My son. He... He's facing Freeza! He's gonna do it! He's going to avenge our people!
"He does...kinda," Erza sweatdropped.
BARDOCK: But, wait... Wait, there's more... He fights...a giant green bug...man. And then a...giant...pink...man-child.
"W-what kind of future is he looking at?" Carla questioned.
BARDOCK: Oh, no. It's dark again! Where...? What is...?
"Please don't let it be Popo," Wendy prayed.
PARAPARA BROTHER 1: Bonparapara...
PARAPARA BROS.: Bonpappa!
PARAPARA BROTHER 1: Bonparapara, bonparapara, bonparapara, bonparapara!
PARAPARA BROTHER 2: I'm gonna lay this one down thick like whole milk!
PARAPARA BROTHER 3: Raise the cane, ra-ra, ra-ra-raise!
Not a single word was spoken as the scene played. Only the sound of Erza banging her head on a table resonated through the guild.
BARDOCK: (thinking) And I now welcome the sweet embrace of death... (Supernova falls and collides with Planet Vegeta)
"I will never blame him," Gajeel closed his eyes.
(cut to Cooler in his spaceship)
SAUZA: Monsieur Cooler! It seems that your brother is destroying ze Planet Vegeta!
"Jeice?" Juvia questioned.
"Nah, too different," Levy dismissed.
COOLER: Very impressive, killing off a bunch of monkeys. Any liquored-up hillbilly with a shotgun could have done that at the zoo…
"I'll admit that's a good line," Gray complimented.
SAUZA: Wait, sir! It seems he has missed one ship. We are within range to intercept-
COOLER: No, let it go.
SAUZA: But, why?
COOLER: Because, I'm a prick.
"Wow, if he wasn't a prick, then Goku would be dead," Lucy gulped.
(cut to Planet Vegeta getting destroyed)
NARRATOR: And so, Planet Vegeta was destroyed, along with all its inhabitants. Save a lone Saiyan child...and his brother...and a space pirate...and a renegade monster and his father...and, of course, Prince…
"I'm sorry who were those last two?" Levy asked.
(cut to kid Vegeta and Nappa)
"Kid Vegeta is kinda cute," Mira mentions.
NAPPA: Vegeta!
VEGETA: What is it, Nappa?
NAPPA: Well, I've got good news...and bad news. The bad news is...reports say our entire planet has been destroyed by a gigantic meteorite along with all its inhabitants.
"After all we've seen that lie honestly seems unbelievable," Carla said.
VEGETA: Aah... But, what about-
NAPPA: Aaand your father.
VEGETA: My whole family...! My race!
"Didn't think you cared," Gajeel looked surprised.
NAPPA: But the good news is, we're going to Dairy Queen!
"How is that good news?" Lucy asked.
"Because it is," Happy answered. The blonde gave him an unimpressed stare.
VEGETA: My entire race is go-
NAPPA: DAIRY QUEEN!
VEGETA: Just take me to the damn queen, Nappa.
NAPPA: Yaaaay! This seems the beginning of a beauuuutiful friendship…
"Yeah, we can go with that," Gajeel snickers.
(cut to planet Earth with Kakarrot being heard crying...again)
GRANDPA GOHAN: Oh look, someone threw out a perfectly good baby. Aren't you just adorable? I think I'm gonna call you...Clark. Heeeey, Claaarrrk. (thinking) Nah, that sounds stupid.
"Aw, Goku meeting his grandpa!" Lisanna gushed.
"I agree that Clark is a stupid name," Gajeel grunts.
GRANDPA GOHAN: (speaking again) Oh! How about...Goku? (Goku starts laughing) Yes, Goku! You like that, huh? Yes, you do! Whee! Wheee! Wheeeee! Whoops! (Goku is seen landing hard on his head) Uh, oh.
"THAT'S HOW HE FELL!"
"YOU'RE THE REASON HE'S SO STUPID!"
(credits roll)