Trigger Warnings: Mental and Emotional distress, Bad coping habit, Panic attack and minor action/hint of self-injury (feather plucking).

XX-XX-XX

Tommy, was furious.

He was furious and annoyed and confused and he ached all over. His head was swimming with fog and a pounding at the back of his skull. It was better than it had been in a few days, sure, but he still felt like trash.

It wasn't even from the damn cold right now either.

Yes, he still was stuffy and sniffly and had a bit of a cough, but those always tended to linger with him. No, his aches and discomfort came from something entirely different. He could feel it in every trembling muscle and shuddering down his spine, it felt etched into his bones like a curse.

Fucking, Avian instincts.

His body gave a short spasm as a fresh wave of dulling, pining pain rippled through him. His hands, his feet, his legs, the sides of his face, everything burned for a few moments and he held his breath until it passed. He kept his throat as tight as he could without coughing, keeping any sort of chirp or trill or Gods awful noise from peeping out of him.

It was always so much harder to control this feeling when he was home. Even more so when he was in Wilbur's room, his brother always softening him up enough that his features would slip out. He'd relax and shift into Avian form, chirps drifting out of him as his hair was played with and a hummed tune drifted in the air.

It was worse with their father. Any sort of noise his father made Tommy's stupid hindbrain would blurt out a reply or try to copy it. It would have him pressing against his fathers side like a, like a nestling.

A chick.

A baby bird.

He'd openly present his wings for preening at the smallest ask regardless of how tightly he had them folded prior. He'd end up falling asleep most of the time, waking up in their father's nest with the man either with him or nearby. Or sometimes Wilbur would be there, their father light proofing the room just for them.

It had been a while…

Tommy's chest throbbed with longing at the thought and it took all his efforts to swallow the chirping that had quickly been rising in his throat. Technoblade and Wil were both down here with him. He didn't want to bring any attention to himself if he could help it. Certainly not when he'd just managed to get the man to actually leave him alone.

He hated that most of all.

Technoblade, here and home and constantly nearby.

Even without his hybrid senses or the damned imprinted bond Tommy could tell when the other was close. The sound of Technoblade's hooved feet on the wooden floors was like thunder warning of the coming and going of a storm.

It didn't help that the man was being so, so…familiar. The man spoke almost gently, carefully, always bringing something or asking Tommy about what he might need. As if Tommy wouldn't be able to get it himself. As if he needed to be cared for. As if he wasn't a perfectly capable thirteen year old boy who could, and has, looked after himself for some time.

Not that Phil and Wilbur didn't still try to coddle him at times, but with Technoblade it was a bit ridiculous.

It…

It made his instincts harder to ignore right now.

With his father and Wilbur Tommy had at least carved out a certain boundary to keep them back. Sticking to his room, limiting social time and doing his own preening when they weren't around. It was hard, but it was working.

But now Technoblade was here and he was messing it all up.

Technoblade was here and his chest was practically on fire with the urge to shift, to make those fucking horrible bird noises, to press himself against the mans side and curl into his arms as he purred out in that rumbling noise that reminded Tommy of safety and home.

Tommy's stomach twisted sharply with a mix of painful want and a nausea that rose with each thought or desire to indulge.

When Technoblade had rescued him Tommy had been weak. At his weakest, in fact. He'd been too warm, he'd been dehydrated and in pain and, and…scared. He'd been so fucking scared. He hadn't been paying enough mind to himself. He'd slipped up and the hindbrain had taken over, spilling out noises seeking that familiar contact that had been missing from his life of so many years.

Tommy had been weak and his instincts had run stronger than his will. It had called out for comfort and family and flock and Techno had been- Technoblade had been right there. He had been there and allowed Tommy to dump all of the noises and selfish, disgusting, animal like urges for closeness and contact and comfort all over him.

Technoblade was a Piglin and their own instincts ran strong. Tommy knew that, he'd grown up knowing that. He knew that Technoblade also had what was called a 'Chattering', some…some special sort of…of thing that apparently Piglins had that could cause their instincts to flare up and take control. It apparently made their instincts harder to ignore which is why most people assumed them to be inherently either dumb or dangerous. Technoblade wasn't dumb, but Tommy had seen him go into a blind sort of haze when his instincts flared outside of his control.

Tommy drew in a deep breath, leaning back against the bedpost as he ran a hand over his face, itching at the sides where his ear tufts were hidden. He frowned when he pulled a feather loose and with a huff he tossed it into the nearby bin.

He glared towards the door and tried to strangle down the urge to rush over, undo the lock and fling himself into the nearest set of arms. A particular set of arms.

He could hear the clipped steps of those hooved feet just down hall.

Tommy's weakness that day he was rescued, his noises…he had latched onto Technoblade, and because of some unfair instinct bullshit the man had latched back.

It had been an accident.

Tensions were high and things had happened so fast. The man was skilled and strong and obviously had the situation under control. Despite Tommy being in the way.

But that didn't mean he could withstand the selfish and horrid flood of fucking baby chirps Tommy had let out. Like a hook that had been cast out and snagged the other, triggering a protective reflex and now the man was stuck looking after Tommy until it faded out again.

It would fade out again.

It wasn't a question of 'if' it would, of course not. Tommy had lived with Techno- with Technoblade, for five or so years after it faded out the first time. The man, teenager at the time, had been little more than a roommate at best before finally deciding to leave their father's nest. Technoblade had packed his things and been gone within a week.

For the next four years Tommy watched as his father and brother reached out to the other. They messaged and visited the arena when they knew there was a fight on, Tommy tagged along mostly due to not being 'old enough' to stay home alone.

Tommy watched along with his flock as Technoblade grew in skill and fame. Watched as he continued to grow and conquer and never look back.

Tommy admired the dedication, he did. He admired the talent, but only at a distance. Only at arms length. The man's prowess was undeniable and the discipline Technoblade showed was something to look up to. As an idol.

Having the man in his home right now though, bound to him in a haze of instincts that neither one of them wanted nor cared for. It sat in Tommy's stomach like a rotting bile.

What was worse was that Technoblade hadn't even told him off for it. He hadn't raised his voice or snapped or scolded, he hadn't insulted Tommy for trapping them both in this back and forth. Perhaps it was because Tommy was managing to keep anything else from slipping out.

If so then he would put everything he had in keeping that part locked up. Suffocate the bonded imprint until the other was free to go.

He was sure Technoblade's end would be broken first. The man had more discipline than Tommy and Piglin's weren't known to reclaim those that fell out of their perceived sounder. If it hadn't been for the baby chirps Tommy was sure they wouldn't have imprinted in the first place. Once Technoblade left again he…he could wait out his own withering of the bond safely in his room.

Tommy just…needed to wait it out.

If only Technoblade would keep his damn distance.

Tommy allowed his shoulders to slump now, the silence outside the door having stretched on long enough that the needling urge from earlier had died down some. He didn't want to unlock the door just yet, obviously, but…if he was forced to, or if Wil phased in, he'd be able to control himself at least. He would be able to sit without a peep and without diving close for bodily warmth and affection.

At least if it were Wilbur it would be forgivable. He and Wil had panic bonded a few times back and forth so it wouldn't exactly be a surprise if it happened again. At least when the clinginess wore down with them they would still remain part of the same flock, the same haunting. When it ended Wilbur would still look at him with soft eyes, a warm smile and call him 'Toms'.

It would be so much easier if he had just imprinted on Wilbur again, or their father. Tommy brought his arms up to hug himself as a fresh ache rose in his chest. His throat tensed with the urge to call out, the stupid bird part of his brain craving attention and comfort.

He was fine alone. Tommy was perfectly capable of being alone. He was a hybrid, sure, but he wasn't an animal. He was a person. A real person and these damned fucking 'instincts' were going to learn who was boss here.

With a shiver Tommy swallowed hard and let out a slow breath. A weak desperate chirp croaked out but he at least managed to stop the rest of it.

A second later and Tommy was jumping almost out of his skin at the sound of a sharp snapping at the door. It was pushing in without so much as a second warning and there, standing in the hall with a slight frown on his face and brow furrowed, was Technoblade himself.

Tommy couldn't help but stare for a moment in shock, mouth partially open and eyes wide. It was the stabbing in his chest that had him clamping his mouth shut just before any unwanted noises slipped out. Though, that also meant he couldn't verbally scold Techno for- Technoblade for quite literally breaking in.

Tommy had been sure to snag the hidden key earlier when he'd first locked the door so he knew that it was the only way in unless he'd sent Wilbur. It would have been preferable so of course that wasn't the option the man had gone with.

"Did you really just break my fucking door!?" Wilbur's voice shouted from down the hall.

Technoblade sighed and partially turned his head to answer Wil, but his eyes stayed locked on Tommy.

"I just popped the handle. I can fix it later." The man assured as he continued to stare.

Wilbur was muttering something along the lines of 'I can't believe you' but Tommy wasn't listening fully. He had gotten locked into eye contact with the Piglin and now was trying not to obviously shiver under the gaze.

Tommy struggled against the returned urge to call and reach out, almost doing so when the man had taken a step back from the door. Technoblade had only leaned over to pick up the food tray he'd clearly been talking about earlier, but even that momentary distance had caused Tommy's hindbrain to panic.

It was so much stronger than he'd ever had to fight against before and he really wasn't sure how long he'd be able to keep this up. His throat ached so badly from having to keep it tense against his chirping and the burning that passed over his body from withholding his other features…it hurt.

He could manage it though. Of course he could. He was strong and perfectly capable but…that didn't make it hurt any less.

Technoblade entered the room with heavy steps, but they were paced. Careful. The last time he'd come into the room Tommy hadn't been ready. A warble had been pressing at his lips at the second the pink hair had come into view and Tommy had panicked. He'd shrieked out a few choice insults before hurling a mug at the other, forcing him to dodge back out into the hallway.

He'd been scolded by their father about the 'overreaction', but all Tommy had had to say was it reminded him of the basement. That basement. It was the only thing he could think to pin it on and honestly, not a single one of them had brought it up since.

Another result was that Techno now walked- Technoblade now walked slower, if not softer, whenever he came in. Though, this time his steps were firm and that made Tommy nervous.

Had the locking of the door been too much? Was Technoblade finally coming out of his haze enough to react to his annoyances with Tommy? He…was still bringing food, but that was hardly a tell. The man wasn't cruel enough to deny him fundamental needs after all.

"Do you need more water?" Technoblade asked, his eyes already looking over the cup and pitcher on the nightstand, making a judgement call no matter what Tommy said.

Not trusting his vocals just yet Tommy slowly nodded.

If it would get the other out of the room sooner, even only for a minute.

"I'll refill it in a minute then. At least you didn't run out." The man was saying with…actual relief.

Tommy frowned and tried to glare, but it was weak. He had to bite his cheek to keep his lower lip from trembling from his efforts to be silent.

Technoblade balanced the tray on one of his hands as he reached out for the lap table that was currently resting against the wall. He didn't say anything now as he swiftly placed the object over Tommy's lap, careful of their distance.

It was when he placed the tray down on the table that he looked at Tommy with an exasperated- no…a…a tired sigh. He…sounded tired.

Perhaps keeping up with the bond was wearing him down, though it never seemed to with Wilbur. Maybe Techno was fighting the worst of it too and it was taking it toll now.

"This going to be the silent treatment or what?" Technoblade asked as he carefully took a seat on the nearby chair, "I'd have thought you'd be trying to kick me out by now."

Tommy's eyes re-narrowed at the other. How could he get his voice to sound so even, so…normal when Tommy could barely keep his from shaking unless he was shouting?

"Fuck off." He snapped in response.

It was small and sounded about as spicy as an ice cube.

He didn't dare to look up at Technoblade from where he sat, but he could feel the eyes on him none the less. They remained silent a bit longer and Tommy decided to at least see what he was being fed today-

Oh.

This was-

"Its been a while so I'm not sure if it's the same as it used to be. Figured, you might want something hardier than another brothy soup like Phil makes." Techno was saying, but Tommy didn't even glance up at him.

The thick looking creamy soup sat staring back at him instead, pale and flecked with spud skins and mounds of other vegetables cooked in. Tommy could see the scattering of golden corn in it, more than was needed. Tommy had always loved when there was extra corn in it.

The smell tightened a knot in his chest as it made his mouth water. It was one of the first things Techno had learned to cook and he had loved to make if for the family, but he also made them earn it from time to time. Keeping it a treat or something like that.

He had always made it for Tommy when he asked for it though.

"th-thanks." Tommy muttered just under his breath.

"Of course." Techno answered, his voice just as soft.

The two remain almost perfectly still as Tommy stared at the soup and Technoblade at Tommy. It…isn't tense though, just…oddly quiet. Its almost a whole three minutes before Tommy slowly lifts a hand to his spoon.

He doesn't know what he wants right now. The soup smells so good and he's hungry and it feels like a memory he's been to far long removed from. At the same time he's afraid. He doesn't want to remember anything, not when he'd managed to lock it all away for so long. Though, he's not sure what would happen if he refused to eat without a better reason.

As patient as the other seemed to be right now he didn't know when he'd reach the end of Techno's leniency- no. Technoblade, not 'Techno'.

'Techno' was someone younger, someone further away and out of reach. 'Techno' was a brother, was flock, was family. 'Techno' was a memory of warm hugs on cold nights when illness wracked his body with shivers. 'Techno' was a soothing voice that told stories late in the night that lulled him back to sleep and better dreams after a nightmare. 'Techno'…

'Techno' was a name left unspoken for years and all but forgotten between siblings far before Tommy was ready for it to be buried.

But Tommy was Tommy and Technoblade was Technoblade.

And a bowl of potato soup was nothing more than mushy spuds with milk.

Tommy brought the filled spoon to his lips and prepared to taste something musty and spoiled, an after hint of burlap.

…

…

It was warmth and comfort and a kiss on his forehead as they snuggled close for a nap. A whispered assurance over the rumbled purr of his protector.

A heartbroken chirp bubbled out of Tommy's mouth as he swallowed, his hand coming up to stop the second one that tried to follow it as he hiccupped painfully. He could feel the sting of tears in his eyes, already running hot tracks down his cheeks.

A concerned chuffle met Tommy's ears even as they rung and it made his head fuzzy and frantic. He didn't dare breath in deeply because he could feel the distressed trilling that was trying to escape him, but the lack of air was only making him panic more. He still managed a sob somehow and the choking noise of it only brought about a second far more worried whine that was followed by three rapid chuffs of alarm.

At the feel of a hand on his shoulder Tommy snapped entirely.

Xx-xox-xX

If someone had asked Techno how he thought his day was going to go with looking after his siblings he probably would have answered with a shrug and mentioned something about sass and banter or teasing. Probably several levels of bullying.

The usual.

What he wouldn't have answered, ever, even in sarcasm, would have been watching his baby brother have an absolute meltdown before completely lambasting him within an inch of his life.

Techno, as an accomplished warrior, wasn't unfamiliar with high stress or fast paced situations in which he needed to act both rationally and effectively. So, to say it had all 'happened so fast' wasn't just a colorful phrase in his explanation.

It was honestly the most effective and terrifying blindside of his life.

He'd at first been stunned at the sight of Tommy's tears, at the sound of the broken chirp that accompanied them. Techno didn't think he'd ever heard such a small and painful noise come from his brother before. That included the time Tommy had opened a gash on his arm when he was six and trying to use one of Techno's swords to practice with when no one was looking.

It was an instant stab at his heart and even his Chattering had gone quiet for a second before pleas and demands to hug and hold and help his baby brother swarmed his senses. As if it wasn't his own thought before theirs.

He'd softly called Tommy's name, but the boy hadn't moved an inch aside from the shuddering from his sobs. At least his ear tufts had twitched at the sound of his chuffing. He had inched closer to Tommy, carefully, as he watched the blond starting to fully hyperventilate. He'd tried chuffing again, but this one was less assured than his last.

Techno tried to say his name again, but once more it wasn't responded to.

Delicately, with the softest touch he could manage, Techno had placed a hand on Tommy's shoulder, preparing to try to talk him through his breathing.

The effect had been instant.

Tommy's whole body flinched violently and a flood of short frightened trills escaped him. Tommy's hand came up and flipped the food tray, the bowl of soup going flying as Techno backed up a step on instinct.

Techno had only blinked in following the flying tray before snapping back to Tommy. Tommy, who was practically standing, on Wilbur's bed, wings mantled and glaring furiously at Techno with eyes like a chilling soul fire.

The frightened trills were now replaced with a snarl as Tommy started screaming.

It wasn't the usual insults or demands to be left alone. They were stabbing remarks filled with so much venom that it had left Techno stunned in place and staring. His ears rang and not even his Chat could be heard over it.

"-Stop Trying To Play 'Nursemaid' Already And Fucking Leave! You're Not A Fucking 'Carer' Technoblade So Just, Stop Bullshitting Already! I'm Not Going To Fall For It Again! I Fucking Won't You Gods Damn Selfish Lying Mob-Spawned Prick!"

The words had stung like a lashing, pulling skin and muscle away to reveal tender bone that ached at the strike. Techno had heard worse. He'd heard so much worse and so much more, but nothing, none of those words any of those times, hurt even the slightest amount compared this.

The savage tone and the raging rattling of feathers on wings raised in threat, the twisted look of bitter anger on his brothers face as tears stilled poured from his eyes...

A stab to the heart would have been less painful.

"No One Asked You To Be Here You Pig Faced Fucking Bastard! Its Not Exactly Hard For You To Keep Away So Fucking Do It! Leave! Fuck Out Of Here And Just Fucking Forget Us Again! No One Is Stopping You So Fucking Do It! Just Fucking Forget And Leave Us Alone!"

Techno doesn't recall if he reached out to Tommy, or maybe tried to speak. All he knows is that one second Tommy was laying into him, more slurs and insults, more demands for him to leave and then…and then Techno was on the ground.

He was on the ground and Tommy was snarling a wordless fury into his face.

It lasted only the barest of seconds, but the look etched into Techno's mind. He remained on his back, staring at the ceiling as the past…however many minutes, seconds? However long the episode had gone on for, drifted through his head. His mind trying to catch up and register anything solid.

None of it felt like it could be real, but it hurt. It hurt so fucking much.

It didn't help that his Chat was a fog in his mind. They were clamoring over one other, shrieking out and sobbing in various states of distress and despair. Devastated howls of Tommy hating them, of Tommy hurting, of Tommy, Tommy, Tommy-

Something was wrong with Tommy. Techno needed to fix it. Techno couldn't fix it. Tommy hated him. Hated him. Tommy attacked him. Tommy was scared. He was shaking. He was raging and bitter and hurting and Techno needed to Fix. It.

Techno was broken out of his stun and Chat induced spiral by Wilbur's voice. By instinct more than actually hearing him Techno looked towards the door, needing to twist a bit from where he'd landed.

Wilbur was at the door, he was on the floor and having clearly fallen. He looked panicked and it took another second for Techno to actually pick out the distressed chitters in the air.

Techno pushed himself into a sitting position and even before he was fully up Wilbur was speaking. Trusting, apparently, that Techno was back around enough to hear and understand his words.

"I-I couldn't catch him. He ran up the stairs and I-I think I heard the door but dad isn't home-" Wilbur was rambling out as he tried to right his own self.

Techno noted enough that Wilbur was trying to look him over as well, but it wasn't a concern. He had been knocked down, but he wasn't injured.

It wasn't an attack.

Tommy knew how to attack.

Techno had just been in the way of the door.

"I'll get him." Techno muttered, voice low but it was still enough to cut off whatever else was falling from Wilbur's mouth.

"...Techno?" Wilbur's voice shook with worry and concern.

Techno looked at his brother, meeting his earth toned eyes with a hint of hazy distressed blue at their edges and seeing the seeding understanding that something was wrong.