Chapter 116

The following morning Beckett was sluggish and most reluctant to get going. There was a hunger for one of the creamy, frothy coffees Castle provided most days. This morning she longed to have it in bed, leaning into a bunch of pillows and perhaps reading a book.

However, on the complete flipside, Castle was in high spirits and had been from the second he woke around 5.00 excited and as giddy as a teenage boy. He made love to her possibly the most passionately she had ever experienced with him. Satiated, he had fallen back to sleep. Shortly after 8.00 he bounced out of bed and was straight in for a shower. His singing in the shower is what she had listened to as she had napped, satiated and still very sleepy. She was dozing off when the Police phone chirped from the nightstand startling her. Montgomery called and requested they attend the Precinct to go over a couple of matters. Half conscious, she almost forgot no one knew Castle stayed over and nearly called out for the writer while on the phone to the Captain. After she hung up the call she got out of bed and followed Rick to the bathroom.

"We have to drop by the Precinct," she said as she stepped into the shower placing her hands to Castle's ribs. He instantly jumped and moved away with a squawk.
"Cold hands," he spluttered out.

"Baby," She laughed. "Seriously, let me in." She shouldered herself in until she was under the shower of steamy hot water. A squeal escaped her when Castle suddenly wrapped his arms about her and drew her to him.

"You are so cold. Get under the damn water."

*. *. *

A couple of hours later Kate placed a sheet of paper to an open file on her desk, bit her bottom lip in thought then looked at Castle who impatiently waited on his chair for her to say something.

"Well?" He tapped his fingertips on the desk.

"In Montgomery's post-incident evaluation, you come off like Steven Segal," she said.

Castle scanned her face, "Should I be flattered or insulted?"

"Both, but this one is more important for you to sign." She slid a few stapled sheets of paper over the desk and held out her desk pen for him to use. Castle politely declined it with a flick of his wrist and produced one from his jacket pocket. It was the vintage Montblanc she had given him.

"My favourite pen."

"Are you happy to sign it without having a lawyer look at it first?"

"Oh, we all know what a lawyer would cost me," he grumbled. "I could buy you something nice with the money. Like that purse you had your eye on the other day."

"You noticed?" She smiled reflecting on the red leather clutch bag she had seen. It would go with a favourite pair of heels if she wore a black dress.

"Yes, and I also noticed a dress I would like to see you in and there's always lingerie. You would look gorgeous in emerald green lace."

"Castle," she hissed, "Isn't it a little odd that you like to buy me clothes?"

He shrugged. "Some men are really good at dressing women. I guess I'm one of them," he smugly replied, "And I don't go for slutty unless it's a little something for the boudoir." He smiled devilishly. He turned his attention to the paper, "Montgomery talked me through this earlier. Where do I sign?"

"Last page. Date as well."

He did so then slipped the pen away in his shirt pocket. He returned the statement to her. "Look, I'm gonna go home, see my family, do some washing, maybe some writing."

Beckett was a little surprised by his decision, but she let it go. They had made plans for the day, not set in concrete, to spend some time together away from the job.

"Okay." She watched as he flustered about, suddenly wondering whether he was not being truthful. "Will you call me later?"

"Yes. I promise. I will wash the clothes you have at my place," he said quietly so no one else would overhear him, then stood from the chair.

"Thank you."

He leaned on the desk closer to her, "I would love to kiss you goodbye-" he said as he looked about them to ascertain who was watching. "But I can't."

"I know. I'll see you later then," she said and watched him leave. There were a few remaining documents for her to sign and return to the Captain and then she would be able to go home.

She knocked on Montgomery's door a few minutes later with the file in her hand. He looked up and waved her in, "Sir. The paperwork is signed."

"Thank you, Beckett. Take a seat for a minute."

Beckett glanced between her desk and the door, then pushed the door closed. She sat in the first chair available and leaned an elbow to her thigh.

"The firearm squad have sent me your results and their preliminary report. We know your breath test was zero reading of alcohol and you passed drugs test."

"I was confident that would be so," she humbly replied.

"Same. There are certain characteristics, Kate, that predispose us to whether we will discharge a firearm. You utilised your training, remained calm and focussed and you gave Coonan every chance to lower his weapon and release Castle. This will go to an inquiry and a formal report will be released within 90 days but from your point of view you don't need to be worried."

Kate inhaled slightly deeper, a little relieved the squad was favourable to her actions that resulted in her discharging a fatal shot. "Thank you, Captain."

"How are you holding up?"

She shrugged, thought a moment. "I'm um… processing it, what detriment it might have on my future career. I maybe did some dumb actions after I discharged but I don't remember much until after the Paramedics checked me."

"Esposito took care of you, and Castle. How's he doing?"

"I'm quite concerned about Rick. He's…" she trailed off unable to put words into his actions that morning and she couldn't share what she had witnessed at home.

"Running on high octane fumes?" The Captain asked as he opened the file she'd given him.

"Yes, was rather exuberant and dapper earlier." She raised her eyebrows, thinking about their sex that morning then pressed her lips, closed her knees.

"Keep an eye on him. He might go off the rails. Call me if you need someone to bring him down."

"You noticed the exuberance?"

"I did. You on the other hand, you're quiet." The Captain looked at her. "You're dull."

"Mm. I'm worn out and processing how to live with it," she calmly and slowly replied.

"I heard him say he murdered your mother," Montgomery quietly said. "It will take time for you to process both outcomes."

"Do the squad know that?"

"I don't recall telling them. Did you or Castle?"

"No, Sir."

"Then no."

"It's hard, Kate, and you know I've been where you are, but you made the right choices with what you had available to you at the time, and above all, you protected a civilian. The firearms squad have cleared you to return to duty, but they want you, and Castle, to attend a few sessions with the psych team. You will be taking the rest of the week. No arguments."

"Yes, Sir. I think it will be a good idea, though I don't think Castle will go."

"Where has Castle gone?"

"He went. Said he had some stuff to do."

"Oh. You keep an eye on him, Kate."

"I will," she replied as she stood to leave, "But I won't be seeing him. He will probably be with his daughter when she comes home from school."

"He'll be alright. Just check in on him."

"Sir."

"Kate?"

"Roy?"

"This event will nominate you for a medal of honour. Exceptional work. Be proud of yourself."

"Yes, Sir. Thank you."

A swarm of journalists confronted Beckett when she stepped out of the entrance of the 12th Precinct. She had forgotten about the intense media interest the shooting had attracted. The journalists shouted over each other for her attention, called her by name, cameras were thrown in her face and she was blinded by flashing lights. Composure remained stable but there was severe doubt she was going to get out of this until a large hand landed on her right upper arm. It caused her to spin about. Esposito had followed her outside. He drew her to him, secured and shielded her within his surrounded arms as they immediately retreated inside the foyer. A uniform persuaded the journalists to back off.

"Chica, you can't leave that way. What were you thinking?" Esposito asked when they were by the emergency exit to the basement garage.

Beckett tidied her clothing, a little rattled by the media's assertiveness. "They came from nowhere, Xavier."

"You are the hottest piece of property in New York right now."

"Not happy about that," she grumbled. "I need to get out of here, Espo." She followed him down the stairs to the basement garage.

"I'll drop you wherever you want to go," he said. "You want to be with writer boy?"

"No. He's gone to see his mother." They walked across the garage to his unit.

"Somewhere in mind then?"

"Home. I want to be at home, Espo."

"Then I will take you home, Chica."

Beckett locked the door to her apartment and slumped against it, feeling pure relief wash through her now she was at home. She breathed deeply and slowly, very conscious she had been on the brink of a panic attack while in the car with Esposito. The reality of the situation had set in during that journey initiated by a fear she would get trapped and crushed by a crowd of hungry journalists. She had been brought to their attention via Castle's presence, and now the shooting had thrown her directly into the public eye.

With a long exhale, she pushed off the door then kicked off her shoes. She made her way to the bedroom where she fell upon the made bed flat on her back. With her eyes closed her memory whipped up the bloom of blood on Coonan's dress shirt, the deafening crack of her Glock, ringing ear and screaming voices as the large man's body dropped. Castle's horrified expression, his expectancy of fiery pain, and as he stumbled away and turned the realisation it was Kate who had discharged her weapon. The hard thud as Coonan's body hit the floorboards. She saw the life fade his eyes.

Imagining a thick black permanent marker she scrubbed over the images in her mind and she commenced to focus on relaxation. Breathing deeply and slowly.

She fell asleep, mentally and emotionally drained.