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Chapter Seventeen: Emotions are for Wimps

Tina stared, unseeing, at the purple of her curtains, pulled tightly shut against the glare of daylight. It was Monday and she was still fighting against the terrifying feeling of the world caving in on her. As if a single move might disrupt the fragile calm that she had forced into herself. Blurrily, she resisted the urge to shut her eyes and roll back into the cocoon of her bedsheets. Half of her face was swollen to the point of pain and the other half felt frozen, numb to any flicker of emotion.

Distantly, she could here the sound of the rest of the household stirring. Sometimes her mother woke up at 3 to go in or got in at 4 from a night shift but… Her eyes burned slowly as they moved to the clock that blatantly stated that it was 7. 7 so her mother was probably in the kitchen making pancakes and bacon and eggs and toast and - Tina's stomach rolled and she resisted the urge to gag, going very still as she fought against the instinct.

Somewhere, in the back of her mind, smuggled away in some crevice that she didn't want to even peek into at the moment, Tina Forman knew that she would have to face the world. She knew that she would have to get up someday - probably tomorrow - and she would have to put on her big girl platforms and go to school and maybe even see...Hyde. But today - Tina pulled her covers higher, surrendering to a world of steamy, barely breathable warmth and purple.

"Knock! Knock!" Kitty's giggle rang through the door and pierced the quiet suffocation that Tina was drowning herself in, making her flinch further into a ball. Maybe, Tina thought, half desperate with a lack of sleep and mild hysteria, maybe she would just go away. But that wasn't a part of Kitty Forman's vocabulary. "Honey, it's past 7 and you don't want to be late! Rise and shine!"

Distantly, she heard her door creak open and then the quiet gasp of her mother. "Oh, honey! This is no way to start the day. Honey? Tina dear?"

Tina resisted the urge to groan as she felt her mother near her and the gentle tug of her mother as the covers were pulled back to reveal the straggly, knotted tangle of auburn hair and then the swollen cheeks and eyes. Kitty gasped again, pulling back for a moment before sinking down to kneel beside her daughters bed.

"Honey - Tina - what -what's wrong, sweetpea?" A cool hand ran across Tina's forehead, forcing a breath of relief out from her. She felt such sweltering heat, a prickly sort of heat that made her uncomfortable. But her mom - Tear pooled behind Tina's eyes again - Her mom was here. Her mom.

A slow wail worked it's way up her throat, startling Tina with its furiosity. She had cried all night -she had thought - she had hoped that she would never cry again. It had become painful, like every tear was a shard pulled from her brain.

"M-mom-" Tina hiccuped, reaching out blindly as Kitty did the same, reflexive hurt spiking through Kitty's heart.

"Oh, honey," Kitty whispered, her lips pressing into her daughter's forehead as her hands ran over her back and arms. "Ssshhh, baby. Sssshhhhh. I'm here now. I'm here."

Kitty honestly didn't have a clue why here daughter was curled into the fetal position under a heap of all the blankets that she had accumulated over the years. She didn't know why she was clutching onto her like she was trying to cling to the rails of a sinking ship. And she honestly didn't care. The reason was very little compared to the overwhelming fact that her daughter hadn't cried since the summer that Laurie had decided that being with the popular crowd was more useful than being a good sister. Even when Tina had gotten involved with that dumb little Todd Jackson, she hadn't cried. Instead, Kitty's little girl had gotten up the next morning with a new sort of rage filling her - one that reminded Kitty of Red with it's brutal intensity.

So at the moment, Kitty Forman didn't care a bit that she had no clue why her daughter was crying. All she cared about was the fact that she was shaking and Kitty felt like a million shards of glass were pricking at her heart as she shook along with her.

"He - he -" Tina gave up halfway, pressing her face harder into her mother's blouse as a picture of Hyde stepping out the door of the Hub ripped across her mind.

"Ssssshhhh, honey," Kitty murmured, curling around her daughter. "You don't have to say anything. Don't even say anything."

So Tina didn't even try, instead she cried until she couldn't any more and even then she kept crying, slow, dry sobs that scratched her throat raw and made her eyes feel like they were bleeding. And then she fell clumsily into a broken sleep, where splotches danced behind her eyelids, twirling to spark painfully across her mind.

"Ah, man. Ah, Tina what did he do?" Her brother. Tina blinked, ungluing her eyes as her brother sat heavily at the end of her bed.

"Eric?" Tina coughed, wincing. She felt like someone had clawed his way up her throat. Wide eyes that looked just like hers blinked back at her, a raw sadness there that made her grimace.

"Want me to kick his ass?" Fire licked up Tina's neck, stinging her as she struggled up to a sitting position, resting her cheek tiredly to her bent knees.

"You couldn't," she whispered back honestly, smiling as her brother sneered, opening his mouth to protest. "But I know that you would try. And thank you."

Her brothers jaw worked for a moment, unspoken words flashing there before his head dropped a bit, sending his bangs forward.

"I told everyone at school that you had the flu," Eric whispered. "I didn't think you wanted-"

"Thank you." Tina's eyes caught on a tray filled with cookies, toast and water. "From mom?"

"She took the day off." Eric nodded, handing over the tray as his adam's apple gave a little bob. His eyes were unwavering as they met hers. "I would do it, you know - I would drop him in a second."

"You don't -" Tina blinked rapidly, toying around with a scrap of toast. She forced a smile, shaking her head. "I don't want that. Why would I-?" She shook her head again, this time harder, the smile slowly slipping. "It was me. Stupid me. He wanted - He asked - It wasn't all him, Eric. I knew who he was - stupid, brash Hyde." His name hurt coming from her. She whispered it, stopping jaggedly as her brother flinched. "He wanted me." A single tear slipped free. It was honestly amazing that she was still able to cry. "And I let him go. I made him feel like… Like a thing." A harsh laugh broke free. "And he let me for a bit. He played along. He played along… until it began to hurt. He let me do what I wanted and then-"

Tina stopped herself, biting on her lip hard enough to draw blood while Eric sat there, trying not to let all the nasty words he felt for Hyde spill out. Because he was afraid that they might break her. Because she looked so frail right now, sitting there, half heartedly nibbling at toast through cracked lips. She was pale, sweaty and disheveled with bags under her eyes even though Eric knew that she had been sleeping all week. And Eric didn't know if it was because of the fact that they were twins or that they had spent all of second grade pretending that the backyard was a volcano and Eric and Tina had always ended up in a tree, sweaty hands grabbing onto each other as one twin reached down to pull the other up - but he could feel it. He could feel all the broken love, jagged edges and swollen soft planes and the bitter regret tumbling out of her.

"Do you want him?" It was a jarring question. Eric knew it would be but he needed to hear it. He needed to hear it if he was ever going to be able to look Hyde in the eyes again.

Tina gulped, unable to brace against the question in time. Should she lie? A lie would be easier to justify.

"Yes." It was whispered, desperate and blind. Tina's eyes searched her twins. "Eric, I think I'll always want him." Her lips trembled, her expression closer to a lost child than anything. "Is that bad? Does that make me weak?"

Tina's shoulders slumped at the admission, something in her going out for a moment. Eric knew that his sister had never been weak. From birth, she had taken the world in her hands and squeezed any hostility that it gave toward her our her family, right out. She had been the strong one, not Eric, not even Laurie.

"Ah, God, Tina." Long arms reached out, drawing her tightly to her brother. "No. No, Tina. It makes you - I think - I think that just makes you in love."

"Ah God," Tina half groaned, half sobbed. "Not with Steven Hyde."

"Tell me about it," Eric whispered into Tina's hair. "I took baths with that guy."

"Ew." It was a sad attempt at humor but somehow, despite herself, she laughed, pressing closer to her brother.

It was dark. Tina had slept all day and now - well, now she was staring at her door, shut against the quiet of the rest of the house. Maybe she didn't feel up to facing the world but she smelled like hell and she was definitely up for a shower.

Her bones creaked as she gathered her towel and a tank and sweatpants. Tomorrow she would regret not being able to sleep but tonight she was too awake to go to sleep. Tina felt the most alive that she had all day. Somehow the night made everything seem a bit more… bearable.

She showered quickly, making herself as quiet as possible as she tiptoed back to her room. She hadn't dared to look at her reflection but from the dull pain spiking under her eyes, she knew that she was in for a rough morning. A part of her pushed back against the ignorance that she had wrapped herself in. She didn't let her thoughts stray to Hyde. She didn't let a whisper of it escape to pollute the air around her. Tina Forman wasn't a crying mess. Tina Forman wasn't fragile. She didn't need Hyde and he definitely didn't need her.

Tina stilled, her ears peaking as she heard a soft patter. It sounded like boots. A stair creaked down the hallway. Could Eric be up? Someone shuffled, as if unsure and Tina turned fully to face the door. The sound was getting nearer to her room.

"Tina?" Something inside of her stilled, her head going light. That was-? No.

Cool metal pressed into her palm as she turned the doorknob. It wasn't-

"Hyde," Tina breathed, her eyes working against her mind. He couldn't be here but he was and he was - Holding a bundle of crumpled wildflowers, too small for his big hands.

"I - Um, listen, Tina-"

She didn't care. She didn't want to hear what he was about to say because a roar was starting from somewhere deep inside of her and right now she wasn't in enough control of herself to stop it. All she wanted…

"Hyde," she breathed out again and suddenly her hands were reaching up, tangling in his curls as he gave a low groan, stepping forward so that suddenly all Tina could feel was the raw warmth of him.

His words were raw as the skated across her lips, his hands reaching out to grasp at her hips. "You don't want to-"

But she did. And she was going to.

Tina had never felt so hopeless as her lips crashed into Hydes, her hands pulling him down as he leaned over her. She could feel it rolling off of him to, the contained growl that rumbled through his chest and vibrated all her breasts. He tasted like hot chocolate and whiskey and he smelled like a bonfire in the depths of winter. Tina couldn't get enough of him. Desperately, she went up on the tips of her toes, her fingers fisting in his hair even more as his moved to roughly grasp her ass and bring them thigh to thigh.

Fingers cupped Tina's jaw, forcing her to part her lips as a thumb ran along her jaw and then Hyde's tongue was skating along hers as they crashed into Tina's cluttered desk. Tina was lost, lost, lost - not even caring that she was so far out to sea as his hands grasped onto her ass and she lifted her, never breaking their feverish kiss and set her on top of a stack of papers. All she knew was that Hyde was here, Hyde was in her room, kissing her. And… And he had been with another girl.

Slap! Hyde blinked. Tina's fingers stung as she gulped a breath.

"What the hell, Tina?" He was still standing over her, his eyes icy with confusion and anger as he licked his lip, tonguing the part that was reddening quickly.

The blonde girl. He had left with her. Hurt, fresh and new in some strange, painful way that was different from the hurt of him being gone.

"Did you sleep with her?" The words were bitter, dragged from some place that was vibrating - somewhere that made her angry and miserable all at once.

Hyde's face stilled, his eyes deepening as he caught sight of the swollen, red rimmed eyes and her chapped lips. Something in him hurt, something that made him look away from her and reach for her all at once.

"Did you?" There was a hiss to the words that made him glance up again.

"No - Tina - God - I -" He ran a hand through his hair, pulling like he wanted to yank it from its roots. Agitation rolled off him as he paced the room. "I - listen. I wasn't planning on coming here and kissing-" He took a breath, stopping to whirl on her. "You know why I did that."

"To be a dick?" Tina asked bluntly.

"Yes - no!" Hyde growled, stalking closer to her. "Don't pretend for a second like you were some perfect popsicle princess who never did anything wrong-"

"I would have never-" Tina hissed back, leaning forward.

"You didn't have to, Tina!" He snarled, his eyes lighting. "In case you haven't noticed, I've been the one who's pressing for us to be in a relationship - an open, public relationship." A lump suddenly formed in the back of Tina's throat and she fought to swallow. "And there you were - perfect, little Forman - and all you could do was deny it every time anyone even thought it."

"Hyde, I didn't…" Her eyes were on the ground and it was a struggle to force them back up. "You know how I feel about you."

"Do I?" he whispered, a sudden vulnerability clouding his blue eyes and something in it scraped along Tina's heart. Hyde was never vulnerable.

"You are my biggest fear," Tina suddenly blurted out, blushing.

"Wow, bunny. Don't flatter me too much."

"I'm not -" The auburn haired girl blinked, shaking her head. "How many girls have you slept with?"

For a moment, Hyde seemed to consider than he gave a shrug in that lazy way of his. That kind of attitude always infuriated her.

"What if I'm just one of them?" The words hurt. "It's safer to be friends."

For a moment, Hyde didn't say anything, his eyes staring firmly planted on the way Tina's curls fell to curl around her neck and shoulders as she gnawed at her lip.

"If I thought that there was any way that I could control myself when I see you then I'm sure it would be safer to just stay friends." The words were soft and deep and Tina tipped her head back to blink up at him. "But when I'm around you, Tina I can't even think. All I can see is you standing there in those stupid platforms with that twinkle in your eyes and your lips just waiting for me to kiss them. I want you, Tina. And now that you've let me have a part of you, I'm not going to let that go." He smirked a little as her eyes fluttered. "Even for a slutty, punk rock chick."

Unwanted, a smile curled her lips even as she punched him lightly in the chest. She wanted to stay angry, she really did. She wanted to rage and roar and kick him out of her room and hurt him like she had been hurt.

"You really didn't sleep with her?" It was a stupid question at this point. And from the way that Steven was smirking and staring down at her, he thought it was a stupid one too.

Slowly, Hyde reached up, his smile softening to something sweet as a single finger reached forward to trail down her temple to her jaw.

"You can check my body for any signs of ill play," he suggested gently, leaning forward to press his lips softly to hers before pulling back to lean his forehead against hers. "Nah, Tina. She was a little to paranoid for my liking. And a little to blonde. And not you - so… Yeah…"

"You're being sweet," Tina crooned softly, giggling as he nipped at her nose.

"Moment of weakness," he mumbled, leaning forward to kiss her again. "You're my girlfriend now, Tina Forman."

"You're really stuck on that." She let out a squeal as Hyde yanked her to him.

"I'm not going to play around with you. I'm not going to be that guy so if you want that-" Tina stopped him with a hand to his chest.

"No. No, Hyde - I." Tina bit her lip. "I want you."

"Good," he growled softly, kissing her once more. "I wasn't going to take no for an answer anyway so it really didn't matter. You're kind of mine anyway."

"You're such a narcissist," Tina laughed, pushing against his chest as he bit down her neck. "Bossy."

"You love it."

It had been a horrible, awful day, Tina thought. But looking up into Hyde's face she thought that she really didn't care. Because her clock said that it was midnight and she had this odd, fluttering in the pit of her stomach. Maybe she had heartburn.

"Time for bed," she whispered against Hyde's lips, pulling him down again. She was addicted to the taste of him, she thought distantly as his lips parted and he clutched her to him.

"Bed?" he whispered hoarsely, his brows going up as she hopped off the desk and he was forced to step back to make room for her.

"Just bed," Tina clarified, pulling the covers back and waiting as Hyde toed off his boots and crawled into bed. "You're still in the dog house."

"I should have stuck with the whole sex and run scheme that I had going on instead of kissing your ass," he grumbled, sliding beneath the covers and wrapping Tina in a tight hold. The auburn haired girl gave a sigh as he pulled her onto the hard expanse of his chest, his hands running along her back. Slowly, the inched down to her ass, giving it a squeeze that made her squeak. "But it's such a nice one."

"You're an animal," she mumbled, cuddling into him as she felt a heaviness crush down on her.

"An animal in your bed, bunny," he replied, yawning. "Dangerous combination."

His hands went still, one running through his hair and keep her nuzzled into his neck as the other rested on her thigh as it curled over him.

Steven Hyde had never felt more at home.

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