Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent.
Most kids who grew up in Abnegation know this rule - Walk, don't run. Wanting to get somewhere in a hurry is part of self-indulgence. You can't slow down enough to make room for others and their concerns, so you're constantly cutting in line and elbowing people aside. It's not just impolite, it's selfish behavior.
But who says you shouldn't be selfish once in a while? Running with the Dauntless is truly one of the best feelings in the world. In the middle of the pack, blending in with the others, I know Marcus can't hold me down. I'm no longer suffocating. I'm free.
When I dug the tip of the blade into my own palm, it stung. With all my might, I tried not to whimper or scream. Yet it seems fitting, that pain should follow me from my old life into my new one. No one ever said transforming yourself should be easy.
I descended the stairs and went straight to the Dauntless section, where Eric was already standing. He could barely keep the smile off his face, even as the other Dauntless wore stoic looks. When I reached him, I flung both arms around him and held on like my life depended on it.
He responded by squeezing me just as tight, his hold only loosening when the next name was called out. While the Ceremony wrapped up, we snuck glances at the parents we'd be leaving behind. Marcus sat near the front of the Abnegation section, right next to Alice Brewster. He looked completely stupefied.
I smirk a little, recalling the image. I did that, I put that expression on his face. I'm no longer that Abnegation child, doomed to be swallowed whole by the system. Instead, I'm the first Abnegation-Dauntless transfer in more than a decade.
I look up, in awe of my fellow Dauntless initiates. They're so chaotic, so adventurous, so noisy. Their shoes make loud clanging sounds as they storm down the stairs, laughing, shouting. Can I, the quiet, "weird" outcast, possibly make a place for myself among them? I don't know.
Well, I don't have much of a choice.
I focus on not losing Eric, who's just a few steps ahead of me. Keeping my eyes trained on the back of his head, I trail the other Dauntless initiates to the bottom of the stairs, where they spill into the lobby and out the doors, into the frigid air. I move to the side of the group, hoping to get a glimpse of where we're headed. Then I see the train tracks, suspended above the street in a cage of latticed wood and metal.
The Dauntless climb the stairs and gather on the platform before the oncoming train. The crowd's so dense, I almost can't find a way to get in. I know I can't miss the train, so I clench my jaw to keep from apologizing as I elbow my way through. Eric's already waiting next to the rails, and he flashes me a grin when I sidle up to him. "You know what comes next, right?" he says.
I nod. "It's not even gonna stop," I say, referring to the train. "We'll just have to run with it and jump on. And if we don't make it, that's it. Factionless."
It's that easy to get kicked out. I keep my eyes glued to the train's moving carriage. All around me, the rest of the Dauntless start piling on. A dark-haired woman runs toward the edge, and Eric copies her stance and movements as she prepares to jump. She grabs a handle on the door and swings herself inside, so Eric does the same thing, fumbling at first then yanking himself in.
Then he turns around and offers his arm for me to take. "Come on, Toby," he shouts over the wind. I don't even think, I just wrap my fingers around his wrist. Then, while holding on for dear life, I throw myself forward so my whole body ends up in the car.
But I didn't anticipate the turning of the train. I stumble, my face smacking into the metal wall. My hand instantly goes to my aching nose.
"Smooth," one of the Dauntless inside teases. He can't be much older than twenty. Like me, he's tall with dark skin, but he's got a much more laid-back look about him.
The woman with the black hair speaks next. I recognize her as Tori, the lady who did my aptitude test. "They made it on the train, Amar," she points out. "That's what counts."
"Tori, you know they shouldn't be here. They should be in the other car." Amar eyes both me and my friend, but not out of suspicion or annoyance. He seems more fascinated than anything else. "Oh, well. If you're letting them stay, I guess it's fine." Now he addresses me. "What's your name, kid?"
The name's in my mouth the second he asks me. "Tobias Eaton," I tell him.
Within a second, the guy's eyes are popping out of his head. "Whoa," he breathes. "You're Marcus Eaton's son?" On hearing the name of my tormentor, I start to squirm a little. Why am I being subject to this when I'm supposed to be moving on?
Amar doesn't leave room for a pause. "What's it like, having him as your dad?" He searches my face, making me feel naked. Then, unexpectedly, he grins. "'Kay, guess you ain't gonna talk." He cracks up.
My face is redder than a tomato. Amar can't possibly know what he said wrong. Even then, his lighthearted chatter opens up too many old wounds. The feeling of being hurt makes my legs go weak, so I back away and sink into a crouch by one wall.
Eric, like me, is at a loss for words. The expression on his face screams absolute panic, which is rare for him. It's ludicrous that, a couple minutes ago, we were on top of the world, and now we're hitting rock bottom once again. "I'm never saying my name again," I mumble. Eric just nods.
I didn't notice it before, but now I do. The ground is slowly receding, the tracks giving way to new ones that hug the roofs of the tallest buildings. I wouldn't even be able to tell, if I weren't watching the street below so intently. Fear balloons inside me, and I can't look in that direction anymore. I'll have to just wait, next to Eric, to get to wherever Dauntless headquarters is.
Walking back to her car from the Choosing Ceremony, Maggie wishes she could switch off her hearing, if only temporarily. She already knows what kind of comments will be directed her way. "Oh, poor woman. Advancing so quickly in her career, yet she failed at mothering her own son." "Really? Her kid transferred to Dauntless? How competent can she be, if she couldn't properly guide him?"
The first, a lukewarm gesture of sympathy. The second, an unfounded accusation. Maggie grinds her teeth in indignation. If Eric were here, she'd know what to do. She'd ground him until the day of the Erudite entrance exam, never letting him set foot outside his room except to bathe, so he'd still look somewhat presentable. She'd make him spend all that time studying, ensuring a score in the ninety-ninth percentile, or higher. And then, once he received his letter of acceptance, he'd come running to his mother with the news, his apologies on his lips, along with a word of thanks for the wonderful high-paying job she helped him get.
But her son is no longer here. He went to Dauntless, the faction sought out by kids with low grades, by kids with behavioral issues. What kind of job is he looking for? Tattoo artist? Weapons manufacturer? Member of a biker gang? Maggie would laugh, if she weren't on the verge of screaming.
Rotten, spoiled child! Can't he show a bit of gratitude? From the moment of his birth, Maggie was always there for him. She fed him day and night. She worked until her joints gave out to put food on the table. She bought him all sorts of toys, some of which he's never used. All that she did in the hopes that he'd one day make the family proud. He was supposed to get a government job and continue his parents' legacy, not transfer to a faction full of losers!
The longer this thought stays in Maggie's head, the more it enrages her. One day she'll cry for the son she lost to the Dauntless. Not now, though. She has to find someone to vent to, or she'll end up making a scene in front of all these reporters.
She turns to look at her husband. He's speaking to some dimwitted journalist, and the woman's devouring every word. "It's karma," Jeffrey says. "Just karma. That's all it is. It's destiny, you know?"
Oh, if only there were no spectators. Maggie would finally get to kill her husband.
When she's finally within an arm's reach of her car, she whips out her keys and unlocks the doors, then ushers her whole family inside. She starts the engine up and drives away as fast as the speed limit will allow.
Once she's back home, she'll begin the process of cleaning up. She'll get rid of everything in her son's room, including the copy of that portrait his Stiff friend painted for him. Then Megan will finally have the extra practice space she's been asking for.
Maggie gazes at her daughter in the rearview mirror. Megan, the shining star of the family. Their last hope, now that Eric's thrown his life away.
What does Maggie want for her son now? Will she look forward to seeing him on Visiting Day, when hopefully, he'll have straightened himself out? Actually, he's more likely to fail Dauntless initiation. It's very physical and the trainers are tough. Most transfers drop out early, or they just don't get accepted.
Well, Maggie thinks, let him fail. Let him suffer for a while, so he'll realize he still needs his mother. That'll teach him. At last he'll see what happens when he doesn't listen to her, the one person who knows him better than he knows himself.
The train ride to the Dauntless compound takes forever. Eric and I spend most of it talking, but I'm already half-asleep when Amar nudges me slightly with his toe.
"Rise and shine, Eaton," he says, not unkindly. "It's almost time to jump."
I suddenly want to vomit. "Jump?" I stammer.
"Yep." Amar grins. "Train stops for no one."
I push myself up, though I have trouble staying on my feet. I feel like my body's been drenched in cold water. Tori stands near the doorway and beckons both Eric and me forward. I know what she's asking us to do, but do I have the guts to do it?
No. I can't. Please, God, no.
Then Tori makes a move. "Let the Erudite off first!" she yells, shoving Eric toward the opening.
I glare at her. What in God's name is she doing? A second later, my focus switches to Eric. He shuffles toward the edge, squeezing the handle on the door so hard, his fingertips must be going numb. I see where he's supposed to jump. Up ahead, the tracks wrap around the roof of a building and then turn. The gap looks miniscule from here, but the closer the train gets, the larger it seems, and our imminent deaths seem more likely.
The Dauntless in the other cars begin to take the leap. None of them miss the roof, but that doesn't guarantee we won't be the first. Eric turns to me, his eyes watering with fear. "Toby, I can't do it," he chokes out.
I've no idea where it came from, but a sudden spurt of energy carries me forward. "Here, take my hand," I say loudly, extending one of my arms to Eric. I feel his sweaty hand grip mine. "One… two… three!" I stare at our target, the rooftop, and push off with all my strength, dragging Eric with me.
For just one heartbeat, both of us are suspended in midair. Then my feet slam into gravel, the impact shuddering through my calves, all the way up to my knees. Some great force makes my whole body snap back. Turns out, Eric just missed the edge of the roof, and is now hanging precariously by four fingers. My arm's the one thing keeping him from plummeting to his doom.
My joints are screaming, but I refuse to let go. Crying out in pain, I tug as hard as I possibly can. When his shoulders are level with the rooftop, Eric places one palm on the gravel and uses it as a crutch to lift himself up. I sit back on my heels, watching him, panting like an overexerted dog. I feel as though time just sprang forward, the actual jump disappearing from sight and memory.
"Holy shit," Eric gasps. "Toby, I…" He lets out a small cough, then he laughs. "I think you saved my life."
I join in his laughter. I have to, I'm just so happy we both survived. And not just in the literal sense. We just passed two initiation tests with flying colors. "Good thing I came with you," I tell Eric, smiling so wide my cheeks hurt.
Behind me, a rough voice speaks. "Damn," it exclaims. "A Stiff? And his buddy's a Nose."
I was so fixated on passing the test and rescuing Eric, I forgot the other initiates are watching us. Judging us, more like. The boy who spoke looks like a Candor-born, with his white shirt and black pants. He's currently sneering at me, but I'm not concerned. Most Candor-Dauntless transfers are total jerks. This is just more of the same.
I help Eric up, all the while puzzling over the next Dauntless test. We followed them here, now the question is, how will we get down?
I have my answer when Amar steps onto the ledge. They're gonna make us jump. Again.
Both of my eyes close. I send a quick prayer up to God. I came here to escape, but this doesn't seem like an escape, it's only a different kind of torture and it's far too late for me to opt out. All I can do is try to survive whatever the Dauntless throw at me.
"Welcome to Dauntless!" Amar shouts at the top of his lungs. "Where you either face your fears and try not to die in the process, or you leave a coward. We've got a record low of transfers this year, unsurprisingly."
The Dauntless-born initiates punch the air and whoop, bearing the fact that no one wants to join them as a banner of pride.
"So who wants to go first?" Amar points at his own feet, which stand balanced on a narrow strip six inches wide. "Only way into the compound is to jump off this ledge." He hops down and gestures to the place where he just stood, his eyebrows raised.
Of all us transfers, nobody moves. There's only six of us - me, Eric, an Amity girl, two Candor boys, and a Candor girl. No question, it's gonna be a Dauntless-born who volunteers.
And he does. The one who steps up is a short, dark-skinned boy with dreads. He's got a bounce in his step and a lopsided smile on his face. He invites cheers from his friends with his hands.
"Go, Zeke!" a Dauntless girl hoots.
Zeke vaults onto the ledge but misjudges the jump and loses his balance, tipping forward right away. He hollers something unintelligible and vanishes. The Candor girl nearby shrieks, covering her mouth with one hand, but Zeke's Dauntless friends erupt into laughter. I don't think that was the heroic moment he had in mind.
Amar, grinning, motions to the ledge once again. The Dauntless-born initiates line up behind it, and so do the Amity girl and the Candor transfers. I know I'll have to join them. I have to face my fear of heights, it doesn't matter how I personally feel. I step toward the line, my body stiff like my joints are rusted bolts. Now it's Eric who has to grab my arm and steer me in the right direction.
Amar looks at his watch and cues each jumper every thirty seconds. The group slowly shrinks, dissolves. It goes faster than I can send up another prayer. Then it's gone completely, and Eric and I are all that remains.
I back up, so I'll be last in line. Eric looks at me like, You gotta be kidding. I shrug my shoulders. He needs to understand, fear is an even more stifling force than Abnegation law.
Eric stops pushing me. He just bounds onto the ledge and prepares to make the jump. "You got this, Toby," he says, looking me directly in the eye. Then he leaps off the roof and falls beyond my line of sight.
It's down to just me now. I shakily step onto the ledge, spasms running down my leg. The sun is about to set behind the buildings in the distance. Can I focus on that instead? No, I have to, I need to or I might actually die of fright.
"Go ahead," I hear Amar's voice say. It echoes in my brain, but it's so far away it probably doesn't matter.
I won't look down. I can't. I'm frozen, my entire body imprisoned in ice, preventing me from shifting my gaze. Stopping my knees from bending, so I can't catapult myself off the roof. All I can do is tilt and fall, into a solid black nothingness that stretches on for eternity.
My stomach drops past the bottoms of my feet. My limbs grapple for something, anything to hold. But there is nothing. Only the drop, only the air, only the frantic search for the ground.
Then I hit something so hard, it knocks every wisp of air from my lungs. I'm dead for sure, is my last thought before consciousness leaves me.
AN: Ooh, snap! Things aren't looking good for Tobias. But he'll be alright… will he? Lol. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, especially the part where you get a peek into the mind of Eric's mother! That was definitely interesting to write!