Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent.
I'm at breakfast, stabbing at a large chunk of sausage with my fork, when someone familiar yet unexpected shows her face in the dining hall. Jeanine Matthews is one of a pair of Erudite women. The other is obviously younger, with less status. But that makes little difference to the Dauntless in the dining hall, most of whom are teenagers. They go as quiet as I've ever seen a group of Dauntless get.
Even then, there are still mutters everywhere, like the distant sound of running footsteps. But gradually, as the two ladies sit down near Max and nothing momentous happens, conversations start to pick up again. I don't participate in them, though I'm sitting close to some of the Dauntless-born initiates. I keep stabbing the sausage and eggs on my plate, watching Max and the Erudite women to see what they'll do.
After some time, Max rises and approaches Amar, who's in the middle of eating his breakfast. They have what looks like a tense conversation. Then, all of a sudden, they're both striding in my direction. They're coming for me.
"Hey. Abnegation." Amar's voice sounds strained, and it's so unlike him that I'm taken aback. He's beckoning to me with one hand. Warily, I get up, leaving my almost-empty tray behind.
"What's up?" I ask Amar.
"You and I, we've been called in for an evaluation," replies Amar. His usually smiling mouth is a flat line, his voice oddly monotone. His demeanor is a lot like it was when he warned me to hide my fear simulation results, and that tells me to not let my guard down around Max, who's looking over my instructor's shoulder.
"Huh?" I attempt to stall by acting clueless in front of the Dauntless leader. But he sees through my game.
"Your simulation results were abnormal," Max clarifies in his no-nonsense way. "Therefore, we've got to investigate immediately. We don't want any program errors."
I just keep staring at Max. "Well, what am I supposed to…"
"You'll come with the two of us," I hear Jeanine say. She'd gotten up and made her way over to Max without me noticing, and now she's flanking him like the two of them plan to ambush me. Like they're pack hunters and I'm the prey. "We'll observe another simulation to ensure it's working as intended. Amar, you'll come, too."
Dammit. I'm toast unless I think fast. There's not a whole lot I can do to keep both Max and Jeanine off my tail, but I better do something if I want to stay safe. Even if I convince them I was falsely accused, they might still talk to the right people, damaging my reputation in Dauntless forever.
The intelligent thing to do would be to play along, let them watch me as I face another one of my fears. I just have to play the part of someone who's unaware he's in a simulation.
We walk to the simulation room without speaking. When we reach the door, Amar opens it and lets the rest of us file in. He leaves to get some extra equipment, so Max, Jeanine, and Jeanine's assistant can observe.
Jeanine paces around the room, her expression pensive. Most likely, she's quietly working out how to catch me cheating. I don't trust her, neither would most who grew up in Abnegation. We've all been taught to oppose Erudite values, taught to resist their vanity and their greed. But what I was told couldn't have been entirely correct. Eric's nothing like that, and neither was Katherine when I knew her. Jeanine made a pretty good impression on me when she jumped into action to save Eric in the hospital. Could she show kindness to an ex-Abnegation like me?
Before I can dwell on this further, she's addressing me directly. "You were logged into the system as 'Thomas'," she says. She stops pacing and folds her hands in front of her. "Why do you not go by 'Tobias' here?"
It's such a random question, it startles me. The implications of what she's saying sink in. Of course she knows my true identity. She knows Eric, doesn't she? I feel like my insides are slowly shriveling up. Jeanine knows my name, my father, and probably a few of my darkest secrets, too. Her clear, almost watery eyes touch mine, and I have to drop my gaze.
"Uh…" I think about my reply. "I wanted a clean slate."
She nods. "I can respect that. Especially given what you've gone through."
She sounds almost… motherly. I bristle at her tone, almost immediately feeling a pinch of guilt. It may well be that she has good intentions. But she is Max's accomplice, and that man certainly isn't trustworthy.
"I'm fine now," I say coldly.
Jeanine smiles. "Of course you are."
Amar reenters the room with a cart. On it is an assortment of wires, electrodes, and computer parts. I know what I'm supposed to do, sit in the reclining chair and wait for the others to put on their headgear. When they're done, I see Amar brandish a needle. I try to remain still as it pinches my neck.
Then I close my eyes and, just like the first time, the simulation takes me under.
Before I even open my eyes, I hear a series of earth-shaking roars. They seem to originate from several meters below my feet. With each roar comes a sudden gust of wind that cools my ankles. This tells me instantly which of my fears the simulation will test. Heights.
I swallow hard and open my eyes, and the pleasant surprise I get is that I'm not at the edge of a cliff. Nor am I on the roof of an impossibly high tower.
No, I'm on what looks like a pedestrian bridge. Twenty feet below, there's a busy highway that cuts through the land. A multitude of cars and trucks blow past the bridge every second, rattling the structure that supports my weight. But that can't be right. The floor beneath my feet isn't made out of wood, or even metal, it's a sturdy concrete. So why…
I take one small step, and the floor suddenly gives way beneath my feet, making me lose my balance.
Oh God! My arms windmill and my feet desperately try to find purchase on the slab of concrete, which has tilted to one side, exposing a gap that's wide enough for me to fall through. I try to get as far away from the hole as I can, but then the floor tilts the other way, opening up another big gap.
I begin to piece it together. The structure I'm standing on is only supported by a thin beam, so if I venture too far from the center, it'll tip and I'll fall twenty feet.
My brain goes into panic mode. No matter where I move, the floor wobbles unsteadily, threatening to empty me into the chaos beneath. Even if I survive the fall, would any of those vehicles stop if I landed on the highway? Would they even have time to?
Actually, you can make them stop, since it's just a simulation.
No, I can't. I remember I'm trying to convince the Erudite that I didn't cheat. Meaning I'll have to keep pretending to not be aware during the simulation.
I feel my heart pounding in my throat. What would a typical Dauntless, one without simulation awareness, do if he were here? He would try his best to walk across this bridge.
I have to choke back a terrified whimper. I know none of this is real, but it feels so real, the gusts of wind assailing my body, the concrete slab shaking with every tiny step I take, the sound of a horn blaring loudly on the highway below, reminding me of the certain death I'll face if I stumble. With a shudder, I creep forward, going at a snail's pace. I don't dare move faster than that.
Oh God, I hate heights, I hate them. This little balancing act would be easy if not for the fear that strikes me every time I happen to look down. My knees keep buckling and my feet keep trying to go in two separate directions. At one point I almost slip, and panic hits me with so much force, I actually feel dizzy.
Must… go… faster, I think to myself. The longer I stay on this bridge, the higher the chance that I'll end up dead on the highway. I force my feet to move at a slightly quicker pace.
Which turns out to be a mistake. In my hurry to get to the other side, I place my foot too far to the right, and the slab I'm standing on tips. I scream, I can't help it, and as I'm falling I scratch at the concrete with my fingertips, but it's too late. I plummet.
Do I create a net, or a rope in the air to save me? I don't want to die like this, hit and squashed by a car!
But I will. I can't create anything, or the Erudite will know what I can do. They'll accuse me of cheating. They'll ruin my life before it's even started.
I let myself fall. I land right in front of an oncoming bus. Just before I'm run over, I shut my eyes.
When I'm pulled back into reality, I realize I can still feel the pain of getting crushed flat beneath those wheels. The pain is singing in every part of my body. I'm also still screaming, tears springing from my eyes. I know that, under normal circumstances, no self-respecting Dauntless would act this way and not feel shame. But I'm secretly glad I embarrassed myself. That's got to convince Jeanine that I'm not a cheater. I'm just another reckless initiate who thought he could make it across the bridge of death, and failed.
"Interesting," I hear Jeanine say, though I can barely hear her over my heavy breathing. She's bending over the screen that should show my simulation results. "I never tire of seeing inside another person's mind. Every detail suggests so much."
Okay, so I might still be recovering from the simulation. But at this moment, I feel the urge to get up out of this chair, walk over to Jeanine, and slap her. Trying hard to control the shaking in my legs, I swing them over the edge of the chair and plant my feet on the ground.
"You did really good," Amar praises me. "Your balancing skills are maybe a little wanting, but you got out of the simulation quick, just like last time."
He grins at me. I must've succeeded at pretending to be normal, because he doesn't look that concerned for me anymore.
I nod. It's honestly stupid, but I'm afraid to talk, too scared of sounding squeaky or croaking like a frog, because the residual fear from the simulation's still affecting me.
"Well," Jeanine says, "we can conclude that the abnormal result was due to a program error. We'll have to do some investigating to find the flaw." She stands and walks over to me, and then she says something that both surprises and pleases me. "As for you, my dear, I can now say my colleagues judged you too hastily. They were suggesting that the methods you used to escape the simulation were unfair. If ever you hear anyone accuse you of such a thing again, you tell me and I'll punish them accordingly, alright?"
"Oh… okay," I manage to say.
Just my luck. My voice did come out sounding squeaky.
"Toby?" Eric walks up to his friend and can't help but notice his thousand-yard stare. The first word that comes to mind is simulation, but that doesn't make sense. None of the initiates have gone through another simulation yet. "What'd they do to you?"
Tobias closes his eyes, as if not wanting to relive what he saw. "Made me go through another sim," he finally says. "It was terrifying, man. I thought I was on this pedestrian bridge that could collapse at any moment, and beneath it was this highway full of speeding cars. I had to try to get across, and halfway there, I slipped and fell."
"You didn't know it wasn't real?" Eric's eyes narrow a little. He isn't dumb, he remembers the conversation he overheard yesterday.
"Course I didn't," Tobias says simply. "That's the worst part."
Eric considers demanding the truth. He knows it after all, and he doesn't get why his friend is keeping secrets like this. How come he didn't mention why they had him go through another simulation? Did somebody call out his unfair advantage, encouraging him to bury it even deeper?
Is it that, plus the fact that lately, he's been drifting away from his childhood best friend?
Eric doesn't like either possibility. He makes a mental note to always keep one eye on Tobias, just in case he lets his newfound abilities get to his head. Otherwise, when things go bad, and they always go bad in this faction, there's a high probability that Tobias will simply save himself, and leave his own "best friend" behind.
AN: You're probably wondering where I got the idea for the new scenario in Tobias' fear simulation. Well, I never thought of myself as being particularly afraid of heights, until the one time I had to cross the pedestrian bridge between two areas of my university. Just as I described, you could hear the whizzing of fast-moving cars and trucks going by, and there were little gaps in the concrete that revealed the twenty-foot drop below. No, it wasn't nearly as dangerous as I made it in the simulation, but it still scared the piss out of me! I ended up shuffling along at a super slow pace while gripping the handrail VERY tightly, because I kept thinking at any moment the whole thing would collapse and I'd fall onto the busy highway below. I know, I'm not showing Tobias any mercy! Lol.
Next chapter will feature a double date, with one of the couples being, of course, Tobias and Shauna. Now you might be thinking, WTF? What about FourTris? Well rest assured, FourTris IS gonna happen, so Tobias isn't gonna stay with Shauna forever. I just hated how, in the source novel, Tobias never really got a chance to branch out during initiation and experience all the things the Abnegation wouldn't let him experience, including dating. Also keep in mind that this Tobias is considerably more adventurous than book-Tobias, since he and Eric were constantly up to no good during their childhood.