Chapter 12: Teacher's Pet Part 3
Giles had said he had to make one transatlantic phone call, but he actually made several. According to Willow, he was on his fourth call by the time Buffy and Paige returned from their abortive attempt to talk to Xander.
Apparently, this Carlyle guy had been transferred to a different loony bin. Night had fallen by the time Giles found the right one.
"Frankly, madam," came the Watcher's voice from his office, "I haven't the faintest idea what time it is, nor do I care. Now unlock his cell, unstrap him, and bring him to the telephone immediately, this is a matter of life and death!"
"Got it," Willow said. Buffy, Dawn and Paige joined her at the computer. "Coroner's report, complete with"—she made a face—"yuck, color pictures."
Willow backed away from the monitor, but Buffy leaned in closer. She compared the marks on what was left of Dr. Gregory's neck to those in the textbook. "They are teeth marks," she said triumphantly, "which match perfectly the one insect that nips off its prey's head."
"Okay," Willow said, "I don't like this."
"It's the way they feed: head first. Also, the way they mate. The female bites off the male's head while they're—"
"No, no, no!" Willow said, and Buffy belatedly realized that she perhaps shouldn't have gotten so graphic. "See, Xander is—I like his head, that's where you find his eyes and his hair, and his adorable smile . . ."
"Whoa, take it easy, Will," Dawn said, putting her hand on her friend's shoulder. "Xander is not in any immediate danger."
"Buffy and I saw him leave school—he's probably safe at home right now," Paige offered.
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Rupert Giles hadn't heard Ferris Carlyle's voice in twenty years, and it appeared that the intervening two decades hadn't done much for the old boy's stability.
"I understand, Carlyle. . . . Yes, I'll take every precaution. . . . Absolutely, it sounds exactly like the creature you described. You were right all along, about everything. . . . Well, no, you weren't right about your mother coming back as a Pekingese, but . . . Try to rest, old man. . . . Yes. . . . Ta. . . . 'Bye now."
He hung up the phone with the sensation of having gone crawling in some very unpleasant holes. Rubbing his left arm briefly, as though it pained him, he rose and went back into the main part of the library, where Paige, Dawn, Buffy and Willow were waiting.
"So was your friend able to corroborate my theory?" Paige asked.
Giles nodded. "Dr. Ferris Carlyle," he said, "spent years transcribing a lost, pre-Germanic language. What he discovered he kept to himself—until several teenage boys were murdered in the Cotswolds. Then he went hunting for it. He calls her a She-Mantis. This type of creature, the Kleptes-Virgo, or virgin thief, appears in many cultures: the Greek Sirens, the Celtic sea-maidens who tore the living flesh from the bones of—"
"That explains why the cleaners didn't erase the knowledge, only he had seen it and lived to tell the tale. No one would have believed him," Paige said.
"It seems that way," Giles agreed. "You were also right that his She-Mantis may be an upper level demon with a human form. She assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest."
"Virgins? Well, Xander's not a . . . I mean, he's probably—" Dawn started.
"Gonna die!" Willow finished as she got up and ran to the phone.
"Okay, okay," Buffy said, "so this thing is breeding. And we have to find it and snuff it. Any tips on the snuffing part?"
"Carlyle recommends cleaving all body parts with a sharp blade."
"Slice and dice," Buffy said.
"If it's truly an upper level demon," Paige said. "Only a potion made from its flesh will vanquish it. Nothing else will work."
"Let's hope," Dawn said, "that it's not an upper level demon."
The sound of the phone slamming down came from the desk. "Xander's not home," Willow said, walking over to join them. "He told his mom he was going to his teacher's house to work on a science project. He didn't tell her where."
Buffy said, "See if you can get her address off the substitute rolls." She turned to Giles. "And you need to record bat sonar, and fast."
Giles nodded. "Bat sonar, right." Then, realizing he was missing a vital piece of data, he asked, "What?"
"Bats eat them. A mantis hears sonar, its entire nervous system goes kaplooey."
"Where am I going to find—?"
"In the video library," Paige said, leading Giles in that direction.
"There are no books, but it's still dark and musty, you'll feel right at home," Buffy added.
"Go on," Paige said as she turned toward Giles office. "I'll get a tape and tape recorder."
"I guess I'll handle the armory," Buffy said as she walked over to the weapons locker and opened it.
Paige found a microtape and joined Giles in the stacks. She found Giles had located the proper tape—noting with sadness that the last person to use the tape, according to the log, was Michael Gregory—and put it in. Once it got round to showing sonar, Paige simply put the handheld to the television speaker and hit record.
Ten molar-grinding minutes later, she had recorded what she prayed was enough. Sh rewound the tape, played enough to hear that it recorded, then noticed that the battery light was flashing. Not wanting the batteries to run dry in the middle of a fight, she transferred the tape to another handheld.
Giles and Paige reentered the main part of the library just as the computer printed out a piece of paper for Willow and Dawn.
"Getting the address," Dawn said.
"Great," said Buffy, who was placing her packed duffel on the table. "Giles? Paige?"
"Recording bat sonar," he announced, "is something soothingly akin to having one's teeth drilled."
"Let's roll," Buffy said.
The five of them headed for the door. As they did, Willow perused the paper she had just liberated from the printer. "According to Ms. French's personnel records, she was born in 1907. She's like ninety years old."
"She is extremely well preserved," Giles said dryly.
"That doesn't make sense," Paige said. "For a while my sister, Phoebe, dated a demon. While he was over a hundred years old his official records showed him being far younger than he actually was."
It didn't take long to find the French residence at 837 Weatherly Drive. Giles parked in front of the house, and they piled out.
"What now?" Giles asked as they approached the door. "We can't just kick the front door down."
"Yeah, that would be wrong," Buffy said just as she prepared to kick the front door down.
Before she could, however, the door opened to reveal a wizened old woman wearing a cardigan sweater and thick, plastic glasses. "Hello, dear," she said. "I thought I heard . . . Are you selling something? Because I'd like to help you out, but you see I'm on a fixed income."
Buffy said slowly, "I'm looking for Ms. French."
"I'm Miss French," the woman said proudly.
"Natalie French," Buffy clarified, "the substitute biology teacher."
"Goodness, that's me," the old woman said with a warm smile. "I taught for over thirty years. I retired in nineteen seventy-two."
Suddenly, everything clicked in Paige's head. Ms. French's record stating that she was born in 1907 made a good deal more sense.
Buffy, having obviously come to the same conclusion, said, "I can't believe this. She used Ms. French's records to get in the school—she could be anywhere."
"No, dear," the old woman said, "I'm right here."
"What do we do now?" Willow asked verging on panic.
"Abject prayer and supplication would spring to mind," Giles muttered.
"Buffy and I saw her walking past this park with her grocery bags," Paige said, pointing at the nearby Weatherly Park. "She lives in this neighborhood."
Dawn started moving toward one of the other houses. "I'm gonna start banging on doors."
"Wait, no," Buffy said, grabbing her sister, "we don't have time for that."
"We have to do something!" Willow cried.
"We will," Paige said, "first we need to find her. Buffy are you thinking of what I am thinking?"
Buffy nodded as headed for the street and stopped in front of a sewer cover, she dropped the duffel, and pulled out a good length of rope. Then she removed the cover. "I won't be long," she said, and then disappeared into the sewer.
For several tense millennia—though their watches insisted only three minutes passed—Dawn, Paige, Giles and Willow crouched by the sewer opening. At one point, Giles called her name, but to no response.
"Come on, Buffy," Willow muttered.
Finally, Giles remembered that their one-handed vampire had taken to living in the sewers. "Claw guy?" he asked Paige.
"He was afraid of her," Paige said. "It would make sense that he might be a good bloodhound."
They heard the sounds of a struggle in the bushes behind them. As they got up to look, Buffy popped out, along with the large, long-haired vampire whose hands had been tied behind his back. Or, rather, hand, singular. "You!" the vampire said, apparently seeing Buffy clearly for the first time. "And you!" he added looking at Paige.
"Us," Buffy said with a smile. Then she grabbed him from behind and started pushing him down the sidewalk. "Come on, come on, where is she?"
Giles and Paige, following behind with Dawn and Willow, followed Buffy and the vampire down the street.
"Which house is it?" Paige asked.
"I know you're afraid of her, we saw you," Buffy added. "Come on, come on!"
They passed one of those tiresome American split levels with a white picket fence, and suddenly the vampire tensed.
"What?" Buffy prompted. "What is it? This is the entrance to her house? This is it?"
The vampire said nothing in response, but turned away.
Buffy dragged the vampire closer to the house, saying, "Better than radar." The vampire cringed even more.
The house itself was completely dark, but for a single light coming from a small cellar window.
Giles looked back at the vampire—just as he had finished using his prosthetic to slice through the rope.
"Look out!" he cried at the same time that Dawn, Paige and Willow yelled, "Buffy!"
The vampire slashed at Buffy, who sensibly dodged out of the way. Unfortunately, the motion of the dodge caused her to trip and fall on the front lawn. The vampire advanced on Buffy, who crab-walked backward until she ran into the fence.
As Giles debated the wisdom of giving aid, Buffy grabbed a slat of the fence, broke it off in a smooth motion, and used it to stake the vampire.
As the vampire collapsed into dust, Buffy stood up, smiled, and said, "Paige?"
"Let's make sure first," Paige said as they made for the house. Then they heard the blood-curdling cry for help ...
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The She-Mantis opened the door to the cage and motioned for Xander to come out.
Keeping a purloined cage bar behind his back, he slowly inched feet-first out of the cage. "I'm comin', I'm comin'," he said.
As soon as he was close enough, he slugged the mantis with the bar, then leaped up and ran straight for the stairs.
A foreleg tripped him, and he came crashing to the stairs with a bone-jarring impact.
The other foreleg grabbed him by the torso and the She-Mantis hefted him with disturbing ease. She carried him to a wall and secured him to it with leather straps.
"Oh yeah, here it comes," Blayne said.
"What? What's happening?" Xander asked frantically, even though he wasn't one hundred percent sure he really wanted to know.
"How do you like your eggs, bro, over easy or sunny-side up?"
"Eggs? She's gonna lay some—?"
Ms. French's words in bio class several lifetimes ago came back to him: "The California mantis lays her eggs and then finds a mate to fertilize them." Hanging from the wall were a bunch of eggs.
Xander wondered if it was his imagination, but the praying mantis seemed to be smiling. He didn't think bugs could smile.
Then it leaned in closer and said in Natalie French's voice, "Kiss me."
Struggling futilely against his bonds, Xander said, "Can I just say one thing? Help! Heeeeeeeeelp! "
As if in response, orbing lights entered the room and solidified into Dawn, Willow, Giles, Buffy and Paige.
"Hey, over here!" Blayne cried out. "Hello? In the cage?"
Showing tremendous good sense, Buffy ignored Blayne, instead yelling at the bug, "Let him go!" Buffy had her bag of tricks with her, and pulling out two cans of bug spray, hit the former Ms. French with both barrels.
The giant bug retreated into a corner.
"Help me?" Blayne continued to wail. "Help me!"
"Paige! Get them out of here," Buffy said.
Paige handed Buffy the tape recorder and then orbed out and into a cage. She grabbed Blayne and orbed him out.
Buffy held the handheld tape recorder aloft like it was a samurai sword. "Remember Dr. Gregory—you scarfed his head? Yeah, well, he taught me if you do your homework, you learn stuff. Like what happens to your nervous system when you hear this."
She hit the play button.
They winced as it played an ear-screeching, high-pitched sound.
The mantis was gyrating around and screeching as if in agony.
"Bat sonar makes your whole nervous system go to hell," Dawn said with a smirk.
Buffy reached into her bag and hefted a giant machete. "You can go there with it," she added. She took the machete and starting hacking and slashing the giant mantis just as Paige orbed back in.
In less than a minute, the floor was covered with mantis chunks.
"I'd say it's deceased," Giles said.
"And dissected," Willow added.
Xander asked Buffy, "You okay?"
"Yeah."
Preparing himself for a five-course meal of crow, Xander said, "Just for the record, you both were right, I'm an idiot, and God bless you both."
Paige and Buffy smiled a no-hard-feelings smile, for which Xander was grateful.
Turning to Giles and Willow, Xander said, "And thank you guys, too."
"I'm really glad you're okay," Willow said to Xander, moving next to him. "It's so unfair how she only went after virgins."
Xander blinked. "What?"
"I mean, here you guys are, doing the right thing—the smart thing—when a lot of other boys your age—"
Giles smiled and said, "That's the She-Mantis's modus operandi —she only preys on the pure."
"Well, isn't this a perfect ending to a wonderful day?" Xander asked.
"I don't think it's bad," Dawn said with a smile. "I think it's really—"
Xander bent down to the floor where Buffy had dropped the machete and picked it up.
"Sweet," Dawn said quickly, eyes widening at the sight of the blade. "Certainly nothing I'll ever bring up again."
Xander smiled, then went over to where the egg sacs hung.
Methodically, like a boxer with a punching bag, he hacked and sliced the egg sacs to ribbons.
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Paige didn't make a noise when she appeared next to Buffy in the Bronze. Then again, her mind had been drifting, and the music was especially loud tonight. "I'm proud of you," she said. "What could arguably been a new breed of upper level demon."
"Or it could have been," Buffy argued. "one of those mid-level getting a power boost."
"That is possible," Paige agreed as she gave Buffy a full smile.
A part of Buffy desperately wanted to drown in that smile. "Well anyway," she said after a moment, starting to take the jacket off, "you can have your jacket back."
Paige held up a hand to stop her. "Looks better on you."
"Let me guess, Phoebe had another premonition?" Buffy asked.
"Maybe," Paige said as she smiled.
Buffy looked at Paige who smiled again and then walked off. "Oh boy."