Morrigan didn't dare close her eyes for the duration of the night. She knew, firstly, that the wooded area they stopped in was unsure terrain and secondly, she seemed to be utterly and hopelessly captivated by her companion. Her very human companion.
Brianna seemed to shrink when she slept curled up right beside the dim orange glow of the fire and without the worry of survival etched on her face she looked, Mor thought, beautiful. Her hair draped around her head, almost like an extension of the fire itself, and an arm draped under her head with her knees curled up towards her shoulders. She would twitch now and then and at some point during the night, as Morrigan was monitoring the dark trees beyond their little camp, Brianna had contorted her face and started muttering until her arm found itself draped lazily across Morrigan's middle. She had slowly looked down at the sleeping woman and smiled despite herself.
Her redheaded companion remained in that position for the majority of the night and Morrigan found her own arm had draped around the woman, watching her shoulders rise and fall She thought that her whole plan would come undone and grimaced at the stakes that were stacked against her. Looking down at the peaceful woman, she hated herself for the danger she would need to put her in. And she would need to put her in it, she needed her, and she hated herself for it. When she was just a name, a faceless girl who they needed to serve the rebuilding of their fragile world, it was easy. Too easy.
But when she'd seen her, studied her she had found a girl who was brave, humorous and kind despite all the hurt she'd clearly experienced in her short life. Morrigan realised the severity of her task in the days and weeks that followed and she hoped that she could bear the brunt of it for them all. She couldn't bear to see anyone else hurt, but her task was important. Her court, her lands and her people could not withstand more conflict, not so soon after the war with the King of Hybern.
What was the life of one girl, in the grand scheme of it all? She thought, exasperated. She had to put her task, her court and her family first. It was non-negotiable however, that didn't mean she wouldn't do everything in her power to keep the people she needed safe.
Brianna began to stir awake, and when she opened her eyes and stretched her lean legs moving the light material up, exposing her toned stomach, Morrigan couldn't stop the hitch in her breath. Gods help her.
"Good morning" she said with a wide smile. Brianna opened her eyes fully and glanced down at the arm that was draped over Morrigan's middle, she squirmed free and sat up stretching her arms above her head. The early sunshine caught her hair and lit her up.
"Sorry, I don't normally sleep with…" she cringed and Morrigan laughed lightly, making her companion's eyebrow raise.
"I forgive the intrusion don't worry" Brianna smiled and nodded in thanks.
"I've never been in this part of the woods before, I don't even know where the main road is" this seemed to concern Brianna as her face scrunched up in thought. "I normally at least attempt to plot my course before I go" she muttered to herself.
"It would seem you were in haste to leave that town," Morrigan sat up straighter "and all of those within it" she didn't hide the hurt that crossed her face, it was a genuine emotion that she had tried not too hard to think on.
"Mor…look I- " Morrigan stood abruptly and Brianna joined her throwing her arms in the air "you said I had a choice," she exclaimed, "so I made it" she stood straighter, raising her head.
"I did," Morrigan agreed "but there is a polite way to turn a proposal down and then there is the cowards road" Brianna's face reddened. "I don't know you at all but from the gossip and the brief time I have spent time with you, I thought you were better than that" genuine hurt flashed in the other woman's face for the briefest of moments.
"I am not obligated to you or your people Mor," she said plainly, shoving her belongings into a sack.
"Aren't you?"
"What does that mean?" Brianna threw more of her belongings into the sack and span around to come to face Morrigan with fire in her eyes. Morrigan sighed, she didn't normally get so worked up, she was level headed, and she usually left the arguing for Cassian and Rhys.
"I apologise for speaking out of turn," she said, "I would have at least liked you to tell me to my face"
"Fine" Brianna spat "I won't be helping you, I won't be going to that, that…place with you"
"Not even for your family?" Morrigan hated herself, but she was desperate.
"My family are gone," Brianna said, softly.
"And what if they weren't?"
"How can you know whether they're dead or alive Mor? I left a long time ago. The war was brutal, you can't know anything" she began throwing the last of her belongings into her sack. Slower than before, as though she were questioning herself. Good. Morrigan thought. She had her.
"You're wrong." Morrigan said, "I know enough".
"Mother save me" Brianna muttered, "Did it occur to you to consider that even if I knew if my family were alive and well, that I'd even want to return to them?" Morrigan had not.
"No, I didn't but…"
"No, you didn't" Brianna shrugged on a fur cloak and held the sack on her back "Thank you for saving my life but I won't be returning to that land. Not even for my family" Morrigan stood, open-mouthed and in utter shock.
"What if the reason they haven't found you is simply because they couldn't" Brianna scoffed and sighed.
"They made their choices Mor, and I have made mine" she smiled so sadly that it tore at Morrigan's heart in ways she couldn't fathom. "I know you have watched me, you must have to gather this information. But you don't know me or what motivates me" Morrigan could only stand still "You can not see into my past, you don't know what they did or what I have done." Morrigan was overcome with regret, it wasn't entirely her own and she couldn't explain how she knew, but she knew it was Brianna's. It terrified her. "I can't go back there Mor for reasons you don't and will never understand"
"Brianna" Morrigan said, all urgency leaving her voice. "I'm sorry. You're right, I can't know your past, I can't even ask you to do it for your broken family" Morrigan stepped closer to her, the other woman's eyes widening "Mother, I can't even ask you to do it for your land, for it would seem you take ownership of none". Brianna's smile faded, and the sadness crossed her eyes once more "but I can ask you to do it for me and for you and for this shattered and broken world" Brianna frowned, but paused. "I can ask you" Morrigan continued, placing her hand on her heart "because without you helping me, I am terrified that my family, friends and this world will become so irrevocably broken that no gods would dare look down on it" she looked into her eyes, tears welling in the corners, surprising both parties. "I ask you because I must, because there are people in our lands, home or not, that are looking to the stars and are hoping" Morrigan took Brianna's hand in her own and squeezed. "I am asking you because it is the right thing to do, even if it is the hardest. I want to give you choice, I need to give you the choice. But make no mistake, I will not witness more of my family and friends' lives be destroyed" Morrigan's whispered, bearing her deepest fear "I cannot destroy more people's lives myself. Please" Morrigan allowed the tears to escape her eyes.
"The faerie with a heart" Brianna cupped Morrigan's face and gently wiped her tears "I will help you Morrigan of Prythian. Freely and without asking you for anything other than my safe return" Morrigan smiled.
"I can agree to those terms" they held each others gaze and Brianna briefly glanced to Morrigan's lips, which made Morrigan bite her bottom lip softly.
"Let's begin, we have a long journey ahead and mother knows what lies before us" Morrigan let out a breath she hadn't realised she was holding and stared at her hand that once held Brianna's.
For the first time in decades. Morrigan was utterly speechless and completely terrified at the long forgotten emotions stirring in her chest.