Chapter 43: Desperate Housewitches Part 1

With a pointer, Leo pointed to the word "ELDERS" on a large chart propped up on a stand. "So, knowing how untrained and un-tethered magic could lead to disaster, the one in Atlantis being the prime example, the elders knew that they needed to nurture young magic."

"The Elders knew they needed to nurture young magic," Leo said as he turned around. He saw that Dawn and Billie weren't paying much attention to his lecture. In fact, Dawn was watching Billie who was playing with nunchakus. "Billie, Dawn, are you listening to me?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Untethered magic, Elders, yadda-yadda-yadda," Billie said.

"Sorry, Leo," said Dawn. "You do have to admit that is amazing. The only time I've seen that kind of precision was with Buffy and that was because she was the Slayer."

"Ok, listen, Dawn, you and Buffy are fighting for the greater good in Sunnydale. And Billie if you're gonna take over the fight for the greater good in San Francisco. I really don't think it's a bad idea if you both know the history of good magic. Listen, Paige wanted me to teach you both something good, and I think Billie you're kinda making me look bad right now."

"Oh, come on. You could be teaching us tic-tac-toe," Billie said. "She wouldn't care. She's just happier getting us off her back for the day."

"She does care," Dawn said. "Well about me and Buffy anyways."

"That's because Buffy is her girlfriend," Billie reminded Dawn. "She probably couldn't forgive herself if something happened to Buffy. The same could be the said for you. She probably would hate herself to see Buffy in pain because something happened to you."

Leo sighed as he turned back to his chart and lecture. "Okay. So, the magical community knew it needed a place to nurture young magic, so the Elders created magic school."

"Yeah. You know, I'm just imagining a bunch of old farts in robes lecturing on the moral implications of magic," said Billie.

"There's that," Leo said. "There's also advanced courses in telekinesis, spell casting, potion making –"

"Wait. What?" Billie said as Dawn's eyes went wide.

"Astral projection, and medieval weaponry–" Leo said as he turned around and saw what Dawn had that Billie had started telekinetically playing with the nunchukas.

"They really teach that stuff?" Billie asked as the nunchakus move faster and faster. Billie gasped with surprise. "This is so cool!" She turned and the nunchakus flew across the room and into the stained-glass window on the far wall. "Oh, sorry."

Downstairs one end of the dining room table was littered with various research books and a photo of Dex Lawson. On the other end of the dining room table, Piper had a sewing machine, material and various other supplies out. Piper lifted the material, looking for something and accidentally pricked her finger on a needle.

Paige rushed down the stairs. "Okay," she said. "Either there is a gremlin infestation in this house, or Wyatt's little orby finger has gotten a hold of my jewelry.

"Jewels?" Piper said. "This early in the morning? What's the occasion?"

"Buffy and I are going out," Paige explained, "and I'm trying to get out of here before Leo changes his mind about training Dawn and Billie. Especially Billie." Out of the corner of her eye Paige saw Wyatt on the floor behind Piper playing with his toys. She walked over to him. "Oh, nice try, little pirate. I see what you've got here."

Paige looked down and found her jewelry in his toy treasure chest. She picked it up. "Thanks a lot, matey," she said.

"Oh, Wyatt, honey!" said Piper looking at her son. "Mommy said no magic."

"Well, it's good to know you are more worried about him using magic than you are about him, uh, stealing," said Paige.

"Actually, I'm more concerned with him blowing our cover with his school play coming up," Piper said. "You know the reason Buffy and Dawn are in town for a couple days?"

"Okay now here's a problem. Do I pick a lipstick color to go with my face ... or my alias' face?" Paige asked.

"That's difficult because your going out with Buffy who can see the real you. But yet you are going out in public where other people will see the other you," said Piper. "I think the pink. Buffy isn't going to care what lipstick you wear as long as she is with you. But you will want to look presentable to everyone else."

Paige applied the pink lipstick and turned around to see Piper behind her. "Awww. I take it you're not liking this whole ... "new you" thing."

Piper shook her head. "No. I guess I just miss the old me a little. Uh, why are you worrying about being able to go out with Buffy. You two go out all the time."

"In Sunnydale, sure," said Paige. "I just want to take her out while she's in San Francisco. And sadly, when I'm here I tend to have to deal with Billie all the time."

At that exact moment Phoebe rushed into the room. "Hey, guys. Did you hear the good news?" she asked.

"Hmm. Let me guess. Dex is the one?" Paige asked.

"Yep, according to every magical calculation there is," said Phoebe. "Not only that, but it all turns out perfectly you know, my vision of us getting married, when I'm supposed to get pregnant, all of it. He's the one."

"Yeah. Maybe you should just check that one more time," Paige suggested.

"I'm sorry?" said Phoebe.

Piper suddenly held up the outfit she'd been working on. It's incredibly crooked in every way. "What do you think of this snazzy costume?"

Phoebe looks at the costume and chuckled.

0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0

In Sunnydale Buffy was waiting for inspiration. Of course, it never came when she needed it. Like, in a fight to the death or for the last question on an algebra test. Or standing in front of her closet an hour before she was supposed to meet Paige for a coffee date in San Francisco.

"I so should have gone to the mall," Buffy grumbled. "There's nothing in here that I can possibly be seen wearing in public."

"Don't be silly," Willow said, uncrossing her legs and sliding off the bed. She crossed the room and reached into Buffy's closet, pulling a red halter from its hanger. "What about this?"

"Too… vampy."

"I bet Paige likes vampy," said Willow.

Buffy bit the corner of her lip and eyed Willow skeptically.

"Come on," Willow urged. "Just try it on."

"Alright, but if it screams slut, you'll tell me, right?"

Willow pulled her mouth into a straight line and said, "Of course."

Buffy unzipped her hoodie and slipped the satin halter on over her head.

"You can't wear a bra," Willow advised.

"I can't not wear one either," Buffy said.

"Someday, years from now, our boobs won't be as—young as they are now, Buffy. We should take advantage of their—perkiness before they make their journey south."

"So, in other words- flaunt 'em while you got 'em," asked Buffy.

"Exactly," said Willow.

"So why don't you?" Buffy asked.

"You know how I feel when it comes to my own body," Willow admitted. "It's why all my clothes are big bulky things. Not like that costume you wanted me to wear on Halloween."

"That was the point, Will," said Buffy.

"I know you were trying to help me," Willow said with a sigh. "Personally, I'm just not ready for that kind of sexy."

Buffy nodded as she reached around and unhooked her bra, pulling the straps down her arms and yanking it through the side of the halter. "It's probably not fair to tease Paige."

"Paige has seen boobs," said Willow. "She has them herself, remember?"

Buffy rolled her eyes as Willow spun her around to face the mirror.

"See, not slutty."

Buffy lifted her hair up off her neck and nodded. "It does have a certain 'wow' factor."

"Plus, red."

In San Francisco at Wyatt's Preschool, Wyatt was obviously not thrilled at the costumer Piper had sown.

"Come on, sweetie," said Piper. "Don't you wanna be one of Cinderella's footman? Ok. Hang on a second." Behind her Mandi, Wyatt's room mother sat with her son and watched Piper struggle with Wyatt. "Come on. What's wrong? It's a good costume. Look. It's shiny. What's the matter?" She said finally getting the costume on him. "There you go. Don't make sad faces."

Mandi stood up and walked over to Piper and Wyatt. She knelt down in front of the boy. "Hi, cutie-pie. What's going on?" she asked.

"I don't know. He's never usually like this. He just hates it. Maybe he's allergic to the fabric," suggested Piper.

"Or something could be sticking him. A pin? A needle maybe?" Mandi suggested as started s looking through the outfit.

"Oh, no, no. I checked it," Piper said as Mandi removed a needle and held it up to show her. "Oh, that couldn't have been in there. Really. He tried it on before and was fine."

"It's okay. You're doing the best you can, not being his real mom and all. You're a distant cousin, right?" Mandi asked.

Piper sighed wishing that Buffy didn't have a date with Paige. Buffy being the big sister would have been better in regards to Mandi's question. "Oh, we're a little bit closer than you think," she said.

"Well, isn't that good to know. Here," Mandi said as she reached out and took the footman jacket off Wyatt. "How's the other costume coming?"

"Uh ... the other ..." Piper said.

"The pumpkin?" Mandi reminded Piper. "It was on the info sheet I sent out."

"The other costume. Right! Uhh ... it's all sewn up," said Piper.

"Great. As long as it looks like the other boys'," Mandi said as Piper tried to glance around to see what the second costume looked like. "You know how kids can tease. Okay, Wyatt. Let's go work on that forest scene, okay? Let's go." She took Wyatt's hand and led him away.

"Buffy!" Piper whispered.

0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0

"You look nice," Paige said as they walked down the street towards the coffee shop. "I mean, really nice." She smiled at Buffy.

"Thanks. You know me when it comes to deciding what to wear. It always is. I look in my closet and-" Buffy stopped. She was suddenly aware of the soft slide of satin against her naked skin. "I sound like an idiot."

"No, you don't," said Paige as she smiled at her girlfriend. "Beside I know how you are when it comes to fashion."

"So, do you actually drink coffee?" Buffy asked, she couldn't ever remember seeing Paige drink coffee.

"Yes," said Paige as she looked at Buffy. "You've never seen me drink coffee?"

"Not that I can remember," Buffy admitted.

It was a beautiful fall day and the closer to the coffee shop, the more people they passed. People were lined up outside of the movie theatre; teenagers gathered in groups on the corners, laughing and talking in exaggerated whispers.

"Do you ever think about having kids?" Buffy wondered as a young couple pushed a sleeping baby in a stroller past them.

"I do," said Paige. She after all was almost thirty-years-old and knew that she only had so many years left to get pregnant. But she also knew she wanted to wait till Buffy was ready for that step in their relationship. "But I'm willing to wait till your ready to help me raise a baby."

They arrived at the coffee shop and sat down at table. The waiter came took their order. When he walked away Buffy and Paige stared at each other across the table.

"This is nice," Buffy said.

"Yes," agreed Paige.

The waiter arrived with their beverages and a plate of biscotti.

Buffy reached for one of the hard biscuits and dipping it into her cappuccino. "I love you; you know that?" she asked.

"I know," Paige said as she reached across and laid her hand on top of Buffy's free hand. "And I love you."

"Dex?" came a voice.

Paige glanced toward the voice and saw a woman walked toward Dex, Phoebe's potential love interest.

"What?" Buffy asked as she followed Paige's gaze. "Someone you know?"

"More like someone Phoebe knows," answered Paige.

"Hey, babe," the woman said.

"Hey," said Dex as he stood up from the nearby table and he kissed the woman.

At the Bay Mirror Phoebe walked through the bullpen on her way to her office, giving a list of things to do to her assistant, Sophie. "So, I'm fine with color, but if you can see if Jess can fit me in for a quick cut after my leg wax, that would be great."

"Sure," said Sophie. "Do you want me to pick up some candles? You know, set the mood?"

"Ohh! Great idea. Yeah. Make it a couple of dozen. Thanks." Phoebe said as Sophie walked off. She noticed Paige waving to her from her office door.

"Hey there. Bad time?" asked Paige as Buffy stood beside her leaning against the door frame.

"Hi. No, I'm just getting ready for my big date with Dex tomorrow," Phoebe said.

Paige looked at Buffy.

"Hey," said Phoebe. "Why aren't you two on your date?"

"Jo saw something she thinks you should know," said Buffy," about Dex."

Phoebe sighed. "Paige, please don't start."

"Then I will," said Buffy. "You are my friend. So, I want you to know that we saw your possible boyfriend with another woman. Kissing her."

"That could mean nothing," said Phoebe. "She could be his sister for all we know. You kiss Dawn on occasion, don't you?"

"I do," Buffy said. "I see where your going. Julie, just be careful okay? Neither Jo or I want to see you hurt."

"I will," Phoebe said.

0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0

At the Manor in the attic Dawn and Billie were practicing with their telekinesis.

"Piper!" Leo shouted.

Startled, Billie's nunchakus were thrown toward the door and hitting the wall where they fall to the floor.

Rather than pick them up, Billie ran for the couch as Piper and Leo enter the attic.

"I'm a little behind in the crafty department, okay?" said Piper clearly upset. "I didn't have time to hone my skills with a demon attacking every five minutes." She walked over to for the Book of Shadows and opened it.

Dawn looked at Piper and Leo as she stopped practicing her own telekinesis. She walked over next to Leo.

"It's still not a good idea," said Leo.

"You know what?" Piper asked. "It's a great idea. While of those other mothers were out there making cutesy costumes, I had my nose in this book. So, this book is gonna help me make a damn cute pumpkin outfit!"

"I take it things didn't go well at preschool?" Dawn whispered to Leo who nodded.

Leo looked over at Billie Billie who had picked up a book and had it open in her lap. "What's up?" he asked.

"Oh, you know, just soaking up knowledge. I'm a virtual sponge," said Billie.

"Good. Keep it up," Leo said as he turned back to Piper. "So, you know, Hon, besides personal gain, there –"

Piper held up a finger to stop him from saying another word.

Leo looked at Billie who looked to be sweating and then at Dawn. He had seen her practicing her power. He was sure that Billie had been doing the same.

"Why are you so sweaty?" he asked Billie to see if he could get her to admit she was practicing her powers.

"Oh. You know, those, um ... these Salem witch hunts, and the-the lying and the burning. It's just - it's out of control," explained Billie. "Well, now that I'm all caught up, how about we hop on over to magic school and get some real education?"

"Leo and Piper can't," said Dawn. "It would risk exposing that their alive."

"Oh," said Billie. "And what is your adopted step-mother doing?"

Dawn looked at Piper, while Piper was only Buffy's step-mother due to hers and Leo's marriage. Dawn had come to think of Piper as her own step-mother as well just as she had come to think of Leo as her dad, especially when her own father had missed her own birthday supposedly do to some business-related meetings or something like that.

"Making up for lost time," said Piper. "Now zip it!"

"Actually, she is not gonna use magic to make Wyatt a costume," said Leo.

"Oh, no?" asked Piper. "Watch me!"

"You wanted a normal life, remember?" Leo reminded his wife.

"Okay, look, that was before I realized our son was gonna be humiliated in front of his entire class," said Piper.

"Piper, that used to happen to Buffy all the time," said Dawn.

"When?" asked Leo.

"When she went through her Dorothy Hamill phase," admitted Dawn reluctantly. "Kids teased her for it. She didn't actually join the popular crowd till she became a cheerleader at Hemery."

"Shut it, Dawn!" said Piper.

"Okay, is this about Wyatt's humiliation or yours?" said Leo as he turned back to face his wife.

"No, it's about Wyatt ... and the pageant and –" explained Piper.

"... and you out-doing Mandi?" suggested Leo.

"Fine," Piper said as she slammed the Book closed. "No magic. But I will still make the best damn pumpkin outfit ever, and that woman will be sorry she tangled with me." She turned and headed out of the attic.

"That is one desperate housewife," said Billie.

Later in the dining room Piper was gathering up the orange material in her arms as Paige and Buffy walked in from the kitchen.

"Ok, honey," said Paige. "I know this is not the morning for this to happen, but the coffee maker is on the fritz."

"Didn't you two already have coffee this morning?" asked Piper.

"Sort of," said Buffy.

Piper looked between her step-daughter and her sister and saw that something had happened on their date. "Demon," she asked.

"No," said Buffy. "We just saw Phoebe's potential boyfriend with another woman who kissed. Left to let Phoebe know what we had seen."

"Ah," said Piper. "Would you two like you want me to make you some tea instead so you can finish your date?

"Tea?" said Paige.

"Yeah, it's no problem. I was just cleaning up," said Piper.

"Well, you are in a surprisingly chipper mood for someone who hasn't slept all night," said Paige.

"Well, I had to finish Wyatt's pumpkin costume, didn't I?" Piper reminded her sister.

"And did you finish?" asked Paige who remembered that Piper was still working on it before she left for her date with Buffy.

"Absolutely," said Piper. "You know, actually being a super-mom can be surprisingly satisfying."

"Maybe I can tempt you to make me a costume then, mom?" asked Buffy. "Paige has been saying she and I should go out to a party on Halloween."

"I'd like that," said Piper as she smiled at Buffy.

"Don't forget," said Paige. "You're really Wyatt's super legal guardian."

"Since when?" asked Buffy. "I thought your will made Grandpa Victor Wyatt and Chris's legal guardian till I turned eighteen."

"We had to adjust my will to explain why Wyatt and Chris were still with your father and I," said Piper. "As far as legally speaking Jenny and Louis is their legal guardians till you turn eighteen." She then looked at her sister. "And you like to poke at my soft spots."

"Honey, I'm sorry," said Paige apologetically.

"Oh, it's no big deal," said Piper. "I think at least Wyatt and Chris know who their mother really is. And of course, Buffy knows who her step-mother is."

"And Dawn?" said Buffy as Piper looked at her. "Dawn has come to think of you as her step-mother also. And she has come to think of dad as her father. Especially after Hank missed Dawn's birthday because he had to attend a business meeting instead of being with his daughter on her birthday."

"I'm happy that she sees me that way," said Piper.

"We all see you that way, Piper," said Paige.

"Yeah, but it's gotta be confusing for Wyatt, especially 'cause all of his classmates think I'm his cousin, his distant cousin," said Piper.

"Look, he's just gonna have to get used to the way things are," said Paige. "Just as Buffy has. Now would you like to hear my plan on how to save Phoebe from Dex?"

"Paige," said Piper with a sigh. "Do we really need this in our lives right now?"

"Do we really need our sister marrying a cheater?" asked Paige.

"Well ... it was just a kiss, right?" said Piper. "So, maybe it was his sister?"

"That's what Phoebe said," said Buffy. "But we both found that gross. I don't kiss Dawn on the lips. I'll kiss her on the cheek, sure. But not on the lips. All we intend to do is orb to Sunnydale and have Willow hack in and find out who she really is."

"Phoebe's never gonna know," added Paige.

"She's gonna kill ya both," said Piper.