Chapter 47: Rewitched Part 1
Halliwell Manor
Paige put a map of San Francisco down on the table in the attic. "Okay," she said as she pointed at stickers to indicate the death of the three innocents. "Three dead innocents, three weeks, all near memorial hospital."
"Yes, and one witch that's going to vanquish a whole lot of –" Billie said.
"Nothing," Paige said.
Billie frowned. "What?"
"Nothing," Paige repeated as she looked at Billie. "Look, all we need you to do is surveillance, especially because it's your first solo outing."
"Oh, come on!" Billie groaned.
"How can you vanquish a demon until you know what you're up against?" Buffy asked from the door as Paige and Billie turned to look at her. They hadn't heard her come up the stairs.
"I'll bring extra potions," Billie offered.
"No. You are going to go, you are going to I.D. the demon, and then you are going to come up with a plan after that." Paige said as Buffy moved over beside her. She leaned over and kissed her girlfriend on the cheek before turning her attention back to Billie.
"You know, I just have one question. Are you guys really this overly protective or are you just afraid of letting go?" Billie said looking between Buffy and Paige.
"What?" Buffy and Paige asked.
"There's got to be a reason you keep holding me back. And I mean no offense, Buffy, but why does Paige keep calling you or Dawn in for help when that's what I am here for," Billie explained. She then looked pointedly at Paige. "Or maybe you just secretly want to be out there doing it yourself."
"She does have a point," Buffy admitted looking at her girlfriend. "I've been in San Francisco almost as much as I've been in Sunnydale of late."
"That's ridiculous," Paige said looking directly at Buffy. "First of all, your mom, Phoebe and I don't want to be fighting demons anymore. The only person I am even remotely interested in helping or teaching is you and Dawn, Buffy. Because you mean the world to me. And I don't want to see you die. Remember my nightmare?"
Buffy let out a resigned sigh, she did remember.
"Sorry, baby," Paige said as she saw the hurt look on Buffy's face.
"So, if you don't want to teach me anymore," said Billie. "Why not loosen the leash a little and let me show you what I can do."
"Because I'd really rather you not die." Paige admitted.
"But you just said," Billie said looking at Buffy and Paige in confusion. "That you are only teaching Buffy because you don't want her to die."
"The thing is Billie," Buffy said as she looked at the young woman. "I'm the Slayer as well as a witch. I will never be able to escape till I die. I am always going to be target. That's why Paige continues to do what she does with me. The reason Paige continues to guide Dawn or Willow or Xander is because they help me. She knows they mean the world to me. And she knows if they died, I would go after their killer. But you, you can leave this life behind, Billie. You can walk away choose not to use your powers, to disappear like Paige, mom and Phoebe did or even some other way."
Billie sighed. "Okay."
"Good," Buffy said. "I will orb you there. You and I will find out who's attacking the innocents, okay? Then we'll go from there. But first empty your pockets."
"What?" Billie asked.
"Empty 'em, missy." Paige said agreeing with Buffy. Billie took takes out two potions vials and placed them on the table. "Back pockets, too."
Billie sighed and removed a third potions vial and brass knuckles. She put them on the table. "You guys are so not fun."
"I will meet you downstairs," Buffy said as Billie walked out of the attic. She turned and looked at her girlfriend. "Paige, be honest with me Is it really because you don't want her to die why your so hard on her? Why you don't want to train her?"
Paige let out a sigh. "Don't get me wrong, Buffy. I enjoy not having to sneak around with you because I'm an adult and your underage. But pretending I am seventeen when I'm nearly ten years older than that… To answer Billie's question yes, I think I would prefer being back fighting demons, actually standing beside you and helping you, Dawn, Willow and Xander. The pretending to be dead to the world is just not working for me anymore."
Streets of San Francisco
Buffy orbed into a secluded spot with Billie near an alleyway. It was just then they heard a man shout, calling for help.
Buffy led the way into the alleyway to find the man being attacked and cut by the swarming red creatures. Billie came up behind Buffy just as the man fell to his knees. "Red thingies!" Buffy called out as the red creatures began orbing out and back in colliding with one another and exploding. "Check on the guy!"
Billie nodded as she circumvented the creatures which swarmed toward Buffy.
Buffy continued to orb them out and in forcing them collide with one another till one got too close to her. She grabbed it out of the air and took a good look at it. It was a tiny red Imp with a spear. The Imp squirmed, trying to get out of her grip. "Don't bother," she told it. "I'm a Slayer!"
Before Buffy could squeeze the imp in her hand, another came along and cut her on the upper arm causing her to let go of the one in her hand. She looked at the cut on her arm as the imps fly off.
"Buffy," Billie called out as she helped the man to his feet. "We need to get him to a hospital."
Buffy nodded as she rushed to stand beside the man. She and Billie helped him out of the alley.
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
Across the street from the alley stood Agent Murphy watching as Buffy and Billie help the man towards the nearby hospital.
Halliwell Manor
"Oh, come on. It's only for a few hours tomorrow," Piper said as she applied her makeup, "... and Buffy would understand if you came to just help out. You don't have to actually pick any of them up."
"So you would rather I lead the men on?" Paige asked. "Besides wouldn't it be suspicious for someone who is supposed to be seventeen to be at a speed dating thing anyways?"
"Well you can tell them your real age," Piper told her sister. "Not like any of them are going to check anyways."
"Seriously though guys who do that are desperate anyways," Paige argued as she put her hands on her hips and glared at Piper.
Piper sighed. "That's not necessarily true," she objected.
"Oh, yeah," Paige said, she didn't believe that to be true. After all she used to date men before falling in love with Buffy, "then how come you're so nervous about having it at the club?"
Piper sighed. "First it wasn't my idea. It was Dad's idea, as was bingo night. Second, I am safeguarding my daughters' inheritance, by trying to do a little damage control."
"Well, you cancelled that, so cancel this," Paige suggested.
"I can't," Piper told her baby sister. "It's too late. Which is why I need your help. Come on. I need to up the babe quotient a little."
"So you're pimping me out," Paige said.
"What?" Piper asked. "Do you want to be homeless?"
"I wouldn't be homeless," Paige argued. "Joyce would let me move in with her, Dawn and Buffy."
"Well the rest of us don't have that luxury," Piper said. "And since this is our only source of income…"
Paige sighed. "Alright," she said. "Just quit with the guilt trip."
It was at that moment that Leo walked in carrying Chris. "Baby Tylenol?" he asked.
"Top shelf," Piper said. "How is he feeling?"
"Ah, the fever's going down," Leo said. "I'm going to put him down early."
"How's Wyatt?" Piper asked as Leo headed into the nursery.
"Oh, you know ... doing better," Leo answered. "You know, I think he should stay at your dad's another day or so, just to be on the safe side." He came out of the nursery and passed Phoebe as his way out of the room.
"Hey, can I borrow a suitcase?" Phoebe asked.
"Closet." Piper said with a wave of her hand.
"So, is Julie going to be helping with the speed dating?" Paige asked as Piper sat on the bed.
"Nope. I'm ovulating," Phoebe answered.
"What?" Piper said surprised that Phoebe said that.
"You know, eggs, fertility, baby making?" Phoebe reminded her older sister.
"Yeah, we got it," Paige said. "We know what ovulating is, thank you."
"Well, I'm supposed to get pregnant by Dex, right?" Phoebe reminded her sisters as she walked into Piper's closet to get the suitcase. "What better place to try than Napa?"
"Uh, I thought your premonition was about you getting married to Dex," Paige called after Phoebe.
"Well, one step at a time," Phoebe answered. "At least, that's what my star chart keeps saying. I got to get to work." She emerged from the closet, the suitcase in tow behind her.
"Work?" Paige said. "What happened to love?"
"No time for that. Destiny calls," Phoebe answered as she walked out of the room.
Paige let a sigh. "Is that what we've been reduced to? Loveless sex ... pimping?"
"Well in your case no sex and pimping," Piper said with a smirk just as Buffy walked by her bedroom door. "Buffy!"
"Yeah, mom?" Buffy said as she came into the room. "Just the girl I was looking for. How would you like to help your mom out?"
"Piper!" Paige said as she moved between her girlfriend and her sister. "Buffy isn't even old enough to vote let alone drink or anything else."
"Is this about the speed dating thing?" Buffy asked looking between the two. "I would, mom. But Paige is right I don't even turn seventeen for two more months. Besides I would feel like I was cheating on my girlfriend anyways."
"Why didn't I think of that," Paige groaned. She then turned toward her girlfriend. "So, how did the surveillance go?"
"Sadly, no surveillance," Buffy answered as the doorbell rang. They watched as Billie ran past the door heading downstairs to answer the doorbell. "I was forced into saving an innocent."
That was when Paige noticed a bandage peeking out from under her girlfriend's sleeve. "Your hurt!" Paige said.
"Yeah, one of them got me," Buffy sighed.
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
Downstairs Billie opened the door and found Agent Murphy standing outside. "Hi," he said.
"Hi," Billie returned. "Can I help you?"
"Yeah, I think you can. Agent Murphy, Homeland Security," he said as he showed her his ID. You, Buffy Summers-Wyatt and I need to talk."
"Buffy!" Billie called out.
"I'm in the middle of something!" Buffy called back.
"There is a FBI guy down here who wants to talk to us," Billie called up the stairs.
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
Buffy looked at Paige who held her hand over Buffy's wound. "Better hurry up, Paige," Buffy said. "Once Billie and I get rid of him then we'll fill you in."
Paige nodded as she finished healing Buffy's arm.
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
"I've been following you and Buffy, Billie ... for a while now," Agent Murphy said as Buffy came down the stairs.
"Why?" Buffy said as she moved beside Billie.
"I think you both know why," he told them.
"If either of us knew why, Buffy wouldn't have asked why, would she?" Billie retorted.
"Cute," he said as he smiled at them. "Look, I'm just trying to solve a mystery here, in the process, you know, maybe save a few innocent lives, but I'm going to need your help to do that. I'm going to need you to come clean about ... the Halliwell sisters. And what it is that brought you here, Billie."
"My mom and her sisters are dead, Agent Murphy," Buffy said. "And Billie is a house guest. Grandpa Victor asked if I would like to rent out the rooms so the house doesn't sit empty. I told him, yes. After all mom's estate still has to pay taxes on the house so I, Wyatt and Chris don't lose our inheritance."
Agent Murphy looked at Buffy as if he didn't quite believe everything she said. He handed her his card. "Call anytime. Call. Soon." He turned and left as Buffy closed the door behind him.
"Who was that?" Piper asked. Billie and Buffy turned and saw her, Phoebe and Paige coming down the stairs.
"Homeland Security," Buffy answered.
"That guy you told us about that's been hounding you, Joyce and Dawn in Sunnydale?" Phoebe asked.
"The very one," Buffy said. "Apparently I am not the only one. Apparently he's been following Billie and I or having us followed."
"Why?" Paige asked suddenly worried for her girlfriend.
"Just now he was asking about you guys and why Billie was here," Buffy answered. "I gave him the story that your estate is renting out the Manor, mom. I don't think he bought it."
"Great. Just great," Phoebe said.
"Did you see him at the hospital?" Paige asked.
"No," Buffy answered. "He could have been there for the same reason we were and we didn't see him."
"Which means," Piper said with a sigh. "He could have seen you use your powers."
"Possibly," Buffy said. "I did the fighting while I had Billie check on the innocent. So, he could have seen me orbing imps."
"Imps?" Piper asked.
"According to the Book, imps are these gremlin-like creatures, but way nastier," Billie explained.
"I know what imps are," Piper snapped.
"If he saw Buffy use magic, we and her are screwed," Phoebe said.
"First Phoebe, he can't prove you are alive," Buffy said. "After all only family can see the real you, remember?" She looked at Billie. "Isn't that right?"
Billie nodded. "I only see your aliases, so would he."
"The problem is he might have seen you two together," Piper said. "And he knows Buffy is connected to us. Which means he likely thinks you are connected to us, Billie." She looked at Paige. "You shouldn't have sent them out, especially if he's following them."
"They were only supposed to go and ID the demon," Paige said.
"And you know me. I'm a Slayer. Its in my blood to help people," Buffy argued. "When the innocent screamed for help it was enough to force me into action."
Piper sighed as she looked at her daughter.
"Besides we did ID the demon," Billie added. "Look, imps have an imp master, so if we attack the imp master, we can…."
"No, Billie," Piper said. "They're guns for hire. They could be working for any demon."
"That's what I'm saying," Billie explained. "We get the Imp Master so he can tell us exactly where they are."
"No." Phoebe said. "We're not going to do anything."
"But I think…."
"No buts," Piper said. "If they're you and Buffy, that means they're watching us, which means we need to be careful."
"So, what are we supposed to do?" Paige asked.
"We just act normally and live our lives and hopefully he'll go away, sooner or later." Piper looked at Paige. "We'll go to P3 tomorrow just like we planned and…."
"I'll go with you," Buffy added as Paige and Piper looked at her. "I'm too young for the speed dating thing. But I can pretend I am there as P3 is part of my inheritance and I can make sure everything goes smoothly."
"Good idea," agreed Piper. She turned to look at Phoebe. "And you'll go to Napa with Dex."
"Well, I can't go now," Phoebe said.
"Why?" Piper said. "He's going to be here in a few minutes."
"Well, let's just say I'm not in the mood anymore. This ruse isn't really working very well, is it?" Phoebe said. She noticed that Buffy and Paige glanced at each other.
"Well, maybe we need to give it a little more time," Piper said.
"You guys, I'm so sorry," Billie said.
"It's ok, sweetie. It's not your fault." Paige said as Phoebe turned and left. She glanced at her girlfriend again. "So much for happily ever after."
"We'll get there, baby," Buffy said as she leaned in and kissed Paige.
P3
Piper hit the bell sitting on the bar counter several times. She turned and said to the DJ, "Hi. Listen, top forty only. Really, one power ballad, and you'll never DJ in this state again. Seriously."
Buffy smiled apologetically at the DJ. "Jenny is hardcore for this."
Piper turned and walked around P3 followed by Buffy. She called over one of the workers, "Hi. You. Come here, come here, come here," she said. "Table 8. Water spots on the glass. Please fix it, fix it, fix it." The worker headed over to table 8. "Jeff, did you do the final sound check?"
"Yes," Jeff called back. "I sure did."
Buffy sighed as she followed Piper over to the bar. "Mom, you need to relax just a little bit."
"I'll have plenty of time to relax when this thing tanks," Piper told her daughter.
"Why are you worried?" Buffy asked. "This is not going to tank."
"You know me, sweetie, it's what I do best, ok? Dave, where are the mints? We need mints on the table if we're going to matchmake here." Someone handed Dave the mints. "Thank you. People, help me out." Piper spotted Paige walking into P3. "Ok, so listen, be nice and try not to blow anyone off until at least the second round."
"I'm here, aren't I?" Paige said with a glance at Buffy.
"It's okay, baby," Buffy said as she kissed Paige. "Knock 'em dead."
"Okay." Piper looked at the bouncer at the door. "All right, let 'em in."
Buffy took a seat on a barstool to watch the speed daters walk into the club. A particularly geeky looking young man came down the stairs. He looked at Paige and Piper and smiled. Paige and Piper both smiled back at him. The young man's smile got bigger as he went to find a seat.
"You so owe me and Buffy," Paige groaned.
Halliwell Manor
Phoebe, who wore a white wedding gown stood with Dex, who wore a tux, on the front porch kissing. "I love you, Mrs. Lawson," he said.
"Oh, say it again," Phoebe giggled.
"Mrs. Lawson," he repeated before kissing Phoebe.
"I love it," Phoebe said as she unlocked the front door.
"Uh – wait," Dex said. "I have to carry my bride across the threshold, don't I?"
"Ooh!" Phoebe said eagerly as he picked her up in his arms and carried her across the threshold.
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
Billie stood in front of the Book of Shadows taking notes as Phoebe stormed into the attic.
"What did you do to me?" Phoebe asked as Billie's eyes widened when she saw Phoebe's wedding gown.
P3
Buffy looked at the stop watch and saw time was up. She stopped the stopwatch and hit the bell as the male daters stood and changed tables. As Buffy started the stop watch again she looked around. It all looked to be running smoothly. Then she noticed the next guy who sat next to Paige.
Buffy handed the stopwatch to Dave and stood up.
"Where are you going?" Piper asked.
"Just a little eavesdropping," Buffy said as she moved toward Paige. When she was close enough to pick up the conversation with her Slayer enhanced hearing she stopped.
"Tell me, was your dad a thief?" the guy at Paige's table said.
"No," Paige said with a glance at Buffy before returning her attention back to the guy. "Why?"
"'Cause he stole the stars and put 'em in your eyes."
Buffy was relieved when she heard Dave ring the bell. "Sorry," she mouthed to Paige.
"It's alright, baby," Paige mouthed back as another guy sat down across from her.
"Yo, if I could rearrange the letter of the alphabet, you and I ... would be together. Uhh!" he said.
Paige glanced at Buffy and shook her head. Then she smiled. There had been no cheesy come on lines. They both had simply known they were the one for each other. She looked back at the guy just as the bell rang again.
Buffy moved and sat down as a guy approached. "Sorry, this one is taken for this round. She looked like she needed a break." He nodded and walked off as she turned to her girlfriend.
Paige sighed. "Your right," she said. "I know what we have is real, Buffy. But still this all is a little overwhelming."
"Well you got a minute or so to sit this one out," Buffy said.
"Why don't we just do it, pretend it's the first time we've met," Paige suggested.
Buffy smiled. "Hi, I'm Buffy Summers-Wyatt."
"Paige Matthews," Paige said making sure no one other than Buffy heard her use her real name. She stuck out her hand and Buffy shook it.
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
Over at the bar, Piper was working on her laptop as Nick took a seat next to her. "Hey. I'm Nick," he said.
"Hi. I'm married," Piper answered.
"Yeah, I know. I read your bio, Jenny," Nick told her. "I work for 415 Magazine, and I came here to do a piece on failing clubs, but apparently, I'm in the wrong place." He chuckled.
"Oh, yeah?" Piper said looking up at him.
"Yeah, yeah. It seems you made speed dating cool," he said. "And that's news. So I'd like to figure out how you did it. What do you say I interview you around six o'clock tonight?"
"Uh ... six?" Piper hesitated. "Uh - yeah. Sure."
"See you then," Nick said as he stood and walked off.
It was at that moment that Piper's phone rang. "Hello?" she said. She listened as Phoebe told her about the spell Billie had cast that caused Phoebe to marry Dex. "Billie, did what?!"
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
"So new school," Buffy said with a shrug. "It was hard at first."
It was at that moment that Piper walked over leaning between the two of them. "First you do know this is supposed to be guy to girl, right?"
"Can we talk about discrimination?" Buffy suggested.
"I know… I know," Piper sighed as she looked at her daughter. "Anyways I just got a call, and, uh, we need to go home."
"Yeah, well, now's not really a great time," Paige said having not taken her eyes off of Buffy. "I'm thinking my current match might be the perfect person."
Buffy smiled. "Why thank you, baby," she said.
"You two need to flirt later," Piper said. "It's a family emergency.
Paige glanced at her sister. "With the exception of Buffy, Dawn and Joyce. I thought we were done with those."
Piper sighed. "Well, apparently not," she said.
"Fine. You take this one," Paige ordered her sister. "Buffy and I'll take the next."
"Jenny," Buffy said noticing that people were beginning to look at them. "Jo did you a favor by letting you drag her to this. Now my wonderful girlfriend and I are going to sit right here and enjoy flirting. We've not had a date that hasn't gotten interrupted by something in a while. Be nice if we can finish this one."
Piper sighed. "Fine. Be that way," she said as she stormed off.
Paige smiled as she turned back to Buffy. "Where were we?"
Unnoticed by Piper, Paige or Buffy they had been watched by Agent Murphy.