Chapter 49: Ted Part 1

Halliwell Manor

Paige stood pacing in front of Piper and Leo trying to gather her nerve.

"Paige, spit it out," Piper said as she looked at her baby sister.

Paige let out a sigh as she turned and looked at her sister and brother-in-law. Who if everything went alright might eventually become her mother-in-law and father-in-law as well. "It's not something that is going to be easy. And you both might suggest I wait another year."

"Just spit it out, Paige," Piper repeated as she began to get frustrated.

"I want to marry, Buffy," Paige blurted out.

"Well you can do that in another year," Leo said. "Assuming she says yes anyways."

"The problem is this, Leo," Paige said looking directly at her brother-in-law. "What happens if the death that the seer foresaw happens tomorrow. And I'm unable to prevent it. Then I will go the rest of my life with the regret that I was unable to finally be with her. She already died once, remember? If the last couple months have taught me anything its that I don't want to put my relationship on hold anymore. I want to be married to Buffy now, not two years from now."

Piper let out a sigh as she stood and walked over to her sister. "If it means that much to you, you have of course my permission," she said. "But before you rush into this. Think of the consequences. People are going to see that Buffy is still a minor, even if you wait two months till she is seventeen. That means they are going to be judgmental and not understand the complexities of your relationship."

"Piper is right, Paige," Leo agreed. "While we know you two are destined, that you are each other's reward and are truly in love with each other. The outside world isn't going to get that."

"Believe me I know," Paige said as she looked at her sister and brother-in-law. "But we wouldn't have to sneak around anymore either. "I thought about this after we 'came back'. This is something I have to do. So please, Leo, give me your permission."

Leo sighed as he looked at his sister-in-law. "Are you sure about this, Paige? I truly have no problems with you being my daughter-in-law. But again, I must stress it is not us you have to worry about, either. It's them out there in the world. They are the ones who will be judging you for marrying a seventeen-year-old, assuming you wait till after she turns seventeen."

"I am sure, Leo," Paige answered.

"Then you have my permission," Leo said.

Paige smiled. "Good, now I just have to ask Joyce."

Revello Drive, Sunnydale

Dawn, Buffy, Xander, and Willow walked along the street towards Buffy and Dawn's house. Xander and Willow were having a heated discussion which Dawn and Buffy were ignoring.

"Well, that was her genius. He didn't even know he was playing second fiddle." Xander turned to Buffy. "Buffy. Dawn."

"Huh?" Buffy and Dawn said simultaneously.

"Who do you think was the real power – the Captain or Tenille?"

Buffy and Dawn glanced at each other confused. "Uh, who are these people?" Buffy asked.

"The Captain and Tenille?" Xander got that look he got when people didn't understand his pop culture references. "Boy, someone was sure raised in a culture-free environment."

Dawn sighed. "We're sorry. We were just –"

"– thinking?" Willow completed.

"No," Buffy said. "Not thinking. Having a lot of happy non-thoughts."

"Yeah, with Spike and Drusilla out of the way and with Piper, Phoebe and Paige back from the dead. We've really been riding the mellow…" Xander got a guilty look on his face, "…and I'm really jinxing the hell out of us by saying that."

"Seriously though," said Dawn. "The last few days has been hectic. Even though our parts were played down thankfully. We still have had reporters hounding us for our stories."

Buffy pulled out her keys as they arrived at her door. She put the key into the lock and the door swung open. She and Dawn glanced at each other. They knew that a door ajar at night was a bad sign. "Wait here," She warned their friends as they stepped inside, stakes in hand. "You go through the dining room. I will go through the kitchen. Once we clear this floor then we'll move upstairs."

"Agreed," Dawn said as she turned and headed into the dining room while Buffy moved the other way into the living room.

From the kitchen, they heard their Joyce cry, "No!" followed by a crash. They rushed into the kitchen, and saw a horrific sight. Their mother was wrapped in a deep kiss with a big, slightly portly man neither Buffy or Dawn had ever seen before. There was a bottle of wine on the counter.

They broke the kiss. Joyce stepped away from the man as Buffy and Dawn hid the stakes behind their backs.

"We thought we heard…" Buffy started.

"I broke a wine glass," Joyce explained. "You two are home early."

"Hi," the man said.

"Hi," Buffy and Dawn replied.

"Oh, uh, these are my daughters, Dawn and Buffy," Joyce hastily introduced her daughters. "Dawn, Buffy, this is… Ted."

0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0

Buffy leaned against the refrigerator as she and Dawn talked with their mom. "So, all these late nights at the gallery, I gather you were cataloguing more than art," Buffy asked.

Joyce smiled. "Well… I've been looking for the right moment to introduce you two. He's a wonderful man."

Neither sister returned the smile. "How'd you meet?" Dawn asked.

"Oh, he sells computer software. He revamped my entire system at the gallery. Freed up a lot of my free time."

"To meet new people," Buffy said. "And smooch them in our kitchen."

"You weren't supposed to see that," Joyce admitted. "Anymore than I would want to see you and Paige."

"How long have you been seeing each other?" Buffy asked.

"Oh…" Joyce looked up as she tried to remember "…about two months."

The sisters looked at each other and wondered if Paige knew about this.

Across the kitchen Xander devoured a mini-pizza as Ted pulled more from the oven and put them in a pan.

"I like my new nine-gig hard drive..." Willow said.

"But you don't love it, cause without the DMA upgrades your computer's really only half a rocket ship," Ted said as he smiled at Willow.

Willow sighed. "Yeah. But who can afford the upgrades?"

"You can. I get the demos for free," he explained. "I don't see why I shouldn't give them to you for the same price." He fished his business card out of his pocket and handed it to her. "Any friend of Buffy and Dawn's..." Willow's eyes light up and she made a high squeaking sound. "What?" he asked confused at the noise.

"That's the sound she makes when she's speechless with geeker joy," Xander said as he talked with his mouth full. "Can I just say this is the finest pizza ever on God's green earth. What's your secret?"

Ted smiled as he turned back to the pan, he took it and brought over to the island, dumping the pizzas on a plate. "After you bake it you fry it in herbs and olive oil. And you got to use a cast iron skillet. No room for compromise there."

"You got to market these. I mean people would pay like two, three hundred dollars apiece," Xander said.

Ted smiled as he dished up a couple more of the pizzas and carried them over to Joyce, Buffy and Dawn. "Hungry?" he asked the sisters.

"No thanks," Buffy and Dawn said simultaneously.

Ted nodded as he set the plate down. "Buffy, Dawn, I want to apologize. That wasn't how I wanted us to meet. I wanted it to be...perfect. I'm very fond of your mother, I guess that's pretty obvious..." He picked up a framed photo of the sisters with Joyce off the kitchen counter. "...I know you two are the most important things in her life and, well, gosh that makes you pretty important to me, too."

"I really want you both to be okay with this," Joyce said as she pleaded with her daughters.

"Beg to differ..." Ted said as he wrapped an arm around Joyce. "...we really want you to be okay with this."

"I'm okay," Dawn and Buffy said simultaneously.

"You both are?" Joyce asked hopeful.

"I am," Buffy and Dawn said as they smiled at their mother.

Sunnydale City Park

A vampire smashed into a picnic table. Dawn didn't let up her assault as Buffy and Paige watched. Picking up a trash can lid, she whacked him hard in the head. There was no method to her attack, just pure fury.

After Dawn finally staked him, she came over to her sister and Paige. "Any more?" she asked.

"Well, for their sakes, I certainly hope not," Paige admitted.

"What? Buffy and I kill vampires, it's part of our job," Dawn reminded her Whitelighter.

"She kind of has a point there, Paige," Buffy agreed.

"True, though neither of you usually beat them up so much beforehand." Paige shrugged, as Dawn sat down beside her and Buffy. "Is everything all right at home?"

"What are you talking about?" Buffy asked.

"I'm not only your girlfriend, Buffy, but your Whitelighter. I can sense when something isn't right, remember," Paige said.

Dawn and Buffy sighed. "It's Ted," they said.

"Ted?" Paige asked clearly confused.

"This guy, sells computer software. Apparently, Mom's been seeing him for a while now," Dawn explained. "Buffy and I walked into their makeout session about an hour ago."

"Oh," Paige said in understanding. She remembered a few times she had walked in on her adopted parents making out. "I understand. But think for a second, both of you. How is that any different than my dating you, Buffy."

Dawn and Buffy nodded. "You're right," Buffy said. "Doesn't mean Dawn and I have to like it. It's just, we have so much to deal with. With him around it's going to harder to keep being a witch, a Slayer, a Whitelighter and the Guardian of Pandora's Box a secret you know."

"Buffy's right," Dawn agreed.

"I understand that," Paige said. "But doesn't your mom deserve what Buffy and I have, Dawn?" She then looked at her girlfriend. "Buffy?"

Buffy gave her a girlfriend a sheepish look. "Oh, sure, if you're gonna use wisdom…"

Paige smiled at her. "Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is."

The sisters sighed, knowing Paige was right. "OK, fine, Mom needs a guy," Dawn said. "Does it have to be Ted?"

"Do either of You have somebody else in mind?" Paige asked. "There a guy out there who would satisfy the two of you?"

"Well… either Dad… Okay," Buffy said. "But Dawn and I know neither are going to happen. Dad is married to Piper and Hank and mom simply fell out of love."

"We'll give Ted a chance," Dawn said as Buffy reluctantly agreed. "We'll smile and curtsey and be the dutiful daughters." She smirked. "Does it mean we have to like him?"

"Of course not," Paige said. "In fact, personally I would say make him work for your approval."

"Are you saying that as our Whitelighter or my concerned girlfriend?" Buffy asked.

"A little of both," Paige admitted. "As yours and your mom's Whitelighter and your girlfriend. As your Whitelighter. We do have to make sure he's not a warlock to steal your powers. After all it wouldn't be the first time a warlock started a relationship with a witch to get her powers."

"You know this from personal experience?" Dawn asked.

"Actually no," Paige said. "Piper did though. When Prue, Piper and Phoebe came into their powers, Piper had been dating a warlock, of course she didn't know he was a warlock till after of course."

"So, what about my girlfriend?" Buffy asked. "How does she stand."

"As your concerned girlfriend and, Dawn, as your concerned friend," Paige said. "I say take it one day at a time. After all he is trying to take the place of your fathers. You make him work for that approval. It shouldn't come easy. After all anyone who loves your mom much also love and get along with the two of you, because you both are important parts of her life."

"Thanks," Dawn and Buffy said.

Sunnydale High

"Willow, if you say one more word about it, things will become dire," Buffy warned as she headed for the lounge with Dawn, Willow and Xander.

"You both don't like him," Willow observed. She had been geeking out over the upgrades Ted had promised her, and the sisters were not happy about it.

"We don't know him." Dawn scowled. "I mean, so far all we see is someone who apparently has a good job, seems nice and polite, our mom really likes him…"

"What kind of a monster is he?" Xander said in a dramatic voice.

Dawn glared at him before continuing. "I'm telling you, there's just something a little too clean about this clown."

"He's a clean clown!" Willow squealed. At their looks: "I have my own fun…"

"Buff, Dawn, you two are lacking evidence," Xander returned to a more serious tone. "I think we're getting into Sigmund Freud territory."

"He has a point," Willow jumped on this new tack. "Separation anxiety, the mother figure being taken away, conflict with the father figure…"

"He is not our father figure!" Buffy fired back. In truth, Willow knew that Buffy's father, Leo, was much more of a father to both girls than Ted – or Dawn's father, Hank.

"Having issues much?" Xander replied.

"We are not!" Dawn snarled.

Xander pointed and did a little dance: "You two are having parental issues, you two are having parental issues…" he stopped after seeing their looks. "What? Freud would have said the exact same thing. Except he might not have done that little dance."

Buffy stopped to get a drink from the soda machine. "I admit it's weird – seeing our mother Frenching a guy is definitely a ticket to therapyland. But it's more than that. Dawn and I are pretty good at sensing what's going on around us…"

Willow noticed Ted out of the corner of her eye, coming up behind the sisters.

"…and we know that something's wrong with this Ted."

"Ted!" Xander called.

"Of course, Ted. Who did you think Buffy was talking about?" Dawn said with a glance at Buffy who was just as confused as she was.

"Hi, Ted! Ted who's here," Xander pointed out. The sisters spun around, shocked to see their mother's boyfriend at the school.

"Hi, kids!" Ted greeted them.

"What are you doing here?" Buffy asked.

"I'm updating the software in the guidance office, which reminds me…" He pulled a disc out of his shirt and handed it to Willow. "…your upgrades."

"Ohh, what a day! Thank you," Willow said excitedly.

"Think nothing of it. Buffy, Dawn, you two like miniature golf?" Ted asked the girls.

"Who doesn't?" Xander said before Buffy or Dawn could answer.

"Your mother and I were thinking, maybe this Saturday we could drag the four of you out to the course?" Ted suggested. "Spend some time swinging the iron with the stuffy old people?"

"Well, I guess..." Buffy and Dawn said as they looked at each other.

"I'm making a picnic basic..." Ted said to sweeten the deal.

"Mini-pizzas?" Xander asked hopeful.

"And cookies," Ted added.

"You know, Buffy and I wish we could but Saturday we have that thing," Dawn said.

"Oh, that thing," Willow said catching on to what Dawn was meaning. She nudged Xander. "That thing."

"Hey, we can do that thing anytime. I'm tired of that thing. We're on!" Xander said as Ted smiled.

0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0

"Morning, Giles," Paige said as he walked into the library.

"Morning, Paige," Giles returned. "I see the school board gave you back your job."

"Yeah, they were like normally they wouldn't. But since I was quote unquote helping with a federal investigation," Paige shrugged.

"You must be ready to return something normal," Giles admitted.

"After that circus last week, you better believe it," Paige said. "Giles, I… I talked to Buffy and Dawn last night. There is a new man in Joyce's life."

"I know," Giles said with a sigh. "I heard all about it during their training session before school."

"I told them that he needs to work for their approval," Paige explained. "But I think the level of distrust goes beyond just the fact that he is dating Joyce. I kind of got the impression they almost viewed him as actually being evil."

"I got that feeling as well," Giles said as he sat on the corner of the library table. "We of course will need to keep an eye on him. After all he could be a warlock after their powers. That said though. It could simply be a new person taking their mother's attention from them."

Halliwell Manor

Buffy had orbed to San Francisco and now sat with Leo, her head resting in her hands. "So, Mom's like, Do you think Ted will like this and, That's Ted's favorite show, and Ted's teaching me computers and Ted said the funniest thing, and I'm like, That's great, Mom. And then she said I was being sarcastic, which I was, but I'm sorry if I don't want to talk about Ted all the time," Buffy said as she finally took a breath.

"Buffy," Leo said as he placed a comforting hand on his daughter's arm.

"I'm sorry, dad," Buffy sighed. "It's just, I have so much to deal with. From being a witch, Slayer, Whitelighter and Guardian of Pandora's Box. To the circus that is currently our lives with the reveal last week. I just don't need some new guy in my life right now."

"No, but maybe Joyce does," Leo offered.

Buffy looked a little sheepish at her father. "Oh, sure, dad, if you're gonna use wisdom..." she said mock-sullenly.

Leo smiled. "Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is."

"Paige said the same thing," Buffy sighed.

"Who do you think she learned that saying from?" Leo said as Buffy smiled at him.

Buffy let out a sigh. "Okay, fine, so Mom needs a guy. Why does it have to be Ted?"

"Buffy," Leo said. "I'm married to Piper. Hank is mostly out of the picture. Would you rather you mother be alone for the rest of her life? Sure, it may not be with Ted, only time will tell with that. But she does to be happy."

"Okay," Buffy said as she looked at her father. "I'll give Ted a chance. And I will ask that Dawn does as well. We'll play mini golf. we'll smile and curtsey and be the dutiful daughters." She then looked at her father. "Do I have to like him?"

"No," Leo said. "Just because I want to see your mother happy. Doesn't mean I want it to be at the expense of your own happiness. You are my daughter after all."

Sunnydale Miniature Golf Course

"The dreaded five-par cuckoo clock," Xander spoke with dramatic flair as he took his shot. "So many have come. So, few have conquered."

"That picnic was delicious," Joyce said. "You know how rare it is to find a man who cooks?"

Ted laughed. "I know I've been looking a long time for one." He then chose that moment to ask one of those perfectly normal questions that Buffy couldn't answer one hundred percent truthfully. "So, Buffy, Dawn, I'm sure boys are lined up around the block trying to get a date with you."

"I'm gay. My girlfriend lives out of town," Buffy answered making up a half truth. She couldn't of course tell him that Paige was ten years older than her. Or how they had met. But she could at least give him part of the truth.

"What about you, Dawn?" he asked.

"No, no one," Dawn shrugged.

"So then there is nothing to distract either of you from your studies then," Ted said as he lined up his shot. Which means both of your grades will be picking up soon."

"Our grades?" Dawn said as she looked at her mother. "How does he know about our grades?"

Joyce leaned in and whispered to her daughters. "I gave him a half truth. Told him you both had been having some issues. He doesn't know about… you know what taking up some of your study time." She looked up in time to see Ted hit the ball. "Nice shot, Ted!"

"Thanks, Joycee," he replied. Joyce lined up her shot, and Ted held her arms from behind. "Steady swing, lead to the right. Perfect," he commented as they took the shot together.

"Thanks to you," Joyce smiled as Ted chuckled.

Buffy lined up her shot next.

"Eye on the ball… watch those elbows…" Ted instructed.

Buffy applied a little too much Slayer strength (which might have been an advantage in regular golf), and sent her ball into the bushes.

"Bad luck, little lady," Ted commented.

"We won't count it," Joyce shook her head.

"We won't?" Ted looked at her.

"Well, it's just miniature golf."

Ted got a serious expression on his face. "It is, but the rules are the rules. What we teach her and Dawn is what they take out into the world when we're not there, whether it's at school or an unchaperoned party…" He smiled at the sisters. "I don't mean to overstep my bounds; this is between you two and your mother. I just think right is right."

The sisters looked at their mother for support.

"He has a point…" Joyce said.

"Buffy," Dawn whispered into her sister's ear. "Pretend to play along. Then when you get your ball. Call out you hit a whole in two. I want to see his reaction."

"Yah, I'll just go hit from the rough." Buffy disappeared into the bushes as Dawn took her shot and it too went into the bushes.

"Oops," she said. "I guess I will do the same." She disappeared into the bushes. She found her sister waiting with her ball in hand. "Go ahead," she whispered.

Buffy nodded as she looked around to see if he was watching. She then dropped the ball near the hole and kicked it in. "Hey, how 'bout that, I got a hole in two!" she called back over her shoulder.

"Beg to differ," Ted said from right next to Buffy.

"Okay, how did he get that close without me noticing?" Buffy thought to herself. She then said out loud. "Okay, so fine my score or whatever…"

"I think you're missing the point here, little lady. Right is right. Wrong is wrong. Why don't people see that?" Ted said as he tapped his golf club against his shoe.

"It's just a game," Dawn said as she stepped out of the bushes to stand next to her sister.

"Right. It's just a game. Do your own thing. Well I'm not wired that way. I'm here to tell you it is not a game, it does count, and I don't stand for that kind of malarkey in my house," Ted said starting to seriously creep the sisters out.

"Then I guess it's a good thing Dawn and I are not in your house," Buffy retorted.

"Do you want me to slap that smartass mouth of yours?"

Buffy's adrenaline spiked. She gripped the golf club tighter. If he laid a hand on her or Dawn, she intended to show him the error of his ways.

Joyce, Willow, and Xander came into view. Ted instantly reverted to his friendly self.

"Who's up for dessert?" he asked turning to face Joyce, Willow and Xander as he pulled out a bag of cookies. "I made chocolate chip cookies."

"Yum, me!" Xander said happily.

"Cookies," Willow added excitedly.

"I made too many, so you guys are gonna have to take some home..." he said as the sisters took a step back, watching him as some of the people they care for gather innocently around him for cookies.

"Oh, you two have to try one of these, Buffy, Dawn, they're really good," Joyce said as the sisters narrowed their eyes. Something was definitely wrong.