Chapter 52: Kill Billie Vol. 1
Halliwell Manor
Piper was working at the kitchen table carving a large pumpkin. Lined over the table was the issue of The Bay Mirror with the headline "What's the Big Secret?" with a photo of the Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Buffy and Dawn gracing the front page. On the newspaper was the guts of the pumpkin. Piper had a hand-held electric knife and was using it to carve the pumpkin.
Buffy walked in with Paige. "Geez, mom! What'd that pumpkin ever do to you?"
"Nothing. I'm venting." Piper said. The phone rang and Paige automatically headed over to the phone to answer it, but Piper stopped her. "No. Don't get that. It could be Oprah's people again. They want to do a special on lady spies."
"Lady spies?" Paige asked.
"You heard me, and some producer's been calling for the movie rights to our cover story."
"It's been the same way at home. Mom even had the phone off the hook whenever Ted was over so as not to alert him…it…you know what I mean," Buffy sighed. "You would think two weeks and they would get over it."
"I guess it's better than TV, right?" Paige asked.
"Trust me. We won't be doing TV either," Piper said.
"Well, it's, uh…. it's a little late for that, actually."
Before Paige could explain, Billie walked in. "Little late for what?" she asked.
"What are you doing here?" Buffy wondered.
"Could have asked you the same…" Billie responded.
"Actually, I have a reason for coming by," Buffy said as she held out the hand that sported the engagement ring toward Piper.
Piper glanced toward Buffy's hand as she yelled for her husband. "Leo!"
Leo came running from another part of the house. "What?" he asked.
"Look at what's on Buffy's finger," Piper said excitedly.
Buffy spun and showed her father her hand.
Leo smiled as he hugged Buffy. "Congratulations, sweetie. I'm happy for you."
"You know, we really need to do something about this." Piper said motioning toward the paper. "Especially if we're going to have a wedding soon!"
"It's going to blow over," Leo said.
"Really? It's been two weeks. Does this look like it's blowing over?" Piper reached over and pointed to The Bay Mirror newspaper front page story on them.
Paige walked over to the table and sat down. "Eww."
"It's a good picture." Billie said as Piper glared at her. "Well, it is."
"Ok." Buffy said. "This isn't about our secrets. They're just trying to figure out what we're all doing with Homeland Security, and you know what? They're not going to find out anything."
"Well, they're going to keep looking until they find something, and that something could easily turn into a witch hunt," Piper said.
"Oh, speaking of hunting…." Billie started.
"Nothing is going to happen, mom," Buffy said, not hearing Billie.
"Really? Cause something happened to your aunt. Remember the story we told you and Dawn about Prue?" Piper asked her daughter. Buffy sighed and looked down at her shoes for a moment. "We die to have normal lives. We come back from the dead to get our old lives back, and, somehow, we end up living in a fishbowl." She pointed her knife at her daughter. "You know, Agent Murphy was supposed to protect us from this."
"I'm going to disarm you now, mom," Buffy said as he held out her hand. "Knife!" The knife orbed out of Piper's hands and into her own.
"It's all going to be ok. I promise," Paige said.
"How can you promise that?" Piper asked.
"Well, I'm not entirely sure, but I promise that it's going to be, because you know what? You and Buffy are just going to take care of Halloween, and I am going to deal with getting the press off of our backs, so that Buffy and I can start planning our wedding."
"And I will focus on my demon," Billie said.
"What demon?" Piper asked.
"Just the one I've been tracking. No big deal. I can take him."
"Oh, no. Actually, you're not taking anybody," Paige said.
"No, somebody's got to take him down. He's…. he's killing other demons and gaining power by the day."
"Great. Witch vanquishes demon. Film at 11," Piper groaned.
"Mom, you say that but you didn't seem to worried about me slaying vampires," Buffy said.
"I was worried, Buffy," Piper said as she looked at her daughter. "You get exposed slaying a vampire and guess what it will come back to bite us because they know you are related to us."
"The press doesn't even know who I am," Billie said. "That's why I'm the perfect girl for the job. Plus, I want to do it."
"Why do you want to do it?" Buffy asked.
"So, I can show your mom, your fiancée and Phoebe that I can," Billie answered. "By the way, Buffy, congratulations." She looked at Paige and Piper. "Come on. Please. I know I can do this."
"Fine, but if you get caught on tape, I will vanquish you," Piper said.
Thinking she was joking, Billie laughed, but Piper returned to her pumpkin. "She's serious?"
"She's serious," Buffy said. "Believe me I've been on the receiving end of a few of those conversations myself. So, don't get caught."
The doorbell rang and Paige turned to leave the kitchen. "Trick-or-treaters?"
"A day early?" Buffy asked.
Buffy and Piper headed to answer the door. Piper reached out and opened the door and cameras flashed in her eyes as reporters clamored to ask their questions. Standing in front of the pack was Seth Parra, tape recorder in hand. "Seth Parra, Bay Mirror. So, what's the big secret?"
Piper laughed weakly as she shut the front door. "We're screwed."
Buffy sighed as she pulled out her cell phone and dialed. "Summers, Residence, Dawn Summers-Wyatt speaking," came Dawn's voice from the phone.
"Dawn, it's Buffy," Buffy said. "Are they outside the house?"
"You mean the reporters?" Dawn asked. "Yep. Mom can't even go open the gallery because of them. If she steps outside, they start pestering her. Why are they doing this now? It wasn't this bad last week when… you know."
"Yeah I know," Buffy sighed. "Must have just been picking up steam as the story spread."
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
Buffy and Piper sat at the dining room table separating the Halloween candy into various piles.
"You know, mom, I have to thank you for getting me to come down for Halloween. Snyder wanted me to do the trick or treat thing in Sunnydale. He roped Dawn, Xander and Willow into it. They even have to dress up."
"You're welcome, sweetie," Piper said.
Paige bound down the stairs and stopped when she saw them. "Hey. I think I figured out how to, uh…. what are you doing?"
"We're organizing the candy for tomorrow." Piper said. "We have chocolate, sugar free, and chocolate with nuts."
"Well, isn't part of the fun of Halloween the whole mixed bowl thing?"
"Apparently not anymore," Buffy said.
"I don't want any allergic reactions or angry parents," Piper admitted. "We've got enough problems as it is."
"Speaking of those problems, I think I have figured out how to get the press off of our broomsticks as Joyce, Dawn and Buffy's in Sunnydale." Paige gasped when she saw three rats scampering along the wall. "Holy…. we have rats."
"Yeah, they're everywhere. Get used to 'em. So, what's this big solution?"
"Where did they come from?"
Buffy pointed to each rat in turn. "The San Francisco Chronicle, uh, The Daily News, and The Enquirer. I found them nosing around the garbage."
"Buffy!" Paige said shocked her fiancée had used magic on mortals, especially after what had happened with Ted. "You turned them into rodents?"
"I didn't do it, Paige!" Buffy said shocked that her girlfriend thought she had done it. "I learned my lesson with Ted, baby." She nodded toward Piper. "Mom did it."
"I could've blown them up." Piper said.
Paige shook her head. "Ok. Uh, here's the thing. If we get Phoebe to talk to this reporter who's leading the charge…. luckily, he works at her paper…. we can…."
"How's that going to help?" Buffy asked.
"Because…. if she can convince him that we are completely uninteresting, then hopefully he'll just go away and take all the lemming reporters with him. Both here and in Sunnydale."
"They're more like rats," Piper said.
Buffy sighed. "I wish I'd never said that."
"And I will be the pied piper of Prescott Street, leading them away from the Manor…. Manors." Paige said. "Sadly, Piper, you have to turn them back."
"No!" Piper groaned.
"Mom, she is right," Buffy said.
"You two are no fun." Piper got up and followed the rats into the conservatory. The rats were headed out the door. She threw the potion vial at them. It exploded, sending a cloud of white smoke everywhere. When the smoke dissipated three reporters stood outside the door looking very confused. "What are y'all waiting for? You're trespassing. This is private property. What are you, crazy?"
Bay Mirror Newspaper Offices
Phoebe stared distractedly out the office of her window as Paige vented. "Piper is freaking out," she said. "Can't say I blame her. I do have a wedding to plan."
"Yeah," Phoebe said
"Yeah. The press is rummaging through the trash," Paige said. "Both our phone and Joyce's phone is ringing off the hook. Piper's worried about exposure. And I'm worried what the reporters will think that I am marrying a soon to be seventeen-year-old."
"Hey, do you know if Dex called?" Phoebe asked.
"Dex?" Paige said. "Are you listening to me?"
"Yes," Phoebe said. "I am listening to you. I'm sorry. By the way congratulations on your engagement. Anyways It's just that Dex and I haven't really talked since I told him I was a witch."
"Right. Which brings us back to exposure, okay?" Paige said. "And that brings us back to–"
"I don't even know if he wants to see me again," Phoebe said. " I mean, I wouldn't blame him if he didn't."
Paige sighed. "Ok. Yeah. You're right. Love sucks," she said sarcastically.
"So says the woman getting married," Phoebe said with a roll of her eyes.
"How 'bout bringing the focus just back around a little bit?" Paige suggested.
"Yes. You're right," Phoebe said.
"Ok," Paige said. "So, what we need to do is try to get Seth Parra off of our backs."
Phoebe sighed. "Uh, that's not going to happen."
"Why?" Paige asked.
"Because he is a hardcore journalist, and he's determined to do anything to get back in the big leagues," Phoebe said as she looked at her sister.
"What's his deal?"
"Uh, he used to be at The Times, and he did this big mafia expose and exposed his source in the process," Phoebe explained.
"All right," Paige said as she remembered the expose that Phoebe was talking about. "Wasn't that, like, a call girl? A Carol - Carol –"
Phoebe nodded. "Yeah. Flowers. She got killed because of it, and her death has haunted him ever since."
Paige sighed. "Like Ted haunted Buffy before we found out he was a robot," she said as Phoebe nodded. "But the haunting could be good for us."
"Look, no us, okay, Paige?" Phoebe said. "I just - I can't right now."
Paige shook her head. "Okay, Phoebe, this affects all of us. You, me, Piper, Joyce, Dawn and Buffy. "What exactly is more important than keeping our secret right now?"
"Uh…" Phoebe started as she walked out of the office without answering Paige. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. She needed someone who wouldn't be judgmental. "Buffy?" she said into her phone. "Can you meet me at P3?"
P3
Buffy and Phoebe sat at the bar finishing the salads Buffy had picked up on the way. Buffy wiped her mouth and put her napkin on the bar. "Ok, what's going on?" she asked. "You haven't said more than two words since you got here."
"Uh…." Phoebe put her napkin down and took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."
Buffy blinked and looked at Phoebe. "I mean no offense but you came to me a sixteen going on seventeen in two a half month, who has never been pregnant."
"I just needed some advice and I thought you would be better than Piper or Paige at the moment," Phoebe said.
"I assume, Dex, that guy that Billie made you marry via spell," Buffy said.
"Yes," Phoebe answered.
"Are you sure?" Buffy wondered.
Phoebe nodded. "Yeah. I took the test this morning."
"Have you talked to him yet?" Buffy asked.
Phoebe sighed. "I guess I'm going to have to talk to him, but ... I don't even know if he'll talk to me."
"Want me to force him into a chair and tie him up?" Buffy joked.
Phoebe let out a short burst of laughter. "No. But thanks."
Buffy nodded and took Phoebe's hands. "Look, Phoebe. I know if I was in his situation I would want to know."
Phoebe smiled at Buffy appreciatively. "You are going to be a great wife for Paige and someday when you both are ready; you will be a great mother. Thanks for the ear, Buffy, it means a lot. I'm going to go talk to him."
"Good." Buffy hugged Phoebe tightly. "Call me after, ok?" Phoebe nodded, grabbed her purse, and left.
Halliwell Manor
A large cloud of white smoke rose from the boiling pot on the stove in front of Piper. Phoebe sat across the table from her with Buffy sitting next to her. "'I like you, Phoebe, a lot, but you're a witch, so bye-bye,' you know?" Phoebe said recounting her conversation with Dex. "And that's just a little bit of my bigger problem."
"What did you tell Paige?" Piper asked trying to change the subject. "She's got some hair-brained scheme up her sleeve."
Phoebe didn't hear her and kept talking to Buffy. "You know what? I am a wreck. My boobs feel enormous, and all I want to do is eat all of this candy."
"Have a candy corn. We've got plenty." Buffy said.
"Why does everything have to be so difficult? I mean, why can't it just be easy, like what you and Paige have? And I'm sorry, but what am I supposed to tell Dex? 'Hey, I know you don't want to be with me 'cause I'm a witch, but you know what? I'm pregnant, so tough.'"
"What?" Piper exclaimed. A camera flashed through the window and she walked over to the window and readjusted the curtains. "Vermin! Oh! Uh, uh…. could you repeat that?"
"Wait, I told you, didn't I?" Phoebe asked.
"No, you told me," Buffy reminded Phoebe as Piper looked at her. "She didn't want you or Paige to judge her, mom."
"Forgive me," Phoebe pleaded looking at her big sister. "I'm kind of scatter-brained."
"Well, I'm sorry, it's a little too early for you to use that excuse," Piper said. "Are you sure?"
Phoebe nodded. "I took the test."
"Well, nothing's for sure until you see your doctor and have a blood test," Piper said. "Did you do that?"
Phoebe shook her head. "No, but it all times out, doesn't it?" she asked. "I just don't understand why it can't be with a guy who accepts me for who I am."
"Well, he's obviously scared and confused about who you are." Buffy said. "I remember when Paige told me that I was a witch. I was definitely scared and confused. And now look at me, I'm engaged to the woman I love."
"Buffy's right," Piper agreed. "The only thing you can do is keep trying to talk to him."
"I've tried," Phoebe admitted.
"So, try again," Piper said. "I mean, if he's not going to listen, then you need to write him a letter. He reads your column, doesn't he?"
"Wait. Write him a letter in 'Ask Phoebe'?" Phoebe said surprised she hadn't come up with the idea.
"Yeah! That should get his attention," Piper said. "Drastic times call for drastic measures…"
"And you won't let me hog tie him…" Buffy added.
"You guys need to work this out soon, especially if there's a new baby to think about," Piper concluded.
Billie walked in. "Oh. Hello."
"Hey." Phoebe said.
"What happened to you?" Piper asked.
Billie looked at her bandaged-wrapped hand. "Oh, this? It's nothing. You should see the other guy."
"Did you vanquish him?" Buffy wondered.
"No, but I'm going to. I just have to go get some more potions, so…. bye." Billie walked out of the room. Buffy, Piper, and Phoebe exchanged looks and then followed her.
"What happened to the potions you had?" Piper asked.
"Um, I just didn't have enough of them," Billie answered.
"Why not?" Phoebe asked.
Billie sighed. "Well, I sort of left them."
"Left them with the demons?" Buffy asked.
"You know, it's no big deal," Billie said. "No worries. Rome wasn't built in a day, right?"
Billie turned to go upstairs, but Piper stopped her. "Billie!"
"Tell us what happened." Phoebe said.
"I don't know. I was completely prepared. I researched the demon; I mixed the potions correctly and…. but I just froze." Billie said.
"You froze? What do you mean?" Buffy asked. "Why?"
"I don't know why. It was so weird. It was nothing that he did, but it was like…. it was like déjà vu."
"So, wait, you think you've seen him before?" Piper asked. "How is that possible?"
Billie didn't answer as she stared out in front of her with fear. They followed her gaze to a pumpkin Piper had carved. "What's the matter?" Phoebe asked.
"Oh, nothing. Those things have always creeped me out." Billie said.
"You can fight demons, but you're afraid of pumpkins?" Buffy asked.
"I'm not afraid of pumpkins."
"Ok, you're obviously afraid of something, otherwise you wouldn't have frozen, right?" Piper said. "And it's ok. I mean, it happens to all of us. You just have to figure out why. You know, what triggered it."
"Do you think it's some kind of latent memory?" Phoebe asked.
"Latent memory?" Billie asked.
"Unresolved issue." Piper said. "Look, whatever it is, you gotta figure it out, and until then, you're not fighting any more demons."
"Oh, come on, everyone has baggage."
"Yeah, well, everybody doesn't fight…"
"Mom," Buffy said as Billie headed up the stairs. "Enough. Whatever it is, is truly traumatic." She glanced at Piper. "Remember me just a few days ago."
Piper sighed. "Yeah," she said as she watched her daughter head up the stairs after Billie.
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
Buffy entered the attic to find Billie flipping through the book. "Do you want to talk to someone who has been through similar stuff?"
"Thanks, Buffy," Billie said as she looked at the teenager. "But no." She looked down at the page in the book: To Erase Painful Memories.
Buffy moved beside Billie and looked down at the page. "Are you sure that's what you want to do?"
"Am I sure, no," Billie admitted. "But given what happened. I think I need to."
"Okay," Buffy admitted. "But know if you need to talk…"
"I know where to find you," Billie said as she smiled at Buffy. "You know you remind me of my sister. Her name was Christy."
"I didn't know you had a sister," Buffy said in surprise.
"She was kidnapped when I was young," Billie said. She sighed as she returned her gaze to the book. "After this cruel memory is seen and said. Erase these thoughts from my heart and head."
Buffy watched as a gold glow encased Billie's head for a moment. When Billie looked back at her she smiled. "Time to go kick some ass," Billie said as she headed out of the attic.
Buffy sighed shaking her head as she followed Billie out of the attic.
P3
"Huh. Interesting place to meet," Seth Parra said as he entered the club. "Planning on taking me out, are ya?"
"I'm happily engaged to be married," Paige said
"Yeah. I was speaking metaphorically," he admitted. "So, what's going on? Why did you drag me all the way down here? You going to give me an exclusive or what?"
"No. I brought you here to warn you," Paige said.
"A warning, huh?" he laughed. "Yeah?"
Paige smiled. "Yeah. You might want to, uh, you know, back off on your story."
"Oh, yeah, and why is that?" Seth asked as he narrowed his eyes.
"That would be because we're still working on a case for Homeland Security which is very dangerous and ongoing," Paige lied.
"Really? Tell me about it," he said as he took out a tape recorder and turned it on.
"Some things are more important than your story, some things are best left quiet, and some things are actually for the greater good," Paige told him.
"Yeah. What a load of crap," he said not buying it one bit. "What could possibly be so important, so dangerous, to make the government want to recruit a family? Mmm. I don't buy it. There's more to this, and I'm going to find out what."
"Even if it means hurting innocent people?" Paige asked.
Seth shrugged. "That's not my responsibility."
"Like Carol Flowers wasn't your responsibility?" Paige said as he looked at her. For a split second she flashed into Carol Flowers before returning to normal.
"Screw you," he said as he turned to leave.
"You know, we're never going to talk," Paige called after him.