4
The only thing life leaves behind are memories, you better not forget
In these moments, looking at the stained glass windows she passed, it almost seemed that her life had returned to normal. She wished, but no. That was why she was in Diagon Alley with Hermione Granger.
"Isn't it strange that some things have disappeared and others haven't?" Grange asked.
The streets were deserted, but other than that, everything was just as Pansy remembered it. Or even better, since for the past few years the joy that had been in Diagon Alley had faded. Voldemort's return had caused witches and wizards to avoid leaving their homes for long. They felt paranoid, persecuted, so everyone wanted to go unnoticed. To not pry too much or meet new people, it was best to keep your own close and not touch any unknown magical item. The children stayed with their parents and no one wasted time window shopping if they were not going to buy something. Now, with no one in the world, the streets felt safe again, and the fact that she was going to Ollivander's wand shop brought back Pansy's childhood memories.
"Things? What things do you mean Granger?"
"The people disappeared and so did what they had on them. Isn't it strange? Why did they disappear with their clothes and wands? Shouldn't all their belongings have been on the ground, if their bodies vanished? What exactly is it that no longer exists in the world? Muggles and wizards, animals and creatures, they all disappeared, fine. We could assume that all living things did, but the plants are still here. So specifically we could be talking about souls. That would explain why the people in the paintings are not there. They are not alive, but they encapsulate part of a life, the memories that are recorded in our souls."
"It's not that I think you're wrong, I feel more lost than you in all this mess, but… since when do clothes have a soul?"
"Exactly. Therein lies my confusion. Why are there things that disappeared and others that did not? All things with a soul disappeared, but when I made that quick trip to London I didn't see any cars on the streets. Why? Did they disappear along with the people who were driving them? There are always cars on the streets, more so in London. The logical thing, if souls had disappeared, would be that I would have found lots of empty cars stopped in the middle of the street. Even crashed into each other as they would have been on the move. And why in the Great Hall were there no wands lying around, but there was blood, destroyed tables...? Why are there no random objects here either? This place doesn't even look like it did the last time I visited. Some stores that had closed are here again."
Pansy sighed. Thinking made her head ache. All of this felt impossible to resolve.
"Do the details really matter? As long as we find the spell to reverse this—"
"It's not that simple," Granger muttered. "It's never that simple."
They arrived at the store they were looking for. Above the door it read: 'Ollivanders: Makers of Fine Wands since 382 BC'. As they entered a bell rang throughout the store. It was a small place that had the air of an old library. Pansy looked at the thousands of narrow boxes stored behind the counter, neatly stacked to the ceiling. For some reason, when the door closed behind them, the little hairs on her arms stood up.
"What was your wand like?" Granger asked her. Pansy must have looked genuinely confused because she quickly clarified, "Wood, core…"
"Oh! Uh… Unicorn tail hair, spruce, 9 inches, elastic." Pansy frowned. "Why?"
"Because Ollivander isn't here. Do you feel like reviewing everything or would you prefer to just look for something similar to the old one?"
Pansy looked back at the thousands of boxes in front of her.
"Your plan sounds good."
Granger walked around the counter and into the aisles.
"What kind of order is this?" She complained.
Pansy walked over to Granger and read some of the signs on the lids of the boxes, explaining their contents. She saw three wands with a dragon heart core, then one unicorn, two more dragon… and all the woods were different for each wand. How did Ollivander find what he was looking for? The order seemed random.
"This classification method makes no sense. We can't read all the boxes until we accidentally find what we're looking for!"
Granger was irritated. She began to walk the corridors in a hurry, reading the posters above to try to find the logic. Pansy scratched her head, trying to think. Where in the store did Ollivander find her wand as a child? She left the area of the shelves, returning to the door of the store, to make a visual memory. How did that day go? What happened the day she got her first wand? Pansy looked at the window in the door. She and her mother had come together to buy it...
Most of the children on the street walked several steps ahead of their parents, some didn't even know where their parents were and ran from one sidewalk to the other without concern, but Pansy was never very far from her mother. She was clutching her hand firmly, being led into Mr. Ollivander's wand shop. She would soon be a student at Hogwarts, so she needed to get her first wand. She felt a bit nervous about it, she had a lot of bad experiences with magic.
"Walk faster, darling," her mother said.
Pansy quickened her pace. She was smaller than most kids her age and her mother wasn't a slow walker, so she had a hard time keeping up.
"Once we get your wand I'll buy you a lollipop. Alright? So behave yourself."
Pansy smiled and nodded. When they got to the store her mother gave her a push on the back, making her go in first. The place looked a bit dirty and dingy. This was not how she imagined a wand shop to be. She looked up, seeking her mother's approval. She was smiling, so Pansy relaxed a bit.
"Good afternoon," said a kind voice.
Pansy jumped. Her mother laughed and gave her shoulder a squeeze. An old man stood before them; his eyes were large and pale, sunken into his skull, with purple circles around them. His gray-haired and wrinkled appearance reminded her of a mummy, emaciated and weak. Pansy wanted to step back, but her mother was still holding her, keeping her in place.
"What do you say?" her mother urged.
"Good afternoon, sir," she said in a quiet voice.
"Adorable, adorable… I'm happy to finally see you Pansy," the man said. "Yes, yes, I thought I was going to see you soon."
Pansy swallowed hard and sought her mother's approval again. She didn't like this man. Was he Ollivander?
"The Parkinsons have always entrusted me with the creation of their wands. I even did some custom orders for you, experimental, one of a kind in the world! Using rare cores, from creatures you little one didn't even know existed." He looked away from Pansy, to focus on the older woman. Mr. Ollivander's smile widened. "Though it's a shame I can't say I had the honor of giving you a wand, Mrs. Kyung-Mi Parkinson."
"Perhaps, if one day something happens to the one I have, you will be able to do so."
"Let's hope not, that would be a shame. Spruce, blue dragon hair, 21 centimeters, stiff. You won't find a core like that on this continent. Blue dragons have majestic manes, silky-smooth scales that blend into the sky…beautiful creatures. The Chinese fireball is related to that species, but let me say that they are not nearly so wonderful, but rather common."
"Oh! And another very interesting detail: Korean wand makers usually do cleaning and refinements to the materials that are not done here. That makes a big difference, yes. Better? Worse? It depends on the magician. In my opinion, intervening so much in the materials is not ideal. But for some, doing that is helpful. You are the living example! The union of you and your wand, ma'am, is a good fit." A spark lit Ollivander's eyes. "I would even say perfect."
Her mother was pleased, lifting her chin proudly, but Pansy was still uncomfortable that the man was not blinking.
"On the other hand, Mr. Parkinson, your father…" Her gaze returned to Pansy. "I do remember him like it was yesterday. Pine, dragon heartstring, reasonably flexible, 26 centimeters. Yes, it was a nice, light wand that chose your father. Yes, you heard that right. It chose him. It is the wand that chooses the wizard!"
Ollivander pounded on the table with enthusiasm and Pansy cringed, not liking loud sounds.
"That is my husband's wand, yes. Did you hear Pansy? He is a great professional, you see. Aren't you excited to find your ideal wand?"
Mr. Ollivander leaned across the table, getting as close to Pansy's height as possible.
"Well, well, let's see…" He took a tape measure, with silver markings, out of his pocket. "With which arm do you hold the wand?"
"Uh...right, I'm right-handed," Pansy replied.
For the first time, the man blinked. Also, he tilted his head, trying to get a better look at her.
"Really?" His eyebrows were raised as he spoke. "Well… Extend your arm then, let me take a look." He measured Pansy from shoulder to finger, then wrist to elbow, shoulder to floor, knee to armpit, and around her head. Pansy didn't move at all. She felt terribly uncomfortable. As he measured her, he said, "Each Ollivander wand has a central core of a powerful magical substance. We use unicorn hair, phoenix tail feathers and dragon heartstrings. No two Ollivander wands are alike, just as no two unicorns, dragons, or phoenixes are alike. And of course you'll never get such good results with another wizard's wand."
Suddenly Pansy realized that the tape measure, which was currently measuring her left ear, was doing it by itself. Mr. Ollivander was hovering between the shelves, talking to himself.
"Ugh! Why couldn't Ollivander order his shelves like any other normal shopkeeper? This is crazy. And this? But… why is there a wand with a troll hair core here?"
Pansy frowned, she had to focus on Ollivander, not Granger.
"Oh! This is it," he said, and the tape measure rolled up on the floor. "Well well. Try this. Walnut wood and dragon heartstring. Twenty three centimeters. Slightly flexible. Here. Wave it without fear.
Pansy obeyed and waved it around, but Mr. Ollivander swatted it away, knocking it onto the counter.
"That could have ended very badly!" -he rambled.
On the desk there were some orange sparks, traces of a fire that was already beginning to go out.
"Ebony and phoenix feather. Eighteen and a quarter centimeters. Very stiff. Try, try."
She did, but with much less confidence. Mr. Ollivander took it from her, hissing and shaking his head.
"No, no... This is better. Cherry and unicorn hair, nine inches. Elastic. Come on, try it."
She had no idea what the man was looking for. Nothing happened, but he changed the wands in her hand and commented on them even though she hadn't done any magic. The pile of tested wands on a chair was increasing by the minute, but the more wands Mr. Ollivander produced, the more he smiled. Funny how he scared her more when he was happy. His smile increased his air of madness.
"What a difficult client, yes? Don't worry, we'll find your perfect match around here somewhere. It's like you subconsciously reject them all. But picky eaters are good! They are the ones who get the best affinity. I wonder... Yeah, why not…" He picked up a slightly dented box, which was badly placed on the shelf, covered by three other boxes. "I shouldn't underestimate your willpower, you still have a long way to go…"
Pansy walked to the exact spot where Ollivander had found her wand. She moved those three oddly stacked boxes and saw her: Unicorn Tail Hair, Fir, 9-Inch, Stretchy. Pansy opened the box and touched the wand. She felt a sudden heat on her fingers. She raised her wand above her head, trying to focus her magic, and sent it down through the dusty air. A stream of green and silver sparks burst from the tip like confetti, also throwing out patches of light that danced on the walls like fireflies.
"That looks good," said Granger, who had been watching her curiously as Pansy moved the boxes.
"It's my wand."
"If you already decided then…"
"No. Granger, I mean that literally. This is my wand."
"I don't understand. Are you saying that because it is made of the same materials?"
"Nope! It does not matter. The wands, even if they are of the same components, are different from each other. Didn't Ollivander tell you? But this is identical Granger, I can feel it, the way my magic flowed… It's… It's mine."
Pansy looked around her in bewilderment, and before Granger could get to her, she headed for the door. She yanked it open, causing the bell to bang hard on the wood. She walked until she stopped in the middle of the street. She tried to reorient herself, to remember where she went with her mother after buying the wand.
"Parkinson?"
"Follow me."
She went to Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor, located on the north side of Diagon Alley. Granger followed her, asking where they were going, but Pansy was too in her head to pay attention.
"Don't you think your new wand is pretty?" her mother asked her. "The carving is so beautiful… Oh, how lucky you are!"
Pansy nodded, struggling to walk fast. The wood of her wand was a light color, almost white, and was adorned with a protruding pattern of spirals that blended nicely with the grain of the wood.
"All we need to do is buy your robe. But let's go get your lollipop first?" she offered.
The candy store, Toothbreaker Candy, was located across from Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor. When Pansy noticed that there was a sign in the ice cream parlor announcing a new flavor, a simple lollipop stopped holding her attention.
"Mother, mother." Pansy gave her hand a couple of tugs to make her listen. "Can I have ice cream?"
"They sell very large ice creams there, you won't finish it."
"I will…"
"Pansy…" she sighed.
"It's cream flavor with melted chocolate. In other stores the chocolate chips in the ice cream are not melted."
"Will you eat it carefully?"
"Yes. I'm big."
Her mother relented, bought her the ice cream cone she wanted, and they continued walking.
Pansy arrived at Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor and looked at the posters that had been pasted on the large windows on the door.
NEW FLAVOR
Do you want a classic flavor, but with a special touch?
Try the classic vanilla cone, but with melted chocolate chips!
Better than chocolate, it's melted chocolate!
Only 10 knuts for this week.
"Did we walk halfway down Diagon Alley for ice cream?" Granger grumbled, having reached her side.
"It can't be…" she muttered and closed her eyes.
'All we need to do is buy your robe,' she remembered, and started walking again. Madame Malkin's store was not far from the ice cream parlor.
It wasn't easy eating when she had a busy hand holding her mother's, but she was getting by. They soon reached Madame Malkin's shop. Pansy knew the place well, as Madame Malkin was a seamstress who worked with most of the pureblood wizards. She was a talented woman who made the most elegant clothes and with the most expensive materials for the best families. Because of that, she had a very good relationship with families like the Malfoys, the Parkinsons and many more.
"Kyung Mi, welcome." Madame Malkin greeted as Pansy and her mother entered the shop.
"Pansy is entering Hogwarts this year, we'll need a school robe. And I would also like to try on a dress robe. My husband's birthday is coming up. Can we do that while Pansy finishes her ice cream?"
"Wonderful idea. Come on, come on. And Pansy dear, go eat in one of the seats."
As she licked her ice cream, she watched her mother. Kyung-Mi was beautiful, all the adults said that and Pansy agreed, no one was more perfect than her mother. She had straight black hair that reached to the middle of her back. Her eyes were so dark they looked like the night sky. Her skin was smoother than any woman's, without a mark or wrinkle to mar her fair complexion. She was a skinny witch, just bordering on underweight, so she had a flat stomach that showed no signs of ever having had a baby. She was a bit short compared to other women. But, on the other hand, she looked younger than many teenage girls...
Her mother laughed gleefully as Madame Malkin showered her with praise for the new robe she had tried on. Pansy licked her ice cream again. The melted chocolate tasted delicious, it never got cold no matter what the temperature of the ice cream scoop. Unfortunately, she was starting to fill up. She got up from the seat and went to look for her mother. She didn't know what to do with her ice cream, she didn't want any more. If she ate it all, she wouldn't be able to finish dinner tonight. She didn't want that to happen as they wouldn't let her get up from the table until she finished the whole plate.
Madame Malkin and her mother were at the checkout, checking the price of a new robe that her mother was wearing (it was a blue one).
"Mother," she called, but was ignored by the two adult women. "Mother, mother."
Being ignored, she tried to tug at the sleeve of her mother's new robe, which she was still wearing. With her other hand, she tipped the ice cream a bit, balancing it as it was starting to melt. Only when her hand got dirty did her mother pay attention to her.
"What's going on?" Kyung-Mi's eyes widened in surprise. "Pansy, watch out, it's dripping."
Her mother pawed at her ice cream cone, and in doing so, it stained the sleeve of Pansy's dress. She tried to straighten the cone, trying to stop her mother, and then the ice cream stained the skirt of her dress too. Pansy cringed when she heard the tired sigh. At least there were no people around to see this. Not even Madame Malkin, who had gone into the back room to get something.
"I told you a lollipop was better," her mother said, taking out her wand to perform a quick spell to remove the melted ice cream stains and levitate the cone to the trash can outside the store.
Pansy stood in front of 'Madame Malkin, Robes for All Occasions.' She looked to the left and then to the right, frantic, and next to a pot with a plant she saw it, that garbage can. She walked over and looked inside. There was a Daily Prophet newspaper and a couple of candy wrappers inside. Pansy reached in, flipped through the papers, and found an ice cream cone that had already melted, but had traces of melted chocolate and vanilla. She grabbed it, not believing it was real.
Entering the mansion, her mother was glowing. She looked at herself in the full-length mirror, checking the details of her new robe. Madame Malkin had insisted that she wear it, since it made her look beautiful and the blue color matched perfectly with the cloudy weather that day, very whitish, so much so that it irritated the eyes.
"I think I'll buy another robe for the birthday, this one is too pretty," her mother said, admiring herself. "Yes… I'll keep it for day to day wear. Do you agree, Pansy?"
"Yes mother, I like that color."
"It blends very well with my eyes. Yes?"
Her mother stroked the fabric of her robe, checking the details. She reached for the sleeves, to pull them down so they covered her wrists well, but she frowned as she did so, slowly rubbing the fabric with her fingertips. She looked at the sleeve of her robe carefully and her nose wrinkled in disgust.
"What is this, Pansy?"
"What?"
"Come."
Pansy hesitated, but obeyed. It was not a good idea to disobey her mother.
"Touch the fabric."
She did as she was told, touched the fabric of the tunic, the part of the elbow.
"What do you feel?" she asked in a sweet tone.
"Soft…"
"Yes. It's velvet."
Pansy took a step back, but her mother grabbed her shoulder and dragged her forward, pulling her back against her.
"And the sleeve?"
"Uh…it looks good."
"Feel it Pansy."
She obeyed. Nerves began to grow in the pit of her stomach.
"How does it feel?" she asked again, just as sweet as before.
"Uh… Not so smooth."
"Sticky," she corrected.
Pansy hung her head, beginning to understand her mistake. While eating the ice cream, her hands were stained with sugar without her realizing it. She thus touched her mother's robe. Her mother's new robe...
"Don't you agree?" she asked, getting angry at her silence.
"It's sticky."
"Why?"
"I don't know…"
"Pansy," she warned, speaking slowly.
"Because… because… because of me…"
"Don't talk to the floor."
"I am sorry."
"Again. Pansy, why is my robe sticky?"
"I stained it by accident."
"Accident," she laughed softly. "Are you trying to test the limits?"
"No," she said quickly, looking into her eyes so she would know she was telling the truth. "It was an accident. I did not realize."
Pansy was hunched over, her hands clasped in front of her body, her fingers clenched tightly. She didn't like it when this happened, when her mother got angry. She was good. Her mother was always right. Pansy was wrong too much and luckily her mother was very patient. Very, very patient with her…
"Show me your hands."
She did it without hesitation. She raised them and opened them, showing her her palms. Her mother took her hands and caressed them with her fingers.
"As I imagined, they are sticky."
"Sorry."
"Didn't you tell me you were big?"
"Sorry."
"Are you a silly girl who doesn't know when to wash her hands?"
"Sorry," she hiccupped.
"That is what you are? Filthy?"
"No…"
"Pansy!"
"There's no bathroom in that store." Hiccup. "I didn't realize, sorry."
"Don't make excuses, you ruined my robe." She raised her voice. 'Look at your dress. Do you think that a spell solves everything? Because no, magic doesn't fix it perfectly. She grabbed the fabric of Pansy's dress, touching the parts she had previously magically cleaned. "You see it? It's not like before. You ruined it. You ruined it!"
"Sorry!" she yelled with a red face.
"Stop apologizing without doing anything! It's always the same with you, you just cry and ask for forgiveness. Why don't you do things right in the first place?"
Pansy began to cry.
"Wonderful. My robe, your dress, and now you're crying and runny."
Her mother grabbed her arm and made her walk. She forced her up the stairs. Pansy was having a hard time not tripping. When she did, her mother would pull her up and hold her upright, dragging her up. They entered the bathroom, only there did her mother release her. Pansy had stopped crying in surprise. The bathroom was very clean, the white tiles on the walls were shiny. She was still, in the middle of the room, watching her mother turn on the shower.
"Get undressed."
Pansy didn't do anything, she was having a hard time concentrating because she was emotionally overwhelmed.
"Take off that filthy dress!"
Startled, she took off her clothes. When she finished, her mother grabbed her arm again and pushed her under the water; Pansy shivered when it touched her skin.
"It's cold."
Icy, the water was colder than what house elves used to wash dishes. She tried to get away, but her mother pinned her to the spot.
"Learn once and for all to be clean."
Her mother released her and Pansy didn't dare get out from under the shower spray, even as her body began to tremble.
"Nothing, you can't do anything without me," she complained, moving closer to Pansy again. She had a sponge in her hand, and she began to wash her arms and hands with it, lulling her to sleep, speaking softly, "Oh, Pansy… What if Mrs. Malkin had seen your hands, stained as if you were four years old? ? Do you think your schoolmates are like you, so disastrous? Learn once and for all… I'm good, I give you gifts… Sometimes I wonder if you deserve them, if I'm not too permissive with you…"
Pansy took a deep breath, trying not to cry again. Her jaw trembled, from the cold and her suppressed emotions. She didn't move, didn't raise her head. She just listened to the noise of the shower water hitting the ceramic with force, like stones against a roof, and her mother saying to her:
"Aren't you ashamed?"
"Did you grab that from the trash?" Grange asked.
Startled, Pansy dropped the ice cream, which fell back into the bin with a thud. She hid her hand behind her back and her cheeks began to blush.
"Are you going to explain to me what you're doing?" Granger insisted.
"We are in the past."
"What?"
"I don't know how, but this world is related to my memories."
Granger was stunned.
"The places in Hogsmeade are different because that's how they were when I was eleven years old. This was the day I got my wand, that day I had bought an ice cream and I had thrown it here, I didn't finish it and I threw it away. I remember, everything here is like it was that day," Pansy explained. "Do you think it's possible?"
Granger put her hands on her hips, looked around and then at Pansy. Finally she concluded,
"I knew this was all your fault."