BEHIND THE PINKS (ENGLISH)

by Addicted-to-Black-Coffee

BLACKPINK. JENLISA. Characters: Jennie, Lisa, Jisoo, Rosé. Behind each important moment of Blackpink, things happen in the lives of the pinks, some happy, some sad, others as normal as those that happen to any other person in the world. This book entitled Behind The Pinks, compiles the lives of the four artists behind the scenes.

2. 2: PINKPUNK

2

PINKPUNK

---

JISOO

There were many trainees in YG Entertainment, more than one would imagine. Both boys and girls, everyone was here fighting to fulfill their dreams. From little jumping tadpoles and sprightly twelve year olds to wild sixteen year olds that will crush and devour anyone who crosses their path. Jisoo felt like a turtle in this great jungle where the law of the strongest ruled. No one could break her shell, but she was slow, much slower than the rest.

While the smaller ones were "group B" and were preparing to be the "future 2NE1" of the company, the older ones, those in "group A", were preparing to be "PinkPunk". Miraculously, Jisoo was among those trainees that were part of PinkPunk. Deep down she wondered if she deserved it, if maybe she was here more for her looks than her talent. That, and that she was also currently one of the most experienced trainees in the company: about a year and a half. Jisoo had entered in 2011 at the age of 16 and now, in August 2012, she was 17 and a half years old.

In addition to Jisoo, the ones to debut as PinkPunk were: Eunbi, Lisa, Nabi, and of course Jennie. The last two were the most experienced among the trainees , both entered the company in 2010, at the same time. Eunbi and Lisa, like Jisoo, joined the company in early 2011.

Nabi, Eunbi and Jennie were 16, and Lisa was only 15! And Jisoo, the oldest of all, almost 18 years old, could barely keep up with them...

"Is that why you feel pressured?" asked the psychologist.

Jisoo sighed and leaned back, resting on the back of the couch. It was hard for her to admit it, she didn't want to, she didn't like to talk about her feelings... but she managed to nod.

YG Entertainment was one of the biggest companies in Korea. It had very popular groups: from the kings of K-pop, Big Bang, to the revolutionary 2NE1. As well as impressive soloists, like PSY, who two months ago had released his new song "Gangnam Style", going viral on the Internet and reaching number one on the Gaon Chart. The best were in YG, and of course they had the best for them, even for their trainees.

That's why Jisoo was here, on the fifth floor of the building, having a session with the psychologist. Because in addition to the best dance and singing teachers, they had a team in charge of things like nutrition, body care and mental health.

"Why do you think you're not enough, Jisoo?" she insisted.

'Don't you see where we're sitting? Does YG Entertainment seem small to you?', she wanted to say, but she calmed her feelings and remained silent. She was frustrated, today was a long day of training, the new choreography was giving her headaches and the night before she stayed up late studying for a history test because she needed to finish her senior year of high school. She wanted to sleep, or do something useful, not sit here chatting with the psychologist.

"You're still a trainee. Don't you think you're doing well? I think you're doing fine."

"Why do you think I'm doing well? You don't see my exams. I could be getting straight Cs."

The empty compliments...she preferred nothing to that.

"They've approved of you. You're among the trainees with the highest chance to debut, that shows that you're good even if I couldn't see it personally" pointed out the psychologist, ignoring her sarcasm.

"There's nothing special about me, really."

"What do others have that you don't?"

"I'm the oldest here, but I'm just a 'visual.' I know that's why I was chosen to be a part of PinkPunk."

"Do you think you're just pretty?"

"Well..." Jisoo shifted uncomfortably, crossing her legs and resting her hands on them. "No... I know I'm not."

"Tell me three positive things about yourself."

Jisoo sank deeper into her seat. These kinds of questions were embarrassing.

"I think I'm smart..." she murmured.

"I think you are, too. What else?"

Jisoo shrugged her shoulders up, dismissing it.

"I don't know...

'm sure you can say more."

"I'm pretty," she said reluctantly.

The psychologist made a note on her computer. Jisoo was curious, but she couldn't see the screen even by craning her neck.

"So... What's positive about your fellow PinkPunk members?"

Jisoo took a moment to collect her thoughts. She had many opinions about everyone.

"Eunbi is a great singer, she is stable and hits high notes well. Her image is adorable, everyone will love her. I think she's the only person in the world that I can watch do aegyo * without feeling embarrassed."

"Nabi is a good conversationalist, for sure she will be great at interacting with fans, or in interviews. And she helps the team communicate. Her voice is so soft... and she knows how to adapt to everything, I think she could rap if asked."

"Lisa...she's weird." Jisoo smiled fondly. "What kind of person goes to another country without being able to communicate? She's only fifteen, fourteen when she got here, but she has a tenacity that's scary. And it's impressive. And anyone who has seen her will say that she is a natural dancer. It doesn't make sense how easily she learns things. She looks at the choreography and says « ok » and executes it perfectly. How did she pass her monthly exams without knowing Korean? I don't know, but she did, and now that she can communicate in Korean, it's... ugh , I have no idea how she can get that many A's. I actually don't recall seeing her get a C in anything. Sometimes I think that Lisa is an alien, not a normal human, it's the only way to explain some things about her. It would be easier to say her negative things, there is a lot to say about Lisa... she is a very interesting person."

"And Jennie...she's so mature. She always surprises me, she's the only one who doesn't come to me, her unnie, for advice. I admire that. No matter how young she is, she is smarter and more talented than many adults. That's why she's the leader of PinkPunk. She can do everything. Rap, dance, sing... And she's so cool, so confident in her talent...she's the most well-rounded trainee here. She is the only person I see and say: she is perfect, she is already an idol . She doesn't even need to debut, she already is."

"Just as you see others, you should see yourself."

'How can I compare myself to them?' she thought. No matter how hard she tried, she felt like she was falling behind. Other trainees sang a thousand times better than her. Even the newest, Chaeyoung, destroyed her, she could knock her out without even trying. Jinny was also a better singer and dancer... Even those twelve year old girls were more impressive than her and they had their YouTube video to prove it!

"I've known you for a long time Jisoo, I know what kind of person you are. You are kind, you have a lot of positivity and you have a great sense of humor... but these last two months you've started to get depressed. Any other trainee in your place would be happy. The CEO chose you as one of the debutants. Several of your friends are with you, so it's twice as lucky: debuting and with people you like."

"Have you considered that you are underestimating your superiors? I don't think they chose you for just being pretty. There are many beautiful people in the world. So try to think about what things you have that others do not. You have a big heart and kind words for everyone except yourself. Be good to yourself. Okay? Try to think about what you have, what makes you so special to you. Alright? Do that, and then tell me next week."

"Next week?" Jisoo was surprised. "But the appointment is always monthly."

"When I see that one of my patients is going through a bad time, I increase the number of sessions. Once I see you're doing better, it will go back to being a routine monthly checkup."

Jisoo was upset. This did not seem right to her.

"See you next week?"

"Yes..." she muttered reluctantly.

. . .

Jisoo was sitting next to the cameraman, giving Jennie encouragement. But quietly, just giving her thumbs up, because she didn't want to distract anyone from their work. Jennie was in the front, standing in front of a wall with the company logo. She was preparing to record a song that she performed in her last monthly evaluation, with which she had impressed everyone: "BoB - Strange Clouds".

Jennie paced back and forth as she waited, wearing a beanie . Lately she was wearing that kind of hat a lot. She also had a baggy sweatshirt that was so long it covered part of her legs. It was made of black cloth with white drawings. A dither rather, in the style of doodles that a teenager would do in their school folders. There were dots, words, stars, lines that seemed to have thorns, even a skull. She looked very cool, very rebellious, very... Punk? Since she was the leader of PinkPunk, it made sense.

Jisoo hesitated, taking a better look at Jennie's clothes. What if it was actually a white sweatshirt with black drawings? The great unknown. Are zebras white with black stripes or black with white stripes?

When Jennie turned her back on her, Jisoo hissed. The back was black. So you were correct in your first observation. Black with white pattern. But... why was she paying attention to that in the first place? Oh yeah! Because Jennie's hair did remind her of a zebra's. It was black, straight, but had bleached strands of almost white blond at the end of the hair; it was also like that on the inside, behind the ears. Previously, instead of white, it had been purple, but the ink was gone now.

The CEO, Mr. Yang Hyun Suk, was there, watching his trainee . He was standing in a corner of the room with his arms crossed, patiently waiting.

"I'm done with the camera," the cameraman said. "Stand in the middle Jennie. The idea is to make the video as a kind of casual evaluation. Try to stay in the center and once you finish bow as you always do when you finish an evaluation." The cameraman gave a loud clap, reverberating through the room. "Microphones ready. Start whenever you want, it's already recording."

Jennie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she looked at the camera, Jisoo thought, just like always, "here's our idol." It was rare to see someone so young with such confidence and an arrogant, cold air. Even Jisoo's older brother didn't look that cool. And he was great! He was a very popular boy in school who had several girlfriends, Jisoo met two of them. But Jennie was cooler than her brother, she had that "I could steal your girlfriend if I wanted to" vibe.

Jisoo suspected that Jennie's voice hadn't finished changing yet, there were traces of that childish tone when she used her higher range. She even kept growing in height. Jennie was young, but when you heard her rap...

Well, if you guessin' it's me, you guessed correctly

I just stay with a stallion, you would swear I was an equestrian

Jisoo smirked. That girl...

English wasn't her forte, but Jennie had explained the lyrics to her though it sounded better in English than it did in Korean, obviously.

There were several rappers in YG. It was like a source of pride for the label, hip-hop and rap was the domain of the company. Among the trainees, Jisoo knew amazing rappers, like Ji-won, but she was sure that Jennie could go and stand up to those boys with no problem. It didn't matter that she was small and that she was a woman, moreover... a girl, she could. She had a girl's voice. Not a woman, a girl. But boy, if Jennie said she was a stud, an equestrian, or whatever the lyrics of that song were, Jisoo believed her. She had a way of moving that bordered on the masculine, sticking out her chest and stretching her arms, walking without moving her hips much, projecting force. Jennie used that character a lot when rapping.

I hit her with that pipe, call that Nancy Kerrigany

Stay on the greenest greens, call us vegetarians

You be on that minor league, but we smoke professionally

I do my job exceptionally, on point like a decimal is

What Jisoo liked the most of Jennie's rap was the way she played with the bass and treble, it was like she was biting or squeezing some words. The way Nancy Kerrigany was epic.

The way I ride on the beat man I be in the street it's done so effortlessly

Yeah, so these... can't sleep on me, there's no Inception in this bitch

"Cut the last part," said the CEO. "I don't want half of Korea saying that I told a girl to use profanity."

"I'll remind the editor to cut out any offensive words," the cameraman said. "We had planned to use a beep, as censorship."

"Yes, I remember the idea, do that. And Jennie..." The CEO looked at her, warning her seriously: "Don't get used to swearing too much. It's only allowed in raps if the lyrics say so. Okay?"

Once Jennie nodded, the CEO smiled and waved her off. She ran over to Jisoo with a beaming smile. No one would imagine what could come out of that mouth when she smiled like that, so innocent.

"How did I do?"

"Great God level."

Jennie laughed, she was seriously overjoyed. They bowed goodbye to the CEO and left the room. As they walked down the halls to the elevator, Jennie was prattling, fast, not taking time to breathe.

"When they upload that video it will be official. Little by little they will reveal the members of PinkPunk. And then we debut! We did it Jisoo. Can you believe it?

"Hey, the rap is over. Let the air enter your lungs and brain."

Jennie pouted.

"Could you be more excited? We did it! In a few weeks we're going to start recording demos, we'll probably debut in a few months."

"I have to stay calm. With you already jumping off the walls, someone has to be the voice of reason. Do you think it will be Nabi? Of course not..."

"How mean, unnie" she complained, rolling her eyes.

Entering the elevator, Jennie had an idea, so she smacked her arm, exclaiming,

"We should party with a new piercing!"

"Do they have a custom in New Zealand to pierce their flesh whenever they're happy?" she joked. "Do I have to keep the knives away from you when you're in a good mood?"

"You should get your first piercing, honor PinkPunk. Bring out the punk in you."

"Punk doesn't mean getting pierced. The name they gave us doesn't even make much sense, we almost always do pop and hip-hop. We even do more R&B than punk or rock," she said, as she and Jennie got into the elevator, closed the door, and punched the button for the ground floor.

"Punk represents rebellion, not just a musical genre. You have to look tougher unnie , just like me."

There was a bit of sense in her words. Jennie was good at looking cool. She projected an extremely believable irreverent image. Her clothing choices, those black jeans, her black leather boots to the sole, her sweatshirt that almost looked like graffiti... and of course, her piercing, in the middle of the cartilage on her left ear.

Jisoo was pretty sure it was the cartilage...

Jisoo wasn't an ear expert! It's okay? The piercing was somewhere in there, definitely not in the earlobe.

"Lisa and I got this one." Jennie pointed to her ear. "Together, the same day. It was the first time for both of us. Well, Jinny joined us too, but she did it to her other ear and she already had another one. She gave us her expert opinion."

"Jennie..." She sighed. "I don't know if I want to get one."

'What if I don't debut?' she thought, because you never knew what the last minute changes would be, but justified herself by saying,

"I haven't even done anything weird with my hair yet."

"I'm sorry! No pressure, I swear. It's just... I'm excited."

"Oh, I hadn't noticed," she said with a wry smile.

"I know," it occurred to her. Jennie snapped her fingers for emphasis. "Tomorrow will be our day off. Let's go. If it catches your eye, great. If you don't want to, nothing happens. After the piercing, we're going to eat ice cream."

"You lost me at 'will be', but you got me back at 'ice cream'. Ice cream tomorrow? I'm in."

"You're amazing..."

"Will it just be the two of us tomorrow?"

" Aha. Lisa's mom came to visit her. The coordinators gave her some extra days off, it was her mother who asked for it, as a surprise. A couple of her friends from Thailand even came. That's why in the end she couldn't come to see me today..."

"It did seem to me that today was a quieter day than usual."

Jennie laughed. The elevator door opened and they both got out. They kept walking, heading for the bedrooms.

"It feels weird not being with her. Don't you believe it?" Jennie commented.

"Sometimes I feel like Lisa is like my shadow."

"Your shadow?" Jennie was surprised, she even turned to look at her.

"In a good way!" she defended. "She is like an extension of me, but to say that she is my left arm or my right foot would be too much. A shadow sounds less disturbing."

"Poor Lisa." Jennie giggled. "I was thinking about getting together with JYP trainees after I got my ear pierced. If you choose to, I mean."

"Trainees?" Jisoo raised her eyebrow and made sure, "Girls?"

Jennie looked confused for a few seconds and then her eyes grew wider than usual.

"Girls, all girls," she hastened to clarify. "How can you think that I would suggest that they be boys? Right on our debut, too? That would be crazy."

"And how do you know JYP trainees?"

JYP was one of the biggest companies in Korea. YG, JYP and SM were the entertainment companies with the most purchasing power and the most famous artists. They were called the "Big Three" in the media for that reason, for being the big three that competed with each other.

"One of the boy trainees here... Jisoo don't look at me like that, I wouldn't dream of trying something with a YG trainee that would be worse than suicide." Jisoo raised her hands, feigning innocence. Jennie rolled her eyes. "As I was saying, he has been here for more years, and he knows things, and he has many connections outside the company. There is a Facebook group..."

"Internet friendships?" Jisoo interrupted her. "Didn't your mom tell you that this is how they kidnap people and then rape them, kill them and throw them in a river?"

"Wow... very graphic."

"I only repeat my mother's wise words."

It's only trainees in that group, relax," Jennie said, resuming the conversation. "So this guy told me about the people he knew and...there are some girls from JYP who seem really cool and would like to meet me. Wouldn't you like to meet them too?"

"Well... I guess we won't die if we go together."

"Unnie, " she complained. "You make it sound dangerous... when we go to the ice cream parlor... it's going to be full of people..."

"If your internet friends gouge my eye out with an ice cream cone I hope the guilt will haunt you forever,'' she joked.

As they entered the bedrooms, Jennie stretched lazily, raising her arms, and asked,

"Do you mind if I shower first?"

"Go. I want to go to sleep with wet hair so I'll do it later."

"That habit of yours is so weird," Jennie said, walking away to the bathroom.

Jisoo sat down on the sofa. Most of the trainees must be in their rooms by now, lying down. She looked at the ceiling, noticing the cracks, and sighed.

"Debut", Jennie and all the trainees talked about it. Jisoo felt saturated with the topic. Terrified, actually. It was strange to think that the heads of YG Entertainment really considered her someone worth debuting. Jisoo wanted to debut, but didn't want to at the same time. It was weird. The psychologist was right, she should be excited, just like Jennie, not questioning her worth. Since when did she care what other people thought? It was as if she didn't know herself. She wasn't like that.

Jisoo didn't feel like an idol. She hadn't even practiced singing seriously before entering YG. It felt like a rip-off to stand next to experienced and musical people like Jennie or Nabi, or next to a crazy talent like Lisa. What would people say if she was a member of PinkPunk? Probably something like "oh yeah, the one with the face of a drama actress." There were so many people here, so young and so talented... and then there was Jisoo. Not even her friends outside the company thought that being an idol was a good idea for her. Most developed their musical abilities as children. Ra-woom hadn't lasted long in the company because she was chosen for being pretty. Was Jisoo following the same path as her? Would the others get bored watching her? Jisoo felt small, that she was late for this, that she would be left behind...

"What are you doing? Is there another bug on the ceiling?" Jennie asked.

She had returned. Now she had no makeup on and was wearing a simple white t-shirt with a picture of a flower on it, along with blue shorts. Jisoo hadn't noticed the passage of time. That, or Jennie had super powers, super speed.

"What do you think is the best thing about me?" Jisoo asked, snapping out of her reverie.

'Why that question?" Jennie said, sitting down next to her and checking the ceiling, making sure it was free of bugs.

"No reason, I was just overthinking," she muttered.

Jennie moved closer to her, tilting her head, searching her face.

"Please don't say I'm pretty," she moaned, sinking into the sofa.

Jennie snorted and kicked her lightly on the leg.

"It must be great to be able to be so sure that everyone thinks you're pretty."

'What are you talking about?'

"Come on, don't make me say it. You know you're beautiful. Hardly anyone is that lucky.'

'But if everyone here is very pretty, I'm not that big of a deal either...'

'Nobody stands out as much as you unnie . Have you ever noticed how the new ones always stay recalibrating your existence for a while? For a couple of days they look at you as if they were taken aback by your beauty. No one can take their eyes off you. No trainee compares to you."

"What's wrong with you? You look good and you're great."

"Well... I don't really like my waist, my torso is like... it looks very square, compared to others, and my cheeks look very puffy, they make my face very round... I know I'm skinny, but ... "

"Jennie, please..." she scolded her.

"I know, it's just that... I'm a little worried that they think I'm not pretty enough to be an idol."

"You are."

Jennie grimaced, a lazy, half-sad smile. Jisoo couldn't believe that Jennie thought that, that she seriously believed that nonsense...

"Everyone is going to have a crush on you. I saw you rap today, I know what I'm talking about. Plus you're still growing, your cheeks don't look puffy, they look adorable."

Jisoo reached out and poked her cheek with her index finger, to emphasize her words.

"It's like a mandu . Everyone loves mandus ."

Jennie sat up straighter, looking at her like she was crazy.

"My cheeks are not mandus ! That's not cute. I don't even like those things."

There was a silence. Jisoo frowned.

"What? That is sacrilege. How dare you say you don't like mandus ?"

Jennie burst out laughing at Jisoo's serious face.

"You're ridiculous unnie .I always laugh and I'm happy with you."

"And you are the most adorable mandu . As well as a very pretty girl. Get it into your head." Jisoo hissed. "Puffy cheeks, how silly..."

Jennie's smile widened, showing a bit of her gums. She was adorable as soon as she took off her beanie and stopped swearing in English.

"Isn't it silly that we're about to fulfill our dream and suddenly we're all insecure and silly?" Jennie asked, curling up in a ball on the couch, pulling her bare feet up onto the cushion and hugging her own legs. "I am very happy, but I also feel that my heart is going to stop. I just want everything to go well and be perfect, that everyone loves us."

"I just want them not to think I'm bad. I feel like my vocal technique isn't good enough yet." Jisoo confessed.

"What? Your voice is precious. Don't think that."

"It doesn't sound good when I dance. Even standing still I mess up sometimes, a lot of notes are still uncomfortable for me. I practice a lot for tests and hardly ever get A's. I honestly don't know why I was chosen for PinkPunk. It doesn't make much sense."

Jennie was silent, looking at her.

"Are you serious?" Jennie muttered incredulously.

"Why are you surprised?"

"It's just... I think your voice is very unique."

"I don't sound as good as the others."

"Aren't you worrying too much about technique?"

"Who doesn't care about technique? We are literally trainees , training our singing."

"Jisoo," she said seriously. "You are one of the most unique trainees here."

Jisoo was speechless. The way Jennie talked... It wasn't unnie this time. She was so serious, so sure: "Jisoo", "unique".

Jennie jumped up from the sofa and ran towards the bedrooms, forcing Jisoo back to earth. Noises were heard, muffled voices from other girls asking what was going on. Hurriedly, Jennie returned to the sofa with a laptop in her hands. Jisoo didn't question, just watched her turn on the laptop and search through her files. Jisoo's audition video appeared on the screen, the cover she did for her to enter the company. A few months ago Jisoo had e-mailed because Jennie had been curious to hear her sing "Clarity." As the song played, Jennie spoke,

"There's no technique here."

"I know..." Jisoo murmured, hearing the shyness in her voice. Compared to her past self, she had to admit there was a big change, but compared to others, there was still so little progress...

"And yet, just with your voice, with your singing, you charmed everyone. The judges, the CEO... and me. When I first heard it, I thought you were really cool."

"What's so special about it? Obviously I know nothing. I don't dance, my face is blank, the only good thing there is that I don't go off key."

"Your tone of voice is not normal. Do you really not notice? And in that song it shines so much..."

"Everyone here has beautiful voices."

"Your voice is unique," she insisted. "No matter how much we train, we can never sound like this. The texture of your voice is impressive. All trainees, or most people really, don't vary much in voice. Just think about it, how many really unique and unrecognizable tones of voices are there in k-pop ?

I'm serious, out of thousands, I know your voice would be one of the ones that would stand out the most. That raspy tone, but at the same time so sharp... I don't know, sometimes you can give me goosebumps listening to you. It sounds raw, intense. Lisa even says you have the voice of rock ."

Jisoo looked down, overwhelmed.

"I don't know what to say, really," she admitted.

"Anyone can learn vocal technique if they put in the effort. But your voice is yours and yours alone, and every day it progresses," Jennie said.

"I...thank you..."

"It's weird to see you embarrassed," Jennie said, smiling.

"I'm not..."

" Unnie is soft at heart!" she teased.

"Enough," she said, holding back a laugh. "I better go take a shower, it's late."

"Hey," Jennie called as she got up. "We're a team. Yes? We are friends."

Jisoo leaned over to her and pinched her cheek.

"Thank you mandu filled with motivational phrases. Don't worry anymore, you know I'm a tough nut to crack."

" Oh my god , don't make mandu a recurring thing..." Jennie complained.

"Huh? You already like mandu you say?" She feigned deafness as she walked away.

Jisoo went into the bathroom. She heard Jennie muttering and walking in the background, going to the bedrooms, probably to sleep. Once she closed the bathroom door, being alone, she looked at herself in the mirror.

'Unique.'

She undressed and got into the shower, relaxing under the hot water. Was her voice so special in that cover ? She didn't sound as powerful and emotional as the original singer. Jisoo just sang the best she could, she didn't do anything special...

'Unique.'

Throwing her head back, she closed her eyes and let the hot water wash over her face. She sighed slowly, losing tension in her muscles. She used her hands to pull her hair back. She had sung "Clarity" for no particular reason, just because she liked the sound of it. She didn't even know what the words said before she decided to learn them to sing them for the audition. And here she was now... how far that song had taken her...

She let the water wash over her face, down to her mouth. She allowed the drops to fall down her face and wash everything away. With the water droplets hitting the ground, making white noise, Jisoo sang to herself in soft whispers, barely parting her lips:

High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life

Fight fear for the selfish pain it was worth it every time

Hold still right before we crash, cause we both know how this ends

A clock ticks till it breaks your glass and I drown in you again

Jisoo lowered her head and breathed. She wiped the water from her eyes and mouth, and decided to go ahead and cleanse her body and prepare for another day.

. . .

Jennie and Jisoo went to a tattoo and piercing shop, just like they planned. The day was cloudy, but it was still hot, so luckily the plan for ice cream was still good.

Jisoo stood against a wall, her arms crossed, witnessing Jennie getting her second piercing, this time in her right ear. Well, if you counted the normal piercings that all women get, this would be number four. Wasn't that considered a piercing too? Right? Should she ask the store owner?

Jennie's legs didn't quite touch the ground, the chair she was in was a little higher than normal. She dangled her feet in the air as she watched the shop owner prepare her tools. Jisoo couldn't help but remember the movie "The Parent Trap". She had seen everything that Disney aired. Even as a teenager, she had a hard time watching channels other than Disney. She liked "The Parent Trap" a lot, the antics of the twin protagonists always made her laugh. In one of the scenes of that movie, one of the twins had pierced the other's ear, a situation similar to the one she was witnessing now. Jisoo looked at the shop owner's work table...and there was no apple there. Was that scene in the movie unrealistic? In the movie they applied ice to the ear and then used a piece of apple to stick the needle. Jisoo had her earlobe piercings, but her mother had done them when she was very little, so...she couldn't remember if there was an ice or apple involved or not. Probably not.

To Jisoo's disappointment, when the needle went through Jennie's ear from side to side there was no dramatic scream. Isn't that supposed to hurt? Jennie whined about everything. If even a baby like Jennie could handle a piercing...

Jisoo remembered reading about piercings and other cultures. One day, when she was little, she had been curious because she noticed that tattoos were frowned upon in Korea and were associated with criminals. Even on TV, celebrities with tattoos were required to wear patches, bandages, or clothing to cover them. If not, they were censored by the editors with a filter to blur the tattoo. When Jisoo told her dad that she thought that was weird, she told her that there were cultures where it was okay and cultures, like Korea, where tattoos were wrong. Jisoo didn't get it. why? But she insisted that in a society there should be order and everyone should follow the rules. She warned her that all things had meanings and symbols, that they gave a message, so that people should not only speak, but act taking into account what they wanted to say to the world.

The short version of her father's speech was that she and her mom would kill her if she got a tattoo.

But what did it mean for people to get a tattoo or piercing? Generalizing it to criminals sounded silly. And outside the country? America's famous actors? The great singers of rock ? Why were people upset that people from their country had tattoos, but not people from other countries?"

And why would someone get a piercing? For aesthetics, her older brother told her, as if it were obvious. And... he was partly right, of course. But Jisoo learned that piercing could also be a ritual or a sign of belonging, in the case of tribes, for example. Grow up, become an adult, and mark yourself as such. Wasn't getting pierced for aesthetics even a reason for change? Wanting to feel good about themselves, to see themselves in something new, improved, to represent themselves better... There were reasons for wanting to cut their hair or put on makeup. Yes, part of it was aesthetic, but there was something driving it. That's why there were people who wore makeup and people who didn't, people who had tattoos and people who didn't.

But why did people seek to feel pain? Why stick a needle through your skin? Why inject ink into the skin? Why not get a fake piercing? Easy, painless and reversible.

Why was Jisoo still a trainee even though it hurt her feelings? Why not leave now? She was taking her final year of high school exams, she could just turn the wheel now, change direction and go to university. Far from all this, from irreverent people who swear, who sing about things that sometimes aren't right, who get tattoos and piercings as if they didn't care what the world thought of them...

Why was she still here, drowning?

Why was this world of spotlights and flashes?

Why did she like this painful pressure that was trying to bring her down so much?

Why couldn't she let it go?

"I'll get a piercing too," Jisoo said.

Jennie, who was paying at the time, looked at her puzzled.

"I was joking when I said that you should be more punk . You know?" Jennie said.

The owner motioned for her to take a seat. Jisoo sat on the chair, crossing her legs. Like Jennie, she didn't reach the ground, but she decided to put her feet up on one of the metal bars of the chair. She looked in the mirror. She looked calm. She felt calm. Why did this feel right?

If she didn't leave now, this would mark her forever, she wouldn't be the same Jisoo, nor the Jisoo she could have been...

" I'm not trying to be more punk," she explained to Jennie. "I'm turning down college."

"Er... did I miss something?"

The shop owner looked strangely calm. Maybe she was used to listening to weird conversations.

"I'm part of PinkPunk. And if it goes wrong, I don't care."

"That's... well..." Jennie's eyes were narrowed, as if she were trying to understand her.

"Since yesterday I can't get Clarity of my head."

"You guys are trainees, right?" the shop owner asked.

"Yes," Jennie replied.

"I'm going to be an idol."

Jisoo was already here. The world, life, had brought her here. If she was already here, if she already belonged to this... there was only one option left. Keep going... Run into the spotlight, no matter the consequences.

It hurt, the needle piercing her flesh making her shiver, but she pressed her lips together and endured the pain.

As they left the store, Jennie put her arm around her shoulders, like a proud older sister. They walked together and Jisoo hummed to both:

Cause you are the piece of me, I wish I didn't need

Chasing relentlessly, still fine and I don't know why

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?

If our love is insanity, why are you my clarity?

"Where the hell is your head today?" Jennie said.

"I was thinking... I think this won't be the only piercing I get."

"Aren't they great?" Jennie asked.

Jisoo shrugged.

"It hurts, but I can take it."

---

ROSÉ

Rosie scratched her eye, wiping away a crust. She had played rock, paper, scissors with several trainees to see who could enter the bathroom first... Rosie came out last. So here she was, patiently waiting in the hallway for everyone to finish cleaning up.

When she closed the door and had the bathroom to herself, she looked at herself in the mirror and winced. She looked terrible, her dark circles were obvious and her eyes were red. Rosie had cried herself to sleep. So not only did she sleep badly, but she also had red eyes. She splashed cold water on her face, especially on the eyelids, trying to calm the irritation. It even hurt a little to blink. She brushed her teeth, combed her hair and went out to get breakfast: toast with jam, accompanied with juice.

"Coffee?" Nabi offered as she entered, but Rosie shook her head.

Before she knew it, several trainees were wandering around the kitchen, sitting or standing drinking something. Rosie felt a little lonely. She kept feeling that way, like someone in a strange land, homesick for home.

She didn't get along badly with anyone here, but she didn't quite fit in either. At the end of the day, they all had their groups already put together: Jennie would always be with Jisoo, Lisa, Miyeon or Nabi; Jisoo would be with Nabi, Eunbi, Lisa or Jennie; Lisa would be with Jinny, Jennie, or Jisoo; Eunbi would be with Hanna, Suni and... well, you got the point. They all had close friends, confidants…and then there was Rosie, who texted her older sister and her parents every day.

Rosie was never good at making friends. She didn't get along badly with people, but it was really rare that she managed to break the distance between her and others. In Australia it was the same as here, she had her few friends, like Vanessa, who she saw in class and went for a walk with from time to time, and that's it. Most summers she just spent with her family, with her sister, at home. Her best friend was without a doubt Alice, her older sister. Was that too pathetic?

As Rosie took a sip of her orange juice, she looked around dully. It seemed that Nabi had new gossip, all the 16 year old girls were listening to her, making a circle around her. She jumped in her seat, taken by surprise, when suddenly and without warning Lisa sat down next to her.

"Good morning," Rosie murmured.

"Are you free this weekend?" Lisa asked.

"Me?" Rosie wasn't quite awake yet.

"Do you want to go play video games?"

" Er ... Yes. Sure."

" Cool ," Lisa said, as she cut an apple in half with a knife.

What the hell had just happened?

"Thanks for having me," Rosie remembered.

"You're welcome," she said with a smile, and then took a big bite of the fruit.

Lisa sometimes baffled Rosie.

. . .

Rosie laced up her vans and took a few steps back, trying to see herself fully in a small, half-length mirror. She was wearing black shorts and a Nirvana band t-shirt. Casual, comfortable... Yes, these clothes would do. She wanted to look cool , like Lisa.

Someone knocked on the door a couple of times.

"Ready to go?" Lisa asked, raising her voice.

Rosie grabbed her backpack, where she kept her wallet and a hoodie, and left the room. Lisa was leaning against the wall, her arms crossed as she read something on her phone. She wore a black sleeveless top, jean shorts with ripped parts, along with a white peaked cap and white sneakers. Without speaking, Lisa looked at her, smiled at her and nodded towards the door, then walked towards it. Rosie followed her.

Rosie had already spent several months at YG Entertainment, so she already knew the surroundings of the city. She hung out with other trainees on most of her days off, even with Lisa, but she always felt a little apart from her because there were several of them and she didn't know what to talk about. Once she lost the novelty of being the Aussie girl, she had no more to offer. Because of her personality she tended to go unnoticed and she gave the wrong impression that she wanted to be alone. Maybe she could become better friends with Lisa today. She wished that it were so, she felt miserable waiting for her sister's messages.

"Why don't the others come?" Rosie asked, once they got out of the elevator.

Both bowed to the guard and receptionist of the company before leaving the building. Rosie had been scolded by the coordinators for not doing it sooner, though luckily they understood that she had grown up with another culture and had never done anything like this before. Adapting to Korean etiquette was complicated, she forgot them all the time, struggling to make them a habit.

"Jisoo and Jennie went to see some girls from another company," Lisa explained. "Jinny... she didn't want to. I didn't ask anyone else."

"Why didn't Jinny want to?" Rose asked.

Lisa shrugged her shoulders, saying vaguely that she didn't know.

As they walked, Rosie glanced at Lisa. She wanted to talk about something, but she didn't know what. Why did her social skills have to suck so much?

"What games do you like?" Lisa asked.

"Sometimes I played Super Mario with my sister. We had the game on our computer."

"I'm pretty good at Pac-Man" she boasted. "But in Arcades I like to play with weapons, shooting at targets. I also like the basketball machine."

"And pool?"

Lisa pursed her lips, making a funny face.

"I'm really bad at it, and I don't understand the rules. Jisoo unnie and Jennie unnie always tell me to play that because they know they're going to beat me. I hate pool."

Rosie giggled, taking pity on Lisa.

"Pac-Man, shooting and basketball then."

"Any video game is fun," Lisa said. "I want to win some prizes."

Lisa took a sharp turn, so Rosie stopped abruptly and hurried to catch up. They were going to cross the street.

"What's your sister's name?"

Rosie smiled fondly.

"Alice. She is my older sister. Do you have brothers?"

Lisa shook her head.

"I have a lot of cousins."

"In Australia it was just my parents, my sister and me. I hardly saw my grandparents, in fact."

"Really?" Lisa gasped, her mouth hanging open. "In my house there are many people. Uncles, grandparents. It is fun. My mom and my friends came to visit me last month. I missed them so much."

"I miss my family, too," Rosie confessed.

"Is that why you cry at night?"

"Did you hear me?" Rosie's cheeks reddened.

"Yes. Our beds are close."

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to bother you."

"You're not the only one crying," she brushed it off.

"Still, I'm sorry."

Lisa waved her hand, rejecting her apology. Rosie still felt bad. She didn't know the others knew...

"Let's have fun today." Lisa walked over to her and hugged her arm, around the elbow. "I'm going to win. I go almost every day off to that arcade."

. . .

Lisa wasn't winning.

Rosie leaned into the scope of the gun and concentrated on the target. She fired and hit the target again. She hit 9 out of 10, Lisa hit 7 out of 10.

"Oh c'mon, " Lisa groaned, dropping the toy gun as if it had betrayed her.

"I should have made a bet," Rosie said happily.

"I'll kick your ass, you'll see," she said, pointing her finger at her. "Let's play a fighting game. In the back they have a Street Fighter ."

"Shall we bet?" Rosie asked, poking her.

Lisa raised one of her eyebrows and smiled.

"You're going to be sorry Park Chaeyoung."

As they walked down the hall, Lisa leading the way, Rosie looked around. There were a lot of young people here: groups of friends around the games and even some close-knit couples leaning towards the screens. She also saw a child laughing with her parents. There was the noise of banging, plastic hitting metal, knobs turning to swallow coins, the noise of the ticket machine that sounded almost like a blender, and all the different songs from each game playing at once, mixing with the hubbub of people talking and laughing. It was deafening, it was a weekend after all. And she was having a lot of fun. Rosie never went with friends to a place like this. Generally, and at the risk of sounding nerdy , she used to go to museums, church or the park. She had only gone to places like this arcade with her family when she was a child, at the mall.

When they got to the Street Fighter machine, Lisa pretended to stretch out and prepare for a fight, rolling her shoulders in circles and punching the air. Rosie sat down first, laughing at the other's antics. Lisa followed suit, adjusting her cap before grabbing the joystick.

"What do we bet?" Rose asked.

"The one who loses pays for the food for both. When we get bored of playing we can go eat. Do you like fish cakes? They're cheap," Lisa said.

"Sure. Let's do that."

Rosie looked at the screen and chose the only female character, whose clothes seemed to have a Chinese aesthetic. Lisa chose a green-skinned mutant beast. When the fight started, Rosie concentrated, biting her lip. She tended to dodge, backing up and jumping, while Lisa continually tried to kick and punch. From the sound and speed with which Lisa clicked the buttons, Rosie suspected that she was just pressing one button and then the other as fast as she could, without thinking at all, always moving forward. Lisa won the first round. Rosie concentrated and won the second. And by a small margin, Rosie also won the third. Lisa sighed dramatically.

"I'll pay for two fish cakes," she resigned herself.

After that, they searched for the basketball machine. They both played in the same hoop, to try to be faster, score more points and win more tickets. When they ran out of coins, they went to the box, where lots of prizes were hung on display: stuffed animals, toys, candy, even board games.

"A box of Pocky" Rosie said, looking at the candy section; they made her mouth water.

"Chocolate flavor," Lisa agreed.

"And those gummies?"

"Better the lollipops."

"We have 5 tickets left over…"

"I'll save them for the next time. I'm going to choose a strawberry lollipop."

Rosie felt a pleasant warmth in her chest. Did she have fun too? Did Lisa want to go out with her again, did she want me to go back to the arcade with her?

"Chae-young?" Lisa called. "What flavor?"

"Oh," she woke up. "Apple."

Lisa walked up to the guy at the front desk and pointed out the prizes they had decided on. Rosie just stared at her, still not getting over the implications of her earlier words. She definitely wanted to go out with her again. She wanted to be her friend. Lisa was friendly and very cool. And it wasn't just Rosie, all the trainees were very close friends with Lisa, even the trainees thought she was funny.

. . .

They went to a street stall to look for the fishcakes. Rosie carried the candy they won in her backpack, to eat for dessert. While Lisa bought two fishcake skewers, Rosie walked off to a vending machine outside a store several yards ahead. She dug into her wallet for some change and bought two cans of Coca-Cola . Just as Lisa was receiving the skewers, Rosie returned to her side.

"I lost the bet," Lisa said when she saw the cans.

They were walking, looking for some free bench or corner where they could sit down and eat. Rosie smiled arrogantly.

"This is your prize for…" Rosie frowned, thinking. " Eh... I don't know how to say it in Korean."

'What?"

"Compensation award."

Lisa cocked her head.

"Compensation did you say? I don't know what that is either."

"It's... uh ..." Rosie shook her head. "Forget it. It's a gift. I bought you a drink because I wanted to give you something."

Lisa smiled widely.

"Thank you."

"It's fun hanging out together."

"Yeah," Lisa said, and then took a bite of her skewer. Rosie looked at her own and followed suit, eating too. "Next time we can come with Jennie. She is great at arcades."

"You and Jennie have been friends for a long time?"

"She was my first friend here. She helped me with everything. She told me what the teachers said, she helped me buy food, she explained how to pay with won… "

"Jennie helps everyone," she said. "She looks mean, but she's very kind."

"Yes...everyone loves her."

Lisa's mouth was full, so she tapped her finger on her arm, then pointed across the street, where there were some cement benches, shaded by trees. They crossed the street and sat there. As Lisa opened her can, Rosie nibbled on some more of her fish cake.

"Jinny and Jisoo are your other best friends, right? Don't you get along so well with others?" Rose asked.

"I get along very well with everyone," Lisa said. "But I spend more time with them. Lisa took a drink of soda. And with Jennie," she remembered.

Rosie looked at the ground. She kicked some leaves that were near her foot.

"I guess I'm not very good at making friends."

"Why? We like you. You sing great, you play the guitar... you're great."

Rose shrugged. Lisa moved closer, nudging Rosie's shoulder with her own shoulder playfully.

"You just have to get used to it. I felt the same."

"Really?"

"I'm a foreigner too!" she exclaimed awkwardly, before biting back into her skewer. "I felt weird. I miss home, I thought. 'I want to eat my dad's food', 'I miss my friends', 'I want to hug my mom'. I thought about it all the time. I still think about it. I miss my mom so much."

"And yet you stayed here...?"

"One year and six months," she completed.

"How?" Rosie winced, beginning to doubt how long she could stand it, alone, in a strange country."

Not having a home to go to or not being able to sit down at the table to eat a hot meal made by her mom was more difficult than she could have imagined. On the one hand, she felt excited about everything new, about everything she was learning, but on the other hand, she felt that she was missing something that would comfort her, a safe place that she could feel was her own...

Sometimes she just felt tired. The messages and calls were not enough. She missed her family.

"Because of our friends," Lisa said.

"Our?" Rose was surprised.

"Are we not friends?"

"I… well, I don't know. We are?"

"Sure," Lisa laughed. "Jennie, Jinny... all of our unnies are our friends."

"How do you know? They don't…"

"Why complicate it?" Lisa complained, jumping up to go to the trash can and throw away the empty skewer stick.

"Uh...sorry," she mumbled, eating her food. She needed to take a couple more bites.

Lisa returned to her and put her arm around her, pulling her close to her body in an embrace.

"The trainees are a family.

"But… we're competing."

"It's not..." Lisa hesitated. "I mean…" She sighed and leaned forward, resting her chin on Rosie's shoulder. "We're usually a family, I guess…"

Lisa really baffled Rosie. She was someone strangely simple: if she wanted to be friends with someone, she was friends without asking them, if she wanted to go out, she found someone, whoever she came across, and if she wanted comfort, she simply looked for a friendly shoulder, without fear of rejection.

"Did I say something wrong?" Rose asked. Lisa's tone of voice had trailed off. Everything about Lisa was very transparent: the expression in her eyes, her direct words, her facial expressions, the tone of her voice… "

"Jinny is mad at me."

'Oh,' she thought.

"Oh..." she said, and after a few seconds of silence, she asked, "What happened?"

"PinkPunk."

Rosie had forgotten that, that Lisa, Jisoo, Jennie, Nabi and Eunbi were probably going to debut soon as PinkPunk. She couldn't help but feel bitter about that. Because she still had a long way to go before she could debut, and because the people she liked the most were going to make a group without her. She'd had so much fun with Lisa today that she almost forgot that too, that this was a competition, that this wasn't a nice summer day to go out for a walk. Today was just a small respite from reality, achieved with the sweat of weeks of effort.

She empathized with Lisa's confusion: 'We're usually a family, I guess.' Friendships here were strained. It was impossible not to get attached to the people with whom they lived, since they ate together, slept together, shared a bathroom, daily classes... but then the bubble burst and reality hurt feelings: them or me. That was the kind of thinking, that's how friendships were here.

Rosie didn't feel conflicted, at least. If she was to be honest, she didn't care if Lisa debuted and they never saw each other again. Just as she dropped out of school in Australia without much concern for Vanessa or other friends, she knew she could leave all the trainees. She didn't really have any strong attachments to anyone, barely half a year had passed. She was here to be a singer, giving her all to achieve it. She wanted to get better grades than the others and, in her heart, she wanted the others to get worse grades than her…

"Jinny and I became friends in song. It's easy to talk to her. But sometimes... we're such idiots."

"Why fight?"

"Jinny sometimes feels like I'm leaving her out. Jinny doesn't like Jennie very much. It's not bad. They don't hate each other, they just get bored together, and there are a lot of things they don't think alike about. And now with PinkPunk... Jinny has been a trainee for a year. We thought we'd debut together, but... it was me and Jennie... Jinny didn't want to go out with me today."

"Wow…" Rosie said. "Are you okay?"

Lisa shrugged. Rosie wondered if she should hug her. Comforting her was difficult. She understood and felt bad about Lisa's problem. But what was she supposed to do?

"I don't like people I love to get angry. I don't mean to," Lisa lamented.

"But... you didn't do anything wrong."

"Yes, I did. I make Jinny feel bad."

"It's not your fault that she wasn't chosen to debut. And there's nothing wrong with having more friends besides Jinny. Jisoo and Jennie don't complain if you're with Jinny, do they?"

"Well, no."

"Jinny has to apologize to you."

Lisa raised her head, surprised by this more honest side of Rosie.

"But she's mad," Lisa returned.

"For no reason," Rosie decided. "She can't tell you what to do and what not to do. She is not your boss."

"She doesn't…"

"Yes she does. She is hurting your feelings now. That is not right."

"You sound like Jennie," Lisa murmured, lowering her head again to rest her weight on her shoulder.

Lisa didn't say anything else, but she didn't move away. So Rosie just continued to eat. Once she finished the skewer, she was about to ask Lisa to move so she could throw it away, but to her surprise, Lisa took the stick for her and got up, going to the trash can.

"Thank you Chaeyoung."

"Huh?"

"You are a good friend."

Rosie felt embarrassed and began to shake her head.

"I just told you what I thought, I tried to be honest…"

"Let's go to the park," Lisa decided, ignoring her excuses. In the blink of an eye, it was as if her problems weren't relevant anymore, put away in a drawer so they wouldn't bother her and she could enjoy the good weather without annoying distractions. "Open the Pocky . I need chocolate."

Lisa walked over to the bench, to grab her can. Rosie obeyed, reaching for the box in her backpack. As soon as she opened it, Lisa grabbed one of the chocolate dipped cookies inside. She let out a groan as she chewed on it.

"I already feel happy."

"Chocolate fan?"

"I'll marry chocolate when I grow up."

Rose laughed. She took the opportunity to open her can of soda and drink too, cleaning her palate before eating the sweet.

"Jennie doesn't like these very much. She doesn't like cookies very much. Can you believe it?" Lisa commented.

Rosie grabbed one of the candies and popped it into her mouth, losing herself in thought. She wondered if that was what bothered Jinny, that Lisa kept talking about Jennie. Anything that could even be minimally related to Jennie, Lisa would point it out with pride. Rosie figured if her best friend kept talking about someone else when she was hanging out with her, she'd feel a little undervalued, too.

Luckily Rosie didn't mind that detail. She didn't know Jennie very well, or any trainee really, so it was interesting to find out more about her and everyone else from Lisa's words. And for Rosie, it was definitely better to hear random things about Jennie than to be bored in a group that didn't include her in the conversation.

"Do you go to the park often?" Rose asked.

"I really like outdoor activities. In Thailand sometimes I would dance with my friends in the park, like a show . We practiced for the stage."

"Were your friends dancers?"

"Not all. But I was in a hip-hop group , we were all friends. We participate in competitions."

"I never danced before I came here."

"Yes, it shows."

Rosie put one of her hands to her face, covering it, making Lisa laugh. Of course she could tell how bad it was! What a shame...

"Everyone here is so good...sometimes it intimidates me," she lamented.

Rosie was going to say something else, but Lisa grabbed her arm, cutting her off and making her move to the left. A man was walking toward them and Rosie wasn't giving him space on the sidewalk so he could continue on his way. Sometimes she was too distracted and had a hard time paying attention to things around her.

"Practice," Lisa returned. "Just keep trying."

"I will give everything in me to be able to debut."

Lisa grinned and reached out, reaching for another cookie from the box.

"Even if we don't debut together, I'm sure we'll still be friends. And Jinny too. I don't leave people behind, ever."

Lisa was straightforward, even with difficult things. Rosie hesitated, but dared to go over to Lisa and hang on her arm, to walk together like this. It was easy with Lisa, they had things in common, like the fact that they were the only foreigners, the only ones who understood that particular feeling, and who shared tastes: they could go out to play, talk about music and eat sweets.

She wasn't going to lie and say that Lisa was super important in her life, she was still getting to know her. But she knew that she liked her and that it wouldn't bother her to continue spending time together. With Lisa, the difficult things in Korea were more enjoyable, because she could face things with someone and not alone. And Rosie definitely needed someone.

Arriving at the park, they ran to the swings, taking advantage of the fact that they were free, and spent their time there, swinging gently, eating and talking. When the Pocky was finished they opened the lollipops and talked about music. She and Lisa coincided a lot in pop and rock , also in R&B. As they talked about Beyoncé, Lisa played with Rosie's now empty soda can. She was trying to kick it into the garbage can. She didn't get it, so she resigned herself and ended up picking it up by hand and throwing it away in the traditional way.

When Rosie, standing on her swing looking at the clouds, confessed that she was a bit of a newbie to the K-pop , Lisa started giving her loads of recommendations. She even offered to sit together in their bedrooms tonight so they could listen to music together, to show her what she was missing.

At one point, Lisa took to looking at the sky too and paled, stopping swinging, planting her feet on the ground and causing a bit of dust to kick up.

"The curfew."

"What?"

"Run, we'll be late!"

Lisa stood up and grabbed her hand, pulling her to her feet. Rosie was scared to death. She had never been late. What if they weren't at the company by six? She certainly didn't want to find out. She cursed that she had been distracted. Today time had flown by.

They both ran as fast as they could. Lisa complained of shortness of breath, but didn't stop. When they arrived at the gate of YG Entertainment, the security guard was watching them, unimpressed by the chaos they made upon entering. Rosie had to hold her own knees because the muscles were killing her, as she tried to calm her breathing. Lisa knelt on the floor, trying to calm the burning in her lungs.

"Why do you always arrive just in time?" the guard asked, suppressing a laugh.

"Because…I…" Lisa gasped, "…I go…every second of…day off…I like…yeah…

"Let teenagers be teenagers!" said the receptionist, laughing.

The guard shook his head, but waved his hand at the elevator.

"Just go to your bedrooms at once."

Rosie and Lisa obeyed. Once in the bedrooms, after eating something quick as an impromptu dinner, they went into the room they shared and Lisa told her to sit on her bed. She found a laptop and headphones in one of her drawers and then sat down next to her. She gave Rosie the right earphone and she used the left one. Lisa adjusted the pillow as well, so they could sit comfortably against the back. They couldn't sit up straight, as the beds were bunk beds.

"My sister and I used to do this sometimes," Rosie commented.

"We can listen to music together whenever you want. Oh!" she remembered. "I hope you are not bothered by the computer, my phone has a low battery. I think I have to buy another one, it doesn't last me at all."

" It's okay," she laughed. "Music videos look better on a computer."

Lisa searched YouTube and thought for a few seconds what she wanted, then typed: Beast, Beautiful Night.

"Everyone loves this song," Lisa said with conviction.

Rosie was particularly interested in the videos, she hadn't seen a lot of k-pop . She almost always listened only to the audio of the music. She didn't search much about k-pop either, she just looked at YG's discography, because well, she entered their company, she had to know what they did...

Her parents were Korean as well as several of her friends from church too, but for some reason Rosie never fully connected with that side of her, unconsciously even rejecting it.

They ended up listening to several Beast songs and then Lisa said it was better to watch girls as well since they would be a K-pop girl group in the future. She chose a song that was recent: Sistar, Alone.

The video started... interestingly. Or in other words, suggestively. Girls in tight dresses standing in a row, making curvaceous movements and wearing stilettos. As the camera focused on the girls' legs, which were moving sensually, delicately shuffling across the floor, Rosie swallowed hard and stammered,

"We're not going to have to do that, are we?"

"What?"

"Move so... you know... "

"What? Sexy ?"

Rosie couldn't take her eyes off the screen. The Sistar girls moved their hips hypnotically. Was it really necessary for them to wear clothes that tight, with short skirts? What material was that? Leather? It shone a little, it couldn't be a common fabric. Why did Rosie suddenly feel so uncomfortable? It's not like she hasn't seen videos like this before. Baby One More Time for example. Or Beyoncé herself and her... intense... dance moves.

Oh God, she was going to have to do this. Let the earth swallow her, please.

"I don't know if I can..." Rosie murmured, feeling the embarrassment rising in her.

Rosie wasn't attractive or…anything like that. She was still learning how to put on makeup!

"Dance sexy ?"

" Oh my god , stop saying sexy ."

Lisa started laughing.

"It's just dancing," she soothed her.

"I can't imagine doing that. It's a little weird."

" Baby Chaeyoung," Lisa cooed, laughing.

"Shut up. We are the same age! Do you feel comfortable with that?"

"Yeah, I don't care," she said, shrugging.

"Those girls are recorded as if they are pieces of meat…"

"They are dressed normally, they are only moving their hips a little. It's not that bad. Anyone can do that."

"It looks so embarrassing to do…" Rosie worried.

"Okay, okay, I get it. Not everyone dances like that, don't get upset. 2NE1 is more hip-hop . Right?"

Rosie thought about it for a moment, trying to remember her music videos. Lisa was right. YG's 2NE1 were not feminine and suggestive. She thought of their most recent songs, like I am the best, which was chaotic, rebellious, with the girls wearing leather jackets and carrying guns. Even the name PinkPunk, the one that would be the new YG girl group, and only with the name, alluded to a normal adolescent aesthetic, with loose and relaxed clothes.

"Oh, thank God, you're right, I'm in YG," Rosie said, relaxing dramatically on the pillow. "I'd get so red trying to do dances like that…" she added, pointing at the screen with her finger.

Lisa laughed again and said,

"I know, let's listen to some quieter songs. In Korea they also make songs that sound more like US pop . I'm sure you'll like those. "

And Lisa was right. Rosie already knew that she liked the soloist IU for example. As the artists they listened to changed, Rosie began to relax more and more. Soon her eyelids felt heavier and a yawn escaped her.

"You bored?" Lisa asked.

"No, no," she answered, yawning again. "Today was really a great day. I had fun. I'm just a little tired."

"Do you want to keep listening?"

"Uh huh," Rosie murmured, forcing herself not to close her eyes.

"You're falling asleep," Lisa accused, laughing.

"Today was a good day, I don't want it to end. "

"We can have more days like today," Lisa said, closing the YouTube window.

"Sounds good," Rosie whispered.

"I don't like listening to you cry when we sleep," Lisa said. "We can go to the park, to the arcade or just be like that, listening to music, if you want. You don't have to be alone."

Rosie nodded, closing her eyes. That night she dreamed of Alice. Interestingly, Lisa and Alice looked a lot alike. With them, she felt cared for and happy.

---

LISA

YG Entertainment's female dorms were silent, with the lights already off. It was an apartment that had several rooms with four beds in each, where the trainees slept separated by age. Chaeyoung, Jinny, Eunbi, and Lisa were together in one of the rooms. And Chaeyoung shared a bunk bed with Lisa, sleeping on top.

Lisa curled up on her bed and opened her computer player to watch "Boys Over Flowers." She had downloaded all the chapters to be able to watch them in marathon without problems. She was a big fan of Korean dramas, ever since she was in Thailand, and by the time she came to Korea her interest had only been on the rise. She tried to watch dramas whenever she had free time as it was the most fun way to study Korean. She put on some headphones and lowered the brightness of the screen. The other trainees were sleeping and she didn't want to disturb them. Lisa should sleep, she knew, but there were days she just couldn't, because she felt restless, because when she closed her eyes she thought of things she wanted to ignore. And what better way to escape reality than to watch a romantic drama with cute boys?

The drama was about elitism. It took place in a school for rich children, where the popular ones, who were the wealthiest and most handsome, were the undisputed leaders. They acted like kings and all the students in the school respected them, flattered them and did everything they said. For certain reasons, a girl named Jan-di ended up getting into that school, even though she was from a poor family, as she was given a scholarship as a prize. In this drama the two worlds, rich and poor, faced each other, thanks to the fact that the popular ones end up trying to make Jan-di's life impossible to make a point. And like a good teenage romance, they ended up falling in love with Jan-di.

As she progressed through the episodes, Lisa identified with the protagonist. Physically, both had bangs, not very long hair and a body without marked curves. Jan-di had a more normal look in which she could see herself reflected. After all, Lisa wasn't particularly pretty, especially to Koreans, because of her Thai features. Like Jan-di, her biggest draw was her personality: charismatic, enjoying sports, expressive with her emotions, compassionate to others, willing to stand up for what's right, and loyal to her friends and her ideals.

But not only did she identify with Jan-di, but she also saw her life reflected. There was a comfort in knowing that others were also going through what she was, even if it was a fiction. The dramas gave her that peace, that she was not alone. Watching them made her feel better when she was down.

Things in Korea were different from Thailand. The class difference, the xenophobia… ever since Lisa came to Korea, she had to face those things several times. Just as Jan-di in the drama was rejected because she was poor, Lisa was treated differently and badly just because she was Thai.

They didn't call her pretty, they just noticed that she wasn't like them and asked her "Why do you look different? Where are you from?". Lisa didn't have the delicate features that Koreans prized. The shape of her eyes was different and her skin was more tanned. She knew that the CEO and everyone considered her the least attractive of the trainees. Knew that the trainees weren't impressed with her, not when there were all the other pretty girls, like Jennie, Jisoo or Nabi.

Jan-di in the drama had to put up with things like her classmates being able to access the best food in the cafeteria, she had to put up with being passed over, being seen as something disposable and different from them, something to make fun of . And Lisa understood.

Recently, after one of the last monthly evaluations, she was told that she was one of those who was going to debut in the group PinkPunk. She was happy about it, and she still was! But sometimes it felt a bit bittersweet, because a Korean trainee and a Thai trainee were not the same in the eyes of the company.

"Lisa," the CEO had called her when the evaluation was over. "Can you come with me?"

That day he took her to his office for the first time to talk. There, he acted more like a father than a boss. He was kind, made her laugh, offered her tea, let her browse the shelves, and allowed her to sit in the plush, comfortable armchairs instead of the intimidating chair in front of his desk. He treated her as an equal, more or less…

"You're one of our best trainees" he complimented her, smiling.

Lisa felt happy, recognized. She took a sip of hot tea after saying thank you.

"It would be a shame if you didn't debut," the CEO said, stopping to drink some tea as well. "I really hope you are good and do what is best for the company and your colleagues. And for you."

There was silence.

"Did I do something wrong?" she worried.

The CEO giggled.

"No, calm down. I didn't bring you here to expel you or something. It's just… I need us to sit down and talk about some details." Lisa nodded, still a little scared, because it didn't sound like it would be good news. "Did you know that you would be the first foreign trainee to debut in YG Entertainment?"

"No sir, I didn't know…"

"Sounds important. No?" he said, drinking some more tea. "Do you understand that this is a Korean company?"

"I… yes… I know," she murmured in confusion. Was Lisa missing something?

"You understand that getting to debut in our company being Thai is something important, don't you? YG is one of the largest entertainment companies in the country, not just any company."

"Yes," she said, though she didn't really understand. Why did they tell her that? She didn't mind being the first of anything, she just wanted to debut.

"In Korea we are very proud of what is ours, we can't let anyone walk over us. We made our films, our music, our technology. They are our achievements and we are proud. We admire our athletes, our actors… and our singers."

Lisa nodded, as the CEO was looking at her. In truth, she had not understood everything. Did she say "fins"? Like… the one with the fish? She also couldn't remember what "technology" meant. Lisa hated when she didn't get the pronunciation right or they used weird words that weren't used in everyday life. But in general, she already knew what she was explaining to her. That is to say, she never thought of it that way, as a "pride", but... she knew how they thought here, she had been in Korea for more than a year.

"You are not Korean. Do you understand that you will never be that important?" The CEO looked away and shook his head, crossing her arms and leaning back in her seat. "Don't misunderstand me. You're great. I brought you to my company because I believe in you Lisa, I think you are very talented. Why would I pay to train you, otherwise? I'm not the one who's going to look at you and decide your value based on your country, it's others, and I can't help it…"

"Sir, I already know that not all Koreans like Thais…"

Lisa was not deaf. She had heard the insults, she had read the malicious comments on the internet. She knew even before she came to the country that South Asia wasn't good enough for some Koreans, especially older ones.

"I brought you to my office today because I want us to talk about it, I want to make sure that you're not going to cause any conflict over this."

"I don't fight with anyone here," she clarified immediately.

"I know you're a good person," he calmed her down. "What I mean is… I want you to understand that it's not going to be easy. You're from another country, you can't…"

The CEO sighed, taking one more sip of her tea to think her words through. Lisa had her drink abandoned, getting cold.

"I'll get to the point: you'll never earn the same salary as a Korean working here."

Lisa didn't know what to say.

"You have to understand… this is not your country, it's obvious that you won't have the same privileges as a Korean" explained the CEO.

Lisa nodded slowly, processing her words. Her stomach was tight, tense. She felt strange, she didn't feel offended, but the things she said didn't sit well with her either.

"Investors prefer Korean artists, your colleagues themselves may be offended by the fact that you have come here to take a job that could be theirs…"

"I understand…" Lisa murmured, swallowing. Suddenly, she felt very nervous, because she didn't know what to do or say.

"Really Lisa? I'm trying to help you, clarify things for you so that later you don't feel that they are unfair. I don't really care, but that's the way it is. Look at any other company, other foreign idols. I need to make it clear to you that this is the way things are here. You are a foreigner, you cannot have everything so easy. If you want to be an idol being Thai, you have to pay that price."

"I don't care, please don't expel me for that."

She worked so hard for this… so much… PinkPunk was already so close… Lisa was so close to debuting…

This was more than a job or money, it was about her dreams.

"I don't care what they pay me. I want to debut, Mr. Yang," Lisa requested.

Yes, maybe things for her wouldn't be the same as the other trainees, but it was fine, it really wasn't that big of a deal, it was just a little less money. And that? The important thing was to debut.

What Lisa wanted most was to fulfill her dream...

Sleep…

Lisa didn't sleep at all that night. It was a stupid decision, but what's done is done. She had only fallen asleep at 9 am and nothing could change it.

"Wake up."

They turned on the light in the room. Lisa closed her eyes tighter and turned around, burying her face in the pillow.

"No," Lisa moaned.

"No?" she laughed. "Come on girl, get up now, we'll be late for class."

Lisa opened one of her eyes to peek. Jisoo stood with her arms crossed in front of her.

"What time is it?" Lisa asked.

"Time to get your lazy ass out of bed."

"I am not lazy."

"Irresponsible sound better to you?"

" Unnie …" she begged in a high-pitched voice, sinking deeper into the bed.

"Unbelievable," she snorted. "You even fell asleep with the laptop on your lap! You're lucky Jinny got it out of there. What drama is worth a broken screen? You should be more careful… Lisa? Don't fall asleep again!"

Jisoo showed no mercy: she removed the pillow from under her head and hit her in the face with it.

"Unnie!" Lisa shrieked, clutching her face in her hands.

"One… two…" she threatened.

"You're not going to…"

"Three…" she said, picking up the pillow again.

Lisa straightened up, sitting on the mattress. She nearly hit her forehead on the top bed in her haste. Jisoo sure knew how to say good morning…

After dressing in the first thing she could find and grabbing a banana for breakfast, she joined Jisoo in the hallway. While she ate the fruit she perfunctorily checked her messages on her phone. She only answered her mother, saying good morning and I love you. Although in Korea it was already almost 12 in the afternoon, in Thailand it was 10 in the morning.

"Phew! We are going to arrive very late to the class. If you tell me you stayed up all night watching another Gong Yoo drama…" Jisoo threatened her, as they got into the elevator.

"It was Boys Over Flowers."

Jisoo took a few moments to respond, looking disappointed. Lisa pressed the button that took them to the basement.

"I take back what I said. I wish it had been Gong Yoo," Jisoo said.

" Unnie." Lisa pouted, trying to soften the other up. "That drama was very popular!"

"I know, and it's rubbish."

"It's funny and its cast is great."

"Yes, nothing better than seeing bullying," she said ironically.

"AHA! You saw it!"

Embarrassment rose to Jisoo's face.

"I did not want to. I am the younger sister. My sister wouldn't let me change the channel, I couldn't win, she pinned me to the couch!"

"You don't have to take a romance so seriously. The boys were cute and cool, in the end everything ended well. It's good."

"They treated the protagonist like a toy. The story bordered on the immoral. They even kissed the girl without her consent. If a cute boy kisses me without being asked, I don't fall in love with him, I slap him."

Lisa's eyes widened in surprise. Interestingly, it was the moment the elevator door opened, adding to the drama Lisa wanted to convey. "Is that…! A slap, really?"

"What? You wouldn't?"

Jisoo wouldn't hit anyone, she was too nice and soft to… no, wait a minute: it hadn't even been half an hour since Jisoo had beaten Lisa's brains out with a pillow. So if she was provoked... What wouldn't she do if someone touched her without her permission?

"Okay, maybe not a slap," Jisoo relented, "but I'd hate him forever. I wouldn't speak to him again even if he apologized."

"I liked its protagonists," she said, taking advantage of the fact that they passed a garbage can to throw away the banana peel. "Well, they were fine. I only liked one of them. The good one, Yoon Ji Hoo.

"Eh?" Jisoo was surprised.

"What?"

"Is that your ideal type?" she asked, smiling. "Pretty, silky hair, quiet and prim?"

"I don't know what grim means," she complained. "But I liked him, he was kind of adorable… he seemed serious and distant but he was really sweet, like a child, and he was protective and sensitive and… What's wrong with him? What is funny?"

"Prim. Not grim," she laughed. "And prim is like... Elegant, delicate? Little finger raised for tea? Ego from here to the moon? Sweater and trench coat? Very flu flu and ulalá ?" Jisoo had resorted to onomatopoeia and 'delicate' movements to express her point, lifting her chin and tucking her hair behind her ear as she glanced vainly at her.

"Unnie!" Lisa scolded her, pressing her lips together to keep from laughing.

"You like opposites to you, huh?" she mused. "Well, you are chaotic, you definitely need someone prim in your life."

"Stop saying I like prim, it sounds bad!" she complained, laughing.

"Would you rather I say grim?" she said. "If grim, dour and brooding better suits your ideal type…"

"The worst…"

"No, no, you said that wrong too. I am the best!"

"Why are you the best unnie ?" Jinny asked.

They had reached the door, Jinny was in the doorway, looking absently at her phone before entering the room and had heard them talking.

"Because I already figured out Lisa's type."

"Prim?" Jinny guessed.

"No, it's gri…I mean…" Jisoo narrowed her eyes accusingly. "You listened."

"Sorry unnie, " Jinny laughed.

Lisa crossed her arms, offended. She didn't like them "prim."

"Let's go in," Lisa said. Enough about her tastes, how embarrassing…

The three entered. Jisoo ran over to greet the others, but Lisa got distracted looking at her phone. Her mother had answered her, wished her luck and told her that she loved her and missed her very much. She went to the benches to sit down and answer her, since then she wouldn't have a chance to talk to her until tonight.

As she told her mom things, she couldn't help but hear the younger trainees talking. The "Future 2NE1s" were excited for the time when it was their turn to debut. They had started very well in the company, a rarity. Since they arrived, in just two months, they had shown their great potential and had been named thus, the future 2NE1. It was disheartening for everyone to hear the CEO say that. The 12-year-old girls who with only three months of training were being called 2NE1, it was a bit offensive for all of them. Because there was Lisa and her friends… with a year of experience and more, being outshone. But it did the trick, as it had struck a nerve, bruised the pride of the more experienced trainees, and at the next evaluation they gave it their all, reminding the CEO that PinkPunk existed. They weren't the future 2NE1, they were PinkPunk and had what it takes to debut and shine on their own.

"Sometimes it scares me."

Lisa was curious. What scared them? She tried to ignore the rest of the sounds to focus on the young trainees.

"Jennie unnie is always mad," one of them said.

Lisa's mouth almost drops open in surprise. Were they afraid of Jennie? But she was an extremely sweet person! If only the new ones knew her better…

"Just look at her… She challenges even the older ones."

"I'm telling you, she's bad…"

Jennie didn't challenge! She was a very nice person! She was just someone who made her thoughts very clear. Brute honesty at times, but not out of hostility, but because it was straight to the point. She never lost her manners and helped others when she could. What did the new ones know? How could they be so small and already speak ill of their unnies ?

Lisa felt sad when she heard how others saw Jennie. Like a bitter bitch, even if they didn't say it like that, they thought so. "Jennie doesn't smile"; "her tone is very arrogant"; "She has the face of a liar, it is obvious that she is a false person." That was the kind of first impression Jennie made on others. Even Nabi, Jisoo and Chaeyoung thought so. Lisa didn't understand. She honestly didn't understand. Jennie had one of the prettiest smiles she had ever seen. That was the first thing she saw of Jennie. She didn't know her name, she hadn't heard her voice either. It was her smile, almost imperceptible, just before she said " Hi ." That was the first impression she had of her. So no, she definitely didn't get that "Jennie doesn't smile." Even less so did she understand the so-called "arrogant tone." Where? That first " hi " and that " That's what friends are for! " were anything but arrogant or false. Jennie was kind, a good friend, her best friend.

She looked around for Jennie and was glad just to see her. She was with her arms crossed and her head bowed, leaning against the mirrored wall of the living room. She was talking to Eunbi and Jisoo. She was distracted looking at Jennie's clothes, she had a very good taste in fashion and all the trainees asked her opinion on how to dress. It turns out that Jennie's mom was quite a fan of the Chanel brand and made Jennie watch fashion TV shows with her, as well as going to expensive stores like Gucci, Dior and of course Chanel to see clothes, jewelry, perfume… all very elegant and sophisticated.

Jennie was generally elegant, yet casual, thanks to her calm aura and inherent femininity. For example, right now, she was wearing black athletic leggings, plain white sneakers with no details, and a sleeveless button-down shirt with the last two buttons undone. It was casual and sophisticated! Very nice, very Jennie.

"Prim, huh?"

Lisa was startled.

"Jinny," she gasped. "You scared me."

"Why were you so serious?"

Lisa hesitated on what to answer. Things between her and Jinny were still a bit tense, that misgiving persisted mixed with the affection of their friendship. It was hard to compete with friends.

"I know you were looking at Jennie. What happened now?"

"Nothing."

"Lisa…" And there was the tone. "Jinny felt that she did not trust her."

"I'm serious. I was only looking at her clothes."

"She's pretty, isn't she?"

"Yes..."

Lisa was surprised by the remark, but it was true, very true. Jennie was one of the cutest trainees, so the male trainees tried to talk to her without caring about the company rules. Or if they couldn't because of the coordinators, they would take the opportunity to watch when Jennie passed them in the corridors. And so did the girls, but with jealousy, because her hair was shiny and smooth like in a shampoo commercial and she had a body that was sexy as hell. The only reason Jennie wasn't working as a model right now was because she wasn't tall enough to do it. Because that was something else, not only did people love Jennie, but so did the cameras. She looked so good in the photos! Her gaze was so expressive and attractive, and when she smiled from the side, in a coquettish way…

"What caught your attention the most?"

Another unexpected question from Jinny. And a difficult one to answer. What caught her attention the most about Jennie Kim? Honestly, her smile, that was her greatest charm. Well, the sexy-as-hell part was hard to ignore, but nothing caught her attention more than the sound of her laughter and the way her cheeks were sweetly accentuated by it, giving the urge to pinch or kiss them. When she kissed them, it sometimes made her laugh harder. It was a win-win.

"Oh, she has a necklace. I wonder how much it must have cost. Half her wardrobe is worth more than my house," Jinny teased.

'Necklace.'

"What?" Lisa asked.

Jinny sighed heavily and crossed her legs.

"Yeah, yeah, don't get mad... I'm not criticizing your precious Jennie unnie ."

Lisa felt her face warm at Jinny's teasing tone. She had said "Precious" in a very saccharine way and "Jennie unnie " very sharply and childishly.

"It's not like that," Lisa mumbled.

Sometimes, very rarely, Jinny was annoying. Usually they joked around like this all the time, but now she felt embarrassed and a little silly. Where had her head gone? Jinny was obviously talking about clothes, but Lisa didn't notice. Jinny pointing that out to her made her feel bad, very bad. Because there was a certain truth: she was appreciating her precious Jennie unnie .

"Are you red?" Jinny asked, both surprised and amused by this.

"Why don't you start practicing?" Lisa said, more sharply than she meant to.

The amusement disappeared from Jinny's face.

"What's up with you today?"

"Nothing," Lisa said, getting up from her seat.

Jinny didn't try to speak to her again and went to the opposite side of the room, looking for other trainees to spend time with until the teachers arrived. Lisa crossed her arms, trying to ward off the feelings of shame and embarrassment.

"Lisa!" Chaeyoung greeted, walking towards her, but when she saw Lisa's face her smile fell and she looked uncomfortable. "Are you upset?"

"Nope. I'm fine."

Chaeyoung didn't seem very convinced by her words.

"Seriously," Lisa insisted.

Chaeyoung raised her hands in surrender.

"If you're uncomfortable talking, that's fine, I didn't see anything. I just wanted to offer you some gum, they are fruit flavored. Do you want some? If we get caught by the teachers, we can say it's healthy."

Lisa let out a laugh. At last, a conversation that didn't irritate her.

"Don't let our nutritionist hear you."

They both walked over to Jennie, Jisoo, and Eunbi to see what they were doing. They were arguing about the upcoming monthly evaluation, about the song choice. Lisa opened the gum that Chaeyoung gave her and put it in her mouth. As she chewed, she vaguely listened to what they were saying. She didn't care much, the previous time she had had the opportunity to choose the one she wanted, so now she had to give the others their turn. She scanned the rest of the room, to see what the other trainees were doing.

"No, no, look," Jennie said, and Lisa unconsciously looked too.

Jennie leaned forward, slouching slightly, so she could touch the screen on Jisoo's phone. As she did, the necklace she was wearing moved and Lisa noticed it, at last. The chain had a silver pendant with little stones embedded in it, she didn't know which ones, but they looked expensive. Lisa should be looking at that necklace, taking an interest in its shape and materials, because that was what was striking about Jennie, her fashion sense and all that, and it was normal for a girl to be curious about such things... She had started looking at that yeah, but then the cleavage distracted her a little bit. Jennie had more chest than Lisa, that's why she looked, because in that position, with her shirt slightly open and her sports bra helping…

Why…? Why did she feel hot again?

Her face.

It was definitely her face that felt hot.

Jennie tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, and as she did so, she glanced sideways at Lisa, almost as if she didn't care, as if she was just checking her surroundings. But Lisa was unlucky, because as soon as Jennie noticed her blush, she raised her eyebrow, silently asking, "What the hell is wrong with you?" It was a genuine question, no smirk or anything. Lisa shook her head, crossed her arms and turned her head, looking back at the panorama. God her hands were sweaty now, because Jennie caught her, and she knew her cheeks were still red without even looking in the mirror. She adjusted her shirt, because yes, because of the nerves. She gave Jennie one more quick glance, to make sure she wasn't paying attention to her anymore. Jennie was on her haunches now, with three different cell phones in front of her lying on the floor. She was pointing at one of them while commenting on her opinion of the video playing on it. She was serious, focused, gesticulating confidently as she expressed her ideas. Lisa couldn't help but let her gaze drift down her face, not to her cleavage, but to her lips. They were small, but not thin, they weren't dry, and they looked soft even without lipstick. She swallowed hard and looked straight ahead again.

Lisa had never felt this with someone real, only with actors. Why did looking at Jennie give her this tingle in her stomach? Why did she feel the same as when she looked at the actor Gong Yoo or the character Ji Hoo from Boys Over Flowers?

"Why is the teacher taking so long?" Jisoo complained, quieting the annoying thoughts in her head. "Please don't make us stay late to make up…"

Lisa concentrated on chewing gum and answering more messages on her phone, as if nothing had happened. Because that was it: nothing. She was just appreciating Jennie, one of the most important people to her. Why give so much thought to something so normal? Jennie was cute and sexy, everyone looked at her.

---

JENNIE

Jennie was particularly excited about this monthly evaluation, because they were PinkPunk, because at any moment she, Eunbi, Nabi, Jisoo, Lisa, would sign a contract with YG Entertainment and officially debut. Then it no longer felt so much like a test, but a rehearsal. And she loved it. She had already felt special when in April a photo of her was uploaded to the company's official blog under the title "Who is that girl?", because after so much time training she was being recognized. But when at the end of August they uploaded their cover of "Strange Clouds" to YouTube? In that moment, she really felt it, that sense of accomplishment and pride. Because her name (Jennie Kim), her age (16) and the logo of her future group (PinkPunk) were revealed to the public.

She bent down, reaching for the balls of her feet with her hands. She was stretching, concentrating on the mood necessary to act. She didn't have to try too hard though, because obviously she was brimming with energy and confidence today!

"Don't smile before an exam, it's bad luck," Nabi said.

"We've already done it many times," she shrugged off, since the two of them were the most experienced of the female trainees. "I'm sure it will go perfectly."

She looked at her other companions and smiled at them, excited. 'Let's do our best' she transmitted to them, clenching her fist to encourage them. Eunbi, Nabi and Jisoo didn't seem to be very excited. Jisoo seemed to want to vomit, really. But at least Lisa, who was always like a shining sun no matter the situation, followed suit, raising her fist as well and smiling big and happy.

Jennie put her hand out in front of her, letting it stretch out in the air.

"Team," she said.

Nabi shook her head, laughing, and raised her hand as well, placing it on top of Jennie's. Eunbi, Lisa, and Jisoo followed suit. They formed a circle, with all their hands together.

"One... two... three..." she counted excitedly. "PinkPunk!"

They all raised their hands up.

"PinkPunk!" they said, almost like a battle cry.

Lisa and Nabi made it stronger than the rest, suddenly infected with positivity. Those two were unruly, no one had to incite them twice to shout and celebrate.

"Yeh... !" Jisoo cheered in a voice that was high yet drenched in a sombre tone. The poor thing was seriously about to vomit.

Just at that moment the CEO and the other teachers entered the room. Jennie took a deep breath and smiled: she was ready.

. . .

Why? What...? What the hell happened?

The CEO had been smiling at first, but for some reason unknown to Jennie, he lost it as he saw the work they did.

She tried hard to make him happy, to make him smile again, but it didn't happen. He left the room with the teachers to chat without a look back. There were no compliments. And damn, not even a disgusted or angry face. Nothing. The indifference was worse than nothing.

Jennie sat down on the bench, defeated. The others did the same, except for Lisa, who took to sitting on the floor next to them, hugging her own legs. Jisoo was holding her stomach with her hand. Eunbi looked like she was about to cry. Nabi was strangely calm.

"The CEO was looking at me," Nabi said, breaking the silence, causing everyone to turn their heads towards her.

His words would be good news if it weren't for the blank face the CEO had throughout the presentation. Nabi was flushed, looking embarrassed at her own feet. She was blaming herself.

"He was looking at all of us," Jennie said. "Do not get nervous. We already know how he is, sometimes the wires just get crossed."

"Maybe he was just thinking of a new idea," Eunbi said. "He didn't look upset. There must be a reason, right?"

When the CEO came back in, they all cringed and looked at him worriedly. Even the trainees could feel the tension and were subconsciously afraid of what he might say.

"I'm not sure what to do with you."

He said it without anaesthesia, a direct slap, he was serious, very serious. He wasn't angry, it was something worse: he didn't like PinkPunk.

"I wanted to do a reality show for PinkPunk, because people were curious about you, even the little ones," he said, giving the "future 2NE1" a quick sidelong glance. "It was a recent idea, three weeks ago. I thought it would be a good way to introduce my female artists and finish deciding the final lineup."

'Wanted to.' Jennie took a deep breath trying to stay calm. Her heart was beating like crazy. Why? What happened? She didn't get it.

"Jennie is the one I picked first, I have an eye for that. She has that charisma, that of our rappers, that YG style."

She didn't feel happy. This compliment wasn't making her feel any better. Her heart clenched in her chest with pain, because they were promises of a future that was about to be taken from her.

"No one here looks like a team. I feel like I have a bunch of solo girls fighting for attention on the same stage, not a group. As I watched them I thought: if they competed in reality, only one would survive. That's a problem, right? That shouldn't be my first thought when looking at my future group."

"And many of you still have a long way to go… you've been on a roll, you've given great performances in the last few months. What happened today?"

The CEO's gaze shifted, to Jisoo, Eunbi... and Nabi.

"Did you get nervous?" he asked. "Despite all the training, I put a little pressure on you... I give you a taste of the real world... And you break?"

He was disappointed in them. Jisoo and Eunbi looked up, enduring. A couple of tears fell down Eunbi's cheeks, but she clenched her jaw and stood strong. Jisoo had that blank look that she sometimes put on, she was tense, embarrassed, and because of that sorrow that ate at her, that rage in her eyes was also born. No one was harder on Jisoo than Jisoo herself. She didn't allow herself to lower her head, she just endured the pain, being the most stubborn person she could be, almost saying 'come on, I know you think worse, say it, I want you to say it.'

"I've been reading your mental health reports. They're a mess," he said, bringing his hand to his forehead, rubbing one of his temples. "I wanted to see it for myself. And I couldn't see anything else! Jisoo, your face looked constipated. Eunbi, you lost concentration. Nabi…" He sighed and looked at Jennie and Lisa. "You are not better. Each one thinking of herself. You looked like two soloists fighting across the stage with sloppy backup dancers. If your team fails, so do you. Why didn't you do anything to prevent it? Why didn't even the two of you maintain similar energy? Suddenly you forgot how?"

Jennie wanted to cover her face. Because it was true, the idea of dazzling the CEO had gone a little to her head. She didn't even try to watch what the others were doing, she was just watching him, trying to surprise him and trying harder and harder when she noticed his disinterest, but by doing that, she only made Jisoo, Eunbi and Nabi's mistakes more obvious, further ruining the performance. And worse, because she was also tuned out of Lisa, trying to overshadow her.

"Nabi," the CEO resumed. "If being an idol is too much for you, just leave."

Nabi was crying. It seemed that she had been doing it for a long time, since before he named her. And then... she snapped. Her face was pale, her breathing uncontrolled, and her hand went to her chest as she knelt on the ground. A panic attack.

Jennie didn't know what to do, she froze. Some teachers hurriedly pushed back their chairs to check on Nabi. Jennie didn't move. She didn't know how to help her team, how to help a colleague... how to help a friend.

What happened?

. . .

It was three in the morning. Jennie was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee. It wasn't the best idea, but there was something about it that made her feel better: the fact that it kept her awake, that it was bad, that she was aware that it was bad. It was like the PG version of drinking alcohol in a bar to drown your sorrows.

A tear escaped her, and she hurried to quickly wipe it away with her hand. All the lights were off except the one in the kitchen. Everyone was asleep, the trainees and the coordinator, who lived in the apartment next to them to oversee everything.

Nabi had left YG earlier that day, within hours of the monthly evaluation ending. She didn't even say goodbye to the others, she just ran away. Once she calmed down enough to stop crying, she went to the dorms and packed all her stuff, ignoring Jisoo telling her to calm down, Eunbi and her pleas, and even Lisa's kicked puppy dog eyes. Jennie didn't know what to say, and Nabi didn't have words for her either. Everything was fine, and suddenly it twisted like this. Nabi just left, without even telling the CEO. She just yelled at the coordinator that she hated this place and was never going back.

Jennie took a sip of coffee. It was more bitter than she usually drank, but she didn't add more sugar or try to add milk. She deserved this. She took another sip, bigger this time.

"Jennie?"

She jumped in her seat, spilling some coffee on the table. She whipped her head around, startled. Lisa was standing there, scared too by her reaction. She was still, her hand dangling in the air, about to touch her shoulder to call out to her.

"You scared me," she complained.

"Sorry," Lisa said with a small smile. She sat down with her, in the next chair. She was hesitating, she didn't even know how to put her hands on the table or if it was a good idea or not to look at Jennie. "Are you okay?"

"Perfect."

Lisa scratched her neck and looked around. She got up from the table and went to one of the drawers. She took out a rag and went back, to wipe away the spilled coffee. As she did, she touched the cup to move it and frowned.

"This is cold."

It was hard to drink coffee so black. Especially when she was distracted by bitter thoughts.

"I like it that way," Jennie said.

Lisa watched her closely. She did that a lot, instead of talking, she just hung her gaze on you and held it. Lisa's eyes were expressive and intense and sometimes she silently studied her like that, as if she could read even her darkest secrets just by keeping eye contact. In the end it was Jennie who usually lowered her eyes, unable to help feeling overwhelmed.

Lisa walked away with her mug and put it in the sink. Jennie shrank back in her seat, crossing her arms, muttering, 'I wasn't finished with it.' She said it so low that she was not heard. Jennie kept an eye on Lisa, who was moving around the kitchen, opening shelves to pull out two clean mugs. She made more coffee, as if she were alone and it was the most normal thing in the world to make two coffees at 3 in the morning.

When she came back, she placed a steaming cup in front of Jennie.

"Thanks," she said, and a smile escaped her, it was her favorite mug, the one with bear pictures.

Lisa also had coffee, although it had milk, a lot of it... Lisa didn't particularly like the taste of coffee. Jennie sometimes teased her that she was still a child. She was like her little brother. And I thought of it in the most loving way possible, not as a mockery. Unlike some trainees, who sometimes considered Lisa "too masculine" because she was rambunctious and somewhat rough like a little boy, Jennie considered her a cute little thing, she liked that she was like that.

"It's delicious," she said, and Lisa smiled proud of her work.

It was just the way she liked it: three sugars and a lot of foam. It was just a cup of instant coffee, it wasn't difficult to prepare, but it was very easy to add a little too much water and ruin the foam. Jennie had a great talent for ruining her own coffee by going too far and leaving little foam. A lot of times Lisa would do it for her for that very reason, bragging about saying "my dad is a famous chef, leave it to me". The fool acted like she wasn't making one of the easiest recipes in the world.

"Do you feel better?"

Jennie rolled her eyes as a smile escaped her. Lisa's solution to her problems was to make her coffee. On top of that, it was a good one. Somehow she managed to make the coffees that Jennie thought were the best.

"Nabi isn't coming back," Jennie said.

"Maybe…"

"I knew she was having a hard time. Not long after she joined YG, she started having panic attacks."

"I didn't know…"

"Because she was strong. Even with that against her, she was, along with me, the one who endured the most being a trainee. I was not there for her, that's why she left, I was neither a good companion nor a good friend with her."

"No, Jennie, it's not your fault," Lisa stopped her, holding out her hand to comfort her.

"We screwed it up." Jennie closed her eyes in frustration. "We made the CEO doubt. He's no longer sure we're ready to debut. It's going to slow it down, Lisa. From now on he's going to put more pressure on us, to see who can't take it, just like Nabi."

"I really don't get it, Nabi didn't look bad…"

"She was very good at putting on a mask and acting like everything was sliding off her, at projecting that relaxed nonchalance of hers. Unlike most, the psychologist observed her a lot almost since she joined the company. She... was always very sensitive to the opinion of others. Have you ever heard that when you point at someone, there are three fingers pointing at you? Nabi suffered from monthly evaluations more than anyone. She talked about the rumors around the world as long as she didn't focus on herself. She was working on it with the therapy sessions, at the same time that she was moving forward with the trainee training. The CEO had faith in her, that it was worth seeing if she could overcome the barriers in her mind. She was a bet. And in the end... he broke it today."

"I understood what you said, more or less, but you used some tricky words," Lisa said, embarrassed that she didn't know.

"I am sorry." Jennie was trying not to push Lisa too hard. She didn't like to see her struggle with languages. She knew it served her well, Jisoo for example, sometimes she said difficult words on purpose to help Lisa learn, but Jennie couldn't help but want to make it easy for her, because she didn't want to cause her frustration. "I was just... I was thinking out loud."

"You can't solve Nabi's problems," Lisa said, taking a sip of her coffee.

"I had to help her, I'm her friend."

"YG is not easy. I know that. She did too. If she couldn't take it, then she couldn't take it."

Jennie cocked her head, paying attention to Lisa. It was rare to see this darker side of her, but it existed, oh boy did it exist... Even the Sun, which was brighter than anything in the world, set once a day. Yes, Lisa was smiling and playing like a child most of the time. That innocence and ease with which she interacted with the world, was the same that could be twisted into raw and cold words. There was this idea that children said the cruelest things because they had no filters. That applied to Lisa sometimes, when she didn't have that positive attitude.

"You had your problems and Nabi had hers. It wasn't your job to carry theirs," Lisa said.

"I'm just saying I should have helped her."

"You can't help with that, it's not your problem."

"Lisa…"

"If she couldn't handle that, then that's as far as it went" she interrupted her. "It is not easy for anyone. You cry, I cry, Chaeyoung cries on the top bunk more often than you think. Eunbi also cried today and instead of running away, she stayed in the basement practicing. She still hasn't come back. You understand?"

Jennie frowned, confused by the tense tone in Lisa's voice.

"Are you angry?"

"Yes. It pisses me off that she gave up from so little."

"Panic attacks don't seem like much to you?" she asked in disbelief.

"I couldn't speak Jennie. Nothing at all! Ra-woom was laughing at me, Jin-joo was...!" Lisa clenched her jaw and her eyes watered a little. "She did ugly things to me. And last week I tried to go to a new restaurant but the owner was annoyed by my way of speaking and told me to go back to my country, he didn't want dirty Thais at his tables. And did I leave? Hey?"

"In which restaurant did they tell you that?" Jennie was horrified.

"If she can't stand her teachers correcting her, she had better leave."

It hurt. It hurt Jennie that Nabi left, that the CEO humiliated them, that there were things she couldn't control and fix no matter how much she wanted to. And she wanted to cry seeing Lisa like this, so angry because she was disappointed in Nabi. Because Lisa put up with a lot for PinkPunk and felt betrayed to understand that Nabi didn't put in that effort as well. It wasn't Nabi's fault, of course. And I knew that Lisa loved Nabi, she almost cried when she left...

But it was a hard day, not only for Jennie, Lisa was also bitter and frustrated.

"It's true that I can't solve other people's problems. You're right, I know. But Lisa. Look at me." Lisa raised her eyes and faced her, like this, without fear, direct and cheeky as only she could be. She had a little pout forming, her bottom lip sticking out, because emotions had exploded on her face and she wanted to cry, but she was also too angry to be sad, and her eyebrows gave her away, curved down. "Stop hiding those things from me. You did it with Jin-joo and you do it now. If a stupid old man says a racist insult to you, you come and tell me, that is my problem."

"It's not…"

"It is," she cut her off. "And it is for Jisoo and everyone here. Stop trying to get through everything alone, for God's sake."

"Nabi…"

"I don't give a damn. I'm not talking about her or debuting or wanting to do it all alone for your pride. Promise me. If other people hurt you, tell me."

Lisa had lost her anger, she was just wide-eyed, shocked . Jennie hadn't asked or begged for this, she had commanded it. It's not that Jennie didn't care about Nabi's situation, obviously it hurt her, but when she heard that raw truth of Lisa's life, she saw red and forgot about those things that she couldn't fix right then.

"I promise," she said in a small voice.

"Good." Jennie looked at her cup and picked it up, taking a sip. "And I'm serious."

"I'm sorry..."

Jennie sighed.

"I think... we're sensitive. All this is... too much."

Lisa was Lisa again, looking at her out of the corner of her eye with those puppy dog eyes. Jennie really wanted to stay mad. How she hated that Lisa acted like no one could do anything for her!

"I can't solve other people's problems, but I'll always take care of my friends," she said, taking another sip of coffee. "On one of our days off I'll go find Nabi. If she doesn't want to come here and try harder, fine, but she's still our friend. And we will also go to that restaurant."

Lisa walked over to Jennie, pulling the chair closer until they were joined. She felt Lisa's arms wrap around her, invading her personal space shyly.

"I'm sorry," she said again.

Jennie sighed and put the cup down on the table. She opened her arms and let Lisa settle down. She rested her head on Jennie's shoulder, burying her face in the direction of her neck. Jennie ran her fingers through her hair, combing it. It had grown, it was longer every day and it seemed that Lisa had no intention of cutting it. Part of her was sorry, her short hair was extremely adorable, but long hair suited her too, it gave her a more adult air and she looked great when she danced. She bowed her head, resting her cheek against Lisa's hair. She could smell her shampoo, it was the same one that all the trainees used since they shared the bathroom items. The scent was comforting to her, it felt like being at home, in a place she knew and where everything was fine, so she relaxed without realizing it.

"You always help me unnie, " Lisa murmured. Jennie shivered, her breath tickling her neck. "Don't feel guilty."

Jennie smiled at Lisa's attempt at comfort. It was working, not so much because of her words, but because of the way Lisa was lazily stroking her back to comfort her. Expressing herself with words was not something she was good at, but her actions made up for it. Lisa was warmer than anyone.

Jisoo was very cold-hearted, because being affectionate gave her the shivers. Nabi was never good at reading between the lines and empathizing with other people's feelings. All her other friends rarely approached her to help her, because she always dealt with everything quickly and efficiently, without complaining. And then there was Lisa, preparing her coffee just the way she liked it at dawn, giving her sweets that she won at the arcade when a monthly evaluation didn't go so well and hugging her like that, keeping her together and protected from any external evil.

"I love you," Jennie said. She wasn't sure she'd told Lisa that, or at least not enough, least of all in this way, with such an honest tone. "Thanks for being with me. You should be sleeping and yet… "

Jennie trailed off. Lisa was stuck to her like a tick since she decided to hug her, and it wasn't a problem at all, but being like this... she felt the change in her heartbeat. Lisa's heart had raced. Why was she suddenly nervous? Had Jennie said something wrong?

"I love you too," she said, and again her breath hit Jennie's neck and her skin prickled at the sensation. "Please don't give up. Stay."

She almost laughed. Was that something Lisa was worried about?

"I won't go unless they kick me out. I promise."

Lisa burrowed deeper into her shoulder, happy with her response. Jennie really liked this more mature, calmer side of Lisa. It almost never happened, most of the time she was that rambunctious girl who annoyed everyone, who jumped when she got excited and made funny faces to get attention. However, Jennie was lucky enough to be able to see further, to be in front of this fascinating side of Lisa that didn't come out in broad daylight, the one that appeared when she stopped playing and took things seriously.

Lisa suddenly pulled away, letting go of her hug but keeping one of her hands on her back so as not to break contact. She looked into her eyes, suddenly quite serious. Sometimes Lisa's mood swings surprised her. It was hard to imagine what she could be thinking and how fast her head was working.

"Let me help you too."

Jennie's eyebrows rose, wordlessly questioning.

"When you have problems, tell me too. I know I'm not good at those things, but let me help you. I want... You always take care of me. I want to do it too."

Jennie smiled fondly. Lisa was sweet, very sweet. How could she not love her?

"If you're sad, come hug me instead of crying in the kitchen," Lisa added, with a very big, smug smile.

Jennie pressed her lips together to keep from laughing and rolled her eyes.

"You just want hugs, unbelievable," she scoffed, getting up from her chair. "Come on, wandering hands. We have to sleep and work tomorrow to make up for today's mess, because you're right... we can't give up."

---

One, two, three... cut!

DIRECTOR'S NOTES- I mean, AUTHOR'S NOTES:

I'm weirdly committed to this story LOL. And I take it very seriously! I even watched Boys Over Flowers to get into the character of Lisa.(?

By the way... I know Jennie was a fan of Twilight and she also saw The Vampires Diaries, we clearly see a trend towards vampires... and I understand, love Vampire stories. Which reminds me: Did you guys know that Netflix is going to put out a sapphic vampire series soon? First Kill on June 10. Are you going to watch it? I'm going to watch it in its entirety even if it turns out to have a script that looks like a fanfic written by a 13-year-old. This is me. Yes to vampires, and ultra yes to lesbian vampires. In addition, we have to support our little sapphic content, we are almost never protagonists in series, movies or books. The w/w fanfics are great, but it's also good that we can consume content that represents us made by professionals. So try watching that series on Netflix!

Now, back on the subject of the series that Lisa and Jennie are fans of... I mean I don't know if Boys Over Flowers was something that Lisa watched and enjoyed... I haven't the faintest idea. But let's pretend so because it was the only old kdrama I found on Netflix. We know that Lisa is a fan of kdramas, that she likes romantic ones and that she practically sees every one that comes out. I trust Lisa watched Boys Over Flowers in her teens because it was a popular kdrama and she said that she watched a lot of kdramas when she was a trainee. Honestly we shouldn't ask what she saw, but rather what she didn't see. xd

I don't know if anyone notices it, but the titles not only mark dates (periods of time), but also themes. In Trainee is when they entered to be trainees, yes, but also what "motivates" them to be, the dreams and inner fire of each one. PinkPunk was actually one of the planned names for the group, and there is literally a video from 2012 of Jennie rapping where they put the PinkPunk name and logo, because they were preparing them to debut as PinkPunk. But apart from the literal part of the title, this chapter, "PinkPunk" is themed around adolescence. Punk for youth/rebellion and Pink for innocence. Playing video games, listening to music, feeling like the world is falling apart, getting piercings, fighting with friends, feeling insecure about things that are out of your control, starting to think about your physique, watching a romantic series and making the movie in your head... PinkPunk is about teenagers changing, growing up and being an emotional mess, with that happy tinge of hope, positivity and looking forward to the future.

What theme do you think Baby Monster has? If you guess the theme before that chapter uploads I'll give you a prize there.

Well well, that's all. Thank you for reading! See you next.

FOOTNOTE:

Aegyo:

literally means behaving in a flirtatious or sweet manner and is commonly expected of both male and female idols of the k-pop world. It refers to a cute display of affection that is expressed through a cute voice, facial expressions, or gestures. It's acting "cute".

In the West this act is often considered cringe , because we do not associate cute with attractive. Just as in Korea they would say that some explicit/sexual things that US celebrities do are perverted and in bad taste, we Westerners believe that it is silly/childish that some Asian countries have fun or find it cute that an adult tries to be adorable. Different points of view. There is no correct option here. So please don't think that aegyo is trying to act like a may or may not like aegyo (I generally don't like it, for example), but in the end it's just culture, it's a different social custom and that's it. We shouldn't fall into something as basic as saying "you're an adult, don't make a high-pitched voice". Many times Koreans do aegyo more for laughs than anything else, because by acting cute/exaggerated they are being funny and by being funny they are being cute/attractive. It's a game, a mockery, it's being cute and funny at the same time, it's a more passive way of trying to get someone's attention. You have to see it from that side to understand it better.

Mandu:

There are several Asian foods named in the fic, like fishcakes, but I wanted to mark Mandu as it's a recurring joke from the Pinks about Jennie: that she has mandu cheeks, that she's a mandu. Mandu is a dumpling, but Korean. It is a boiled dumpling with stuffing.