BEHIND THE PINKS (ENGLISH)

by Addicted-to-Black-Coffee

BLACKPINK. JENLISA. Characters: Jennie, Lisa, Jisoo, Rosé. Behind each important moment of Blackpink, things happen in the lives of the pinks, some happy, some sad, others as normal as those that happen to any other person in the world. This book entitled Behind The Pinks, compiles the lives of the four artists behind the scenes.

3. 3: BABY MONSTER

3

BABY MONSTER

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JENNIE

G-Dragon noticed her. The "King of K-pop " noticed Jennie.

During the monthly evaluations not only the teachers and the CEO, but sometimes also the artists and employees of the company witnessed the performance of the trainees. They never knew who would watch them, from less important people like the finance department, to star artists like CL, PSY, or G-Dragon, among others. And all of them had a voice, either because the CEO asked them something or because they had to vote before leaving on who was the most outstanding for them.

G-Dragon voted for her. Both the CEO and him had this feeling that Jennie had that "something", what they defined as the "YG style". And what was YG style? Well, Lisa defined it as "swag". Jisoo summed it up as being the black sheep of k-pop .

Jennie made an effort to present that image that she knew others liked. In general, she was very calm, rational and kind, but as for her artistic face, when facing the public, she was strong, intense, dark... she was brave. In a way, it was natural for her to be like this in public, it was a second skin that covered and protected her. The real Jennie was more introverted and embarrassed more easily, but the idol Jennie was her "cool" version, the brave one, the one who could do things that Jennie alone couldn't.

G-Dragon was going to release a new music video and they wanted her to perform in it. Or well, the CEO wanted her to and G-Dragon didn't object (or couldn't say no). As Jennie's debut was imminent, because she was one of the CEO's favorite trainees and the one who was in the company the longest,, she was given the opportunity to make her first appearance as a YG Entertainment artist. However, it was as an actress, without music and without signing a contract, just a small taste of what her life would be like once she debuted, which would be soon. Jennie would be part of the PinkPunk group. On top of that, she was the leader, the first to be revealed to the public. Working with G-Dragon would be a great promotion for their group. And her first experience with a real audience.

G-Dragon's new song was "That XX", a song about a secret crush. Jennie should act as the love interest. Yes, G-Dragon, the king of k-pop, was going to pretend to be in love with her. Jennie was about to fulfill the dream of half the teenage girls in Korea. Nothing very important, no pressure...

The adults had assured her that it would really just be a couple of hugs and then solo scenes similar to photo shoots, so she didn't have to be nervous. Jennie was hyperventilating anyway. Her hugging G-Dragon? The best rapper in Korea? The attractive and talented millionaire singer of the group Big Bang? Big Bang, which Jennie was a fan of since before she came back to Korea? Yeah, nothing too big, no pressure...

Miyeon had been jealous (in a good way) that Jennie would get a chance to be with G-Dragon. Teasing her, she told her that maybe G-Dragon would kiss her or ask her out after recording with her. She invented the hypothetical dream situation of any 16-year-old, in which the handsome, all-encompassing guy would notice her, a simple teenager. And so now Jennie was embarrassed on set, because she couldn't help but remember everything Miyeon had said to her the night before: "Oh, he's so hot, so handsome, and you're lucky to be with him! To hug him! You have to tell me what he smells like, I need to know what kind of cologne G-Dragon uses; What if he gives you his number? What if you ask for his number?! He's muscular, do you think you'll notice when he hugs you?" No pressure, of course...

Jennie was sitting in a folding chair in the middle of the large shed where they were filming. Many people were around her, but she was silent, just watching. There was a table nearby with a thermos of hot drink and a packet of cookies. The floor was cement. With the ceiling so high, the space was and felt huge. False constructions filled the emptiness of the place, small rooms with three walls and no ceiling built inside the shed, simulating real rooms of a Gothic-style mansion.

"She's a future debut artist and her name is Jennie," G-Dragon said, waving his hand at her. He was sitting in another chair a few feet away from her. "Say hello."

The man who was following G-Dragon all day to film him behind the scenes turned the camera to record her as well. Jennie giggled, very embarrassed. Her words were held back by embarrassment and she lowered her head, wanting to bury herself in her own legs to keep from speaking. Her head went blank, she never expected him to speak to her in the first place.

"The camera will follow you everywhere once you debut," G-Dragon told her with a smile. "Get used to it."

Jennie was still shy, smiling sheepishly. To save her, he drew the camera's attention to himself.

"Even though I'm not used to this yet..." G-Dragon laughed.

"Why don't you teach her what you know?" The cameraman recommended.

"What I know?" he asked, getting up, looking around with some disinterest. "Just say anything." G-Dragon raised his hand, covering the camera lens.

The cameraman stopped the recording, laughing.

"Don't touch the lens, brute!"

"It's just that you're such a nosy camera…" he complained with a half smile, then turned and spoke gently to Jennie. "Was it too much?"

Jennie shook her head, she was about to apologize but G-Dragon beat her to it:

"I'm a bit shy too, but don't be paralyzed by that. It will be easier with your partners. If you are with good friends, you forget the camera. When I record with the Big Bang guys, everything feels natural. The same will happen to you."

"Thank you." Jennie gave a quick little bow, because she was still sitting. "I'll try to relax."

"And have fun," he recommended. "What do you think of the set?"

"Well…amazing. I have never been in such a place."

"I hate it, they made me get into a tub full of water with my clothes on. Directors make you do weird things," he complained, making Jennie laugh. "Do not be afraid of me. I'm not criticizing you or anything like that. You're new and young, I know what it feels like. Just try hard, let's do our best."

Jennie nodded repeatedly and enthusiastically. She was probably no different than any other Big Bang fan, after all, she was really happy for this opportunity to meet one of the group members.

G-Dragon had a soft and calm voice in real life. It reminded her of herself, of the way she turned the switch on and off. There was Jennie the rapper, and Jennie. G-Dragon was the same, when the camera was off, he was quite a relaxed and calm person.

"Get yourself a cup of tea without fear," G-Dragon offered, pointing with a vague movement of his hand to the table, then he stroked his own neck, saying goodbye with a nod and starting to walk away towards the director. "And if you need help with anything, tell me. Mr. Yang will kill me if anything happens to you. And I guess it's my duty to help new YG artists. Being older, experienced, my responsibility, blah blah blah ..."

"Thank you very much for everything." Jennie raised her voice for him to hear.

G-Dragon gave her a thumbs up, without turning around to look at her and left her alone. Jennie hesitated, but grabbed the thermos and poured herself some. Drinking it, she let out a sigh. It was herbal tea, she didn't recognize which one. The place felt a bit chilly, but the warmth of the tea was comforting and helped her relax. G-Dragon wasn't that intimidating and didn't act weird like Miyeon implied. Everything was fine. She took another drink of tea.

The calm did not last long, since the director called her. She got up and ran to him. She bowed to introduce herself.

"They're going to prepare you now. Then you'll go to the bed and we'll tell you how to pose," the director said without looking at her, focused on the screens in front of him.

She swallowed hard and nodded. Speaking was intimidating. Suddenly she really wanted to drink more relaxing tea, but she didn't have time: two women came up to her and guided her and half pushed her to sit on a folding chair where they began to fix her without even asking her permission. There were no mirrors, she was in a corner of the shed without disturbing the others. She imagined that the makeup artists did a good job, but she couldn't help but feel insecure because they handled her like a rag doll to transform to their liking. They made her change in a bathroom and then touched up her makeup and did her hair (and this time, they did it standing up).

As she approached her proper set, which was like a princess' room, she timidly sat down on the bed. The decorations looked expensive, but she quickly noticed that the mattress was old and uncomfortable. Even the beds in the trainee dorms weren't that bad. Even sniffing the air, she noticed the dampness, the old dust on the fabric. Jennie didn't want to know where they got that bed. At least the cover looked relatively new.

G-Dragon approached the set. Jennie wanted to die. She wasn't sure why being around this boy scared her so much. She had already kissed several! But she hadn't hung out with famous boys like him…and she hadn't snuggled up to anyone besides her friends, either. Ugh, what nerves, she didn't even know him and she had to do this. She took a deep breath and tried to smile as calmly and kindly as possible.

"I hope you've gotten used to the cameras by now, or you'll be in big trouble now," he teased, standing next to her. He was taller than Jennie. And when she was sitting and he was standing a few feet away, it made her feel even smaller.

"Are you afraid of a girl?" the director teased him, coming over and slapping him roughly on the shoulder. "Sit close. Jennie, rest your head on his shoulder, I want you guys to hold each other in a way that feels intimate."

G-Dragon hesitated and awkwardly sat down next to Jennie. The director moved his hands together exaggeratedly, indicating that they should come closer. He obeyed.

"Better in the center of the bed, arrange the cushions. We need it to look comfortable and warm."

An assistant helped to order everything in an aesthetic way and both were accommodated fulfilling the requests of the director. They were finally alone in bed.

"I know, think of me as the boy you like, surely that will help you act, that's what I do. Or I think of some pretty model or something," G-Dragon said with an unsure tone. "This doesn't have to be awkward…"

Was he saying it for her or for himself?

"No... I don't like anyone," she clarified, embarrassed.

The idea of imagining someone intimately when surrounded by at least thirty people was very off-putting. She would just blush up to her ears with embarrassment and guilt, and everyone would see it... and they would surely think that she was like this because of G-Dragon, and then they would think the worst of her: that she was a hormonal teenager."

G-Dragon sighed and scratched his own cheek.

"It feels weird doing this with a young girl." His eyes widened in panic and he justified himself: "It's not that I think you... it wasn't an insult, it's just that…" He closed his eyes in annoyance, sorting his thoughts, and then clarified: "You're 16 , you know? I'm 24. I don't want you to feel like I touch you weird... I only see you as a kid, as my co-worker. Don't think badly of me, I'm not a freak. Yang said this would help your group get into the press and I want to help, I have no other intentions," he stammered, speaking slower and lower each time. "Teenage girls come up to me all the time, so... I'll make it clear: no. Please think of me as your older brother."

Jennie gave a nervous giggle. At least she wasn't the only one nervous.

"All my friends think I'm going to hug one of the most handsome guys in the industry and they make me feel weird. I'd never do something like that. I don't know... I never thought of you that way, I swear, I... "

"Okay, I believe you. So think no more. Just do it and go. I'm G-Dragon and you're Jennie from Pinkpunk, and we're going to fake a tragic romance, that's all. It doesn't mean anything. Let's ignore the pests who make up weird stories about us. Yeah? You just enjoy your moment: that you are going to appear in an MV and learn from this. Don't get distracted by gossip. I speak from experience, don't let others ruin your opportunities."

That G-Dragon had said that took a weight off her chest. She was just doing her job and he was doing his. She should focus on learning from her senior, not worrying about things that didn't exist. Who knows, maybe he even had a girlfriend already... G-Dragon was famous and an adult in his mid twenties, and Jennie was a trainee.

The director yelled action and they acted: he put her arm around her and she leaned on his shoulder. It was awkward, but little by little they got closer. Not close enough, since the director asked for another repetition, even more intimate. They brought their legs closer, brushing against each other, but G-Dragon began to laugh out of anxiety and she did the same, infected. This was so weird! She didn't know if it was from the talk or from being watched by lots of eyes, but it didn't feel intimate, just weird. She didn't feel comfortable in his arms, G-Dragon's muscles were tense. At times she forgot to breathe, because she was paralyzed from overthinking how to act normal. At one point, when the director said they would do a third take from the beginning and gave them a little breathing room, G-Dragon took the opportunity to tease her. He asked her to breathe, and he swore he had showered several times that day because of the scene in the tub, so he didn't stink.

"Those baths were just water. What about soap?" Jennie said slyly, gaining confidence.

"Hey!" He laughed. "Don't do that to my ego. Wasn't I your celebrity crush or something?"

"I did not say that. My friend said that."

"Ugh... my ego... don't tell me you like someone else," he dramatized with a half smile.

"Taeyang is my favorite from Big Bang, to be honest..."

G-Dragon put his hand to his chest, to his heart.

"Okay, I can't blame you, sometimes I have a crush on him too. But don't tell him! Or I'll tell him he's your crush".

Jennie laughed out loud.

"I promise," she agreed.

"Great, now that we're confidants, come closer. Come on, we already have confidence."

"Are you sure you used soap?"

"Kidsthese days…" he complained, reaching up to cup her head. He aimed poorly, so he covered almost her entire face with his palm.

"What...?" Jennie tried to back away, but she held her tight.

"Bah, this suits you. So you don't smell my sweat or see my face, so you forget that I'm G-Dragon and not Taeyang."

Jennie giggled and relented, letting G-Dragon do that weird pose where he covered her eyes and nose.

"Cut!" said the director. "It does not have to be this way."

Jennie quickly pulled away, looking at the director and his directions. She laughed at the correction and exhausted look of the director.

"Do I look that bad?" G-Dragon lamented.

"Didn't you realize? We'd better change our position," the director decided.

"So I did look bad…"

The shooting got easier as time went on. G-Dragon didn't care much, he would say comments like "bah, I did more romantic things with Seungri" and Jennie couldn't take it seriously. He treated her like one of his own. G-Dragon would joke around between scenes, get serious to give and take instructions when needed, and as soon as the camera came on, he was the most professional one there.

The director made them change positions all the time, feeling all artificial, without generating a strange moment between them. What Jennie loved most about being in G-Dragon's MV was being able to work. It felt like an accomplishment to be standing next to the director, looking at the screens to decide how to make it better. There was no time for teenage girlishness, she was doing her first job. Before she knew it, she didn't even remember who G-Dragon was, she was just enjoying acting, happy to win the director's approval or a compliment from one of the make-up artists, cameramen...

Jennie had to stay longer than G-Dragon, since once he finished all his individual scenes and was in a couple with her, the director took the opportunity to do individual shots with Jennie, since her shots were the least important in the schedule.

Before he left, G-Dragon in the distance gave her both thumbs up to wish her luck on the rest of the shoot. He acted like an idiotic child all day with her, and oddly enough, she felt well taken care of by him. Jennie didn't have any siblings, but it gave her a feeling that G-Dragon might be that kind of figure for her. He advised her, protected her from annoying cameramen, encouraged her with a little push when she got shy... He felt like a role model throughout the shoot, even someone she could see herself in. She didn't know him beyond television and his videos, but having had the opportunity to learn more about the real him... made her respect him. Admiration for him grew in her chest with this realization, that he was an honest boy who made things clear and easy, and was someone who put effort into his work. She wanted to be as cool as him. She wanted to be powerful like G-Dragon in front of a camera to impress the public, and with a good heart for her peers and a down-to-earth attitude when the spotlight went out. G-Dragon was the leader of Big Bang and Jennie would be the leader of PinkPunk. They were both the main rappers of their groups. They both had that switch, an aggressive character that contrasted with a calm real personality.

"Think of me as your big brother." Yes, Jennie was already beginning to feel that way. She felt silly, because she hardly knew him, but she liked the idea of imitating him, reaching as high as him, learning from G-Dragon, the "King of K-pop " and becoming Jennie, "the Queen of K-pop ."

Was she being too ambitious to always dream big?

. . .

August 31, 2012 was the day she started getting fans. Almost at the same time, the video 'YG Trainee - JENNIE KIM (김제니)' in which she had rapped, revealing herself as the first member of PinkPunk and the MV 'G-DRAGON - THAT XX (그 XX)' in which she acted was published on official networks. She felt so happy, so fulfilled... but soon people began to comment and everything was ruined.

YG Entertainment was a power company that was in its prime, thanks to PSY with his song "Gangnam Style" and its successful groups 2NE1 and Big Bang. The pressure became real: Would she be enough to fill the shoes of her seniors? No one wanted to be the artist who ruined their company's hot streak. The Korean media began to talk and speculate, K-pop commented without caring about her, many loved her and considered her extremely talented, others were just plain haters.

The worst were not the fans of groups from other companies, but the fans of YG Entertainment, the 'YG stans'. The VIPs (Big Bang fans) and the Blackjacks (2NE1 fans) showed no mercy. They didn't like that she had been in G-Dragon's music video. That she was privileged, they said. That she acted badly, they said. That she wasn't as special as the other YG artists, they said. They weren't welcoming, especially when during G-Dragon's album promotions that infamous news broke...

Jennie's heart had jumped out of her chest when one of the coordinators called her in the middle of one of her classes to tell her about that news. He didn't explain anything to her as he led her, they just walked in silence through the corridors, making Jennie start to sweat and get anxious, fearing the worst: expulsion. The coordinator made her sit in her office and gave her a tablet without saying a word. Jennie started reading the article that was on the screen. Considering the number of views, she could already tell that it had gone viral in Korea within a day of being posted. The text read:

Kim Jennie is from 96 and I'm from 95, so we were in the same grade in New Zealand. Kim Jennie came to New Zealand to study abroad in primary school and attended ACG Parnell College until she was six months into her junior year of high school before returning to Korea to attend a high school in Chungdam. She was then chosen by YG. Her face was always pretty, I don't think any work was done as her face is exactly how I remember it back then.

Sorry, what? What the hell was this? Who the hell was that girl? What did she say about her face? Why was she talking about that in the first place? Was it rumors about plastic surgery? She didn't do it, the company knew it, she couldn't possibly be in trouble for it…

Read on:

When I was studying abroad in 2010, I was in the same class as her. It hadn't been that long since I arrived, so my English was poor and I became a victim of ostracism by Kim Jennie and her foreign friends.

'What the fuck?' she thought. Jennie's eyes were wide open and her heartbeat pounded loudly in her chest.

Then I thought about suicide because it was very difficult to bear. I realize that the internet is on fire with T-ara's bullying problem, but in my opinion, Kim Jennie was just as bad, if not worse...

This kind of news had recently exploded in Korean media. Like hot cakes, news began to come out of different celebrities who harassed peers, at school or work... Was she really going to have the bad luck of being the new k-pop idol who did bullying? She hasn't even debuted yet! This had to be a bad joke, a horrible nightmare... First Nabi... Now this? Jennie felt her throat tighten.

As far as personality, everything has to go her way... She would throw juice, garbage and balls at me and laugh while doing it... Seeing someone who tortured me in the past getting ready to go on TV as a celebrity as if her past doesn't matter makes me sick. I never used to believe any of the rumors surrounding other celebrities, but now I can see that there would be no smoke without fire.

I'm not jealous of her fame or her looks or anything... I admit she's pretty. I'm also not a fan of Big Bang or any other group; I have no interest in those things. I don't care if she's in G-Dragon's MV or if YG keeps promoting her. My point is that I just want people to see who she really is .

Jennie didn't know whether to laugh or cry. This was so ridiculous, so malicious...

She continued reading, her vision beginning to blur as tears threatened to fall. At the end of the article, a couple of yearbook photos from her former school were shown (along with Jennie's signature) as photographic proof of her claims.

"Read the comments too, please," the coordinator said in a soft voice, she had gotten up and read over her shoulder as well.

Jennie obeyed. The first one, with the most likes, over 200, read:

[+235, -13]* It's not like Yang Hyun Suk knew what kind of girl she was. She probably chose her because she had the skills, regardless of her past. I really hate the fact that someone who bullied someone else can debut because it's so pathetic that it can make someone want to kill themselves so easily and yet she's trying to create a better life for herself by becoming a singer or an actress. .tsk tsk.

But she didn't... She didn't do that... Never... What... what had the girl said? That she threw garbage at her and she laughed? What kind of movie was that? She didn't do that, the teachers wouldn't have allowed it...

[+201, -7] You need to get an apology from Kim Jennie... How upsetting must it be to see someone who did something like that to you in the past come out on television in front of you?

[+193, -10] Yang Hyun Suk isn't looking for anything other than skill. It's not like she chose her knowing her personality. Kim Jennie herself should have known she wouldn't... And it's because people like her who debut in the industry give way to possibly becoming the second T-ara... who knows?

[+53, -2] The girl Youngbae tweeted about having a girlfriend was Kim Jennie... and the girl in GD's new MV is Kim Jennie... It's so obvious that YG is trying to promote her LOL It's pathetic.

Girlfriend? Jennie's skin prickled. Girlfriend of a girl? Second T-ara? What else were they saying about her on the internet?

The worst thing about all of this was that she couldn't remember meeting another Korean girl during her time in New Zealand. But whoever this person was, maybe she really knew her, or someone very close to her, because she knew about it, that kiss...

Was she being slandered by someone who was present at one of the parties she went to while she was in New Zealand? Did that someone witness her when she kissed a girl, or did she just hear rumors and spread them?

Why was she doing this, who was this person? Was she really jealous of something? Was she repulsed that Jennie had kissed a girl and became infatuated with hating her? Or... Was she a fan of G-Dragon?

She said she wasn't doing it because she's a Big Bang fan... so the person who wrote that must definitely be a K-pop fan. She defended herself because she knew very well what would be the reasons why her story would be questioned. Only a liar thinks of excuses and ahead of questions. And she did something very common in Korea, writing those anonymous letters... That person was Korean, and she was the only Korean in her class.

But how did she get a signed yearbook picture? She had signed the yearbook of all her classmates in New Zealand, she still talked to some of them very occasionally and interacted on social networks with almost all her former classmates...

She also told things to her classmates here , in high school who enrolled in Korea. What if it was one of them, who got in touch with one of her friends from New Zealand?

One of her current friends in Korea was doing this to her...

And one of her friends from New Zealand was helping...

People close to her were betraying her...

It hurt, and read on:

[+52, -2] I really don't like her... Anyone can say she's only famous for her company and Big Bang.

Jennie felt a sharp pain in her chest, pressing down on her, taking her breath away. She pursed her lips, holding back her emotions, and looked at another tab that was open on the notebook. She didn't read the news, she went straight to the comments. There was a huge one, going point by point explaining what they thought:

It's G-Dragon's song and G-Dragon's music video, but when you search for her name, Kim Jennie takes up 2/3 of the information presented. Is that Kim Jennie singing? YG, stop in your media play, will you? I wouldn't even mind if she had talent, but she can't act at all. She has one or two facial expressions and that's it LOL. YG keeps saying that she was added because she fits in the MV but she can't perform. They should have called an actress or model. Or maybe even the other mystery girl in the black and white image.

Jennie started to cry. She didn't even notice, her tears just started to fall. It was hard for her to read, everything was blurry, but she couldn't stop .

GD's comeback in mid-September and the girl group debut is in October HAHAHA. In March, YG said that GD would be making a comeback in August, but they pushed it back a month so they could use it to promote their girl group. GD can't even promote properly due to the delay as it overlaps with the tour! GD's album cover looks like it could have been done in five minutes in Photoshop...and yet Kim Jennie's promotional video is so high quality hahahahahahaha. YG releasing media play with GD's name for the new girl group saying that GD will be their producer. GD and Big Bang = YG girl group promoters. Yes, the numbers 1-5 are YG's fault and not Kim Jennie's fault, but that's why we can't see her in a positive light. The company is trying too hard to put her in the spotlight at the expense of others.

Jennie put her hands to her face, tried to clean up the mess. The snot began to appear and she sniffed trying not to fall. Pathetic, she looked horrible, in front of the coordinator and in front of the whole country.

"Can you tell me if it's true? The truth. We don't care if you actually did that, we just care about efficiently clearing your name. We can do a better job if we know the truth." said the coordinator.

"It's all fake."

"Jennie…"

"Even the comments say it's media play, please!" She sobbed, flustered. "My... my friends, my teachers... I... I can contact them, I will, I will do it right now, they can confirm it for you. I never did anything bad to a classmate, you have to believe me please."

The coordinator sighed heavily and profusely.

"Do you think I'm that kind of person?" Jennie asked desperately.

"Then I'll ask you for contact numbers so we can review what happened. For now, I think it's best if you get out of the public eye for a while."

Big tears fell down her cheeks.

"You can't… I don't…"

"It's normal for an artist to take time to reflect after a scandal. Everybody does. You're still a trainee , so there's no need for a public apology…"

"I didn't do anything," she said, feeling defeated.

"I already told you, the truth doesn't matter, but to clear your name. With the MV strategy, the idea was to boost the group, but we made a mistake and only ended up sinking it. The fans are jealous, we wanted to give you an image of a girl crush, a rebellious girl who does what she wants, who dates bad boys and has self-confidence... but now everyone thinks that you are a girl who does bullying. And, depending on who you ask, you're also a lesbian."

She felt her face heat up. Between the snot and the flush, she must have looked horrible… Jennie sniffed again. The coordinator took pity on her and handed her a box of tissues.

"You already knew you weren't going to debut anytime soon anyway, Jennie... PinkPunk is over. They were going to debut in October, but scandal or no scandal, you knew the project was cancelled, they couldn't even record the songs…"

First Nabi, then this... it hurt so much.

"Then when?" she asked, resigned.

"Next year we'll see."

. . .

When she returned to the practice room, all the trainees looked at her like she was a circus monkey. She realized right away: they all already knew the news. Some even had phones in hand, still browsing the internet. She felt humiliated. Her classmates, her friends, her teachers, everyone... Her mother. Oh no, her mom. She didn't dare look at her own phone. She was terrified of the messages or calls she might find there.

"You're finally here," Jisoo said, drawing everyone's attention. "Can we go back to practice, please? I have no intention of being the next to be eliminated…"

As if they had all received a bucket of cold water, they put away their phones and moved to the center of the room.

"Girls," Jennie called to everyone in the room, steeling herself. "Do you believe that it's true?"

"Oh yeah," Jisoo said, sounding angry. "And Lisa killed kittens for good luck before going on stage and dancing. Jinny sold drugs at breaks to pay for a trip to Disneyland, Miyeon went nude in the river, and I'm a serial killer. User Lies6664 said so. What kind of idiot doesn't believe him?"

"Nudism, seriously? Why couldn't I be the serial killer?" Miyeon complained.

"Because I'm the one who's going to kill all those damn liars."

Well Jisoo was angry. Jennie smiled weakly.

"Thank you girls."

"Don't read the comments," Lisa said.

"I wish I could take your advice... "

" Nah ," Jennie said, "I don't care what anyone says, I read the first one and I knew it was just people giving their opinions without knowing anything. I would never waste my time on that, I have a lot of work to do that is more important…"

"You really don't mind?" Miyeon asked.

"No." She said, "Can we turn on the music now and start?"

Jennie worked twice as hard that day. When she went to bed, she ignored her phone. For three days she avoided from her mother, until the coordinator caught her in a hallway and told her that her mother had called the company concerned. "I'm fine," she told her, when she finally accepted her phone call. "I don't care, I'm just angry about the delay of the debut," she justified. Luckily, her mom didn't believe her. The next day a delivery man showed up at YG Entertainment with a huge bouquet of blue roses for Jennie Kim. When Jennie looked on her phone, her mom had sent her a short message, two emojis: a blue heart and a red rose.

Jennie had sat on her bed, hugging the flowers, and Lisa had come over to her, sitting next to her, to read to her in broken but emotional Korean, what that gift meant:

"Blue is sym… symbolize, symbolizes! the trust, the fidelity and the feelings that last...last...last, last in time. Uh... The meaning of blue roses... Trust, affection, harm?, new possibilities, freedom and tranquility. By sending them you will be telling that good friend how much you trust their advice and that they are one of your pillars of support."

Jennie placed the flowers on her pillow. She craned her neck, checking what Lisa was reading. The text said harmony, not harm. She didn't correct her, however, as she was reading better than she would have expected. She was proud of how much she advanced in the language.

Harm, harmony... Who knew the difference? Lisa clearly doesn't. Jennie had to smile fondly. Lisa didn't have to work to make her smile.

"I don't know what pillars are," she confessed, opening another page with more meanings and waiting for it to load. "Did I tell you that I really like flowers? My grandmother likes flowers, I used to help her with her garden... Oh, here!" Lisa cleared her throat and continued reading. "The blue rose is considered an ex... extra... ugh …"

"Extraordinary." Jennie read over her shoulder, laughing softly as she watched Lisa struggle. She narrowed her eyes adorably, as if the problem was her eyesight and not the difficulty of the word. "And I didn't know you liked flowers. You should tell me more often about them."

"That is why giving or receiving blue roses communicates the need to process. Nope, express. To a person who is unique, special and... um... "

"Indispensable in your life," Jennie helped and continued reading, resting her chin on Lisa's shoulder for greater comfort: "blue roses can symbolize dreams that seem very difficult to reach. In case someone close to you is in a difficult situation, is stressed or nervous, give them a bouquet of blue roses, you will help them to be calmer and face their problems with greater tranquility…"

"Your mom is very sweet," Lisa murmured.

"Did you understand what I read?"

"Almost everything," she said and laughed at herself.

"You are also very sweet for telling me the meaning of the flowers. Thanks."

"The Internet did the work..." she apologized, embarrassed.

Jennie moved away from Lisa to grab her phone. Lisa looked curiously but didn't ask anything. She looked at her booked numbers and called.

"Mom," she greeted, when the other end of the line answered. "Thanks. I love you very much."

---

LISA

"Bambam, can I ask you something?" Lisa said in Thai.

Bambam was drinking an iced tea, so he didn't speak, just nodded as he brought the drink to his mouth, prompting her to continue.

He and Lisa were very close friends, both born in Thailand in 1997, she from Buriram province and he from Bangkok. They had not met in Korea, but in Bangkok. Both, thanks to their mothers, had become interested in the world of music, specifically dance. Their talent led them to join the dance group "We Zaa Cool" and they did many rehearsals and competitions together. They became good friends, with a common dream: Korea and K-pop . With that goal, Bambam auditioned and left Thailand to try his hand at being an idol at JYP Entertainment. A year later, Lisa dared to try auditioning as well, entering YG Entertainment. They maintained their friendship through social networks and after a year apart, both were together again in Korea and it didn't take them long to see each other again, taking advantage of some of their days off to hang out. They liked to joke that fate kept them together, that the universe wanted them to be friends for life, and even that it was possible that their souls were so intertwined because they were friends in their past lives.

"Do you remember that girl, the one who liked to read manga and watch anime?" Lisa asked.

"Which one?"

"Your first kiss."

"Oh." Bambam giggled, taken by surprise. "I clearly remember her."

Lisa looked at her own drink. They were in a restaurant, outside. It was a cheap place, with no waiters, where you went to get what you wanted from the bar and then sat at one of the outside tables, under an umbrella. The weather that day was nice, a little cloudy, so they weren't roasting in the sun.

"Lisa, tell me. What's going on?"

She was being weird and he noticed it. Sigh. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to ask him about this. She didn't want to upset the others, but at the same time she needed to externalize it before she ended up kicking something in frustration...

"Why did you do it?" Kiss her?" she asked, looking into his eyes.

"Because... I wanted to?" He hesitated, because the conversation was strange. " Why are you so serious?" he complained then, and made a joke : "You make me feel like I'm cheating on you... You know you're the number one woman in my life. Right?"

"No, but... it's not that." Lisa leaned back in her seat, uncomfortable. She couldn't believe she was actually asking Bambam this. Bambam! But it wasn't something she could talk about with her friends, it would be even worse... What other option did she have? Her mom? No, thanks. She could talk about everything with her, but suddenly this topic was a line she didn't want to cross, because it embarrassed her. " What was attractive to you? What made her feel different from a male friend. Why don't you want to kiss a boy but you want to kiss a girl?"

Bambam narrowed his eyes, as if judging her as he took another sip of iced tea. He scratched his head and concluded:

"Why would I want to kiss a boy?"

"Bambam…" she lamented. Conversation felt impossible and he wasn't helping.

"I don't know what to tell you Lisa, she…"

"Not Thai!"

Lisa and Bambam fell silent and looked up. Jackson Wang appeared, a tray of fried chicken in hand and a beaming smile. He was a trainee , one of Bambam's classmates and friends. The three of them were united by the fact that they were foreigners in Korea, since Jackson was from China.

"Well, now I really want to kiss a boy," Bambam joked, looking at the food. "At last, friend, I was starving."

"The line was long." Jackson sat down in the available chair between them. "What did you say? Do I get a kiss for buying fried chicken?"

"Lisa doesn't understand why I like girls."

"What don't you understand? You just have to look at their ass and you'll understand."

"There's a girl present," Bambam was startled.

"We all look at that. Don't girls look at other girls' asses, even if it's just to criticize?"

"Jackson…" Bambam warned.

"What?" he asked with an innocent tone and a cheeky smile.

"But not like this…" Lisa put in. "I mean: You just look at her and think she's sexy?"

"Well, it depends, there are degrees…" Jackson shifted in his chair, raising his hands to gesture, as if he were a teacher in a class. "Curves catch your eye first." In the air he drew the exaggerated silhouette of a woman with large breasts and hips. Bambam shook his head, laughing as he grabbed some fried chicken. "Then you feel curious and want to see more. Then you see her face and then you stop caring so much about her ass. Because you say 'wow, an angel'. And well, a man is a man... only your head explodes."

"Which head?" Bambam scoffed.

Jackson's eyes widened in panic.

"The one above!" He clarified, and hit Bambam's shoulder with his fist in irritation. "I didn't mean that and you know it. I was just saying that you stop thinking," he said, now looking at Lisa to complete his thought, "because she is very pretty and you just keep admiring her because she is a Goddess."

"How romantic," Bambam sang, chewing on the chicken.

Lisa let out a tired sigh. For many reasons, it was terrible to identify with what Jackson had described. Jackson took a piece of fried chicken and then pushed the plate over to Lisa, so she could eat as well.

"I'm not hungry," she denied.

Bambam stopped chewing and Jackson didn't even take a bite of his food.

"I don't really look at girls' asses that much, I was just exaggerating to be funny," Jackson said, worried that he had offended her.

"Why don't you want to kiss a boy but a girl?" said Bambam, thinking. "That's what you said before. But why do you ask that?" As if a lightbulb had gone off in his head, he asked, "Lisa, did you...?"

"What kind of question is that?" Jackson laughed, cutting him off. "I don't kiss a boy because he doesn't turn me on. Simple. Lisa doesn't kiss girls because she doesn't feel hot for them, but for boys…"

Bambam ignored Jackson.

"Lisa... Do you want to kiss a girl?"

"No, I don't..."

"Ehh, you're turning red," Jackson pointed out amused, but his smile fell slowly, beginning to understand. "You are, you're turning red!"

Lisa put her hands to her face, embarrassed to death.

"I didn't know who else to ask," she groaned, letting her head drop to the table.

"You want to kiss a girl," Bambam stated, still processing.

"Just kissing, or all that ass, angel, boom and goddess?" Jackson wanted to clarify.

"It was higher, to be honest," Lisa murmured.

"What?" Bambam said, raising an eyebrow.

"Which is team tits and not team ass," Jackson translated.

"What is wrong with you?" said Bambam, beginning to laugh.

Lisa looked at the exchange confused.

"That's it? I tell you that it crossed my mind to kiss a girl and you...?" She gestured nervously towards the table, alluding to the lighthearted conversation between them.

"Oh, Lisa…" Bambam cooed, noticing the slight pout that appeared on her face. "Sorry, sorry. It did surprise me, a lot, but I don't know, you're still the Lisa I've known forever and Jackson is still the same asshole who distracts me with his idiocies. What am I gonna say?" A slightly evil smile touched his lips. "Besides wondering who the hell has boobs big enough to blow your head off?"

" Same ," Jackson said, slapping the table with his hand. "We want the juicy details…"

"Is she one of the YG trainees?" Bambam asked.

"Have you kissed her yet?" Jackson added.

"Do you only care about gossip?"

"Yes," the two boys said in unison.

"Doesn't it surprise you even a little bit that I could be...?"

"Gay? Someone in my family is, secretly, but I accidentally caught him at a party I crashed," Jackson commented. "I'm already cured of fear. It's pretty funny, nobody talks about it because it's wrong, but somehow I have a lot of gay friends... I don't know how it happened." Jackson frowned. "Do I give off any gay vibes by accident?"

"Besides, it's not so frowned upon in Thailand, especially compared to Korea..." Bambam said, "and I watched series and movies with gay characters on television... And the girl from my first kiss? I remember that she liked yaoi * and she made me read some yuri* ..."

"Why do you like the weird ones? I never read that, but…" Jackson trailed off as a small tear trickled down Lisa's cheek. "Bambam you made her cry."

"What? I didn't." He was upset, and as he looked at Lisa, guilt washed over him. "Lisa, are you okay?"

"I'm just…it's so much," she said with a watery smile. Jackson took some unused napkins from the table and offered them to her. Lisa wiped her face. "I've been thinking about this for so long, and the internet, and the comments on Twitter about being grossed out that Jennie could be a lesbian, and I didn't get it because I like boys too and there were already rumors about some gay male trainees and everyone else seemed awkward and I don't…I don't…"

"That girl seriously blew her head off," Jackson said and Bambam slapped him on the shoulder to shut him up.

"Don't tell anyone," Lisa said suddenly. "Please, you can't—"

"I won't," Bambam soothed her.

"I'm not a backstabber. I would never tell a friend's secrets," Jackson said.

Lisa sighed. Suddenly, she felt lighter. It was good to be understood by your friends.

"I don't know why, but I felt like I'd been lying for a long time."

"That's normal. There are no secrets between friends. Being unable to tell your friends about something you like? Who wouldn't mind that?" Jackson said.

"You seriously don't think this is weird?" Lisa asked.

"We all change," Bambam soothed her. "When we were kids I called you Pokpak and now you're Lisa noona* . This is just another small change." Bambam smiled. "Besides, it's not a big deal that we suddenly have more likes in common." Lisa laughed. "I'm serious! How can girls not call your attention? You're all so pretty, so much so that it's unfair…"

"Pokpak?" Jackson repeated, laughing.

"That was her nickname when her name was Pranpriya," Bambam explained.

"I still want to know who you like, Lisa."

"Guys…"

"Is it Jennie?" Bambam guessed with a mischievous smile.

Lisa was surprised, jumping slightly in her chair in shock, as if someone had caught her stealing something.

"What? But how...?" She lowered her voice, as if it were a secret. "How did you know?"

"Lisa, Lisa…" he said, as if he were an adult much more experienced than he was. "Besides the fact that you mentioned the possibility that she is a lesbian a few minutes ago…" Jackson snapped his fingers, agreeing with Bambam, "I'm your best friend, we've known each other since childhood... and I know that your obsession with seeing Jennie in everything is not normal."

"Did you always know I liked her?" Lisa's mouth was open.

"Well, no. But now that you tell me that girls also make you tick , I know how to add two plus two. It's not like you have so many friends, and your social circle isn't huge either, I know everyone..."

"Men think a little too, from time to time," joked Jackson, who had been eating the fried chicken she left behind. "Come on Lisa, take some too, no girl is important enough to ignore fried chicken."

Lisa giggled and grabbed some food too. As she chewed, Bambam showed off his detective skills,

"Jinny is a very good friend of yours, or Jisoo, but you never obsessed over them. You always say things like Jennie was the best in the monthly evaluation, that Jennie tried such a thing and then you did it too, that Jennie has piercings and you wanted one, that Jennie helped you with this and that... Or like what was the video of yours that they posted this year on YG's YouTube account?"

" Who's that girl ?" Jackson helped. "Wasn't it like March? Or May?"

"Yes, the one in which Lisa danced, she had a purple shirt I think... All the trainees from all the companies talked about that video, they were all impressed…" Bambam paused and drank his iced tea. "The point is, that video was really cool. Yeah, they didn't put your name in the title, they showed you as an anonymous trainee but YG trainees knew it was you. It was a great achievement, but you don't care much about it, because you are not conceited. Now when they uploaded that video of Jennie rapping... that was another story. You were so happy telling everyone 'Look at Jennie, she's so cool!'"

Jackson burst out laughing and commented,

"That's right! You looked so adorable. I thought Jennie was someone you looked up to or something."

"I don't know how to explain it, but you had that sparkle in your eyes, that excited tone of voice... I thought it was gratitude, admiration, but now I realize, it was attraction!"

"I get that you're team boobs for Jennie…" Jackson said out of nowhere. "I hadn't thought about it before, but when she wears tighter clothes…"

"Don't be a slimy friend..." Bambam challenged him.

"I'm not! I'm just putting myself in Lisa's shoes. I'm not going to think that of a friend's girl... or friend. I have principles."

"She's not my girl," Lisa stammered.

"Still," Jackson smiled, wiggling his eyebrows.

"It won't happen, she doesn't even like girls…"

"You said she was a lesbian!"

"She said there were rumours," corrected Bambam.

"Please... Many guys are after her, she was even cuddling with G-Dragon on a couch and on a bed..." Lisa complained.

"Oh?" Bambam was surprised. "Do I hear a sour tone?"

"Did the jealousy bug bite her?"

"I'm not jealous."

" Hu hu hu ," Jackson laughed, making a low tone. "I would pay to see her react to G-Dragon's MV."

"I'm not jealous," Lisa insisted.

"Then why do you care so much that there are boys around Jennie?" Bambam stopped smiling, realizing something. "She also said that all the time! 'Boys don't usually notice me, but Jennie.' It bothered you that she drew other people's attention!"

"Of course not!"

"I kissed Jennie once," Jackson said.

Lisa and Bambam looked at him, surprised.

"Seriously," Jackson said, no longer smirking. "Nothing major, but Jennie hangs out with various female JYP trainees. I stopped by to say hello, like the gentleman that I am and ended up playing a game with them. One thing led to another and…" His lips trembled and he burst out laughing.

"I'm not jealous," she said sharply.

"I'm not jealous, my balls! You should have seen your face, you were so serious, as if I had insulted you!"

"I think I'd pay to see you react to G-Dragon's new MV too," Bambam joked.

Lisa felt her face burn. She decided to ignore them and eat.

"It was a lie, in case it wasn't clear. I did go and play with them, but Jennie was never interested in me."

"I really don't care," Lisa said.

Bambam and Jackson shared a look and laughed again.

. . .

She shrugged her backpack off her shoulders and tossed it to the side of her bed. She jumped onto the mattress, exhausted, arms and legs outstretched. She wanted to kick in frustration. It had been four days since Lisa had admitted to her friends that she had a crush on Jennie. It didn't solve much, because now she couldn't stop thinking about the ideas her friends put into her head: 'She's not your girl…yet' and 'You're upset that Jennie gets attention from other people, you're jealous!'"

Lisa sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. It was lunch time and all the girls were in the dining room now, talking about some stupid boys... or at least Jimin, Miyeon, Eunbi, Chaeyoung and Jennie did that. Jisoo was with them too, but she wasn't talking, she was sleeping on the table. Lisa had eaten a small portion quickly and abandoned them, throwing away the rest of her food and claiming that her stomach hurt and she wanted to rest.

She twisted her neck, stretching. It wasn't entirely a lie that it hurt, as she had been holding that annoyingly sour feeling there for the entire meal. Why didn't she want to talk about stupid boys? She liked to talk about stupid boys!

She got up and went to get her clothes from the closet she shared with Eunbi, Jimin and Chaeyoung. If the others were busy eating and gossiping, Lisa might as well take the opportunity to take a shower without anyone knocking on the door to hurry her up. She went into the bathroom, left her clothes in a corner on a chair, and quickly undressed. She took the opportunity to put music in the background, she only left her playlist with the poor quality speakers of her phone. She turned on the faucet and stepped under the shower. She twisted her neck again, stretching it. She breathed deeply and slowly. Good. She was ok. She grabbed the s hampoo and began to wash her hair.

As if that conversation in the dining room hadn't been enough, Jennie had decided to wear some black athletic leggings that day instead of some looser joggers. And of course she asked her to help her stretch. Of course she had to watch that all morning and pretend she didn't care! The next time she met with the boys, she could tell Jackson that which team she belonged to was still up for discussion.

She put her head under the water to wash off the shampoo. She closed her eyes, listening to the music. It smelled like coconut. Gently scratched her scalp, to remove everything.

Jennie's hair was softer than hers, thinner, coconut-scented. Jennie almost always blew her hair dry after she showered, but that nice smell lingered. Lisa liked it when she hugged her and she felt it. She didn't understand what Jennie had. Yes, Jisoo had that smell, Jinny too, they all smelled exactly the same, they all used the same shampoo supplied by the company, but... Jennie's scent was more intense, there was something different. She liked to hug her and snuggle on her shoulder because of it. And because it felt comfortable, warm, soft…

Lisa reached for the soap, starting to wash her arms, then her neck and shoulders. The water splashed on her skin...

When the dance class for that day was over, Jennie sat against the wall using it for support, panting with her eyes closed and her head back. They had been dancing for several hours. The sweat that dotted her skin gave her away. Her cheeks and neck were a little red. Her chest rose and fell erratically. She was wearing a simple white tank top that clung to her skin, outlining her figure. On the part of her chest, near the collar of her shirt, there were traces of sweat, a wet stain. It was a hot summer day and they had done a long dance routine...

Lisa felt that the universe was hell-bent on upsetting her. Because the weather was hot, because the room was hot, because Jennie was hot, and because Lisa was hot too. She swallowed hard and fumbled with the faucets and turned one of them on, so the water would be warmer. She had to clear her head. She had to force herself to cool down.

Yes, that was the reality of her life now. She was trying not to think about it... But it wasn't something she thought about! She was just dancing or doing something else and then she would notice Jennie's body, and once she noticed it it was so tempting to keep looking... And then, at some insignificant moment, she would catch Jennie with a relaxed face, distracted by something, tying her shoelaces or drinking water and... Lisa thought she looked so pretty. Everything became a chaos in her head and in her chest, because her body was tingling and she felt nervous.

She wasn't five years old, she knew what was wrong with her. In the same way that a boy with no shirt and tight pants called her attention, a girl in a bikini called her. The other day she had been exploring more K-pop with Chaeyoung and they had seen: "HYUNA's 'Bubble Pop!" She wasn't sure if she had never paid attention, or if her hormones hadn't decided to wake up yet to mess with her life, but now she knew: she was attracted to the female body. The full lips of a woman could leave her with a blank head, the sexy movements of her hips while dancing caught her attention as if in a trance, and the curves of a girl's body were a path she had no intention of stopping walking with her eyes.

And into all this mess came Jennie. Jennie's personality, Jennie's face, Jennie's smile, Jennie's voice, Jennie's coconut scent, extremely sexy Jennie Kim after a dance class...

Lisa supported her shoulder and the weight of her body on the wall, on the tile. She breathed slowly. That infernal tingling again, but not in her chest or stomach...

She washed her back, her legs, her feet... she was avoiding that place, but when she finally got there, she felt the wetness, a little thicker than water. She was going to wipe it off quickly and feign ignorance, but the soft touch felt good. She swallowed hard. Shyly, she touched her wetness again. There were particular parts where it felt good to push, and one particular part where it felt really good. She hesitated, but caressed it. It felt more and more enjoyable and she didn't want to stop doing it.

Lisa knew about sex, both from explicit American movies and manga and romance comics that she read, as well as from school, because her mom explained it to her and because she was generally curious and always had the internet at her disposal. She also knew that it could be done without another person, using only her hands, but she was never interested in trying it. Experiencing arousal was a fairly recent thing. Everything in general, the feelings, the girls and the boys, the new eyes with which she saw her best friend... She felt overwhelmed. She wanted to calm down, find a solution to something, even if it was this. Under the warm water it felt comfortable to just let go.

A little unsure, she kept stroking, enjoying that soft tickle in her crotch. At times she felt silly, doing this in the shower, but…it was nice and she didn't want to stop. She closed her eyes and pressed her lips together, it felt more intense when she made a specific movement, drawing circles with her fingertips.

She couldn't stop thinking about Jennie's mouth. She didn't crave anything as much as that. Her saliva increased as if she were thirsty and her attention was trapped there, on her lips. It felt good to kiss her cheek, and she was abusing that Jennie let her do it whenever she wanted, but she wanted more. She wanted to be able to kiss her everywhere, not just her mouth. Her forehead, the bridge of her nose, the edge of her jaw, the length of her neck, getting closer to the ear area…

A soft moan, almost imperceptible, escaped from Lisa's lips. She stopped her movements and reflexively brought her free hand to her mouth to shut up. She felt her face and neck and everything burning. She had never made such an embarrassing sound in her life. Mortification washed over her. She was moaning in the bathroom for Jennie. What the hell was she doing? She finished washing, dried herself, dressed quickly and left, not wanting to admit what she almost did.

She went back to where she started, her bed. She lay down and covered her eyes with her arm. She didn't want to do anything, she just wanted the sheets to swallow her body.

Her head, her body, and every fiber of her being had become obsessed with Jennie. She loved her. She wanted her for herself and her alone. There were boys she liked and girls she was attracted to, even if it took her a while to understand. She definitely thought that Yong Yoo was handsome and had a charming personality to sigh over. And she could certainly watch Hyuna's video for hours without getting bored at all, because watching her dance was like eye candy. The problem was that with Jennie everything felt more intense. It was Yong Yoo and Hyuna combined, and probably more than the two of them put together as well. It wasn't attraction or liking... it was an obsession. Was it... Was it just a crush?

She loved spending time with her, not only did it amuse her like with Jinny, but it generated that feeling of euphoria in her chest even for the simplest thing. She admired her, but not like Jisoo. With Jennie she went further, because it wasn't that she considered her very intelligent or appreciated her advice and help, but that she was absorbed, as if she were... well, a Goddess or something similar. Jennie didn't have to do anything to make Lisa admire her. On the other hand, Lisa wasn't a big fan of Hyuna, but she had eyes. That idol was one of the definitions of sexy in Korea. Objectively, Hyuna had more curves, a more mature face, and a better dance technique than Jennie. But a video of Hyuna didn't ruffle her hormones half as much as a typical morning dance class did. Jennie didn't have to be provocative to get her attention. Her heavy movements, like water, were enough to dry her throat and make her want to take her. Strong and graceful movements. They weren't slow, but consistent, giving the hint of laziness, like a feline stretching. She liked it, she liked it very much. And once the music died down and she turned to smile at her... Phew. Her personality made Lisa smile more than anything. Jennie was sweet, she helped everyone, she helped her. Jennie took care of Lisa. Just like Yong Yoo's chivalrous characters, Jennie could easily be a heartthrob character from a TV series. She scolded her lovingly, reminded her to take care of herself and eat, listened to her, gave her things, protected her from...

Lisa hated remembering Jin-joo. It had become like a forbidden name among her close friends because Jin-joo had harassed her until Jennie stopped her. Yes, Jennie was like a hero from a series, from a movie. She never imagined that she would think so, but she was better than Yong Yoo. Since that day, Jennie had become her knight in shining armor...

"You're a stick," Jin-joo started.

Lisa concentrated on organizing her notebooks so that she could quickly put them in her backpack and escape from there. Her Korean was still bad, but her listening was failing her less and less. The bad thing about that was that Jin-joo got worse, because now she could understand what she was saying. It was easier when she was just pushing her in a row or glaring at her.

"Some male trainees said so."

She did not respond. She put away the last book and closed the zipper on her backpack.

"They say you look like a child. And well... they're not wrong. In Thailand they are like that, right? There are many guys who dress as women there, in that country there are many weirdos... news always comes out about that. Oh! Do you like to dress as a man, is that it? I always wondered."

Lisa walked towards the door, but Jin-joo stopped her, grabbing her arm.

"I seriously try my best to annoy you and you never answer. What do I have to say to offend you? I'm running out of ideas."

"Please let me go."

Jin-joo squeezed her arm tighter.

"I asked you if you want to be a man, since you dress like that. You still can't speak, or...?"

Jin-joo was covered in iced coffee. The ice hit the ground, bouncing. Lisa and Jin-joo looked at Jennie in surprise, neither of them noticing when she arrived. She had two cups in her hand, one of coffee with milk and the other already empty, now on the floor and on Jin-joo's clothes.

"Wha...? she shrieked, brushing her wet hair from her face.

Jennie gently took Lisa by the wrist.

"What the hell, Jennie! Did you freak out?" Jinjoo said.

But she didn't reply, just kept walking until neither of them could hear Jin-joo anymore. She led Lisa to some stairs, up to the landing, a place where they could not be interrupted by surprise by anyone.

"Why was she saying that? Since when?" She asked.

Lisa didn't answer, ducking her head.

"Lisa," she asked urgently.

"She doesn't always…" she replied. Her Korean had a heavy accent.

"All this time she told you things like that and you never told me?" She got upset.

"It's just..."

"Lisa! Why not? How...?"

" She's older than me. The coordinator said it's normal to fight. Bullying...um...an investigation. I'm from Thailand and not Korea, it's hard... I didn't want to cause more trouble…"

"But Lisa, you have to tell them…"

"They will call my mom. I don't want to go back to Thailand."

Jennie's eyes softened, her expression sadder.

"From now on don't walk away from me, Lisa," she said, taking a step forward, connecting their gazes. This was a final decision.

"I'm not going to bother you because of Jin-joo…"

"Bother me? Holy crap!" Jennie was frozen with anger. "Bother me then Lalisa." She pointed down steadily, toward the room where it had all happened. "It's not going to happen again. I won't tell the coordinator, because you don't want to, but that's not going to happen again."

" Sorry…" she murmured.

Jennie hugged her tightly. Lisa shivered as she felt the cold drink touch her back.

"Your coffee," Lisa said.

"Oh, this was for you. Mine is on Jin-Joo now. What a waste of good coffee, really…"

Jennie took care of her that day and still did.

'Don't walk away from me' she told her a year ago. Jin-joo was gone... but Lisa still didn't want to leave Jennie. On the contrary, she wanted to get closer and closer to Jennie, as much as she could. And what a problem that was! As much as she could… Jennie wasn't itching to kiss her. Unlike Lisa, she wasn't itching to close the distance between their bodies or to spend every second together.

Lisa felt a pressure in her chest. That damn video of G-Dragon and those slimy trainees kept reminding her of it. Someone was going to take Jennie away from her. Someone was going to touch her the way she wanted. G-Dragon had touched her the way Lisa wanted to, he had pretended to be her boyfriend...

Lisa rolled over on the bed, grabbing her phone that was on the bedside table she shared with Chaeyoung. She was a masochist, opening YouTube and watching G-Dragon's "THAT XX" video multiple times. She decided to look at what suited him, at Jennie, who looked pretty. She heard in part, the moments in the song when she felt like the character in the music video. The story was about a boy, G-Dragon, who was jealous and wanted a girl who was with another. Just as G-Dragon gave her that acid feeling in her stomach every time he hugged Jennie, he also gave voice to that voice in her head, the one that wanted to take Jennie away from everyone but her.

Oh I hate you for not noticing me

I hate this waiting

Please let go of his hand now

(...)

What does that bastard have that I don't?

Why exactly can't I have you?

She wanted to erase what she had heard from her memory, about how Jennie had casually commented, eating a salad, about the guys from another entertainment company. Or worse, when Miyeon asked her if she likes G-Dragon and if she would like to talk to him again, and she said that she thought he was very cool and funny, and that he wore a nice cologne...

Please look at me? Why don't you know that your love is me?

Why are you the only one who doesn't know?

Should I tell her? If Jennie didn't notice, should she confess her feelings to her?

She had left the phone on her chest, looking up lazily. Soon her free time would be over and she would have to get back to practicing. The boards that supported the mattress of the upper bunk looked like a fence. She was trapped. Prey to emotions that she could not control. Some were cute, but there was also this poison...

The phone vibrated, startling her. She took it and checked the screen. She saw that it was a call from her mom.

"Hello ," she said in Thai, bringing the phone to her ear, without taking her eyes off the other bed above her.

" Honey, weren't you going to call me? Normally you would have called me an hour ago."

"Sorry, I forgot, I got distracted with…" Lisa remembered everything she had been doing and thinking all this time and she got nervous "with… a friend. My friends."

"As long as you're okay..." she soothed her.

"I am."

"You sure? Aren't you sad about PinkPunk?"

Oh that's right. Between Jennie's fake bullying scandal, grueling classes, and her crush on Jennie, against all odds, debuting wasn't high on her list of priorities. As Jackson would say: 'That girl's head exploded.' She had no other explanation.

"I'm doing as you told me, I don't have to give up. I'm ok now. I'll have another chance to debut. My grades are good, I'm sure I won't have to wait much longer."

"Then why the sad tone, daughter?"

"I'm not sad."

"You sound more cheerful normally. The times you end up crying on the call, you sound the same as you do now."

"Mom…" she complained.

"You can tell me things, my love."

"Not yet... it's complicated. It's not bad, you don't have to worry, I'm just... I'm confused. I'll tell you later, I promise."

Her mom let out an affectionate giggle.

"Well, now I'm curious about what's going on in that little head of yours, but it's okay, teenagers need privacy…"

"Mom…"

"I can imagine what things you don't want to tell me, I was once your age too…"

"Mom!"

"You don't have to worry about me. Okay? Next time you have love problems, you'll tell me…"

Lisa let out an embarrassed moan and covered her face.

" I didn't tell you what it is."

" But you didn't deny it either, " retorted her mother, who suddenly seemed very happy.

"It's not about love!"

"No, now you can no longer deny it. You're just trying to save yourself, it's not sincere."

"Mom!"

She laughed, ignoring her daughter's groans.

"I love you, honey."

"I love you too" she mumbled.

"Let yourself be pampered ," her mother scolded her. " No matter how old you get, a mom will always take care of her babies."

"Stop embarrassing me... " she said, laughing.

"I can't. That's a mom's job too."

---

ROSÉ

"When a door closes God opens a window", a well-known phrase. For her, it meant: Goodbye Nabi, goodbye PinkPunk and hello Baby Monster. Yes, "Baby Monster". Rosie hated that crap name, but she couldn't complain about this opportunity God gave her, at least not out loud.

It was during one of the first days of September that the CEO, after having seen her last monthly evaluation, offered her the opportunity to sing for a demo of one of the songs that G-Dragon would include in his new album. The trainees were shocked when they found out. Rosie wasn't new at this point, but she was definitely one of the least experienced. One of the trainees even hinted that she would be the new Jennie in a few months, the new favorite of the CEO. Some really were convinced of that. Especially because of the ups and downs that Jennie was going through with this whole bullying problem. Her grades dropped and she lost a bit of her "this is my turf, I'm the leader" attitude.

Rosie didn't think Jennie was a bully, unless she'd had a complete personality change when she got back to Korea. It was undeniable that Jennie helped her and took care of Rosie, just like she did with Lisa and everyone here. The Jennie Rosie knew was a good person, so that news sounded like a well-crafted fallacy. However, she admitted that, inwardly, she doubted her. She didn't say it out loud, of course, but she thought about it. And it wasn't the only one. Obviously Lisa, Jisoo, Eunbi, Miyeon... they were all loyal to their friend. But on the other hand, some trainees like Euna were the other side of the coin. "Jennie started to bully Jin-joo," Euna confessed one day, "they got along but all of a sudden it changed, she and her little group of friends made her cry once." She believed her and doubted Jennie for those words, until she remembered that Lisa was in that group of friends. Then she understood that it was impossible. Maybe it was out of loyalty to Lisa, but she wanted to trust Lisa's kindness and repay Jennie, the first one who offered her a hand.

It was none of her business anyway, so she had no intention of sticking her nose in it. She did not participate in the negative gossip, nor in the encouraging comments. Rosie almost laughed once when she, Jisoo, Jennie, and Euna were eating and Jisoo, putting down her phone on the table, commented "the rumors are dying down". But Rosie didn't want to laugh at that, but at what Euna replied, a kind and sweet, "I'm so glad."

Rosie thought that YG Entertainment was a hell full of humans suffering to survive, who would turn into monsters to get what they want.

It wasn't a good idea to say your thoughts out loud, because the ones that were malicious or worse, sinful, God would make sure to turn against you. Rosie was not a devout Christian, she questioned things all the time. She learned things from science books at school and also from the church bible. The believer was not a fool, but the one who did not want to see all the possibilities. Therefore, she was a good person, but not delusional. She didn't blindly trust Jennie, or Euna, or anyone. She wouldn't believe Lisa, if she gave her even the slightest reason.

Every coin has two sides. You can bet, toss it in the air and say for sure that when it lands it will be heads, but there will always be a chance that it will come up tails.

Luckily Rosie listened to the church: it was not good to gamble. She did not get involved in other people's business. And she also listened to science: on Earth there is gravity, so everything that goes up must come down. Whether by God or by a gust of wind, with PinkPunk a door was closed and with Baby Monster a window was opened, and she knew how to take advantage of it.

. . .

The elevator doors opened and Rosie shuddered with excitement. She walked through the corridors skipping. She felt like a child surrounded by sweets and toys: she was finally about to set foot in a recording studio. She would make her first demo, for none other than G-Dragon. After so much effort, so much sacrifice... she was being rewarded.

It was not uncommon for trainees to do small jobs for the company in order to gain experience and fill small positions that would be an unnecessary expense. One of those small jobs was recording song demos. Producers didn't always have the artist in the studio, so trainees were a good replacement. They would create the demo with them, then show it to the artist who would get the song, and then they would record the final version. Other times they needed a voice for a small part of the song, the choirs or some harmony. The t rainees weren't paid to help out with these things and often didn't even get credit, but no one bothered, as it was an opportunity to learn from professional producers and singers and prove themselves to their future bosses. Rosie's dad had likened this to a college internship. In fact, for him, this whole thing of being a trainee seemed very similar to university because of the number of hours and demands, and because it would give them a direct job opportunity.

When she entered the recording studio she almost forgot to bow to her elders. She was very surprised that G-Dragon was present, along with another man Rosie didn't know, but assumed to be the producer.

"Come in, sit down. Do you want water?" G-Dragon asked.

Rosie wasn't thirsty, but she said yes. There was a small refrigerator near the couch and the producer took a bottle from there and offered it to her. Rosie gave silent thanks as the adults talked and pointed at the large computer screens. She strained her ears, trying to hear everything, but from where she was she couldn't see the monitor very well, causing her to get lost.

"What is that for?" Rosie asked, when she couldn't take it anymore.

The two men looked at her. The producer was surprised, while G-Dragon seemed amused; so much so, that he waved his hand to signal her to come closer.

"Come come." A big smile graced his face.

Rosie didn't hesitate and obeyed G-Dragon's order.

"We are working with Pro Tools, it is a sound editing program. Have you ever used it?"

"These programs cannot be handled by just any computer" said the producer

"And? How do you know she isn't a millionaire?"

The producer looked at Rosie sideways.

"I'm not a millionaire," she muttered, just in case.

"Chaeyoung, right?" G-Dragon asked. The aforementioned agreed. "Go to the booth, put on the headphones that are hanging and sing the song. Did you memorize the lyrics before you came?" She nodded again. She had listened to the base of the song many times as soon as it was emailed to her and she practiced the lyrics with it. "Cool. Take the paper with you anyway, in case you make a mistake." G-Dragon turned his body to open a folder on the computer. "Do it like you practiced, your way. When you're satisfied with how it turned out, come back here."

Rosie obeyed and went into the soundproof booth. She listened before closing the door to the producer saying that she was a bit "nosy". She wasn't surprised, several teachers here had drawn the same conclusion as him. When Rosie wanted to know something, she asked and that was it. She questioned a lot. And when she thought that the teacher was not being clear or was wrong, she also told him so openly. The "being the Australian girl" card kept her from being too annoyed by her attitude, luckily. Also, the CEO seemed amused that she was like this. Perhaps because she was more used to interacting with foreigners.

When she put on the headphones, a goofy grin escaped him. She really felt like a girl. Joy bubbled in her stomach, refusing to go away. She breathed slowly, concentrating, forgetting about Rosie to focus on the feeling the song evoked in her. She had no intention of being wrong today. She would do it just as she practiced it. She spent hours deciding each tone, when to lengthen the words and end them on a high note... She worked hard on her song and wanted to show it off. G-Dragon wrote it, but the interpretation was his. No one would steal that from you. This was her moment. Rosie gave a thumbs up to indicate that she was ready. The music reverberated in the small room and Rosie blurted out:

Love is painful, although love is painful (Uh)

Babocheoreom banbok that's what I always do (such a pain)

(I repeat it like a fool, that's what I always do (Such a pain))

But pain is beautiful (Yeah), it's same as you

Huimangeun silmangeuro somangeun jeolmangeuro

(Hope turns into disappointment,)

Sarangi gipeojilsurok apeumeun deephae deo

(hope turns into despair)

Rosie liked to make up stories, to transform into characters. In Australia, at home with her family she was Rosie, at school she was Roseanne or Park, at church she was Chae or Rose and now here she was Chaeyoung. She was Korean or Australian depending on the place and the person in front of her. Yes, she had an identity, but if she was left with only one... How would she live a thousand different stories?

Today she was a man, a very foolish one, who is trapped and deprived of liberty, drunk with the hope of being able to escape, desperate for the most human desire of all: that of wanting something.

nae maeumeun cheoumbuteo geudaeroinde

(My heart is just like the first time)

sangcheoro gadeukhae ijen geudaero inhae

(But now it's filled with scars because of you)

Time wears out, locked in four walls the world doesn't change and neither does he. Abandonment is the greatest weight a soul can bear, and little by little the bones that kept it upright are breaking...

jeomjeom byeonhaega chagaun ne moksorie

(We keep changing, at your cold voice)

nado sigeogago

(I cool down too)

meoreojineun uri sai dwedolligien

(It is impossible to be together again, we move further and further apart)

They are the birds from the window, white doves that at first sang and flew under the sun's rays. Now there are only grayish clouds and black dots, ellipses written in her destiny, they are the horrible ravens in the sky stalking and screeching the end of a man's freedom.

amu gamjong eobsi seororeul maemdolgien

(It was hard trying to reach each other)

hime gyeowo na ibyeoreul

(So I gave you separation as a gift)

seonmulhago doraseo I'm fallin' without you

(And I turned my back on you, but now I'm falling in love without you being here)

Ye I'm fallin' without you.

(Yes, I'm falling without you)

He stopped counting the days and dreaming about what was behind the bars of the window. They would never catch up again, because of a life sentence. Freedom died with him, so he let her go. He stopped eating, drinking. He wanted freedom so badly that he died for it. He was just a man in love with the one thing he didn't have.

Rosie's eyes watered, but she didn't cry. He was free. She was free too.

She walked out of the booth and G-Dragon applauded her while laughing. The producer congratulated her; he was the calmer of the two.

"Mr. Yang's eye doesn't fail," G-Dragon said.

"In case I had any doubts that trainees were beasts..." the other joked.

"It was good?" Rosie asked uncertainly.

"What if it was good?" G-Dragon laughed. "Come and sit. We brought you a chair. Listen."

The first take of the song came through the speakers on the desk. It wasn't a perfect take, but she liked the sound. She bit her tongue to keep from asking if it was really her. Hearing herself through such a clean soundtrack was a beautiful experience. Hearing herself, without singing, just listening, was strange, she even had a hard time recognizing herself. Her ears didn't pick up her own voice like that, neither did a camera or her phone's recording.

"You know what I like about your approach?" G-Dragon asked. "It is original. It's not just suffering or sadness, it's like... a promise, a dream, a…"

"Strength. No regrets for what she longs for."

Rosie smiled, very happy at what she was told.

"Well... I took some notes, corrections," said the producer. "Do it again."

"Then you can try editing a bit," G-Dragon offered. "We will decide everything, but it will help you to learn the tools of the program."

"Really?" Disbelief coloured her voice. "Thank you very much! I really, really want to do it."

"Go back to the booth then," G-Dragon ordered.

Rosie ran over without being told a second time.

. . .

Rosie sat on the bed, cross-legged with the laptop on them. She put on the headphones and clicked the accept button to start a video call.

"Rosie!" her sister greeted her.

She was sitting at the dining room table in her house. Rosie would even see a family photo hanging on the far wall. Behind Alice her parents stood, smiling at the screen. They still didn't know how to handle advanced technology well. Yes, "advanced technology", that was a video call for them.

"Or should I say super star?" Alice joked.

She snorted instead of a laugh, totally embarrassed by the compliment.

"We can't stop listening to your song," said her mom.

"I showed it to all my co-workers," her dad said.

"We'll show it at church next weekend, too."

"It's not my song," she corrected them, embarrassed by the attention. From the top bunk, she glanced down surreptitiously, making sure no one was in the room. "I only helped a little." A proud smile escaped her lips. "And I sang a few lines of the song."

A couple of days ago G-Dragon's "Without You" became available to the public. And in the credits, next to his name, was her. Well more or less. It said "G-Dragon. Ft. ? Of YG New Girl Group". It still didn't say Chaeyoung, it still didn't say Baby Monster, but it was there. She had become, along with Jennie, the only trainee to go on a job with one of YG Entertainment's artists. She had little training time, but the CEO was interested in her.

"My fifteen-year-old little sister sang along with G-Dragon, it's no small thing. It wasn't just a demo, you came out on the final version of the album! I already told all my friends to listen to the song, they were shocked when they heard the news. Oh! Do you remember Eddy? He still can't believe that my slightly weird and nerdy sister managed to do something so cool…"

"Your sister isn't a nerd ," her mother challenged Alice.

"He's our friend mom, just kidding..."

Well, Rosie had her doubts about Eddy being her friend, but no one could take an insult from Eddy seriously. In church he was known as the boy whose pants ripped.

"I'm so proud of you Rosie," her dad said, pulling the computer closer to him as Alice and her mom argued with each other.

"Thank you."

Her dad's loving look was like a hug from a distance. Nothing could ruin this feeling of victory.

"Did your friends congratulate you?" her dad asked.

Well, there was something that could ruin it. She was starting to get tired of that question. Why was it so important that she had friends? She collaborated with G-Dragon! How did the congratulations of her companions, who hid jealousy behind the applause, matter?

"All my classmates congratulated me dad, don't worry..." she calmed him down.

"But your friends, Rosie! What was that girl like? Laissa?"

"Lisa. We get along, but it's not that deep…"

"Why do you overthink things so dramatically?" Alice chimed in, turning the screen toward her, taking over the entire frame of the video call. "Those girls are your friends, they do everything together. If you like them, they are. You don't have to be a lonely, tortured soul to be an artist. You know?"

"I already told you, anyone can be eliminated at any time. Nabi, one of the ones who was a trainee, was recently expelled. In addition, we have very little free time, we barely have time to talk."

"Sorry, I don't understand cowardly excuses," Alice said with a half smile.

"Can you leave your sister alone?" her mom challenged her again.

Her dad slowly turned the screen towards him, now he was sitting at the table too, to her sister's right. Alice's and her mom's voices were picked up by the microphone. She didn't see them, but they argued again: "But…" Alice tried, being silenced by her mother with a simple "Ah!" It sounded intense. At one point, when Alice got desperate and yelled "But!", her more authoritative mom interrupted her with a loud "Ah-hah!"

"I'd feel more at ease knowing you have good friends around you," her dad said, and the fighting in the background stopped.

"I'm fine, I'm very happy. I'm doing very well!"

"You're still a kid. Work can't be all you care about."

"But..."

"Rosie," he said with a warning tone.

"Knowing you, you just sit nearby and hardly participate in conversations…" Alice accused.

"If you feel lonely there, or you don't like the others, you can always come home," her dad said.

"What? No, I don't want to go back. I just did a collaboration with G-Dragon. Everything here is perfect." Anger began to rise in Rosie. "Why do you criticize me instead of supporting me?"

"Rosie…" her mom whispered. "We're not criticizing you, we love you and we are very proud of you."

"But it's clearly not enough," Rosie said.

"I told you she's dramatic…" Alice muttered.

Heat grew in her chest and her shoulders and jaw tensed.

"My friend is calling me," Rosie snapped dryly.

"You're leaving?" Her mom was surprised.

Her father's look betrayed his disappointment. Rosie raged inside.

"I'll call you later," she said goodbye.

"Oh, it's fine. We love you," her mom said.

"Me too."

She didn't wait for her dad and sister to speak and ended the call. She closed the computer with force and moved it away from her. Why did her dad have to bring that up? Rosie lay down and rolled over on the mattress, burying her face in the pillow. Why? What did her dad know?

She left the room and went to the bedroom's kitchen, wanting to fill her stomach with something. She found that all the girls were there, at the table, drinking tea and gossiping.

"The wolf came out of her cave," Miyeon joked.

Breathe... Count to ten... One... Two... Three...

"Is that tea?" She asked.

'The water's still hot, help yourself,' said Jinny.

"Thank you."

When she finished making her tea, she went back to the table and wondered where to sit next to Lisa or somewhere else. In the end, she opted for the seat next to Jennie, facing Lisa.

"We were talking about G-Dragon," Miyeon said. "It's fitting that you have joined."

" Yei... " Jisoo sang dejectedly, "we can continue talking about boys…"

"We're not going to start talking about Greek mythology, get over it Jisoo," Euna said, making everyone laugh.

Everyone except Rosie, who didn't know Jisoo liked that. And interestingly, Lisa didn't laugh either. Rosie's gaze unconsciously gravitated towards Lisa because of it.

She liked to think that she had a good instinct, a special sensitivity to read people; but not analytically, but sensory. She was susceptible to the emotions of others. Perhaps that was why it irritated her so much when they falsely complimented her, or pretended to be comfortable with her so as not to offend her. Rosie knew when happiness wasn't genuine. She was also aware immediately when there was tension in a room, just by walking through the door she could already feel it in the air. Or if they cried in front of her, for example, she responded in the same way, the pain of others became her own. Whether it was high empathy, high emotional intelligence, spiritual connection, or too much imagination and delusions, whatever it was, Rosie had it.

Something about Lisa was strange this morning. Well, Lisa had these episodes from time to time, like a lamp with a loose bulb. Rosie suspected most people didn't notice. Lisa just... shut down a little bit sometimes. Still kind and warm, still focused and hard-working, but something in her was deflating. That was happening now. Lisa wasn't quite present in the room and that made her curious. Rosie wondered if this was how she generally looked to others. If that's what her dad saw behind the screen.

"Is G-Dragon the serious type when he works?" Miyeon asked.

Rosie dragged her gaze to Miyeon.

"He was joking," she replied.

"Isn't he like a kid?" Jennie asked, looking at her.

"I don't think it's cute."

"I mean he's playful, it's a lot of fun."

" Wow , totally in love," Jinny joked.

"I admire him," Jennie corrected. "I would like to be an idol like him."

"Didn't he try to flirt with you, Chaeyoung?" Jinny asked.

In response, her nose wrinkled. It was instant, a reflex. Jisoo, who was drinking quietly, spit out the tea because she couldn't stop laughing.

"G-Dragon disgusts you," she said between laughs and coughs, while tears accumulated on her eyelashes.

" Unnie , don't be rude…" Euna got up to look for napkins, handed one to Jisoo and cleaned the table with the rest.

She blushed as she became the center of attention. Everyone was looking at her with big smiles (except Miyeon, who was still processing Rosie's insult towards G-Dragon).

"G-Dragon is not going to flirt with teenagers," Jennie said.

"Chae, you don't like G-Dragon?" Miyeon asked, still stuck.

"He's a good artist. I'm not a big fan of the edits he makes to his voice in some songs, but..."

"I mean physically," she interrupted her.

" Er ...no," she answered honestly.

"So you like another one from Big Bang, like Jennie with Taeyang?"

" Uh … no."

Jisoo laughed out loud again.

"Do you like Taeyang?" Lisa asked Jennie.

"He's the one I like the most from Big Bang physically. G-Dragon is my favorite rapper. But it's not important, it is Miyeon who insists. I was never interested in Big Bang like that. They're very cool and I love them, but they're not my type. You know?"

"Her type are the vampires and wolves from Twilight," Jisoo said, faking a gag.

"Oh shut up," Jennie muttered.

"So what's your type, Chaeyoung?" Jinny asked curiously.

"I don't have a type," Rosie said and started to drink her tea, wanting to get away from this.

If her dad was around right now, he'd stop asking her to be friends with these girls...

"Even Jisoo told us who she likes," Miyeon pressed.

"I said singers I like, don't make it sound like I have a crush on them," Jisoo complained.

Rosie swallowed hard, feeling pressured. Ironically, she could say that her most recent crush was Jisoo in krump class. Too bad that didn't count, they were girls. She couldn't get away with saying that her unnie was very beautiful. They wanted her to confess a crush , not a girl-crush of pure female admiration, a bromance, or well, a womance?

The big problem here was that she never liked anyone. Neither an actor, nor a singer, nor a friend, nor a stranger on the street... Should she invent anything to be left alone? What was the actor that everyone likes? Gong Yi? Gon Yu? Lisa had named him a thousand times, what was it? Oh, right!

"Gong Yoo," Rosie said.

"Really? How boring," Jinny muttered. "He is the standard."

"I'm not very picky," Rosie replied with a fake smile.

"Stop attacking Gong Yoo," Lisa said, laughing.

"Sorry, I love you, but choosing Gong Yoo is like choosing vanilla ice cream," Jinny said.

"Hey, Chae-young. On our next day off, let's go get some vanilla ice cream," Lisa teased. "I'd invite you, Jinny, but you don't like it."

" Uuuh ," Jisoo and Miyeon chorused with teasing smiles.

"G-Dragon," Miyeon said, slapping her hand on the table for attention. "Am I the only one who thinks he's handsome?"

"My God, he's not ugly, okay?" Jennie said, rolling her eyes.

"I'm still not satisfied." Miyeon pouted.

"What's so cute about him?" Lisa questioned.

"Do you think he's ugly too?!" Miyeon exclaimed.

Rosie was struck by the fact that Lisa kept her eyes riveted on Jennie at all times, even when other trainees spoke up, answering her question. "I love his eyes" said Euna and "He's so hot" said Miyeon. "In my opinion the attitude outweighs the physical, his rebellious personality is attractive and his features complement that well, a slightly eccentric face" elaborated Jinny, after the girls. Still, Lisa didn't give a damn and waited for Jennie; which, she only responded by raising her eyebrow, a silent but sharp «What?», thus ending the argument (which no one, other than Jennie, Lisa and Rosie, knew existed).

Rosie could see Lisa's bad mood, but not the reason. Her curiosity was piqued. She didn't know what about G-Dragon bothered her or how it related to Jennie, but she wanted to find out. Rosie knew she shouldn't. Things were definitely easier when she was keeping to herself, keeping her nose to her own business, working on her music…but this was Lisa! If she genuinely liked anyone here, it was her. She couldn't just...

Wait a minute.

Oh God... she was worried about Lisa, she was trying to get closer to Lisa as more of a hang out partner...

She hated when her dad managed to get into her head. Was she really such an impressionable person?

. . .

There was a reason why she was reluctant to approach the others: because she was afraid. She didn't want someone to betray her, like Jennie with her friends in New Zealand. She didn't want them to speak ill of her, as Euna did as soon as she had the opportunity. She didn't want to get into a fight with someone here and get locked in with that person in an awkward environment, like Jinny with Lisa. She didn't want to love someone and that someone would disappear, like Nabi, who broke Jisoo's heart, Lisa, Jennie, Eunbi, Miyeon...

Her dad noticed the coldness around her. Her sister read it without problems: a coward.

Rosie was stubborn, but not so stubborn that she wouldn't admit this insecurity to the psychologist. It didn't help, really. In a nutshell, she said she was so into the competition, she was on constant watch. To solve it, the psychologist told her something about opening her heart, that there was pain in life, so she couldn't escape from it if she wanted to enjoy the good things... She seriously didn't want to discredit a professional, but her advice wasn't too different from the ones her dad gave her. She also gave her a task: make an effort to get to know the others. God, Rosie really wanted to respect the professional...

Or maybe she was just being stubborn. Her sister pointed that out to her a lot, that when she got something between her eyebrows, she could be stupid enough to try to run in the direction of a moving train. Dramatic, very dramatic. Seriously: Why was Rosie the only one in the family who was accused of drama? Sometimes being the youngest was a great challenge, she took all the prodding...

Back to the point: she had to open up more. With who? Well, with Lisa, obviously. But how? Talking more? Rosie could be more open, but she still wasn't interested in being delusional.

She started talking to Lisa more, asking her more personal questions... and one of the things she feared happened: they fought. Not once, not twice, many times. Because Rosie had a headache and Lisa was talking too loud, because Lisa wanted to watch a series and Rosie wanted to watch a movie, because Rosie left some of her things on Lisa's bed or because they were late for class because the other didn't hurry up enough. And there were lots of other reasons, many she didn't even remember. They fought over everything. The more they got to know each other, the more they felt they were like water and oil, science and religion, night and day, water and fire, the Moon and the Sun, or the clouds and stars (in Rosie's head, she associated herself with the former and Lisa with the latter).

The good thing about facing fears was that in the end they were always less terrible than one imagined. She liked having this with Lisa, this tug-of-war that made her feel alive. One day she would fight with her and the next they would go out for ice cream. It was fun. And useful, so that the emotions flowed and did not remain stagnant inside her, eating her away little by little. To not feel trapped also helped. Locked in the windowless basement of the company, the days were sometimes too similar. That instability gave things flavor.

Lisa was her first friend in Korea. That is, not someone to talk to and kill time, but a real friend, feeling it in her heart.

---

JISOO

"I'm busy, that's just it," Jisoo grumbled, leaning her shoulder against a wall by the door and repositioning the phone to her other ear. "Next time I'll go say hello."

"You were absent yesterday, and you promised you wouldn't do it again," her mother accused her on the other side of the line. Jisoo could perfectly imagine her angry face and that silent look that threatened to punish her.

"I'll go, I'll go," she confirmed. "I will go in the morning."

"It's your brother's birthday…"

"Mom, I promise, I'll go."

"Think of…"

"I have to go, mom," she cut her off, "the teacher has arrived."

"Thursday, don't miss it!" she reminded her.

"I won't miss it," she said before quickly saying goodbye and hanging up.

Jisoo didn't lie to escape from her mom. Luckily, the teacher had really come to the classroom to save her. Japanese class was about to start, so she walked over to the desks and sat down. Jennie was in the front seat, with Miyeon. In the room there were more tables than necessary and the trainees occupied the seats at the back, leaving the first two rows free. The teacher didn't get mad about that, she knew that the girls here weren't interested in the language, but in the music. Japanese for trainees would be like the equivalent of math for students who liked art class.

Well, some artists liked math. Not Jisoo, she slept through math class. However, Jennie, for example, did like it. At school math and science were her favorite subjects. In fact, even as a trainee, she managed to get very good grades, especially in math.

"Let's get started," the teacher said in Japanese and the girls lazily opened their books.

Almost all the trainees were in this class, but there weren't many in total, only ten, so the teacher could follow up quite individually. She gave each one a bunch of activities depending on their level (beginner, basic, intermediate and advanced) to cover the two hours of classes. As they worked in silence, she went from table to table, practicing the pronunciation of the words with them.

Jisoo yawned and looked around, until she stopped at Jennie. From where she was she could see that she was doodling in the margin of her page, lost in her head. Jisoo wished she could do something for her friend. She wasn't blind, she sensed that something wasn't quite right. Sometimes she suspected it was the comments on the internet, but Jennie was so calm about it...

'I know who I am, what kind of person I am. I don't need to prove anything to anyone, least of all strangers. And especially, to people who waste their time insulting people on the Internet' Jennie resolved without pain in her voice, without anger in her gestures. Jisoo believed her in the end, she always knew of her maturity.

So the option left to her was PinkPunk. Jennie didn't miss the opportunity to debut, rather her heart was ripped out and thrown in the trash. It was like seeing her live a heartbreak, as if the debut was the boy who got bored with her and dropped her for another.

"Baby Monster," one of the marketing guys said.

Another of the many monthly evaluations. Only this time, the CEO didn't directly ask them to perform, but made them stand in a line in front of him, in front of the table of teachers and judges.

"Did you hear that?" the CEO asked. "At the moment, nobody belongs to that group: Baby Monster. And that will be my next girl group."

"And what about PinkPunk?" Jennie asked, confused.

"It's on pause. The majority here does not quite have that concept."

"Adorable but dangerous," said the marketing guy. "Punk, rock, metal... is losing popularity. It no longer attracts the attention of young people, they prefer more aesthetic things. That is why we propose the Baby Monster approach. The cute concept is a classic and will remain, but together with a dark tone. Not rebellious, dark."

"May I?" Jisoo called, raising her hand, and when the marketing man gave her a nod to continue, she asked, "Is the concept going to be something like Monster High?"

"Oh, they're pretty," Lisa murmured beside her.

The CEO let out a laugh and got up to speak.

"The name is just an idea, something in mind to aim for. We needed a change of scenery, a clean slate. It doesn't matter if they're called Baby Monster, PinkPunk or Monster High." The CEO smiled at that last name. "What matters to me is that we work from scratch."

"Have you really thought about who will be part of Baby Monster?" Eunbi asked hopefully.

"No, not officially, but I have a few names on my mind," he said with amusement. "Lalisa and Chaeyoung."

Eunbi was deflated, she had dropped in rank among the trainees.

Oh, the CEO was cruel…

Jennie stood tense beside him, unperturbed. He was pressuring Jennie at her worst, when her world was falling apart, he wanted to see if she was going to be able to adjust.

Jisoo didn't feel sad, she didn't need him to tell her directly: if she didn't get better, she was going to be the next to fall. That's why her mom had to understand. If she didn't try now, all of her work, nearly two years, would be dismissed as nothing. If she didn't get to debut... What would become of her life? She had to practice. More much more.

The Japanese teacher approached Jennie to practice casual conversation that might happen in a restaurant. She wanted to tell Jennie to work with her, to be strong... The question was: How?

She hoped she found out soon. For now, she had to start her Japanese activities. She read the first.

. . .

On Thursday, Jisoo kept her promise and had breakfast with her family. They went to a cafe, where they ate a tasting of different types of cupcakes while drinking coffee. For Jisoo: American ice cream, her favorite. They talked about everything for a bit, relaxed, joking, enjoying the family moment... until that topic came up. To her misfortune, doing something unconventional with her life often caused conversations to veer towards that.

"Aren't idols supposed to go on diets?" Her brother asked when he saw her eating some cream filled cake.

"You should diet," her sister said.

"The only one who should be careful at this table is her father," her mom pointed out, who was watching her dad put more chocolate desserts on his plate.

"We need calories in the body to be able to dance for so many hours every day. You know?" Jisoo commented, wiping her mouth with a napkin.

"We need calories," imitated her brother.

"Ugh, grow up. You turned 23," said her sister, before drinking coffee.

"Men take longer," her mom added, laughing.

"Honey..." her dad complained.

Her brother, unaffected by the attack, asked,

"So you can eat whatever you want? Don't you have anorexic roommates?"

"Enough," challenged her mom.

"During the week we cannot eat fried things and we must try to avoid sweets and flour. We almost always snack and have fruit for breakfast. We don't deprive ourselves of food, so no, I don't have roommates who are anorexic."

"Not even secretly?" her brother insisted.

"If it's a secret, obviously I won't know."

Although she could be suspicious of some, of course. Euna had recently fainted, during the morning, in the elevator. It wasn't unusual, from time to time that happened to her. Also, one of the smaller ones, one of those future 2NE1s lost consciousness once. Still, it was hard to judge. Lisa for example, was extremely skinny from the first day she came to YG, no fat, just defined muscle. Or Chaeyoung, that girl was eating bread all the time and she was skinnier than Lisa.

"Sometimes they faint," Jisoo added.

"Eat this cake too," her mom said suddenly.

"I'm fine," she complained, accepting the cake and grabbing a spoon.

"But aren't you afraid of getting fat? You care about practicing but not about your appearance," her brother pointed out, using her coffee spoon to point to Jisoo's stomach and then her face, as she was still very reluctant about makeup.

"How annoying you guys are, giving your opinion," her sister growled. "Jisoo's abs are more ripped than yours, clown."

"I'm just saying…" he muttered embarrassed.

"That's why I don't understand why Jisoo wants to be an actress or an idol." She pointed her thumb at her older brother. "I would not have the patience to put up with the idiocy, disguised as opinions, of others."

"Enough," her mom insisted, this time more seriously.

"Plus you can't get tattoos, lots of silly rules…" her sister muttered, stabbing her dessert with a fork.

"No one is going to get tattoos," her mother was scandalized.

"Your piercing is great, by the way," her brother said.

"Guys..." her dad tried to calm the waters.

"I still can't believe you went to maim your ear," her mom said angrily.

"I already had lobe piercings, you also have them and my sister too..." she defended herself, like so many other times since she got the piercing .

"Is not the same. It is normal for women to wear earrings. But what did you do to your ear? Don't even think about doing it on your nose."

"You can do it in your navel, that can be covered," her brother thought.

"If you keep this up, you'll pay for your own birthday breakfast yourself," her mom threatened.

Her brother laughed happily. "He was a bit of a freak, sometimes he liked to create chaos just to keep things interesting."

"I'm almost 18 years old," Jisoo insisted.

"Legally you are still our responsibility," her dad said.

Jisoo sighed and didn't add more. She was going to get another piercing if she wanted, they couldn't stop her anyway. Why waste time trying to convince them?

"Seriously, the piercing. It looks beautiful on you," her sister said, and winked at her, showing camaraderie.

At least Jisoo knew her older siblings would stop her mom from choking her. That's why she loved them, even if sometimes they were very annoying to her. They could pick on her, but not other people, not even her parents. That was the implicit code of the Kim siblings.

"You never come home, you get piercings, you eat badly..." her mother lamented.

Jisoo sighed. She was going to reply, but her phone, which was on the table, vibrated. She checked the screen, it was the alarm to return to YG Entertainment.

"I have to get ready for class," Jisoo said.

His mom's eyes darkened.

"I have to fulfill my commitments," she explained, embarrassed.

"We're all concerned," her dad said. "Even your brother. His jokes in bad taste have their reason for being."

Her brother had the decency to look embarrassed.

"Wouldn't you like to go to college?" her mom asked hopefully.

"Nope. I want to work in the world of entertainment. I don't want a normal job." Jisoo turned, pleading with her dad's eyes. "You know how it is…"

"Yes, I know, it's part of my job. That's why I know that idols are the ones who have the worst time. They are exploited as trainees and also as idols. They do not have a good social reputation as they drop out of school and lack useful skills for almost any other job. It is pure sacrifice. They live to work. They gain thousands of fans but not the time to spend with their loved ones."

"Look at us now, just a couple of hours with your brother and you're off. You'll miss the family dinner, the birthday cake…"

"I also wanted to introduce you to my girlfriend, I met her at university," added her brother.

Jisoo bowed her head slightly, guilty. How could she explain to them?

"She almost always slept late," her sister said suddenly. "She read a little, listened to music, did homework in class because she didn't want to have homework to do at home, never invited a friend over, never had a boyfriend... Jisoo doesn't commit to anything, nothing at all."

"Are you insulting her?" her brother whispered, lost.

"Since she entered her place, we meet and have lunch with Jennie and Lisa, we see her with alarms and doing things… When Jisoo doesn't want to do something, she doesn't. This is important to her. She wants it and is working to get it, without dad's help or easy ways out."

Her dad laughed.

"Sometimes I'm surprised at how smart my daughters are."

"I'm here," her brother joked. "Birthday boy here."

"Go to class," her dad said, surprising her.

Jisoo hesitated, looking at him, then at her mom...

"I insist, being an idol takes a lot, but... Your sister is right. It's good that you have something to motivate you."

"What are you saying?" Her mom asked, looking at him.

"Don't you want your daughter to chase her dreams?"

"I'm worried, it's different."

"But we'll be here if she changes her mind, or fails." Her dad looked at her again. "Go. Don't you dare come home without giving it your all."

"And no other piercing ," her brother joked.

"No piercings, please," her mom got upset.

"Better get a tattoo," her sister recommended, earning a glare from Mom.

Jisoo laughed. Her sister wasn't entirely wrong. The idea of a tattoo sounded good, something tangible to remind her of who she was and what she wanted...

"You're right," Jisoo murmured suddenly realizing something. "A tattoo!"

"No tattoos!" her mom yelled.

"I really have to run," she said, getting up from her chair.

"Kim Jisoo, you won't step foot in our house with a tattoo."

"I know, I know. I love you, ma," she said with a smile, squeezing her shoulder as she walked past her. "Thanks Dad." She looked at her siblings, sticking her tongue out at them as she walked away. "Don't miss me. And happy birthday again, you big idiot."

Jisoo ran, not because she was late, but because she knew of a fake tattoo shop she wanted to go to before lessons started.

. . .

Reaching the basement, the living room, she passed first by Lisa, who was quietly stretching near the door. Jisoo touched her back as she passed, not stopping, just to annoy her a bit. From afar, she laughed as she saw Lisa looking around in confusion.

"Don't be mean to Lisa," Jennie scolded, having caught her doing the trick.

"It's my way of showing love".

Jennie punched her in the arm with her fist.

"So I say I love you," she explained with a smile.

"Shakespeare takes his hat off to you," Jisoo joked.

"Did you have a good time with your family?"

"You should go to college, daughter," she said, making a deep voice, as if she were her dad, "but I respect your stupid decisions in life. Oh, and my brother has a girlfriend. Can you believe it?"

"Your dad is a sweetheart, don't make fun of him like that."

"It's my way of expressing affection!" She complained.

Jennie laughed, shaking her head. They began to stretch together, but Jisoo was struck by the fact that Jennie was looking directly at Lisa. Very direct, because without a doubt subtlety was something that Jennie did not possess.

"Did she stick a sign on her back, or what?" Jisoo asked.

Jennie stumbled, caught off guard in a difficult position, her legs stretched out in opposite directions.

"Don't you think there's something different about Lisa?" Jennie half-explained, using another question.

Jisoo looked at her in detail. Her figure was becoming more marked, her body was no longer as girlish as before. Her hips had widened, but she didn't look like she'd put on any weight at all. She was as slim and toned as ever. Hadn't Lisa started boxing too?

"Well, she's hitting a growth spurt," she said. "It still hurts that she's gotten taller than me."

"Her personality."

"What's wrong with it? It's still just as smiling and screaming, only now it pierces my eardrums from above and not from below."

"Jisoo," she complained, "I'm serious. She's been really into her own business lately. She doesn't ask me for help with Korean, or English, or rap... She's... I don't know. Quiet?"

Jisoo shrugged.

"She's not 13 anymore, she's not going to come to her unnies all the time , she's just taking care of herself.

"I guess," Jennie muttered.

"If you miss her so much, you can just go and spend time with her."

"I spend time with her," she said indignantly. "We always eat together, we go clothes shopping with Jinny, Chaeyoung and Miyeon... but she doesn't talk to me that much. She only looks at me or gives me short responses."

"Maybe you should spend some time alone with her. If you think about it, you almost always hang out with me, Miyeon, or the other JYP girls. Oh," it occurred to her suddenly, "you may have made her feel left out. Before it was you two, always. Rain or shine, inseparable. Now each one is literally in a different corner of the room."

Jennie's face made her want to erase her words. Too honest, she had hurt her.

"You're still friends, don't worry," Jisoo said awkwardly.

"I put her aside and now I'm complaining that she's been doing things without me. Cool."

"Don't be so hard on yourself…"

"I'm being selfish, Jisoo."

"We all are, and you didn't do anything wrong," she soothed her. "Just go and talk to her."

"She's with Jinny now," she mumbled as she got up from the ground to tie her hair up.

Jisoo imitated her. From the corner of her eye, she noticed that Lisa was looking at them, with that little face of an abandoned puppy that she was so good at doing. She was about to wave her hand, motioning for her to come closer, but Lisa quickly looked away and focused on her own reflection. For a second, in the mirror, she saw Lisa's frown, but it quickly softened, as if nothing had happened. Lisa and her great talent for remaining calm and emptying her mind...

Then she noticed Jennie looking at Lisa again. She didn't have that talent for staying calm and emptying her mind. Jennie looked like a cat that had just had cold water poured on her. Why was her friend angry? She hadn't the faintest idea, just guesses: people don't realize what they have until they lose it. Jennie wanted more attention from Lisa. Why? Again, she hadn't the faintest idea. She probably just missed her and didn't know how to express it. Which was weird, since there was a well-worn expression, "I miss you," that could fix everything in a second like magic.

Jisoo scratched her head. Her sister was right about men being idiots, but she also understood the other side of the story, when guys said women are too complicated.

The class moved on and that staring war continued, distracting Jisoo to the point where she seriously thought about just going in, dragging Lisa and Jennie by the ears and locking them up somewhere until they became best friends again.

Panting and dying inside, after an hour of dancing, Jisoo crawled over to one of the benches to rest her legs. When she revived a bit, she noticed that Chaeyoung was next to her.

"Are your back muscles sore too, Chaeyoung?" she asked with a half smile. "Or is it just me getting older?"

"Rosie."

"Hm?" Jisoo frowned, confused.

"It doesn't bother me, Chaeyoung, it's cute, but I prefer when people call me Rosie."

"Your Australian name?" she asked then, understanding.

"Yes, my lifelong name. Chaeyoung is fine, but it's a bit strange sometimes, not entirely mine, even after all this time I can't get used to it…"

Was she missing something? Was everyone with their chakras altered today or what?

"Rosie," she said, accepting the change. "I like it. Why didn't you say earlier that you prefer that name?"

"Only my family and friends in Australia called me that, but I came to Korea and figured I had to change it to fit."

Words like 'it's personal', 'you guys are strangers', 'I don't belong here' lurked behind her words. Luckily Jisoo was a good reader, she saw what was hidden between the lines.

"Before you know it, you'll be able to feel at home here, too," she said, and Rosie smiled at her words. "And maybe one day we will be very good friends."

"I'd like that," she replied with a giggle. "If I spend all my time with Lisa, I'm going to freak out."

"Or go deaf."

"God forbid..."

They both laughed, but when the silence fell, it became awkward.

"Roseanne," Jisoo murmured suddenly, breaking the tension, rolling the r's on her tongue more than necessary. "Rose... Rosie."

" Uh... what are you doing?"

"I'm thinking of a nickname."

"I don't need..."

"Rosen."

" Uh..."

"I'll come up with a better one as soon as I know your dark secrets, don't worry."

"I'm starting to regret talking to you a little bit," Rosie teased.

" Unnie ," Jennie moaned, approaching, drenched in sweat and looking like she wanted to die. Training on hot days was horrible, especially since the air conditioner in the basement had broken and the technician still hadn't shown up. "Oh Chae, hello."

"It's Rosen now," Jisoo corrected.

"I would prefer Rosie," Rosie corrected.

" Er...Okay..." Jennie sounded very confused, but she was also too exhausted to search for explanations. She just sat on the bench, next to Jisoo. "Rosenrosie," she stammered under her breath, letting her body drop listlessly, like melting ice cream.

" Are you okay?" Rosie asked in English.

" I want to throw up " Jennie answered.

"You can't stand the heat well..." Jisoo pointed out.

"Jennie unnie ," Rosie called, her voice sweet.

Jisoo arched one of her eyebrows. The Australian never used honorifics.

"Would you like to do a duet with me for the next monthly evaluation, for singing?"

Both Jennie and Jisoo widened their eyes in surprise and looked at her as if she had grown a third only really talked to Lisa, and even then she was surly. Usually, for all the group work, Rosie just waited for the others to get organized and then joined the group that was left incomplete. Or she would accept an invitation from someone, the first one who approached her, since she had a great voice and the groups wanted to use it and she didn't care. But Rosie asking to put together a group? Rosie starting?

"Okay," Jennie said, snapping out of her stupor.

"In the bedroom I'll show you my ideas, I have a laptop," Rosie said happily, before jumping up. "I'm going to keep practicing, I've had enough rest."

Jisoo and Jennie watched her walk away.

"Did I miss something? Is Chaeyoung in a very good mood?"

"I think we just met Rosie."

"What are you talking about?"

"She changed. That is, I noticed it before, she's been lighter since she participated in G-Dragon's song. Didn't you notice she's happier lately, with a spark?"

Jisoo opened her mouth suddenly, remembering, so she didn't let Jennie answer her first question.

"I bought you a tattoo."

"Sorry?"

Jisoo ran to her backpack and pulled a bag out of it. She held out the gift to Jennie, who looked at it curiously. It was a tattoo in a package, small one, of a phoenix.

"It's what you need now," she explained. "You have to be like her." Jisoo pointed at Rosie. "Let something die, and come back, being better."

"You're so weird, Jisoo," she said with a smile, "but thanks."

"When you convinced me to get a piercing, it helped me clear my mind. So, tada ! I offer you a tattoo, so that you stop regretting a single defeat. "

Jisoo didn't finish her Japanese homework in the end, but at least she was able to find the answer to her question. This was her way of telling Jennie to push herself, to be strong, to escape the ashes around her and shine brighter than ever.

"Ask Lisa for help with the tattoo," Jisoo thought then. "Please just do something together before you explode."

Jennie cocked her head.

"It's hard to follow the thread of a conversation with you."

---

One, two, three... cut!

DIRECTOR'S NOTES- I mean, AUTHOR'S NOTES:

The meaning of the chapter was: Grow up, accept changes, see the bad in yourself and fight your own monsters! But at the end of the day, they're just babies who whimper with their dads. xD

I want to clarify that I don't know much about idols like Bambam, Jackson, G-Dragon... I didn't see more than a few interviews. So I'm sorry if you know of them and feel unrealistic, but I don't know much about them and can't be precise.

By the way, I think it's obvious, but probably the translations of the songs are not exact. I try to go through several different translations and pick the one I like best, but you know, don't trust my accuracy too much with that either...

Anyway, thanks for reading. And don't forget to vote and comment!

FOOTNOTE:

[+235, -13]:

In the comments, depending on the website, you can react to them. [+] is number of likes and [-] is number of dislikes. This type of format is very normal to see in Korean news.

Yaoi / Yuri:

This is Japanese culture, not Korean. Manga and anime series respectively, which have the particular style of Japanese cartoon art. They not only have a particular drawing style, but demographic genres of their own. Two of them are yaoi and yuri, which are homosexual romance stories. Yaoi for two men and yuri for two women. Let's not confuse it with BL (Boy Love) and GL (Girl Love), which is a more recently born genre that aims to respect the LGBT community and tell a wholesome story (usually xd). Yaoi and yuri are in a certain way fetish works, they are designed to satisfy a heterosexual public. Yaoi for straight women and yuri for straight men. That's why yaoi has a great load of romance and marked gender roles (the dominant one who takes care of the feminine boy) and the yuri is very sexualized, even when it's just kisses.

Noona:

Term used by a young man to refer to an older woman. It will always be used from man to woman when she is older than him.

*Bambam likes to use this term with Lisa, since it's kind of a joke between them. Since they share the same age, it's funny that Bambam calls Lisa big sister. The reason is that she was much taller than him when they were children, so she looked much older than him. However, he rarely uses Noona when speaking in Korean, he usually uses it to joke around in Thai.