A/N: I've been gone for a while! Sorry, I was caught up in another fandom ship. Also that's kinda how I am with all of my hobbies . It's like a weird cycle of intense productivity, flat stagnation, stop and then back to creating. But anyways, I'm back. I definitely can't update as much but I can leave some drabbles here from time to time.

C9: Defeat
Some fights you're just meant to give up on and for Noelle that also meant letting him go.

Let him go, huh?

Heh, was that even possible if she never had him in the first place? Noelle thinks to herself, relishing in the finality of what she was about to do.

Asta and her were friends, that much she knew. For a while she was content with staying that way, the anti mage was a great person to be around. His insane determination was somehow contagious and his positivity endless. Even better, he cared about people, cherished them with his encouraging words. A person like that was rare to find, loving someone like that was even less common.

The princess tried so hard to stay afloat, to ignore the incessant yearning of her soul, her rapidly beating heart was annoyance and the blush in her cheeks were shameful. But as with all things, the strain eventually got to thin and her heart snapped; she couldn't take it anymore.

And she didn't want to leave him, really! If only she were stronger perhaps she could've toughed it out, gather the fragments of her foolish heart and attempt to keep it together for longer. Alas, it seems even she had her limits. Captain Yami would be disappointed, not that he'd know. Asta had taken the Captain positions for half a decade at this point.

There were plenty of reasons not to continue loving him, his obvious non-reciprocation for one.

"I'm gonna marry Sister Lily!" He always declared, already in his twenties and he still hadn't let it go. It was ridiculous at this point! Yet Noelle can't help but both admire his tenacity but at the same time feel an ache in her chest.

Why does he keep going after a woman that clearly doesn't and would never want him? Sister Lily was basically his mother after all, dating her son would be weird.

Does he not realize Noelle was right next to him, willing and waiting?

Idiot.

But then she realized, wasn't she doing the same thing as him?

She was wasting her time, pining for a person that would probably never return what they felt. Noelle was an idiot too. Although she hadn't bothered confessing to him, so really she's even worse. But Asta was so dense he would most likely see her confession as being a good friend or something. So even if she had admitted what she had been harboring for years now, it's not like she could change his mind. Nobody can.

So when he tells her — "Let's stay together forever." In that familiar wide signature grin on his that never failed to ignite butterflies in her stomach, she doesn't respond.

Stay together forever It made sense for him to want it, he would like that for all of his friends because that's just how he is. Any other day and she'd internally jump for joy at what he said, but not this time. If she stayed with him forever, then it would be impossible to move on.

Would it have been better if she stayed anyways, hiding away her anguish in damp tissues and puffy red eyes? Of course not, she wanted her own happiness, preferably from somewhere far away from him.

"Noelle?" Caring as always, he noticed her despondency. Right, his ki reading would give her away she needed a convincing excuse.

"What if I can't? What if I'm not strong enough?" He blew a raspberry, as if the very notion that was weak is impossible.

"You're the most amazing girl I know, Noelle. Of course you're strong!" He proclaims with so much faith, it makes her feel loved. His namesake was so perfect for him.

Asta, a specie of flower that symbolized star-like love. Clearly, Noelle hadn't learned from Icarus' mistake, because she got burnt from staying too close. But it wasn't too late just yet, she can still continue being his friend and she definitely will! The water mage just wanted to do that at a farther distance, far away enough that she assumed would make her situation less painful.

"That doesn't guarantee anything." She knew this was a regression to her old habits, the doubting, the sadness, the urge to hide behind an impenetrable wall. All as a mechanism to protect herself from experiencing as much hurt as her family did during childhood.

"Is everything okay?"

"Just fine—"

Asta looked annoyed for once, the smile he usually wore was nothing but a set line on his lips, his right eyebrow furrowed and the lime green orbs she loved lost their shine. His right hand grips her shoulder as he speaks, voice leveled with seriousness and yet still somehow relayed his caring nature.

"No it's not fine. It hasn't been for a while now and I can sense it, you know that." Figures he'd see through her, he always did.

"Every day there's just this empty feeling and I want to help you but I don't know how. Some days it even feels like your just forcing yourself to talk to me. Did I do something for you not to trust me anymore?" There was a fear in his eyes that she never thought she would ever see. If even someone as positive as Asta had begun to worry this much maybe she should come clean. Besides, she wasn't staying anymore anyways, her mind had been made up long before this conversation even happened. And she didn't want to leave with him thinking it was his fault when it was glaringly obvious that it was hers.

"Of course, I do. I'm in love with you, Asta." There was a stunned expression on his face but says nothing. Shocked, of course he was, despite the other Black Bulls relentlessly teasing her for years now and the knowing looks others gave them; he was simply that dense.

"I—I don't—" Understand was left unsaid, but the woman had already prepared.

Noelle can't help but smile bitterly, this was what she needed to finally get over her ridiculousness. Rejection would be a good wake up call.

"I know you don't feel the same and that's why I'm leaving." Aside from that her elder brother Nozel gave her the perfect opportunity to exit, she was to be Captain of the Silver Eagles.

"You're leaving because of me?"

"No. I'm leaving because I want to try to get over it, my feelings I mean. Not seeing you, all the time would probably make it easier for me." And because it hurts more to stay. She chooses to leave that out, there was no need to make him guilty.

"We will always be friends though, right?"

"Friends. Of course." She nods. There was nothing bad about staying that way, really the word signified a bond that sometimes surpassed even the realms of she tried so desperately to keep, alas she needed a break. When she recovers they can go back to normal, probably.

And that was it, she left the Black bulls waving that invisible white flag to all his other admirers, because she was finally done fighting a lost battle.

Asta was pretty confused to say the least. He wasn't sure what he should do nor how he should feel because apparently Noelle likes him. But does he like her, in that not-as-friends kind of way?

He has absolutely no idea.

It's kinda weird now that he thought about it. Most of his thoughts and feelings came pretty natural to him, he was a simple guy with a simple mind. He doesn't like thinking too deeply about anything. If he wanted to achieve something, he'll do it, if he witnessed someone being a jerk he called them out on it, if he liked something he immediately knew. Everything was straightforward because he was simple, Noelle would argue it was because he was an idiot and he won't deny it, there may be some truth to that.

With Noelle however, things weren't always so clear cut. The woman herself was like a puzzle he always had to wrestle with his brain to understand, she'd been a mystery from the day they met. But the more time passed and the less she hid herself, the more he understood why. The girl had been through so much suffering that she'd rather create a false sense of superiority to avoid getting hurt.

And she was hurting all these years because of him. He wasn't just an idiot, he was also ignorant. But again—

Did he like her?

His mind came up blank, just like the other previous times he'd already tried to answer. He knows he likes her, he said as much back on their first Stars Festival, she was strong yet kind in her own way. But did he like—like her, was such a different question.

He let her leave because he respects her decision. Besides, it was a promotion opportunity he would never take that away from her. He wonders how they would act now that he knew how she felt. He could only wish that their bond was still as strong as ever but even he knows that wasn't going to happen.

It would be foolish to hope that nothing changed because she herself admitted how difficult it was to continue how they were.

I was in an angsty mood so it's not a happy ending this time.

Sorry if the formatting is a bit of a mess, I'm still testing out how this site works.