Chapter 6
Cassian had stormed off the second he screamed the words at her. He didn't even give her two seconds to react, he just took off. She knew exactly where he was going, who he was going to tell. She didn't mean to upset him. She knew that there was something going on between them. She knew that their connection was a lot deeper. She had been denying that they were mates up until that point.
It was going to kill her. If the Inner Circle didn't get to her first. She was sitting on a nearby bench. After he had stormed off she kinda just stood there. She had no idea what to do. If she should follow him. If she should go explain herself. All she could think was that he deserved better. Maybe now he would realize he really did deserve better.
She was freezing. The dress wasn't keeping her warm at all and she didn't bring a jacket since it would ruin the dress. She took her heels off. She wrapped her arms around herself trying to stay warm. Her hair was a mess from being blown around and she was sure her makeup was running down her face along with the tears.
Footsteps approached her but she didn't dare look to see who it was. They wouldn't kill her right here in the street right?
"What are you doing?" Amren asked her.
"Nothing." Nesta answered. Maybe Amren didn't know that Cassian took her out and had no idea about their fight. Maybe Amren was a safe person to be with at this very second.
"You're just freezing your ass for no reason?" Nesta sighed.
"I got into a fight with Cassian." She whispered. "I didn't mean to upset him." Cassian was usually pretty good at holding his composure. But not when it came to her. She got under his skin and could get him into such a rage. Amren sat beside her. Nesta finally looked over at her, tears still falling from her eyes. "Did everyone know we were mates?"
"Not at first. Some of us guessed it. He confirmed it a few weeks ago." Neither of them said anything further. Nesta was beginning to shake, she was so cold. "Come on. Let's go get you warmed up." Amren stood and waited. Nesta stood and followed silently behind her, shoes in hand. "What did you fight about?" Amren asked.
"Feyre had told me that he deserves someone that treats him right. He deserves so much more than me." Amren wasn't going to respond to that. Nesta already knew that everyone thought the same thing. She didn't need to hear it again and Amren knew that. It would only crush her more.
"Why can't you just treat him right?"
"I'm trying. He didn't even give me a chance. He just… I don't know." Her thoughts were all over the place she probably wasn't even making any sense. If he had just given her a few minutes to react and figure out her thoughts they would probably be making out on the street right now. But of course she said the wrong thing and pissed him off. "Rhys wants to ship me off to some house." Amren knew about the house. "He's gonna send me away isn't he?"
"I'm not sure." Rhys would want to. Cassian, no matter how mad he was, wouldn't let Rhys do that. Amren opened her apartment door and stepped inside. She waited for Nesta to come in before closing and locking the door. It looked exactly the same as the last time Nesta was here.
Amren started some tea while Nesta sat down.
"How's training going?" Amren asked.
"It's okay." Nesta shrugged. "Cassian is a good trainer." Training would probably stop. She was going to miss her. Her heart already ached for him. "Can see why he's the General." Amren nodded. Nesta felt weird being here. Amren was the first of them to tell her that she was a waste. Her sister's were next in telling her that she was wasting away her life. But, they used to see each other every couple of days. Amren was the closest thing Nesta had had to a friend in a long time. When Cassian stepped into that position of 'friend' she thought she would be okay.
Gods she was so lost
Cassian stormed into the River House. Rhys was not expecting him to be back here alone and so soon.
"What the hell happened?" Rhys asked him.
"Nesta happened."
"What do you mean?" Feyre was beside Rhys, a canvas in her lap.
"Honestly I don't know what you said to her but whatever it was, I'm done with her." He never thought that he would admit that. He had tried so hard to get her to change, to heal, to be a better person. Not for him or anyone else, but for herself. "She is never going to change. She can be miserable for the rest of her life."
"Where is she?" Rhys asked.
"I left her on the bridge."
"You just left her out there alone?" He asked.
"Yup." He poured himself some wine and sat down. "I'm done."
"That's fine. You can be done." Rhys answered. "You always have a room here, you know that." No one said anything but Rhys could see the hurt and longing in his eyes. There was a lot of healing that was going to need to happen for both Cassian and Nesta.
Nesta crashed on Amren's couch that night. She woke up the next morning to whispered voices coming from the kitchen. She slowly sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She could barely make out a set of wings from around the corner. She sucked in a harsh breath. Here it came.
The voices stopped, Rhys stood to his full height and looked at her. Feyre and Amren were standing behind him. All of them moved into the living room. Nesta's breathing picked up. She was terrified. This was the moment that they were going to tell her that she was moving to the mountains and someone would drop off the things she needed in a month.
"I told you not to hurt him." Nesta could hear the anger in Feyre's voice.
"I didn't mean to. I swear." She didn't want to cry but thinking of Cassian and him being so angry with her made her want to. She never meant to hurt him. She just needed some time to process.
"I warned you, Nesta."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry? You're only sorry because we're here." If she could just see him and talk to him they could figure this out. "He has decided he will not be seeing you anymore." Rhys confirmed. He had talked with Cassian for hours. Cassian decided he would not be returning to the house of wind to train anymore. "You however will be staying at the House of Wind and you will work 12 hour days in the library."
"Okay." Nesta whispered. She never meant to hurt Cassian. He was the last person she ever wanted to hurt. She would never forgive herself for doing that to him.
"Azriel won't be there either. You'll have the house to yourself." Feyre commented.
"I didn't mean to hurt him."
"You hurt everyone, Nesta. It's nothing new." It was probably better for her to just stay silent. "Rhys will fly you back." Feyre left out the door, not even bothering with a goodbye, she could barely look at Nesta she was so disgusted with her actions.
"Thank you for letting me spend the night, Amren." Nesta thanked her as she stood and gathered her shoes.
"You're welcome." Rhys grabbed Nesta's arm as they left. They flew in silence. Her thoughts were so loud. She wasn't sure if he could read it all over her face.
Rhys dropped her right at the door.
"6AM sharp tomorrow."
"Tell Cassian I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."
"No." Then he flew off. The house was cold when she entered. No one has been here since last night. Azriel probably left first thing this morning and was never going to return. It was already too quiet.
She decided to take a bath. It would help warm her up. She laid out some warm pj's for when she got out. 12 hour days in the library were going to be brutal. She most likely only get one break for lunch. Being on her feet all day was going to be tiring. It would probably be just as bad as training.
Her thoughts ran the entire time she cleaned her body. She wished Feyre had believed her, when she said that she didn't mean to hurt him. She didn't. She had just said the wrong thing. Pushed him away when she should have been pulling him closer. Her brain was telling her things and her body was saying the opposite. She was so confused and she was only getting more confused.
She would never have the chance to make it right.
Cassian hadn't slept. Instead he got shitfaced drunk and destroyed the room that Feyre had set up for Nesta just in case. Neither one of them minded him taking his anger out on the furniture. They would just get new things. Nesta was never going to use the room anyway.
Rhys had sent Elain and Mor out so that Elain wouldn't be scared by all the screaming and smashing. Nothing in that room went untouched by Cassian's fists.
As fast as the smashing started, it ended. Rhys watched him from the doorway. Feyre had gone off to bed, not wanting to deal with either of them while they were like this.
"I'm done."
"With smashing things or with everything?"
"Both." With that, he headed off to his room. He slammed the door and locked it behind him. Rhys sighed, there was no way to help him. He knew that Cassian would try to handle all of his feelings alone. Cassian deserved so much better. He deserves someone who treats him like he's a king, and someone who would never hurt him to the point where he became violent. Cassian could use a friend who was soft and kind. Maybe Rhys would see if Elain was up to talking to him tomorrow. If he ever woke up for the day. He drank so much wine he was probably going to be crashed out for most of the day tomorrow. Rhys didn't mind, as long as he didn't drink himself to death. Rhys has never seen Cassian like this. Ever.
"She really hurt him." Feyre said when Rhys finally joined her in bed.
"She did."
"He really loves her." Rhys shrugged. Cassian didn't tell him how deep his feelings went. The mating bond was usually that deep but even when it snaps into place it doesn't mean the two are instantly in love.
"Do you believe her? That she didn't mean to hurt him."
"Yes and no." He answered truthfully. "I think she didn't mean to hurt him on purpose but she says things without thinking about it."
"It has to just be a misunderstanding."
"Well, Cassian said his peace. I'm not going to force him to see her if he doesn't want to." Rhys wouldn't force him to do anything he didn't want to do. He would never make him suffer more than he already is. "Get some rest. We'll deal with the rest in the morning."
6AM sharp Nesta was entering the library.
You're early today
"Rhys said I'm now to work 12 hour days." Nesta confirmed. "No more training. So I'll be here."
No more training?
"Cassian-" Even just saying his name hurt her heart. "Didn't want to train with me anymore. So Rhys decided I could work instead." Nesta didn't want to tell her the whole truth. She wasn't going to tell her that even Cassian hated her now. She tried to push that thought away. Everyone fucking hates you. Everyone now included Cassian.
Nesta walked to her cart before Clotho could respond. She needed to keep her mind busy or she would fall apart. She did this to herself. She had been so horrible that the people who cared about her couldn't stand her anymore. If she had just been more pleasant or reached out for help or explained her thoughts she might not be here right now.
She could apologize but that only went so far. They probably wouldn't even listen to her. She wanted Cassian to know that she felt the same. She liked him. Loved him even. And wanted a relationship with him. He would never know. Not unless he came to the House. But he was never going to put himself in a position to be hurt again. He would go the rest of his life without seeing her if he had to just to protect himself. He never thought he would need to protect himself from her. Turns out she was the one he should have been protecting himself from the most.