Chapter 7

The first few days alone felt like a piece of cake. All Nesta did was put away books. She was exhausted but the work kept her busy. Her mind was a constant rumble of noise so much so that she swore the Priestess' that surrounded her could hear her thoughts.

It was day four that she thought she was going to die alone. Not only because she was in love with Cassian and wouldn't want to be with anyone but because she still hadn't been able to make it down all the stairs. She tried.

She missed Cassian a lot more than she thought could be possible. For the last month she had seen him every single day. Now she was cut off from everyone and had no way of contacting any of them. Even if she could contact them, what would she even say?

She tried writing it all down but her head was such a jumbled mess that none of it even made sense.

After her fourth day working at the library, she stood at the window watching the snow fall. The first snow of the season. The house didn't light any fires but it was warm and fresh bread and soup were waiting for her when she got home. She enjoyed them by the window.

The first snow meant that Solstice would be here soon. She wanted to get something for Cassian but wasn't sure how to. She wouldn't be invited to the celebration with everyone else. Even if she was, she wouldn't want to go and ruin anyone's time. But she did want to send something to Cassian. Maybe Clotho would know of a way to get messages. Even then, would he accept her gift?

Cassian hated the hovering. Everyone was such a busybody. Even Elain checked on him daily. He hated it. He was fine. Rhys insisted that he and Elain go out shopping. So he treated Elain to breakfast at a little cafe before they headed out to shop. It was freezing. A storm would be coming within the next few days.

The city was bustling. Everyone was preparing for the storm and for Solistice. Cassian followed Elain around as she went into different shops.

"Think Azriel would like this?" She asked him, holding up a blanket.

"Honest?"

"Yes."

"No." He chuckled at her pout but she put it back down. "You know you don't have to get him anything right?"

"I know. Rhys told me but I'm gonna anyway." She picked out a few gifts for the others before they headed to the next store. "You okay?" Elain asked him. He had a distant look in his eyes. She could tell this was the last thing he wanted to be doing but Rhys wanted him to get out of the house. He hadn't left it in almost a week.

"Yeah." He didn't want to talk to Elain about his problems. She was out trying to have a good time. And he certainly did not want to upset her by bringing up her sister.

"Thinking about her?" She asked, picking up a sweater. Cassian didn't say anything but it was confirmation enough for her. "Why don't you just talk to her?" Elain seemed to always be the voice of reason. She wanted to see the good in people. Cassian didn't believe that Nesta could ever be good. He wasn't sure he wanted to be with a person who treated people like that.

"It doesn't matter." He commented.

"It does." She softly said. "I'll tell you what I know." Cassian wasn't sure he wanted to know what Elain knew. It couldn't be anything good. "When we went to help her get ready for the date, she had this look in her eye every time your name was said." Cassian was listening. "She likes you, Cassian." She picked up another article of clothing. "She isn't good with words. She never has been. She says things she doesn't mean and reacts in ways that some people don't understand. But she likes you. And I'm sure she's hurting just as much not being able to see you."

"What if she doesn't?" He asked. "What if she doesn't like me the same way I like her?" Cassian had watched Lucien hurt. Elain didn't feel the same way for Lucien. It killed him every single day that Elain didn't have the same feelings toward him. What if it was the same with Nesta?

"She does." Elain shook her head. "You told her to open her eyes, why aren't you opening yours?"

The next day when Nesta entered the library, she asked Clotho if there was any way to get to Windhaven from here. If Nesta could get to the village she might be able to find a gift for Cassian and send it.

When she didn't get the answer she wanted, she nearly stomped to her cart.

"You okay?" One of the priestess asked. Nesta had seen her before, she's the only one who didn't wear the hood.

"Yeah." She answered with a sigh. "Just… Wanted to get someone something for Solstice but I can't get to Windhaven and he probably wouldn't want it anyway." She wasn't sure why she was telling her this. Maybe because she hadn't spoken to anyone but the house in the last five days.

"I'm sorry." The priestess answered.

"It's not your fault." Nesta glanced at her. Her teal eyes were shining bright as the priestess looked at her. "I'm Nesta."

"I'm Gwyn." She smiled. "It's nice to meet you Nesta."

"Same to you."

"You've been down here a lot longer than usual."

"Yeah, uh. Cassian decided he didn't want to train me anymore so…" She trailed off with a shrug. She hated talking about it. Hated that she was the reason that Cassian had given up on her. She wanted nothing more than to just be able to talk to him. To get him to listen to her. To understand that she was just in shock. It's not everyday that someone brings you out on a date and then admits he's your mate.

"Oh, so you'll be going to the city for Solstice?" Gwyn asked.

"No. I'll be here." Nesta confirmed.

"But Cassian usually goes…." Gwyn trailed off as Nesta looked at her. "I'm sorry." Most of the priestess' knew why she was here. Rhys was forcing her to train with Cassian. Everyone knew Cassian. Everyone respected Cassian.

"It's okay." Nesta didn't know what exactly happened to each Priestess. She knew that they had been through some horrific things and Rhys had gifted them this library to be a safe space for them. But other than that she did not know what they had been through that made them feel safe here. Nesta wanted to talk to someone about what happened. Wanted to get an opinion on what she should do. But there was no one and she didn't want to bother Gwyn with her problems.

"You don't have to tell me." Gwyn commented as she grabbed a few books off a shelf. "That's what's nice about this place. We don't have to tell each other our stories in order to understand. And we certainly aren't going to judge you for it." Nesta made eye contact with her. "If you ever need to talk, I'm always around." Nesta smiled at the words.

"Thank you." She could really use a friend. Gwyn left her there to finish up her own work. Nesta had to come up with a way to get a message to Cassian.

When her work day was done, she headed back to the house to eat and take a bath. While in the bath, she let her walls come down.

Rhysand? She wasn't even sure this was going to work. How did it even work? She had no idea. Can you hear me? Nothing. She sighed.

What do you want?

To get a message to Cassian.

He wants nothing to do with you. She knew that. He had made it clear. But she needed to let him know that she felt the same.

He just has to know I feel the same. I did not mean to hurt him. Everything just happened so fast. Rhysand was silent. Nothing else came through. She sighed. She wasn't sure if Rhys would get the message to him. Rhys probably didn't want to hurt him anymore than he already was.

She needed to make it to the bottom of the stairs. She was determined. As soon as she got out of the bath, she took a few deep breaths before starting on the downward spiral. Her breathing was heavy as she got to step 6,000. She stopped, breathing hard trying to catch her breath. A cold glass of water appeared on the step.

"Thank you." She chugged as fast as she could. She started back up. She would try again tomorrow.

Cassian was in a mood. Rhys tried to be understanding but he needed his general. Rhys was shocked that Nesta had reached out. He could feel how sincere she was being when she said that she liked Cassian. Rhys wasn't sure he should tell Cass what she said. He wasn't sure it would help him.

"Stop." Rhys commented to Cassian who was still sitting in his office pouting. "Just go talk to her." Maybe if he got Cassian to go all on his own it would be okay.

"I want nothing to do with her."

"I know, Mr. Moody." Rhys rolled his eyes. "But I think you should listen to what she has to say."

"How do you know that she even has anything to say? I'm sure she feels no remorse."

"I spoke with her." Cassian snapped his head towards Rhys who was already looking at him.

"What?"

"She reached out." Rhys shrugged.

"What did she say?" He asked.

"I can't tell you."

"Bullshit." Cassian said. "She didn't reach out. She's probably living her best life up there. A house that will give her whatever she wants, all alone, not having to train. She's loving it." Rhys wasn't sure if that was true. He didn't ask her how she was doing. He didn't really care how she was doing. He cared about Cassian.

"I can send Feyre up to see what's going on. Get a read on how she's feeling." Cassian wasn't sure what he wanted or needed. Wasn't sure if he should go talk to her. Just so she could hurt him again? No. No way was he going to let her get close enough to hurt him again. He was never going to let her even get close enough to touch him. She could die alone for all he cared.

"Just gonna make Feyre go up and suffer the same fate?" Rhys rolled his eyes.

"Feyre would be willing to speak with her." Rhys had told Feyre first that Nesta had reached out. Feyre saw the distant look in his eye and knew he was talking to someone. Feyre was just as shocked that it was Nesta. They had both agreed that Feyre could go see her sister when she wished. Rhys said that he wanted to talk to Cassian about it first. He wasn't going to send Feyre into a wolf's den if he didn't need to.

"She's gonna be our spy?"

"Sure." Rhys commented. It wasn't like Nesta would hurt Feyre. "It's been 5 days. I'm sure she could use some company."

"She probably doesn't even miss me."

"Do you miss her?"

"What part of "she's my mate" did you not understand?" Rhys chuckled.

"Thought maybe you would have rejected the bond by now." He shrugged. "How much do you care about her?" Rhys would have rather just shipped Nesta to the house that he was having built but Cassian refused. Rhys knew that Cassian still, no matter how mad he was, would never let anything happen to Nesta.

"I want to be with her."

"Did you even give her a second to process your words?" Cassian couldn't remember. He remember's that they were fighting. Remembers screaming the words at her like he hated her. And maybe in this moment he did hate her. He hated her for the way she made him feel. Like he should fall at her feet and beg her for her forgiveness. But she had hurt him. The look on her face, her thinking that she wasn't good enough for him. That Feyre had gone to Nesta and planted thoughts in her head. He hated all of it. Hated that he hadn't proved to her that she was all he was ever going to want. That he didn't want someone else.

Cassian didn't answer Rhys but it was an answer.

"If you love her the way you claim, you wouldn't be here brooding. Go talk to her." Rhysand had no idea when he became the voice of reason for his friends love lives. "She obviously is trying to reach out a hand." Cassian sighed. "You said you wanted to be with her. Go be with her."

He wasn't too sure if he was ready for that. He needed her to fully understand that they were mates. That they were meant to be together. He wanted her to want him just as much as he wanted her. He of course would never force anything onto her but he needed her to know. They need to talk it over. It was going to kill him if he didn't see her soon.

Still, he would give it a few days. Let her think it over. Let her try to understand the bond they had.

He would fly to the House of Wind in a few days. See if she finally understood him.

But, did he understand her?