Replies:
Sam: Same. Mapapasana all ka talaga sa dalawang ito T^T.
elleoNN: She burnt the chocolate XD, also known as "seized", it's why the texture is weird (I bake sometimes and I did the same mistake once lmao) but apparently doing that doesn't change the taste at all.
Prack: Ohhh! Thank you for correcting me. Either way, I'm glad BC will be with us for a long period of time. It's like growing up alongside it! As for 'Defeat 2' I've been making a draft for it, but it's nowhere near finished XD.
AN: I'm probably giving ya'll whiplash 'cuz this ain't fluff like last chapter. I had this plot bunny since last year but never finished after my writing app decided to malfunction. Good thing all my drafts were in a cloud but that still meant I've had to transfer writing tools. It's one of the reasons why I stopped writing for this ship _ but since I've been revived (lol) I might as well finish it.
I've always thought that we brushed over the fact that Asta technically killed Noelle and Finral even if Vanessa manifested the red string of fate. I imagine Rogue works like a time rewinder right? So technically all events still happened but time rewinded over and over til the best outcome is brought out. But do any of the characters remember the alternate realities or just Vanessa, or just the cat?
Whatever the case, Asta remembers in this fic.
Warning for blood and trauma.
C16: Nightmare
He attempts to free them but finds his legs cemented to the ground, reminding him of the last spell performed onto him moments ago.
'Blood magic: Puppet's Blood'
Is this the Witch Queen's intention? Use him to execute his friends? And successfully reduce him to a bystander that could do nothing but hopelessly watch?
A cold voice snaps him back to reality.
"I'll start with you little royal." A shiver of fear courses through his veins.
The anti-mage slept like a rock on most nights, the second his head hits the pillow you can bet he was already snoring, but some days were more troubling than others. Occasionally Asta's mind liked to torture him with memories that shouldn't even exist.
His nightmares involved repeatedly attacking his friends while Vanessa desperately begs her mother to stop. In every scenario, time rewinds and his aim is altered enough to avoid causing injury. He isn't sure where these came from, after all he'd been unconscious all throughout the Witch Queen's puppet spell.
The swordsman is a far cry from what people would describe as introspective and even if he was, the circumstances at the time simply left no opportunity to ruminate on anything that transpired; they were all too busy defeating multiple enemies on that same day: the Eye of the Midnight Sun, the Diamond Kingdom's forces and the Witch Queen herself.
Miraculously they survived through all that chaos with only a couple injuries, yet his nightmares revealed an alternate reality that he wishes he never witnessed.
Perhaps it was stupid to wonder about the what ifs but Asta can't help but agonize over them sometimes. What if Vanessa couldn't manifest the thread of fate in time? What if he'd never been freed from the Witch Queen's control? How many innocent people would he have been forced to kill?
Splash
"Oi Bakasta, what's wrong with you? You're acting strange." Noelle asks when he got blown away by her sixth water ball that afternoon.
Asta stands back up, mindful of the muddy patches of soil on the ground due to excess water. The anti-mage scratches his neck with a sheepish grin on his face. "Sorry, I couldn't sleep last night. I'm probably tired."
"Strange. You never get tired." His training partner comments as she leans closer to scrutinize his face, her amethyst eyes flickered with life but his mind sparks various images of death and he flinches away.
The Silva frowns at his odd behavior but doesn't question him any further. "Alright. Sleep better next time, groggy opponents don't make for good training." She huffs and they return to base, deciding that was enough for the day.
He promises himself to get proper rest next time, if only to avoid worrying Noelle further. Asta's task however is easier said than done, and sure enough this was proven the very next morning.
Pain. That is all that registers in his mind. Not the sudden appearance of blood on the forest floor nor the sight of crucifixes rising from the ground.
Just excruciating pain.
Asta would compare the sensation of his blood being manually controlled as a million times worse than having his arms shattered into a thousand tiny fragments. It felt as though he is trapped in this constant state of pins and needles all throughout his body, yet he can't so much as lift a finger to try and shake the feeling off. Worriedly, his attention shifts to concern for his injured friends.
It occurs to him then that his comrades were restrained on a symbol that is very familiar to him. He grew up waking up to the sight of it for 15 years, it was impossible to count the number of whispered prayers he had dedicated to it along with his siblings. Instead of nostalgia or comfort however, his anxiety surges.
After all, crucifixion is also a method of execution.
He attempts to free them but finds his legs cemented to the ground, reminding him of the last spell performed onto him moments ago.
'Blood magic: Puppet's Blood'
Is this the Witch Queen's intention? Use him to execute his friends? And successfully reduce him to a bystander that could do nothing but hopelessly watch?
A cold voice snaps him back to reality.
"I'll start with you little royal." A shiver of fear courses through his veins.
His puppeteer forces him to approach.
Step.
"Asta stop. Don't you recognize me?" Noelle calls out while pulling at her restraints. Unfortunately, even if the swordsman replies, all he can manage is incoherent grunts.
Step.
His legs struggle against every agonizing inch closer.
Step.
Despite his effort to constrict his muscles however, his body still manages to close the distance.
His arms raise the sword and pulls it back to gain as much momentum. Asta frantically tries to lower his arms, desperately stopping himself and break free from this tormenting cage. He can't let this happen, not to Noelle, not to his friends, not to himself.
Alas, no amount of sheer will power will ever break the swordsman free.
Swing.
Splatter.
Thud.
His mind is blank.
Asta doesn't want to look at what he's done, he doesn't want to acknowledge the scent of iron in the air nor feel the warm liquid slowly dripping down his bare torso and cheek. His whole-body trembles, stomach unbelievable queasy - as if the slightest movement would cause him to throw up; he doesn't even want to breath.
In protest his body automatically locks its eyes on the sight that will forever be ingrained in his mind. On the ground was a severed head donned with familiar silver strands. Frozen cotton candy irises stare back at him.
Then he hears Vanessa's horrified screams and Asta could no longer lie to himself.
Noelle is dead. Killed by his anti-magic sword. He murdered her with his own two hands.
Just as he starts to sink into despair, he feels as though everything but himself is suspended in time, then rewinds up to the moment he swings his sword. But rather than the Silva's neck, his sword hits the base of the crucifix and she falls to the floor.
Noelle is alive again!
Asta's relief though is only temporary because in the next moment his arms raise once more, weapon aimed to stab through her torso. Vanessa's desperate pleas reach his ears as his weapon keeps going higher and higher.
No. Please. Not again.
The anti-mage whimpers as the sword sinks deeper into her ribcage. Noelle grunts and hacks out blood, her head drops to the ground after. His insides quiver as he witnesses the light from her eyes slowly fade. Familiar cloudy eyes stare back at him, void of any ounce of life.
Time rewinds again, but instead of the water mage he veers off to Finral's direction.
No more. Please. Enough.
His body doesn't hesitate to swing and slices the spatial mage in half but it doesn't take long for time to rewind once more. However, he realizes that time goes back even further, all the way to the beginning.
To the point when all he could feel and think about was pain.
Thus, the never-ending loop of his onslaught ensues.
Whenever the anti-mage finds himself awakened breathless with his back soaked in cold sweat, he knows that the nightmare revisited him. Every time he so much as closed his eyes, the false memories repeatedly flashed so attempting to fall back asleep was pointless. Thus, rather than going back to sleep he often spent the early hours performing additional exercises to his already extensive morning routine. It doesn't dawn on him that doing so only added to his exhaustion.
Asta doesn't expect the lights to already be turned on at the living room.
Who would be awake at this hour? He wonders. This is the first time that a Black Bull was awake earlier than him. As he walks towards the couch, a voice asks him a question.
"Can't sleep, again?" The princess speaks, her gaze hidden behind the hardbound cover of a very thick book.
"Noelle?" Rather than reply she closes the book and dedicates her full attention to assessing him. When she is done, the girl crosses her arms.
"You look pale, are you okay? Did something happen?" Asta wonders if he should tell the water mage. Wasn't it bothersome to be this hung up about the past? What 15-year-old continues to have nightmares anyway? Surely it was just a silly and childish problem, there was no need to burden Noelle with this.
"I'm fine." He hears her tongue click in annoyance.
"If you didn't want to tell me, you could've just said so." Asta cringes internally.
She sounds disappointed and for good reason, after all they are close friends; they are supposed to trust each other. As it turns out Noelle knows him too well, lying more would only spark her anger.
"It's not that I don't – it's just -" He releases a loud sigh. "I had a nightmare."
Her irritation shifts to concern. "About?"
"Do you remember when the Witch Queen took control of me?" She nods. "Back then, I hurt you."
"What are you talking about? You missed every time you tried." The swordman shakes his head, he knows that himself. It's why he'd been confused the first time it happened but the more vivid visions his brain supplied the more he believed it was true.
"Not at first, my nightmares keep showing alternative scenarios where I always kill you. Rouge just keeps undoing everything." Uncharacteristically he drops next to her on the couch, one of his clutched to his face.
Frustration, fear and guilt resonate in his voice. "I killed you, twice and I couldn't do anything about it."
An annoyed frown blooms on Noelle's face. "Are you stupid? Why would you be guilty of something you never did? And even if I died, I wouldn't blame you at all –"
"If you died, I would never forgive myself!" The anti-mage screams. His hand drops down, revealing angry tears and she is taken aback at his unusual display of vulnerability.
"Asta…"
"Noelle if you died…" His vocal cords tremble. "- that would've been a nightmare I would never wake up from."
In an instant, the youngest Silva envelops him in a hug. His tears flow stronger, which starts to dampen her dress. Shaky hands cling onto her, his head nestled onto her chest at a point that he can even hear her pulse.
Under normal circumstances she'd have thrown him away for touching her so casually, so he tries to apologize but she softly shushes him. Her fingers lightly brush his ashen blond hair, effectively calming him somewhat.
She feels so cozy, so comforting, so… alive.
"I can hear your heart beating." Asta informs, not knowing what else to say.
"Good because this is reality and I'm not dead, so get that stupid idea out of your head." Noelle cups his cheek, and he gazes at crystalline purple irises.
"I survived, we all survived and that's all that matters."
When his tears stop flowing, they release the hug. They spend their next moments simply sitting next to each other, the occasional sniffle escapes from him along with the sound of her soft breathing. His exhaustion sets, the heaviness of his eyes perfectly contrasts the lightness in his chest.
Even so Asta doesn't want to sleep and this time it was not because he was afraid of what he'd dream of.
"Can - " His hand wrings his wrist. "- can you stay awake with me?" Noelle scoffs as if offended by the question.
"Why do you think I'm here in the first place?"
Don't you just love it when characters are comfortable with each other enough to share vulnerability T^T?
Btw, I'm gonna start slowing down on updates since I'm about to go back to school, :P.