Chapter 8
Nesta had never heard back from Rhysand. She had no idea if he had gotten the message to Cassian. Even if he did tell Cassian what she said, Cassian never came to the house.
The only communication that she had with Rhysand or Feyre was that they were dropping her hours at the library back down. Feyre had somehow convinced him that 12 hours was far too long. Not that Nesta really minded. She enjoyed her time at the library. It gave her something to keep her mind busy. And her body since they weren't training anymore.
She had only seen Gwyn a few more times but kept their conversations short. Solstice was approaching quickly and she was too busy running around with her work to stop and have a conversation.
So, Nesta talked to the house. She thought she sounded stupid. Telling the house all about how she was in love with Cassian and how they were mates. She told the house that all she wanted was to get a present to him for Solstice. That night when she got back from the library, a box was sitting on her bed.
"What's this?" She smiled to herself. She giggled before opening the box. Inside sat a perfect dagger. The handle was a dark red with one single flame on it. A small gasp left her mouth. "It's beautiful." She sighed. Something Cassian would enjoy. "I have no way of getting it to him."
"Getting what to who?" Feyre said behind her. Nesta screamed, dropping the dagger and holding her chest.
"What the fuck Feyre!" She shouted. Feyre chuckled and stepped into the room. Nesta sat on the bed to calm her beating heart. "Why would you do that?"
"I thought you had heard me." Feyre smiled a little at her sister. "How are you?"
"Fine." Nesta answered a little too fast to make it not seem convincing. "How are you? How's Elain?"
"We're both good." Feyre knew that Nesta didn't really care about how her or Elain were doing. She was worried about Cassian. "He's fine too." Nesta didn't respond. She didn't want to know that he was doing fine without her. He could easily move on if he wanted. He could have anyone he wanted, why would he want her? A girl who couldn't control her emotions and lashed out the second they became too much to handle. "I just came to invite you to the celebration." Nesta was surprised.
"It's okay. Thanks for the invite though." Nesta took her shoes off and picked out something to wear to bed.
"You're not gonna come?" Feyre asked, a little disappointed.
"No. I don't wanna make anyone uncomfortable like I did last year." Last year no one but Elain and Feyre spoke to her.
"They can deal with it." Feyre answered. "Or is it because of him? Because you don't want to see him?"
"He doesn't want to see me." Rhys told her that Cassian wanted nothing to do with her. She believed him when he said it. Feyre was silent, confirming that Rhys wasn't lying. "Will you give this to him?" Nesta asked, putting the dagger back in its box and handing it to her.
"Sure." Feyre didn't have high hopes about Nesta coming. She knew that she most likely wasn't going to come. "Are you sure you don't want to come?" Feyre asked. "I don't want you to be alone."
"I'll be fine on my own." Nesta wanted to have a celebration but she wasn't too sure what she should celebrate. She had been on her own for a while now, she wasn't sure why Solstice would make any difference. Besides the fact that it was Feyre's birthday, she was never invited to any of their dinner parties either. Even though she was here training with Cassian, he would leave every few days and she knew that's where he was going. "You guys never had a problem leaving me on my own before."
"That's not what I meant."
"No. Just meant that you're afraid I'm gonna do something."
"I'm afraid Cassian is going to fall into a depression because you can't get your head out of your ass long enough to see that he has feelings for you."
"I have tried every single day to get down those stairs to try to talk to him." Nesta wasn't sure if he had made the effort to climb them to see her. He could fly here if he really wanted to. Why was it that Nesta was the only one who had to make an effort for everyone to see that she was a different person. "I also tried to get Rhysand to tell him." She wasn't sure what more she was supposed to do. She had reached step 6,700 yesterday before collapsing. She thought she was going to pass out.
"Usually mates try harder." It made Nesta want to try less. Feyre grabbed the box off the bed. "I'll get this to him." She answered before turning to head to the door. "Happy Solstice, Nesta." Then she was gone. This had to be Feyre's payback right? She was treating Nesta how Nesta treated her when they became Fae. Nesta deserved it.
The Solstice celebration was in full swing when Cassian arrived. Immediately Mor handed him a glass of wine.
"Happy Solstice." She smiled. He leaned down to kiss her cheek.
"Happy Solstice." He looked around the room. No Nesta. Not that it surprised him. Feyre and Rhysand did warn him that they would be inviting her. They warned the other's too who all protested and Feyre made them promise that they would keep their thoughts to themselves if Nesta came. Cassian just kept his mouth shut the whole time.
"Feyre said she's not coming." Mor confirmed. He nodded before greeting everyone else. He made eye contact with Lucien, who was sitting as far away from Elain as he could get. Or was she sitting as far away from him as she could get? He wasn't sure. He was probably right to assume it was the latter. Lucien dipped his chin down in a greeting, Cassian did the same.
Mor wasted no time asking to do presents. Cassian really didn't want to open anything. He didn't want anything. He just enjoyed seeing everyone else happy.
Once most of the presents were opened, Feyre grabbed the last box and carefully carried it over to him.
"This is from Nesta." Cassian didn't make a move to grab the box. Feyre held it in her hands waiting. "She misses you."
"How would you know?"
"Went to see her a few days ago." She answered. "She didn't want to make you uncomfortable if she came." That hurt Cassian's heart. She was just up at the house of wind all by herself. "She's been trying to make it down the stairs to talk to you."
"She has?" Feyre nodded. She wasn't sure how far Nesta got, but it was clear she was trying. She was trying to communicate with them. Or at least Cassian. But no one was answering. She was finally reaching out her hand and Cassian wasn't there to grab it.
"I don't know exactly what was said that night. But she has feelings for you, Cassian. Feelings she probably doesn't understand or is used to. But she cares about you." Feyre handed him the box.
He just stared at it for a few minutes before taking the top of the box off. He wasn't sure how she did it. How she found a dagger that he had lost at least 30 years ago. It was his favorite one. It had been missing. How would she have even known about it? There was no way. Someone was playing a sick joke on him.
He quickly stood up and put the lid back on the box. He carried it in one arm. Feyre knew that there was a dagger in the box. She had seen it but she wasn't expecting him to look so… Mad?
"I'll be back." He said to no one. But someone must have heard him.
As soon as he got out the door, he took to the sky right towards the house of wind. She should have been done at the library by now.
He got there in record time, box still clutched in his arm, and flung the door open. He could smell her everywhere. She was standing in the kitchen when he came in. Her eyes were wide as she looked at him. She wasn't expecting anyone let alone him to show up here.
"Where did you find this?" He asked her, slamming the box down on the table. Someone was messing with him and he knew it. He knew it was just a ploy to get him up here to talk to her. He said he never wanted to see her again. Of course everyone was pushing him to talk to her.
"I didn't."
"Bullshit!" He roared.
"I found it on my bed when I got back from the library." She answered, setting down her mug of tea. Were her hands shaking?
"It's been missing for years and all of a sudden you have it?" She wasn't sure why he was so angry about it.
"I didn't suddenly have it. I didn't even know it existed." She confirmed. "I told the house I wanted to get you something and that showed up." Why did he never think to ask the house where it was?
"Well, I don't want it." That was a lie. It was his favorite one, he nearly tore this house apart looking for it. He thought it was gone forever.
"Okay." She looked at the box. She tried not to show the disappointment on her face. Now she knows how he felt last year when she didn't accept his gift. Neither of them said anything. He should probably say something. Apologize for how he acted.
"I'm sorry for screaming at you that night."
"It's okay." She answered. Even though they both knew it wasn't. "You were just reacting to how I was reacting." She shrugged. She didn't blame him for being angry with her. She wasn't sure why he was angry about the dagger but she understood why he was angry about her reacting to him kissing her. It was the best kiss she had ever had and she ruined it.
"You have a right to your feelings. And I didn't give you a second to process them. I apologize for screaming."
"I'm not good with my feelings." She finally admitted. Her mother raised her to not show emotions. That you bottle everything up inside and don't let anything show. Eventually everything would explode. Cassian just happened to be the person who pulled the trigger. "I never wanted to hurt you." She swallowed. "And fuck! I love you, you dumb stupid winged man!" He chuckled at her. It wasn't going to fix everything. They still had a lot to talk about. It was a start. They both knew that.
He stepped closer to her. She didn't move, barely even breathed as he rested his hand on her face, his thumb gently rubbing her cheek.
"I love you too." He whispered. He looked down to her lips then back up to her eyes. He didn't have to wait a second for her thoughts to catch up, she was already leaning into him, molding her lips to his. "I'm sorry you found out the way you did." She was confused.
"Found out what?"
"That we're mates. I screamed it at you."
"You were angry with me."
"I was more angry with myself." He answered, shaking his head. "I should have given you time to process. Instead I stormed off and didn't even let you get a word in to explain what you were thinking."
"I don't even know what I was thinking. Everything was happening so fast. All I knew was that I liked you and I would have loved to see where it went."
"Okay." He nodded. "Let's see where it goes." He answered.
"I still have concerns."
"Like what?"
"Like everyone thinking that you deserve better." This was what they were fighting about before. What made him scream at her.
"Why does it matter what they think?"
"Because you care about them. And I'm not going to make you pick between me and them."
"It'll always be you." He held her face in both of his hands. "Do you understand me? They're opinion of us does not matter." To her, their opinion would always matter. "What matters is if we are happy. And baby, I haven't been happy since I left."
"And what about a year from now? When you wake up and realize that there could be someone better out there." He shook his head. He knew there was going to need to be a lot of convincing. She was a difficult person to get through to. But he knew the second she let those walls drop and let him in, he could make her the happiest person on the planet.
"There is no one out there who is better for me. You are it, Nesta. You are always going to be it." He could see in her eyes that it wasn't going to be enough. There was a storm brewing behind those eyes. She never got to let out her anger. She never got to grow from it. She was shoved into this house with only one way out. It was building more and more. He knew it weeks ago. Then he screamed at her and everyone immediately went to his defense without getting her side of the story.
"It doesn't matter what you think of me."
"How does it not matter?"
"Because they hate me, Cassian." She whined spinning and strolling towards the library. "They would rather see you with anyone else."
"I honestly don't care who they see me with. I see myself with you. I see a future with you." Her heart melted at the words and she spun to look at him. He was already looking at her. "You have to believe me."
"I do." She answered. "I'm just…" She trailed off.
"I know. We will work through it together." He stepped closer to her. She didn't hesitate as she ran towards him, he caught her in just enough time. She breathed into his neck. "I got you."
"I trust you." He had never felt this before. This need to hold her and never let her go. He didn't care what his brother's thought of their relationship. They would deal with it and they would show Nesta the same respect that he shows their partners. He was never going to go down without a fight.