Chapter 11

Clarke had been in the Captain's quarters all morning and she had nothing to show for it. She'd tried to contact the Palla but had been unsuccessful. She hoped that it just meant she was out of range, but Raven had boosted their signal as soon as they confirmed the channel. She couldn't think of any other reason that Palla hadn't contacted her. It had been days and she needed to know that everything was okay down there for them to come.

She leaned back in the chair and stared out at the stars. This had been her life for seventeen plus years. Always staring out into the abyss and never knowing if there was more to life out there. And, then she'd been sent down on the pod. She'd found out quickly that life meant death and survival meant pain. She was used to it, but staring down at that planet, she hoped for something better. Something that she could be proud of letting Madi be the Commander of and not have to worry about her daughter's death. That is all she wanted.

Madi came into the room and watched her mother. She could see the distress on Clarke's face. She waited to say something, but she knew that she needed to announce herself because she didn't want to scare her mother. Sneaking up on Clarke had been a game in Eden, up here on the ship, it was just a prank that didn't always go over well.

"Clarke?"

"Madi?" Clarke replied as she turned around.

"Any word?"

"No."

"Don't worry. I am sure that she is just working," Madi told her, still hiding the fact that she'd been talking to Palla. "She did say that she was working on preparing a place for us to stay."

"I know that, but it has been a few days. We are supposed to be landing soon. I need to talk to everyone awake and brief them," Clarke lamented and shook her head. "I hate council meetings."

"Who said anything about a council meeting?" Octavia asked as she walked by the open quarters.

"We need to have one about the landing. Can you get everyone together, O? We need to set up some priorities and make a plan about what we are going to do once we start actually settling. I need to talk to everyone," Clarke stated.

"I'll get them, Wanheda," Octavia replied and continued on her way.

Madi watched her mother as she moved back to the seat at the desk. She watched as she pulled up the video comm again on the screen before her. Madi moved around the room and closer to Clarke. She could still see the worry on her face. She wanted to comfort her mother, but she understood why she was being so cautious about everything.

"So, Bellamy and Echo, Octavia and Indra, they are going to be worried about our protection and setting up a guard for our people. That is an easy thing to understand. What are we going to do with Raven or Abby? Have you talked to Palla about them? I get why we are taking them, Clarke, I do, but what are they going to be doing while we are there?"

"I want my engineer and my medical officer with me. I don't know what Palla might have for them, but I know that Raven wants to get her hands on their tech to see what she can play with. Who knows what Raven might come up with given the right materials and time? I want Mom there for multiple reasons. I value her opinion on things. She's also my mother. Plus, she might need to meet with that medical corps and healers. We don't know what problems we might run in while we're down there. I want her to be able to see what we might be up against. I know she'll want to be able to have medical supplies ready. She'll want to see what they have to help us be better prepared during the winter. I want us to be prepared, Madi. I don't want what happened in Eden to happen again. I don't want happened to us on the drop ship to happen this time around," Clarke explained.

"It won't, Clarke," Madi assured her.

"We don't know that," Clarke countered.

"No, we really don't. We just have to hope that it is. We can't go into it thinking that the worst is going to happen."

"I am not sure that I have that luxury anymore," Clarke replied truthfully.

"I know that you are jaded, Clarke. I get it. But, we have to move passed it. We can't dwell on what happened on Earth. I know that it will cloud our minds and it will definitely color our decisions here at Terre Nova, but we need to go into this optimistically," Madi told her.

"I get that, Madi, but I don't want us to be naive either."

"I never said anything about being naive, Clarke. I have all the Commanders in my head yelling their opinions on what they think that we should do. And trust me, they range from taking over the planet to just settling down on our own somewhere away from Palla and her people. But, then there is always Lexa trying to help me the most and I know it is because you are with me," Madi stated.

"What does she say?" Clarke asked with her voice wavering in emotion.

"That we have to try."

"That's it?"

"Yeah, that's it. She wants us to try. She wanted peace, Clarke. You know that. That is why she started the coalition. She wants the survival of our people, Clarke, but she also wants you safe. She wants you to be everything that you can be. She knows that you are great leader and you will do what you need to do for us. She still loves you, Clarke. She still believes that life should be more than surviving. She wants that for you," Madi told her.

"Does she show you everything?" Clarke asked suddenly.

"Not everything, Clarke. She does keep part of you secret for me and I understand that. That was private and it will remain so. It is not needed for me to be Heda. It is not needed for me to command the troops and lead our people. Your relationship stays between you both. But, I can tell you that she still loves you and I can feel that."

"Does it effect you?" Clarke questioned.

"No more than I already love you because you are my mother," Madi answered.

"You know that I want you to be safe. I don't want you to have to deal with the things that we did after we landed with the drop ship. I want to make sure that we keep us alive and if I have to be cynical, I will. I have to protect you."

"I know you think that you do, Clarke. But, I am the Heda. I can take care of myself. I taught you a lot in those six years alone. We will be okay," Madi stated.

"I am still your mother," Clarke replied.

"And, Abby is yours," Madi reminded her.

Clarke couldn't help but nod at Madi's statment. She'd said similar things to her own mother on the ground. And, now, she was going to have to step back at let Madi actually lead.

"I can't let you die, Madi."

"I'm not asking you to, Clarke. I'm asking you to trust me. I'm asking you to trust in me and the fact that I am the heda."

"I do trust you, Madi. It's everyone else I don't trust. We don't know what we are walking into. We don't know what will actually happen when we get down there, Madi, and that scares me. I can't let anything happen to you," Clarke told her.

"I trust Pella."

"Why?"

"I can't explain it, really. I just do. It's like I know her on some level. She's familiar somehow."

"I know," Clarke stated.

"You've noticed too?"

"It's like a memory, but something's wrong"

"Like?" Madi asked.

"She should be someone else..."

Madi smiled. She knew exactly what Clarke was thinking, but she couldn't place anyone that they would both be able to identify. There were only so many people that overlapped their lives and they both had contact with.

"Talk to her, Clarke. I'm sure that you'll find something in common. She's their leader. I'm ours, but you are there with me. You don't trust her completely yet, so talk to her. Get to know her better. We bed a report with her, so make one. You're good at that."

"How would you know?" Clarke teased her a little.

"It worked with Lexa," Madi replied as she got up and left the room, hoping that Clarke would take the bait and talk to Palla.

Clarke sat there and stared at the door. She knew that Madi was right. She needed to talk to Palla more. She needed to know more about what was going to happen when they landed. It wasn't that she was afraid, but she was cautious.

She reached over and hit the comm, hoping that this time Palla would be there to answer. She heard the ping and then she heard a voice in the distance answer. She looked at the screen and couldn't see anything.

"Palla?" she questioned.

"Yes, sorry. I am not at the station. I've kinda rerouted it a bit. You'll get no video today. Sorry, Clarke."

"Oh, well, that's okay."

"Did you need something?"

Well that was a loaded question if Clarke ever heard one. She wanted to look into her dark eyes and try to read her. She knew that Madi had, but she also knew that Madi had the former commanders inside her head to help her. Lexa had been so adept about reading people. When she knew, she knew. Clarke always wanted to believe in the best in people. No one had ever struck her the wrong way except for Quint, but that was a moot point. He was just angry and feral and...

"Clarke?" Palla asked again.

"Yeah, sorry, I was thinking."

"About?"

"Life."

"It has funny way of making you do that when things change so dramatically, doesn't it?"

"It does."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Clarke answered unsure if she was really going to like where this was going.

"The captain of our ship was Jacob Griffin. Was he related to you? Do you know?"

"My father's name was Jake. I think he was named after an uncle or something, but I don't know anything more. Why? Did you know Jacob?"

"No, I never knew him. He never made it here. He died and the Fio took over. It has been a Fio in charge ever since. And, we all have the same blood, but we aren't related. Mutations and knowledge define us more than anything else."

"Mutations?" Clarke questioned.

"Dr. Becca Prama developed something for Eligius Corp. We've never been able to isolate it, but I don't think that she was finished with her serum. It turns the blood black. We know that whatever it was it helped us deal with the extra solar radiation due to having two suns. Now those with the black blood are descended directly from the Primas. I didn't know my parents well, but they were from the Primas. We all were, I guess, but the main Primas were from Eligius Corp. They got more treatments. Over time, the black bloods disappeared."

"Black bloods?" Clarke gasped.

"Yeah, we usually all end up in the Keepers. Balt is the Keeper, but he doesn't have the blood. I do. He was very disappointed when I refused the position, but he understood," Palla told her.

"Understood? What was there for him to understand? What happened?"

"The war..."

"Care to tell me more?"

"Let's just say that I lost some one very dear to me. I kinda lost my head after that and not in a good way. If it wasn't for a very good friend and Balt's patience, I am pretty sure that they would have eventually put me down. As it was, they didn't. I came around and I found my way back. Since then, I was made Palla as I was already Fio per Balt's instructions. Everything I do now if for my people and to protect them. I know what it is like to wonder, Clarke. I've been there. Balt thankfully realized that I was never going to take the mantle of the Keeper, but that didn't and doesn't keep him from asking."

"Why don't you want to be the Keeper?' Clarke asked her.

"I loved my wife too much to do that to her. I learned to trust my heart more than my head and for once since my parents' deaths and my upbringing, I listened to it. I couldn't walk away from Tamma. Hell, I still can't."

Clarke sucked in a breath. She knew what Palla meant, even now she still mourned Lexa. It was hard to move on when everything was so right, even when it was wrong, with Lexa. And, now with Madi with the flame...she had Lexa back in a way, but never in the way that they were before.

"I believe that Tamma is trying to help us both and I don't know why."

"Why do you say that?"

"Do you believe in reincarnation, Clarke?" Palla asked her.