Chapter 15

Nesta waited. Every day for the past month she has waited for Elain. She wasn't sure if there was any hope left in her body. But still, everyday from the second she woke up until she was nearly falling over from exhaustion, she sat outside waiting.

Tamlin was worried. Had even sent word to Rhysand to somehow get Elain here. Even if it was just for a visit. He never heard back. Tamlin had never seen someone act like that. He often joined her outside but they never talked. Not anymore. He was starting to fear the worst. He brought all of her meals out here, covered her with blankets when the sun went down, brought tea when he thought she needed it.

Nesta couldn't help herself. She needed to sit outside and wait for Elain.

"Nesta, I don't think she's coming." Tamlin softly said. Nesta knew he was right. It broke something inside her. She wanted to cry. Wanted to scream and cry and throw things and burn the world to the ground until there was nothing left.

She didn't say anything to Tamlin as he sat beside her. He could see the slight quiver of her lips as she tried to keep her emotions in check. She breathed in deep through her nose and out through her mouth, sniffling. She stared straight ahead.

"They didn't take me with them." She whispered. He hadn't realized that was the reason she was upset. "They only came for her." Silent tears flowed down her cheeks. Nesta had realized a month ago that no one ever chose her. She was never anyone's priority. Every night she went to bed thinking of her sisters and Cassian and they never thought of her. She never gave anyone any reason to pick her first but realizing it hurt so much.

Tamlin knew that there was nothing he could say or do that would help. He knew that she didn't want to be here but Nesta had felt abandoned by the only family she ever knew.

Her sobs had her body shaking. She was trying her hardest to calm down. Tamlin pulled her against him. He wrapped his arms around her. He was never good at comforting someone but he knew that she was breaking and if he didn't hold her together, it would cause chaos.

Apparently, they were to pretend. Everyone was to pretend that Nesta didn't exist. Rhys was doing a great job at it. If it wasn't for Elain and Feyre screaming at each other every time they saw each other.

Rhys was losing control of his court. Cassian and Ariel were both sitting in front of him as they listened to Feyre and Elain fighting down the hall.

"Maybe we should just go get Nesta." Azriel commented. "Elain isn't going to stop. If you want peace during the rest of Feyre's pregnancy, you need to let Nesta back."

"And what does that show everyone? That I cave easily and just let the banned back in."

"She's part of Feyre's family. It's not just letting her back. If you don't want her living here, fine but at least get her back here. Get her an apartment." Azriel wasn't sure that he could continue listening to the fighting. Rhys sighed, running his hands over his face.

"Fine. Go get her." Cassian stood first. If anyone was going to convince her to come back, it would be him. They were long overdue for a conversation.

Tamlin was so concerned about Nesta he was making her sleep in his bed. He didn't know what she would do if she was alone. So someone was always with her. He basically was paying his staff to watch her because he didn't trust her to not hurt herself.

The knock on the front door startled them both. Her eyes widened as she rushed to the door. He was quick behind her. Anytime anyone ever knocked, she got the door first hoping it was Elain. She was disappointed every time.

She flung the door open as wide as she could, it hit the wall making Tamlin sigh. Cassian and Azriel both stood in the doorway. Her eyes widened as she backed up into Tamlin's chest.

"Can we help you?" Tamlin asked, sliding his hand down Nesta's arm to comfort her. Cassian watched his hand travel down her arm and rested on her wrist. He moved his eyes back up to Tamlin.

"We've come to collect." Tamlin kept his emotions in check. If he freaked out, Nesta would freak out.

"Collect what? I don't owe you anything."

"Nesta."

"She's not going anywhere with you." Cassian and Azriel stepped into the house and shut the door behind them.

"It wasn't up for discussion." She glared at Cassian.

"Like you give a single shit about me." He hadn't given her any reason to believe that he cared about her. Hell she's been for two months and he never even tried to bring her back.

"Elain wants you home."

"That sucks. I'm not leaving."

"You're leaving. If I have to drag you out by your hair then I will." Like she wouldn't put up a fight.

"You all left me here. None of you care about me! You came and got Elain and you fucking left me here!" She cried, grabbing onto Tamlin's arm. "You can fuck off."

"I plan to. The second you are back at the Night Court." She did not know this man standing in front of her. This was not the Cassian she has always known. This man had changed.

"You're different." She said, moving to stand behind Tamlin's arm. "I'm not leaving with you." Tears flowed from her eyes. "I'm happy here." She answered. Tamlin would beg to differ. He wanted to protect her but didn't want there to be a fight. She was comfortable here. She wasn't happy.

"Rhys has rented out an apartment for you in the city. You're coming home."

"I am home." She was not leaving with them without a fight.

"Nesta." Tamlin breathed looking down at her. She looked up at him, her breathing picking up. She saw it in his eyes. That he was about to hand her over. The small nod of his head made her sob. He pulled her into him, kissed her forehead, and shoved her into Azriel's arms who teleported them back to the River House.

The second they appeared in the house, right in front of Rhy, a cold mask fell across her face.

"Watch your back, High Lord." She said, no emotion in her voice. "I've just become your worst nightmare." Her eyes blazed with silver flames.

"I'm sure you have." He answered, stepping to the side. "Someone's been waiting for you." Elain rushed her sister. Flinging herself into her arms.

"Nes." Elain cried. Nesta held her sister. If nothing else, she was going to be civil for Elain.

"Dinner is on the table. Let's go eat and we will talk about the arrangements." Rhys motioned for both sisters to follow behind him. Elain held Nesta's hand, almost afraid that she would disappear if she didn't. Cassian walked in behind them and sat down. Feyre was already sitting with Mor and Amren. She stood as her sister's entered. Nesta's eyes automatically fell to the bump.

"Please sit, can I get you anything?" Feyre asked.

"No. Thanks." Nesta sat across from Feyre and next to Elain. Cassian sat as far away from her as he possibly could. Nesta had some many questions but had no idea where to start.

"I have rented an apartment in the city for you. We will pay for it." All of a sudden it was fine for her to spend their money.

"Okay." Nesta answered.

"Cassian will be staying there with you." That got his attention.

"Over my dead fucking body!" He shouted.

"Your dead body can be arranged." Nesta answered, filling up her wine glass.

"She just threatened me!" Cassian shouted.

"Hm. My bet is on her." Mor commented from across the table.

"You're going to work through your bullshit." Feyre answered. "No more of this brooding shit from either of you."

"Wonderful. Thanks. You guys are so supportive." He rolled his eyes. Neither of them was going to survive this.

The apartment wouldn't be ready for another two weeks so everyone was in lockdown at the River House. And by everyone, I mean Nesta and Elain. They were both deemed "flighty". Whatever that meant. The only time Rhysand let Nesta out of the house was when they went furniture shopping for the apartment. Nesta saw it. It was huge. The counters were all white, the woodwork was all gray. It was beautiful. Floor to ceiling windows that looked out over the city.

It was much better than the place she was living.

Rhys said she could spend as much money as she wanted. Cassian agreed to fill the living room with books.

Everything was being delivered and built within the next two weeks. Nesta still hadn't talked about what happened. She never was able to get Feyre alone. Between the new apartment and baby appointments and shopping. There was no time.

She missed Tamlin. They wrote back and forth a few times but it wasn't the same.

Azriel watched her. Watched her every second that he was around.

"Does Cassian hate me?" She asked, standing in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea.

"I don't think so." He answered.

"I just hurt him."

"I think he hurt himself." He didn't know what exactly happened for Cassian to break the bond. "Did you tell him to break the bond?" He asked.

"No." She answered. "I know I have a funny way of showing it, but I really do love him." Nesta wanted to be with him. Even when he didn't want to be. Even though she knew that Rhys and Mor would never accept them as a couple. She loved him and wanted to be with him.

"Have you talked to him?" He asked.

"I don't really know how to. How do I bring that up?" She sighed. "Just a hey! I still love you! And then run off?"

"It's never too late to apologize. But he should apologize to you too." She knew that she needed to talk to him. But he was avoiding her. Any time she entered the room, he left. He never went shopping with her to find things for their new home. Rhys told her that she could pick out anything she wanted. She just assumed that Cassian didn't care. It was going to be hard living with a man who hated everything about her.

She was proven right the first three weeks of living with Cassian. He never spoke a word to her. She tried. Tried to ask him to talk. Tried to ask if he wanted what she was cooking. He made sure to steer clear of her cooking. Not that he thought that it would be bad but he wanted no part of being her mate and wasn't sure if it would magically come back if he accepted food from her.

Feyre came over every few days to check on them but Cassian was usually never there. He only came home at night. Sometimes not at all.

"Have you talked to him?" Feyre asked, dropping onto the couch with a blanket.

"No. He avoids me." Nesta commented, making them both a cup of tea. "Sometimes he doesn't even stay here." She confirmed. Feyre knew that. He was usually at their house when he wasn't here. "Is it possible for the bond to come back?"

"I mean mine did with Rhys. But it was destroyed with magic. I'm assuming that if he wants to be mates he'll make it happen." Nesta nodded at the words. She knew it was never going to happen. "He won't be angry forever."

"Yes he will. Just to spite me he will." They were both silent. "You didn't come for me." Nesta whispered. She did not want to upset her sister but they needed to talk about it. "I was there for two months and you only came to save Elain." She added.

"Elain needed saving."

But Nesta didn't. Or maybe she didn't deserve it. She knew she didn't deserve any of the things she had. The only reason Rhys let her back here was because Elain was causing chaos every waking hour of the day.

Nesta stayed quiet. She had so many things flying through her head.

Feyre took her silence as understanding but Nesta didn't understand. She never would. Why would her sister not save her? It would never make sense to Nesta.

"He's kicking." Feyre commented. Nesta's hand shot out to touch her sister's stomach. The only time she had ever felt a baby kick was when their mother was pregnant with Feyre.

"You're like really pregnant." Feyre laughed.

"Yeah." She nodded. "You know it's a boy right?"

"Yeah. It was in the letter." Nesta was still hurt about it. But she was never going to mention it. She had gotten a few gifts for them, they were wrapped neatly in her room waiting for him to be born.

"How was your time with Tamlin?" Feyre never asked. She was afraid of the answer.

"Good. Read a lot of books. We went on a lot of walks. Probably drank too much but we had fun." Feyre nodded, watching her sister pushing on her stomach to get the babe to move.

"Well at least you weren't miserable." Nesta wasn't but it still hurt that they just left her there. But it didn't matter. It was never going to matter.

She had no idea how to get over it. Everyone just…pushed it under the rug like it didn't matter. She wanted to scream from the rooftops that she wasn't okay. But it wouldn't matter. As long as her sister's were happy, she would keep her mouth shut.

Sometimes the silence was all consuming. It was eating her from the inside out. It would always be there. The only place that wasn't quiet was her head. Words screaming to be let out. To tell them that she couldn't function the way she was.

It was never going to matter.