Chapter 8 - Be Prepared
Harry, Uma, Dante and Quinn sat around a table outside Tiana's Place. It was a gloomy Sunday morning, so no one else was there, giving them freedom to say whatever they wanted without being overheard.
"Alright, how do we get rid of Audrey?" Uma asked, her spell book open on the table. She normally wouldn't ask anyone for help making a plan, but getting Ursula's necklace would be a last resort, and she was out of ideas.
"Hear me out," Harry said, finishing off his beignets. He wasn't wearing his hook, though he still had it in his jacket pocket. "What if we just kill her?"
"No. No murder." Uma said, giving Harry a look of disappointment. Sure, the four of them were villains bent on world domination, but murder was going a step too far. It was one of the strange virtues they were taught on the Isle. "Anyone else have any ideas?"
Quinn and Dante raised their hands, looking nervous. "Ideas that don't involve murder." Quinn put her hand down. "Or arson." Dante put his hand down as well.
Uma face-palmed, muttering a curse in Atlantean. "I'm surrounded by idiots."
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"So what are we doing here again?" Quinn asked, sipping her tea. She and Ben were sitting together at a small table in a cute Auradonian cafe, The Cheshire Cat. It was owned by the Mad Hatter and his family, and Quinn was enjoying this little piece of Wonderland, although she had never been there.
The building itself was painted in garish pastel colors, and was completely circular, without any edges at all. The front door was shaped like a top hat, and opened outwards by pushing instead of pulling. How any of that was possible was beyond anyone but the Hatter himself.
"I wanted to try and get to know the four of you, you and the other VKs." Ben explained, setting aside his crumpets. "How are you liking Auradon so far? Are you making any new friends?"
Quinn thought about Amyra for a second, blushing slightly. "I guess so..." She took a bite of her lunch and mulled it over. "Auradon is a lot nicer than the Isle. Cleaner, too, and the food's fresher. Something's kind of-" The villain princess' sentence was cut short when something jumped onto her lap. It was a kitten! A tiny Persian with fluffy white fur that was dirtied slightly, clearly in need of a good brushing.
"Get it off! Get it off!" She squeaked, throwing her hands up and shaking nervously. "It's gonna infect me with rabies or the plague or something!"
Ben stared for a moment, before scooping up the kitten in his arms. It mewed and rolled around, trying to get comfortable. "It's just a cat, what's the problem? Are you allergic?" He scratched its head, smiling. Ben loved animals, he had a pet horse named Bernard, and his parents had taken him to at least a dozen shelter openings. He wondered if that sort of thing was genetic; he had almost chosen to invite Cruella de Vil's son.
"Animals are filthy, disease ridden things! All they know how to do is kill and eat!" Quinn objected, hiding behind her chair. It would've been funny if she wasn't being so serious, seeing as the chair was completely see through and offered no protection at all. "They're only good for food and decoration."
"Who told you that?"
"My mother! The Queen of Hearts." She explained. "She's an animal yellerer, an expert. Why are you holding onto that thing? It's going to attack!"
"It's just a kitten. It can't hurt anything bigger than a mouse." Ben chuckled, seeing how horribly misinformed Quinn was. "The cafe attracts a lot of stray cats, the owners put out food and water for them. I think Ally could probably tell you about this one if she was here, she's Alice's daughter." He paused for a moment. "You've never actually met a cat, have you?"
Quinn was silent. "No." There weren't a lot of animals on the Isle of the Lost, and most of them weren't the friendly kind. "Does Scar count?"
Ben set the white kitten on the ground, and it wandered over to Quinn, nuzzling her leg. The princess froze up at first, but soon began to relax. She cautiously reached out a hand and began to stroke the cat's head, slowly. "She's not vicious at all..."
"There you go! You two are getting along nicely." Ben smiled, writing a check to pay for the meal, which neither of them had finished. "Why don't you take her back with you? There's a pet store down the block you can get supplies from. All she needs is a name."
"I think I'll call you... Sweetheart!" Quinn picked up the kitten and held it in her arms, while it purred happily. "Thanks, Ben. That was... nice of you." It felt weird to say those words. "Thank you".
"That's what friends do."
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With Harry practicing Tourney and Quinn studying up on pet care, Dante and Uma found themselves alone together for the first time... ever, probably.
"So... do you like music?" Dante asked, nervously playing with the patches on his leather jacket. He had a bunch of them that he made himself, which said things like "Volunteer Fire-starter", "Menace to Society", and "Explicit Lyrics". The last one was a reference to his band, Parental Advisory, which consisted of himself, Claudine Frollo, and Diego de Vil. He missed them sometimes, but didn't bring it up around the other VKs.
"I'm really not a heavy metal person." Uma confessed, tapping her fingers on the banister. The two of them were standing on a bridge overlooking the royal garden, not sure what to do with themselves. "Or whatever it is that you play." Uma had never actually listened to Dante's music, she always found him annoying back on the Isle. "I like sea shanties, I guess? That's most of what I listen to. The pirates are pretty loud, it's hard not to listen to them."
"Uh, first of all, my band is punk rock. Heavy metal is completely different." Dante corrected her, offended. "And second, sea shanties are stupid. And so are pirates." The two demigods began to butt heads, staring into each other's eyes murderously. Somewhere in the background, a rosebush burst into flames, causing Pin, Pinocchio's child, to scream in terror and run away.
Uma completely forgot about wanting to kill Dante and started to laugh. "Okay, that was funny! Does that happen every time you get angry?" She asked, poking at the flames that made up Dante's hair. It didn't burn her fingers, much to her surprise, but still felt warm.
"Yeah, I guess so? Angry, sad, and sometimes horny..." Dante counted on his fingers. "Hey, you know what was always fun on the Isle? Spreading chaos." He gave Uma a wicked smile, the kind that really made him resemble Hades. Uma extended her hand in friendship... sort of.
"Let's go see how much chaos these Auradon kids can handle."
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Harry, meanwhile, was being introduced to the rest of the Tourney team. There were nine other members, three of which he had already met: Ben, Tyrone and Chad. Then there was Bobby Hood (Robin Hood's son, who was a transfer student from Sherwood Prep), Artie (King Arthur's son), Whitley (son of Snow White), Gordon (son of Grumpy), and Miguel, who didn't have a famous relative.
"Now, let's all try and get along. We've got a big game coming up, and if you all start fighting, the other team'll win for sure." Coach said. He didn't care much for politics, and had no famous relatives, so he had no problem adding a VK to the team. "Harry, why don't you and the other boys hit the showers? I need to work on the game plan."
The ten young men headed to the locker room, chatting and laughing together. Ben stuck close to Harry, wanting to make him feel welcome. "Thank goodness you turned out to be a jock, we needed a new member!" The prince cheered, trying to start up a conversation. "Li'l Shang graduated last year, and no one's tried out for the team since."
"Those are big shoes to fill." Chad added, fixing his hair while staring into a mirror he hung up in his locker. "Shang won, like, all our games. Ben's the star player now, but still." Either he didn't realize how much pressure he was putting on Harry, or he didn't care. It was hard to tell with Chad, he rarely made eye contact while speaking to people.
"Why do we even need shoes?" Bobby interrupted, his bushy tail wrapped around his waist. Being a talking animal, he didn't really see the need for clothing. "Why do humans have to hide every part of their bodies?"
"We are not explaining that to you again, you nudist." Whitley tossed a pair of shorts in Bobby's face, wishing his friend would behave. "Anyways, Harry, I heard you and that Jane girl are a thing. I didn't think she'd be your type."
No one's my type, Harry thought to himself. He put on the necklace he had made out of his hook, and paused for a moment. "She's nice" was all he said. Then he remembered Uma's plan. "Since we're on the subject of girls, how are you and Audrey doing?"
Ben tensed up, not wanting to be the center of attention. "Um... we're fine. Couldn't be finer." He pulled his shirt over his head so he would have an excuse to stop talking. But Harry wasn't stupid. He didn't know much about relationships, but he knew a lot about lying.
"Sure... fine."
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Dante and Uma had broken their personal records for mischief. They managed to fill Fairy Godmother's car with liquid soap, hide frogs inside a dozen different lockers, and glue a fake beard made of feathers to Doug when he fell asleep in the library. They were on a roll!
"I haven't had this much fun since we got here!" Dante laughed, restringing his guitar. Aziz had taken him to get it repaired, even offering to buy a new one if Dante's ever broke. It was black and had blue flames painted on it, and showed lots of wear and tear. It really did look like garbage, but it was special to him.
"It made me forget all about taking over the world." Uma sighed, leaning back into her chair. She ran her fingers through her hair, undoing her braids. It felt good to unwind once in a while. She'd never gotten to do that back on the Isle.
"Hate to interrupt the party, but I've got big news." Harry kicked open the door, dragging Quinn behind him. She was furiously brushing her hair to try and rid it of cat fur, not wanting to look messy in front of other people. "Ben's going to dump Audrey."
"He's what?" Quinn dropped her brush in surprise, leaving her hair half-done. "But they're, like, engaged! I read it in a magazine!"
"I asked him how they were doing and he said 'fine'. Nobody uses 'fine' as a compliment." Harry stated. The other three nodded in agreement. "Quinn, how do you dump someone when you don't want to make a scene out of it?"
"I write a letter..." She paused, picking up her hairbrush and gasping excitedly. "I bet he's got a Dear John letter in his room! If you guys distract him long enough, I can break in and slip it to Audrey!"
Dante groaned, wishing his not-friends would give up on this. "If this fails, I'm never going to stop making fun of you for it."
"I'd expect nothing less." Harry chuckled.
Five minutes later...
Quinn and Harry found Ben's room pretty quickly. The cleaning crew was very easily manipulated, and gave the information freely.
"Do ya have a bobby pin?" Harry asked, kneeling in front of the door. The other two VKs hadn't come with, to make things less suspicious. "I can pick the lock, but if I use my hook, it'll mess it up permanently."
Quinn silently handed him one, looking around nervously. She was ready to abandon Harry at a moment's notice, the two of them hadn't exactly bonded yet... "You know, I've always wanted to ask, why are you Scottish?"
"What's that supposed ta mean?" The handsome pirate grumbled, fidgeting with the heavy lock on Ben's dorm room door. Why the prince was staying in a dorm was beyond him, you'd think he would sleep somewhere more secure...
"Your dad is from England, and CJ doesn't even have an accent... Why are you Scottish, of all things?" Quinn was only vaguely familiar with the Hook family. CJ and her shopped at a few of the same stores, but they weren't exactly friends. And Harriet scared her.
"Shut yer big mouth, ye fuckin' bampot, before ya get us caught an deported." Harry cursed, deliberately making his accent thicker. To tell the truth, his mother was Scottish, and Harry was simply the only one of his siblings who spent more time with her than their dad, so he picked up the accent. "Finally!"
The door opened, and Quinn rushed in. She rifled through Ben's drawers, tossing aside his homework, political papers, and several photos of him posed with celebrities. She managed to find a diary, and as much as she wanted to read it, she knew there wasn't enough time to search for something juicy. "Okay Quinnie, try to think like Ben... I'm a dumb nice guy who thinks everyone is secretly good and has terrible taste in women."
Quinn picked up Ben's trashcan and dumped the contents onto the floor. Candy wrappers, napkins, a few buttons... and a crumpled up letter. "Fudge yeah!"
"Did you just say fudge?" Harry asked. But Quinn shoved him aside and raced back to Uma's room, squealing excitedly.
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Audrey opened her locker, preparing for cheerleading practice. It was just another day at Auradon Prep for her. Squirrels helped her do her hair, birds sang along with her in the shower, and she was looking forward to a date with her wonderful boyfriend and possible fiance, Prince Ben.
"Hey Auds, it looks like someone left you a letter!" Ruby, Rapunzel's daughter, giggled. The Tiaras, Auradon Prep's cheerleading team, loved to gossip, especially about relationships. Things had gotten a lot more exciting now that the VKs were around, and someone was actually causing problems. "Is it another love note from Ben? It's been forever since he wrote you one of those!"
Audrey, seeing nothing wrong with this, decided to read it out loud. "Dear Audrey, we've been together for longer than I can remember, and our relationship is very important to us, but I think we should go our separate ways?!" She crumpled up the paper in her hands, shaking with a mixture of shock and sadness.
Two Tiaras, Tanya (Tiana's daughter) and Alana (Ariana's cousin) rushed over to Audrey's side to comfort her. "Ben broke up with me!" She started to tear up, slumping down on the bench. "Through a letter!"
Ariana, feeling suspicious, immediately whipped out her phone and opened up MyPage (Auradon's top social media website) and took a picture of Audrey holding the letter, uploading it. "Can you believe this?" She wrote, and said out loud.
Somewhere, on the other side of the school, five people simultaneously felt a pang of guilt, and didn't know why.
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A/N: Thanks for being so patient! This chapter's kind of messy, but I promise the next one will be more fun!
Here's a fun fact to leave you with- Quinn doesn't actually know any swear words! She thinks "off with your head" is all you need.