Chapter 16
Nesta had felt pain in her life. Had fought in a war and saved her mate. Had her heart broken over and over again but nothing would ever prepare her for watching Cassian bring home some random female and going to his bedroom. She knew he did it on purpose to hurt her. To cause her the same amount of pain that she caused him. But it was tearing her from the inside out.
She could only stand listening to the sounds of pleasure for five minutes before grabbing her coat. She was usually watched everywhere she went. Rhys and Feyre made sure that she wasn't doing anything she shouldn't do by always having someone watching her.
Instead of going to a bar, she headed straight to Feyre's. She kept her head down as she walked. She didn't want anyone to see the tears streaming down her face. She knocked as soon as she got there. The door swung open and Rhys greeted her.
"What do you want?"
"Is Feyre here?" He heard the softness of her voice. Saw the tears streaming down her face.
"She's sleeping." He stepped to the side to let Nesta into the house. "What happened?" He asked, closing the door behind them.
"Cassian brought a female home." She answered.
"Good for him." She knew she wouldn't get any sympathy from Rhysand. She wasn't even sure why she came here. Maybe she just wanted to prove that she was getting better and didn't need alcohol to help when she was hurting.
"Can I just stay here tonight?" She asked, bouncing from foot to foot. There was nothing she could do if Rhys told her no.
"I guess." He shrugged. "The bed is made in your room." He commented, heading towards the stairs.
"Thanks." She followed behind him. He headed to his shared room with Feyre and she went into her room. It was still just a bed. Nothing hung up on the wall. She kicked off her shoes and climbed into the bed.
She didn't think that Cassian would wait forever. She just never thought that he would flaunt it right in front of her. She laid on her side, the pillow already wet from her tears.
She didn't look when the door opened. Just saw Feyre's big belly as she lowered herself onto the bed and laid facing her sister.
"Oh, Nesta." Feyre whispered, watching the heartbroken look on her sister's face. Nesta sobbed as Feyre pulled her closer. "It's okay."
"I'm sorry." Nesta sobbed. "I'm so sorry." Feyre knew what she was apologizing for. Knew that Nesta needed her to know that she forgave her. Nesta would never let herself heal if she thought that Feyre was still mad at her.
"I forgive you, Nesta." But still, Nesta knew that they would still take Cassian's side. Feyre laid with Nesta, comforting her in the way she needed. Neither of them slept. Neither of them said a word to each other.
It wasn't until the sun started to come up that Nesta finally relaxed and fell asleep. Feyre fell asleep right after.
Even though Nesta had hurt her sister, done unspeakable things, Feyre forgave her. It made her feel loved for the first time in a long time.
Feyre and Nesta slept through breakfast. Rhys had checked on them when he woke up. He gently kissed Feyre's head before leaving the room.
Cassian strolled in the front door right before breakfast was served.
"Nesta isn't at the apartment." He commented.
"I know." Rhys answered, scooping some eggs onto his plate.
"How big was the bill?" Cassian asked, sitting down across from him.
"She came here last night. Her and Feyre are still sleeping." Rhys looked at Cassian. "I understand that you no longer have feelings for her, but can you try to not do those things? At least not when she's there? Finally things have calmed down and I don't need any chaos."
"Was just trying to show her that she means nothing." Rhys was afraid of that.
"She understands." Loud and clear she understood.
"We're on the hating Nesta train again?" Mor asked, sitting down next to Cassian.
"Welcome aboard." Cassian held his cup up in the air before taking a sip from it. Elain scoffed as she sat down.
"So my sister can't sleep with different males or she gets called a whore. But you can sleep with whoever you want and everyone cheers?" Rhys did not need this today.
"Don't you dare respond, Cassian." Elain was not going to go quietly. She had proved that time and time again. She was going to defend Nesta until she died.
"We are not doing this anymore. Both Cassian and Nesta can sleep with whoever they want to without being judged." And that was that.
Feyre let Nesta use her bathroom and gave her some clothes so that she didn't need to walk across the city in her dirty clothes from yesterday. Feyre was worried. She did not want to send Nesta back to live there with Cassian. She did not want her sister to smell any other females in her home. But she knew that Rhys would never let Nesta stay full time. The only reason he let her back into Velaris was because Feyre agreed that Nesta wouldn't live with them if they dragged her back.
"Maybe we should think about allowing her to stay here." Feyre commented to Rhys over dinner.
"No."
"Rhys-"
"It's final." He answered.
"Okay."
Nesta didn't go right back to the apartment. She stopped to get her nails done and then went to get some fruit from the market right next door. She was silent the entire time she shopped, not making eye contact, not asking anyone for any help. She wanted the silence to consume her.
Honestly? She was just afraid to go back to the apartment. She didn't want to see Cassian. She wasn't sure if he was there but she didn't want to smell the activities that occurred last night. It might just send her over the edge.
She handed over the money for the fruit before heading home. She took one deep breath before unlocking the door and heading inside.
Thankfully, Cassian had left a candle burning. Or maybe Feyre had someone come over to light one. However, it just smelled like lavender. She was thankful. She cut up some of the fruit but put the rest away. She grabbed her bowl of fruit and headed to the living room. She grabbed her book off the side table next to the couch.
She wasn't sure if Cassian was here. She didn't really care. It wasn't like he was going to talk to her. She liked the silence. Even though her thoughts tried to drown her. The silence was nice.
One day she would get out of Velaris. She would travel, see what the world had to offer. Maybe she would take Tamlin with her. She hoped he was doing good. Cause she sure as hell wasn't.
Feyre was forcing her to come to dinner. She said that she was finally feeling good enough to have everyone over. Nesta didn't want to go. She did not want to be surrounded by them all. Vulnerable to their words. She knew they didn't like her. There was nothing protecting her from their words.
Cassian was already there and had been all day. She wore a dark purple gown, her hair braided on one side but flowed down her back in soft curls. She smoothed the skirt of her dress down before knocking on the door. She still didn't feel comfortable enough with Rhys to just walk in like the other's would.
Rhys answered the door and stood to the side to let her into the house. He led her to the sitting room where everyone was.
"Tamlin!" She shrieked, running to his open arms. He lifted her as he held her.
"Nesta." She could hear the smile in his voice as he held her. "You look great." He set her down and glanced down at her. "How's the Night Court treating you?" He asked. She wasn't sure how to answer. For the last month she hasn't done anything.
"Fine." She was so excited to have him here. But there was no way Feyre and Rhysand just invited him over for dinner. "And there's probably only one reason you're here." She commented.
"War is coming." The words were so simple. But now she understood. Why they were both here. It wasn't so they could see each other and finally have a dinner where Nesta actually felt comfortable and ate something.
"So, where are we going?" She asked. She knew that there was another trove that they had yet to find. Unless Elain somehow found it but she doubted it. They would never put Elain in that type of danger. It didn't matter how many times they proved it, she would never be able to wrap it around her mind that no one cared. No one cared about her safety. They would send her into the lion's den and no one would care if she never came back.
"We'll discuss over dinner." She felt defeated. She knew Feyre couldn't do anything. Elain didn't know how to protect herself. Mor would refuse to go. Amren didn't do those types of things. So it was up to her. The real fear was who was going to go with her? Azriel would probably. Cassian may be forced to go but would probably come back without her if they got into trouble.
Sitting there at the table, the closest people in her life surrounding her, she knew she was looking death in the face. It didn't matter what happened, she wouldn't be coming back from this mission and she knew it.
She carefully strapped two daggers to each of her legs. One blade across her back. She zipped up the jacket. She knew that this would most likely be the last time she ever felt any type of peace. She felt peace with her death. No matter what, she was going to go peacefully.
If it meant that her sister could live out their lives in peace with their mates, she would go to the ends of the Earth to make sure of it. Even if she didn't live to see it.
"Let's get this over with." Cassian grumbled. They had barely said two words to each other. And now they were both walking into a death trap.
She followed his lead. In everything he did, she was one step behind him. Protecting his back. She was terrified of going to the prison under the mountain. She knew that there were deadly creatures here and one wrong move could get them both killed.
"Cassian." She whispered behind him.
"Nesta." He answered.
"If it comes down to it, save yourself." He was startled by the words before realizing that she had spent the last few days thinking that this would kill her.
"What?" He stopped walking. She almost ran right into his back. "Don't fucking say stuff like that." He turned to her and grabbed her face. "You are not going to die." He leaned down so she could look into his eyes. "Do you hear me? I would never let anything happen to you."
"Cassian-"
"Don't Nesta. I won't leave here without you."
"If you have to." She said, tears filling her eyes. "You get out of here."
"Listen to me!" He shouted, holding her face between both of his hands. "I am not leaving you!"
"Promise me." She whispered. "Promise me we are both going to make it home." He wanted to cry. How could he have let her believe that she was so hated by him that he would leave her to die alone? That he would ever let her die at all.
"I promise you." He answered, loud and clear. "I promise." Even though the words were just a whisper, she heard them loud and clear. "We are both getting out of here." When his lips met hers in the softest kiss she had ever experienced she knew he meant it.
"Okay." She whispered, leaning her head against his chest. "Let's do this." It didn't matter that he didn't love her anymore. Because she loved him and she was going to protect him like her life depended on it. Because it did. She was prepared to die to make sure that he was able to return home.
He stuck as close to her as he possibly could. He knew the horrors that were here. Nesta ran her hand over the walls. Seeing if she could feel it. She knew it was here, just wasn't exactly sure where it was. She pressed her hand to a wall and wasn't expecting it to give way. She screamed as she fell through and hit the ground.
"Fuck." She groaned, rubbing her chin.
"Are you okay?" He shouted through the wall.
"Yeah." She looked around. In the center of the room, whispering to her, was a harp. She breathed out. She could feel the power coming off it. Whatever it was, she didn't want to touch it. It was calling to her, begging to play it. She would do no such thing. She grabbed it, and headed back through the wall just as a roar moved through the caves. Her eyes widened at Cassian.
"We have to go!" He grabbed her arm, dragging her towards the exit. Before they could make it, they were both thrown to the floor. Nesta didn't let go of the Harp as her head slammed into the rock wall. Whatever attacked them, she couldn't see. She rubbed her head, her fingers were covered in blood.
"Cassian." She tried to scream. She couldn't hear or see him. Whatever was attacking them moved so quickly she couldn't track it. It had Cassian pressed against the wall. But when she made herself known, it came for her. Grabbed her throat and pressed her down against the floor. She flailed, letting go of the Harp.
"Nesta!" Cassian screamed, voice hoarse from being choked.
This is what she meant. He needed to get out of here. She couldn't look at him. She could barely get the dagger strapped to her leg. Cassian got to his feet just as she sliced her dagger across the beings throat. It shreiked as it's black blood sprayed across her face. She breathed hard as its hands fell away from her.
When Cassian finally made his way over to them, the being now in its physical form, he cut the head right from the body just as Nesta reached weakly for the Harp, her fingers just barely grabbing it. Her vision was spotty as she tried to tell Cassian something was wrong.
"Nesta." Cassian looked down at her. Her eyes rolling to the back of her head and her chest barely rising and falling. "Nesta!" He screamed, pulling her into him. The puddle of the blood alarmed him. He didn't even see her get injured. "Fuck!" He tried to stand while holding her. "Don't worry, Baby. We're going home."
Cassian paced at the foot of Nesta's bed the entire time Madja worked on her. She had lost so much blood she passed out. Madja said she had a major concussion but would heal just fine. There was a huge gash on her head from where it slammed into the rock. There was still bruising around her throat. Still, she didn't wake up.
"Cassian, come eat." Feyre commented from the doorway.
"No." He was never going to take his eyes off her agan.
"Cassian-"
"Do you know that she thought she wasn't going to make it home after that mission? She told me if it came down to it, to save myself. She was willing to die to make sure that I made it back home to all of you."
"She loves you." Feyre answered, rubbing her belly. "She never stopped." He sat down on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. Feyre rubbed his back. "It's okay."
"I treated her like shit."
"It's okay. She'll forgive you." Cassian knew that was true. "I'll go make you a plate." Feyre commented before leaving the room. Cassian turned to watch Nesta. The color had returned to her face. But she didn't look good. Still as a statue, chest barely rising and falling with every breath.
"I'm sorry." He whispered to her. "I am so sorry." He moved so he could hold her hand. He kept his eyes closed.
"Cassian." She croaked. He jumped up. Getting her water. "It hurts." She whispered, her eyes were bloodshot and her voice sounded like she had been drinking whiskey straight for 11 days.
"What hurts?" He asked.
"Everything." Majda had given him cream to rub on her head. He helped her sit up so he could apply it.
"You're up!" Feyre said, making Nesta cringe and rub her head. "Sorry." Cassian carefully placed pillow's behind Nesta to help her sit up. "Sre you okay?"
"I don't think so." Nesta answered truthfully. Cassian refilled her water as Feyre sat on the bed with a plate of food meant for him.
"You should eat something." Feyre said.
"Is there soup or anything?" She asked, watching as Cassian moved around the room. He had bruising around his throat. "What happened?"
"We were attacked. You passed out after losing a lot of blood." She reached up to touch the gash on the back of her head. "Don't touch it." He commented. "It's healing but don't touch." She dropped her hand.
"How did we get out?" She asked.
"I carried you."
"I told you-"
"I know what you told me." He interrupted her. "And I would never do that." He looked right into her eyes. "You are my mate." She sucked in a breath. "I would never leave you to die. Whether we were fighting or not. On speaking terms or not, I will protect you until my last breath." Her eyes filled with tears as he grabbed her hand. "Welcome to the next world, Nesta Archeron."