Chapter 17

Cassian woke up covered in blood. In his panic, since it wasn't his blood, he almost fell off the bed. He had seen blood. Been covered head to toe in it countless times. But it was never coming from the female he loved.

He leaped out of bed, watching Nesta's pale face. She was barely breathing. He grabbed the comforter and pressed it against the back of her head. Somehow during the night, the gash had opened back up.

"Rhys!" He screamed. He didn't want to alert the whole house but Nesta was unconscious and he wasn't leaving her here alone. "Rhys!" He screamed louder before Rhys burst through the door. He took in the bed, covered in blood, Cassian and Nesta both covered in it. Nesta, not breathing.

"Go get Madja." He rushed over to Cassian. "Now!" He pressed his hand against the gash on Nesta's head. "Now Cassian!" He nearly screamed at him. Cassian hesitated for two seconds before leaving the room. "It's okay." Rhys said, holding Nesta's head in his hands. Truth was? He was terrified.

Rhys swears it was hours before Cassian came back with Madja who looked just as horrified as the both of them.

He didn't want to let her go but Feyre was standing in the doorway. She must have heard the screaming.

"What's going on?"

"Feyre." Rhys said, moving his hands away from Nesta as Madja replaced her hands where his had been. She immediately started healing the gash. Her hands moving quickly. Rhys walked towards Feyre who backed up. He was covered in blood. "Nesta's cut opened."

"Oh my god." Feyre took in the sight of her sister, barely breathing, as pale as she had ever seen her before. "Is she going to be okay?" Cassian was panicking. He was having a panic attack. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't hear the voices around him. He couldn't see when the color returned to Nesta's face. However, Madja said she needed blood. And fast. "You can take mine."

"No!" Rhys shouted. "You're pregnant."

"Then go get Elain. We need blood. Now." Madja confirmed that Nesta was stable but she wouldn't be for long. "She needs blood. So go get someone."

"You can use mine." Cassian said, immediately giving his arm to Madja. Madja wasted no time getting a needle and pricking Cassian. He sat down while Madja took the blood. It was taking way too long but Nesta was stable. She kept telling him that Nesta was stable. But for how long?

By the time Madja was patching up the small hole in Cassian's arm, Nesta slowly woke up.

"Fuck." She groaned, reaching to rub her forehead. She was still covered in blood. "Cass?" She breathed, her eyes still closed. "I don't feel too good." She sat up quickly, Cassian moved to her but she vomited right into his lap.

"Oh god." Feyre flew out of the room, the smell overwhelming.

This was all becoming too much. Even for Cassian. He had never had so many bodily fluids on him before. He breathed out, helping Nesta lay back down.

"I need to get cleaned up." Her eyes opened, taking him in, covered in blood and vomit.

"What happened?" She asked.

"Well, you almost died. Then you threw up on me." Cassian answered. "I'm going to get cleaned up. Then I'll come help you get cleaned up." He disappeared into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He leaned against the sink, breathing hard. He had never been so scared in his life.

"I almost died?" Nesta asked Madja, who helped her stand so she could strip the bed.

"Twice."

"I told him to get out if it came down to that."

"Silly girl." Madja smiled, helping Nesta strip her clothes off. "He would never allow anything to happen to you." Nesta wasn't sure that was true. He may have never laid a hand on her but he had hurt in other ways. But she had hurt him too.

Once Cassian was cleaned, he stepped out with a towel wrapped around his hips. Neither Nesta or Madja reacted as he exited the room and headed down the hall to his room. They waited a few minutes but he didn't come back.

"I will help you get clean." Nesta nodded, standing with her help and heading towards the bathroom. Madja helped get Nesta clean, making sure that the cut had in fact been healed and wouldn't open again.

Once clean, Nesta felt much better. Madja went to ask Feyre for some clothes before coming back and helping her get dressed. Nesta was sitting in the chair, noticing the crib in the corner of the room that she didn't notice before. She gripped the towel that was wrapped around her.

Madja came back and helped her get dressed.

"You should eat something." She commented. "I have some things to do but I will come back in a few hours to check in okay?" She asked. Nesta nodded at the words before grabbing her hand.

"Thank you." Nesta smiled at her. "Truly."

"You're welcome, Nesta. Send word if you need me okay?" Nesta nodded before Madja left. Nesta wandered to the kitchen. No one was around but the doorbell rang loud throughout the house. She walked to the hallway, Rhys was there opening the door. He told whoever it was to head up to the room she was in.

They were only up there for a few minutes before she stood, eating toast, watching them carry out the bed. Rhys made eye contact with her before heading up the stairs, to take care of Feyre she assumed.

She followed behind him but knocked on Cassian's door. He never came back. When there was no answer, she slowly pushed the door open.

"Seriously? Is there my privacy in this house?"

"Sorry." She commented, closing the door.

"Please, just leave me alone." He said, not even looking at her.

"Okay." She swallowed the lump in her throat, closing the door fully. She wasn't sure where else to go. She didn't want to bother Feyre, she hadn't seen Elain. It was still very early in the morning. The sun had only been up for maybe an hour.

She didn't know why but she thought after their kiss that things would change. That they wouldn't be so cold to each other. Even last night, when he finally settled beside her and they fell asleep, he had her wrapped in his arms.

She carefully headed down the stairs to get some water before sitting in the sitting room. She wrapped a blanket around herself, being careful of her head.

She didn't know where to go from here. She wasn't sure if Cassian wanted her. And maybe that was a question for another day. But she would rather get all the breaking done at once. Nearly dying twice didn't hurt nearly as much as being rejected by him. She wanted to be the one to comfort him.

She knew she would never be the one who would ever get the chance. All she knew was pain. She would be the one to tear him apart and they both knew it. Neither of them would ever say it. She didn't want to be a burden.

She slipped her feet into her boots and headed back to the apartment. At least she had a bed there. She knew that they would be mad that she left. She would deal with it when they came for her.

Nesta was sitting in the living room while Madja checked her over. No one came. Not even Cassian. She tried hard to not think about it but the silence was suffocating her.

"How are you feeling? Everything looks great."

"Much better. Thank you for checking in." Nesta was thankful that Madja cared so much. Of course Rhys was paying her but still, it was nice that someone cared.

"I'll check in in a few days."

"Thank you." Madja left Nesta alone. Nesta moved to sit by the window, watching the busy city. Almost everyone seemed to be out, shopping or dining at cafes and bars. Cassian didn't come. No one came.

Cassian stayed away. And every day it ate at her more. She didn't want to bother him. He said he wanted to be left alone. She should have known better. It had been a week since they found the Harp. She hadn't heard a word from anyone.

One part of her was glad, she didn't want to burden anyone. She just wanted her sisters to be happy. So if her staying away would make that happen then she would take it. If it made them feel better that she was in the city then she would stay.

She was running out of food so she dressed and headed out to shop. Rhys of course was giving her the money to pay for all of it.

The chatter around her reminded her that she was alone. The only person she had talked to was Madja and that was only for a few minutes. No one needed her. And that was the hardest thing to wrap around her mind. Everyone could simply forget about her. Who would remember her? She never gave anyone a reason to care. She knew it was her fault. It still didn't make it any easier.

Welcome to the next world, Nesta Archeron.

He was a liar of course. Unless he meant the next world where he ignored her. But it wasn't like she searched him out. She knew that he was most likely at the River House. She could easily go and see him. But knew that he didn't want to see her. Whatever he saw in her eyes the last time they saw each other was keeping him away.

The world around her kept moving while she was stuck where she was. How could she be so unloveable? Even Elain who had fought to get her back here hadn't come to see her. Maybe they thought she left Velaris all together but no one came to check.

So she kept to herself. Every week she did the shopping, every other week she went to get her nails done, and she stayed inside. The walls to the apartment sometimes seemed like they were going to collapse in on her. They were suffocating her. And she was going to let it.

The knock at the door startled her.

She opened it slowly, greeted by Mor's bright eyes and wide smile.

"Morrigan?" Nesta asked, opening the door all the way. "What's going on?" Nesta asked.

"Feyre's in labor. She would like you to come." Nesta's eyes widened. If nothing else, Nesta would be there for her sister. She rushed around the apartment, trying to find her shoes and rushing out the door with Mor.

When Nesta got to the River House, Feyre was in her bedroom, breathing and pacing. Rhys and Madja were discussing a few things. Apparently Rhys had done tons of research on birth and was telling Madja their exact birth plan. Feyre leaned over the bed, groaning, getting Rhysand's attention and he walked over to rub her lower back. She relaxed at the touch.

"How about you sit?"

"It hurts worse when I sit." Nesta moved closer, Elain was sitting in a chair writing in a notebook. "Nesta." Feyre smiled at her oldest sister. "Thanks for coming."

"Wouldn't miss my nephew coming into the world."

"Well I wish it would happen faster. This is hour 16." Feyre rolled her eyes, making Nesta chuckle. Nesta didn't totally understand how labor and delivery worked but she would be here for Feyre. "I'm hungry."

"You can't eat." Rhys commented, helping her into the bed. Feyre huffed, rubbing her hands over her stomach.

So for the next few hours she sat with her sister and Rhys and helped Feyre through labor.

It then happened quickly, her water broke and Madja was telling Nesta and Rhys to stand on either side of Feyre.

"I hate this!" Feyre cried, laying back.

"You can do it, Darling." Rhys commented. She just glared back at him. She had been pushing for 15 minutes and was hating every minute of it. She was squeezing his hand while Nesta helped hold a leg.

"Time to push." Madja announced. Rhys helped sit Feyre up a little as she pushed. Her screams nearly shattered Nesta's eardrums but she watched as her nephew's head and face came into view. "One more big push." The rest of his body seemed to fly out. Nesta had never seen anything so beautiful and so disgusting. Tears were streaming down her face as the baby was placed on her sister's chest.

"Hi, baby boy." Feyre cried, resting her hands on the baby as she laid back to relax. Madja went to work on delivering the placenta and getting Feyre stitched up. The baby's cry rang out around the room. "Oh Gods, you were so worth it." She laughed looking up at Rhys who had never loved his mate more than in this moment.

Madja cleaned up Feyre and the baby and headed on her way. Feyre had finally let go of the baby long enough for Rhys to hold him.

"Does he have a name?" Nesta asked after helping Feyre to the bathroom.

"This is Nyx." Rhys said, handing the small baby to her. He was sleeping, wrapped in a blanket.

"Hi, Nyx. I'm Nesta."

"Aunt." Feyre corrected.

"What?"

"You're Aunt Nesta." Feyre was sitting up against the bed frame, watching Nesta hold her child.

Nesta held Nyx before passing him off to Elain. Nesta had never seen Feyre so happy.

"Should we have another?"

"You're crazy." Feyre shoved Rhys a little. Nesta couldn't help but be jealous. She would never have the love that Rhys and Feyre had for each other. No one would ever be able to love her as much as Rhys loved Feyre. She hadn't seen Cassian since that morning. She didn't question where he was or what he was doing. If he wanted to be bothered by her, he would come find her. She would let him come to her on his terms.

"Congratulations." Nesta commented, holding out the large bag to Feyre.

"What's this?"

"Just a little something."

"Bought us something for our baby with our own money?" Rhys asked.

"Rhys." Feyre warned, holding the bag on her lap.

"I-" Nesta wasn't sure what to say. She thought that they had moved past that. "Sorry."

"Thank you, Nesta. For thinking of us and Nyx."

"I'm going to head out. Congratulations." She smiled, leaning down to kiss Nyx's head. "Let me know if you need anything okay?" Feyre nodded. Nesta didn't know when she would see them again. But she prepared for the silence to consume her.

For the first time in months, she wanted a drink.